Fools Rush In Millie Inbetween

-Oh, no!

-KNOCKS AT DOOR

Dad. we're two-nil down at half time!

Good. Listen mate,

I've made my mind up about Sharon.

Ah!

You mean you're going to ask her to cook less veggie stuff?

-Nice one.

-No, no, no. Um...

What would you think if I asked her to marry me?

Whoa!

Dad, are you serious?

Ta-dah!

Don't know! Dad, that's huge!

You, getting married...

again?

Well, mate... I thought you'd be happy for me.

No, sure - I am, I am, I am. Yay!

Nice one, son! Yay.

I'm going to pick my time, and then I'm going to pop the question.

So, don't say anything to Millie or Lauren - OK?

Your hopefully soon-to-be-stepsisters!

Wow!

You are looking gorgeous today!

Really?

Someone's in a good mood!

It's sweet - they've been getting on really well lately.

TEXT ALERT

Look who's just sent me a "before and after" of his tea.

He is one of my mates from the bus.

I'm really nice to him - in my own way...

Lucas? Where's your lunch?

You took it!

Me? We don't have it. Do we, Fran?

OK, so...

..maybe I do have a tiny crush on him.

Not even a crush - more of a squeeze, really.

And I'm not going to do anything about it.

Lucas is just one of my good mates,

and that's the way it's going to stay.

What?!

Mike, proposing? Are you serious?!

Now look what you made me do!

Just keep your voice down, will you? I'm not supposed to tell anyone.

Hang on... This is a prank, isn't it? And you made me mess this up!

-Hand - give it to me!

-He told me to my face!

This is NOT, I repeat, NOT a prank!

-No! Too unbelievable.

-OK, fine. Fine, fine!

Lauren, don't believe me, just go and find him

and tell me he's not acting super weird.

THUNDER

What a beautiful day!

-It's raining.

-Is it? I hadn't noticed.

With you, the sun is always shining!

Are you after something, Mike?

No, no. I've got everything I need right here.

I'll see you later, gorgeous.

Don't go changing - unless it's for dinner!

What has gotten into you?

Nothing! Nothing at all. Whoo!

It's all true.

-No way!

-Shh!

I've seen him myself, he's acting like a big puppy.

He's lost the plot.

He's only gone and bought her this massive diamond ring.

And he's booked out a whole restaurant

and he's going to get down on his knees

and a violinist is going to play Mum's favourite song.

I Love Rock And Roll?

Whatever. Isn't it romantic?

No! It is a disaster!

I mean, I'm going to have you two for stepsisters!

Wait. And you're going to be our stepbrother?

Isn't it, you know, a good thing?

Two people in love, getting married.

And a thousand romcoms cannot be wrong.

For a start, there isn't just two people here,

there's at least...nine.

And what about our dad?

-Yeah, and my mum.

-And most importantly, us.

-Things won't change that much, will they?

-Yes!

It's like the difference between being in prison

and knowing you're going to get out,

and being in prison for life.

Wow! I pity your future girlfriend.

Right, we need a plan.

Oh, no, guys! This is where we're meant to live happily ever after -

the end.

This one has "Do Not Touch" written all over it!

I'm right, aren't I?

It's nice that Mike wants to tie the knot and become Mr Mum.

So, why am I feeling a bit weird about it?

Cos I'm overthinking, as usual.

Anyway, it's not like anything's actually happened yet.

TEXT ALERT

OK...

It has now.

I've just been asked out on a date!

OK, so we need to stall them - but how?

OK, so you know how he's got to get her in the right mood...

And if he can't get her in the right mood, then he can't ask her.

Right, we're the Mood Busters!

I think Lucas might have asked me out on a date.

What makes you think it's a date?

Well, it could just be a friend meeting a friend,

with no other friends, and milkshakes involved?

-Yes, I knew it! My plan worked.

-Wait...

Did you tell Lucas that I had a crush on him?

You kept going on about it, so I thought I'd give you a helping hand.

I didn't mean for you to go blabbing to him.

-It's OK, he asked you out.

-But that's not the point!

Then what is the point?

That I trusted you and you let me down.

Hey, look at all this fancy grub -

you think Dad's cooking dinner?

No big posh restaurant after all!

He's gone for home-ground advantage.

-It's brilliant.

-Right, this is it.

-Who you going to call?

-Mood Busters!

-Having another look, are we?

-Dad! Er...

Beautiful, isn't it? See how she sparkles?

Yeah. Sweet.

Look, Dad, um...

I don't know, have you thought maybe you're rushing things?

No, I don't think so.

Flowers, dinner, pudding - and then I'm going to pop the question.

We're all a bit nervous, but fingers crossed, eh?

Hey-ey - I'll put it back - and don't touch it again.

It's bad luck, apparently.

Oh. I never knew that.

Nice one, son. Thanks for looking out for me.

-Yes?

-YORKSHIRE ACCENT: Ey-up, me duck, I've come to read your meter.

Tony? Oh, please...

I'm giving Shadow Ears some tips on being an international spy!

Who's Shadow Ears?

-Oh, that's my spy name.

-Oh!

So, keep your Shadow Ears open, and make notes, but in code.

Ooh, I know, you should do it on Fran, she'll never guess!

OK, Fran, can you come in here for a sec?

Ey-up, me duck. I've come to read your meter.

Tony. Why are you wearing that stupid disguise?

-OK, tea's nearly ready.

-I'm not hungry.

-What's gotten into her?

-DOOR SHUTS

Ooh! Double chin prop. What's the matter?

If you must know, it's Fran.

She set me up on a date.

On a date? With a boy?

No, with a dolphin.

Wow. Why didn't you ask for my help sooner?

I'm not asking for your help now!

Come on, then. Let me see. Come on!

Ha-ha! Lucas? That little Twiglet?

Well, what did you say back? Nothing?

I don't know what to say.

LAUREN TYPES

"Go out with you, loser? ROFL."

How could you send that to him?

-So he knows you're not a pushover. So, do you like him?

-Well...

TEXT ALERT

"OK, don't worry about it. L."

Well, it doesn't matter now, does it?

Lucky you came to me.

"Shame - you got nice eyes."

Now he won't know what to think!

Exactly! That's the point - keep them guessing!

Now I'm beginning to see why you HAVEN'T had a boyfriend.

Well, you're no fun. OK, fine.

"C U tomo, don't be late."

-What have you done? You said yes?

-No, YOU said yes.

How could you do this to me?

It's only a milkshake. Relax!

-And you're welcome!

-TEXT ALERT

"Great! C U then."

I guess...it's on.

-Ta-dah!

-Oh, Mike!

This looks amazing!

What's the big occasion?

-It's your birthday - and I forgot?

-No.

-Er... Anniversary of when we first met?

-No.

Girlfriend's Day?

Can't I pamper you without it being a special occasion?

Aw! Ooh, I'm starving.

GRUNGY ROCK PLAYS

Sorry. I must have picked up Craig's one by mistake.

FAINT LAUGHTER

Operation Mood Busters is go!

I saved you some tea.

I told you I didn't want any.

What's wrong, eh?

I haven't seen you this grumpy since you slept on Jake's gum.

-It's Millie. She's mad at me.

-What about?

All I did was...

That's why she's mad at me - for blabbing.

Well, it's not really blabbing if you just tell your mum. Is it?

Well... OK.

So, there's this guy that Millie likes, Lucas -

and I told him that Millie had a crush on him...

Oh, that was lovely. I'm stuffed.

Did you know, gibbons mate for life?

Gibbons?

See, I never thought I'd find my gibbon, Sharon -

and then I saw you.

I've got something for you.

It's all right, I really am full.

Mum, Craig's hogging the shower!

You're the one who spends hours in there just staring at the mirror.

-I'm surprised that thing doesn't crack.

-(Don't overdo it.)

Right, well, at least I don't pick my toes

and leave bits of them on the mat! You're so gross!

-Craig's out, so shower's free!

-Actually, no. The drain's blocked.

Really?

BRB, gorgeous.

Mum, Mike's going to ask you a question.

He does seem to be working up to something.

He wants to ask you if you can sell the house

and move onto a canal boat.

Does he?

Look, he's even got a thing.

Now, I personally am worried about the water rats, you know?

They spread disease.

Right! Shower's fixed, so...

Ugh.

Now, what was I saying?

Er, how you thought you'd found your gibbon?

Sharon, I want to ask you something...

Mike, I know what you're going to say.

And yes, it's a really romantic idea,

but it's just not very practical with children.

And anyway, I get seasick.

-Do you?

-I guess I'd just always be worried about us sinking. OK?

Mum! The rubbish bin stinks!

Come on, Dad - footy's on!

I'll clear up. Mike, can you take out the rubbish for me?

What? Yeah, all right.

It's not like I had anything else to do...

RIP, CLANG

Oh, Mike!

I'm sorry, sorry.

The bag just ripped.

Sharon, I was going to ask you to marry me!

Marry you?

Oh, Mike!

SHE SQUEALS

Mike just asked me to marry him!

Great!

Yeah, nice one. Sweet.

I had no idea.

What else were we going to say?

They were looking at us like a pair of baby seals!

And it IS romantic.

So, why don't I feel quite right about it?

I have got to get a grip.

-Hi!

-Oh, hi - Lucas! I'm looking forward to my milkshake.

I sort of half know what flavour I'm getting,

but I haven't totally decided yet.

-OK, see you then.

-Cool!

Could I have literally sounded any stupider?

Who chooses their milkshake in advance?

-ALL:

-# Millie and Lucas! Millie and Lucas!

# Millie and Lucas! #

LAUGHTER

Did you tell anyone else?

-What? No!

-Oh, sure! Like you didn't tell Lucas.

Why should I even care if you go on a date or not?

Shadow Ears strikes!

Isn't it beautiful?

My theme is "Wedding of the Sea".

We can have the ceremony on the beach, under a living willow arch!

But what about the limo, and the disco, and the big white dress?

No, I wasn't picturing that kind of ceremony.

What, a wedding?

And I thought we could all wear flower garlands,

and write our own vows!

I vow not to wear a flower garland!

Well, we haven't even set a date yet, Mike.

We don't need to sort all this out now...

No, of course not, I was just throwing out some ideas.

-Ooh, I've done some sketches for the kids' outfits...

-Oh, lovely!

It's like he wants to hammer us together until we all fit.

You tell your mum yet?

Yeah. She was a bit upset, actually.

She's not found anyone else. Not like your dad.

Have you told him?

Whoa. Getting married?

That's wonderful.

Tell Shaz I'm really happy for her.

-It's so sudden, though.

-I remember when I asked your mum.

It was in the plumber's merchants!

Wow! You are like Mr Romance(!)

I gave her a brass washer for a ring.

Ah, we were so young.

I suppose I should have looked before I leapt.

Don't know why I was in such a hurry.

That's what I think about them now.

Except... I wouldn't have you two.

Hey, you won't forget about me, will you, if you have a proper stepdad?

Dad! Of course not.

Our group's started a chat about us. TEXT ALERT

"Why didn't Lucas tell me, he's my BFF? Ollie."

Honestly!

M-Y-O-B! Millie.

TEXT ALERT

Now they've renamed the chat to "Millie thinks she's it"!

Hey. Everything sorted with Millie?

No. It's worse.

She thinks I told everybody else.

And now the whole group's losing the plot.

I could talk to her if you like, or I could get Tony to?

No! Mum, seriously, do you know how shaming that would be?

Mega-shaming?

Giga-shaming.

Now, don't panic.

It's just a concept.

Do you mind if I take a picture?

Yes! Yes, I mind if you take a photo! Dad, I look like an idiot!

CAMERA CLICKS

-Ribbons? Ribbons, Dad? Seriously?

-Mate.

I'm going to ask you a question -

will you be my best man?

No.

-Not afterwards, I won't.

-What do you mean?

Dad, you're getting married,

which means I'm no longer your number one.

-That's not the way to look at it.

-No? Then what is?

Not that you're losing your dad,

but that you're gaining a mum and new sisters.

I've already got a mum. And I don't need new sisters.

This just makes it for good, doesn't it?

Well, yeah, I mean, that IS the idea!

Yeah. Your idea.

Look, I hear what you're saying, son. You don't like the outfit.

Well, we'll make it less poncho, more cape.

Craig?

Craig!

Well, this is it! Date City!

But it's no big deal.

It is only a milkshake with my good old pal Lucas!

DOORBELL RINGS

Hello!

He's combed his hair! With gel!

I am out of here!

Oh, are you going on a date?

Does he want to come in - have some cake?

No, no, no, Mum. We'd best get going.

Milkshake will be starting soon. Bye!

Have a lovely time!

Ooh! Nice hair!

Hope Jake likes my new eyebrows.

-Is Fran OK?

-Friendship issues.

She doesn't really want me to say,

but Millie's going on this date later on this afternoon...

-Ah, no, no, no, no, no. There must be a mix-up.

-What?

Millie's far too young to be thinking about boys.

Well, she's meeting one for a milkshake this afternoon.

And she thinks that Fran spilled the beans.

-What, and she didn't?

-No. Fran wouldn't do that.

There must be a spy in the house...

BOTH: Shadow Ears!

-So, do we tell Millie?

-No, no, no.

This sort of thing, it's best not to interfere.

Yeah, you're probably right.

-So, this date's today?

-Mm-hmm...

-At the, er...

-Shopping mall, at Shake It Up.

Ah, Shake It Up, aye, hmm, hmm.

Everything OK?

Tell Mike I am not wearing a tail!

You'd make quite a splash, though.

-No, all right, it looks silly.

-Thank you.

We're thinking of an all-seafood menu.

-I hate fish. It's so fishy.

-We can sneak a burger in!

We're trying to make a guest list.

I see Dad's not on it.

Well, I can't invite my ex-husband, can I?

See, this is where it gets weird,

cos Mike is going to be my stepdad,

but I've already got a dad,

and will he be cool with that?

Cos I really don't want him to sort of...drift away.

That's NOT going to happen.

Fine. As long as you've thought it through.

Hiya!

Oh, you're back early? How did the date go?

Fine!

That was a disaster.

I couldn't think of one interesting thing to say.

I actually talked about my glasses.

And Lucas...

Well, normally, I can't shut him up.

But it was like his hair gel affected his brain,

or glued his mouth shut.

One thing, though -

now I realise why I feel so weird about Mum and Mike.

A thousand romcoms CAN be wrong.

Oh!

Millie texted me.

Tony, what have you done?

-Your dad followed you?

-Yeah. In disguise!

-That is appalling.

-So was his disguise!

And that was the least embarrassing thing.

Lucas - he spilled milkshake all down his front.

Oh, dear. Didn't that break the ice?

No! Normally, I'd just call him a loser or punch him.

But today, it made it worse.

Our group's all stressed about it.

I guess I wasn't thinking about how the people around me felt...

It's easy to do.

And it was all fine before. Why did we have to change everything?

That's true.

Mum, you do realise I'm not just talking about my date?

What do you mean?

I mean...the wedding.

I think you should look before you leap.

Oh, that's silly. It's not the same thing.

If it's not broken, maybe you shouldn't fix it?

Anyway, I just thought you should know. That's all.

Where did Dad even get that wig?

How did he even find out?

-I didn't tell him about your date, if that's what you mean.

-I know.

Dad told me it was Jake who spilled the beans to everyone.

You hear that, Shadow Ears? You're going to get it!

I'm sorry for being so horrible.

It's OK. I'm sorry I told Lucas.

I was super mean and ignored you.

You want to go to the movies tomorrow?

Nah. I'm a bit busy.

Oh. OK...

Jokes!

No! This is Lucas's stop!

-Lucas! Over here!

-No, no! Fran, stop, what are you doing?

You two are going to be friends and forget this ever happened.

Now, we're all going to get chips after school.

You guys coming?

Well...

Yeah, as long as your freaky dad's not going to be there!

-Take that back!

-In your dreams!

-Loser!

-Weirdo!

Thank you. Get in!

I've got some fire dancers!

Yay(!)

-Ah! What's that for?

-Oh - RILY.

-I Really Love You.

-Mum, it's ILY, not RILY.

Yeah - ILY too!

Yeah, hi there, do you rent out swans by the hour?

And I've got a proposal.

I propose that we...

put this off for a bit.

What?

I do want to marry you, Mike. It's just, not yet.

I think the kids are right - I think it's too soon.

Whoa.

You're actually listening to us for once.

We all want this to work out.

But Mum's right.

So, I vote wait.

Me too.

Me three.

But I gave you a ring.

And we've told everyone.

I've made plans.

I've got paper lanterns to blow out to sea!

Have you been to a beach around here?

We'll be lucky if we don't all get blown out to sea.

Yeah, I suppose I did go a bit overboard.

I wasn't thinking about everyone, and you tried to warn me, mate.

But you are right.

We are all in this together,

so I accept your proposal.

Thank you.

And I am going to keep this ring.

We can be engaged...to be engaged.

So, the wedding's on hold.

Craig escapes the outfit of doom

and Lauren doesn't have to wear a tail!

Which is a shame, really, but you can't have everything.

When will they decide it's back on?

Hopefully, when I go on my second date -

which definitely won't be anytime soon!