Monster Lurgy Me and My Monsters


Monster Lurgy

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# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

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# You put me right when I am going wrong

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# You're my hands when my arms are tied

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# You colour me in when I'm black and white

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# You pick me up when I fall down

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# You take my frown and you turn it around

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# I couldn't wish for better friends

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# To share my life with

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# Don't be sad or lonely

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# If you need someone to hold your hand

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# Me and my monsters can

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# Me and my monsters can #

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GLASS BREAKS

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Out of bed, Eddie!

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Come on. Get those cold feet onto a nice warm floor!

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Big maths test!

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'There are loads of things in life we'd rather not do,

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'but sometimes you just have to face the music.

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'Or do you?'

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Mmm, breakfast! My fave!

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Well, apart from lunch, dinner, pudding, starters and breakfast.

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Oh, what are we having?

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I hope it's a big sherbety cake with chocolate!

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-Nothing!

-Nothing?!

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Nothing. You know you're not supposed to be up here.

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Yeah, but... No, but...

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-But...

-No buts!

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-I think she means you, Haggis.

-HE LAUGHS

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What's wrong with my butt?

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I need you to behave today and stay downstairs.

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Nick's in bed not feeling very well.

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-Agh!

-Why doesn't he just get out of bed, then?

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No, he's...

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He's got a nasty cold. He needs peace and quiet.

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Should we go and cheer him up?

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Don't...cheer him up!

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Just let him sleep.

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-Now, shoo!

-Oh! Did you say "shoe"? Because I LOVE...

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Agh! HE LAUGHS

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What's wrong, Eddie? Why aren't you up?

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Oh, hi, guys.

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It's you. Got a killer maths test today.

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Sounds scary!

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Mum Thingy Person says Dad Thingy Person's not feeling good either.

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He's got "a nasty cold".

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Wait. That's brilliant!

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It is? Well, she seemed to think it was a bad thing.

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If I can pretend to be ill, then, I'll have to stay in bed all day!

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Why would anyone want to stay in bed?

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-Well, it's better than a maths test.

-Yeah, but it's boring!

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-Why can't you come and play with us?

-Aha!

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But I can. When Mum goes to the shops,

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I can sneak down, and we can hang out all day!

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-Yay!

-Oh, sneaking!

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I like it!

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Right! Time to put Operation Skip School into action. Stay here.

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Is Dad Thingy Person sneaking so he can play with us too?

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I doubt it. Dad wouldn't take a day off work

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if he wasn't feeling pretty rough.

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-Surprise!

-Agh!

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NORMAN CLUCKS Agh!

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AARGH!

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Mum Thingy Person said you had a nasty cold,

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so we thought we'd give you a lovely warm!

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Get off me! HE GRUNTS

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But we thought you'd want cheering up!

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Just get out! I want to be completely alone!

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HE MOANS AND COUGHS

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Headache?

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Does your stomach hurt?

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-HE GRUNTS

-And my nose is blocked, too.

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Oh, dear. You must've got it off Dad. He's got a cold.

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Let me get you some tissues.

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Oh, boy! That's pretty high.

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Straight back to bed for you, little man.

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Oh, but...what about breakfast?

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Not with a fever like that.

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Maybe some ice cream might cool me down.

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Nice try! Back to bed, and stay there.

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All right, Mum.

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If you say so.

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Make sure your monsters stay downstairs.

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You and your dad need plenty of rest today.

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Er, Mum? What is Eddie doing? Why is he going back to bed?

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He's not feeling very well.

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Oh, great!

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Now, let me be crystal clear about this.

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You lot are to stay in the basement for the rest of the day.

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No fun and games!

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Angela, I'll drive you to school on my way to the shops.

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We're in a rush now. No time for breakfast,

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so I've popped an extra banana in your lunch.

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Oh, great. So Eddie gets to lounge around all day, and I get a banana.

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He's not lounging around. He's ill. So's your dad.

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There must be a bug going round. Now, come on!

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Did she say "bug"?

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-What bug?

-Sounds scary!

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-Is it a big bug?

-It's huge. You better believe it.

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It's massive. And it's got teeth, too.

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It eats monsters.

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Wh-Wh-Wh-Where?

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Oh, it could be anywhere, really.

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-Maybe even somewhere in here!

-MONSTERS SHRIEK IN FRIGHT

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Come on. We'll have to get a wriggle on to get to school on time.

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Yay!

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What's wrong with them?

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Oh, nothing!

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-MONSTERS WHIMPER

-Nothing.

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NORMAN CLUCKS AND SOBS

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DOOR SLAMMING

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Hello?

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MONSTERS WHIMPER

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THEY SHOUT IN FRIGHT

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THEY YELL AND SHRIEK

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-What are you doing?

-Hiding from the b-b-b-bug!

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-What bug?

-The big monster-eating bug!

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There's no such thing!

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Angela said there's a ginormous bug, and it's going to eat us!

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Did she?

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Well, I happen to know for a fact that she took the bug with her

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in her school bag!

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Really? Why?

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Er... I don't know. For show-and-tell!

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Now, let's get some ice cream!

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-Ice cream makes everything better.

-Yay!

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But we have to be quiet.

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If we wake Dad up, we'll be in trouble.

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NORMAN CLUCKS NERVOUSLY Oh, boy!

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Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

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NORMAN CONTINUES TO CLUCK

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What's he doing?

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Oh, he's looking for...the bug!

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-But I already said...

-NICK SNEEZING

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It's Dad. Quick, hide!

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MONSTERS SQUEAK AND SHOUT

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Eddie! Shouldn't you be at school, mate?

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No. I'm ill too.

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I think I must've caught something off you.

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Oh, sorry. Shouldn't you be up in bed?

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Yeah. I was just getting a drink.

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Oh, yeah. Me, too. Honey and lemon. Always does the trick!

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HE SNIFFS AND GRUNTS That, and sleep.

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Speaking of which, will you tell the monsters to stay out of my way?

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Yeah. Otherwise they're going to catch my illness.

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THEY WHIMPER

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HE SNEEZES

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Gesundheit!

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Dad!

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Here's your drink.

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Thanks, Eddie. Come on. Let's get back up to our beds.

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-HAGGIS PANTS IN RELIEF

-Did you hear that?

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Dad Thingy Person said we might get his illness

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-if we hung around him!

-We've been hanging round with him all morning!

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-HE GASPS

-Maybe we got it already!

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Oh, no! What's going to happen?

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HE GIBBERS FRANTICALLY

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HE MOANS AND SOBS

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Norm's gone crazy!

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But he's always crazy.

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HE GIBBERS

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But now he's even more crazier! Oh!

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Fiend! You've gone green!

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I'm always green!

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But now you're even more greenier!

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Oh! You're right!

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HAGGIS BREAKS WIND THUNDEROUSLY

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Oh! You've got bum-cough!

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Oh, no! We've got the illness!

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HE HYPERVENTILATES What are we going to do?

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Go ask Eddie!

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-Aren't you coming?

-No. I... You go ahead.

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I... I feel faint.

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FIEND MOANS

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But...

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HE GASPS

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Ssh! What is it?

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-What do you do when you're ill?

-I'm not ill! I've explained this!

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Yes, but what do you do if you ARE ill - like, really ill?

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Er... I don't know. Have some medicine.

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What's meddlycine?

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It's like a potion-type thingy that makes you feel better.

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Potion! Makes you feel better! Got it!

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Ahhh! A potion, eh?

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Yeah. A meddlycine. Eddie says it makes people feel better!

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Well, what makes US feel better?

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Ummm... Ice cream!

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Ah! Good, good! Yes! Throw that in!

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-HE LAUGHS WILDLY

-And, er...

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-sherbet!

-Sherbet, yes!

-We'll need that.

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Sherbet! THEY BOTH SHOUT

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Er... Now, Mum Thingy Person says chocolate makes her feel better.

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-Chocolate!

-Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!

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FIEND LAUGHS

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Yes! Yum-yum-yum-yum!

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-NORMAN SHRIEKS

-Whoa!

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-Hi, Eddie!

-Ssh! What are you doing?

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This place is a mess!

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We're making a potion for our illnesses,

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-like you said.

-What illnesses?

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I'm green, Norm's crazy...

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And I've got bum-cough! HE BREAKS WIND

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Mum'll be back any second. She'll kill me if she sees this!

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I don't like this illness thingy. You said it was going to be fun!

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Sorry. It's just... We really will have no fun if Mum sees this!

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-NORMAN CLUCKS WILDLY

-Ssh! What is it?

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He still hasn't found...the bug.

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I told you, there is no...

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CAR HORN BEEPING NORMAN GIBBERS

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-CAR DOOR SLAMMING

-Mum Thingy Person's back!

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Argh! Everybody downstairs, quick!

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MONSTERS SHOUT IN PANIC

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What's all this, Eddie?

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I was making myself something to eat to make me feel better,

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but I...I couldn't find what I was looking for.

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The only thing that will make you feel better is rest.

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Yes, Mum.

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Hmm. Actually, you ARE looking better.

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If your appetite's back, maybe you could make it to school after all.

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-FIEND SNIFFS

-Ahhh, perfect!

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HE SNIFFS DEEPLY Dee-luscious!

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-Mmm! Try some!

-No way!

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-Go on!

-Um...

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Actually I'm feeling much better now. Listen, listen, listen!

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There's nothing. Why don't you try it?

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What, are you nuts? Look at the stuff!

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I'm not THAT ill. In fact, I think I feel better too.

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Mmm, yes. Back to my old green self.

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Yeah.

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Maybe...Norm should try it!

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-Argh!

-HE MOANS

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Good idea. Hey, Norm!

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-Try this.

-NORMAN CLUCKS

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HE BLEATS

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Ah, yes. You're right, Norm.

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We SHOULD give it to Dad Thingy Person.

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Good point! I mean, he was the one who sneezed us the ill

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-in the first place. Right?

-It's only fair!

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HE COUGHS AND MOANS

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Hmm... Couple more spots, I think, Eddie.

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Hey, Fiend! I did it!

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Argh! What happened to your face?

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Don't worry. It's only Angela's makeup.

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What's it doing on you? Doesn't she want it any more?

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Look, I took it from her room. I'm trying to look more ill

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-so Mum won't make me go to school.

-I like it!

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Makes you look like a monster.

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You're finally turning into one of us!

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I think I've gone a bit too far.

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-NICK SHOUTING

-I'm the king of the world! Whoo-hoo!

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-It worked!

-I knew it would! I'm so clever!

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It was my idea, bogey-breath.

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-What did you guys do?

-We mended Dad Thingy Person.

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OK. How?

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-We gave him our meddlycine.

-You did what?!

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Stay here!

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HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

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-Maybe you should get back in bed.

-What? No! No, no.

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I've been in bed all day. What I need, yeah, is exercise! Hah!

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Nick!

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Honestly, honey, I feel fantastic!

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HE SNEEZES

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Let's just settle down, shall we?

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Right. Just try to relax...

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-and calm down!

-HE YELLS

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THEY CHUCKLE

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Put that down!

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OK, listen. I don't know what was in that stuff,

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but we have to put Dad back to normal.

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I'm serious! He looks totally wacko!

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Yeah, but he wasn't feeling so good, and now he sounds fun!

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NICK SINGING AND SHOUTING MONSTERS LAUGH

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Ssh! Please, we have to undo it!

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Get back downstairs. I'll sneak down when I can.

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If Mum finds you in here, she'll have a...

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Atchoo!

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Gesundheit.

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They were just trying to cheer me up, Mum.

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You look terrible! I told you to leave him alone.

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Out you go! I don't want to hear another peep out of you.

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No problemo! How about a "whoop"?

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-Or a "ping"?

-Yeah, or even a -

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No! Eddie, back in bed!

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You two, downstairs!

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Now, promise me you'll stay in bed and try to get some rest.

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-OK.

-Promise?

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Promise.

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OK. So, Eddie said to put Dad Thingy Person back to how he was.

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How do we do that?

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What we need is the opposite of the meddlycine that made him better.

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Oh, er... An un-meddlycine!

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Yeah! We're going to need some more ingredients.

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OK! Now, what's the opposite of ice cream?

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Er... Hot...

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Hmm?

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..cheese? FIEND GASPS

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You know, you're not as stupid as everyone says!

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-HE GIGGLES HAPPILY

-Get the cheese.

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I got cheese. There. Cheese! HE SNIFFS

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Ooh! It's stinky!

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Excellent! Ha-ha!

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-Now, what's the opposite of sugar?

-Ummm...

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-Pepper! No! Salt!

-But pepper makes you sneeze.

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Ooh, good point. I tell you what - I am going to put both in.

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-That's the ticket!

-HAGGIS GIGGLES

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-Onions!

-Onions?

-Instead of chocolate!

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Of course! Sorry.

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Ooh, look! These look interesting. Shall I put them in?

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-Why not?

-HAGGIS LAUGHS

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Hah! And now, for the finishing touch...

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-Huh?

-# Ba-baaaaah! Hah!

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-What's that?

-Angela's makeup!

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Eddie says it makes you look ill,

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and we need to put Dad Thingy Person back to BEING ill,

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-so...

-So...I should put some on?

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No! Put it in the un-meddlycine!

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Of course!

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HE LAUGHS AND SINGS

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Look at it!

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It's working!

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It's working!

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HE CACKLES EVILLY

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Mu-hu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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HE GRUNTS AND LAUGHS

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Hey, Norm? You want to stop that?

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NORMAN GIGGLES

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What's Norm doing, anyway?

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Building a trap for the bug!

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But Eddie said it's in Angela's bag!

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Well, he says "better safe than sorry".

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HE MAKES SNORING SOUNDS

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That'll do it.

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TAPE REWINDS SQUEAKILY

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SNORING SOUNDS PLAY BACK

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-It worked!

-HE LAUGHS

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Oh! Stinks down here!

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HE CLUCKS WARNINGLY

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-Careful, Eddie!

-Why?

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You're about a millipede away from the lever

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which sets off Norm's bug trap.

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Lever?

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Bug trap?

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Guys, what's going on down here?

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Eddie, you have to be in bed. Mum Thingy Person said so.

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I've got it covered!

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But I've only got a few minutes of snoring recorded.

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We need to think of a plan to put Dad back to normal, quick.

0:19:350:19:38

Ah! Well, we have THAT covered!

0:19:380:19:42

Uh-oh!

0:19:420:19:44

-It was very clever of me.

-Of me!

0:19:440:19:46

-That's what I said. Me!

-No! I came up with the plan!

0:19:460:19:49

-I thought YOU did!

-What?

-Guys!

0:19:490:19:51

-Sorry.

-Sorry!

-What exactly did you do?

0:19:510:19:55

Well, we started with a big piece of stinky cheese...

0:19:550:19:59

Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to be good?

0:19:590:20:03

HE YODELS AND SQUAWKS

0:20:040:20:06

-FAST-PACED MUSIC PLAYS

-Nick!

-Hey, hon!

0:20:070:20:10

-Nick!

-I'm just finding my rhythm, working through the burn!

0:20:100:20:13

-Yeah!

-Yes, I can see that.

0:20:130:20:16

Honestly, babe, I'm as strong as an ox. Look at it! Whoa! Gun-show!

0:20:160:20:20

OK, maybe I'm a bit off,

0:20:220:20:24

but I just need a little bit more lemon and honey.

0:20:240:20:27

No! Back in bed.

0:20:270:20:29

HE GRUNTS

0:20:290:20:32

-ANGELA SHOUTING

-Where is all my makeup?

0:20:330:20:35

-And some pepper, and some bogeys...

-Big ones!

0:20:380:20:42

And a rubber chicken, er, an old shoe,

0:20:420:20:46

Angela's makeup, and a bunch of those little red fruits.

0:20:460:20:50

-What red fruits?

-Mmm-hm!

0:20:500:20:53

-That's a chilli!

-Brr-rr-rr! Sounds cool!

0:20:530:20:57

It's not cool, it's hot. Very hot!

0:20:570:21:00

-Then, why's it called a chilly?

-Because...

0:21:000:21:03

Oh, never mind. It's a good job,though, I came down,

0:21:030:21:06

because you absolutely cannot give that to Dad.

0:21:060:21:09

-We already did.

-Good!

0:21:090:21:11

Hang on. What?!

0:21:110:21:13

We already gave it to him. He's probably drunk it all up by now.

0:21:130:21:17

No. Oh, no. This is bad!

0:21:170:21:20

Very bad! We've got to stop him!

0:21:200:21:22

Angela! Hi!

0:21:220:21:24

-How are you?

-Feeling better, are we?

0:21:240:21:27

-Oh, please! It's urgent!

-Not until you tell me where my makeup is.

0:21:270:21:30

I don't know what you're talking about. I have to go!

0:21:300:21:33

-It's an emergency!

-Where is it?

-Angela, stop bugging me!

0:21:330:21:37

-Agh!

-Bugging?

0:21:370:21:39

The bug! Angela's school bag!

0:21:390:21:42

Why are you looking at me like that?

0:21:430:21:45

-Dad! Stop! Don't drink that.

-Why?

0:21:500:21:53

Because it's cold. Let me get you a new one.

0:21:530:21:55

-Nah! It's fine. It's fantastic.

-Stop!

0:21:550:21:59

I think the mug's dirty. Let me get you a clean one!

0:21:590:22:02

Come on, Eddie! Just leave...

0:22:020:22:04

Er...

0:22:070:22:09

A bit too much lemon or something.

0:22:090:22:12

Have these instead. Sorry! Bye!

0:22:120:22:15

What...

0:22:160:22:17

SNORING NOISES

0:22:170:22:19

SNORING NOISES CONTINUE

0:22:240:22:27

"That'll do it."

0:22:270:22:29

Go, Haggis! Get the bug!

0:22:430:22:45

Ah! Eddie! Eddie!

0:22:450:22:47

-She's got it! She's got the bug!

-Eddie,

0:22:470:22:51

will you tell your overgrown gerbil to get his hands off my property?!

0:22:510:22:55

-Haggis!

-Stop!

0:22:550:22:57

Whoa!

0:22:570:22:59

HE GIBBERS

0:22:590:23:01

GRINDING

0:23:010:23:04

NORMAN CLUCKS TRIUMPHANTLY

0:23:190:23:22

ANGELA SPLUTTERS

0:23:240:23:28

-HE SQUEAKS

-Er... He says... "Oops!"

0:23:280:23:32

'I guess sometimes avoiding the stuff you don't want to do

0:23:330:23:36

'just ends up making things a whole lot worse -

0:23:360:23:40

'especially if you've got monsters helping you avoid it.'

0:23:400:23:43

I'm really sorry, Mum. And you, sis.

0:23:430:23:46

SHE SNEEZES

0:23:460:23:49

Eddie...

0:23:490:23:50

Do you think that you could get us some biscuits

0:23:500:23:53

to go with this hot chocolate?

0:23:530:23:55

And my magazine from the kitchen table?

0:23:550:23:58

-Sure.

-Oh, hey, Eddie...

0:23:580:24:00

I forgot to say, Mrs Grainger rang earlier.

0:24:000:24:04

Your maths test has been moved to tomorrow.

0:24:050:24:09

-What?!

-ANGELA GIGGLES

0:24:090:24:11

Atchoo!

0:24:110:24:13

It seems a few other pupils from your class

0:24:130:24:15

fell mysteriously ill today, too.

0:24:150:24:18

THEY LAUGH

0:24:220:24:25

OK. So, how long do you think we can get him to run around after us?

0:24:280:24:33

He should be good for another couple more hot chocolates, I think.

0:24:330:24:37

SHE LAUGHS

0:24:370:24:40

# Don't be sad or lonely

0:24:460:24:48

# If you need someone to hold your hand

0:24:480:24:52

# Me and my monsters can #

0:24:520:24:56

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0:24:560:25:00

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0:25:000:25:04

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0:25:040:25:04

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