Bogey Brothers Me and My Monsters

# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I am going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# Pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends

# To share my life with

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# My and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

'Did you ever wonder what it would like to be someone different?

'Walk in their shoes for a bit?

'Especially if they were fuzzy and had claws.'

Thanks. You know, I've had a real nightmare week.

-I just need a relaxing weekend.

-Try to unwind.

Monsters! Breakfast!

Come and get it.

ALL ROAR AND SHOUT

Eddie! Eddie!

-Eddie, over here!

-Incoming!

HE GOBBLES

-Hey, Eddie, don't throw food!

-What, scared of toast?

ALL CLAMOUR

-Ouch.

-Ha-ha-ha.

That's it. You're out of here.

Waiter, we'd like three milkshakes to go!

-I am not your waiter.

-We'd still like the shakes.

Out of here.

HE SIGHS

We've let you play with the monsters for the holidays,

but now it's over and it's time for life to return to normal.

-Normal is boring.

-Can we just sit down

and have a civilised family breakfast?

-Angela, do you have to read at the table?

-Er, yeah, yeah, I do,

cos I have to finish this before the new term starts.

That's not a book, it's a library.

Eddie, could you pass the milk, please?

Eddie, could you pass the milk?

Eddie.

Eddie!

I don't answer to the name Eddie anymore.

-Great(!)

-What do you answer to?

-Splurge.

-Er, yeah, that's funny, yeah.

That actually suits you.

Is there a reason for this?

I don't want to be a human being any more. From now on,

I'm going to be full-time monster.

Is this for real?

Yeah. Being a monster is a lifestyle choice which really works for me.

Go to bed when you like, get up when you like,

don't even have to wash or go to school.

I should have converted ages ago.

Did he just say he won't be going to school?

This is perfect. My son informs me he's going to change species

and it's not yet 8.30am.

This has gone too far.

Are you ready to take the bogey brother oath?

I am ready.

Then raise your hand and repeat after me...

NORMAN JABBERS

I, human Eddie...

I, human Eddie...

..now called Splurge...

..now called Splurge...

renounce my human-thingy people ways forever.

What you just said.

And from this day forward promise to do my monster worst.

That, too.

It's now time for the ceremonial exchange of gifts.

Oh, goody, this is the best bit!

Please accept...

the bogey.

I accept the bogey.

We all chipped in.

I can see that.

All right, this has gone far enough.

Eddie...

-time for you to play with some normal friends.

-Hey! I'm normal!

Me too. Well...as normal as can be.

HE JABBERS

You're the ones who aren't normal.

I mean people friends - boys your own age.

No! I'm a monster now. Four against two. You can't make me.

Eddie, come on, this is ridiculous...

SPLAT!

Did he just squash a giant bogey on me?

-Yes!

-Hey, aren't you the lucky one?

Oh! No-one ever squashes a bogey on me.

Right, that's it. Eddie, upstairs this instant and get dressed.

-I can't. I don't have any clothes.

-What have you done with them?

-We threw them all away!

-You did what?

The binmen took them this morning.

I don't need clothes any more. I have my Splurge suit.

Argh! Upstairs now!

You can take my home, you can take my dignity,

you can take my toast...

but you cannot take my son.

-Stop complaining, Eddie.

-These new human-thingy clothes are itchy.

OK, everyone, this is Gavin! He lives across the street.

Hello, Gavin.

Gavin, this is Eddie and Angela.

-My name is Splurge.

-NICK LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

-It's Eddie.

-Look, Gavin has proper skin, hair and eyes just like you.

You've got lots in common.

-Now, run along and play, boys!

-Go on.

NICK MOUTHS Weird parents?

-Yes!

-And a sister who reads? That is just wrong.

Splurge is gone!

He's left us!

PLAYS HARMONICA

I'm very close to tears right now.

Me too! And that presents a major health risk.

If you cry when you've got as many eyeballs as me, you dehydrate fast!

In a matter of seconds, I'll be as dry as a little green biscuit!

We're Splurge's true friends.

Yeah! What's that kid got that we haven't got, hmm?

-Oh... Hmm...

-Hmm...

Se, er, what do you want to do?

-What games do you have.

-Loads.

Want to play death drop onto the sofa?

-I've never heard of it.

-We could play gross out.

But I should warn you, I've been trained by a team of experts.

-Don't you have any proper games?

-Like what?

Computer games. What else?!

I don't have any.

-You're kidding me, right?!

-No.

Lucky for you I'm here.

Welcome to the future.

-Is it any good?

-Trust me,

you are going to like!

Time to lay down the law. Eddie is upstairs playing with a human

-and YOU are going to stay in the basement!

-Who says?

I do because I'm the BOSS!

No! I'M the boss!

He's definitely the boss. He keeps telling us he is.

NORMAN JABBERS

-Not any more!

-Have I been sacked?

No, because you never were the boss.

-Are you sure?

-Quite sure. Do as I say and stay in the basement.

Who says?

Just stay away from Eddie!

-Ha-ha.

-HAGGIS SNIFFS

I think human dad thingy wants us to stay away from Eddie.

Hmm... Ah! Then let's go look for SPLURGE!

Heh-heh-heh-heh!

NORMAN LAUGHS

Level two, this is where it starts to get interesting.

-What do we have to do?

-Same as before only quicker.

GAME BUZZES, ZAPS AND BEEPS

Let's get Splurge's attention.

Ring the door bell.

Doing-doing! Doing-doing!

Oh! Give him a call.

Prrp-prrp!

Prrp-prrp!

Try his mobile.

-MIMICS MOBILE RING TONE:

-# Wu-huh! Num-num-num now-now now

# Num-num num-num-num hu hu Num-num-num now-now

# Num-num-num... # Ah! Uh-ah?

-DAD:

-You've interrupted my meditation session.

Look, I'm not relaxed at all now.

Have you tried acupuncture?

I've considered it.

We could help with that. Where's that box of nails?

Will you get out of here?

No! We're not leaving without Splurge!

NORMAN JABBERS

Ha ha-ha! Kate?

-Ha-ha ha-ha-ha!

-Grrr!

Argh! Kate? Kate! Kate!

What do you three want?

SPLURGE!

You can't have him!

THEY ALL GRUNT

Is this some kind of game?

-No!

-Wargh!

Hmm! Launch Fiend!

NORMAN JABBERS

Yah! Grr!

SHOUTING AND GRUNTING

This is fun!

Argh!

Yeah! Heh-heh-heh!

Ha-ha-ha! Wurh! Can we play this game all the time?

No, we can't!

Who's winning?

SHE SCREAMS

GIBBERING, SCREAMING, GIGGLING

Isn't this cosy? Mm-hm!

Hey! Oh-oh! No! Hey, no! No pulling hair.

Not allowed!

Ai ya!

-HAGGIS:

-Ooh! Ha-ha-ha!

GIGGLING AND GIBBERING

-HAGGIS:

-Ooh!

-Hey, guys?

Gavin is really cool!

I'm so glad you like him.

Can he stay over?

I don't see why not. I'll go and ask his mum.

-Hi, Eddie!

-SPLURGE!

..Spleddie!

Later, guys, I've got to complete the bonus level.

He doesn't like us any more.

That hurts so bad!

You're going to have to learn to spend time with us.

What will we do?

So how's it going?

We're saving the universe.

Again?!

OK. Well, after you've done that, wash your hands before dinner.

GAME ZAPS AND BUZZES

NORMAN HUMS

We're bored, Big Eddie.

Do you want to play?

-RELAXING MUSIC THROUGH HEADPHONES

-What was his answer.

He's still thinking about it.

If you want us to leave, blink twice.

If you want us to stay, do nothing.

He wants us to stay!

OK!

Let's wake him up and have some fun! Twiddle the knobs, Norm!

NORMAN GIBBERS

VOLUME TO MAX

Argh!

THUD!

I think you've perforated my eardrum!

FIEND MOUTHS SILENTLY

I can't hear you.

CONTINUES SILENTLY

Er...I'm deaf.

And now you're cured.

MONSTERS GUFFAW

-SILENCE

-You think that's funny, do you?!

Hey, chill, Big Eddie.

I asked you to stay in the basement but you won't LISTEN!

You NEVER listen!

You just POKE

and PROD and PUSH!

Well, congratulations,

(you finally did it.)

Every man has his limit and you've found mine.

I've finally SNAPPED!

NORMAN JABBERS

Goodbye.

Good riddance.

But it's dark out here.

And chilly.

You're monsters! You're not afraid of the dark and are covered in fur.

Bye!

CAR DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE STARTS UP

NORMAN WHINES

CAR HORN BEEPS

CAR DRIVES AWAY

-COMPUTER GAME BUZZES AND ZAPS

-Hey, how's it going?

Is the world safe from alien invaders yet?

BUZZING AND ZAPPING CONTINUES

Hey, how about you take a break?

OK, I'm going to stand here and wave my arms!

Wow...

tough audience.

Eddie has turned in to a zombie. He's staring at the TV screen

goggle-eyed with his mouth wide open.

OK, so you're saying we've seen a definite improvement, then?

I think I preferred it when he was playing with the monsters.

They were messy and noisy but at least they knew how to have fun!

Well, I happen to like the new Eddie

and we should encourage him to play more computer games.

It's too quiet around here.

I can turn my pages really loudly if you like.

What's this place called again?

Outside.

Mmm... I'm going to introduce myself.

Hello, tree stump.

Hello, twig.

I'm Haggis. Ha-ha-ha.

It was nice of Big Eddie to take us for a ride.

Hello, little blue flower.

Although I didn't think much of his driving.

Hello, tufty mound.

I'll drive on the way back. We'll be home before tea.

Everyone seems very friendly.

NORMAN JABBERS

-Buh!

-Norman, I disagree.

Big Eddie will be back to pick us up ANY MINUTE NOW!

NORMAN HOWLS

Duh! Duh!

-HE SIGHS

-Ow! Ow!

O-ow! O-ow!

OK, I'm calling a ceasefire. Put your weapons down.

-You can't do that!

-Oh, come on, let us play. Just ten more minutes!

No, you've vaporised enough aliens for one day.

Well, how would you know?!

Ooh, game rage(!)

-Come on, Gavin, I'll walk you home.

-Why don't I have any computer games?

Because you've got something better.

Like what?!

Any minute now...

ANY minute NOW!

I hope Dad thingy gets back soon.

It's so dark!

-I can't find the light switch!

-Huh-huh...

NORMAN JABBERS

We won't be here much longer.

NORMAN JABBERS

-Clung!

-Norman, cone on, get serious!

We'll be picked up soon! We have not been dumped! Huh! Dumped?!

Dumped? What are you saying?

OWLS HOOT

NORMAN JABBERS AND HISSES

NORMAN MIMICS POPPED, DEFLATING BALLOON

NORMAN JABBERS

Apparently we blew

our one chance at happiness.

We're just stupid

MONSTERS - undeserving of love!

But wait...

what if this is all a dream?

When we wake up, we'll be back home with Eddie eating toast!

NORMAN JABBERS

OK, OK, Big Eddie's not coming back.

HAGGIS SIGHS

Let's find our own way home.

NORMAN JABBERS

-APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS

-Calling all monsters!

It's me - Eddie! Splurge!

I'm back!

Hey, where is everyone?

-You look extremely relaxed.

-I've just been in to town.

Hey, how about a family supper? Just you, me, the kids?

Maybe watch a movie after, all the way through with no interruptions.

What do you say?

Fat chance of that!

Has anyone seen Fiend, Haggis and Norman?

I've looked everywhere. They're not here!

Imagine that...

a monster-free household.

-I think they've run away.

-Are you sure?

-They're not here.

I know it!

Monsters!

Chocolate-chip cookies!

Come and get them.

This is all my fault.

When I started playing that stupid computer game,

-I completely ignored them.

-No, it's my fault.

If I hadn't interfered this morning, none of this would've happened.

Have they actually gone?

It's my way of coping.

Nick, what've you done?

OWLS HOOT Urgh, I'm tired of walking!

There must be an easier way home.

-Let's go by go-cart.

-Oh...

-any other bright ideas?

-Mmm...

let's go by speed boat.

-Can we leave it just to sensible suggestions?

-Hmm...

Well, we could fly home.

You want to FLY(?)

If little birdies can do it, so can I.

INHALES DEEPLY

Tweet-tweet! Tweet-tweet!

What are you doing?!

I'm flapping.

Do it faster.

I don't want to fly too high.

You have to admire his spirit.

NORMAN JABBERS

Do you guys want to hop on?

I'm happy to give you a ride.

Er...

No. No thanks. No. NORMAN JABBERS

OK, well,

here goes!

I can flyyyyyyy...

-CRUNCH!

-Ow!

Haggis?

Are you OK?

Ha-ha! Am I home yet?

Eddie, is that you?

-How could you do that?

-That's so cruel, Dad. It's night out there.

It's the other woodland creatures I feel sorry for.

Do they have supplies or even a phone?

My credit card so they could order a takeaway(!)

-I can't believe you did this.

-No, I should've done it ages ago.

It's hard to understand but in time you'll see it's for the best.

No, I won't!

Not EVER!

Kate, you wanted this too.

I thought I did but I was wrong. Today proved that to me.

We'll be a normal family now.

Like it or not, Fiend, Haggis and Norman are part of our family.

Oh, don't say that.

-Yes, it's true. It's their home too.

-You've got to get them back, Dad.

Yes, you have.

-No, what's done is done.

-Come on, Dad!

-Let's go get them.

-Look, I'm the boss around here

and my decision is ABSOLUTELY final!

Fiend? Haggis?

Norman?

Where are you?

Are you sure this was the right spot?

Yeah, positive. The...suitcases are there.

They must've wandered off.

-OWLS HOOT

-It's a big forest.

If anything's happened to them, I will never forgive you.

-I promise I will find them.

-Take Eddie with you.

I'll stay here with Angela in case they come back.

Uh... Ooh, what've you got there?

Biscuits - in case they're hungry.

-Can I have one?

-No!

They're for the monsters.

OWL HOOTS

-NORMAN JABBERS

-I'm cold, I'm tired...

I'm HUNGRY!

Anything else you'd like to add(?)

Did I mention "scared"?

We're supposed to be the scary ones!

Ssh! Did you hear footsteps?

(Listen.)

THUMPING, RUSTLING FOOTSTEPS

Oh...did you hear that?

Yeah(!)

It was YOU!

Uh? Ooh, muscley me.

Uh, does anybody know which direction we're supposed to be heading in?

NORMAN JABBERS

Oh, let's face it,

we're lost and all alone!

THEY ALL GIBBER

Ooh!

Hmm.

Uh?

They're gone. They're just... They're nowhere to be found.

Well, we're never going to see them again, are we?

We're not leaving here without them.

Not EVER!

We'll look again at first light.

I looked up to you.

I thought you were the best dad in the world.

Not any more.

If I could turn back the clock I would.

I'm sorry.

-I can't believe they're gone.

-Me, neither.

It's almost as though I can smell Norman.

PRRRPPPTHHH!

That creaking branch sounded just like Haggis farting.

OWLS HOOT

ALL: Oh, we miss them!

I'm sorry.

HE SNIFFLES

I miss them, too.

THEY SNIFFLE

-Ah, isn't this nice?

-A group hug, at last.

NORMAN JABBERS

It's the monsters!

-Heh-heh-heh!

-You're back!

What's the matter? Is there something on my back?

Thank goodness, they're all right.

Let's go home.

Burp! Ha-ha!

We'll never all fit in - not with all their luggage!

There might be room in the boot.

NORMAN JABBERS

Oh, I guess not.

Hey, what about me?

-See you at home!

-Hey!

Don't leave me here!

LEAVES RUSTLE

Come on, Dad, or we'll go without you.

Wait for me.

'Everyone is different.

'You can't choose who you were born.

'I'm not Splurge,

'I'm Eddie,

'but I'm a monster at heart.'

Supper time! Come and get it!

-Eddie, come on, then.

-OK. Who's first?

Me! NORMAN JABBERS

Over here!

All just one big, happy, hairy family again.

If you insist on doing that

with your food, would you at least throw some my way?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Right...

Are you OK, Dad?

We both behaved pretty badly.

Are we quits now?

Quits.

So, how did you three like your little adventure?

-Well...

-Outside is a DUMP!

Bleaurgh!

There's no roof on it.

We were rid of them. For a brief moment we were FREE!

I know.

Everybody needs a monster in their life.

I know I do.

-Hug!

-Ha-ha. NORMAN JABBERS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd.

E-mail [email protected]

# Don't be sad and lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can... #