Snake Hide Oil Lockie Leonard


Snake Hide Oil

Live action comedy series. Phillip has started wetting the bed again and Egg finds himself caught in a bizarre love triangle.


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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# There was just enough to get that far away

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# Ooh... #

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Black Hawk down, Black Hawk down.

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Lone Wolf Leonard trapped deep behind enemy lines.

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Mission critical.

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Phillip...

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-..what are you doing?

-Laundry?

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At this hour?

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Sheets...wet.

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But you haven't...

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for ages.

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Have. Did. Hide it. Excuse me.

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'It was rainy day season for Phillip.

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'Just when he thought he was cured for ever,

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'here he was, wetting the bed again.

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'In the week since Marjorie passed away,

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'he hadn't had a dry night.

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'Lucky for Phillip, Mum had bonded with the computer

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'and was too lost in cyberspace to notice.'

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Add...

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Can I haz...

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cheezblog?

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I think your mother's invented a new language.

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It's an internet thing.

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What, you understand this?

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I'm social networking.

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I'm meeting all kinds of new and interesting people

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and discovering a few old friends too.

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Well, there was one. I've plussed Neville.

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-What?

-Plussing. Adding your username to your friend's database.

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Neville Loman?

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Yeah, we hooked up a while back.

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Hooked up. OK, when two consenting persons...

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No, I get it. Thank you, Phillip.

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-Who's Neville?

-Oh, he's...

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He's my Vicki, if you know what I mean.

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You mean he's a strangely precocious 13-year-old girl?

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No.

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-I mean he was my first love.

-Your fist love?

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Does that mean he was your best?

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Now, there's a question.

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I'm off to work.

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-Don't forget your lunch.

-No.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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I'll get it.

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-Welcome to the Leonard residence.

-Shake the hand that shook the world.

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Thought you had a friend.

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I'm Phillip.

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-Yeah, course you are. Like your moves, P Dog.

-Who are you?

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Neville Loman...

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legendary showman...

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-and salesman extraordinaire.

-Come and meet my mum.

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Foxy.

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Neville!

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Oh...it's really you.

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You should have called or given us some warning.

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And wasted precious seconds? That was an arrow in flight, my love.

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Whoa! You must be Rocky.

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Lockie.

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Lock up your daughters.

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-You look like my dad.

-I could have been your dad.

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'Neville got Mum away from the computer,

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'but where to was another question. Judging by her clothes,

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'somewhere near 1989.'

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Oh, glad to meet you finally.

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Amazing we've never met before.

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Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch.

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Well, you make yourself at home.

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'Meanwhile, just as Phillip was struggling to live without Marjorie,

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'it seemed like somehow she'd come back.'

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-That's Marjorie's motorbike.

-Are you Phillip Leonard?

-Yeah.

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My name is Arnold Grabbit.

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From Grabbit, Take-it and Steal, lawyers,

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acting for one Marjorie Beaumont,

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from whose last will and testament

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I shall now read subsection 4, clause 1, as amended.

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"I, Marjorie Beaumont, bequeath my 2-wheeled motorised vehicle,

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"with sidecar, to Phillip Leonard in perpetuity,

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"not withstanding all considerations legal and otherwise,

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"including but not limited to fire, flood, larceny and cattle."

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The bike's yours, kid.

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Hup! Obey the road rules.

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'The fact that Phillip had half a decade to wait until

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'he could legally ride a motorbike didn't seem to bother Marjorie.

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'Didn't bother Phillip either. He loved the bike anyway.

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'But it sure bothered the sarge.'

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He's 12 years old. What's he going to do with a motorbike?

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Hopefully, not ride it.

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You are NOT to ride it.

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OK.

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But can I keep it?

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No. It's just going to sit there, like some sort of...

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temptation.

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But if I promise not to start it up?

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If he doesn't start it up, where's the harm?

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-Yeah, where's the harm?

-Neville, this is family business.

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Hey, hey. I know what you're thinking, but...I'm on your side.

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-You are?

-Yeah.

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We should have a party.

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Yeah! That's a great idea.

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- A big, wild, crazy party. - Take our minds off the hard times.

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You said it, brother.

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Hey.

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Hey.

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'Things had been weird with Egg and me.'

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-SHOUTING

-'Ever since he brushed me to hang out with his new friend, Curtis.'

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So what have you been up to?

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I've been hanging out...

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on my own, keeping out of trouble.

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Egg, fancy seeing you here.

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It's been ages.

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-Who invited you?

-Lockie.

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-Did I?

-Let's go inside, eh?

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-Yeah.

-Hey...

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wait for me.

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Er...save one for later.

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Although they're hardly about to go begging.

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Mr Squasher, I didn't know you were coming.

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Phillip invited me.

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Do you know much about this Loman character?

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Not personally. He's, um... and old friend of Joy's.

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The man is staying in your home.

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I'd have thought a full background check would have been in order.

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I can't believe you threw me a party. Very generous.

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-It was your idea.

-It's a great idea.

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So, er...rest of the crew on their way?

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No, er, I think this is everyone.

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Excellent. Intimate.

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Feeling it.

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How come you and Mum broke up?

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Phillip, that's a very personal question.

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I disappeared.

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Where to?

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I was arrested for a crime I didn't commit.

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MUSIC STOPS Jail?!

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NEVILLE: 'Solitary confinement. One meal a day.

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'Bread, piece of orange.

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'I decided to escape.

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'I decided to cut my way out.

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'All I had was the rind from a piece of orange.

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'Once I'd escaped the guards...'

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I swam the length of the river, made it to the bank, but right there,

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big crocodile.

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- What did you do? - Slipped past him underwater.

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That's when I discovered it.

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The oil.

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Scientists call it the eighth wonder of the world.

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- I'm a scientist. - P Dog, I know you are.

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I've got something for you that could be just

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the greatest scientific discovery...

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this century.

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Ladies and gentlemen...

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Snake Hide Oil.

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What is it?

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What is it?

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'Neville gave us the pitch, the whole song and dance.'

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# You don't wanna get old

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# You wanna stay young

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# Snake Hide Oil

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# Snake Hide Oil Snake Hide Oil

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# Look younger

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# Feel the joy

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# Of Snake Hide Oil

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# Snake Hide Oil

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# Snake Hide Oil Snake Hide Oil

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# Get some. #

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It's ratified in Geneva by a team of biochemists from...

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Norway.

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-Wow!

-And you people here tonight have the opportunity

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to get in on the ground floor. I'm not just talking about buying it. No.

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I'm talking about selling it. Have a look at this, P Dog.

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If you sign up to be a salesperson with Snake Hide Oil,

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you will make up to 2,000 dollars a month.

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2,000 dollars a month?!

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That's just the start. Throw a few hundred my way for royalties, then...

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we all make some money.

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Everyone here...

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'Nobody minded that Neville turned his "Welcome to Angelus" party

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'into a sales conference for Snake Oil.

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'They were all impressed.

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'Well, almost everyone.

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'Sarge suspected Neville might be some kind of...suspect.'

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There's no Neville Loman in the files.

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I bet he's there somewhere. Look again.

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Let's just leave it for now.

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'Phillip, meanwhile, was hooked.'

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Ladies and gentlemen, Snake Hide Oil unlocks the power of our stem cells,

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stimulates cell growth and regeneration,

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and all for just 49.95.

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-Hey, I'll take one.

-Me too!

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'Phillip had the sales thing down, but struggled in other areas.

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'He hadn't slept for days, so as not to wet the bed.'

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Phillip...

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I wish I was old enough to ride this bike.

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-You should get some sleep.

-I will, I will.

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Mmm, there he is, the champion salesman.

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Yeah.

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Neville, I don't understand. If... you get everybody selling Snake Oil,

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-aren't you creating competition for yourself?

-I'm a true believer.

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With enough people selling for you, you can make money without working.

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Yeah, well, it's possible.

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PHILLIP YAWNS Oh, yawning.

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Come on, a real champion never sleeps.

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Bring it. I must be a real champion, then.

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-Didn't you get ANY sleep?

-Nah.

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Why not?

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-He was up early, cleaning Marjorie's bike.

-Yeah, what he said.

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Hey, what say we go for a spin on that bike to the next town?

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Hit the highway, make some sales, you and me.

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- Really? - Absolutely. I promise.

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-I'm so glad to be out of that classroom.

-Yeah?

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Except I got detention, so I'm going back inside, I guess...all week.

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Hey...right.

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What are you doing?

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Um...don't know. Whatever.

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Have fun.

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'Egg was in another galaxy, stuck in enrichment class.'

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Hey! Wait up.

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'But he was trying to make his own way,

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'which meant trying to impress Curtis.'

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-What?

-I just remembered. I've got detention all week too.

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What for?

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Just a bunch of stuff.

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You know. Shall we go?

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You don't talk, you don't leave your desks, your heads down

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-and you write out your lines. Is that clear?

-Yes, sir.

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Stop scuffing your feet!

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The floor's just been polished and made new again.

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I'll be back shortly.

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HEAVENLY MUSIC

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Hey, fancy seeing you here, Egg.

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What are you doing here?

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-What are YOU doing here?

-We're on detention.

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You know her.

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Kind of.

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Wow.

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'Curtis always said wow when he saw a girl he liked.'

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Actually, I have detention, come to think of it.

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-Wow!

-No, you don't.

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Yes, I do.

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-I do.

-You don't even have a pen... or paper.

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-Thanks.

-Wow!

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At least somebody's a gentleman.

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'Out on the front line of sales, Mum wasn't doing so well.'

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-I think it's...

-'It's possible she lacked the killer instinct.'

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It's good...I think.

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I haven't tried it myself, but...

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Here, have some...for free.

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'Mum was out of her depth.

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'And she wasn't the only one.

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Ha!

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What?

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Check it out - she's ruling lines with a ruler.

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But that's what you do in detention - lines.

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Write out lines, like, "I must behave better in the classroom."

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-You write that out. Admit it, you've never had detention before.

-I have.

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-Yo, people!

-Don't tell me you have detention too.

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Chill, clock this.

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Snake Hide Oil. Scientifically proven to stop the ageing process.

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I've got what you want.

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- Let's make a deal... - Mr Salesman, we're not buying.

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Guaranteed to keep your skin younger, fresher...

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- smoother. - Didn't you hear what I said?

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-We're not interested.

-Actually? Younger skin? That sounds cool.

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How much younger do you want to look?

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I'll take one.

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Huh? I haven't even given you the full pitch yet.

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I'll take one...for my friend...

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..Sasha.

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I'm good.

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I'm really, really good.

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'Mum finally had to own up to it.

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'She wasn't going to make anybody rich.'

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Foxy.

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Hey.

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Are you going to buy into the business?

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-Or what?

-I'm not sure I'm the right kind of person.

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Course you are.

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I'm letting you in for almost nothing.

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For old times' sake, you can buy in for, say...

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10,000 cash.

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Neville...this isn't about money,

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it's about your feelings.

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Isn't it?

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Is there a difference?

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You know, once upon a time, I was a material girl.

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And you were a smooth operator.

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Yeah.

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Love was our battlefield and...

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and at the time it was all good.

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Right.

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But now it's like...

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..I can't get into the groove.

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Neville...

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..I'm not your lucky star.

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Foxy...

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whatever.

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Huh?

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-Are you going to give me that 10,000 cash, or not?

-No.

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'In detention, Sasha was trying to look unimpressed with Egg.

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'She was hoping this would somehow impress him.

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'But Egg was too busy breakdancing, trying to impress Curtis.

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'Curtis pretended to be impressed with Egg to somehow impress Sasha.

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'No-one in the bizarre love triangle noticed the pen Egg stood on

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'and crushed and spread ink all over the shiny new floor

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-'until...'

-Oh, no, the floor!

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'..it was way too late.'

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-Squash will kill us.

-Not me, I'm outta here.

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-What?!

-It's nothing to do with me.

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I wasn't meant to be here in the first place.

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What are we going to do?

0:17:320:17:34

'Turns out Snake Hide Oil had more than one use.

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'It doubled as a floor cleaner too.

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'Perhaps it WAS a floor cleaner.'

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Where are your lines?

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Australia's champion salesman ready for the road trip.

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What about a sandwich and a glass of milk?

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No, not hungry. Tell him we have to fire up Marjorie's bike.

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Where is he?

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He had to go somewhere.

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SIREN WAILS

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Going somewhere in a hurry?

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'It wasn't my fault.'

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I didn't mean to go fast. It was an accelerator malfunction.

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That's the worst excuse I've ever heard.

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You have very beautiful eyes.

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Are you talking to me or Senior Constable Snowden?

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Well, you're both very attractive.

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Hey, you've got Neville. Nice.

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-We have.

-You don't like him very much, do you?

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No, that's not true, he's a friend of your mother's.

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That's mostly why you don't like him. Are you jealous?

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Because he was first? I mean, he was Mum's boyfriend before you.

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No...I'm not jealous.

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-Are you sure?

-Not completely.

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Look, I like to think of myself as someone who gives people

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-the benefit of the doubt.

-Yeah, you do.

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It's just, with Neville, there's more doubt than benefit!

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Phillip was really looking forward to the bike ride with Neville.

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-I think they've made enough sales.

-It wasn't just about the sales...

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for Phillip.

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He misses Marjorie.

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You promised my son you'd take him for a motorbike ride.

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That meant more to him than you can imagine.

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Well...I was going to do that.

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No. You weren't.

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It's tough on people when you make promises and don't deliver.

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You're right. I'm all talk.

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I've never been able to stay in one place.

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I've got to get up and get out.

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Hit that long, lonesome highway.

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Will you do that, Neville?

0:20:230:20:25

There are your keys.

0:20:250:20:27

I respect you, Sarge.

0:20:310:20:34

You don't talk it up.

0:20:340:20:36

You've got a great wife.

0:20:360:20:37

Great kids.

0:20:370:20:39

I wish I were you.

0:20:420:20:44

Oh, you're the bomb.

0:20:450:20:47

Well, I appreciate your saying that, Neville.

0:20:470:20:50

-If there's anything I can do for you...

-Observe the speed limit.

-Ooh!

0:20:500:20:55

Oh, Neville, there is one thing.

0:20:560:20:59

Take off your clothes.

0:21:000:21:02

Well, the thing is, Phil Doggy Dog,

0:21:050:21:08

we won't be able to ride to the next town,

0:21:080:21:11

but- ho-ho!- we can sure go for a ride around this one.

0:21:110:21:16

Hey, I can tell it's you.

0:21:160:21:18

Sorry.

0:21:200:21:21

Don't be. I like you better.

0:21:210:21:24

But I'm...I'm not very good at talking it up.

0:21:240:21:27

-The money, the glamour...

-Exactly.

0:21:270:21:30

D'you want to go for a ride anyway?

0:21:330:21:36

'Sunset surfs are the best.

0:22:020:22:04

'If only Phillip could surf.

0:22:040:22:07

'It might wear him out enough to finally get some sleep.

0:22:070:22:10

'But then, maybe I needn't have worried.

0:22:120:22:17

'Thanks to Sarge, he found his own way back to dry, sunny days again.'

0:22:170:22:21

Subtitles by Red Bee Ltd

0:22:290:22:31

E-mail [email protected]

0:22:310:22:35

Missing Marjorie, Phillip has started wetting the bed again as Mum's first love cruises into town making quite an impression on the townsfolk - except Sarge. Meanwhile, Egg finds himself caught in a bizarre love triangle.


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