Pick a Winner Lockie Leonard


Pick a Winner

Live action comedy series. Lockie and Vicki complete a revealing quiz, but what is meant to prove that they're compatible seems to have the opposite effect.


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Transcript


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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# Worlds away from anyone

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# They were burning themselves out in the sun

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# There was just enough to get that far away

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# Ooh... #

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So, now that Vicki and I were the "It" couple of Angelus,

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we were big news.

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We were the talk of the town.

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It seemed we couldn't do anything without making headlines.

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Suddenly, everyone wanted to know everything about us.

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And when people got bored with the truth, they started making stuff up.

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Before we knew it, the lies were spreading out of control.

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HE SCREAMS

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And while we were hogging the front page...

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Sorry, didn't see you.

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Not your fault.

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..Mum was struggling to get a couple of lines down the back.

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"Reports that Mum has just washed her 5,017th pair of underpants,

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"cleaned the toilet 2,282 times and hasn't had a holiday in 5,110 days."

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SHE SIGHS

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BABY GURGLES

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Sorry, Mum, didn't see you.

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I need a new sports uniform, Mum.

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My lunchbox is cracked too, by the way,

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and I need a note exempting me from the English excursion.

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Socks are letting me down, Joy. I've got three pairs

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giving the old big toe a little bit more liberty than they need.

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What was that?

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BABY GURGLES

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We can't have that going on, can we? Since you've got the needle out,

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could you have a look at that? Thanks.

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And then there's the shed for the chooks.

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The chooks?

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Passive solar extensive use of earth friendly materials.

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Fish guts travel down from the kitchen window here,

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eggs released into there. You can collect them

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-without entering the enclosure.

-Huh.

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And if I just add water it will spring up by itself.

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It is very advanced, but you're right, it won't build itself.

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That's where you'll need to get involved.

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A list for the hardware store.

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-I'll just leave the offending socks on the ironing board, Mum.

-Joy!

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Sorry?

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Strictly speaking, I'm not actually your mum, so...

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you can call me Joy or Mrs Leonard, if you prefer.

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But let's, for the first time in 5,110 days,

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give Mum a rest, shall we?

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DISTANT BANGING

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Yes, I hear you! I'm coming, all right!

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MUTTERS UNDER BREATH

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Freeze, Leonard.

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What are you doing, Sarge?

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I think you... need a personal development day.

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It's about 5,110 days overdue, if you ask me.

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-Goodness, it doesn't have to be today.

-Ssh, no baby to take care of.

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Hmm. No, no, no.

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No oven to clean. No, no. Give me the apron.

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Hand me the apron and step back.

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Apron.

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BABY CRIES

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Now step back.

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It's not Mum today. No, no, no, it's Joy.

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MUFFLED KIDS SHOUTING

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-All right, give us some room.

-Is it true you're a snot gobbler?

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Of course it's not true!

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My cousin saw and said it was some serious goo munching.

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-I do not eat snot.

-Not even Lockie's?

-That's disgusting.

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So you think Lockie's disgusting?

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-Are you going to break up?

-It's over!

-I knew it wouldn't last.

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ALL: Lockie's dumped, Lockie's dumped!

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Just leave her alone!

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CHATTERING STOPS

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You know, the fastest way to get rid of the question is to do the quiz.

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The quiz?

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The Planet Girl Magazine compatibility quiz.

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All the significant Angelus High couples have taken it.

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It shows whether you're gold, silver, bronze...

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or aluminium foil.

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How does it do that, you ask?

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Let's face it, most friendships start with a bit of a hunch.

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You like the uniform...

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You get the drift.

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But the quiz takes away your uniform.

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It strips you bare.

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It'll tell us if, as a couple, you'll go the distance.

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You and Vicki answer these multiple-choice questions

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and then we tally up the results.

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If you score well enough, it'll show you're really solid

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and the rumours will stop. That's what you want, isn't it?

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All right, we'll do the quiz.

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GASPS FROM THE CROWD

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We will?

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One for you and one for you.

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Comparing answers will result in immediate disqualification.

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We give up.

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BABY GURGLES

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Well, well, well, what a happy turn of events.

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She's not... She's not staying here, right?

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No, couldn't keep her here if I tried.

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-We'll be out on the beat in a flash.

-But...

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Policing is no place for a...

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Baby?

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-Mm-hmm.

-Fear not! She's been around the block more than once.

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Haven't you, Constable Blob?

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BABY GURGLES

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Unlike Blob, Mum didn't have a constable hat.

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When Sarge took away Mum's apron, he sort of took away her uniform.

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So she raided her wardrobe for a new one...

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but nothing seemed the right fit.

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And without a uniform, Mum felt totally exposed

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as if she were walking around naked.

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Out! No arguments, Pamela.

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Mrs Leonard!

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This here is Lockie's Mum.

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Fancy a game, Joy?

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Three against one?

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How long since you did something for yourself, Joy?

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Name three things you bought in the last month just for you.

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Well...

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What's the last nice thing your family organised

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to make your life better?

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Renovations.

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Sauna? Spa!

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My youngest, Philip, has designed me a chicken enclosure.

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The eggs will be a tremendous benefit to me.

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THEY BURST OUT LAUGHING

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Well, thanks for the game,

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but I have a few supplies... I need to pick up...

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for the renovations.

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SHE SIGHS

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The only nails that are getting any attention today are these.

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Mum was trapped. Without her uniform she wasn't sure who she was anymore.

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It's your time now. It's Joy time.

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So when Vicki's mum offered her a new uniform to try on...

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Here, have this.

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I have plenty.

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..She was tempted.

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You're walking along the street

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and you see 100 fall out of someone's pocket.

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By the time you pick it up, the person has gone.

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Is it in notes or coins?

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Do you, a) take it to the police,

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b) put your foot over it and stay there till everyone has gone home,

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or, c) pick it up and run like crazy?

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I'm just not sure why that's a question.

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What's the sequence? Fish finger, basketball...

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Um, Sasha, this compatibility quiz, I'm not totally sure I get it.

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I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

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-It's not like you'll ever need to answer one.

-Why not?

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Hello! Look at you! How you present yourself.

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Actually, with a milligram of style, you could do something with yourself.

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-I could?

-But you don't have it so... What can you do?

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He SO doesn't have it.

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Constable Blob didn't have any problems

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slipping back into her old uniform.

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She was having a fine old time.

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Four o'clock. Male suspect, dark hair, gym shoes.

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Sorry, you're going to have to translate your vision there.

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That is a jaywalker waiting to happen.

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-Lowest of the low.

-Ga-ga.

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All right, there's no need for the vitriol, Constable Blob.

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Not unless a crime actually is committed.

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If it ever actually is.

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Go on, help the good citizen there, Snowy. Go, go.

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Hey, you! Hands in the air!

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-Hang on, Constable Wattle. His foot was on the line.

-No way!

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I believe it was and I also believe in a case like this,

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-it's best to err on the side of caution.

-Ga-ga-ga.

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-What's that?

-Ga-ga-ga.

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No, I do not need glasses. His foot was clearly on the line.

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She's the one in the pouch, Sarge. Best vantage point to make the call.

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-So, you're sure?

-Ga.

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BLOB VOMITS

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Ahem... You're nicked.

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# We've got to find a way

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# To live together in harmony

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# What a picture... #

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Hello, Mum.

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Joy?

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Hello, boys.

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I'm sure you'll be very comfortable.

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Erm... Um...

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This is a bit embarrassing.

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I'm sure there's a good explanation

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for why your home isn't quite...ready yet.

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What's, erm...

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What's happened to your nails, love?

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Do you like them?

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CRACKLING

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Yeah...

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-They look, uh, they look a little...

-Weird. Dangerous.

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Come inside. There's cake.

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It was about to get weirder.

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Mum had served up a cake we could actually eat.

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-Did you cook this?

-On your own?

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No, I bought it.

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Mum doesn't buy cakes. She bakes them.

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And they're hard and rubbery and full of love.

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So, tomorrow, some of the girls are getting together again

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and I thought that...

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Oh, it doesn't matter.

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It...it...it...it's nothing.

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I was just going to see about having another one tomorrow. Another PDD.

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Personal Development Day.

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-Oh.

-Oh.

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Oh.

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No, I think that's a terrific idea, Joy.

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-In principle, I'm in full support.

-But?

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No big buts. It's just...

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-..I'm a bit worried about Blob's attitude down at the station.

-Oh?

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She's quite gung-ho.

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Oh.

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Well, it really doesn't matter.

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No, I'm sure it was just nerves. We'll be fine.

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You get on the phone and let those ladies know

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you're going to be part of their plans.

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What about the chook shed?

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That's just going to have to go on the back seat for a little while.

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Would you rather... a) run down the street in your underpants?

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b) sit in a cactus?

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or c) kiss a baboon?

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How about d) go for a surf, instead?

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Whoa!

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Look out, Lockie,

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they're traumatised enough as it is.

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I know, it's hardly five star, is it?

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Seriously, Lockie.

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Who was that woman and what has she done with my mum?

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I'm sure I could do this better if I just had a quick surf.

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I needed a serious break.

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There was only one place guaranteed not to care who I really was.

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Only one place where it didn't matter about every itch I scratch.

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Hey.

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How did you go with the quiz?

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Good. You?

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Yeah, good.

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-Struggling a bit with what breed of dog I am.

-Mmm.

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-Me, too.

-See how alike we are?

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Peas in a pod.

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'And we were the same -

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'we were both lying our backsides off.

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'Neither of us had done more than the first three questions.'

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-Hey.

-Hi, Egg.

-Hi.

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Egg, after school, you're getting a makeover.

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-This afternoon?

-Clean socks, no product in your hair.

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'Apparently, that was important when you're about to renovate someone.'

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Leonard!

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Yes, Mr Squasher?

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Perhaps you'd care to share your insights with the class.

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'This was so not a note I was actually planning to give to Vicki.'

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Come on, now.

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I'm sure they'll all be fascinated(!)

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What's it going to be, Leonard? Will you read it out or shall I?

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'For a second, I thought about eating it.

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'It had started out as a note for her...'

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"Sometimes, I think you're as playful as

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"a Pomeranian."

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LAUGHTER

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'..but then it, kind of, turned into a doodle.'

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"But when your hair is wet,

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"I think you're more like a poodle."

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LAUGHTER

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'Should have eaten it.'

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-CLUCKING

-I do try.

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Back at home, Mum was having a great time with her girls.

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-Too true.

-Hello!

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The other mums were here for a "pedi".

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Vicki told me that's short for something you do

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to make your toenails less ugly.

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I've hear of free-range chickens,

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but this is taking things a bit far, isn't it?

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Off with those sandals, Joy. It's time to complete the makeover.

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Mum decided her new uniform didn't fit too well, after all,

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and she preferred her old one.

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I'm sorry.

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I don't think this is really me.

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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Ah!

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Hello, Mum.

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You've built the chook shed.

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A-ha-ha!

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The girls and I have had a riot.

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So, Mum was back in her old uniform, but, meanwhile,

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Sasha was determined to change Egg's.

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Don't make me come in there, Egg.

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All right.

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Oh, stop! Ow! Sasha, they won't come off!

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Egg's boots. They wouldn't come off,

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because Egg had been wearing his uniform for so long,

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it was like his second skin.

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I don't think Geoffrey's home yet. He shouldn't be too long.

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PHONE RINGS

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Excuse me.

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Egg's new uniform was so good, no-one even recognised him.

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Mum and Sarge decided it was time Blob hung up her hat for a while.

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Blob?

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Play day today.

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But not without busting Constable Wattle

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as being a bit of a softie beneath her badge.

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Good-oh(!)

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This thing's killing my back, anyway.

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'Which just leaves Vicki and me.'

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The poodle thing.

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It was meant in the nicest possible way.

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It was a doodle.

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Yeah, I could see that.

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Like, a poodle doodle.

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'OK, I never said I was a genius,

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'but even I could see something weird was going on.'

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Vick, it's not about the poodle, is it?

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I don't know the answer. I don't know if I'm a pumpkin

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or a turnip or...

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'I'm not sure how but we jumped from animal to vegetable.'

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If I say pumpkin and was meant to say turnip,

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then the quiz is going to say that we're not compatible.

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It's just... What if it says I'm not a pumpkin or a turnip?

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What if it says that I'm actually a Fruit Loop and that

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I say weird things and sometimes do weird things,

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like messed-up things, you know?

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I know it sounds completely stupid,

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but that stuff's not really for everyone to know.

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It's just... it's just for you to know.

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Vick, I don't care what the stupid quiz says.

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You don't care?

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Then why did you suggest we do the stupid quiz in the first place?

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Because I thought it would make everyone go away for five minutes,

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just so things could go back to being just the two of us.

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-So, you think the same as I do?

-You know what else?

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Right now, I think I like you more than surfing.

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Don't be ridiculous, Lockie Leonard.

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'But I, kind of, did.'

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You're the only pumpkin, turnip or Fruit Loop I want to hang out with.

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-Do you know how crazy that sounds?

-Completely fruity.

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Totally.

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Here, give me the quiz.

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'I finally had some homework I didn't mind doing.

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'I'm not going to string it out, like a bad game show.

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'No 25 commercial breaks before you get the results.'

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Wrong. Wrong.

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Oh, dear.

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This is not looking good.

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'So, here's the scoop.

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'I ticked opposite box there was.

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'If I ticked black for me, for Vicki I ticked white.

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'And it worked - people lost interest...

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'..not that it took them long to find something new to talk about.'

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# I wanna make a good connection

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# Between you and me

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# Like to see you around in the usual places... #

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'Yep, we were yesterday's news...

0:21:420:21:43

'..and I don't think we could have been happier about it.'

0:21:450:21:48

# Gonna make a deep connection Gonna sit myself down

0:21:480:21:53

# Gonna make a deep connection Write you a love letter... #

0:21:530:21:57

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:22:050:22:08

E-mail [email protected]

0:22:080:22:11

To silence school yard gossip, Lockie agrees that he and Vicki will complete a revealing quiz. But what is meant to prove that they're compatible seems to have the opposite effect. Mum is granted a personal development day and makes a slightly disturbing transformation, while Sasha insists it's time Egg was transformed and inflicts on him a traumatic make-over.


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