Day of the Jacket M.I. High

All right, Doctor?

Something's not right....

Can't think on an empty stomach.

We're not supposed to leave without clearance.

Not even for chocolate? Definitely not.

Oh, yes, high alert, horribly secret.

I remember. Oh, well, I won't be a minute.

All right, but you definitely mustn't take...

..the prototype.

Why do you make such a big deal out of this game?

'Chess is for intelligent people.'

Might explain why I just took your knight.

'Missing the point. The knight may be important, but sometimes'

the knight has to be captured so that the queen,

'who's even more important, can take position.

'Checkmate.'

The 21st century faces a new kind of threat.

Old-school spies have had their day,

and MI9 must create a new breed of skilled undercover agent...

..hidden in a place no villain will think to look.

Welcome to MI High.

Morning, Siobhan.

Chilli-eating competition. Anybody interested?

The farmers in Goa are really suffering now!

The ingredients are all fair trade, all vegetarian, and it's fun!

You know how into fun I am.

Are you serious?

I mean, chilli, what, in this?

You're the one wearing a dead animal.

Listen, I've got my rep to respect, all right?

Besides, when you see these threads, you know the dog's in the house!

Or outside in the shade, where it's cooler.

Morning, Joe.

Mr Flatley?

Yes, Mrs King...?

A chilli-eating competition in this weather? So hot!

It's so hot!

I know, but Avril assures me it's for a good cause.

And besides, Scoop...

I mean Timothy will insist on wearing that furry thing.

Which, may I remind you, is not part of school uniform.

And whilst we're on the subject...

But it's the hottest day on record!

Hardly the point!

If you won't dress properly, how can we expect the students to?

Oh, really, no wonder discipline is even more lax

around here than usual. The result?

Do you know how many of these I've found lying round the corridor?

Mrs King, may I remind you that we have not one but three

new students arriving today, so if you'll excuse me...

Oh! Well, here's hoping they don't get sucked into the slack ways

of everyone else around here. Ohhh!

I need a challenge.

We haven't had a competition in ages.

You don't think saving the world is a challenge any more?

While we're on the subject...

BUZZING

Hey! Sorry.

Have you been having trouble with the magnet

Frank's put into the spypods?

I came out of the canteen covered in spoons yesterday.

Agents, we're on red alert.

An enemy spy named Ivan Awfulcold

has discovered the location of our HQ.

This is Awfulcold, former Olympic athlete

for the Republic of Groszvenia, computer scientist and assassin.

Two nights ago, he managed to get into MI9 main headquarters

and tried to steal some of our most important top-secret data files.

Luckily, he tripped an alarm, causing those files to automatically

be transferred here before he could access them.

However, before leaving MI9 HQ, he used his hacking skills to

find out about the transfer

and to discover the location of our base here at St Hope's.

We should transfer the files elsewhere before he makes his move.

Sadly, there's been a technical foul-up, something to do with Chief

Agent Stark, a keyboard and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

Pretty sure we'll see this guy sneaking around.

Except you won't.

The camoguise jacket. Camoguise?

As in disguise or camouflage?

As in both.

This is its creator, Dr Carla Baxter,

MI9 research and development.

The camoguise is made of fibre optics

and a system of holographic projection cameras and mirrors.

Er, John, could you come here a sec?

Thank you.

Thus I have a visual record of my colleague here.

Now, all I have to do is fasten this button - imperative, this, because

this completes the circuit - and...

No way! I can look like anyone, as long as

their image has been programmed to the jacket's mainframe first.

As you can hear, we're also trialling new voice modulators

so I can sound like them, too.

It's the ultimate disguise.

As the young people say, awesome!

Amazing. When do we get some of those?

You don't. The doctor's the only one who knows how to reproduce them,

and yesterday, outside our research

and development building, she popped out to buy some chocolate.

Strictly against regulations, but she's what you might

affectionately call an eccentric genius.

Guess who was waiting for her.

Awfulcold. And she's got the camoguise with her!

So there's a spy trying to get in

who can look like anyone he wants, say a schoolkid.

Your job, agents, is to find Awfulcold before he finds us.

Well, I must say, you all look very smart.

My last school was really strict about uniform. And mine also.

North of England - strict!

And mine.

Oi... Have you seen them before? New kids.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Mm-hm. One of them must be Awfulcold.

Ah!

Just the people I need! Er, Thomas, Harriet, Ricki, I'd like

you to meet Oscar, Rose and Carrie, three of our School Stars.

Well, Rose is.

Anyway, our new friends have just transferred in from out of the area,

so, er, I thought perhaps you could show them around before assembly.

You're a school star?

Seriously? Well, I... Not for long!

The computer room.

Still using these old things, Hicksville?

Er, down there's the canteen. Aye?

Nourishing power food?

Useful for playing sports?

Not really.

But if you're up for a competition AND food, there's always this.

Not a real competition, by 'eck.

I'd still win, mind.

Where is t'gym? I don't know anyone called...

Oh! The gym? Aye.

I wish to see gym.

'Appen. Right...

So, where did you transfer from?

You don't know?

Not really worth talking about.

So, erm, what are you into?

Computers? Music? Football?

Oscar? I was wondering if you could help me give a few of these... Hello!

Who's this?

Thomas. He's from somewhere not worth talking about.

Yeah!

I really know what you mean.

You're obviously really deep.

You know what? Thomas can help me with these.

Oh, and I'll show him round the rest of the school.

I have a feeling we've got a lot in common. See you in assembly.

Awesome.

Third rate! An all-time low!

When you're not dropping these all over the place,

you're dressing like cave people.

Thank you, Mrs King, for those, erm, inspiring words.

I haven't finished.

Yes, it's just that it's very hot.

Sorry we're late.

Ah! Look at our new students.

Wonderfully turned out,

proud to be a part of our school, no fur coats and no high fashion.

Moi?

That's the answer.

Uniform! Tomorrow, everyone is to come

in full school uniform with blazers and ties.

No exceptions. NOOO!

How did we get on? Ricki's really rude.

Anyone would think I'd never even heard of a computer.

Don't look at me like that!

She's an enemy agent - I'm not supposed to like her.

Yeah, well, she might not be.

Remember Awfulcold was an Olympic athlete?

Harriet's obsessed with physical fitness.

Unlike someone else we could mention(!) At least she talks.

I've hardly got anything out of Thomas.

And then, well, let's just say he was kidnapped.

Not jealous, are we? No!

The point is, which one of them is Awfulcold?

The entrance fee goes to the Goan farmers.

They've had it really hard since the Peruvian llama disease.

I'm supposed to pay to eat that? My own vegetarian recipe!

Looks like it could stop me playing Saturday. Or maybe forever.

Sir? Hm? You show him.

Ah. Well, erm..

For my worthwhile cause?

Yes. Of course, Avril.

Mm! Actually rather...

Excuse me!

Agh!

All working normally.

Sorry, Oscar, I can't find anything wrong with this magnetic function.

It is just possible I may have made it a bit strong.

What are you doing?

Something's not right.

It's a textbook kidnap.

That's the problem - no struggle.

She just walked straight over to him.

She must have been tricked. Yeah...

Something's bothering me.

Rose, what's "hyper-cocoa intolerant" mean?

Can't eat chocolate. Why?

It says here the doctor has it.

Developed after a full week of bingeing on Fruit Nut in 1992.

That's going to be really useful(!) It might.

It's not our job to rescue Dr Baxter.

Stark's already got a team on that.

Already a day's gone past and we still haven't found Awfulcold.

Nobody look at me. I'm hideous!

You're appropriate for school.

Appropriate for...?

No! Oh, you shouldn't have said that, Mrs King.

Er...

That's better.

Where's your blazer, young man?

Er...

Dog ate it?

Storeroom, now.

Miss! Oh, come on, please!

Aahhhh!

Everything OK?

Someone's been tampering with this. He's getting closer.

Can I help you?

Wondering what you were working on. Curious, aren't we? Like a spy?

Do you enjoy sneaking around? No.

Then if there's nothing else...?

You're good. The best. Think you can beat me?

At pull-ups? No, it wouldn't be fair.

Are you scared, little gir... lass? By 'eck.

No. Just that I've got trophies for this kind of thing.

Bwark-bwark-bwark! I laugh at thy trophies, me.

OK. Let's go.

Uh-uh. Keep blazer on.

Go for t'burn.

Fine. On three.

One, two, three.

Mr London gets a bit miffed when

he finds people messing with his cupboard.

It's Ricki.

It's Harriet. It's Thomas.

Oh, good, we're all in agreement(!) He was hanging round the entrance.

And he hardly says anything! If I was a Groszvenian adult

imitating a British schoolkid, I'd keep quiet as well.

Harriet beat me at pull-ups.

Doesn't exactly make her an enemy agent, Carrie.

OK, but you've got to admit, that's the weirdest northern accent ever.

It's like Emmerdale In Space or something.

Ricki hacked into the school database.

She has computer skills almost as good as mine.

By "almost as good as",

don't you mean "better than", Miss Academic Star?

No, I don't, actually, Miss Came Second At Pull-Ups. OK, let's focus.

The point is we're not much further forward.

We know it has to be one of them. How do we find out which?

The buttons make the camoguise work, right?

Well, we've got to try and make those three undo them,

take their blazers off.

I mean, it's really hot.

There must be a way.

How about Avril's chilli-eating contest?

Still spying, Hicksville?

I wasn't spying, I was just making sure you weren't signing up

for the chilli-eating competition, that's all. Why, have you entered?

It's not really my kind of thing.

I thought you were probably the same.

And you're right, we should stick to what we're good at.

You think I'm a nerd, like you? Well... Cos, actually, I'm not.

Good at computers and sciences and all that, yeah, but

there's other stuff I'm good at, too.

What, like sudoku? Yeah. No.

Well, yes.

But also tough stuff,

like...eating chilli.

Oh, man, this is just wrong.

It's all your fault, you weirdo.

If it weren't for you, I'd still be in my threads, bro!

Come on, Scoop, leave him alone.

Look at me!

Take no notice. I'll live.

If you want to avoid that kind of hassle in the future, you've

got to prove yourself to that lot.

You know what they respect?

A winner.

..198, 199... OK, I give in.

..200!

You are t'loser. Again.

All right...

I beat you at everything, lass.

Everything?

Seriously?

What I wouldn't give to put on a pair of shorts.

There's no way I'm losing again.

What are we going to do if Awfulcold takes off his blazer in here?

He won't. Well, when he gets too hot,

he'll run for it so he can cool off in private.

One of them leaves, one of us follows.

She's mine.

Here you are, one for you.

This looks lovely, Avril.

Thermal imaging up and running.

Excellent. Who's got the hottest body temperature?

Erm, Mr Flatley. And Carrie.

Oh, good, we need her to stay the course.

Oscar, ready?

Just starting.

Let's get ready to stomach-rumble!

Frank, they're getting hotter.

One for you...

How are they doing?

Well, Carrie, Thomas and Harriet are all really hot.

But Ricki, it's like the chilli's had no effect at all.

She must have been trained to withstand this kind of thing.

I'm worried about Carrie.

Maybe we should pull her out. Just a few seconds more.

Excuse me.

I'm on it.

Too hot!

Surrender!

I'm out, too.

I'll stick with Ricki.

Well, er, it looks like we have a winner!

Well done, Ricki.

I'm on Harriet. Oscar, where are you?

I've lost him.

Oscar!

'Oscar? Are you OK?'

I'm fine.

Just seeing stars.

OK.

Dead end.

I knew it was you.

Knew what were me, eh, lass?

Don't need the accent or the blazer any more, Ivan.

Much cooler.

So, you think you can defeat me now, little girl?

I beat you in there.

I'll beat you in here.

Let us dance.

'Frank, got him.' Sorry, who?

Awfulcold.

Locked in the loo.

I don't think so, Oscar.

Argh!

'Oscar, Carrie's fighting Awfulcold.

'Let Thomas go and get over to her.'

Nighty-night.

Got him.

'Oscar, target captured.'

Locking the new kid in the bog?

Awesome(!)

As the young people say, awesome!

She popped out to buy some chocolate.

Sometimes the knight has to be captured so that the queen,

who's even more important, can take position.

The only thing is,

what was Awfulcold going to do once he'd got in?

I think we'd notice Harriet sitting at your computer

accessing the secret files.

Doesn't matter, does it? He's been caught.

We, erm, going into our base?

Erm, yeah!

Ah! Well done, agents.

We've even had an e-mail

of congratulations from Chief Agent Stark.

"I suppose you did your best"?

Wow, Stark must have been really impressed.

I wonder how he's getting along rescuing Dr Baxter.

Er, Oscar, what are you doing?

Accessing Agent Stark's files to find out.

Awesome.

When do I ever say "Awesome"?

Erm, what's going on?

He's an impostor.

I think you'll find that's you.

Er, Frank, any suggestions?

How about you leave this to me?

Dr Baxter, I presume. I was sure that kidnap had been staged.

And when I let Thomas - sorry, you - out of the toilet,

I remembered your chocolate allergy.

Why would you break the rules to go out and buy chocolate bars

unless, of course, you knew you were going to be captured?

It was always my undoing.

I love...

Chocolate. Doesn't everyone?

No, but I love chocolate like you love breathing.

Curse my allergy!

And then the Groszvenians invented a cure for my condition.

Well, that explains the wrappers.

Someone was pigging out, weren't they?

After eighteen years with no chocolate,

what choice did I have?

Er, Doctor?

Awesome...

You really like that stuff!

So?

So you're highly intelligent, rude and a bit eccentric? Yeah.

S'pose I am, really.

Still, I'm true to myself.

What you see is what you get, yeah?

Hm...

Rose?

I actually quite like her now.

Look at them!

All so smart, so...

Oh! The same.

Rules - I love 'em.

No.

I've had enough.

School uniform policy is back to normal.

And tomorrow is a special "wear anything you want" day.

ALL CHEER

As for me,

I shall be wearing shorts. Oh!

Thank you!

Thank you so much!

Hm!

I just don't see it.

Sorry. Oh, come off it.

Harriet was an incredibly competitive fitness freak.

She was just like you.

Today would be good, Oscar. Seriously!

Except she wasn't Harriet, was she? She was Awfulcold.

He was just like you, then.

Yeah, well, that means Ricki's just like you, then.

Right(!) Er, a techno whizz.

And you reckon I'm competitive? You just can't stand the fact that Ricki

might be the new school star

and that Oscar here could beat you at chess. Rubbish!

And anyway, she's got no chance once I've done some extra reading.

And as for winning at chess, no way!

I think you're both ignoring the fact

that most similar to any of you was Thomas -

brooding master of disguise,

unless absolutely necessary never uses more than two words.

Checkmate. What?

THUNDER

Morning...

LAUGHTER

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