Nitty Gritty Little Roy

# Hey, everybody Won't you come on in?

# I'm Little Roy and this is Finn

# We live together and we sure are glad

# To have a big sister Becky and my mam and dad

# I'm Little Roy

# I'm Little Roy

# Sometimes a cartoon kid can make mistakes

# Like a runaway train without any brakes

# When I'm in a pickle or a tricky situation

# I love to use my big imagination

# Where I can be Wonder Roy

# With my sidekick Finn

# Battling super villains and we always win

-# Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy

-# I'm Little Roy

-He's Little Roy. #

THEY LAUGH

Hey, everybody. Have you met my new friends?

They're soldiers.

OK, lads. Time to go on your special mission.

-Whoops.

-Erm, love.

-Come here.

-Yeah, I...

-Hold on...

-I know, Bill.

SCREAMING

Becky?

Tristan's after giving me nits.

-TRISTAN:

-I didn't mean to.

Are you sure? Here, let me see.

What are nits?

Tiny little animals that live in people's hair.

Wow, coolest pets ever.

-They're not pets, Roy. No-one wants nits.

-I do.

Don't get upset, love. Everybody catches them.

-Really? How? How? BILL:

-They jump from one head to another.

That's how Becky got them off Tristan.

Cool.

Er, Roy...

Have I got them yet?

Sorry, love. I don't think cartoon boys can catch human nits.

That's not fair. I want them!

Trust me, son, you're not missing out on anything.

What's the plan?

Get the neighbours round, have a party.

A party? For the nits?

What kind of party is this?

Where's the balloons?

Where's the banner?

-Is there going to be cake?

-It's not that kind of party, love.

-Everybody's here to get their hair washed.

-Right, who's next?

-I'll go, Joan.

-JIMMY:

-Right this way, madam.

-TRISTAN:

-Roy, why are you queueing up?

-To get my hair washed.

But you don't need to.

That's not a bad thing. You should be pleased.

I always get left out at things like this.

Here, have another go.

See if you can catch some of mine.

-BILL:

-Er, Roy, what are you doing?

Can I get my hair washed too?

You never know, I might've caught some of Tristan's nits.

Sure you can.

Join the queue, sweetheart.

Jimmy, have you enough lotion left over for Roy?

-JIMMY:

-Course we do. Plenty.

How long do we keep this gunk on our hair for?

-Reg!

-Huh? Well, it stinks like an old sock, Barbara.

Well, you see, we leave it to soak for half an hour,

-and then we rinse it out.

-Oh.

-JIMMY:

-Right, who's next?

-BECKY:

-Me!

-MAURA:

-Is your head itchy, love?

-Mad itchy.

-BILL:

-Must be the nits.

-THEY LAUGH

-TRISTAN:

-Erm, everyone...

There's something moving in Roy's head.

Can you see them?

Roy...

you've got nits.

Told you. Same as everybody else.

-What are we going to do?

-Treat them with the lotion.

-But they're cartoons.

-They are? Let me see!

My nits are amazing!

You can say that again.

My nits are amazing!

-What's going on?

-Nits, Becky. I've seven of them.

-JOAN:

-He has nits?

-Mm-hm.

Well, that's great, Roy. We'll take care of them in no time.

Did you hear that, lads?

The lotion's on its way.

-Er, Roy...

-Not now, Becky.

Mam, he doesn't understand. We have to tell him.

-Tell me what?

-You do know why we're putting the lotion in our hair,

don't you, sweetheart?

To keep the nits nice and clean?

The lotion gets rid of them.

-What?! BILL:

-We're sorry, son.

-We didn't think you'd catch them.

But I did, and they're fantastic.

Not like yours. Mine have a barbecue and a satellite dish.

-REG:

-I wonder what channels they're tuning into.

THEY LAUGH

I'm not going to let you hurt them.

Son, you can't keep them.

Why not? They won't do any harm.

-Roy.

-Where are you going, love?

-TRISTAN:

-Run for it, Roy.

-JIMMY:

-Go to your left, Bill.

-My left or your left?

-MAURA:

-Roy, come back.

Mind your heads, lads.

You don't have to run off, love. We just want to talk to you.

You're not hurting my friends.

THEY COUGH

Tell them to stop. What does it matter if Roy has nits?

Oh, look at that.

All right, Roy. You win, you can keep them.

-Bill.

-We're never going to catch him, Maura.

-JIMMY:

-Speak for yourself. I nearly have him worn down.

Are you going to stop chasing me?

Yes, love. But the nits still have to go.

Why?

If we don't wash them out, everyone else will get infected again.

I know you're upset, I understand.

I even think they're adorable, in their own unique sort of way.

But they're not like Finn, love. You can't keep them as pets.

OK, everyone in.

-Wrong footwear.

-I see that, yeah.

Is Mam right? Do you have to go?

What would Wonder Roy do?

What's the trouble, Finn?

Machines are breaking down all over Toonville.

What's causing all this damage?

Saltwater.

Of course, no wonder the machines are breaking.

Wonder Roy, look.

Uh-oh. We'll have to take the stairs.

85 floors?!

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup...

-This is actually not that bad.

-WONDER ROY PANTS

It's The Messer. Oh, hi, Glitterella.

-Who owns the whale?

-I do. His name's Dougie.

I keep telling him, Dougie has to go.

Splashing water, singing songs all night, waking people up,

-why won't you listen?

-Read it and weep, Glitterella.

Nothing in the rule book against keeping pets in Villa de Villains.

Whales aren't pets. They belong in the ocean.

Dougie's my best friend. I am not sending him away.

Allow me, I speak fluent Whale.

WHALE SONG

-Well?

-Dougie says you're his best friend too,

but he does miss the ocean.

Sorry, Dougie. I didn't know you were unhappy.

-I guess it's time you went home.

-HE CRIES

WHALE SONG

I thought that this might cheer you up.

Wow. He's lovely.

The name's Roman. Pleased to meet you.

Do you need me to carry you downstairs?

-FINN:

-Nah, I'll be fine.

Wait a minute. We're superheroes, we have capes.

-We could've just flown up here.

-Oh, yeah.

Never thought of that. THEY LAUGH

Well, I guess some animals aren't meant to be pets.

I'm ready for the lotion.

Good boy.

-Can I say goodbye first?

-Of course you can, love.

BILL CRIES

-Need a hanky, Dad?

-No, no, I'm... I'm fine.

I think I've got something in my eye, lotion or something.

-BARBARA:

-Poor Roy.

-I know.

-REG:

-It's a shame the little fellas have to leave.

-BECKY:

-Well, do they really? Maybe we can keep them.

-Er, Becky.

-BILL:

-Yeah, maybe we could build, I don't know,

-like an ant farm, or something.

-JIMMY:

-You mean a nit farm.

Yeah, exactly! We could put it out the back garden.

-JOAN:

-People keep bees and butterflies that way,

-why not nits?

-BARBARA:

-Teach them tricks!

-MAURA:

-Thanks, make me feel like the bad guy.

No, I'm sorry, love. It's just...

You see Roy and his little heart breaking.

-You think I like asking him to do this?

-No, of course not.

Nits are not meant to be pets, Bill. No matter what way you dress it up.

Maura's right.

I wish she wasn't.

-BECKY:

-Me too.

-Me three.

But we don't want to catch them again, do we?

-ALL:

-No!

No!

BILL CRIES

Hey, lads, I need to talk to you about...

Lads? What's going on?

You're leaving?

Because of the lotion?

I'm so sorry.

I'd do anything to keep you as pets, it's just...

THEY CHATTER Oh, if only I spoke Nit.

-I can't understand a word you're...

-What we're saying, Roy,

is how dare you call us your pets?!

We have never been so insulted in all our nit lives.

We are the highest forms of life on this planet, not you.

I'm sorry.

Well, at least you've got the good manners to apologise.

Where are you going to go now?

Onwards and sidewards, like the brave, heroic explorers we are.

Nits never stay in one place for too long, you know?

Not when there's seven billion other scalps to visit.

-So you're not sad to be leaving?

-Of course not, it's what we do.

Although in all our years of exploring,

yours is the most amazing scalp we've ever visited.

Really?

Before you go, can I ask a favour?

Just name it.

-You were right.

-I was? About what?

Coolest pets ever.

Guests, Becky.

Sorry, coolest guests ever.

Oh, and you don't have to worry.

The lads promised to come back and visit me again.

They did?

Night-night, nits, wherever you are.

-What...? Get it out.

-No.

-Get it out!

Wait, wait.

Ugh!

No, I'm not touching that.

-Get the bottle.

-You get the bottle.

-You get the bottle.

-You.

I told you, you get the bottle.