Alone Together Me and My Monsters

# You're my might when I'm not feeling strong

# You put me right when I am going wrong

# You're my hands when my arms are tied

# You colour me in when I'm black and white

# You pick me up when I fall down

# You take my frown and you turn it around

# I couldn't wish for better friends to share my life with

# Don't be sad or lonely

# If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can

# Me and my monsters can. #

Eat your broccoli, Eddie.

'It's fair to say that me and the monsters made a successful team.

'I didn't even need to tell Norman to wait under my plate with a net.

'He'd just do it. And Fiend and Haggis were there to back him up.'

Why is Norman waiting under your plate with a fishing net, Eddie?

-Err.. Norman always does that.

-Yeah. It's a fashion accessory.

It's not a very good one.

Says someone wearing onion rings in her ears!

Thanks for your constructive input, now would you please go.

Absolutely. We'll be out here if you need us. OK? OK.

You meant the basement, right?

What does a man have to do to get some monster-free time?

At least the monsters do stuff together.

As it happens, we'll all be together this weekend.

-What? Will we?

-It's grandma's birthday tomorrow.

-We'll be staying there this weekend.

-Oh no, really?

-Well I can't. I've got plans.

-Me too.

-What are your plans?

-I wanted to go shopping.

-Not good enough. What are yours?

-I wanted to do nothing.

-That's not plans.

-I planned to do nothing.

You can't plan to do nothing. That means you haven't made any plans!

-Can we take the monsters with us.

-Of course not! She'd be terrified!

The monsters aren't ready to be left alone.

How did they cope before we moved in?

-KNOCKING

-Very badly, I presume.

They're ready!

Good evening. My name is Phillip Briggs from Super Safe Security.

Do you worry about the safety of your home? Of course.

Do you worry about burglars and intruders? Who wouldn't!

-Wait... Sorry, who are you?

-Phillip Briggs. Super Safe!

Three houses have been broken into in the street in the last two weeks.

Wouldn't you feel safer with a burglar alarm?

-We're fine, thanks.

-Three houses in two weeks?

That's right.

-Maybe we shouldn't be going away...

-Oh no you don't!

-You don't get out of it that easily.

-But if it's not safe!

-Could you install an alarm tomorrow?

-Madam, it would be my pleasure.

Have a look at the brochure. I recommend the supreme package.

Great value for money.

Blue sticker you can eat it, a red sticker, you can't.

Shouldn't the saucepan have a blue sticker?

-No. Why?

-No reason.

-Hup!

-Come away from there, Fiend!

What's a buggler?

Burglars sneak into people's houses and take their things.

That's a brilliant idea! We should be bugglers!

Burglars! And I'm not sure you'd be great at the sneaking part.

-We would! I am very sneaky!

-SMASHING

Sorry.

Shh! Whatever you do, don't leave the house while we're away.

Don't answer the door, don't answer the phone...

Don't answer anything!

Got it?

-You can answer that.

-Yeah, got it.

Loud and clear.

-All done!

-Eddie, we're going.

How does a buggler alarm work, do you think?

There must be someone living in there who's can spot bugglers.

Like a tiny little buggler detective.

-What a terrible job.

-You get to work from home.

See you, freaks. Make sure you don't go into my room.

I will turn you into sofa cushions, OK? I'm looking at you, Norman.

We'll be back Monday, is there any point asking you not to make a mess?

We both know the answer to that.

The alarm's set now, don't open the windows or doors.

In fact, don't open anything! OK?

-You can open your mouths.

-Got it.

-Right, let's go.

-Look after the house for us.

-Bye!

-Bye-bye.

-What do we do now?

-Whatever we want!

ALL: Yeah!

Ne-ne-ne-ne!

Ooh! Ha-a-ah!

LAUGHTER

Human thingy person.

Where are the flat food serving thingies?

Ba-beedle-mah-meh-ba-ba-beh-deh.

GRUMBLING

-Ha-ha! Ah!

-SQUIRTING

-Wah!

-SMASHING

-Ah-ha-ha-ha-hah!

-PHONE RINGS

Human doing thingy!

THE PHONE IS SHOUTING!

Ahh, ha-ha!

Aargh!

LAUGHTER

Whoops.

Haggis... Err...

Haggis, is that the cupboard door?

-I couldn't find the flat things.

-Fair enough.

Oh, where's Norman?

MUFFLED SHOUTING

SQUEALING

VACUUM CLEANER STOPS

I think you've probably tidied up enough for now, Norman.

Tidy up any more and the house will fall down.

Maybe we shouldn't do whatever we want.

NORMAN GURGLES

You're right. We need a system.

OK. From now on, I will be human dad thingy person.

Norman, you can be human mum thingy person.

That way, everything will be back to normal and nothing will be broken.

-What about me?

-You can be Eddie.

Oh! I'm Eddie! I get to play Eddie!

-Oh, Eddie!

-Erm... Yes, Dad?

-Tidy your room!

-What!

-And do your homework.

-But I want to watch TV!

-Get up those stairs, young man!

-HAGGIS WHIMPERS

Mum?

HAGGIS SOBS

You are the worst parents ever!

Mm-hmm?

Err, Kate... I've actually got quite a lot of work on myself.

Hmmph!

Someone has to put bread on this table! Humph!

NORMAN SNORES

Add to basket.

Add to basket! Ha-ha!

Ooh! I'll add that to basket!

Ho-ho!

I wonder what 'add to basket' means.

SNORING

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Shh!

-(Are you sure they're away?)

-(Positive.)

(I heard the whole thing. I phoned earlier and there was no answer.)

(Why are we whispering, then?)

I don't know.

Oh, look. Their burglar alarm didn't work!

LAUGHTER

-It wasn't this untidy earlier on.

-They're probably bad at packing.

Let's do a sweep of the place and clear out.

One of you two was creeping around last night,

taking things that aren't yours.

It wasn't me either.

I didn't take human man thingy person stuff.

Let's all just CALM DOWN, OK?

The human people probably won't even notice.

So maybe they will notice.

Ah!

Well done, Norm. The remote.

Maybe if we stare at where the TV was, it will still work.

This is really serious, guys.

When the human people come back, they'll be really shouty about this.

What are we going to do now?

There's no 'we' any more, Haggis.

Seeing as I can't trust either of you two,

I'm going to look after upstairs on behalf of the family.

Yes, you can look after the basement, Norm.

I don't want to go there anyway.

If that's the case, I'm going to look after the remote control.

Fine! I'm watching you.

-Fine!

-Dringle!

This'll be the perfect hideout.

Are you sure this is the best place to put all our stuff?

Of course. The cops will be sniffing around our place.

So, this is our new home.

Ah! I've always wanted a place like this.

I might change the decor, though.

It's only for a night, you numbskull.

The cops will never find us here.

Let's go and find the rest of the stuff, then we'll ditch the van.

-I heard you talking.

-It wasn't me, bogey breath.

You're not meant to be on my floor.

Norman?

-No coming upstairs, Norman!

-Beh? Gor binney.

-I heard talking!

-Le boh feh gon me!

Well alright. It probably wasn't you.

What's it like, guarding the basement, anyway?

NORMAN CHATS

Yeah. I'm bored, too.

Fancy a game of bogey ball?

HAGGIS SINGS

Hm? Wh- Oh, yeah! Guys! I've found all the stuff!

It was hiding in the sitting room all along.

So that's what 'add to basket' means.

You bought all this on the laptop computer?

-It really is a speedy service.

-VEHICLE PULLS UP

Vrrrrroom! Beep beep!

Car? What car?

The human type people aren't back 'til tomorrow.

Maybe they came back early because we were so bad.

Whoever it is, this doesn't look good. Hide!

(Are they bugglers?)

(It's hard to know what a buggler looks like.)

Oh. There's the laptop computer.

And human mum thingy person's jewellery.

Oh, look. It's the buggler alarm man.

What a great service.

When you're away from home, they come round and put things in it.

Hmm. I'm not sure. They look like bugglers to me.

These guys are putting things in.

Bugglers take things out.

Well, I'm not saying they're any good at it.

Weh? Boing ling do bepa.

Yes, of course.

If they are bugglers, the detective inside the buggler alarm will know!

Alright. I'm going to hit the sack.

Me too.

Hello-o? Anybody home?

Open it up.

No! It's his house! It's rude to enter without being invited.

Knock harder, then.

KNOCKING

-Ah!

-Woah!

Oh dear.

-Where's the alarm detective?

-I don't know.

There's nothing in there.

You're right. Do you know what this means?

-Eh?

-Neither do I.

But I think we should get back to the basement sharpish.

NORMAN HUMS

Ah! I've got it!

-Don't come near me or I'll get it.

-Listen. They are bugglers.

That's why there's no detective in the buggler alarm.

I hope they don't try and buggle us. I don't want to be buggled.

You're right, Norman. We should escape.

I'm going through that wall.

STOP!

This is ridiculous. We don't get scared.

We do the scaring.

What's changed?

Well, I... I suppose I have put on a little weight.

-That's not what I meant.

-Ahh mishe aving Normanee-he.

Norman's right.

Before the Carlsons moved in, we used to scare everyone away.

-We were experts at it.

-What are you saying?

I'm saying, my big-bodied, little-brained friend,

that we should give these bugglers a dose of monster treatment.

-Zing!

-NORMAN JABBERS

You're right, Norman. We should get the old team back together.

When we worked together, we were unstoppable.

Well, we were hard to stop. Well, you were hard to stop...

..when you were falling down the stairs!

LAUGHTER

I've really missed you guys.

Do you know, I had a row with a remote control.

It tried to be the boss of me.

No-one is the boss of you, Haggis.

Don't you let anyone tell you what to do. That's an order.

Yes, boss.

Norman! The old list! You kept it!

Oh, all the great monster scares!

-Nola zing-or.

-Ha-ha!

Oh! 517! The bogey poles.

LAUGHTER

-Hebbie yabbadie oh-eh doobey-go.

-Oh! 523!

-The fart bag!

-LAUGHTER

That used to take it out of me!

But you've got so much to give, Haggis!

HOWLING LAUGHTER

Right. Monsters. Action stations.

We shall fight them in the hallway, we shall fight them on the stairs.

We shall rid this house of this impending menace.

But first, a quick nap.

SNORING

Err... Wh-what? Who's there?

KNOCKING

Paul? Is that you?

-Is what me?

-The banging.

-I thought I heard a door slam.

-No. Was it you?

If it was me, why would I... Never mind.

What have you done with our stash?

-What? Eh? Where's all our stash gone?

-Didn't I just ask you that?

Oh yeah. Very funny, Paul(!)

-Where did you put it?

-What?

I haven't touched it. Do you think someone's nicked it?

Yes. I do think someone's nicked it - you!

You can't have moved it out of the house by yourself.

-Where have you hidden it?

-What are you talking about?

Don't get funny with me, wise guy.

I know you've hidden it, and I'm going to find it.

You're crazy, you are.

How do I know you haven't nicked it?

Maybe I should have a look round.

Ah. OK, fine.

We'll see who's crazy. Hm?

GHOSTLY HOWL

Rex?

Are you in there?

NORMAN SNEEZES

Hello? Is someone up here?

Yoo-hoo!

I'm warning you. You've got no idea who you're dealing with.

That makes two of us!

Oh. So you think you're scary, do you, Sonny Jim?

Well, you're not as scary as me.

-BOO!

-Aargh!

Ow! Oww!

BANG

Oof!

Rex?

What's going on?

Rex?

Woah! Aargh!

Help! Rex! Why are you doing this to me?

Fiend, will you do the honours?

With pleasure.

HAGGIS BREAKS WIND

Aah!

-Nice shot!

-Thanks. I practice a lot.

Eugh! Goo!

Eugh!

COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING

'They're hideous!'

Paul? Is that you? PAUL SCREAMS

Ahh!

NORMAN STARTS SNEEZING

No, no! Not again!

NORMAN SNEEZES

-Is there anyone in there?

-It's occupied.

Paul, if you're trying to spook me, it's not working.

Do you mind? I prefer to go alone, if it's all the same to you.

GURGLING What in the world?

Aah!

Seems like such a waste of top-quality bogey.

Better be worth it.

AAARGHH!

-Paul, is that you?

-NOW!

CRASHING

It has nothing to do with your mother, Kate.

We had to leave at 4:00am to beat traffic.

You have to help us. There's something evil in this house.

HELP ME!

Please, don't let it hurt us!

You can have your things back. I'm sorry. We shouldn't have taken them.

Please don't let it hurt us! REX SOBS

I WANT TO GO HOME!

I expected a mess but this is on a whole new level.

Nick, why is the burglar alarm man whimpering on the floor? Is he OK?

I don't think so. Probably best to call the police and a psychyatrist.

There's a demon in the house. It fires green slime.

Of course it does, sir.

The smell! Oh, the smell!

Is there a demon in the house?

-He means us.

-Am I a demon?

Of course not. Bugglers just don't know the right words for things.

I can't believe this exciting stuff happened the weekend I wasn't here!

Don't worry, Eddie! We can recreate the whole thing all over again.

-Now where's that bogey sling?

-BOTH: NO!

Oh. You're probably right.

We should wait a day or two so Haggis can replenish his supplies.

'We were all impressed with how they worked as a team

'and faced up to the burglars without us there.

'Although not as impressed as they were with themselves.'

Then I came bursting in and saw them and I said,

"No way I'm going to let bugglers get their hands on our stuff!"

So I went up to him and looked him in the eye...

-..and I KICKED HIS BUTT!

-While looking him in the eye?

Yes well, I'm very flexible.

Why has the cupboard door been taken off?

-Bugglers.

-The bugglers did that?

Why are some of the springs broken on the sofa?

Bugglers.

Yeah, the bugglers were jumping on the sofa.

Anything naughty, the bugglers did it.

And we did everything else!

You mean the slimy bogey fur and lingering ugly smell?

Please, don't mention it.

SCREAMS

Is there anything else we should know?

Norman! What have you done to my room?

Err... Beh, ha-ha...

Let me guess, bugglers?

Yeah. So, how was the weekend with your monster-in-law?

It was actually... What?

-What does that mean?

-Err... Yeah, sorry.

Clearly, she's not a monster.

Dad type human person never called her a monster. Ever.

(I think I got away with that one.)

I'd like to speak with you in the hallway, please.

Thanks a lot(!)

You're welcome!

We're really saving the day today, eh?

LAUGHTER

# Don't be sad and lonely If you need someone to hold your hand

# Me and my monsters can. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd