Brothers Lockie Leonard

'Welcome to my life.

'Status check - think you're perfect.

'I was officially the coolest guy in school.'

-Hey, Lockie. How's it going?

-'People looked up to me as a wicked surfer

'and president of the Board Riding Association.

'And my girlfriend, Vicki, saw me as the perfect boyfriend.

'Yup, I had become Mr Popular and I was loving it.

'The only person that didn't seem to notice the new me was Phillip.

'He was way too busy on a top secret assignment.

'Project Lisa was in full swing. He was planning to make his move

'at the blue light disco tomorrow night.'

Hi, Lisa! Over here!

-Hey, Phillip! You gonna play basketball?

-Er...

Just supporting the team.

All right, girls, come on. Two laps of the oval before we start.

Aww, please! But your favourite song just came on!

Problem solved. Come on, girls, two laps of the oval, let's go.

Do you want me to watch your stuff while you're gone?

'It was downright scary the way Phillip thought Lisa saw him.'

'Told you it was scary!'

Yeah, that'd be great, Phillip. Thanks.

'Like Sarge says, when opportunity knocks,

'you answer the door.

'While Phillip was trying to start a relationship,

'mine was waiting for me on the beach.

'Vicki and me had become the perfect couple.

'We'd reached a comfortable place together.

'I could tell her everything.'

Hey, I've been thinking.

How about we go for Chinese before the disco tomorrow night?

-Dinner? Like, a real "date" date?

-Yeah, it'd be cool.

I'd love that. It'd be so romantic. Dinner and dancing.

Dancing?!

Duh! We're going to the disco!

Oh, yeah, right. Fun!

'But I can't dance!

'So maybe I couldn't tell her everything,

'because I was Mr Perfect. And perfect guys CAN dance

'at blue light discos.'

We start with a set of classic songs, then on to modern songs.

Then we announce the best dancing couple.

Before the finale, we play one slow song.

Who chooses the music?

Ooh! Ooh!

-Yes, Reverend?

-I'd love to be in charge of the music.

I'm very hip to the beat, if I say so myself!

-Used to be quite the muso.

-You might be very busy.

-Perhaps there's someone else.

-Mrs S? My dad is pretty rockin'

in a musical sense, more than most oldies.

Er...Geoffrey... what exactly are you doing here?

This is a disco for kids and I'm giving a kid's opinion.

And I think my dad can do it. No worries.

Well...

-It looks like we have our DJ.

-Yes!

So what do the rest of us get to do?

What you do best - patrol. Keep things in order.

You are the blue light in the blue light disco after all.

I'll be head shoe checker. It's a vital job.

"Don't you dare wear thongs, young man! Lisa, arrest that boy!"

'It was good that Philip didn't see Lisa laughing at Johnny's jokes.

'But bad for me that he was at home.'

-Philip!

-I know Lisa's favourite song is here somewhere!

I've got the best invention to give her at the disco.

-You could've asked!

-You always let me play your CDs!

Yes, found it!

Things have changed!

Talk about supremo grumpy.

I'm not grumpy, I'm popular.

And from now on, you treat my stuff with respect!

Is that my basketball?

Technically, yes.

I'm fixing it to play music, so Lisa can think of me when she's training.

-How can I play basketball now?

-But you hate basketball!

You don't get it, I've changed! I love basketball now!

You have changed. You think you're better than everyone.

But you've just got a big head, bigger than your stupid basketball!

'Philip was right - my head had grown as big as a basketball.

'I just didn't realise it at the time.'

Why don't you see what everyone else sees?

-That Lisa's only nice to you, cos Sarge is her boss!

-That's not true!

We bonded over mutual interests - science and inventions -

-and a love of barbecue.

-Right(!) Like you know anything about girls!

Just clean up my stuff! 'It was our first proper fight.

'Philip decided it was time he had his own bedroom. It was OK by me.'

-Are you sure you're OK with this, love? It's a big change.

-Fine, Mum.

Me and Lockie have come to an agreement.

I agree that he's an idiot and he agrees that I'm a moron.

'As well as upsetting Mum,

'our fight gave Philip something else to worry about.

'And the only person who could help him out was Lisa.'

-Hey, Lisa.

-Hey! What are you up to?

Just testing out my new bike brakes. I thought I'd pop in.

I'm trying to remember what your favourite school subject was.

Science, you know that.

Oh, that's right! We talked about it ages ago at the barbecue.

-Found out we had heaps in common, didn't we?

-Sure did!

And almost blew up the shed. That was fun.

Tops.

-So, er, still going to the disco?

-Yeah, course I am!

-Gonna save me a dance, Philip?

-Call me Phil,

and I'll definitely save you a dance, Lisa.

-MUSIC PLAYS

-'So there I was - a room to myself.

'And my goal? To look halfway-normal on the dance floor.

'Or at least a quarter-way.'

What do you call that?

-MUSIC IS TURNED OFF

-Dancing?

-Try a slower song.

-Crawl before you can walk?

-What? Can you dance?

-Never really tried.

-Too afraid to make a fool of yourself?

No-one's gonna be looking at me.

I'm practically invisible. They'll all be watching Mr Popular

and checking out your clothes and watching every single move.

-Still working hard on a new invention, Philip?

-Yeah!

-It's a winner in progress, Sarge.

-Can't wait to see it.

-So how's everybody enjoying the lasagne?

-Mmm!

Lasagne?! I thought it was spaghetti and meatballs?

-Oh, I followed the recipe exactly!

-I think what Lockie meant to say was

-it's sublime and thank you for preparing it, right?

-Right.

Sorry.

I like the lumps, Mum.

What's wrong, Lockie?

Worried you might have to dance in public tomorrow?

Oh, that's right - you do. Pity you can't dance!

Everybody can dance! Especially Leonards.

Lockie might be challenged in that area, Sarge.

Lockie, have you told Vicki about your little problem yet?

'I could feel it happening again. The mean streak!

'There was nothing I could do to stop it!'

That's it! You're never touching my stuff again!

-And stay out of my room! For good!

-Hey! That's enough!

Don't make me repeat the clothes line lesson!

'When Philip was five,

'he ate the head off my Surfing Safari action figure,

'and we fought for two days until Sarge found a solution.'

However, if you can prove that you can behave,

I might chuck in a rare treat I've been saving for a special occasion.

We'll work on it, Sarge.

Won't we, Philip?

Sarge... could I have a lock on my door?

I thought you'd given up the knitting. It made you too tense.

What if they go on like this, fighting forever?

What if they never get the closeness back?

Oh, it's just a phase.

Hormones, high school, friends. It's a lot to deal with, remember?

The sweetness of change is in the air.

What now will come and replace it there?

Whether it be soft and hardly to see...

or measure it forth by a raging sea.

Well...let's hope it doesn't bring a raging sea with it.

No need to bring out the dotty PJs just yet.

The boys will be fine.

'No-one wanted Mum pulling out her dotty PJs.

'That meant a whole day in bed and lots more knitting.

'So I came up with a plan to make everyone happy.

'A plan that included a CD

'and two award-winning performances from Philip and me.' Hi, Philip.

Gee, that looks interesting. What are you working on?

It's a surprise present for someone special.

-It's a basketball which plays music.

-Right!

Here, I thought you might want to borrow the CD you were looking for.

-Thanks, Lockie.

-You're welcome, Philip.

Keep that up and look forward to that rare treat later.

'Yes! We pulled it off. Looking like friends again.'

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

-God wants you to party hearty!

-HE CHATTERS TO HIMSELF

-Hi, Rev, how's it going?

-Oh, Philip! Didn't see you there!

I need to ask you a really huge favour about the disco.

-Sounds important.

-The Sarge told me you were in charge of the music,

-including the special slow song at the end.

-That's right.

-A big responsibility.

-If you played track 3

for the slow song, you'll make two people really happy.

-Oh, Lockie and Vicki, is it?

-I really can't say, Rev,

but everybody loves track 3. It's a real winner!

-I'll leave it in God's hands now.

-'Since you've been behaving,'

it's time for that rare treat.

You're about to witness a ten-year tradition.

My body is the instrument,

music the ignition.

Behold! How to dance

and in style. Hit it, Joy!

MUSIC STARTS

This is the rare treat?

'To everyone else, Sarge looked like a praying mantis on hot coals.

'But to Mum, he was the man.

'And she was a goner.'

MUSIC STOPS

Are you going to dance like that at the disco?

'Sarge's special treat didn't help at all.

'I was still stuck. And I only had a few minutes left

'to practise before my big dinner date with Vicki,

'so I decided to take advantage.'

SHEEP: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Crikey! I've seen three-legged cows with more rhythm than that!

-Baa!

-'Cyril was right - I was doomed!'

Are you sure you're OK with the Szechuan chicken? It's pretty spicy.

Yeah. I have pepper on my dinner all the time at home.

-It's great to hide the taste.

-Yeah, but you know it's chilli, right?

'I was trying my best to enjoy my dinner with Vicki.

'After all, it was so different from the last time we were here.'

Maybe you should get back to me when you're grown up a bit, in 25 years!

'Things were different now. She no longer thought I was a kid.

'She liked me for who I was.

'I could tell her the truth - that I couldn't dance.'

Vicki...

There's something I sort of have to tell you.

I don't want you to get upset.

It's about...

What?

You didn't eat a whole chilli, did you?

Water.

I need water.

Thirsty.

-What are you trying to tell me?

-That I can't...

I can't...

Oh, I know. I can't wait, either. Let's go dancing.

'HE SCREAMS'

# There's a first time

# There's a first time

# There's a first time

# For everything

# You don't have to be the altar boy to sing

# That's the last time I feel a thing

# I feel a thing

# Until you die, of course, in which case there may be

# But I'm holding onto the learning

# And the reading I've been doing... #

Are you OK?

Great.

'But I wasn't. The chilli chicken had turned into chilli frogs

'practising karaoke in my tummy. I really needed to go to the toilet.'

And now, for all your crazy cats out there,

put your paws together for your DJ guest -

Egg!

RIPPLE OF APPLAUSE

HEAVY ROCK MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY

'Egg was right. No-one was watching him.

'And no-one cared what he looked like.

'With one exception.

'It was my chance to go to the toilet.'

Won't be a sec.

'But all the cubicles were full of people ignoring Egg.'

'All I could think of was of making best friends with the toilet.

'Just then...'

Lockland Robert Louis Stevenson Leonard,

will you dance with me?

'How could I say no?'

Of course.

'The moment of truth.

'Goodbye, Mr Popular. Goodbye, perfect boyfriend.

'Hello, sad loser.

'I knew I was about to become the biggest joke in Angelus.

'So why postpone the torture?'

'Right on cue, the frog decided to breakdance in my stomach.'

CHEERING

Remind you of anybody?

The spitting image.

'I didn't know it at the time.

'I was trying to hold my stomach together.

'till the last possible second.

'But I created Angelus history that night.

'It became known as rumbly bum rumbler.

'And suddenly, the chilli frogs made room

'for what felt like a rhinoceros.'

-Lockie.

-Not now, Philip.

Lockie, I know you don't like me much any more,

but I need you to tell me when I should give the ball to Lisa.

I'm busy here. Figure it out yourself.

This is important.

-And the winners are Victoria...

-TOILET FLUSHES

-and Lockie.

-Me and Vicki, we won!

If I give it to her too soon it might ruin...

I told you, I'm busy.

'OK, so I was acting like a lunatic, a head a size of a basketball,

'but it wasn't the best timing in the world.'

-Look, you've got something...

-What?

-What is it?

-Never mind.

'At the time, I didn't know why Philip chose not to tell me,

'but thinking about it later...

'I would've done the same thing if I was him.'

Everyone, the best dancing couple!

'I couldn't believe it, but like Vicki said once,

'life is full of mysteries.

'And just like that, my tummy finally felt OK.'

Now find your partners, people, because coming up

is the much anticipated slow song

-for the evening.

-Wait here, OK, I'll be right back.

And don't forget to head to Strict Motors for your next great deal!

BALLAD MUSIC STARTS

I used to dream about being like this.

What?

In love with a nice guy.

Someone who cares about me.

Someone bright and gentle.

I knew tonight would be perfect.

Just like out of a romance novel.

'It all worked out

'and Vicki still wanted to be with me.

'As Philip's heart broke into a million pieces,

'I realised how much he really meant to me.

That's my stuff.

Yeah, guilty.

It's weird, but I actually missed you gum slopping last night.

I thought you might want to move back in.

And what if I don't want to?

Then I have to resort to plan B,

which involves begging

and grovelling, possibly even favours.

Hot chocolate.

Thanks.

Now, where would you like yours?

Here is fine for now.

Let's talk about these favours.

'I really wanted to say sorry the way I acted,

'for getting a big head, for being selfish,

'for everything,

'but all that came out was...'

Sorry.

As in how many favours and for how long?

I could start by unpacking your stuff.

'Philip had let me off the hook,

'for the most part.

'So I wasn't perfect.

'No-one was.

'Maybe all that mattered was that the people you cared about

'saw the real you and still loved you,

'even when you acted like an idiot.

'And right now I owed it to Philip

'to act like the biggest idiot I could.'

# One in a million

# One in a million... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd