Where is Big Howard? Little Howard's Big Question
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Transcript
| Line | From | To | |
|---|---|---|---|
So tired... | 0:00:04 | 0:00:05 | |
been reading book...for days. | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
On last page! Must.. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
Must stay awake! | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
"Plimrath the Valiant pulled off the mask | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
"to reveal the true identity of the killer. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:21 | |
"It was none other than..." | 0:00:21 | 0:00:23 | |
Zzzz. | 0:00:23 | 0:00:24 | |
COCKEREL CROWS | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
Steeth Gak-Slorn, Nomad of Pan-Tang?! Wow! | 0:00:28 | 0:00:33 | |
That book was so good I haven't been to the toilet for three days! | 0:00:33 | 0:00:37 | |
I wonder if I could sue the author? | 0:00:37 | 0:00:40 | |
Big Howard! Hurry up! I've got a toilet date, that just won't wait. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
You've got a what, where?! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
Wait a minute... If Big Howard's not in the loo, who is? | 0:00:47 | 0:00:53 | |
GRUNTING NOISES | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
Or WHAT is!? Arrrgh!! | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
Big Howard, there's a bear in the toilet! | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
There can't be, I know for a fact they do that in the woods. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:07 | |
Who the gibbing flump are you?! | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Arrrrrgh! Where's Big Howaard?! | 0:01:15 | 0:01:20 | |
What do you mean? I AM Big Howard! | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
HORN BLARES I, Little Howard, | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
have come up with another one of my Biiiiiiig Questions! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
Where Is Big Howard!? | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
Ow! | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
Oh, maybe you are Big Howard! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:43 | |
HORN BLARES | 0:01:43 | 0:01:44 | |
# I love Monkeys, I love monkeys | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
# All those happy little chirpy little monkeys. | 0:01:48 | 0:01:51 | |
# With their tails and their bananas | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
# I think that if we all were monkeys we'd have happier mananas | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
# Give me monkeys, lots of monkeys | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
# For you know that it's the monkeys I adore | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
# If my love said that she did not love those monkeys | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
# I wouldn't love her any more! # Thank you very much! | 0:02:07 | 0:02:11 | |
Erm, Little Howard? | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
Impostor! Monkeys! Attaaaaaack! | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
Aaaargh! | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
He can't be Big Howard. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
Whenever he has one of his clumsy accidents he always says... | 0:02:26 | 0:02:30 | |
I do wish you wouldn't do that! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Aargh! Who are you and what have you done with Big Howard?! | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
I'm Big Howard! | 0:02:35 | 0:02:36 | |
If you're Big Howard, I'm Janet Ellis! | 0:02:36 | 0:02:40 | |
-Who's Janet Ellis? -Exactly! | 0:02:40 | 0:02:41 | |
I don't know who she is either... | 0:02:41 | 0:02:43 | |
so I can't be Janet Ellis, which means you're not Big Howard! | 0:02:43 | 0:02:46 | |
There's no time for this. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
There's a bear in the loo and a big pork pie dropped on me! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
Oh! The old bear-in-the-loo- pork-pie-on-the-head excuse, eh? | 0:02:51 | 0:02:56 | |
OK, if you ARE Big Howard, what are your middle names? | 0:02:56 | 0:03:01 | |
Oliver Drinkwater. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
Hur hur hur! | 0:03:03 | 0:03:05 | |
They are NOT funny! | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
Hmm, Big Howard didn't think so either! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Whoever you are, you're good. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:14 | |
Or maybe you're a crazy, Big Howard-obsessed stalker! | 0:03:14 | 0:03:18 | |
Mother! Get him! | 0:03:18 | 0:03:20 | |
-Waaagh! What have you done with Mother!? -Nothing! | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
-What have you done to my award?! -What award!? -This award! | 0:03:25 | 0:03:29 | |
Best Joke About A Sheep At the Dibden Purlieu Comedy Festival 2001! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:33 | |
YOU told a joke?! | 0:03:33 | 0:03:37 | |
Yeah. How many sheep does it take to change a light bulb? | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
I don't know, how many sheep does it take to change a light bulb? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:44 | |
None! Sheep cannot change light bulbs! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:48 | |
THAT won you an award?! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
There wasn't much competition that year. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
I think I got points for factual accuracy. Oh... | 0:03:51 | 0:03:55 | |
Why did you break my award?! | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
-I didn't, and it's not yours, it's Big Howard's! -I am Big Howard! | 0:03:57 | 0:04:02 | |
When we find Mother, she'll back me up! Mother! Mother? | 0:04:02 | 0:04:07 | |
Maybe she's been eaten by the bear! | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
-That would explain why it's still in the loo. -Mother! | 0:04:10 | 0:04:13 | |
-What the? -Mother! | 0:04:13 | 0:04:15 | |
Typical, there's a massive power drill sticking out the floor. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:19 | |
-Mother! -What's that doing there? | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
And a jack-hammer? | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
Mother! Mother? | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
Why is the front door blocked by a massive pile of tinned meat? | 0:04:27 | 0:04:31 | |
Perhaps Mother misunderstood the term "spam blocker". | 0:04:31 | 0:04:35 | |
You're really not Big Howard. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
He's never said anything that clever in his entire life. | 0:04:37 | 0:04:42 | |
This delivery note was signed for | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
by Steeth Gak-Slorn, Nomad of Pan-Tang?! | 0:04:45 | 0:04:47 | |
No! Not the Nomad of Pan-Tang! | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
"Steeth Gak-Slorn staggered through the gates | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
"of Metthy Spletheth of Blethy Smethy Peth. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
"Today he would finally slay Mimpar the great yeti flamper." | 0:04:58 | 0:05:02 | |
How can he have been here?! | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
He's from Plimrath The Valiant - the book I've been reading! | 0:05:04 | 0:05:10 | |
Intruder Alert! Identify yourselves! | 0:05:10 | 0:05:12 | |
-Ow! -I knew it! Mother doesn't recognise you! | 0:05:12 | 0:05:17 | |
I don't recognise either of you! How do you know my name?! | 0:05:17 | 0:05:22 | |
Ow! Mother, it's me! | 0:05:22 | 0:05:24 | |
I know it's "you". | 0:05:24 | 0:05:26 | |
But I've never seen "you" before in my operational history! | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
Police! Vicar! Traffic warden! Help! Activate meatball canon! | 0:05:29 | 0:05:34 | |
Meatball? | 0:05:34 | 0:05:35 | |
Ow! Peg it, Fake Big Howard! | 0:05:35 | 0:05:38 | |
Please don't call me that! | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
Roooaar! | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
-That does actually sound a lot like a bear. -Wait a minute! | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
Sometimes YOU make noises like that when you're on the toilet. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:55 | |
The real you, I mean. But you're not the real you, are you? So... | 0:05:55 | 0:06:00 | |
the real you must be in there! Real Big Howard! | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
Real Big Howard, stop pooing like a bear and help me. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:07 | |
I'm not sure what you're supposed to do if you're attacked by a bear. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
I think you're supposed to just die and let it eat you. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
Arrrrgh! TOILET FLUSHES | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Phew! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:24 | |
It's only Lady Gaga. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
Lady Gaga?! | 0:06:27 | 0:06:30 | |
What?! Seriously! | 0:06:30 | 0:06:32 | |
What?! Why is Lady Gaga in the bathroom? | 0:06:32 | 0:06:35 | |
Where is the real Big Howard? | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
Why has Mother lost her... agh! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
Too many questions! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
To hear the others, press the pink button during this advert. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
It won't work, but it'll give you something to do. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Do you want to improve your memory? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
Well, why not try the miracle memory improving...thingy! | 0:06:52 | 0:06:57 | |
Er, what was it? | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
It's a special kind of electronic hat, wasn't it? | 0:06:59 | 0:07:02 | |
No, um... No, it's gone. | 0:07:02 | 0:07:06 | |
OK, Lady Gaga, if that is your real name... | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
What are you doing in our... | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
I mean, MY house? | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
Oh, I'm jiggered if I know, pet! | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
Mind like a sieve with the runs, me! Ooh, I feel right queer, I do! | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
You look a bit odd, too. You're dressed like a bear! | 0:07:23 | 0:07:28 | |
Oh, I know why I'm dressed as a bear. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:29 | |
It's cos I'm barmy, zany and madcap. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
But I can't remember anything else at all! What am I doing here? | 0:07:32 | 0:07:36 | |
Am I filming one of my kooky pop videos? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:40 | |
Lady Gaga's lost her memory! | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
That's not the only thing she's lost. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:44 | |
Very curious Watson, very curious. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
-Er, I'm not Watson. -Well, you're not Big Howard. | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
This...is a three-Sherbet-Fountain mystery. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:53 | |
We need to piece together the clues! | 0:07:53 | 0:07:56 | |
First! We need a glass blackboard | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
like one of those ones off one of those crime dramas. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:03 | |
Lady Gaga, thank you for the loan of your glass blackboard | 0:08:05 | 0:08:09 | |
like they use on crime dramas. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
And the lobster suit suits you better than the bear. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
Now then, what have we got? | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
One - Big Howard replaced by better looking and cleverer replica. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
I have not... Oh, er, thank you. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
Two - Mother buried under tinned meat, shooting meatballs at people | 0:08:23 | 0:08:28 | |
and has no idea who I am. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
-She has no idea who I am either. -Nobody has any idea who you are! | 0:08:30 | 0:08:33 | |
Three - Massive pork pie falls from ceiling. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:38 | |
Four - Big drill coming up through the floor. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:41 | |
And my award's broken! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:42 | |
I still don't really believe that Big Howard won an award, | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
but if you insist. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:46 | |
And you have no memory of the last few days. | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
I haven't lost my memory, | 0:08:49 | 0:08:50 | |
I've just been reading and not paying attention to anything else. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:54 | |
And a fictional character signed for tinned meat. | 0:08:54 | 0:08:58 | |
-And I was in yer bog dressed as a funky disco bear. -With amnesia. | 0:08:58 | 0:09:02 | |
-Your knees are made of ham?! -I do own gammon knee-pads, | 0:09:02 | 0:09:05 | |
but I didn't wear them today. Just my necklace of scotch eggs. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
No, "amnesia" means loss of memory. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
Hang on! Scotch eggs, ham-knees, pile of tinned meat! | 0:09:11 | 0:09:17 | |
And a massive pork pie! Bon Jovi, I think I've got it! | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
What?! | 0:09:21 | 0:09:22 | |
They're all baked meat products! | 0:09:22 | 0:09:25 | |
THAT'S your big deduction?! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:28 | |
Still doesn't explain why you can't recognise your best friend. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:32 | |
I can recognise my best friend, he just isn't you! | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
All right, I'll prove that I'm Big Howard. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
There's my driving licence, my cartoon boy licence, | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
and there is my book on hypnosis. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
What's that doing there? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
Big Howard reading a book?! | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
And it doesn't have any pictures?! | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
"A Pocket Guide To Self-Hypnosis For The Easily Fooled." | 0:09:52 | 0:09:57 | |
-Wait! Hypnosis can help you remember things, can't it!? -Sometimes! | 0:09:58 | 0:10:03 | |
-How do you know? You're a pop star! -You'll never guess what, chuck! | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
I'm also a fully-trained hypnotist! | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
Hmm? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:10 | |
I am! How else do you explain my massive popularity? | 0:10:10 | 0:10:13 | |
If you want someone to put you in a trance | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
and take a squizz at your hidden memory, I'm yer lady... | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
Gaga. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:19 | |
Well, I'm afraid that won't happen, I'm far too strong-willed to... | 0:10:19 | 0:10:24 | |
Piece o' cake! | 0:10:25 | 0:10:26 | |
-Little Howard? -Yesss...pleeease. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:31 | |
You are, like, totally under my power. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
Nggg, I suppose so. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
Right, petal, what's the last thing you can remember? | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
Being hypnotised. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
That's now, go back a bit, love. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:46 | |
Ooh, I'm remembering something subconkerously! | 0:10:46 | 0:10:52 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Little Howard, can you get that for me? | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
I've got a job lot of tinned meat for Mother. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
Just sign there, please, don't worry about putting in the time. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:09 | |
Ooh, jolly good, my meat's here! | 0:11:13 | 0:11:15 | |
Hang on, where'd you want 'em? | 0:11:18 | 0:11:20 | |
Oh, just through here pl... | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
Hey, what happened then? | 0:11:27 | 0:11:29 | |
You signed for delivery Gak-Slorn as you were so absorbed in your book! | 0:11:29 | 0:11:32 | |
Mother lost her memory as she had the tins dropped on her processors! | 0:11:32 | 0:11:36 | |
-Nice work, Lady Gaga. -I solved the mystery! | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
Only one of the mysteries, Lardy Gurkah. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:44 | |
Why I don't remember reading this book? | 0:11:44 | 0:11:46 | |
"Dear Malcolm." | 0:11:50 | 0:11:51 | |
Ahhhhh! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
One move and you're history, lobster-lady! | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
Don't shoot, Mother! It's Loony Gargoyle! | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
-Lady Gaga! -Really? Oh, so it is! | 0:12:00 | 0:12:04 | |
Hello, dear. Big fan! You look different on the telly. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:08 | |
BOOM! | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
Ow! | 0:12:10 | 0:12:11 | |
-Now explain who you are, cartoon tyke! -I'm not Big Howard! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:16 | |
Finally, you've got it into your thick head! | 0:12:16 | 0:12:19 | |
-That is just typical of you, Big Howard! -I'm not Big Howard. -Really? | 0:12:19 | 0:12:23 | |
Oh, You almost had me convinced. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Never mind who you're not, who are you?! | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
-Not sure. But look at this letter. -"Dear Malcolm. | 0:12:29 | 0:12:33 | |
"You might find this chapter useful. From, Big Howard?!" | 0:12:33 | 0:12:39 | |
It's a chapter about hypnotising yourself | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
into thinking you're someone else! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
Maybe I'm hypnotised into thinking I'm Big Howard! | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
Why do you think that? | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
This was signed from Big Howard, look! | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
-Different! -Oh, that is rum! | 0:12:56 | 0:12:59 | |
Would me doing some interpretive dance cheer you up, pet? | 0:12:59 | 0:13:03 | |
-Erm... -Good work, Fake Big Howard! But where's the real Big Howard?! | 0:13:03 | 0:13:07 | |
-And who are you really? -I'm not sure. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:12 | |
I suppose I'm Malcolm. Malcolm... | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
Malcolm... | 0:13:16 | 0:13:17 | |
Hello, Big Howard? I'm Malcolm from the lookalike agency. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:25 | |
You ordered a lookalike of yourself to babysit tonight. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
Yes, I did. Where is he? | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
Well, you're not famous enough to have your own look-alike, | 0:13:30 | 0:13:34 | |
so since nobody knows who you are, my boss thought I might do. | 0:13:34 | 0:13:37 | |
I work in accounts. I'm not a very good actor. | 0:13:37 | 0:13:41 | |
-But there will be a discount. -Oh. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
Right well, I could always doctor some photos, | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
and I could lend you a DVD of our series, and.. | 0:13:48 | 0:13:51 | |
Oh, I've got a book on self hypnosis that might help out. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
-A bit stupid is he? -Oh, no, he's just reading a very good book. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
He's not really paying attention. Plimrath the Valiant. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
Ahhh!! Eeh! Urgh! | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
Aaargh! | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 | |
That's lovely dears. But I still have no idea who any of you are... | 0:14:09 | 0:14:13 | |
-except Lady Gaga of course, big fan. -Right back at you, babes! | 0:14:13 | 0:14:19 | |
So if you don't get out of my house, | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
I'll change the setting on this from "smarts a bit" to "exterminate"! | 0:14:22 | 0:14:26 | |
Arrrrrrrgh! | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
Silly people. Now to make this dress! | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
So where IS the REAL Big Howard? | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
I don't know! I can't remember anything else. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
'Ere, boys, your mother's divine! That's the dog's bangles that is! | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
What is she doing in there?! | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
She's making a fabulous dress out of tins of luncheon meat. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
-That is SO me. -Hey! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:53 | |
Mother's always liked your dress lack-of-sense. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:56 | |
She was saying so yesterday when... Oh... Hold on! | 0:14:56 | 0:15:00 | |
Ooh, I could make a dress out of tinned meat! | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
-That would go down well at the party! -Shhh! -Oops! | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
Do you think he heard you mention the party? | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
You could pull his arms off and he wouldn't notice, | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
so long as it wasn't the one holding that book. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:20 | |
Hey! That gives me an idea. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:24 | |
I must have heard more than I realised! Uh... | 0:15:26 | 0:15:30 | |
Who you gawping at like a pig who's seen a sausage machine?! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:35 | |
-How do you do that?! -Me mum was a Transformer. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:39 | |
Why would Mother go to a party in a dress made of tinned meat?! | 0:15:39 | 0:15:43 | |
Maybe if the party was thrown by someone famous for zany dress ideas? | 0:15:43 | 0:15:49 | |
Someone like you, Radio GooGoo! | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
Radio Gaga! | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Lady Gaga! | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
It could've been one of mine. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
I throw a party whenever I want to show off me new dance moves! | 0:16:02 | 0:16:06 | |
And do you have any new dance moves, Miss Gaga? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:10 | |
You bet ya Ben-10 pants I do! | 0:16:10 | 0:16:12 | |
Oh, I came up with a brand new one just last night. How's it go? Yeah! | 0:16:12 | 0:16:17 | |
# Everybody do the Jackhammer! | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
# Brrrr! # | 0:16:20 | 0:16:22 | |
-Like that. -Right. | 0:16:22 | 0:16:24 | |
Can't see this one catching on if I'm honest, Lazy Gherkin. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:28 | |
Lady Gaga! | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
I got the idea last night when I... Ooh! | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
DRILLING AND BACKGROUND MUSIC | 0:16:32 | 0:16:37 | |
Come on, you daft machine! | 0:16:37 | 0:16:41 | |
Oh, this is proving to be a lot of hard work. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:43 | |
DRILLING | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
Wow! | 0:16:48 | 0:16:49 | |
I remember being here last night, and using the jackhammer, | 0:16:49 | 0:16:52 | |
and a welding torch, but I can't remember why! | 0:16:52 | 0:16:56 | |
And while doing that, | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
did you get hit in the face by a pretend gold sheep? | 0:16:58 | 0:17:02 | |
Well, I did once beat up Fiddy Cent. | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
You have gold paint on your face in a distinctive fleecy pattern. | 0:17:04 | 0:17:08 | |
Now, where have I seen that pattern before? | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
The massive pork pie! | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
You were both struck by Big Howard's Golden Sheep Award! | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
-That must be how it got broken! -Big Howard loves that award! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
He told me so when I invited him to my party. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
Your Baked-Meat-roduct theme party? | 0:17:25 | 0:17:27 | |
Happen as how that was the theme of it. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:29 | |
Best party theme I've had since my "dress as your dead pet" sleep-over. | 0:17:29 | 0:17:34 | |
So, Big Howard went to Lady Gaga's party without me! | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
But where is he now? And why did he hit you with the award? | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
-He didn't hit me with it! -Oh, not another one! | 0:17:41 | 0:17:45 | |
DRILLING | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
BAA! | 0:17:58 | 0:18:01 | |
You knocked yourself out trying to beat up an enormous pork pie. Great! | 0:18:03 | 0:18:08 | |
We've sorted out all the mysteries that DON'T MATTER AT ALL!? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:14 | |
NOW WHERE IS BIG HOWARD!? | 0:18:14 | 0:18:17 | |
MUSIC BEGINS | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
# Where is he? What have you done with him? | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
# He could've fallen in the toilet, he is a little dim | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
# Where is he? I have got no idea | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
# How could the great big doofus just simply disappear? | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
# Where is he? He can't be hard to find | 0:18:33 | 0:18:36 | |
# It should be pretty easy to spot his big behind | 0:18:36 | 0:18:39 | |
# Where is he? He should have stayed at home | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
# He's left me and Lady Gaga all on our own | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
# Where have you put him? Where did he go? | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
# I've found all the clues but I still don't know | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
# Where has he got to? Where can he be? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
# I've found all the clues now, so where is he? | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
# Where is he? I've hunted high and low | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
# There can't be many places the massive twit can go | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
# Where is he? I've got to find him now! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:06 | |
# He's like a needle in a haystack, the size of a cow! | 0:19:06 | 0:19:10 | |
# Now that he's gone missing | 0:19:10 | 0:19:11 | |
# I think that you might miss him | 0:19:11 | 0:19:15 | |
# He's a bit too wide, too thick, and too long | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
# But you don't know what you've got till it's gone | 0:19:17 | 0:19:21 | |
# Where is he? I've hunted high and low | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
# There can't be many places the massive twit can go | 0:19:26 | 0:19:30 | |
# Where is he? I've looked in every place | 0:19:30 | 0:19:33 | |
# I think I might miss his great big face... # | 0:19:33 | 0:19:38 | |
Are you STILL here? I warned you! | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
I've got one meatball left, but it's been in the microwave for ages. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
This baby is thermonuclear! | 0:19:47 | 0:19:51 | |
KABOOM! | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
-Big Howard! -Oh... | 0:19:56 | 0:19:59 | |
# There is he, I spy his pasty face | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
# Turns out all along he was in a pastry case | 0:20:01 | 0:20:05 | |
# There is he! He's in a massive pie | 0:20:05 | 0:20:07 | |
# We're running out of time so we can't explain why! # | 0:20:07 | 0:20:11 | |
OK. What were you doing in the pie? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
I wanted to jump out of the pie to surprise Lady Gaga at her party. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:18 | |
And I was going too, with Big Howard! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
MOTHER! You've got your memory back! | 0:20:21 | 0:20:23 | |
Oh, I got that back ages ago. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
I just wanted to try out my thermonuclear meatball bazooka. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
So, why couldn't I go to the party? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
I always invite mutant child-eating pigmy horses to my dos. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:36 | |
They're great dancers, but a health-and-safety nightmare. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:40 | |
He said you were so into your book you wouldn't notice he'd gone! | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
But I finished my book too early. | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
And he made the crust too thick. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
I had to take him all the way home from my party, | 0:20:49 | 0:20:52 | |
stuck in his giant pork pie. | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
-And you've been in that pie ever since? -Yeah. | 0:21:02 | 0:21:06 | |
It was surprisingly comfortable, | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
until you set your klaxon off and I fell on Malcolm here. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:11 | |
I do wish you wouldn't do that. | 0:21:11 | 0:21:13 | |
-Well that was a funny old day, wasn't it? -Big Howard, | 0:21:19 | 0:21:23 | |
you might be a big flappy chump, but I did...kinda miss you. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:28 | |
-It's very nice... -Even though Malcolm was cleverer than you. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:31 | |
-And less clumsy. And he had better hair and... -Yes, thank you! | 0:21:31 | 0:21:35 | |
I'm just glad that everything's back to normal. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:39 | |
-MALCOLM: -Help! | 0:21:39 | 0:21:40 | |
There's a knight with a basket of poached eggs after me. | 0:21:40 | 0:21:43 | |
He thinks I'm you! He says you lost his pet butterfly | 0:21:43 | 0:21:47 | |
when you were beaten at water polo by Vanessa Hudgens! | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
ALL: AAAARRRGGGH!! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:55 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:21:55 | 0:21:58 | |
E-mail us at [email protected] | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 |