Return of The Jack Matilda and the Ramsay Bunch

-Hi, I'm Matilda!

-ALL:

-I'm Matilda!

-I'm Matilda!

-I'm Matilda!

Cooking is what I love best.

-Oh!

-She cooks, she scores.

-Hi, I'm Matilda.

-Goodbye, Jack.

I'm in charge of the kitchen in this house.

No, no, Tilly!

SCREAMING

Get out of my kitchen!

This is a story of me, my crazy summer...

Aah!

I'm on the red carpet and I'm about to meet the star of the movie.

..and my even crazier family.

-ALL:

-What?

-Tilly rules, OK?

Mum, please take him away!

HORN BLOWS

We're in LA having a great action-packed summer,

but we've been a Ramsay short, so today is a big day.

Jack's back.

He's been away on a water polo tour and we've all been missing him

like mad, so we're going to make his first day back really special.

I'm making him a super homely slap-up lunch, then we're taking him

to play his favourite sport - with a twist.

So the big question is...

-Can't wait for Jack to come home.

-I know, so exciting.

-Are you making the coffee?

-Of course.

-I don't like coffee.

That's probably just as well,

because you have the energy levels of Daddy

and I don't need you any more energetic. What are you making?

A lasagne for Jack, courgette fries and ice-cream sandwich.

-I hope you're doing Jack-style portions.

-Yes. See you.

The two things Jack's crazy about are sport and food.

When he gets here, he'll want some proper home cooking.

Comfort food and plenty of it. He's got a big appetite.

This is one of his favourites. My meaty loaded lasagne -

perfect for hungry sports players.

-Are you good?

-Good, thanks, you?

-Yes. Right, what are you making?

-Meaty loaded lasagne for Jack.

-Nice.

So I've got ground pork and ground beef.

Put a little bit in there first,

-see if it's hot enough, otherwise you'll boil the meat.

-It's very hot.

-You're right, it is hot.

-Ready?

-Go.

You can do that for me if you like, and then I can start on these.

Whilst Dad fries the mince,

I'm prepping some healthy courgettes and carrots to add to my meat sauce.

I always like to grate on a plate. That way you lift the plate over.

I'm doing it on the board today. Less cleaning up.

In my teenage years,

-do you know what our dishwasher was?

-Your hands?

-Me, baby.

-Nan told me you never cleaned up.

She said she always had to do it.

GORDON COUGHS

-You crying?

-No, just sending a smoke signal to Nanny.

-I've got a great way of chopping garlic.

-Do you now?

Take a fork, and you don't get it on your fingers.

When you go to the cinema with your friend, boyfriend,

you don't smell of garlic.

-Nicely coloured. Onions in.

-Uh-oh, Dad's trying to take over again.

And a nice touch of fresh pepper. What about a little bit of paprika?

-A little bit of cayenne.

-Fresh thyme.

-A touch more pepper.

-No, thank you.

-More cooking, touch more cooking.

-No!

A chilli flake in there will just lift that up.

Do you need any more help?

-I'm good, thank you.

-No. Are you sure?

-I'm sure.

-I need to add in my tomatoes.

-OK, OK, OK.

Can you use mustard in the white sauce, please?

Dad's always trying to interfere with my cooking,

but this is for Jack, so I'm sticking to my way.

And now time for my secret ingredient.

Maple syrup. This gives it a sort of sweet and smoky flavour.

Add about two tablespoons.

Leave this to bubble away to get extra tasty and delicious

for 30 to 40 minutes.

Meanwhile, I'll do some tidying up.

This is smelling delicious. Time to start building it.

Cheeses for the top, pasta sheets,

white sauce on the bottom so the pasta doesn't stick.

The white sauce is made out of butter, milk,

cheese and creme fraiche.

Then add the other ingredients in layers.

This is the fun part of lasagne - building it.

Pasta sheets, then meat. I'm making this extra meaty for Jack.

Keep going with your layers until you get to the top of the dish.

This is actually a lot of fun. Last layer of pasta.

Finish off with white sauce

topped with grated cheddar and Parmesan cheese.

Parmesan is a really Italian cheese and it smells really good.

It's not like one of those very stinky cheeses.

They don't smell good.

Now this is ready for the oven until all the cheese is melted

and it's nice and gooey. Hope Jack enjoys it.

MUSIC PLAYS

It's so exciting that Jack is coming home.

MUSIC PLAYS

-Salt shaker.

-Everyone's gone a bit giddy.

MUSIC PLAYS

My lasagne is ready, and interfering Dad's back.

-I'm going to put some parsley on the top.

-No, don't do that.

-Jack likes it.

-No.

-This is my recipe.

-No.

-My food.

No, it's hot! Careful, I'm going close to a hot pan! Stop!

-What are you doing?! Get out of my kitchen!

-OK.

Oh, you're so annoying.

Whatever Dad says, it's going to look great on my blog.

The tour lasted for two weeks.

Great fun for the first week, but getting into the second week,

I was really starting to miss my family.

I cannot wait to get home. I'm absolutely starving.

Because he's so into sport,

Jack is crazy about healthy food, so my green fries hit the mark.

Delicious, crispy and with a healthy twist.

And they're actually courgettes. So it's really simple.

We're just chopping them up. Then we're left with these.

You can chop them up loads of different ways.

You can chop it in half this way. This...

Oh, not quite like that.

You do have to be very careful with sharp knives.

All of those are chopped and I'm going to whisk up my egg.

Next, my crunchy coating.

I'm adding Parmesan into ground almonds

and it's going to taste really delicious.

Grab a bunch, into my egg, into the almonds and Parmesan.

Make sure they're all coated. Onto my tray.

This is one of my messy recipes. I love getting messy.

-Oh!

-What's that?

-Nothing.

Normally fries are deep-fried, but I'm going to put these ones

in the oven so they're going to be healthier.

Just give my hands a quick wash.

Into a hot oven for 15 to 20 minutes

until they're really nice and crispy.

-That smells good.

-Not him again.

-They just need a little paprika over the top.

-May I?

-No!

-Surely you like the green lights.

-OK, we can share this one.

I want there to be enough for Jack.

-Oh, nice and crunchy.

-Oi!

-OK. Can I have one more, please?

-No.

-OK, OK.

-Shoo-y, shoo-y.

Can I be in the picture?

Hands away. Thank you. You were...

-Just the breadcrumbs.

-No!

-The breadcrumbs.

-Later, at lunch.

-OK, OK.

Jack will be here any minute and our friends Byrom and Emma

have joined us to welcome him.

Eww, she's going to lick me!

KNOCKS AT DOOR

-Hello.

-Guys, I bet that's Jack.

They don't even remember me.

-Jack!

-Yay!

-I'll bring your bag in for you.

-I got you a present. It's my laundry.

-It smells and it's wet.

-Has that been washed at all?

-No, Mum, not at all.

-Oh!

-Jack's home!

-Hey, Dad.

-Welcome home.

-Thank you. Guess what, Dad?

-Go on.

-I'm starving.

-You're starving hungry?

-Right, guys, come on. Lunchtime.

-Let's go.

-Let's see if Jack missed my cooking.

-Come on, guys.

-Lasagne is my favourite.

-I know, that's why I made it for you.

-This looks so nice.

-Jack, welcome home.

-To Jack.

The wanderer's returned.

Now, we've got beef and pork in here, right?

And, everyone, a secret ingredient. Let's see who can guess it first.

-Zucchini.

-No.

-Is it cheese, like ricotta?

-No.

-I know.

-It's an actual ingredient.

-Maple syrup.

-You can taste that?

-Yeah.

Why would you put maple syrup in a lasagne?

-It makes it smoky but sweet at the same time.

-Very tasty.

-Delicious.

I couldn't have asked for a better welcome-home meal.

-I had so much fast food when I was on the tours.

-Jack Ramsay!

But I just absolutely craved the home cooking.

-So you did miss my food?

-Tills, I would love another slice.

We're heading off to play canoe water polo, but before we go,

I'm making ice-cream sandwiches for the winners.

These are no ordinary sandwiches.

Instead of bread, I'm using croissants.

In here I have milk, eggs, ground cinnamon, vanilla extract and sugar.

Start by dunking croissant halves into the eggy mixture.

I'm making sure it's all coated.

Next, melt butter in a pan and fry both sides of the croissants.

This recipe is a bit like eggy bread. I love eggy bread.

Now these look ready. Nice and crispy.

Onto my cinnamon and sugar.

I'm going to get all of these toasted but I'm not going to

put the ice cream in until we get there as it'll melt.

But I am going to try one.

This is what you call chef's perks.

Well, one more mouthful just to be double sure.

I've got to take a picture for my blog.

That is going to make people want to win.

Time to find out.

We're off to the big sports pool.

Kayak or canoe polo officially began in the UK nearly 50 years ago.

It's a wet and wild combo of basketball, canoeing,

and Jack's favourite, water polo.

But if you've got the ball,

you've got to get rid of it before you get dunked.

That's the experts.

Now meet the newest, coolest kayak polo team on the block.

Emma, Byrom, Jack, of course, me, Holly and Megan.

-Hello. You guys ready to do some kayak polo?

-Yes.

-All right.

-First, we get kitted out in all the gear.

-This is your spray skirt.

-They're very fashionable.

-But how on earth do you get them on?

Sometimes you've just got to suck it up.

I always knew Jack had a big head.

Kit sorted - now for the serious stuff.

If you capsize, bang on your boat.

Someone can come and just grab the boat and kind of pull yourself over.

And the other thing is that if someone has the ball in their hands,

I can push him over.

Scared or what? Let's hope we don't capsize.

Ow!

On my team, I've got Emma and Byrom.

My team consists of Holly and Megan.

Go Team Tilly!

Oh, no, do I get extra points for being the first one to capsize?

Tilly, don't.

These boats are made for agility so they're really narrow,

which makes them pretty tippy.

You can say that again.

Oh, man down.

Got another one down.

Oh, man down again.

We're getting the people that are upside down.

He's obviously comfortable under there.

That is so annoying.

We've already had three people upside down.

They're all laughing and giggling

so I think everything is going pretty good.

Next, practising with the ball and top coaching tips.

Try to do it one-handed.

What you want to do is you want to look the person in the eye

right before you throw it to them.

Let's get a match going.

We're ready for a match. Or most of us, anyway.

The other girls have dipped out. Dipped out, get it?

It's lethal out there.

The coach and the local team are going to join in with our match.

-Holly's in charge of commentating.

-Is everybody ready?

Team Tilly!

-Well played.

-On your right, your right, your right.

Team Jack are first to the ball.

But then give it away.

Now it's a fight to the ball between Ramsay and Ramsay.

Dodgem tactics from Tilly, but Jack's got the ball.

But he's lost it and capsized.

Jack has capsized again.

Team Tilly are on the ball.

Captain Tilly showing great skills in the water.

Great pass. Tilly takes the shot. Good save.

The captain's having another wobble. He's down again.

Best player ever underwater.

Byrom takes the ball for Team Tilly.

Great pass to Tilly,

and she scores!

I scored a goal!

Tilly's late goal means her team are the victors.

But Jack showed some promise.

If we could just keep you above water, you're going to be a star.

At least you won the capsize count, Jack.

I think everybody deserves one of my ice-cream sandwiches.

-These are delicious.

-They're also very runny.

That is the California sun for you, guys.

What a day.

I'm exhausted but I'd never miss my foodie heart-to-heart

with Dad.

How nice is that, for Jack to come home to comfort food?

I know you didn't like the parsley on the top.

You liked it and that's what counts. Really good.

And these are the fries.

You know, when I was growing up, courgettes, I couldn't stand.

It was just all watery and tasteless but you made them really good.

And then lastly, ice-cream sandwiches.

-Ice-cream sandwich, lovely.

-Thank you.

Breaking news. I heard they're developing a new three-man kayak

because I want to be gooseberry

in case you have a friend that wants to go kayaking with you.

I can sit and steer or I can make an amazing lunch.

Tilly, what do you think?

A three-man kayak. You, your boyfriend and me.

Well, not boyfriend, but as a boy who's a friend at school.

Jack, are you glad to be back home?

FOOTSTEPS

Jack?

Just one more slice of lasagne.

Get out of that fridge. Bed, everyone.

-ALL:

-Goodnight.