What is the World's Most Dangerous Food? Little Howard's Big Question

Hello, Little Howard, what would you like for breakfast.

I don't know, surprise me.

Mmm?

SUGAR FLAKES!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I meant I want to try a new breakfast sensation.

OK, well there's high-fibre bum flakes.

I think that shock has had the affect on me as several bowls of bran fibre.

Well, what about Coconut Crunchers?

Run away, they'll get you, the coconuts will beat you up. Ah!

I wasn't expecting that.

Little Howard?

Little Howard?

Little Howard?

Are they gone?

Are what gone?

The deadly man-eating coconuts.

What those?

Run, fool, They'll cream you, ice you, put a bounty on your head,

they'll back you into a corner, they'll desiccate you.

Enough with the coconut puns.

I'm sure there's more dangerous foods in the world than coconuts.

Little Howard?

I, Little Howard, have come up with another of my big questions.

What is the most dangerous food in the world?

How about a knuckle sandwich.

'Thousands of coconuts are waking up in prison today after being arrested

'for murder. A cartoon boy is helping police with enquiries.'

# I love monkeys I love monkeys

# All those happy little chappy little monkeys

# With their tails and their bananas

# I think that if we all love monkeys we'll have happier mananas

# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys

# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore

# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys

# I wouldn't love her any more. #

Thank you very much!

In certain parts of the world they eat monkey brains.

Don't worry, boys, there wouldn't be enough of you lot to cover one nacho.

Oh, I've found my watch.

Why do you want to know what the dangerous food in the world is?

Because you said there are more dangerous foods in the world

than coconuts and I don't believe you.

Why are you scared of coconuts?

It's a well-known scientific fact that coconuts kill more

people every year than sharks do.

Where did you hear that?

I heard it from a very reliable source - a boy said down the swings.

And where had he heard it from?

He'd heard it from another boy by different swings,

or was it the same swings, anyway,

he'd heard it from a girl in a Wendy house, and she'd heard it

from her mum who'd heard from her hairdresser, so, it must be true.

Even if it is true there's no reason to be scared of coconut cereal.

Anything that's harder than a shark should not be allowed to sneak into

people's houses in cereal boxes.

Right, I've had enough of this, Mother.

Hello, boys.

Don't ask what she's doing, it never makes any sense.

What are you doing?

Baking.

Barking more like, don't ask her what she's baking.

What are you baking?

I don't know ask the oven.

OK.

No.

How can I help?

What's the most dangerous food in the world?

-He thinks it is coconuts.

-You shouldn't be scared of coconuts.

Thank you.

You should be scared of potatoes.

Exactly, should be scared... What!

And tapioca, both of which can be deadly poisonous.

That's not true.

Tis, tis, tis.

Wild potatoes and ordinary potatoes that have gone green

contain a toxin that can cause cramps, diarrhoea and even worse.

It is entirely removed when you cook it, but it is there.

There's nothing to be scared of.

I'm sure people only think tapioca's poisonous.

What - lovely tapioca?

The tapioca you buy from shops is safe but it is made from cassava

which, before it is processed, contains the poison cyanide.

Lucky it tastes like warmed up sick or someone might eat it.

Oh, yes, and there's also chocolate.

Please don't tell me chocolate is poisonous.

You'll tell me TV is bad for my eyes next.

In sensible amounts, chocolate benefits the circulation

and can release the chemical serotonin into the body.

It does, contain a small amount of a poison

called theobromine which in large amounts can make you

very ill and even in small amounts can be fatal to dogs and birds.

None of those foods are as scary as coconuts.

-I'm going to cure you of this ridiculous phobia of coconuts.

-How?

You're not going to surround me with coconuts and force me

-to make friends with them, are you?

-What like aversion therapy? No.

You tried to cure Mother

of her fear of water by throwing her in the sea.

Yeah, who'd have thought a computer could swim.

There's someone I want you to meet, they should be here somewhere.

No.

Hello.

Oh, get them away from me. Ah!

Are you all right, Little Howard?

Sorry, I thought you were a gang of marauding coconuts trying to jump us.

This is Kevin Palmer an expert in bush craft.

Thanks for agreeing to help us. As a survival expert

could you tell Little Howard that coconuts are our friends.

Yeah, they are our friends. Like anything out here,

there's friends and enemies and we need to know the difference.

If you follow me, I'll show you how.

I don't know why you're so scared of coconuts,

coconuts are so useful.

You can use them for water, food,

fire, shelter, all the four principles of bush craft.

If you've got those four, you're gonna survive.

-These are pretty, what are they called?

-Good find, Little Howard.

Sulphur tufts but I wouldn't touch them, they are poisonous

and they'll make you quite sick. They are called sulphur tufts

because they've got bright yellow stems -

the same colour as the compound sulphur.

They've also got quite a nasty smell.

And sulphur can be smelly at times, so that's where they get their name.

What's this Kevin?

That would be a tree.

Oh, a tree.

-If I ate that whole tree, Kevin, would I die?

-Yeah.

He's very good, isn't he, Big Howard?

This is a classic toadstool what everyone

imagines a toadstool to look like bright red with white spots on.

This is a type of fungus called Fly Agaric

and it is one of our poisonous ones, it's not the most poisonous

but wouldn't do you much good, if you eat it.

You'll be very, very sick and suffer from dreadful hallucinations.

That looks like it's been eaten by something.

Yeah, some animals, rabbits and slugs and even deer and things.

For some reason the poisons don't affect them. You have to be careful.

If you eat slugs, they could have been feeding on these mushrooms

and they can actually concentrate some of the poisons inside them.

Little Howard, what have I told you about eating slugs?

You said, "Not even the French do that."

Some of the old shaman and witch doctors in some tribes

use this to induce hallucinations and dreams to predict the future.

They wouldn't eat the mushroom as it is, they get a reindeer to eat it

-and then drink the reindeer's wee.

-Rudolph widdle?

-Awful, isn't it?

That gets rid of the stuff that makes you sick

but still leaves the chemical in there that gives the hallucinations

and so they'd have these dreams and predict the future.

I wouldn't recommend it, it is a nasty one and if you eat too much

it could kill you and it'd make you ill.

And there's a very closely related one which is called the death cap

and just one cap of that

would be enough to kill you and it's a slow, painful death.

It's not good, so this group of mushrooms is one to be avoided.

So there are more dangerous and scary things than coconuts.

I know where you can get hold of the hottest chilli.

I guess you'll find it deep in the middle of the Amazon rainforest

surrounded by savage coconuts.

No, Sea Spring Farm, deep in darkest Dorset.

Wow.

If you need me, just give me a call.

What do a bird call or shout like Tarzan or something.

Just ring on the mobile that's much easier.

Thanks very much, Kevin...

Kevin? He's gone.

Where's Dorset, Big Howard?

I don't know.

For goodness' sake, there's a map.

Wow, he was like a "ginja" wasn't he, Big Howard?

A ninja.

A "ginja" ninja.

No, just a ninja.

Just a "ginja" ninja.

Get in the car.

Come on.

Are we nearly there yet?

We're slightly closer than the last time you asked half a minute ago.

I wish I'd had breakfast, I'm starving.

There might be something to eat in the glove compartment.

Oh, stop the car.

You did that on purpose, didn't you?

Don't know what you're talking about.

Hello, this is Joy and Michael, they run Sea Spring Farm.

Hello, Joy, hello Michael.

Hello, why on earth are you dressed as an Eskimo?

Because I'm at a chilli farm.

Well, someone gave you the wrong idea, Howard.

We're going into some polytunnels.

It's really hot in there, so you'd better lose that thing.

-Why don't we go up now before it gets too hot?

-Yeah, great.

Come on.

OK, guys, here we are the big enchilada.

This is the Dorset Naga, which has been selected from

Bangladeshi Naga Morich.

This is one of the hottest chillies in the world.

So how hot is this thing?

I don't know.

Well, it measures about a million Scoville heat units.

This is the unit that we use to measure pungency in chillies.

OK, that's a million.

No.

Then if we go to a supermarket and sometimes you find these

jalapenos, this measures about 8,000 Scoville heat units.

I use those in curries and those are quite hot.

Exactly, so that means if I've got

a powder of that

and some powder of this and I measured the heat in both of them,

this is going to be 125 times hotter than this one is.

How hot is that?

This is 125 jalapenos

and that gives you an idea of just how much hotter that is than this.

125 times!

Right, OK, so does anybody want to have a go?

Well, as the responsible adult

I think that Little Howard should go first.

Hurray.

Little Howard, are you sure? We normally don't let kids eat this

-but since you are a cartoon we can do that.

-No, it's OK, I'll do it.

Oh, make up your mind, you big gibber!

-Are you sure you're up for it?

-I think so.

-Right, well have a go.

I don't think you have to hold it that way

but if you feel more comfortable doing it go ahead.

I'm scared of it.

-You guys ready to go?

-I think so.

What? No, no, no!

No, that's not the way you test the chilli.

You break it in half first. You do it like that.

Now when you break it open,

make sure you don't touch your fingers.

Those chemicals that cause the heat get on your fingers

and if you pick your nose, or rub your eye,

or stick it in your mouth, you are going to get really hot again.

So, you break it open

and then you have a whiff, just like a wine and then you gently,

gently touch it to your tongue.

Now, listen, gently. You got that Little Howard?

-OK.

-Make sure he does it right. Go ahead.

OK. Now have a go.

It smells quite nice, like orangeade sort of thing.

Yeah, could be. OK, it does have a nice smell.

And then...

This isn't going to be bad. This is going to be fine.

Are you going to have a go?

'What effect will the chillies have on Big and Little Howard?

'Will they be able to speak for the next 15 minutes?

'Will I have to narrate the rest of the episode? Because I can -

'I don't have so much on this afternoon. Find out after these ads.

'Do your school dinners look dangerous?

'Don't leave it to chance,

'ring the Regal Association of Tasters

'and we'll send round a personal food taster to try it for you.

'Just like kings and queens have.

'From rancid kippers to hot dogs laced with the toxin

'of the Columbian golden poison frog. Whatever the dodgy nosebag

'ring the RAT, get straight through to us

'or it might go straight through you.

'Oh, dear!

'Oh, dear.'

Come on. That's it.

That's fiery, that's not mucking about that. That's quite hot.

-What's it feel like?

-Like someone's put a hot coal on my tongue.

It's not so much a taste as almost a physical feeling.

It feels like someone's sticking hot needles through my tongue.

That's what we like to hear.

Now it's getting peppery.

Oh, yeah. I feel like I can't close my lips. It feels like...

the air in my mouth will expand.

That's pretty peppery.

That's quite hot. Ow.

I want to swallow now.

Oh, swallowing's a bad idea.

Give us a go, I mean, how bad can it be?

I wouldn't do that.

Seriously don't, it is really quite...

-Oh, no.

-See, nothing to it.

He did it.

Silly boy.

I'm all h...

Where's he going?

I don't know.

LITTLE HOWARD YELLS

A-h-h..!

HE YELLS

You all right, you need anything?

What makes it stop?

Some yoghurt or some milk will take care of it.

There's chemicals called capsaicinoids,

that's what's causing it.

Milk and yoghurt dissolves it down a bit.

Come back for the yoghurt.

Call the fire brigade!

My tongue's getting quite...

I think the best thing to do

is just wait and then it'll go away.

-HUSKILY:

-Thank you for having us, that was very informative.

Are you going to make it?

I'll be OK if I eat a lot of yoghurt.

Hello Big Howard, how are the chillies?

Lovely, thanks very much.

Yeah, next time I want that sensation I'll come back.

I'm afraid you'll be thinking of us in 12 hours, Little Howard.

Oh, dear.

I don't know what you mean.

Well, it usually hurts as much coming out as it does going in.

Oh, heck.

MUSIC: "Ring Of Fire" by Johnny Cash

Big Howard, what did Michael mean

when he said it would be as hot on the way out, as it was...?

O-h-h...

PARP Oh, dear. Stop the car.

Oh...

-RUMBLING

-Good idea.

I might be about to have an accident.

PARP

LONG WATERY PARP

Oh, that stings!

Oh, dear...

PARPING AND YELLING

Oh, that's a new sensation.

# And it burns burns burns the ring of fire

# The ring of fire. #

Big Howard, I'm starving.

Are you going to eat that?

-Eat what?

-That.

The steering wheel?

Yeah, got any ketchup?

Blimey, you are hungry, aren't you?

Oh, I know. We'll stop here.

All right, lads.

Take a seat, mind the puddle. What can I get you?

Firstly, do you have coconuts?

No, it's the way I'm standing.

Oh, coconuts. No, most of the stuff I serve here is fried.

Well, quite a lot of it's deep fried.

I bet you've got more dangerous food on your menu than coconuts.

Oh, yeah, I've got wasps.

You serve wasps?!

Well, I use the menu to swat the wasps

and I can't be bothered to scrape them off.

I'll have 20 wasps please, I'm starving.

If you're hungry and it's dangerous food you're after,

I've got the most fattening burger in the world on my menu.

-Brilliant!

-It sounds a bit dangerous, Howard.

Double brilliant!

It's called a quadruple bypass burger. I nicked the idea

from a diner in Arizona, USA, called the Heart Attack Grill.

Why is it called a quad bike biplane?

A quadruple bypass, it refers to a heart operation.

It's got 8,000 calories.

It means it's very, very dangerous, Little Howard.

I'll have two.

Oh. I've never actually made one before.

It was a gimmick to get me in the papers.

That's going to take ages, isn't it?

-Oh, look at the time. It's cook-it-yourself hour.

-What?

Yes, between the hours of four and whenever I close

I can't be bothered cooking. Most customers usually prefer it.

PARP

Give me the apron.

LOUD BURP

Right, one quadruple bypass burger coming up. What do I do?

Firstly, you've got to fry...

..everything.

Bacon going on now.

That's perfectly normal, don't worry.

Bert's Cafe is in the Book of Britain's Best Eats, you know.

It never is!

It's in this one.

He's scribbled it in, in crayon.

There are 8,000 calories in this burger,

three times more than the average man is supposed to have every day.

Wow.

Voila, the highest calorie beef burger in the world.

Brilliant!

Are you going to make yours now?

I've always been interested in extreme food.

I tried to start a chain of fugu restaurants.

What restaurants?

-Fugu.

-Well, same to you.

No, fugu. It's Japanese for puffer fish.

Have a look at my advert.

Hey, kids. I'm Lulu McFugu, the tasty puffer fish and I'm a chirpy,

friendly mascot for a new chain of fish restaurants, Lulu McFugu's.

If we're not properly prepared

there's enough poison in one of us to kill 30 people,

but never mind, because with every kiddie's fugu puffy meal

we give a cute little toy version of me.

So, go on, live dangerously and fill up on fugu.

They say it's the most dangerous food in the world, fugu.

Apart from coconuts, obviously.

Lulu McFugu never got off the ground though.

people were getting ill.

What happened, did you not prepare the fugu properly?

How dare you? I prepared it perfectly.

I used only the safest, most delicious parts of the fish.

The trouble is, I never bothered washing my hands.

Personal hygiene isn't my strong point.

PARP

I can't be bothered to clean the kitchen.

Filthy. I'm surprised more people don't get food poisoning here.

It's only about 90%.

Um, please may I be excused?

Oh, dear!

HE VOMITS

I think I'm empty now.

Do you still think coconuts are the most dangerous food

in the world?

I think coconuts cooked in Bert's kitchen would be more dangerous.

Little Howard, why are you scared of coconuts?

'Well, it was like this...

'We was at the funfare.

'It was a hot June afternoon, you were on the waltzer.

'I went to the coconut shy. Why not throw some balls at some nuts?

'There was nothing shy about these coconuts.

'I had three direct hits on those hairy devils

'but they wouldn't budge. So I was cross.

'I jumped over the barrier to take a look.'

OK, you coconut jokers, where's the double-sided sticky tape?

'I went up to see if they were stuck down

'and one of them jumped me.'

Oh!

A coconut jumped you?!

You see, evil.

It sounds like you got hit by a ball

that someone had thrown at the coconuts.

Yeah, but I bet one of the coconuts put him up to it.

For goodness' sake.

Might I butt in here?

And would you like some chicken soup?

No, and no.

I think you are referring to a statistic

put forward by a UK travel insurance company

that 150 people are killed every year

by coconuts falling on their heads from trees.

They claim that this made coconuts twice as dangerous as sharks

who only kill an average of 65 people a year worldwide.

You see, Mother said some numbers so it must be true.

I'm afraid not, Little Howard. It has since proved to be false.

There are almost no reported cases of deaths caused by coconuts

dropping on people's heads.

People die while picking coconuts, falling out of coconut trees

or riding motorbikes into coconut trees,

but no more than any other sort of tree.

Oh, so what IS the most dangerous food in the world then?

Well, probably fugu.

Oops.

I'm not sure about that.

I think it might be anything cooked in Bert's greasy cafe.

THEY VOMIT

Oh, dear. Who moved that bucket?

LATINO MUSIC PLAYS

# I'd like to give you the best there is

# But I don't have the staff

# So if a dog is sick on my vest

# I wipe it off with my scarf

# It's a teatime for toilets

# It's a dinner for dunnies

-BOTH:

-# It's a lunch that your loo will like

# But it's not good for tummies

# I want to give you the very best That's what no-one understands

# So when I go to the gentlemen's I don't have time to wash my hands

# It's a dinner for dodos

# It's not good for your doo-doos

# Please try one of my doughnuts

# It will just go straight through you

# I, I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I, I

# I, I, I, I, I... #

..feel sick!

# My food is very greasy but you'll lose weight through diarrhoea

# If you try my dysentery you'll practically disappear

# It's a teatime to die for

# It's a supper for suckers

# It's a dinner to do you in

# But it's a breakfast for truckers

# It's a supper to die for

# It's a dinner to do you in

# It's a lunch that your loo will like

# At Bert's greasy cafe

# At Bert's greasy cafe

# At Bert's greasy cafe. #

Some of you might be wondering why during the interval you couldn't buy

chocolate, sweets and ice cream like you normally can in the theatre.

Well, it's Big Howard's fault.

That's right. Like Jamie Oliver I'm very concerned

about the safety of food and the health of our children

and all the really good publicity it gets me.

So I have asked the theatre to not sell any junk food or sweets

-but sell fruit and veg instead.

-AUDIENCE BOOS

Now, I'm aware that some of you would rather buy a choc ice

than a bag of raw carrots, and...

For goodness' sake, I...

Ow, ow, wait!

Do any of you know how bad crisps and sweets are for you?

There are over 200 calories in...

Don't throw good lettuce!

There are vegetarians out there starving!

Goodness me!

Um, Big Howard, I think that on this occasion the most dangerous food

is fruit and veg, especially pineapples.

Who threw that?