Don't Cook Now M.I. High

-Nice shirt.

-Oh, thanks. Frank picked it out for me.

Frank, I'm at the restaurant. Eyeball on Carrie and Oscar.

So, how's it going, their secret date?

-Excuse me. We are not on a date.

-Can you two concentrate on the mission?

Sorry. Can you see your objectives?

I can see Tommy Blumenheck. Mum would be so jealous.

What about the head of MI9 and the chief of Liverpool banks?

They're about to generate a new security code.

Right, so, we identify ourselves.

It's ready to generate a new security code

for all the bank accounts in Liverpool.

In that case, keep an eye out for anyone who could be a SKUL agent.

I'll scan for surveillance devices.

Code complete in ten seconds, nine,

eight...

Hello?

INTERFERENCE BUZZES

Communications are down.

Someone's got to be trying to intercept that code.

How? There weren't any surveillance devices.

Code complete in three, two,

one. New code generated and transferred.

It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

Maybe it was just a comms blip

or maybe there aren't any SKUL agents in here.

Another very tasty visit to Tommy's, Flopsy.

Access to every bank account in Liverpool.

HE CACKLES

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old school spies have had their day

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent.

Hidden in a place no villain will think to look,

welcome to MI High.

Yesterday was a simple mission.

Tommy Blumenheck, a celebrity chef, has a restaurant

that attracts footballers, actors and, yes, spies.

The same spies who had top secrets stolen by SKUL.

SKUL are spying on Blumenheck's customers.

All you had to do was catch them in the act.

Did you even look for bugging devices?

So THAT'S what we should have done(!)

That code has given SKUL access to every bank account in Liverpool.

I've half a mind to send you to apologise.

At least we agree on something.

That you have half a mind.

Mum, we're sorry.

-We've never failed a mission before.

-We'll find out who did this.

That won't be necessary.

From now on, I'm handing the entire mission over to Chief Agent Stark.

But, Mum...

That will be all, Agent Gupta.

You are dismissed.

Wait.

I know you want the chance to put things right,

but please, don't do anything stupid.

What, like investigate Blumenheck behind Stark's back?

What's the use?! Just promise me you'll be careful.

Yo! Scary cook dude, one of everything, please.

Or just some brown slop.

What's it meant to be anyway?

-Roast chicken?!

-Meat. Typical.

When will we get a veggie option?

Forget that. When are we going to get a food option?!

You do know there are laws against this kind of thing.

Ugh!

Sorry.

So, any news on Blumenheck?

The man's like a brand. He's got his name on everything.

From chopping boards to skateboards,

to toilet roll.

So why would he be spying on customers?

All I know is that Tommy was asked to cook at 10 Downing Street.

A week later,

SKUL knew the exact location of the Prime Minister's secret airbase.

Coincidence?

So, what we need is an excuse to search Tommy's kitchen.

Yeah, right. We'd never be able to get in there.

Rotten vegetables!

I could SO get this kitchen shut down.

Unless...

So? What do you think?

Mmm.

Slow-cooked in garlic and butter. I think it might be my best dish yet.

-Don't you mean MY best dish yet?

-Um, yes. Yes, of course.

Where have you been?

I, young Brie, have just been talking to one of those customers

who was complaining.

-About the food?

-Ooh, it's a bit too oniony.

What do they expect in onion soup? A herd of African elephants?!

Eleanor, why are they ignoring me?

Well, you can get a bit noisy, chef, so we installed soundproof glass.

SOUND OBSCURED BY GLASS

..complete and utter...

You wouldn't know an eggs Benedict...

I am an egg and my name is Benedict!

They can still see you.

I knew that.

Tommy Blumenheck? Environmental Health.

We've had complaints that your restaurant is a health hazard.

-Health hazard?!

-Complaints?!

This is a warrant allowing us to search the premises.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

ALL: Stop the slop! Stop the slop! Stop the slop!

Avril, what on earth?!

We, the pupils, hereby complain about the school dinners.

They are A, unhealthy, B, unbalanced, C...

Totally minging, man!

Seriously, someone's yakked up on a plate.

I think you get the picture.

-I didn't realise they were that bad.

-Cos you bring a packed lunch.

But I'm sure there's nothing wrong with Mrs Nolan's cooking.

This soundproof glass cuts out sound waves.

-Maybe radio waves too.

-Affecting the spypod?

When I distract Tommy, you do another scan for devices in here.

He's spying on his customers somehow.

Amazing, huh? One minute, he's running a burger van,

the next, he's got a Munchelin star restaurant.

He must be a great chef.

Between you and me, he's rubbish. I do most of the cooking round here.

Aren't you a waitress?

Yeah. That's what he tells everybody.

Yesterday, he was on about how he made over a million pounds in one go.

It's not fair.

Hang on, Tommy made over a million pounds yesterday?

So...found anything yet?

No? Oh, I didn't think so.

Ooh! That is disgusting.

What? Who? When? That? Oh, that's Brie's fault. She's in charge of...

-whatever it is.

-Do you realise how dangerous that is?

Well, maybe if you threw it at someone really hard.

No bugs?!

You're kidding me.

I'm talking about the bacteria.

That, Mr Blumenheck, is a killer potato.

-Really?

-Step away from the potato, sir.

Step away from the potato.

And if we get one more complaint, don't worry, we will be back.

-Seriously, did you find anything?

-No.

Today, a rotting potato. Tomorrow, a dead customer.

It's your choice, Blumenheck.

Mrs Nolan, the thing is,

the children are all interested to see how our...

delicious school meals are so lovingly put together.

This, what looks like stew, for example,

talk us through the ingredients.

Cabbage.

Cabbage. Right, very healthy.

Cabbage and...what else?

-Cabbage.

-Right so that's cabbage, cabbage and...?

-Cabbage.

So that's lots of cabbage, but what else?

Cabbage.

More cabbage.

But apart from cabbage, you'd add maybe a touch of...?

Cabbage!

-Salt, maybe?

-Cabbage!

-Pepper?

-Cabbage!

-Right, so it's pretty much...

-Cabbage.

Did you know she was THIS useless?

ALL: Stop the slop! Stop the slop! Stop the slop!

-Actually, I think we'd better go.

-Good idea.

ALL: Stop the slop!

That waitress, Brie, said that Tommy came into a load of money yesterday.

Liverpool bank accounts, perhaps.

I'll do a security check on his sous chef, Elmer.

He gave me evils when I saw that freaky ketchup bottle.

Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you'd been taken off the mission.

We're just... charging our communicators.

Anyway, you were saying about catching SKUL red-handed.

Right.

So my plan, I've organised a second bank code transfer,

this time between yourself, ma'am, and the head of the Bank of England.

No, no, no. That's far too dangerous.

I know you meet once a year

to generate a new security code using these units.

Couldn't they write it on paper?

These may look like simple codes,

but behind every digit, there are a million subcodes.

The code would give SKUL access to every bank account in the country.

With respect, ma'am, SKUL wouldn't risk stealing another code

unless the prize was big.

With slightly less respect,

this plan had better work.

This time, it'll be me at the restaurant undercover

and not some school kids.

Oh, you'd think, Flopsy, that with all the money in Liverpool,

I'd be happy,

but I want more, more, more!

Ahem!

Number four, I forgot you were coming.

What did you want?

Sir, I have news from the restaurant,

another booking from the head of MI9.

-Another code exchange.

-Today at 6pm. Only this time,

-it's with the head of the Bank of England.

-You mean...

I could steal all the money in Britain?

-Exactly.

-Flopsy,

I think we're going to need a bigger bath.

This is our fault. If we hadn't failed the mission,

-we wouldn't be putting the country at risk.

-Rose, focus!

There's four hours before Stark goes undercover.

OK, so Tommy's hiding something.

Ketchup bottles don't just light up.

If I could just take a look at it...

What? With Tommy hanging around?

ALL: Stop the slop! Stop the slop!

What if Tommy wasn't there?

What if Tommy was here at St Hope's?

ALL: Stop the slop! Stop the slop!

Two hours!

Two hours, they've had us trapped in here!

Wait a minute...

They've stopped. Why have they stopped?

ALL: Blumenheck!

The man, the myth, the legend.

Sir, what is he doing here?

Who cares?

I have eaten all your books...

All the recipes IN your books.

Yes, well, you have, but your dinner lady obviously hasn't.

'Dear Mr Blumenheck, our school dinners are so bad

'that we'd love you to come to St Hope's to design a new menu.

-'Signed, an anonymous pupil.'

-Here I am,

-the greatest chef in the universe.

-Will you design a vegetarian option?

Vege... What?

For people who don't eat meat.

Who doesn't eat meat? I know plants that don't eat meat

-which is probably why they don't get up and walk about.

-I don't eat meat!

I bet I could make school dinners better than both of you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah! And yeah!

Well, come and have a go, then.

Oh, this is all very exciting.

Why don't we have a competition, a cook-off between Mrs Nolan,

Mr Blumenheck and Avril.

And the winner can design the new school menu.

This is going to be marvellous.

Sorry, BLUMEN marvellous.

Rose, talk to me.

I'm in.

Chef, we don't have time.

The head of MI9's booked in the restaurant in an hour.

Give me ten minutes and I'll be done with these idiots.

Hello? Ooh, sorry.

Hello, everyone. Now, it's my pleasure

to introduce two giants of the culinary world.

Tommy Blumenheck...

All right. All right.

And Mrs Nolan.

Ahem!

Oh, yes. Of course, and Avril Franklin.

Now, chefs, you have precisely one hour to deliver a dish

deserving of the new school menu.

So in three, two, one,

get cooking.

You might want to turn that up a bit. It will cook better.

Yes, I do know how to cook a... whatever it is. Thank you(!)

He's set it on fire.

Guys, it's me.

I don't know how this didn't get picked up on the bug scan,

but it looks like some sort of listening device.

So, Avril, what are you going to be cooking for us today?

I can tell you what I'm NOT cooking - meat!

Murderer!

Thank you, Avril.

And Mr Blu...

Mr Blumenheck, what gastronomic delight are you preparing for us?

Well, I'm cooking what I can only describe as...

pasta thing.

Pasta thing?

Yes. It's Italian! Passatoria thinga!

Don't tell me you haven't heard of it.

Uh...no.

Brie, I might need some help here.

Brie? Where is she?

That guy Elm's gone too. He must have gone back to the restaurant.

Rose, maybe you should get out of there, quick.

I'm going to stay and check out this place. I'll be about two minutes.

Environmental control, is it?

-Or how about MI9?

-Guys, I'm in trouble.

Hello? Can you hear me?

I doubt it.

-Signal jammer.

-In the jam?

Uh, it's a jammer!

So that's why the bug scan didn't work.

I knew you and Blumenheck were behind all this.

That idiotic third-rate burger chef, Tommy?

He had nothing to do with it.

Lock the door.

I thought I told you to be careful.

But the most important thing right now is Rose.

You still can't get hold of her?

We've only just charged our communicators. It can't be that.

There's more bad news - Stark's brought forward the code transfer.

The head of MI9 will be at Tommy's any minute now.

If it isn't your boss.

The man from the Bank of England.

-Eh? They're half an hour early.

-Then the sooner we get our money.

Excuse me! Young waitress girl!

Guten tag. My name is Edgar Von Struppelhousen,

I have a reservation for 5:30 precisely.

Von Struppelhousen?

Jawohl. I am not from zis country.

Yeah, or planet.

Danke schon.

That's it, I can't contact the head of MI9 either.

You two, go to the restaurant,

I'll arrest Blumenheck the minute the cook-off's over. Now go!

Identity authorisation in three, two, one...

All we do now is wait for it to generate a new random code.

How do you intercept the code?

The signal between the coders must be tiny.

Gadgets. Lots and lots and lots of gadgets.

Bingo.

No bugs?!

I mean, zer are no bugs... in mein soup!

In my country you would see a fly or un cockeroachen...

Mmmm.

And now, to send this to my real boss.

Sir, it's me. I'm sending you the first code...

Now.

Good work, number four.

Soon I will have my hands on all the money in Britain!

Not if we can help it!

Hey, you two!

SOUND OBSCURED BY GLASS

..stop transferring the code!

SOUND OBSCURED BY GLASS

Looks like you're sausage meat, pal.

This new coder takes a while to generate the next digit.

It's a very safe system.

Second digit through.

'Excellent.'

Excellent.

All right there, Mr Blumenheck...

You do seem to have your hand stuck up a chicken.

-What?

-Chicken.

-What, this?

-Mmm.

ALL: EUGH!

No, no, no.

It's not stuck, it's an old Cantonese way of serving chicken.

Chicken on the hand, they call it.

Come on, come on.

Come on, chefs. Only one minute to go now.

Time is ticking.

We need to deactivate that antenna, I'll cover you.

-Really want to whisk it?

-And put a stop to your evil flans?

Just two more transfers, Flopsy.

And then Britain's entire wealth will be ours!

Oh! Only 30 seconds left till crunch time, folks.

Ah, my eyes!

Why are you doing this? Taking everyone's money?

Before I started here, Tommy was a nobody. He was a rubbish cook.

I was the one that taught him to cook like this. Me!

-And he took all the glory?

-And money? While treating you like dirt?

Is it any wonder I went to SKUL. They gave me all these gadgets,

Elmer to help me. Fat lot of good he is!

And also you could teach Tommy a lesson?

Exactly. Now I'm going to teach you one too.

-Revenge.

-A dish best served cold.

-Can you deactivate it?

-I don't know, it's complicated.

There's only one number to go.

Oh, and ten seconds left.

Nine, eight,

seven, six,

five, four...

I'd move away from there if I was you.

Oscar!

Five, four...

Carrie, help Oscar so I can stop the last code.

Hey, Elmer!

And final code received.

Brie's gadgets have intercepted the code,

but I'll stop it getting to the Grand Master.

Read this, Grand Master.

Where is this stupid digit?

What? Void?

But that means someone's...

Noooooo!

One and stop the clock!

THEY CHEER

Please, do not be alarmed.

In my country it is customary

to check everybody's food before ve eat.

Ah, where are the stupid bugs?!

Um, you mean these stupid bugs?

Rose, what are you doing here?

The SKUL agents we've been looking for -

the ones Stark said he'd catch red-handed.

Oh, ah! Now, just...sorry!

Chief! Please, help me!

Please, help!

So, can I have your votes firstly for Avril and her vegetable curry.

Well done, Avril.

Secondly, for Mrs Nolan and, um...

..cabbage meat stuff.

And lastly, Tommy Blumenheck's pasta thing.

Served with chicken on the hand.

PLATE CLATTERS ON FLOOR

Which means that the winning dish and designer of the new school menu

is Avril and her vegetable curry!

We are sorry for the inconvenience,

but as far as we knew, you were working with Elmer and Brie.

Brie did say you made a million pounds yesterday.

-We thought you'd stolen it.

-In a way I did. I signed a book deal.

Tommy Blumenheck. Can't Cook? Then You're An Idiot.

All Brie's recipes, I take it?

Yes.

I am the idiot.

What about the mission we failed?

Everyone in Liverpool lost their money.

Ah, Brie's given us a code to a SKUL bank account she uses.

So everyone gets their money back.

It's how you handle failure that's important.

You three handled it brilliantly.

But what about Tommy?

Do we tell the world he can't cook?

Mm, I've got an even worse punishment.

To make Avril's vegetable curry, you will need potatoes, check.

Lentils, check. Carrots, check.

You know, it doesn't actually say anything about cabbage.

-Cabbage!

-In fact, at the bottom she says, "Especially no cabbage."

CABBAGE!

Absolutely, definitely, under no circumstances whatsoever

should this recipe include...OK, maybe we'll put in one cabbage.

-CABBAGE!

-Or maybe two cabbages.

-CABBAGE!

-Or three!

CABBAGE!

-Ahh!

-Cabbage.

Cabbage, cabbage, CABBAGE!

Cabbage.

Cabbage.