Out of the Woods Millie Inbetween


Out of the Woods

Comedy drama series. It's half term and Millie persuades both sides of the family to go on a joint camping holiday.


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Transcript


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Ahhhh!

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Argh!

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Do that one more time and you'll be sleeping with the fishes.

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Someone's in a holiday mood!

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Yes, we're actually on holiday.

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But that's not all. Check this out.

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-I'm going to get you!

-Lovely day.

-Yeah!

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Everyone's here, thanks to me.

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See, when you've got two families, the school holidays are tricky.

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I thought we agreed - I have them at the end of the week.

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Yeah, but those are the only sunny days. I'll flip you for it.

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-Right, right.

-HE SIGHS

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-BOTH:

-Heads! Tails!

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And I hate being half here, half there, like a yo-yo.

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So, this year, I persuaded everyone to come on holiday together.

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And so far, it's all gone really well.

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Let's hope it stays like that all week.

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No signal! How is this even a holiday? I hate camping.

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Jake, careful.

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-Get back here, Jake. Jake!

-Oi, just stop.

-Give that back, mate.

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As if.

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So I know what you're wondering.

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How did I talk everyone

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into going camping together?

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Well, it was easy. Everyone fell in love with the idea.

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-BOTH: Camping?!

-Ahhh, camping!

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Did you ever see that picture of me in front of the tent?

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What, this one? Of little Mum?

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Ahhh!

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I'd love to go.

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I just never thought you two were interested.

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We're not.

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What? Me and Dad are ace at camping, aren't we?

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Yeah, we just, like, live off the fat of the land.

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Yes, as long as that land has a supermarket and a decent deli.

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Do you know what? I don't think I would mind.

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Yeah, I mean, Fran and Jake, maybe,

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but Tony and Amber might be a bit, you know...

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Well, to be honest,

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Dad would be worried you'd go all Bear Grylls on him

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and he couldn't cut it.

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Oh, would he? Bless! See, I do know my bushcraft,

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but maybe I can help in a way that wasn't that obvious.

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-I don't think you'd get Tony and Amber to agree to it.

-Good point.

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Leave that with me.

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BOTH: Camping?

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All together? I'm not sure your mum would agree to that, love.

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-Well, actually, she already has.

-Has she?

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Can we stay up in each other's tents and talk all night?

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-Yes, and yeah.

-Wicked!

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Sorry, camping in the woods camping?

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We don't have the equipment for something like that.

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What? We've got gazillions of camping stuff.

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Dad, it'll be really cheap.

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Well, that's true, but with Mike,

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won't it all be a bit, you know...?

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Well, Mike did mention that he was a bit worried,

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with all the stuff Mum told him about your grilling skills.

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He's not sure he'll measure up.

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Oh, well, he needn't worry.

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I mean, I'm all right, but I wouldn't rub it in.

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Can we? Please?

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Ah, why not, eh? What's the worst that could happen?

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-Yes!

-I'll tell Mum, then!

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And that was it.

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With a bit more back and forth, and some crazy demands from Lauren -

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a full-length mirror and Wi-Fi.

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But this could be the start of something amazing.

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Who wants to look for owl droppings?

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I can barely contain my enthusiasm(!)

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The kids are fine.

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It's the adults that haven't mixed much.

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But thanks to me, the dads are trying.

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-See, mate, this is not too hard.

-No, you're doing great, mate.

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Just move back there so I can get in this...

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It's all right, mate. I've done that loads of times.

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It's all right, don't worry about it.

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Anyone could have left a guy rope there.

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Hey, Dad, let's get this baby up.

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My dad's very fussy about the tent.

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No, I'm not, as long as it stays up, eh, Tony?!

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What?

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Look, we've got this. Why don't you just go and have fun?

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-Oh, you've got this?

-TENT PEGS CLANK

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All right.

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Nice one, Dad.

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Craig... Aren't you and your dad going to show us how it's done?

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No. Cos he's busy, isn't he?

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Right...

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-Taking no chances, eh?

-Well, I can't afford to.

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This thing comes down in the night, you don't know what's out there.

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Well, just trees and things.

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-Are you not worried you're going to stand in something?

-Oh, no.

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When I was eight, I just used to run around barefoot without a care.

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Right.

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-You seem very prepared.

-I am.

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And I've got another coat for soft hail, so...

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I just thought you were all, you know, cool, whatever.

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-Well...

-Arrgghh!

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That's it, I'm bored, there's no Wi-Fi, no phone signal.

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I just don't know why I bother.

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BIRD CAWS

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Hey, what are you doing? Can I help?

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I'm collecting wood.

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On my own.

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Your dad's too busy, huh? That happens...

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You don't know what you're on about.

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-You have no idea.

-But I thought we were all bruvs.

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That was last week. OK?

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-OK.

-Good.

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Are they woodlice?

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Ahh! Ahh! Jake, seriously, man, get them off.

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Get... Get them off now! Jake, get...

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They're off! They're off!

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Whatever.

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I'm not scared of bugs.

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Listen, don't tell anyone about this? All right?

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Hey, Millie! Cute boy scan?

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-What's that?

-We do this while we're on holiday.

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I scan for cute boys

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and I take Millie with me to make it less obvious.

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Well, we're looking for a different kind of wildlife right now.

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Boring.

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It's not boring.

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-Check this out.

-What's that?

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It's a bat detector.

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It makes it so you can actually hear bat calls.

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-Oh, my days. You talk to bats?

-No. That's not what I...

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Whatever, Bat Girl. Coming, Millie?

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I'm just going to do this with Fran.

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Right. That's fine. I'll just go by myself, then.

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This could be awkward.

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Before, it was just me and Lauren, so we had to do everything together.

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Now Fran's in the mix as well, but there's only one of me.

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-Ah, just bung them on, shall we?

-Yeah, go on.

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Whoa! We're so on this. We should have our own crew!

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We could be the Burger Boys. Or the Grill Guys.

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-With a zed.

-With a zee.

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-You're on fire.

-Right back atcha, pal!

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No, really.

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Oh! Nice save!

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You, er, started without me.

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Hey, Craig, do you want to join our gang? We're the Grill Guyz!

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With a zee!

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I don't join gangs with lame names...

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with a zee.

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All right, mate.

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You go off and hang out with the other kids, then, yeah?

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I have to let him do his own thing.

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Doesn't want to be stuck with his old man all the time.

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Aye. Maybe.

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Oh, Millie! Remember that camping holiday in Anglesey?

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When we nicked Mum's clothes when she was in the shower cubicle?

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Yeah, and do you remember what kept us sane when it poured all week?

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-Yoghurt wars!

-LAUREN GIGGLES

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I snuck a couple of pots from home. They're in the tent. Let's go!

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Look, this is something that me and Millie do,

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and I don't have enough yoghurt.

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-Were they sold out of stuck-up meanie flavour?

-Huh!

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You should go find Jake. I think he needs a little playmate.

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Hi. Had a lovely paddle.

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Shh! Do you think it's going to rain?

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I think it's going to rain, or even soft hail.

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Do you know what I think would feel really lovely, Amber?

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Just get the rubber boots off and get a little nature on skin.

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My skin doesn't do nature, so...

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Oh, nonsense. Come on.

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-Well...

-I thought you went to festivals.

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Well, I do, but it's different, isn't it?

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You know, there's people and vans selling Thai noodles.

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-You know, I had some lovely camping trips as a girl.

-Yeah...

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Oh...

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Come on. That's it.

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Come and get it.

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Oh, burgers! Come on, Amber, hurry up.

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Oi, careful.

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-There you go.

-Guess what, everyone.

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Craig's afraid of bugs.

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No, I am not. Shut up, Jake.

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And I found a pet spider.

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Say hello to Awesome Dave.

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-Get away from me! Get away from me!

-Oh, no!

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Five second rule.

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Uh, Lauren. Have a burger, love.

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-Has this been on the ground? BOTH:

-No.

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-Wow, Craig. Top wood collecting.

-Hey, hey, let's build a campfire.

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Nah, you're the Grill Guyz. Get your own wood from the...woods.

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What are you doing with this, then?

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I, Millie, happen to be making my own campfire.

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-Two campfires?

-Two fires works for me.

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Then I won't have Bat Girl here in my face.

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-Suits me, too!

-Fran, hang on.

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-Girls!

-Lauren, wait!

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Hey, Craig... Can I be at your campfire?

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Not after that spider stunt.

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Fine. I don't want to be at your rotten campfire anyway.

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Agh! Boy, I did not see that coming.

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The grown-ups are fine. It's the kids who are out of order.

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This is just not working.

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And two campfires is a bad idea.

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Because then this happens.

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Just think about how peaceful it is out here.

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How there's no-one else around for miles.

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Yeah. And no-one can hear us scream.

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I'm so bored. There's no phone signal here.

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Yeah, I'm with you. I mean, mine died hours ago.

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I'm going to get Mum to take me home first thing tomorrow.

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Sweet! I'll work on my dad.

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Craig, where are all the marshmallows?

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-Jake, mate, you just ate them.

-No, we didn't.

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Hey, come on, everyone, let's sing the old favourite.

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# Row, row, row your boat

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-# Gently down the stream

-Row, row, row your boat

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-# Gently down the stream

-Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

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-# Life is but a dream

-Row, row, row your boat... #

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Hey, Laurs, remember singing this in the car?

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# Row, row, row your boat! #

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Look, where are you sleeping tonight?

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With Fran.

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I just reckon if you hang out with Fran too long,

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you're going to end up liking owl droppings.

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-So you should be in a tent with me, your sister.

-Oh!

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Well, why don't I spend half the night in each tent?

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I'll set an alarm and change over at 1am, yeah?

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OK, just try not to wake me up.

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Unbelievable!

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Millie, we saved you a marshmallow.

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Even though we're meant to be all together,

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I'm still half here, half there.

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OWL HOOTS

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She's a bad influence. Looking for boys?

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What would you do if you found some?

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What would anyone do? Giggle and run away.

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I wanted to come on this holiday with everyone so we could hang out.

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I mean, what kind of person brings a bat detector?

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One who likes bats?

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No, Millie, I mean, she is a bad influence on you.

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You're already too geeky.

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SHE SNIFFS

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What's that smell? Is that your coat?

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Oh, when we were looking for wildlife, we found a dead squirrel.

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Oh, that's so gross.

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-POP! AIR HISSES

-What's that noise?

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I think I just punctured my airbed.

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I can't believe this.

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Stop whining. Do you want me to sleep on the floor?

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Honestly? Yes.

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RINGING

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Is that your phone? Do you have a signal? Give it to me!

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No! It's my bat detector.

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There must be bats right outside.

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FLAPPING AND SQUEAKING

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SHE GASPS

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This could be a long night.

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-SQUEAKING

-Tony, did you hear that?

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What kind of vicious animal makes a noise like that?

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-Tony!

-SQUEAKING

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SHE SIGHS

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Oh! Hi, Millie.

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Come to join me for an early morning paddle?

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No, I'm getting away from stereo snoring.

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Me, Fran and Lauren in the one tent.

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Ah, I've got to hand it to you.

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It was a great idea coming here.

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No, it wasn't. Everyone's fighting.

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This isn't what I wanted.

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Do you remember that rainy caravan holiday,

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when someone took my clothes from the shower cubicle?

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Hm. We never did find out who.

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I kept you two busy by asking who could find the most shells.

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I kept score. You were on the beach for days.

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And off my back.

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A competition. Mum, that's a great idea.

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Worked like a charm.

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Until you nearly got cut off by the tide

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and we had to drop everything and pull you in.

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I know you took my clothes.

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You can't prove anything.

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OK, folks, it's been fun,

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but I've got no phone signal and my airbed has deflated

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and I'm just going to say what everyone is thinking -

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let's go home.

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Yes! Out of the woods.

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Yeah, cos, like, this just really isn't happening.

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OK. But before that, we could all go on a nice, long woodland trek?

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-No way.

-How's that going to help?

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I was thinking girls v boys - a competition.

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It's two miles to the waterfall.

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We take a selfie and see who makes it back first.

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Oh, I'm sorry, Mills. I don't think anyone's up for it.

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Besides, what's the point, eh? Obvious what would happen.

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Oh, yeah? Why's that?

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Well, we'd be back ages before you. We've clearly got the winning team.

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Er, excuse me?

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You bunch of losers wouldn't stand a chance against us.

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-Oh, we'll win. So easily.

-This coming from someone

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who couldn't find the head hole in his jumper.

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The waterfall?

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You guys wouldn't even know how to get back from a water tap.

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Oh, OK!

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Well, you guys go that way and we will go this way.

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I feel like a thousand mossy eyes are watching us.

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SNAP!

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So what did happen to you?

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No, we're there!

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I know what I'm doing, because I've done the Highland Challenge, OK?

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Look, I do have the T-shirt.

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Very stylish, but that's not where we are.

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This is a bit more complicated than rummaging about in owl poo, OK?

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Cos you're so smart(!)

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You're the one that killed your airbed with nail scissors.

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Why did I even come on this stupid holiday?

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Good question.

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I'm just going to scout out over here, just check it out a little.

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Yeah, whatever.

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Don't give me all that attitude all the time.

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I'm not giving you the attitude. You're giving me attitude.

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No, I'm the one in charge, because I did the Highland Challenge.

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-It's definitely there.

-Aye, you could go there, pal.

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But I think you'll find it's much quicker if you go that way.

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-You've done surprisingly well, but just let me handle this.

-Dad...

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-Whoa, whoa!

-Dad!

-I've done surprisingly well?

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No, YOU'VE done surprisingly well.

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Dad, how about I climb that tree just to get a better look?

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-Craig, just give us a minute, yeah?

-Fine!

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Well, you know what?

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I'm going to climb that tree anyway, just to get away from you two.

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-Craig! Craig!

-No, forget it.

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Craig, if you fall down and break both your legs,

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don't you come running to me!

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-You put up the tent without me.

-Now, Craig, get down.

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-You started the barbecue without me.

-Craig... Come on, mate!

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You and Tony are the Grill Guyz. You sort it out.

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-Craig, Craig! Is that an ant's nest up there?

-Where?!

0:17:420:17:45

Got ya!

0:17:470:17:49

Jake, don't do that!

0:17:490:17:50

My granny, she could have been an actress.

0:17:520:17:55

When she told me stories -

0:17:550:17:56

Hansel And Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood - you were there.

0:17:560:17:59

I don't know what she was thinking. I was only six.

0:17:590:18:02

Oh, come on, Amber, was it really that...?

0:18:020:18:04

"You stole my Gingerbread House, I'm going to eat you!"

0:18:040:18:07

Oh... Wow.

0:18:070:18:09

Ever since then, I just...

0:18:100:18:12

-I don't do deep, dark, creepy woods.

-Well, you need to face your fears.

0:18:120:18:16

Easy for you to say.

0:18:160:18:18

Well, we should obviously go west. That's where the waterfall is.

0:18:200:18:23

Yeah, I know, but west is that way - look.

0:18:230:18:26

Whoa! The map is my job. Can you not...?

0:18:260:18:29

Stop!

0:18:290:18:30

Now look what you've made me do. That's so typical of you.

0:18:310:18:34

-It was your fault.

-Oh! It was not my fault.

0:18:340:18:37

Don't worry. I'm not really lost.

0:18:410:18:44

I just couldn't take it any more.

0:18:440:18:46

So much for Mum's shell-collecting competition.

0:18:460:18:49

But maybe if the tide comes and cuts me off, they'll all pull together.

0:18:490:18:54

And just so I don't get really lost,

0:18:540:18:57

I've been leaving a trail of biscuit crumbs.

0:18:570:18:59

Clever, eh?

0:18:590:19:01

Well, not if I eat them all first.

0:19:040:19:07

BIRD CAWS

0:19:120:19:14

That is it! These woods are off-the-scale creepy.

0:19:140:19:17

-PHONE BEEPS

-Oh, I just got a text from Millie.

0:19:170:19:21

"I'm a little bit lost. Can you come and find me?

0:19:210:19:23

"My phone's about to run out. Don't worry. M."

0:19:230:19:26

-Millie's lost!

-What? I thought she was just behind us.

0:19:260:19:29

Um... OK.

0:19:290:19:31

So, we're here.

0:19:310:19:34

No, Fran. We're here.

0:19:340:19:37

Oh! Right!

0:19:370:19:38

-So we've been walking...

-West.

0:19:400:19:43

So, Millie must be in this bit here.

0:19:430:19:45

-Right, who's got a phone signal to call Tony?

-One bar.

-Right.

0:19:450:19:48

She's what?

0:19:480:19:50

Aye, well, don't worry. She'll be fine.

0:19:500:19:53

Guys, Millie's lost.

0:19:530:19:56

Right, abandon trek. We've got to find her.

0:19:560:19:58

-Millie's lost!

-Craig, we need you, pal.

0:19:580:20:02

Uhhhh... Oh!

0:20:020:20:05

Finally! I do have some expert tracking skills. With an S.

0:20:050:20:10

Right, we spread out, but still keep line of sight,

0:20:100:20:12

and walk slowly, calling out.

0:20:120:20:14

Wow!

0:20:150:20:17

I've watched a lot of cop shows.

0:20:170:20:19

Time to go to work, boys. Follow me.

0:20:190:20:21

Millie! Millie!

0:20:230:20:27

It's been ages and they still haven't found me yet.

0:20:280:20:32

Well, I guess that plan's failed, too.

0:20:320:20:35

I'll give them a call.

0:20:350:20:37

Oh. It's died.

0:20:370:20:39

It's OK. Don't panic.

0:20:410:20:43

All I have to do is follow the trail of crumbs.

0:20:430:20:46

They've all gone.

0:20:500:20:52

Which way did I come from?

0:20:540:20:56

Oh, no! This serves me right.

0:21:000:21:03

Now I've gone from being fake lost to...to really lost.

0:21:030:21:09

Millie!

0:21:090:21:10

Millie!

0:21:100:21:11

Millie!

0:21:110:21:13

I hope she didn't go off because of us.

0:21:130:21:15

Well, you are pretty weird.

0:21:150:21:18

And you may need her more than you think.

0:21:180:21:20

Millie! What are you on about?

0:21:200:21:22

-I guess I do, too.

-Millie!

0:21:220:21:25

It's just...when we used to go on holiday together,

0:21:250:21:28

she'd kind of just tag around with me.

0:21:280:21:30

-Millie!

-And now she's got Bat Girl as well.

0:21:300:21:32

I get it.

0:21:340:21:35

Sorry.

0:21:370:21:38

It's OK.

0:21:380:21:40

I can always just make your life hell at school.

0:21:400:21:43

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:21:460:21:49

Millie!

0:21:490:21:51

Millie!

0:21:510:21:53

Millie!

0:21:530:21:55

Millie!

0:21:550:21:56

Craig, there's a massive spiderweb right in front of you.

0:21:560:21:59

-Can we just hold the line?

-Craig, seriously.

0:21:590:22:02

I said, hold the line! Millie...

0:22:020:22:04

Millie!

0:22:070:22:08

I miss everyone.

0:22:120:22:14

I even miss their stupid bickering.

0:22:140:22:17

What if I never see them again?

0:22:170:22:18

Stop it. I have got to get a grip.

0:22:200:22:23

SHE SIGHS

0:22:230:22:24

# Row, row, row your boat

0:22:240:22:27

# Gently down the stream... #

0:22:270:22:29

Millie!

0:22:290:22:31

Millie!

0:22:310:22:33

-Millie!

-Mills!

0:22:330:22:35

-Millie! Millie!

-Millie!

0:22:350:22:38

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:22:380:22:39

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:22:390:22:41

-Lauren!

-Dad!

0:22:410:22:43

-Any sign of her yet?

-Not yet, no.

0:22:430:22:45

Millie!

0:22:450:22:46

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:22:460:22:48

-Wait. Shut up!

-Millie!

0:22:480:22:49

I said shut up.

0:22:490:22:51

Nah, thought I heard something. I guess not.

0:22:540:22:59

-# Row, row, row your boat... #

-No, wait!

0:22:590:23:01

You're right. I hear it, too. Come on, this way.

0:23:010:23:04

-Millie!

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:23:050:23:07

ALL: Millie!

0:23:070:23:09

# ..Life is but a dream... #

0:23:090:23:12

-Millie!

-Millie!

0:23:120:23:13

# Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

0:23:130:23:18

# Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream... #

0:23:180:23:22

Ah, Millie! Mills!

0:23:220:23:24

-Ohh!

-Oh, Millie!

0:23:240:23:27

Are you OK?

0:23:270:23:28

-Oh, you rescued me! You all came to find me.

-Of course we did!

0:23:280:23:32

It was a team effort, Millie, but I have to say, led by moi.

0:23:320:23:36

They were hopelessly lost. We had to find them first!

0:23:360:23:39

We found you!

0:23:390:23:41

I heard you first.

0:23:430:23:45

Hey, I thought I was missing a sister.

0:23:450:23:48

Yeah. She's my sister, too.

0:23:480:23:50

-And mine.

-Make that mine an' all.

0:23:500:23:52

Right!

0:23:520:23:53

Shall we head back to camp,

0:23:530:23:55

or just stand round waiting for the wicked wolf to catch us?

0:23:550:23:57

Come on, let's go. EXCITED CHATTER

0:23:570:24:00

HE MOUTHS

0:24:000:24:02

LAUGHTER

0:24:050:24:07

So then I laid out a trail of biscuit crumbs, but it disappeared.

0:24:070:24:11

Course they did. The birds ate them. Have you not read Hansel And Gretel?

0:24:110:24:14

Easy, now!

0:24:140:24:16

Nice fire, son.

0:24:180:24:19

So you and Lauren are going on a cute boy scan in the morning

0:24:190:24:23

and I've got you for the afternoon.

0:24:230:24:24

I've got a line on a woodpecker!

0:24:240:24:26

We're staying all week?

0:24:260:24:28

Why, have you got something else to do?

0:24:280:24:30

You ate all the marshmallows again!

0:24:300:24:33

You snooze, you lose, little man.

0:24:330:24:35

You're not sleeping in my bed again tonight.

0:24:350:24:37

And who are you, the Bat Princess?

0:24:370:24:39

OK, OK. Er...

0:24:390:24:42

# Row, row, row your boat... #

0:24:420:24:44

ALL: No!

0:24:440:24:46

All right, what about this one, then?

0:24:460:24:48

HE STRUMS A TUNE

0:24:480:24:49

They're still bickering.

0:24:540:24:56

But maybe that's what real families do.

0:24:560:24:59

And maybe...

0:24:590:25:02

Maybe we're a real family.

0:25:020:25:05

And look at this - we're all round the same campfire.

0:25:050:25:09

Who wants to meet Eddie the Awesome Earwig?

0:25:090:25:11

ALL: Jake!

0:25:110:25:13

It's half term and Millie persuades both sides of the family to go on a joint camping holiday. She's worried that sparks will fly among the adults - but they get on fine, and instead, it's the kids who fall out. Trying to keep the two factions happy means she's Millie Inbetween yet again. When her plan for a boys-versus-girls woodland trek fails to unite them, she decides to stage being lost in the woods, so they'll work together to find her. It's the perfect plan - until she realises she really is lost.


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