It Happens... Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

'I'm on that bus, somewhere between the city and Angelus...

'and it's hot on the bus and smelly

'and by smell I mean the worst thing you could ever imagine,

'a stink so hideously bad, so horrifyingly horrible...

'The aroma of old Squasher's socks was like roses in comparison.

'It made the greeny-brown stuff in Blob's nappy

'seem like pistachio ice-cream.

'Even the pong of Phillip's latest experiment

'had nothing on what was in the bus that day.

'The source of that smell,

'the origin of the stink to end all stinks,

'was unfortunately coming from me.

Yeah, it was one of those days when

'the collective powers of the animal kingdom conspired against me.'

You, off the bus.

'But what really stinks is no matter how much you think

'you have your future sussed,

'there's always some random act that comes along to stuff everything up.

'Like bus drivers with overly sensitive noses,

'or girlfriends, or comets.

'OK. Rewind.

'It all started when Phillip had found out his friend Marjorie

'was preparing for her final journey.'

Phillip, Marjorie's...

'Trouble is, he didn't want her to leave.'

Strange. He was here a moment ago.

Phillip, are you in there?

Phillip's not here at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message,

you may do so after the beep. Beep!

Phillip, it's Marje. I just wanted to let you know

that I double checked and my original calculations were right.

The comet is here

and it should be on view about this time tomorrow evening.

Cause for celebration I would have thought.

Beep! End of message.

'It wasn't the only avoidance behaviour

'happening around Angelus that day.'

Egg's not here, Lockie.

You just missed him.

We were supposed to go fishing this afternoon.

-We organised it yesterday.

-He didn't mention anything.

-Right.

-If he comes back soon tell him I'll see him down the jetty.

-No worries.

ALL: Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol!

Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol!

THEY CHEER AND LAUGH

'Somehow, somewhere along the line, the future decided it was time

'I lost my best friend to Curtis.

'How did that happen?

'Why didn't I see that coming?

'I figured Vicki would have an answer

'and even if she didn't it was a nice excuse to catch up.

'But Vicki was not available.

'I guess her school's internet was down again.

Or maybe you're just no fun anymore, Lockie.

Have you considered that?

You know, Egg's staying away from you for a reason.

It's time we all moved on.

Us, it - it's so last year.

But why can't things just stay how they were?

Why do they have to change?

'I wasn't the only one who wanted to turn back time.

I must have been asleep. I dozed off.

When I woke up I found this.

I smell crime.

Let's not jump the gun, Constable Wattle.

Do you know anyone who might have reason

-to deny you access to the observatory?

-No. No-one.

Whoever it is can't spell "prohibited".

Sarge!

I've got something.

Dust it for prints.

Sarge, Sarge, what's going on?

I need to speak to Phillip on a police matter.

CONSTABLE: I smell guilt!

Phillip, spell "prohibited".

P-R-O-H-I-B-A-T-E-D.

I, not A.

I'm a man of science, not letters.

Empty your pockets.

You don't have to do anything without a lawyer present!

-Joy, don't make this harder than it needs to be.

-It's OK, Mum.

-San...

-SARGE CLICKS FINGERS

Phillip Leonard, did you wilfully seek to bar Marjorie Beaumont

rightful access to her observatory using physical means

including police issue tape and the padlock I'm holding in front of me?

You don't have to answer that.

Yes.

Can I ask you why you did this?

It's my understanding that there is a comet approaching Angelus.

Is it also true that once this comet is sighted,

a certain local astronomer, namely Marjorie Beaumont,

will leave this life for good having completed her life's work?

Yes.

I would like to warn the prosecution that if he doesn't let my client off

with a warning, he can jolly well fix his own dinner!

I think this case requires further contemplation.

I would like some one-on-one time with the offender.

See the sand, Phillip?

See how some grains of sand get washed up?

Some get washed away.

Some just stay where they are,

till a wave comes and then the whole process happens again.

-What's your point?

-My point is, life is always changing.

Nothing stays the same forever.

That's not fair.

Just because Marjorie's leaving Angelus,

doesn't mean she's leaving us forever.

You'll meet again in some form or other.

I think the word you're searching for is "reincarnation", Sarge.

The jury's still out on that concept.

Say Marjorie turns into a dolphin or a sabre-toothed tiger -

that's not much use to me.

I can't speak either language.

Unless you're a dolphin

or sabre-toothed tiger when you meet again.

PHILLIP SIGHS

Like I said, the jury is still out.

Let me try again.

Let me call on the power of rejuvenating verse.

Evolution, by Langdon Smith.

"When you were a tadpole and I was a fish

"In the Paleozoic time

"And side by side On the ebbing tide..."

Sorry for padlocking your observatory.

Don't be sorry. I understand.

You're upset because I'm leaving.

Why does it have to be so soon?

Why can't it be next week, or next month?

-Or next year?

-That comet has my name on it.

It's taking me on my next journey and i couldn't miss it

even if I wanted to.

Dear boy, we will meet again.

That's what the Sarge reckons.

Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

Before I go, why don't we have a picnic together?

Let's make a real splash of it.

Don't expect me to be in the real party mood.

I really need a rest. You better get going home.

I want to stay with you.

Phillip, I need my rest...to get ready for the party.

What should I bring?

Just yourself, and if you happen to have a wheel of Roquefort cheese

bring that along as well.

-Roque-what?

-It's a fine French blue cheese

with delicate character and piquancy.

I've only ever tasted it once and I'll never forget it.

I'd love to taste that cheese just one more time before I shuffle off.

BLEATING

Phillip, what are you doing?

I need ewe's milk - a litre of it.

You're going to have trouble getting it from Cyril. He's a boy sheep.

Are you OK?

-Why do you need ewe's milk?

-You wouldn't understand.

-Try me.

-Marjorie needs

-Roquefort. What? Rocket fuel?

No, Roquefort. It's a fancy French cheese.

It's Marjorie's favourite.

-Oh.

-This is a total disaster. The comet's going to come

and Marjorie's going to go and I won't be able to give her

any Roquefort to help her on her final journey.

-Why not buy some?

-Great idea, Lockie, not!

I've only been to every single shop in Angelus

and not one of them sells Roquefort.

I'm not ready to let her go, Lockie.

I'm not sure I'll ever be, but she's going anyway

and I can't even give her a proper send off.

I don't think this is a good idea.

Egg's caught the bus to the city on his own heaps of times.

Yeah, with the Rev's permission and his mum waiting for him

at the other end.

Trust me, I'll be fine. I'll just get the cheese

and hop straight on the return bus.

Why are you doing this?

Cos you're my brother.

I want to help you out. Do I need another reason?

SQUELCH

(Oh.)

BIRD SQUAWKS

SPLAT

How much for that wedge of "Woquefort"?

-Roquefort.

-Right. Roquefort.

74.

HE COUGHS

That one there.

-Cheaper. 36.80.

-That's crazy. I don't have that kind of money.

Wait, wait. How much can I get for this?

Out.

'Luckily Phillip was working on a back up plan.

'He wasn't letting a lack of proper ingredients get in his way.'

"Woque" what?

It's "Crockafort."

No, it's Roquefort.

R-O-Q-U-E-F-O-R-T.

Whatever it is, it's alive. Look, it's moving.

GURGLING

It's a live culture, Joy.

It's a little too alive for my liking.

-Are you sure this thing's safe, Phillip?

-I'd bet my life on it.

BANG

'And then I had a brainwave. Since I was in the city,

'why not pay Vicki a visit?

'OK, so maybe that had been my plan all along.

'And maybe I wasn't here to find some smelly old French cheese.

'But it's not like I hadn't given it a shot - a real good shot.

'Suddenly there she was.

'Vicki Streeton.

'What a vision of loveliness.

'This is weird, but I guess there's probably loads of reasons

'why there's a bunch of boys playing footie in an all-girls' college.

'They're probably poor boys from underprivileged backgrounds

'whose schools are without facilities like footie ovals.

'There she is being nice and supportive

'to one of the underprivileged boys.

'That's Vicki all over.'

LAUGHTER

'Suddenly the idea of meeting up with Vicki and her new found friends

'smelling like I did seemed like a pretty dumb idea.'

Lockie Leonard.

'So I did the only sensible thing

-'I could do.'

-CLANG

Vicki, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here is more the question.

What was the answer?

Josh Wood-Pont, meet Lockie Leonard.

Hi. How are you going?

Right now not so good.

You don't smell so good either.

You know, there's a shower here you can use.

I can lend you some clothes.

'Vicki's friend was so nice I took an immediate dislike to him.'

Thanks, but I need to go.

Go? But you only just got here.

I just wanted to say hello. So, hello.

What about something to eat before you go?

Thanks, Josh, but I'm fine.

Anyway, all I have is some smelly old Roquefort.

TING!

Actually I might take some of that if it's OK, for my trip home.

Do you know about the myth behind the Roquefort, Lockie?

There's a myth about a cheese?

Roquefort is made in France in caves and legend has it

that once upon a time there was this shepherd

having some cheese in his cave

when he spies this beautiful young girl traipsing through the fields...

'He was so taken by her beauty that he dropped his cheese

'and ran out after her.

'When he returned, he found that his cheese had gotten all mouldy.

'He took a bite anyway, he was that hungry,

'and the taste, they say, was the taste of heaven.'

So he got the cheese, but did he get the girl?

He got both and they lived happily ever after!

So, you've been hard to get hold of.

I keep getting this message you're not available.

I've been snowed under with my studies.

Josh and I have been building this model of a greenhouse

for environmental science.

-You and Josh?

-We're study buddies.

And his house is totally organic and sustainable.

It helps global warming and world peace.

You guys make a good team.

Josh is totally focussed on his future.

He's going to be an environmental lawyer.

-Clever Josh.

-He is pretty clever.

He's got a 25-year plan worked out for his future.

He knows exactly where he's going to be at every point.

-25 years?

-I'm working on my own 25-year plan.

Right. I still have trouble knowing what I'm doing tomorrow.

But you've given some thought to your future,

-like what you're going to do when you leave school?

-Surf?

Same old Lockie Leonard.

'Vicki was disappointed. I should have said something like

'brain surgeon or something,

'but I don't think she would have believed me.

'And besides, I'd told enough lies that day.'

So I guess this is goodbye then?

-Really? Goodbye?

-Haven't you got a bus to catch?

Oh yeah. Yes.

So...

So...

Goodbye, Lockie.

Bye, Vicki.

'It all felt very final.

'Normally I'd get a "bye" or maybe "I'll see you".

'But this was the full on formal version.

'Goodbye.'

BIRDS SQUAWK

'Yep, today was one of those days

'that just went from bad to worse.

SQUAWKING

Oh, no!

Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's.

Phillip, where's Lockie?

Lockie's gone to the city.

PASSENGERS CHEER

'So here I am, back where we started.

'Somewhere between the city and Angelus and completely lost.

SCREECH

Absconding without parental permission.

Lying.

Conspiracy to induce others to lie on your behalf.

Offences under the olfactory act.

I'm sorry, Sarge. It won't happen again.

Anything else to report?

I just had one of those days that goes from bad to terrible.

The thing is, Lockie, without a bad day

how are you ever going to be able to measure a good one?

You see life is mostly in the middle.

Not too many highs, not too many lows.

So you should be grateful you had such an unmitigatedly terrible day.

It means a great day is just around the corner.

Yeah, well I'm due a corker.

What happened?

Egg has a new friend and I think Vicki and I broke up.

Ouch!

The double header.

-What did she say?

-Goodbye.

It was the way she said it.

That and the fact she's got her whole life planned out

and I don't fit into any of it.

-Her whole life mapped out, you say?

-25 years.

See the thing about the future, Lock - you can't plan everything.

It happens.

It just happens.

'The Sarge was right. The future was going to come along

'whether I liked it or not.

'Maybe Vicki and I were in that future together

'and maybe we weren't.

'But no 25-year plan, or worrying about it

'was going to change anything.

Thanks, Lock. Marjorie will be chuffed.

What if I never make a friend like her again?

I'm going to live for a long time.

I could have a very lonely future ahead of me.

There's no point worrying about the future, Phillip.

The thing about the future...

It happens.

It just happens.

I like it. Is it one of yours?

It is now!

Thanks, Lockie.

And, Lock, you're the best brother on the planet.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

It's disgusting. I can't believe you actually like it.

Oh! It tastes like heaven.

Heaven on earth.

I've got another surprise. I think you'll like it. Yeah.

Evolution by Langdon Smith.

"When you were a tadpole And I was a fish

"In the Paleozoic time

"And side by side On the ebbing tide

"We sprawled through the ooze and slime

"Or skittered with many a caudal flip

"through the Cambrian fen

"My heart was rife with the joy of life

"I loved you even then

"Mindless we lived Mindless we loved

"Mindless at last we died

"And deep in the rift of the Caradoc drift

"We slumbered side by side

"The world turned on In the lathe of time

"The hot lands heaved amain

"Till we caught our breath From the womb of death

"And crept into life again

"Our love is old Our lives are old

"And death shall come amain

"Should it come today What man may say

"We shall not live again?"

Such a wonderful poem.

Such beautiful words.

And despite everything, love, true friendship,

It will never die.

It will never die.

Yeah. It's a good one.

Oh, dear boy, come here. Oh!

Oh!

# Over the airwaves tonight

# Sailing by a love lonely light

# But isn't it blue? Or is it the sight of you...? #

'Several days later, after finally letting go,

'Marjorie rode her comet back to the stars.'

# Asleep in perfection

# Asleep in perfection... #

There it goes now, almost out of sight.

You get naming rights if you're the one to discover

a comet, asteroid thing you know?

Yes, Lockie. I get naming rights.

So what are you going to call it?

Well, it's a she for starters, so what do you reckon?

# ..Directed at you

# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #

Subtitles by Shaun Hadnett Red Bee Media Ltd

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