Monstersitter Me and My Monsters

# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I am going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# You pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

Hit it, Norm.

Nice, all right, now go, Haggis.

Yeah! Bo-boo-bo-doo.

Now, freestyle.

RECORD SCRATCHING

Ha, ha! Oh, yeah!

Woo! Yeah.

Cool, check this out.

Go on, Haggis.

Woo! That's it! Go, Haggis!

Nice. Wow, hey, wow, ahhh!

Oh, this is brilliant! What's next?

Oh, good call, MC Norm.

My go. Ha, ha, ha! Do it!

Urrr, my brain hurts. Wa-ahh!

'The great thing about monsters is, they know how to have fun.

'But the best part,

'monster fun has a brilliant way of infecting everyone.'

OK, wrap it up, you lot!

'Most of the time!'

Eddie, get changed. The baby-sitter'll be here soon.

All right, Mum.

Baby-sitter?

Baby-sitter?

What's a baby-sitter?! Yeah, sounds scary.

Is it going to sit on Eddie? What?

Buggle-bup-phlugh. Ha, ha! You're right, Norman.

If anyone's going to sit on Eddie, it'll be Haggis.

Yeah, he's mine! Argh-argh-argh! Get off.

Nobody's going to sit on anybody.

We're going out, so we've hired someone

to look after Eddie and Angela.

But, you always get a Lucy when you go out.

Why are you getting a baby-sitter instead of a Lucy?

Lucy was our baby-sitter, but she moved away.

The new sitter is the most dedicated sitter on the agency's books.

She's sat for all the neighbours, so be good! We don't want to scare her.

I don't see why we need a baby-sitter.

I'm old enough to take care of the squirt and his pets.

Yeah, right. FYI, we don't need looking after.

Sorry.

Come on, guys, let's go. Eddie, you stay up here.

But it's monster night!

We haven't finished busting our funky groove yet.

It's not fair! What's going on!

Woah-woah-woah, just turn it down.

Good grief, you guys, it's one night, I'm sure you'll survive.

Oh, and by the way.

Yours, I presume? Huh! My bogeys! Oh!

I thought I'd lost you guys,

Squidgy, Slimy, Stretchy, Sticky and Colin.

That's hilarious(!) You're really gross.

Well, thank you, that's so sweet.

Keep the freaks away from the baby-sitter.

Hello?! We can hear what you're saying!

KNOCK KNOCK

That'll be her. Out, you lot.

It's all right, I'll sneak down when I can.

Yeah, well...

Pauline. Mrs Carlson, so pleased to meet you.

And may I say what a lovely house you have. Oh, please call me Kate.

And this is Angela and Eddie. S'up? Hey. Hello.

Right, let's show you everything.

Oh, yes, this IS a nice house.

Oh, I'm sorry about this, it's not usually such a mess.

Oh, don't worry. I'll see it gets sorted.

Hi, I hope they don't give you much trouble.

I'm sure they won't. And for my part, I'm firm but fair.

We should get a wriggle on.

There's pizza in the fridge. We won't be late.

Bye, guys. Behave. Whatever.

Where are you two going? This mess needs cleaning.

I thought you said... I said I'd see it get sorted.

But... No buts, well, except for yours, wiggling while you wipe.

Oh, I do like these big old houses with all their nooks and crannies.

I bet it's great to play hide and seek in, isn't it?

"Coming, ready or not!" Oh, come on, then.

Ohh! I think I might actually explode from boredom.

Oh, now, that sounds good. Shall we do that? No, I'm too bored to.

Let's do the wavey-breaky up-and-downy dance-thingy again.

No, it's no fun without Eddie. Oh, yeah... Oh! I know!

Why don't we make an Eddie out of bits and bobs to dance with us?

Wait, I've got it!

We could make an Eddie out of bits and bobs to dance with us!

I just said that. Hey, Norman. Zsip? Rummage!

Gfar-vor! Ha ha ha!

Norman!

OK, Pauline. We're finished. Oh. Right, TV and pizza time.

No, no, no, not quite. Homework first. What?!

There'll be no TV on my watch. First homework, then food,

then bed by eight. Eight?! But it's Friday! Mmm?

What happened to firm but fair?

Eight is fair, unless you answer back, and then it becomes seven.

ROARR! Errr...

LOUDLY: # I love doing my homework It really is the best

# I'm quite inclined to work all night to prepare for a test

No, no, no. That noise came from underneath us. Under the floor.

Does this house have a basement? A basement? A basement? No.

Ha ha ha... No, no, no! Definitely no basement!

No, definitely no basement.

Ah. Oh, no, no, there's no basement here.

That's hilarious! Do those things even exist?

But that looks like a door. So where does it lead?

That door? Mmm. That one? This... Broom cupboard. Yes!

A broom cupboard, see? Oh.

Oh dear, look at this floor! You don't mind if I sweep up, do you?

Ha, ho! Splemendous work, Normski. Biggle. It's perfecterific! Mwah!

It's not much like Eddie, though. Looks more like a monster.

Exactly. Even better! Let's try this bad boy out, shall we?

Hmmph.

Ha ha! Now, that's what I call headbanging. I've killed Eddie!

Guys. Ah! Eddie, how did...? But you...? What's going on here?

We were bored, so we made an Eddie,

but then I knocked your head off and you said "What's going on?"

So I told you, and if I don't stop

I'll be talking about the future.

And my brain hurts and I have to sit down.

You need to keep the noise down. The new sitter just heard you.

You said you were going to sneak down and see us.

She's making us do homework. But it's a Friday!

I know. And she wants us in bed by eight! Hello?!

How are we going to do the dance in bed?! What are you going to do?

She's sat for most kids in the neighbourhood.

I'm going to find her weakness. Good thinking!

And then we can exploit it,

ruthlessly, until she's nothing but a joyless, friendless,

hollow husk of her former self!

I was thinking more, can she be bribed with sweets?

Anything she's afraid of? Um, I can be bribed with sweets.

I don't have any. Just checking.

Lots of very unusual paraphernalia,

which doesn't really signify anything

except their taste is very unusual.

Of course, it's not my business how they choose to decorate...

Have you lost something? Oh! Angela.

Yes, my book. Do you know what I did with it?

"Hunting And Trapping." It's right there on the table.

Oh, so it is. Silly me.

Under my nose all along. How's the homework coming? Fine. Good.

Well, I'd better get back to it, then. Okey-doke. Bye-bye.

No sign of anything yet, but I have a feeling about this house.

They are definitely hiding something.

OK, AJ, thanks anyway.

Nothing! The woman is Teflon. I can be bribed with sweets.

For the last time, I do not have any sweets.

Guys, she's a thief, right. Pauline's a thief!

What? I just caught her rummaging through our cupboards,

Gooby-goo! Arhha. Look out, you said the R-word.

That makes sense. I've heard she baby-sits once and never comes back.

That's why she wants us in bed early, to get us out of the way,

to have a rummage. Don't say it! Ohh...

Ur-ah-ha! I say we get upstairs and we don't let her out of our sight.

Woah, woah, hey, what happened to feeling groovy?

You know, shaking our groovy jive thing?

Sorry, Fiend, until she's gone, fun is definitely off the menu.

Hmmm... No fun till she's gone, eh?

Raaaghh! Ahh! Oh!

Ah-ha!

Ha, ha, ha. What are you playing at?

Just trying to get rid of her so we can funk our groovy jive thing.

Take your groovy jive thing and get out of here before she sees you!

Are you all right? I don't understand,

I'm sure it was more than just a mask.

Get out, get out. Ow, stop it.

Wow, draughty old house.

PHUUPHH!

Phew! Pepperoni!

Oh, no! I've got pizza on my shirt, I need to wash it off.

Angela, give me a hand?

Why can't you just do it yourself?

No, you really need to give me a hand.

I'm going to give him. A hand.

I think we got away with it. I don't think she saw any monsters.

Let's take them back to the basement.

I saw one, I'm sure of it!

I'm pretty sure I smelled one too,

but I think the children are in on it.

Now, they mustn't suspect a thing.

Finally, after all these years, my hunt could be over!

For the last time, I did not tell you to get rid of her.

Actually, it feels like you did.

Just stay in the basement and do not try to get rid of her.

So, how do we get rid of her?

She's a tough nut to crack.

Yeah, that was like my best bunk off, ever.

We need something so fiendish, she'll never come back ever again.

Any ideas? Umm, oh! Oh!

Anyone? Oh, megabor, megaborreh. Diggy-diggy-diggy.

Ants in her pants, oh, not bad, Norman, good work.

Me! Me! Eh-bor-beh. Abon-de-be.

No, we used all the goo on the slime pie, feather brain. Oh, bi-bor.

No-one ever listens to me, it's like I'm invisible. I'll show you!

Big-or-beh, ee-wrow. Mmm, maybe.

But where would we get an elephant at this time of night?

OK, that's the monsters under control.

I think now all we need to do is keep an eye on that burgling baby-sitter.

So, when the thisple becomes invisible,

one must understand it has to be credible.

Ah, I, um, need to powder my nose. Ahem. Is that the bathroom?

No, no, no, that's the broom cupboard, remember?

Oh, so it is! Silly me. Yeah, yeah, the bathroom's just there. Thank you.

OK, that wasn't weird at all(!)

Yeah, she's always talking to herself when she thinks no-one's listening.

Yeah, she's always mumbling to herself.

Unless she's talking into this.

OK. "Finally, after all these years, my hunt could be over.

"If there are monsters here, I'm going to find them!"

She's a monster hunter! Oh, that's so not good!

Anyone seen Haggis? Ahh! Ahh! You've got my skin!

All right, I'll deal with the monsters, you watch Pauline.

Ahh, ahh! Umph!

Haggis, no!

Ah! Oh, boy. What are you doing?

I guess I'm trying to scare you,

by making you think that there are monsters when there aren't.

Oh, aren't there any? Now, are you sure about that? Of course I'm sure.

Everybody knows there's no such thing as monsters.

Well, I'll tidy all this away while you have a little read of your book.

Hunting And Trapping. OK, I won't be long. Right.

SNIFF

SNIFF SNIFF

Very odd.

Even Eddie thinks I don't exist! Huh! I knew it! I'm a nobody!

Oh, Haggis, stop being so daft. Oh, great, I'm a daft nobody.

Keep it down. What's going on? Nothing.

Nothing is going on because I don't exist. Of course you exist. Look.

Ahh! Who are you?! Me? Me?! You're me? Then who am I? I dunno.

Haggis, you're losing it. I'm losing it?!

You're the one talking to Mr Nobody. Haggis, we don't have time for this.

There's a monster hunter upstairs. Boo-gie! Mudy-har-me.

Yeah, what monster hunter? You haven't told them?

I didn't want to freak them out.

The baby-sitter is a monster hunter.

Pah! Well, you know what I say to that? Hmm?

Hold me, Eddie, she'll turn me into bagpipes!

OK, I was going to say put you in a zoo, but bagpipes works too.

Oh, Haggis, why are you crying?

Because I've just discovered I don't exist,

and that's not exactly fun, Angela.

No! Not up there. She'll trap you. I'm invisible, remember.

Haggis! No!

I just need evidence. Evidence that they do exist.

Something small, doesn't have to be big at all, something sm...

Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!

My name is Pauline Travis,

my name is Pauline Travis....

Was that what I... It was. It was, wasn't it?

It's my teddy bear... A school project on dinosaurs...

The truth. Was that...? Were those...?

Monsters?

There's no such thing, remember? Maybe you're just tired or...

No, that's it! You're asleep and this is all a dream.

No, no, no. There is a basement.

Ha, ha! No, no, no, out of my way!

It's dangerous down there, Pauline the baby-sitter!

She's coming in! Make like toys.

Uh! We can explain! Shh!

Ahhh!! Um, hello.

You, you do exist. I do? That's fantastic.

Thank you! Oh, thank you!

Haggis, no! This isn't what it looks like.

Oh, yes, it is.

And it's wonderful. Please don't tell anyone, they wouldn't hurt a...

Wait, what?

After all these years. At last. At last...?

When I was little, I was convinced there were monsters in our attic.

Really?

And I was never happier,

but my parents thought I was being silly.

And the more I insisted that the monsters were real,

the more they insisted that they were all in my head.

Finally, we moved away and I never saw the monsters again.

That's so sad. Yes, yes, it is.

Here, you take it, take it.

Phhh-hhhh. So...

So I vowed that when I was old enough,

I would prove to myself that monsters are real.

Ahem. So, just to be clear, will you or will you not

be turning me into bagpipes?

Definitely not. Phew! Ha-ha! Carry on.

I think this calls for a celebration.

I know, let's do the wavey-breaky up-and-downy dance-thingy together.

Great idea, Haggis. Hit it, Norman.

That's it. Ready? One, two, three. Woah-hoo!

Dur-dur-dur bah-bah-bah. Wow! Go, Eddie!

Woo! Ow! Oh, wowee, Pauliney.

Thanks, please call me P-Nanny. Woo-hoo!

That's great, Norman, nice moves.

Yeah!

Bah-da-ba-da. Duh-ba-da.

...I know. Oh, dear. Oh, hello, did you have a good time?

Um, yeah, it was fun, how about yours?

Oh, we've had a wonderful time.

I might even go so far as to say it was splemendous.

Really? That's good.

Mum, can Pauline come again if you have to go out or anything? Um, sure.

Well, I'd better skedaddle. Bye bye. We'll show you out. Great.

Wow, she really is good.

Well, that was some night.

I haven't had that much fun since, well, since I was little.

Remember what we said about the monsters.

Oh, don't worry, I will keep our friends a secret, I promise.

See you later, bogey-brains. Right back at ya, bug features.

Come back soon! Ta-ta. Bye bye.

'Like I said, monsters really know how to have fun.

'And once you've had fun like that, you never want to let it go.'

So, did you have a good night? Fine.

Until I almost served Haggis's bogeys for dessert.

You brought the wrong tin, that's disgusting.

People almost ate Haggis's bogeys!

Hang on, there's only two left in there. Somebody must have...

Oh, ugh... Yuck.

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd