It Happens... Lockie Leonard


It Happens...

Live action comedy series. When Phillip cannot find a key menu item in Angelus, Lockie volunteers to sneak off to the city to find it.


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Transcript


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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# There was just enough to get that far away

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# Ooh... #

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'I'm on that bus, somewhere between the city and Angelus...

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'and it's hot on the bus and smelly

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'and by smell I mean the worst thing you could ever imagine,

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'a stink so hideously bad, so horrifyingly horrible...

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'The aroma of old Squasher's socks was like roses in comparison.

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'It made the greeny-brown stuff in Blob's nappy

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'seem like pistachio ice-cream.

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'Even the pong of Phillip's latest experiment

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'had nothing on what was in the bus that day.

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'The source of that smell,

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'the origin of the stink to end all stinks,

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'was unfortunately coming from me.

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Yeah, it was one of those days when

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'the collective powers of the animal kingdom conspired against me.'

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You, off the bus.

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'But what really stinks is no matter how much you think

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'you have your future sussed,

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'there's always some random act that comes along to stuff everything up.

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'Like bus drivers with overly sensitive noses,

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'or girlfriends, or comets.

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'OK. Rewind.

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'It all started when Phillip had found out his friend Marjorie

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'was preparing for her final journey.'

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Phillip, Marjorie's...

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'Trouble is, he didn't want her to leave.'

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Strange. He was here a moment ago.

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Phillip, are you in there?

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Phillip's not here at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message,

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you may do so after the beep. Beep!

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Phillip, it's Marje. I just wanted to let you know

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that I double checked and my original calculations were right.

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The comet is here

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and it should be on view about this time tomorrow evening.

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Cause for celebration I would have thought.

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Beep! End of message.

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'It wasn't the only avoidance behaviour

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'happening around Angelus that day.'

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Egg's not here, Lockie.

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You just missed him.

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We were supposed to go fishing this afternoon.

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-We organised it yesterday.

-He didn't mention anything.

-Right.

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-If he comes back soon tell him I'll see him down the jetty.

-No worries.

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ALL: Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol!

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Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol! Skol!

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THEY CHEER AND LAUGH

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'Somehow, somewhere along the line, the future decided it was time

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'I lost my best friend to Curtis.

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'How did that happen?

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'Why didn't I see that coming?

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'I figured Vicki would have an answer

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'and even if she didn't it was a nice excuse to catch up.

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'But Vicki was not available.

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'I guess her school's internet was down again.

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Or maybe you're just no fun anymore, Lockie.

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Have you considered that?

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You know, Egg's staying away from you for a reason.

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It's time we all moved on.

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Us, it - it's so last year.

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But why can't things just stay how they were?

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Why do they have to change?

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'I wasn't the only one who wanted to turn back time.

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I must have been asleep. I dozed off.

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When I woke up I found this.

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I smell crime.

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Let's not jump the gun, Constable Wattle.

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Do you know anyone who might have reason

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-to deny you access to the observatory?

-No. No-one.

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Whoever it is can't spell "prohibited".

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Sarge!

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I've got something.

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Dust it for prints.

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Sarge, Sarge, what's going on?

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I need to speak to Phillip on a police matter.

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CONSTABLE: I smell guilt!

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Phillip, spell "prohibited".

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P-R-O-H-I-B-A-T-E-D.

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I, not A.

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I'm a man of science, not letters.

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Empty your pockets.

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You don't have to do anything without a lawyer present!

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-Joy, don't make this harder than it needs to be.

-It's OK, Mum.

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-San...

-SARGE CLICKS FINGERS

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Phillip Leonard, did you wilfully seek to bar Marjorie Beaumont

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rightful access to her observatory using physical means

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including police issue tape and the padlock I'm holding in front of me?

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You don't have to answer that.

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Yes.

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Can I ask you why you did this?

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It's my understanding that there is a comet approaching Angelus.

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Is it also true that once this comet is sighted,

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a certain local astronomer, namely Marjorie Beaumont,

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will leave this life for good having completed her life's work?

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Yes.

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I would like to warn the prosecution that if he doesn't let my client off

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with a warning, he can jolly well fix his own dinner!

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I think this case requires further contemplation.

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I would like some one-on-one time with the offender.

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See the sand, Phillip?

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See how some grains of sand get washed up?

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Some get washed away.

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Some just stay where they are,

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till a wave comes and then the whole process happens again.

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-What's your point?

-My point is, life is always changing.

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Nothing stays the same forever.

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That's not fair.

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Just because Marjorie's leaving Angelus,

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doesn't mean she's leaving us forever.

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You'll meet again in some form or other.

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I think the word you're searching for is "reincarnation", Sarge.

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The jury's still out on that concept.

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Say Marjorie turns into a dolphin or a sabre-toothed tiger -

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that's not much use to me.

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I can't speak either language.

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Unless you're a dolphin

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or sabre-toothed tiger when you meet again.

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PHILLIP SIGHS

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Like I said, the jury is still out.

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Let me try again.

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Let me call on the power of rejuvenating verse.

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Evolution, by Langdon Smith.

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"When you were a tadpole and I was a fish

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"In the Paleozoic time

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"And side by side On the ebbing tide..."

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Sorry for padlocking your observatory.

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Don't be sorry. I understand.

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You're upset because I'm leaving.

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Why does it have to be so soon?

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Why can't it be next week, or next month?

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-Or next year?

-That comet has my name on it.

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It's taking me on my next journey and i couldn't miss it

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even if I wanted to.

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Dear boy, we will meet again.

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That's what the Sarge reckons.

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Wise man, your dad. Worth listening to.

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Before I go, why don't we have a picnic together?

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Let's make a real splash of it.

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Don't expect me to be in the real party mood.

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I really need a rest. You better get going home.

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I want to stay with you.

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Phillip, I need my rest...to get ready for the party.

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What should I bring?

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Just yourself, and if you happen to have a wheel of Roquefort cheese

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bring that along as well.

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-Roque-what?

-It's a fine French blue cheese

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with delicate character and piquancy.

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I've only ever tasted it once and I'll never forget it.

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I'd love to taste that cheese just one more time before I shuffle off.

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BLEATING

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Phillip, what are you doing?

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I need ewe's milk - a litre of it.

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You're going to have trouble getting it from Cyril. He's a boy sheep.

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Are you OK?

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-Why do you need ewe's milk?

-You wouldn't understand.

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-Try me.

-Marjorie needs

-Roquefort. What? Rocket fuel?

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No, Roquefort. It's a fancy French cheese.

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It's Marjorie's favourite.

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-Oh.

-This is a total disaster. The comet's going to come

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and Marjorie's going to go and I won't be able to give her

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any Roquefort to help her on her final journey.

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-Why not buy some?

-Great idea, Lockie, not!

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I've only been to every single shop in Angelus

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and not one of them sells Roquefort.

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I'm not ready to let her go, Lockie.

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I'm not sure I'll ever be, but she's going anyway

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and I can't even give her a proper send off.

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I don't think this is a good idea.

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Egg's caught the bus to the city on his own heaps of times.

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Yeah, with the Rev's permission and his mum waiting for him

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at the other end.

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Trust me, I'll be fine. I'll just get the cheese

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and hop straight on the return bus.

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Why are you doing this?

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Cos you're my brother.

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I want to help you out. Do I need another reason?

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SQUELCH

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(Oh.)

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BIRD SQUAWKS

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SPLAT

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How much for that wedge of "Woquefort"?

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-Roquefort.

-Right. Roquefort.

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74.

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HE COUGHS

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That one there.

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-Cheaper. 36.80.

-That's crazy. I don't have that kind of money.

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Wait, wait. How much can I get for this?

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Out.

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'Luckily Phillip was working on a back up plan.

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'He wasn't letting a lack of proper ingredients get in his way.'

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"Woque" what?

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It's "Crockafort."

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No, it's Roquefort.

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R-O-Q-U-E-F-O-R-T.

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Whatever it is, it's alive. Look, it's moving.

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GURGLING

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It's a live culture, Joy.

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It's a little too alive for my liking.

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-Are you sure this thing's safe, Phillip?

-I'd bet my life on it.

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BANG

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'And then I had a brainwave. Since I was in the city,

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'why not pay Vicki a visit?

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'OK, so maybe that had been my plan all along.

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'And maybe I wasn't here to find some smelly old French cheese.

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'But it's not like I hadn't given it a shot - a real good shot.

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'Suddenly there she was.

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'Vicki Streeton.

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'What a vision of loveliness.

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'This is weird, but I guess there's probably loads of reasons

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'why there's a bunch of boys playing footie in an all-girls' college.

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'They're probably poor boys from underprivileged backgrounds

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'whose schools are without facilities like footie ovals.

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'There she is being nice and supportive

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'to one of the underprivileged boys.

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'That's Vicki all over.'

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LAUGHTER

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'Suddenly the idea of meeting up with Vicki and her new found friends

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'smelling like I did seemed like a pretty dumb idea.'

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Lockie Leonard.

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'So I did the only sensible thing

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-'I could do.'

-CLANG

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Vicki, what are you doing here?

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What are you doing here is more the question.

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What was the answer?

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Josh Wood-Pont, meet Lockie Leonard.

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Hi. How are you going?

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Right now not so good.

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You don't smell so good either.

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You know, there's a shower here you can use.

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I can lend you some clothes.

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'Vicki's friend was so nice I took an immediate dislike to him.'

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Thanks, but I need to go.

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Go? But you only just got here.

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I just wanted to say hello. So, hello.

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What about something to eat before you go?

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Thanks, Josh, but I'm fine.

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Anyway, all I have is some smelly old Roquefort.

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TING!

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Actually I might take some of that if it's OK, for my trip home.

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Do you know about the myth behind the Roquefort, Lockie?

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There's a myth about a cheese?

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Roquefort is made in France in caves and legend has it

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that once upon a time there was this shepherd

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having some cheese in his cave

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when he spies this beautiful young girl traipsing through the fields...

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'He was so taken by her beauty that he dropped his cheese

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'and ran out after her.

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'When he returned, he found that his cheese had gotten all mouldy.

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'He took a bite anyway, he was that hungry,

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'and the taste, they say, was the taste of heaven.'

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So he got the cheese, but did he get the girl?

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He got both and they lived happily ever after!

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So, you've been hard to get hold of.

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I keep getting this message you're not available.

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I've been snowed under with my studies.

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Josh and I have been building this model of a greenhouse

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for environmental science.

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-You and Josh?

-We're study buddies.

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And his house is totally organic and sustainable.

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It helps global warming and world peace.

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You guys make a good team.

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Josh is totally focussed on his future.

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He's going to be an environmental lawyer.

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-Clever Josh.

-He is pretty clever.

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He's got a 25-year plan worked out for his future.

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He knows exactly where he's going to be at every point.

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-25 years?

-I'm working on my own 25-year plan.

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Right. I still have trouble knowing what I'm doing tomorrow.

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But you've given some thought to your future,

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-like what you're going to do when you leave school?

-Surf?

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Same old Lockie Leonard.

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'Vicki was disappointed. I should have said something like

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'brain surgeon or something,

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'but I don't think she would have believed me.

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'And besides, I'd told enough lies that day.'

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So I guess this is goodbye then?

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-Really? Goodbye?

-Haven't you got a bus to catch?

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Oh yeah. Yes.

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So...

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So...

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Goodbye, Lockie.

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Bye, Vicki.

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'It all felt very final.

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'Normally I'd get a "bye" or maybe "I'll see you".

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'But this was the full on formal version.

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'Goodbye.'

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BIRDS SQUAWK

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'Yep, today was one of those days

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'that just went from bad to worse.

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SQUAWKING

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Oh, no!

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Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's. Lockie's at Egg's.

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Phillip, where's Lockie?

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Lockie's gone to the city.

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PASSENGERS CHEER

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'So here I am, back where we started.

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'Somewhere between the city and Angelus and completely lost.

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SCREECH

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Absconding without parental permission.

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Lying.

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Conspiracy to induce others to lie on your behalf.

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Offences under the olfactory act.

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I'm sorry, Sarge. It won't happen again.

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Anything else to report?

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I just had one of those days that goes from bad to terrible.

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The thing is, Lockie, without a bad day

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how are you ever going to be able to measure a good one?

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You see life is mostly in the middle.

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Not too many highs, not too many lows.

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So you should be grateful you had such an unmitigatedly terrible day.

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It means a great day is just around the corner.

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Yeah, well I'm due a corker.

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What happened?

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Egg has a new friend and I think Vicki and I broke up.

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Ouch!

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The double header.

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-What did she say?

-Goodbye.

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It was the way she said it.

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That and the fact she's got her whole life planned out

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and I don't fit into any of it.

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-Her whole life mapped out, you say?

-25 years.

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See the thing about the future, Lock - you can't plan everything.

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It happens.

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It just happens.

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'The Sarge was right. The future was going to come along

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'whether I liked it or not.

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'Maybe Vicki and I were in that future together

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'and maybe we weren't.

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'But no 25-year plan, or worrying about it

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'was going to change anything.

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Thanks, Lock. Marjorie will be chuffed.

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What if I never make a friend like her again?

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I'm going to live for a long time.

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I could have a very lonely future ahead of me.

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There's no point worrying about the future, Phillip.

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The thing about the future...

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It happens.

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It just happens.

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I like it. Is it one of yours?

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It is now!

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Thanks, Lockie.

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And, Lock, you're the best brother on the planet.

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Mmm.

0:19:550:19:57

Mmm. Mmm.

0:19:570:20:00

It's disgusting. I can't believe you actually like it.

0:20:000:20:05

Oh! It tastes like heaven.

0:20:050:20:08

Heaven on earth.

0:20:080:20:10

I've got another surprise. I think you'll like it. Yeah.

0:20:110:20:15

Evolution by Langdon Smith.

0:20:180:20:21

"When you were a tadpole And I was a fish

0:20:220:20:26

"In the Paleozoic time

0:20:260:20:27

"And side by side On the ebbing tide

0:20:270:20:30

"We sprawled through the ooze and slime

0:20:300:20:33

"Or skittered with many a caudal flip

0:20:330:20:36

"through the Cambrian fen

0:20:360:20:38

"My heart was rife with the joy of life

0:20:380:20:43

"I loved you even then

0:20:430:20:44

"Mindless we lived Mindless we loved

0:20:450:20:49

"Mindless at last we died

0:20:490:20:51

"And deep in the rift of the Caradoc drift

0:20:510:20:53

"We slumbered side by side

0:20:530:20:56

"The world turned on In the lathe of time

0:20:560:20:59

"The hot lands heaved amain

0:20:590:21:02

"Till we caught our breath From the womb of death

0:21:020:21:04

"And crept into life again

0:21:040:21:07

"Our love is old Our lives are old

0:21:070:21:10

"And death shall come amain

0:21:100:21:12

"Should it come today What man may say

0:21:120:21:16

"We shall not live again?"

0:21:160:21:19

Such a wonderful poem.

0:21:210:21:23

Such beautiful words.

0:21:230:21:25

And despite everything, love, true friendship,

0:21:250:21:31

It will never die.

0:21:310:21:32

It will never die.

0:21:320:21:35

Yeah. It's a good one.

0:21:350:21:37

Oh, dear boy, come here. Oh!

0:21:380:21:43

Oh!

0:21:430:21:44

# Over the airwaves tonight

0:21:450:21:51

# Sailing by a love lonely light

0:21:510:21:57

# But isn't it blue? Or is it the sight of you...? #

0:21:570:22:02

'Several days later, after finally letting go,

0:22:020:22:05

'Marjorie rode her comet back to the stars.'

0:22:050:22:08

# Asleep in perfection

0:22:100:22:16

# Asleep in perfection... #

0:22:160:22:19

There it goes now, almost out of sight.

0:22:190:22:21

You get naming rights if you're the one to discover

0:22:220:22:25

a comet, asteroid thing you know?

0:22:250:22:26

Yes, Lockie. I get naming rights.

0:22:260:22:30

So what are you going to call it?

0:22:300:22:32

Well, it's a she for starters, so what do you reckon?

0:22:330:22:37

# ..Directed at you

0:22:390:22:42

# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #

0:22:450:22:50

Subtitles by Shaun Hadnett Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:580:23:01

E-mail [email protected]

0:23:010:23:04

Marjorie learns that her comet is in Angelus after all, and asks Phillip to help prepare for her farewell picnic. When Phillip cannot find a key menu item in Angelus, Lockie volunteers to sneak off to the city to find some, where he discovers Vicki's new life is not quite as he imagined.


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