Pick a Winner Lockie Leonard

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# Worlds away from anyone

# They were burning themselves out in the sun

# There was just enough to get that far away

# Ooh... #

So, now that Vicki and I were the "It" couple of Angelus,

we were big news.

We were the talk of the town.

It seemed we couldn't do anything without making headlines.

Suddenly, everyone wanted to know everything about us.

And when people got bored with the truth, they started making stuff up.

Before we knew it, the lies were spreading out of control.

HE SCREAMS

And while we were hogging the front page...

Sorry, didn't see you.

Not your fault.

..Mum was struggling to get a couple of lines down the back.

"Reports that Mum has just washed her 5,017th pair of underpants,

"cleaned the toilet 2,282 times and hasn't had a holiday in 5,110 days."

SHE SIGHS

BABY GURGLES

Sorry, Mum, didn't see you.

I need a new sports uniform, Mum.

My lunchbox is cracked too, by the way,

and I need a note exempting me from the English excursion.

Socks are letting me down, Joy. I've got three pairs

giving the old big toe a little bit more liberty than they need.

What was that?

BABY GURGLES

We can't have that going on, can we? Since you've got the needle out,

could you have a look at that? Thanks.

And then there's the shed for the chooks.

The chooks?

Passive solar extensive use of earth friendly materials.

Fish guts travel down from the kitchen window here,

eggs released into there. You can collect them

-without entering the enclosure.

-Huh.

And if I just add water it will spring up by itself.

It is very advanced, but you're right, it won't build itself.

That's where you'll need to get involved.

A list for the hardware store.

-I'll just leave the offending socks on the ironing board, Mum.

-Joy!

Sorry?

Strictly speaking, I'm not actually your mum, so...

you can call me Joy or Mrs Leonard, if you prefer.

But let's, for the first time in 5,110 days,

give Mum a rest, shall we?

DISTANT BANGING

Yes, I hear you! I'm coming, all right!

MUTTERS UNDER BREATH

Freeze, Leonard.

What are you doing, Sarge?

I think you... need a personal development day.

It's about 5,110 days overdue, if you ask me.

-Goodness, it doesn't have to be today.

-Ssh, no baby to take care of.

Hmm. No, no, no.

No oven to clean. No, no. Give me the apron.

Hand me the apron and step back.

Apron.

BABY CRIES

Now step back.

It's not Mum today. No, no, no, it's Joy.

MUFFLED KIDS SHOUTING

-All right, give us some room.

-Is it true you're a snot gobbler?

Of course it's not true!

My cousin saw and said it was some serious goo munching.

-I do not eat snot.

-Not even Lockie's?

-That's disgusting.

So you think Lockie's disgusting?

-Are you going to break up?

-It's over!

-I knew it wouldn't last.

ALL: Lockie's dumped, Lockie's dumped!

Just leave her alone!

CHATTERING STOPS

You know, the fastest way to get rid of the question is to do the quiz.

The quiz?

The Planet Girl Magazine compatibility quiz.

All the significant Angelus High couples have taken it.

It shows whether you're gold, silver, bronze...

or aluminium foil.

How does it do that, you ask?

Let's face it, most friendships start with a bit of a hunch.

You like the uniform...

You get the drift.

But the quiz takes away your uniform.

It strips you bare.

It'll tell us if, as a couple, you'll go the distance.

You and Vicki answer these multiple-choice questions

and then we tally up the results.

If you score well enough, it'll show you're really solid

and the rumours will stop. That's what you want, isn't it?

All right, we'll do the quiz.

GASPS FROM THE CROWD

We will?

One for you and one for you.

Comparing answers will result in immediate disqualification.

We give up.

BABY GURGLES

Well, well, well, what a happy turn of events.

She's not... She's not staying here, right?

No, couldn't keep her here if I tried.

-We'll be out on the beat in a flash.

-But...

Policing is no place for a...

Baby?

-Mm-hmm.

-Fear not! She's been around the block more than once.

Haven't you, Constable Blob?

BABY GURGLES

Unlike Blob, Mum didn't have a constable hat.

When Sarge took away Mum's apron, he sort of took away her uniform.

So she raided her wardrobe for a new one...

but nothing seemed the right fit.

And without a uniform, Mum felt totally exposed

as if she were walking around naked.

Out! No arguments, Pamela.

Mrs Leonard!

This here is Lockie's Mum.

Fancy a game, Joy?

Three against one?

How long since you did something for yourself, Joy?

Name three things you bought in the last month just for you.

Well...

What's the last nice thing your family organised

to make your life better?

Renovations.

Sauna? Spa!

My youngest, Philip, has designed me a chicken enclosure.

The eggs will be a tremendous benefit to me.

THEY BURST OUT LAUGHING

Well, thanks for the game,

but I have a few supplies... I need to pick up...

for the renovations.

SHE SIGHS

The only nails that are getting any attention today are these.

Mum was trapped. Without her uniform she wasn't sure who she was anymore.

It's your time now. It's Joy time.

So when Vicki's mum offered her a new uniform to try on...

Here, have this.

I have plenty.

..She was tempted.

You're walking along the street

and you see 100 fall out of someone's pocket.

By the time you pick it up, the person has gone.

Is it in notes or coins?

Do you, a) take it to the police,

b) put your foot over it and stay there till everyone has gone home,

or, c) pick it up and run like crazy?

I'm just not sure why that's a question.

What's the sequence? Fish finger, basketball...

Um, Sasha, this compatibility quiz, I'm not totally sure I get it.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

-It's not like you'll ever need to answer one.

-Why not?

Hello! Look at you! How you present yourself.

Actually, with a milligram of style, you could do something with yourself.

-I could?

-But you don't have it so... What can you do?

He SO doesn't have it.

Constable Blob didn't have any problems

slipping back into her old uniform.

She was having a fine old time.

Four o'clock. Male suspect, dark hair, gym shoes.

Sorry, you're going to have to translate your vision there.

That is a jaywalker waiting to happen.

-Lowest of the low.

-Ga-ga.

All right, there's no need for the vitriol, Constable Blob.

Not unless a crime actually is committed.

If it ever actually is.

Go on, help the good citizen there, Snowy. Go, go.

Hey, you! Hands in the air!

-Hang on, Constable Wattle. His foot was on the line.

-No way!

I believe it was and I also believe in a case like this,

-it's best to err on the side of caution.

-Ga-ga-ga.

-What's that?

-Ga-ga-ga.

No, I do not need glasses. His foot was clearly on the line.

She's the one in the pouch, Sarge. Best vantage point to make the call.

-So, you're sure?

-Ga.

BLOB VOMITS

Ahem... You're nicked.

# We've got to find a way

# To live together in harmony

# What a picture... #

Hello, Mum.

Joy?

Hello, boys.

I'm sure you'll be very comfortable.

Erm... Um...

This is a bit embarrassing.

I'm sure there's a good explanation

for why your home isn't quite...ready yet.

What's, erm...

What's happened to your nails, love?

Do you like them?

CRACKLING

Yeah...

-They look, uh, they look a little...

-Weird. Dangerous.

Come inside. There's cake.

It was about to get weirder.

Mum had served up a cake we could actually eat.

-Did you cook this?

-On your own?

No, I bought it.

Mum doesn't buy cakes. She bakes them.

And they're hard and rubbery and full of love.

So, tomorrow, some of the girls are getting together again

and I thought that...

Oh, it doesn't matter.

It...it...it...it's nothing.

I was just going to see about having another one tomorrow. Another PDD.

Personal Development Day.

-Oh.

-Oh.

Oh.

No, I think that's a terrific idea, Joy.

-In principle, I'm in full support.

-But?

No big buts. It's just...

-..I'm a bit worried about Blob's attitude down at the station.

-Oh?

She's quite gung-ho.

Oh.

Well, it really doesn't matter.

No, I'm sure it was just nerves. We'll be fine.

You get on the phone and let those ladies know

you're going to be part of their plans.

What about the chook shed?

That's just going to have to go on the back seat for a little while.

Would you rather... a) run down the street in your underpants?

b) sit in a cactus?

or c) kiss a baboon?

How about d) go for a surf, instead?

Whoa!

Look out, Lockie,

they're traumatised enough as it is.

I know, it's hardly five star, is it?

Seriously, Lockie.

Who was that woman and what has she done with my mum?

I'm sure I could do this better if I just had a quick surf.

I needed a serious break.

There was only one place guaranteed not to care who I really was.

Only one place where it didn't matter about every itch I scratch.

Hey.

How did you go with the quiz?

Good. You?

Yeah, good.

-Struggling a bit with what breed of dog I am.

-Mmm.

-Me, too.

-See how alike we are?

Peas in a pod.

'And we were the same -

'we were both lying our backsides off.

'Neither of us had done more than the first three questions.'

-Hey.

-Hi, Egg.

-Hi.

Egg, after school, you're getting a makeover.

-This afternoon?

-Clean socks, no product in your hair.

'Apparently, that was important when you're about to renovate someone.'

Leonard!

Yes, Mr Squasher?

Perhaps you'd care to share your insights with the class.

'This was so not a note I was actually planning to give to Vicki.'

Come on, now.

I'm sure they'll all be fascinated(!)

What's it going to be, Leonard? Will you read it out or shall I?

'For a second, I thought about eating it.

'It had started out as a note for her...'

"Sometimes, I think you're as playful as

"a Pomeranian."

LAUGHTER

'..but then it, kind of, turned into a doodle.'

"But when your hair is wet,

"I think you're more like a poodle."

LAUGHTER

'Should have eaten it.'

-CLUCKING

-I do try.

Back at home, Mum was having a great time with her girls.

-Too true.

-Hello!

The other mums were here for a "pedi".

Vicki told me that's short for something you do

to make your toenails less ugly.

I've hear of free-range chickens,

but this is taking things a bit far, isn't it?

Off with those sandals, Joy. It's time to complete the makeover.

Mum decided her new uniform didn't fit too well, after all,

and she preferred her old one.

I'm sorry.

I don't think this is really me.

THUNDER RUMBLES

Ah!

Hello, Mum.

You've built the chook shed.

A-ha-ha!

The girls and I have had a riot.

So, Mum was back in her old uniform, but, meanwhile,

Sasha was determined to change Egg's.

Don't make me come in there, Egg.

All right.

Oh, stop! Ow! Sasha, they won't come off!

Egg's boots. They wouldn't come off,

because Egg had been wearing his uniform for so long,

it was like his second skin.

I don't think Geoffrey's home yet. He shouldn't be too long.

PHONE RINGS

Excuse me.

Egg's new uniform was so good, no-one even recognised him.

Mum and Sarge decided it was time Blob hung up her hat for a while.

Blob?

Play day today.

But not without busting Constable Wattle

as being a bit of a softie beneath her badge.

Good-oh(!)

This thing's killing my back, anyway.

'Which just leaves Vicki and me.'

The poodle thing.

It was meant in the nicest possible way.

It was a doodle.

Yeah, I could see that.

Like, a poodle doodle.

'OK, I never said I was a genius,

'but even I could see something weird was going on.'

Vick, it's not about the poodle, is it?

I don't know the answer. I don't know if I'm a pumpkin

or a turnip or...

'I'm not sure how but we jumped from animal to vegetable.'

If I say pumpkin and was meant to say turnip,

then the quiz is going to say that we're not compatible.

It's just... What if it says I'm not a pumpkin or a turnip?

What if it says that I'm actually a Fruit Loop and that

I say weird things and sometimes do weird things,

like messed-up things, you know?

I know it sounds completely stupid,

but that stuff's not really for everyone to know.

It's just... it's just for you to know.

Vick, I don't care what the stupid quiz says.

You don't care?

Then why did you suggest we do the stupid quiz in the first place?

Because I thought it would make everyone go away for five minutes,

just so things could go back to being just the two of us.

-So, you think the same as I do?

-You know what else?

Right now, I think I like you more than surfing.

Don't be ridiculous, Lockie Leonard.

'But I, kind of, did.'

You're the only pumpkin, turnip or Fruit Loop I want to hang out with.

-Do you know how crazy that sounds?

-Completely fruity.

Totally.

Here, give me the quiz.

'I finally had some homework I didn't mind doing.

'I'm not going to string it out, like a bad game show.

'No 25 commercial breaks before you get the results.'

Wrong. Wrong.

Oh, dear.

This is not looking good.

'So, here's the scoop.

'I ticked opposite box there was.

'If I ticked black for me, for Vicki I ticked white.

'And it worked - people lost interest...

'..not that it took them long to find something new to talk about.'

# I wanna make a good connection

# Between you and me

# Like to see you around in the usual places... #

'Yep, we were yesterday's news...

'..and I don't think we could have been happier about it.'

# Gonna make a deep connection Gonna sit myself down

# Gonna make a deep connection Write you a love letter... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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