Katie Morag and the Brochan Bus Katie Morag

# Katie Morag

# Far away across the ocean

# Katie Morag

# Over the sea to Struay

# Katie Morag

# Far away across the ocean

# Katie Morag

# Over the sea to Struay. #

My name is Katie Morag McColl and I live on the island of Struay.

I suppose it's quite wee but it's ginormous to me and everyone

looks out for me when I'm out and about having my adventures.

And pull!

And pull!

I'm all out of puff.

Well done, Katie Morag, we'll make a sailor of you yet.

Now, let's get that old girl spick and span.

'Neilly Beag used to have a wee job in Struay helping the ferry man.

'Neilly Beag and Mr Ferryman used to row out in their wee

'boat to the big ferry to pick up the passengers and deliveries

'and bring them back to the island.

'Neilly Beag loved helping everyone and he looked very proud

'when people said he was very good at it.'

You missed a bit.

'But then they built the new pier,

'so now the ferry can come all the way in

'and it meant poor Neilly Beag didn't have a job

'and that made him sad.'

FERRY HORN BLOWS

That's the ferry in.

'But it did mean we could get more visitors to the island.

'Most people thought that was a good thing.

'But Neilly Beag wasn't so sure.'

Noisy bunch, aren't they?

'Granma Mainland says he liked the old ways better.'

There. What do you think?

-Spelt it wrong!

-What?!

-Only kidding!

-You wee monkey!

'Neilly Beag still had his croft of course,

'so he could grow things to eat and he took visitors out to see

'the seals with his rowing boat sometimes.

'But what he really needed was a proper job -

'that's why I decided to help him.'

-How about an astronaut?

-Och, I'm not very good at heights.

-Mmm...film star?

-Money's good.

But then I'd probably have to move to Inverness.

Would you like some?

'I'd already had one breakfast, of course,

'but I sometimes have another one when Neilly Beag's making porridge.

'You see, Neilly Beag wasn't just a brilliant boatman,

'he also made the best porridge in the whole world.'

-Perfect!

-More?

-Yes, please.

'It was even better than Grannie Island's,

'though I wouldn't tell her that.

'And that's when I had one of those brilliant ideas

'I have from time to time.

'Actually, I didn't even realise it was an idea when I said it.'

-Wouldn't it be good if porridge making was a job?

-Aye.

You'd be brilliant at that.

Katie Morag, you are a genius.

-A porridge bus?

-That's right.

You're going to buy a bus, park it at the pier and sell porridge?

Well, actually, it's not so much a bus, it's more of a trailer.

-So, you've already bought it?

-They're delivering it tomorrow.

Och, I had to move very fast.

Don't you worry, my wee bobby-dazzler.

In no time at all, we'll have one of those business empires.

-How's it going?

-I think the sign is too small.

-How many have you sold?

-Three.

-And how many of them were to Katie Morag?

-Three.

Oh, Neilly.

Customer.

-Good morning, sir.

-Morning.

-Now what can I do for you?

-I'm not sure.

-Would you like to see a menu?

-That'd be great.

-Porridge?

-That's right.

-Nothing else? Sandwiches or something?

No, we're the porridge bus.

You see, if we sold sandwiches, then we'd probably be the sandwich bus.

-I'll have a porridge then, just a wee one.

-Just a small one?

-Aye.

-Here you are, sir.

-Cheers.

-Thank you.

-Er...where's your sugar?

-Sugar? Now what would you be wanting sugar for?

-For the porridge.

We are not barbarians, sir.

Good day to you.

I just think that maybe you're being a bit...old-fashioned.

-How do you mean?

-It's not the old days. People want variety.

But I give them variety - they can have a large bowl or a wee bowl.

With salt, or without.

But you could offer them sugar, Neilly Beag,

those that really want it. And not just sugar - honey, nuts, bananas...

-Chocolate!

-Absolutely.

-Marshmallows even?!

-Well, why not?

Because I'm not running some fancy Edinburgh sweetie shop!

That's why not.

This is genuine Highland brochan, the food that made us great.

A hundred generations have grown strong on this stuff,

it's the very spirit of the place.

And you're asking me to put chocolate and marshmallows on my porridge?

That's just the point, Neilly Beag.

It's not supposed to be YOUR porridge,

it's supposed to be their porridge.

I've been cooking oats like this for the past 50 years,

the way my father taught me and the way his father taught him.

Just pure spring water and a wee sprinkle of salt. Nothing else.

Not on my watch.

'Poor Neilly Beag. We thought the new sign might attract a few

'more customers, but it didn't work.

'It didn't matter how real his porridge was, no-one wanted any.

'Except for me, that is. I still thought it was fabbydoo.

'The next day, Granma Mainland went shopping in Tobermory

'and she brought back a bunch of fancy food for me to try.'

We're going to try some of these.

Open sesame.

-Hmm.

-Mm-hm.

-Is it salmon?

-Yup.

-And rice?

-Ten out of ten.

-It's sushi. It's Japanese.

-It's yummy.

-Mmm.

Och, I wish Neilly Beag would try some of these with me.

-Why doesn't he?

-Same reason he's so mule-headed about the porridge.

He's just so very set in his ways, which is a pity,

because if I could get him to eat some, he might actually enjoy them.

What?

'Now I normally have brilliant ideas once a fortnight or so,

-'but this was the second one in a week.'

-Katie Morag?

When are you next going to Tobermory?

How did it go?

Well, put it this way, we won't be millionaires any time soon.

-Here, what are you doing?

-A wee experiment.

You take your oats straight from the jar. I tried soaking them overnight.

-A lot of nonsense!

-How do you know if you haven't tried?

-All right, fine.

Not so fast.

We are going to do this scientifically.

Is all this necessary?

The soaking makes them look that little bit different.

Ordinary people wouldn't notice, but you are an expert.

This is bowl A.

-What do you think?

-Now, don't rush me. Let's try bowl B.

Right.

Bowl A is the porridge the way I make it

-and bowl B is your new fancy variation.

-Correct.

I preferred the original.

Though some people, I suppose, might like the new creamy one.

-So you will put it on the menu?

-If it pleases you, my dear.

-No, wait, I've got another experiment.

-What have you done now?

-Just a slight variation.

-Fire away.

Neilly Beag?

-What is this?

-It's the exact same recipe that you always used.

I've added a sprinkling of walnuts, some sultanas

and the merest drizzle of golden syrup.

-What do you think?

-I think you've tricked me.

And I think you were probably right to,

because that porridge you made is absolutely delicious!

'After that, Neilly Beag sold lots and lots of porridge.

Thank you very much.

What can I get you, madam?

You can have honey, walnut, syrup,

strawberry, sultanas,

-cinnamon, or bananas.

-I don't suppose you have chocolate?

Of course we've got chocolate.

This is Neilly Beag's brochan bus,

young lady, and we are at the cutting edge of porridge technology.

'Granma Mainland says people have been eating porridge

'in Struay for the last thousand years

'and will be eating it for the next thousand, but sometimes you

'have to give the old ways a little tweak just to keep them fresh.

'I tried all Granma Mainland's new flavours

'and every one of them was fabbydoo, but do you know what?

'My very favourite, it's still Neilly Beag's family recipe.

'New ways and old ways, as Grannie Island says,

'there's plenty of room for them all.

'Good night, Grannie Island.'