Brothers in Arms Millie Inbetween

-Oh, hey, Dad!

-Taa-daa! New cushion design - what do you think?

Cool, Dad, and I was thinking,

we could make the website a little bit more like a supermarket...

-Yeah, hold that thought, mate.

-Isn't the yellow a bit too yellowy?

Nah, it's, it's fine.

Yeah, thanks - I'll tell Sharon.

Cool, Dad, and what about my idea with...?

Pass the Wheaty Flakes.

These Wheaty Flakes?

Yes, Craig - those Wheaty Flakes!

Done me.

Well - that came out of nowhere.

But you've got to hand it to Craig -

he does take selfish to a whole new level.

Still, he has given me an idea for my homework.

Oh, great!

So, you like the new idea for the website, then?

Lauren finally remembered to bring her trainers home.

Oh, why don't we give her a medal(?)

Don't know why I bother.

TURNS UP MUSIC

-Craig!

-Craig!

-TURNS OFF MUSIC

-Craig?

Oh! I'm doing my ICT homework.

I've decided I'm going to make a spreadsheet

on Craig's most annoying habits.

But I'm running out of room.

Look at all these - there are hundreds.

Ahh! That dress is SO me!

How much is it?

-BOTH:

-Aagghhh!

I want to be in a magazine.

You? On the cover of a magazine?

I don't want to be a model. I mean, I know I've got the looks,

but you can only eat, like, one cracker a week, it's ridiculous.

I want to be...

-Here! Stylist, editor!

-In your dreams!

-Do you not think that I could do it?

-No, no, sure - of course.

Deluded.

So, she's in Fantasy Land, Craig's on Planet Selfish,

I'm the only one who's living in the real world!

As usual.

Right, so, the list of Craig's worst habits.

Let's see - well, there's "never washing up"...

Do you think for once you could take your dishes downstairs, please?

I haven't got a full bed yet.

"An incredibly bad loser"...

I'm going to send Craig all the way back to the start!

-You didn't see that coming!

-I'm going to get him on the next go!

Actually, I've had enough now.

Craig!

And "picking his nose at the table".

Actually, no-one should see that - eugh!

You think I've missed anything?

"Coming into our room uninvited",

"coming into our room at all",

"being rude", "being gross" and "being Craig".

It's worse than I thought.

Hey, gorgeous! Moving day! How's it going?

Really, really well! Yeah!

Where am I going to put everything?

No-o-o! I got caught by the tractor beam again!

Er, Jake's gone over his screen time.

No-o-o!

I was about to destroy the alien mothership

with my intergalactic apples!

Easy, Jake - any more than

20 minutes on that game and you go bananas.

Any more chaos right now is going to tip me over the edge, OK?

Look - all your electrician jobs are listed here.

Addresses, times.

I've basically computerised all your job appointments.

You're welcome(!)

Oh, thanks - it's very useful.

-What are you doing?

-Just writing down a few details.

But it's all there - on the computer!

Aye, I know, but you know where you are with a post-it.

Yeah, stuck in the 20th century!

You can upgrade everything except the user.

"The awful music",

"wearing body spray that attracts nothing but insects"...

What's that?

I'm making a list on how Craig's so...unique.

I think Craig's wicked!

"I'm Craig, innit."

"Taking stuff without asking", "raiding the fridge",

"eating everything in sight"...

And he's all alone at Mum's while we're all jammed in here together.

Well, I wish I lived with him, instead of a bunch of girls!

Offence taken!

"Offence taken!"

Now, that is not a bad idea.

It's time Craig found out what it's actually like to have

to share with someone else,

someone nearly as messy and annoying as him!

Oi!

Jake!

Jake!

Hi, Dad.

We're going over to Mum's, get out of your hair.

That's fine! We're OK.

Argh!

Tool box!

I'm OK!

MILLIE: Hello?

Whassup?

Millie, get rid of him.

Is that any way to talk about the kid you're baby-sitting?

-What?

-You don't mind, do you, mate?

It's just the girls want to do something girlie together.

And I was just telling your dad that it would be great for Jake

to have another guy to hang around with,

you know, almost like a big brother.

Ah, you could take him under your wing while I shoot into town.

He's a very giving person.

£10 an hour.

What?

This would mean so much to Jake.

Oh, all right. Thanks a lot - pal!

Hah! Bye, Millie!

He is SO going to earn that money!

Oi!

Oh! They want to feature my cushions in Stitch and Sew!

How great is that?

Wow! Stitch and So-What?

That's that big hobby magazine, isn't it?

Did you just say magazine?

They want some photos. We'll have to do a shoot!

A photo shoot?

Yeah, they want some action, cushion, fashion pictures.

I've got some great ideas - I can pretend to eat one of the cushions.

Because they're so lifelike, they make you super healthy!

OK, thanks for the input, Mike, but this is MY area.

You know about photo shoots?

Yeah. Photos are just like selfies, but the camera's turned round.

-Of course we'll help.

-Did I even ask?

Personal assistant?

That's you!

Do I have to?

It's a very important job.

OK! What do I have to do, then?

First up - make me a latte, and then keep up, we've got work to do.

OK!

Wow! I still can't believe you've got your own room with no girls!

You've got so many games!

Old, old, old... What's this?

That's Mr Big Fly. You can put him down.

Oh - look what I've got.

Is that a toy car? Amazing!

Whoa! You've got a real drum!

Yeah, yeah, Jake, don't touch that, mate!

Who'd have thought I'd enjoy hearing Craig's drums so much?

Now he's getting a crash course from Jake

in living with someone annoying.

If we do this right,

today's Stitch and Sew could be tomorrow's...

Tea Cosy World?

I was thinking "S 'n' S" - or just "Snaz"!

She really has lost it.

And you two can be my models!

I know, right? But I do like a challenge.

And apparently, I like an insult!

Jake!

-Body spray!

-Oh, put it down!

Mmm - now I smell cool. Hah!

Smell cool, smell cool, smell cool, smell cool, smell cool, smell cool,

smell cool smell cool, smell cool, smell cool, smell cool, smell cool.

Oh, just stop!

Look...

..I've had enough, Jake.

Huh.

And stop with the grunting!

Just leave me and my stuff alone, OK, and get lost.

Sorry, Craig.

OK, just activating a digital information transfer...

Oh - my computer's playing up.

There we go - that's great, I'll see you then. Thank you, bye.

My post-its are losing their stick, must be all the dust.

Get you, Mr Organised! What are the yellow ones?

-Electrical jobs.

-Orange?

-House things.

-Blue?

Stuff I can't be bothered to do!

Yeah. Who needs hi tech, eh?

And it hardly takes up any room!

I'm just going to go and get the last box.

Agggh!

Mmm - nice! Can I keep it?

No.

I'm starting to think Lauren COULD run a magazine,

or even a small country - she's bossy enough!

Hi, girls - how you doing?

You ready to come and do a few snaps?

Something that says "snuggly"!

Mum, please - why can't you leave it to me?

All right. But soon, eh?

Is that your look?

No. These are my clothes and I like them.

Well, you're the only one who does. Come on!

No!

Oh, Jake - just sit there.

Mum says I get over-excited.

It's just, I don't have a brother or anyone.

But what about your dad?

Yeah, he's great, but I don't see him much.

I get it.

Surrounded by girls all the time,

hogging the limelight...

You know, we gotta make ourselves heard, man.

Huh.

Hmm.

But listen, if you want to borrow my gear,

that's cool, you just... You need to ask, all right?

But you don't. You get to take stuff without asking.

It says so on Millie's list.

List?

What list?

There. You look good.

I look like you!

Exactly. What do you think, Fransistant?

She looks good, Editor.

OK, I'm going to leave you two here in Fantasy Land

and go and check on the boys, cos it is way too quiet!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We need to practise.

What? Holding cushions?

There's holding, and holding right.

OK, now to go sort out the props.

-BOTH:

-Props?

Wait, right, Jake, you're telling me

that Millie has made a list of all the things that make me "unique"?

Yeah. All the cool stuff you do.

Like helping yourself to anything that you want,

not helping with the washing up...

Oh - and burping.

-Burping?

-Yeah.

-Right - is that it?

-No.

The list is really long - so you must be really unique.

Oh, I am. It's true - I've got swag, Jake.

But for some reason, I don't think that's why Millie wrote the list.

Oh, and she also said, "You should try living with him."

And I am.

Right. Yeah, and now I'm beginning to realise

why I've been stuck with baby-sitting.

What shall we do next?

Scooch up.

-You say you want to be like me?

-Huh.

Well, I reckon that you should try everything on that list.

-Can I really?

-Yeah, sure. Why not?

Is there anything else on the list?

Oh - raiding the fridge and eating everything in sight!

This is the thing that adults don't understand.

When a teenage guy needs to eat, he needs to eat.

But I'm not a teenager.

Ah, but to grow into one, you need to eat.

-Ooh, cupcakes!

-Hey, hey!

-Perfect! I'll take those.

You can have them back after the shoot.

-Can I have one now?

-No!

You see, that's the thing about girls, right?

They act like you don't exist.

But we have a fridge.

One for you, one for me.

Sick!

Know what? I want to do everything on the list.

Yeah? What else is there?

Being rude,

entering Millie's room uninvited,

leaving a mess pretty much everywhere you go...

Walk with me.

Now, I reckon we could save a bit of time and combine all three.

Are you allowed to do that?

Mate, it's on Millie's list, right?

That is, if you want to be unique?

Like moi?

Oui!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yes, Mrs Laker, let me just bring up your details.

Laker...

The computer would make things a lot easier.

Just checking - that's L-A-K-E-R?

It's crashed!

Can you just hold a minute, please, Mrs Laker?

Um, um, er...

-Ah! There we go!

-'Can you hear me? Hello?'

'Hello? Hello? Are you still there?'

I think you might have fallen in the box, Mrs Laker!

So, it's really OK if I mess up this room?

Mate, look, I didn't write the list, but if Millie says

it's something I do, then I reckon we should show her how it's done.

Hmm.

OK.

Ha!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Respect for the books!

Yeah - rock and roll, rock and roll!

Right...

Let's go, let's go. Let's go...

JAKE CHUCKLES

OK, OK, back to the Craigster's room.

Um, er, I'll race you there, man!

Oh! Look at this place!

It's trashed!

Oh, no! Lauren's top!

-What's the Editor going to say?

-Would you stop calling her that?

Little rat - he is so dead!

He can't have done all this by himself.

And that smell...

-LAUREN:

-Fransistant!

Um, you try and stall her.

She'll go ballistic if she sees her top!

Editor! Maybe I should get you a latte or a fruity frappe?

How long does it take you two...?

You seem tense. You should take a power nap.

What's that smell?

Aromatherapy?

What have you two done in here?

What are you hiding?

Argh! That's my best top!

It wasn't us!

We saw Jake leaving, but Craig must have put him up to it.

Well, it was your idea to put them together,

how did you ever think that was going to work?

-It was part of my plan.

-I should have known.

Listen. I thought Jake would drive Craig mad.

But instead, they've ganged up on us!

Well, like all your plans, it's a total fail -

and I have to bail you out!

-No, but...

-Stop! What are we going to do? Ideas, ideas!

-I have an...

-Not you!

I have a thought - but, no, it's too horrible.

Horrible is good.

Well, there's this one thing that really makes Jake lose it.

What's that?

This computer game. Freaks Versus Aliens.

He can only play it for 20 minutes. After that - boom!

Hello, Jake.

I didn't do it!

Do what?

-Um...

-I think you should stay out of trouble.

-Don't you agree?

-Yeah.

Though Craig does have this great computer game he'd love to show you.

You've got Freaks Versus Aliens? Can I have a go?

Yeah - knock yourself out.

Oh - can you tell me when 20 minutes is up?

What? Why?

Oh, cos that's my time limit, that's all I'm allowed.

Hey, mate! You've got to man up!

You going to let people tell you how long you can play for?

Or are you going to get it done?

Get it done!

Like this! No - like this!

-Here we go!

-Stand up straight.

They will look snuggly, though, won't they?

Don't worry. They'll have the snuggle factor.

OK, where's Farmer Giles?

-Do you like my outfit?

-What about a plaid shirt? Jokes!

OK, people, let's go. Props, props, props!

Smile!

OK, if we could all take a NATURAL smile, please?

I want your face to hurt that you're smiling so much.

How long do you think Jake's been playing the game for?

About 15 minutes.

Give him another five minutes - Craig won't know what hit him!

Look natural!

And that's a wrap, everybody!

They're so cheesy!

I know what I'm doing.

Well, I suppose we could send them away and see what they say.

Trust me - this is going to work.

With my intergalactic apples,

I'll blast you all!

No-o-o!

Oh, the space tractor beam got me again!

I hate losing!

-I'll destroy everything!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Jake!

What are you doing, man? Don't get mad - get even!

But it's impossible!

No, it's not. I'll help ya.

Will you?

What's a big brother for?

Right.

OK, that right there isn't the mother ship, that's just a decoy.

What?

Yeah, man, the real one's in the Nebular Cluster.

On it.

And that, my son, is how it's done!

We did it! Yes! Yes!

I've been waiting to do that forever!

You're the coolest!

Sorry.

Nice one, bruv.

Oh, no, not another one?

No, it's just a box of my junk - stuff I don't need any more.

Unless...

No. I think that can go!

And I've finally embraced technology. I'm using the computer.

Oh, great! Welcome to the 21st century!

Er, only to hold down the post-it notes so they don't blow away again.

And we're back in the Stone Age.

Still, it's a start.

You're so dead!

What happened in there?

You've been playing for over an hour - why aren't you going mad?

Craig helped me.

I was stuck in this one bit, and it was driving me crazy

and he showed me how to do it.

Oh - he show you how to do all this as well?

No, we were doing things off your list.

You told him about that?

Yeah - we're bruvs. Huh.

Yeah? Well, you're going to clean everything in here up, mister.

With your bare hands - and maybe even your tongue.

What do you want?

I know you told Jake to trash our room.

No, he was following a list of teenage bad boy stuff.

You were the baby-sitter!

Look, I think whoever gave him those ideas, they're the ones responsible.

Maybe they didn't think

anyone would be dumb enough to act like that.

Well, maybe it's not so dumb, not from Jake's point of view, anyway.

What do you mean?

He's sick of being around girls who get all the attention all the time.

Maybe he needs to make himself heard a little more.

Maybe he's even got some good ideas.

Maybe we're talking about you here?

Don't know what you're on about.

OK. I guess the list was a bit mean.

But I was impressed with how you got on with Jake.

Well, pay me £10 an hour, I'll get on with anyone.

Stitch and Sew's come out!

Oh, wow!

Oh, that's what I call a centre page spread!

Don't my cushions look fab?

And check out my dungarees! I mean, great picture.

When you see it all on the page, it just looks perfect!

Told you so. My first ever photo shoot, and it's in a magazine!

And your supermarket look for the website, Craig, is fantastic.

TEXT ALERT

Oh, it's Jake.

Ah, he wants some tips from the master.

'Scuse me, guys.

I'm done with my Craig spreadsheet,

but if I hadn't, I'd probably add a few more things.

Like, "surprisingly good with Jake"

and "maybe even has an OK idea".

See you, guys, I'm off.

But, um, there you go, Millie, I saved you some.

-Bye, Craig.

-See ya, bye.

Argghhh!

Nice one, son!

Craig?

-CRAIG:

-Wahey!