Out of the Woods Millie Inbetween

Ahhhh!

Argh!

Do that one more time and you'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Someone's in a holiday mood!

Yes, we're actually on holiday.

But that's not all. Check this out.

-I'm going to get you!

-Lovely day.

-Yeah!

Everyone's here, thanks to me.

See, when you've got two families, the school holidays are tricky.

I thought we agreed - I have them at the end of the week.

Yeah, but those are the only sunny days. I'll flip you for it.

-Right, right.

-HE SIGHS

-BOTH:

-Heads! Tails!

And I hate being half here, half there, like a yo-yo.

So, this year, I persuaded everyone to come on holiday together.

And so far, it's all gone really well.

Let's hope it stays like that all week.

No signal! How is this even a holiday? I hate camping.

Jake, careful.

-Get back here, Jake. Jake!

-Oi, just stop.

-Give that back, mate.

As if.

So I know what you're wondering.

How did I talk everyone

into going camping together?

Well, it was easy. Everyone fell in love with the idea.

-BOTH: Camping?!

-Ahhh, camping!

Did you ever see that picture of me in front of the tent?

What, this one? Of little Mum?

Ahhh!

I'd love to go.

I just never thought you two were interested.

We're not.

What? Me and Dad are ace at camping, aren't we?

Yeah, we just, like, live off the fat of the land.

Yes, as long as that land has a supermarket and a decent deli.

Do you know what? I don't think I would mind.

Yeah, I mean, Fran and Jake, maybe,

but Tony and Amber might be a bit, you know...

Well, to be honest,

Dad would be worried you'd go all Bear Grylls on him

and he couldn't cut it.

Oh, would he? Bless! See, I do know my bushcraft,

but maybe I can help in a way that wasn't that obvious.

-I don't think you'd get Tony and Amber to agree to it.

-Good point.

Leave that with me.

BOTH: Camping?

All together? I'm not sure your mum would agree to that, love.

-Well, actually, she already has.

-Has she?

Can we stay up in each other's tents and talk all night?

-Yes, and yeah.

-Wicked!

Sorry, camping in the woods camping?

We don't have the equipment for something like that.

What? We've got gazillions of camping stuff.

Dad, it'll be really cheap.

Well, that's true, but with Mike,

won't it all be a bit, you know...?

Well, Mike did mention that he was a bit worried,

with all the stuff Mum told him about your grilling skills.

He's not sure he'll measure up.

Oh, well, he needn't worry.

I mean, I'm all right, but I wouldn't rub it in.

Can we? Please?

Ah, why not, eh? What's the worst that could happen?

-Yes!

-I'll tell Mum, then!

And that was it.

With a bit more back and forth, and some crazy demands from Lauren -

a full-length mirror and Wi-Fi.

But this could be the start of something amazing.

Who wants to look for owl droppings?

I can barely contain my enthusiasm(!)

The kids are fine.

It's the adults that haven't mixed much.

But thanks to me, the dads are trying.

-See, mate, this is not too hard.

-No, you're doing great, mate.

Just move back there so I can get in this...

It's all right, mate. I've done that loads of times.

It's all right, don't worry about it.

Anyone could have left a guy rope there.

Hey, Dad, let's get this baby up.

My dad's very fussy about the tent.

No, I'm not, as long as it stays up, eh, Tony?!

What?

Look, we've got this. Why don't you just go and have fun?

-Oh, you've got this?

-TENT PEGS CLANK

All right.

Nice one, Dad.

Craig... Aren't you and your dad going to show us how it's done?

No. Cos he's busy, isn't he?

Right...

-Taking no chances, eh?

-Well, I can't afford to.

This thing comes down in the night, you don't know what's out there.

Well, just trees and things.

-Are you not worried you're going to stand in something?

-Oh, no.

When I was eight, I just used to run around barefoot without a care.

Right.

-You seem very prepared.

-I am.

And I've got another coat for soft hail, so...

I just thought you were all, you know, cool, whatever.

-Well...

-Arrgghh!

That's it, I'm bored, there's no Wi-Fi, no phone signal.

I just don't know why I bother.

BIRD CAWS

Hey, what are you doing? Can I help?

I'm collecting wood.

On my own.

Your dad's too busy, huh? That happens...

You don't know what you're on about.

-You have no idea.

-But I thought we were all bruvs.

That was last week. OK?

-OK.

-Good.

Are they woodlice?

Ahh! Ahh! Jake, seriously, man, get them off.

Get... Get them off now! Jake, get...

They're off! They're off!

Whatever.

I'm not scared of bugs.

Listen, don't tell anyone about this? All right?

Hey, Millie! Cute boy scan?

-What's that?

-We do this while we're on holiday.

I scan for cute boys

and I take Millie with me to make it less obvious.

Well, we're looking for a different kind of wildlife right now.

Boring.

It's not boring.

-Check this out.

-What's that?

It's a bat detector.

It makes it so you can actually hear bat calls.

-Oh, my days. You talk to bats?

-No. That's not what I...

Whatever, Bat Girl. Coming, Millie?

I'm just going to do this with Fran.

Right. That's fine. I'll just go by myself, then.

This could be awkward.

Before, it was just me and Lauren, so we had to do everything together.

Now Fran's in the mix as well, but there's only one of me.

-Ah, just bung them on, shall we?

-Yeah, go on.

Whoa! We're so on this. We should have our own crew!

We could be the Burger Boys. Or the Grill Guys.

-With a zed.

-With a zee.

-You're on fire.

-Right back atcha, pal!

No, really.

Oh! Nice save!

You, er, started without me.

Hey, Craig, do you want to join our gang? We're the Grill Guyz!

With a zee!

I don't join gangs with lame names...

with a zee.

All right, mate.

You go off and hang out with the other kids, then, yeah?

I have to let him do his own thing.

Doesn't want to be stuck with his old man all the time.

Aye. Maybe.

Oh, Millie! Remember that camping holiday in Anglesey?

When we nicked Mum's clothes when she was in the shower cubicle?

Yeah, and do you remember what kept us sane when it poured all week?

-Yoghurt wars!

-LAUREN GIGGLES

I snuck a couple of pots from home. They're in the tent. Let's go!

Look, this is something that me and Millie do,

and I don't have enough yoghurt.

-Were they sold out of stuck-up meanie flavour?

-Huh!

You should go find Jake. I think he needs a little playmate.

Hi. Had a lovely paddle.

Shh! Do you think it's going to rain?

I think it's going to rain, or even soft hail.

Do you know what I think would feel really lovely, Amber?

Just get the rubber boots off and get a little nature on skin.

My skin doesn't do nature, so...

Oh, nonsense. Come on.

-Well...

-I thought you went to festivals.

Well, I do, but it's different, isn't it?

You know, there's people and vans selling Thai noodles.

-You know, I had some lovely camping trips as a girl.

-Yeah...

Oh...

Come on. That's it.

Come and get it.

Oh, burgers! Come on, Amber, hurry up.

Oi, careful.

-There you go.

-Guess what, everyone.

Craig's afraid of bugs.

No, I am not. Shut up, Jake.

And I found a pet spider.

Say hello to Awesome Dave.

-Get away from me! Get away from me!

-Oh, no!

Five second rule.

Uh, Lauren. Have a burger, love.

-Has this been on the ground? BOTH:

-No.

-Wow, Craig. Top wood collecting.

-Hey, hey, let's build a campfire.

Nah, you're the Grill Guyz. Get your own wood from the...woods.

What are you doing with this, then?

I, Millie, happen to be making my own campfire.

-Two campfires?

-Two fires works for me.

Then I won't have Bat Girl here in my face.

-Suits me, too!

-Fran, hang on.

-Girls!

-Lauren, wait!

Hey, Craig... Can I be at your campfire?

Not after that spider stunt.

Fine. I don't want to be at your rotten campfire anyway.

Agh! Boy, I did not see that coming.

The grown-ups are fine. It's the kids who are out of order.

This is just not working.

And two campfires is a bad idea.

Because then this happens.

Just think about how peaceful it is out here.

How there's no-one else around for miles.

Yeah. And no-one can hear us scream.

I'm so bored. There's no phone signal here.

Yeah, I'm with you. I mean, mine died hours ago.

I'm going to get Mum to take me home first thing tomorrow.

Sweet! I'll work on my dad.

Craig, where are all the marshmallows?

-Jake, mate, you just ate them.

-No, we didn't.

Hey, come on, everyone, let's sing the old favourite.

# Row, row, row your boat

-# Gently down the stream

-Row, row, row your boat

-# Gently down the stream

-Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

-# Life is but a dream

-Row, row, row your boat... #

Hey, Laurs, remember singing this in the car?

# Row, row, row your boat! #

Look, where are you sleeping tonight?

With Fran.

I just reckon if you hang out with Fran too long,

you're going to end up liking owl droppings.

-So you should be in a tent with me, your sister.

-Oh!

Well, why don't I spend half the night in each tent?

I'll set an alarm and change over at 1am, yeah?

OK, just try not to wake me up.

Unbelievable!

Millie, we saved you a marshmallow.

Even though we're meant to be all together,

I'm still half here, half there.

OWL HOOTS

She's a bad influence. Looking for boys?

What would you do if you found some?

What would anyone do? Giggle and run away.

I wanted to come on this holiday with everyone so we could hang out.

I mean, what kind of person brings a bat detector?

One who likes bats?

No, Millie, I mean, she is a bad influence on you.

You're already too geeky.

SHE SNIFFS

What's that smell? Is that your coat?

Oh, when we were looking for wildlife, we found a dead squirrel.

Oh, that's so gross.

-POP! AIR HISSES

-What's that noise?

I think I just punctured my airbed.

I can't believe this.

Stop whining. Do you want me to sleep on the floor?

Honestly? Yes.

RINGING

Is that your phone? Do you have a signal? Give it to me!

No! It's my bat detector.

There must be bats right outside.

FLAPPING AND SQUEAKING

SHE GASPS

This could be a long night.

-SQUEAKING

-Tony, did you hear that?

What kind of vicious animal makes a noise like that?

-Tony!

-SQUEAKING

SHE SIGHS

Oh! Hi, Millie.

Come to join me for an early morning paddle?

No, I'm getting away from stereo snoring.

Me, Fran and Lauren in the one tent.

Ah, I've got to hand it to you.

It was a great idea coming here.

No, it wasn't. Everyone's fighting.

This isn't what I wanted.

Do you remember that rainy caravan holiday,

when someone took my clothes from the shower cubicle?

Hm. We never did find out who.

I kept you two busy by asking who could find the most shells.

I kept score. You were on the beach for days.

And off my back.

A competition. Mum, that's a great idea.

Worked like a charm.

Until you nearly got cut off by the tide

and we had to drop everything and pull you in.

I know you took my clothes.

You can't prove anything.

OK, folks, it's been fun,

but I've got no phone signal and my airbed has deflated

and I'm just going to say what everyone is thinking -

let's go home.

Yes! Out of the woods.

Yeah, cos, like, this just really isn't happening.

OK. But before that, we could all go on a nice, long woodland trek?

-No way.

-How's that going to help?

I was thinking girls v boys - a competition.

It's two miles to the waterfall.

We take a selfie and see who makes it back first.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mills. I don't think anyone's up for it.

Besides, what's the point, eh? Obvious what would happen.

Oh, yeah? Why's that?

Well, we'd be back ages before you. We've clearly got the winning team.

Er, excuse me?

You bunch of losers wouldn't stand a chance against us.

-Oh, we'll win. So easily.

-This coming from someone

who couldn't find the head hole in his jumper.

The waterfall?

You guys wouldn't even know how to get back from a water tap.

Oh, OK!

Well, you guys go that way and we will go this way.

I feel like a thousand mossy eyes are watching us.

SNAP!

So what did happen to you?

No, we're there!

I know what I'm doing, because I've done the Highland Challenge, OK?

Look, I do have the T-shirt.

Very stylish, but that's not where we are.

This is a bit more complicated than rummaging about in owl poo, OK?

Cos you're so smart(!)

You're the one that killed your airbed with nail scissors.

Why did I even come on this stupid holiday?

Good question.

I'm just going to scout out over here, just check it out a little.

Yeah, whatever.

Don't give me all that attitude all the time.

I'm not giving you the attitude. You're giving me attitude.

No, I'm the one in charge, because I did the Highland Challenge.

-It's definitely there.

-Aye, you could go there, pal.

But I think you'll find it's much quicker if you go that way.

-You've done surprisingly well, but just let me handle this.

-Dad...

-Whoa, whoa!

-Dad!

-I've done surprisingly well?

No, YOU'VE done surprisingly well.

Dad, how about I climb that tree just to get a better look?

-Craig, just give us a minute, yeah?

-Fine!

Well, you know what?

I'm going to climb that tree anyway, just to get away from you two.

-Craig! Craig!

-No, forget it.

Craig, if you fall down and break both your legs,

don't you come running to me!

-You put up the tent without me.

-Now, Craig, get down.

-You started the barbecue without me.

-Craig... Come on, mate!

You and Tony are the Grill Guyz. You sort it out.

-Craig, Craig! Is that an ant's nest up there?

-Where?!

Got ya!

Jake, don't do that!

My granny, she could have been an actress.

When she told me stories -

Hansel And Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood - you were there.

I don't know what she was thinking. I was only six.

Oh, come on, Amber, was it really that...?

"You stole my Gingerbread House, I'm going to eat you!"

Oh... Wow.

Ever since then, I just...

-I don't do deep, dark, creepy woods.

-Well, you need to face your fears.

Easy for you to say.

Well, we should obviously go west. That's where the waterfall is.

Yeah, I know, but west is that way - look.

Whoa! The map is my job. Can you not...?

Stop!

Now look what you've made me do. That's so typical of you.

-It was your fault.

-Oh! It was not my fault.

Don't worry. I'm not really lost.

I just couldn't take it any more.

So much for Mum's shell-collecting competition.

But maybe if the tide comes and cuts me off, they'll all pull together.

And just so I don't get really lost,

I've been leaving a trail of biscuit crumbs.

Clever, eh?

Well, not if I eat them all first.

BIRD CAWS

That is it! These woods are off-the-scale creepy.

-PHONE BEEPS

-Oh, I just got a text from Millie.

"I'm a little bit lost. Can you come and find me?

"My phone's about to run out. Don't worry. M."

-Millie's lost!

-What? I thought she was just behind us.

Um... OK.

So, we're here.

No, Fran. We're here.

Oh! Right!

-So we've been walking...

-West.

So, Millie must be in this bit here.

-Right, who's got a phone signal to call Tony?

-One bar.

-Right.

She's what?

Aye, well, don't worry. She'll be fine.

Guys, Millie's lost.

Right, abandon trek. We've got to find her.

-Millie's lost!

-Craig, we need you, pal.

Uhhhh... Oh!

Finally! I do have some expert tracking skills. With an S.

Right, we spread out, but still keep line of sight,

and walk slowly, calling out.

Wow!

I've watched a lot of cop shows.

Time to go to work, boys. Follow me.

Millie! Millie!

It's been ages and they still haven't found me yet.

Well, I guess that plan's failed, too.

I'll give them a call.

Oh. It's died.

It's OK. Don't panic.

All I have to do is follow the trail of crumbs.

They've all gone.

Which way did I come from?

Oh, no! This serves me right.

Now I've gone from being fake lost to...to really lost.

Millie!

Millie!

Millie!

I hope she didn't go off because of us.

Well, you are pretty weird.

And you may need her more than you think.

Millie! What are you on about?

-I guess I do, too.

-Millie!

It's just...when we used to go on holiday together,

she'd kind of just tag around with me.

-Millie!

-And now she's got Bat Girl as well.

I get it.

Sorry.

It's OK.

I can always just make your life hell at school.

-Millie!

-Millie!

Millie!

Millie!

Millie!

Millie!

Craig, there's a massive spiderweb right in front of you.

-Can we just hold the line?

-Craig, seriously.

I said, hold the line! Millie...

Millie!

I miss everyone.

I even miss their stupid bickering.

What if I never see them again?

Stop it. I have got to get a grip.

SHE SIGHS

# Row, row, row your boat

# Gently down the stream... #

Millie!

Millie!

-Millie!

-Mills!

-Millie! Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Lauren!

-Dad!

-Any sign of her yet?

-Not yet, no.

Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Wait. Shut up!

-Millie!

I said shut up.

Nah, thought I heard something. I guess not.

-# Row, row, row your boat... #

-No, wait!

You're right. I hear it, too. Come on, this way.

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

ALL: Millie!

# ..Life is but a dream... #

-Millie!

-Millie!

# Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

# Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream... #

Ah, Millie! Mills!

-Ohh!

-Oh, Millie!

Are you OK?

-Oh, you rescued me! You all came to find me.

-Of course we did!

It was a team effort, Millie, but I have to say, led by moi.

They were hopelessly lost. We had to find them first!

We found you!

I heard you first.

Hey, I thought I was missing a sister.

Yeah. She's my sister, too.

-And mine.

-Make that mine an' all.

Right!

Shall we head back to camp,

or just stand round waiting for the wicked wolf to catch us?

Come on, let's go. EXCITED CHATTER

HE MOUTHS

LAUGHTER

So then I laid out a trail of biscuit crumbs, but it disappeared.

Course they did. The birds ate them. Have you not read Hansel And Gretel?

Easy, now!

Nice fire, son.

So you and Lauren are going on a cute boy scan in the morning

and I've got you for the afternoon.

I've got a line on a woodpecker!

We're staying all week?

Why, have you got something else to do?

You ate all the marshmallows again!

You snooze, you lose, little man.

You're not sleeping in my bed again tonight.

And who are you, the Bat Princess?

OK, OK. Er...

# Row, row, row your boat... #

ALL: No!

All right, what about this one, then?

HE STRUMS A TUNE

They're still bickering.

But maybe that's what real families do.

And maybe...

Maybe we're a real family.

And look at this - we're all round the same campfire.

Who wants to meet Eddie the Awesome Earwig?

ALL: Jake!