Bump in the Road Millie Inbetween

Dad and Amber are trying to get a bigger place, together.

Which is great, because sharing one room between four kids is mad.

Even if it is only two at a time.

And with Jake sleeping in your room, who knows what you might find.

SHE SIGHS

SHE GASPS

Mm, sticky.

Mind you, her hair did taste delicious.

One problem is, now Dad and Amber

are working so hard to save up for the new place,

they hardly get to see each other.

ALARM BLEEPS

Oh, I feel like I've hardly slept.

It's my alarm.

Oh.

So, the flat's a mess, we're living off toast,

there's no bedtime - what is not to like?

Except when we forget the washing.

-Oh.

-Oh.

Oh, there's chips in the oven, call Tracy back,

Jake broke your Hibs mug, got to go, bye.

What did he say?

Something about chips and Hibs. I've got to lie down, I'm sorry.

CROWD CHEERS

Go on, shoot, shoot!

Can you not do that another time?

When, the middle of the night?

I need to watch this now.

You need to find an interest,

before you become half-boy, half-sofa.

-I have an interest, Sharon.

-Great. What is it?

Watching telly.

HOOVER WHIRS

CROWD CHEERS

Your team lose 2-0. Heard it on the radio.

Mum, can I get help with my biology?

I don't get genes.

They are tricky, aren't they?

High-rise, overalls, culottes - so many options.

Not right now, sweetheart. I've still got to work out

where we're going to put everyone, I'm sorry.

Well, I'm in my room, obviously.

It's not just yours, and you weren't even supposed to be here.

OK...

Dad, why didn't you tell Amber we were coming this week?

HE SIGHS

I've no idea where everyone's going to sleep.

Except you, Dad, you're on the air mattress.

Tony, we've got to be more organised.

-Shouldn't be too hard.

-I'm sorry, my bad, I've had a shocking day.

-Well, not literally, but...

-Can you move the toolkit?

Yeah, I will in a minute, I just need to clear these messages and...

HE SINGS TO HIMSELF

Oh, not that one, I won't be able to get it out of my head now.

Little things are starting to wind them up,

like how Dad hums theme tunes.

And Amber puts ketchup on everything.

Dad used to think it was cute.

Why are you putting ketchup on a cracker?

Because there's nothing else to put it on. Where's the shopping?

-Shopping?

-Tony, I asked you to pick up some food after work.

Don't tell me you've forgotten that as well?

-I'm starving.

-All right, just don't worry.

I'll whip something up using...

eggs and...

-..gherkins.

-THEY GROAN

Tony, you can't just keep forgetting everything but work!

-Where's Jake?

-Jake!

I forgot to pick him up from running.

BANGING

Ow! Toolkit!

Sorry!

You watching telly? Again?

It's not a telly, Sharon, it's a laptop.

Well, it's a little telly with a keyboard on it.

I wouldn't mind, but you're not exactly curing diseases, are you?

You're watching cat videos.

Oh, Cat On A Lilo?

Check it out, he doesn't see the pool-cleaning robot and then...

-Boom!

-Ooh! Who knew a cat could jump that high?!

Anyway, mate, you shouldn't be watching screens all day.

Go and do something useful, go on.

You as well?

Cheers, Dad(!)

I don't want to be a nag,

but he does really need to find another interest.

You know, before his eyes melt.

Yeah, no, I'll have a word, if I can get his attention.

Oh, look! It's a cat on a skateboard.

Oh, cat.

-You having fun?

-Oh, hi, Craig.

No, we're just trying to figure out how to turn it off.

Yeah, right.

Well, excuse me, I've got to go and do my homework.

KETCHUP SQUIRTS

You don't have to smother it.

You won't taste the delicate gherkin-y flavour.

That's sort of the idea.

PHONE RINGS

Well, don't get it now, we're eating.

I have to.

Hi, Dave, how are you, mate?

No, no, it's not a bad time.

-All right?

-Craig, what's this?

-This is a bass drum.

-Yeah, I can see that.

-Then why ask?

I mean, what's it doing here?

Oh, so, this is my new interest.

I'm going to be a drummer.

Great, isn't it? Yeah, I bought them second-hand off my mate Derek.

-We had a man to man talk.

-What, you and Derek?

No, me and Craig. We decided that you're absolutely right -

he needs something to do - and he's always wanted to play the drums.

-Oh, but won't that be a little bit loud?

-No, no, no, we'll stuff them

-with pillows.

-Oh, does that make them quieter?

-Yes.

And a lot more comfortable to sleep on. Don't worry,

-you'll hardly notice.

-I can't wait to get started, Sharon.

I even got myself some heavy-duty sticks.

Oh, bless him!

He's like a kid at Christmas.

And we owe it all to you. Mwah!

LAUGHTER

You can't play basketball in the library, dummy.

Why would they have wastepaper baskets then?

-Smells good.

-It's pizzas for tea.

Why are there only three pizza boxes?

Shall we go and sit down?

MILLIE SINGS TO HERSELF

LAUGHTER

We've got something to say.

You all know that things have been a bit difficult lately.

You could say erm, that we've hit a sort of dead end.

Maybe that's the wrong word, er...

What Tony's trying to say is, we've decided to take a bit of a break.

Going on holiday?

Don't you get it?

They're splitting up.

No, no, we're not, erm...

Just having some time apart.

-Giving each other some space.

-Yeah, right.

Where have I heard that before?

But what about us kids? We've only just got used to each other.

Aye, we're thinking of you.

If we have any doubts, then it's not fair on all of you.

Not after everything you've been through.

It's only going to be for a little while, right?

We'll see how that goes, pal.

I've packed our stuff and I think we should go home in a minute.

This is our home!

SHE CRIES

Wow, no, that's major.

Wait, that doesn't mean you're going to be at ours more, does it?

No! And thanks for the sympathy.

I didn't see it coming.

On the bright side, at least we get our room back.

I'm just looking for the silver lining.

Fran, I've saved a seat for you!

What's the point? We're going to drift apart.

You probably won't even want to know us any more.

Will you shut up and sit down!

Oi, you can't sit next to me here.

-I don't know him!

-See? Told you.

Stop that.

-OK? Now, are we going to take this lying down?

-Yes.

We've all been here before. They act all noble and before you know it,

they're fighting over the DVD collection.

But we're still going to be friends?

Of course we will. They can't stop us seeing each other.

That would be awkward, though - Mum and Tony would have to meet.

So? Tough.

Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

What, Tony and Amber?

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, Millie told me on the bus.

Gave them the old fireside chat -

"Guess what? We're dumping each other."

-Well, they didn't say that.

-"We need some time apart."

Well, that's hardly the same thing.

It was with you and Mum.

Poor Tony. I mean, I know he's not easy to live with,

but Amber seemed really...tolerant.

Hey, erm...

You're OK, aren't you?

What? Oh, yeah, of course. We're fine.

I was just checking.

Oh, Craig, don't eat in front of the telly!

Telly? Who needs telly?

I'm going to be spending some quality time with my babies.

Hear that? His babies. That's down to you, that is.

Made him a drum daddy.

Well, it's all about finding the right motivator.

-Oh, I hope Tony's OK.

-He'll be fine!

A bump in the road is just nature's way of saying

you need a new exhaust.

We're so lucky to have each other.

-We're in a great place right now.

-And nothing is going to change that.

DRUMMING

Oh, well, at least he's getting the hang of it.

Yeah, like you said, they'll be much quieter once you stuff them

-with pillows.

-They are stuffed with pillows.

HE SIGHS

Bring my puzzle book and run me a bubble bath. I'm cocooning.

Well, I hope you turn into a beautiful butterfly.

Or at least get dressed.

TV PLAYS SAD MUSIC

So, here we are again, eh?

Cos I'll never find anyone else.

I'll be alone forever. Just me and you and Lauren.

And Fran.

-She's coming over.

-Fran?

-How's she getting here?

-How do you think? Amber's bring her.

DOOR BUZZER

Amber?

Erm... Ah!

-Hi, sorry, wasn't expecting you.

-Weren't you?

Cos it looks like you dressed up especially.

Hey, Fran. You want to come in for a bit?

No, I don't think so. Thanks.

-OK, see you, Mum.

-Bye.

-Bye.

So...how's it going?

You know.

-Less stressful?

-Wouldn't be hard.

-Made any more gherkin omelettes?

-Aye, I'm bringing out a cookbook,

"Meals When You Forgot To Shop."

Hey, listen, if you like, I can bring Fran back to yours later.

You know, save you another trip.

Oh, thanks, yeah, that'd be really...

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Dave.

-No, no, not a bad time.

-Actually...

No, no, you need to replace the control fuse,

but you need a box spanner to get to it.

Don't bother, I'll pick her up myself.

The keys are next door with Mrs Francis.

Aye.

It's your turn, you've got to do something with Jake today.

-No.

-We're trying to get Dad and Amber to meet up, remember?

You know what, you're right.

Now he doesn't have Amber, he can devote himself to you.

He can make sure you're doing all your homework,

vet all your boyfriends...

-Hm.

-..and keep an eye on what you're doing online.

You know what, I might go see what Jake is up to today,

give him a call.

Craig!

I brought you some cereal.

Cheers. Just put it down there.

I'm working on my rolling thunder.

Oh, look!

It's your favourite TV programme, The World's Weirdest Animals.

You don't want to miss that.

That's OK, I've got to practise a lot.

I don't want to jinx it, but I could be onto something big.

Oh, I heard a joke, do you want to hear it?

What do you call a person that hangs around with musicians?

A drummer.

A drummer!

CYMBAL CLASHES

Why are you meeting Jake in the park?

He wants us to jog his fun run course.

Oh, I promised him I'd go to that.

-There they are!

-"They"?

-Aw!

-Come on!

-So, I keep a nice pace through the middle...

-Hi.

Hey, Lauren. Hi, Tony.

-I'll come back and get you later.

-Oh, Dad, just sit and have a coffee.

-We won't be long, come on, Jake.

-OK.

Wait until you see the course, it runs...

-You're looking well.

-Thanks.

Nice to see you got dressed.

Thanks.

HE HUMS TO HIMSELF

You don't even know you're doing it, do you?

Doing what?

SHE SIGHS

If there's not enough there, I'll get you another bottle.

-Do you know what, I think I'm going to go for a walk.

-Fine.

-Aw!

-Oh, Tony, I'm so sorry.

-The state of my trackies!

-Are you laughing at me?

-No, I'm sorry.

-You are, you're laughing.

SHE LAUGHS

You spilled milkshake down me and now you're laughing.

I'm sorry!

SHE KEEPS LAUGHING

Dad looked like he'd laid down in a milk puddle.

It was so embarrassing, I made him walk behind me.

But still, our plan's working.

They told us they'd decided to be friends.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it?

Are you kidding? It's almost worse. Now Dad's in the friendzone.

OK, so, we have to do something.

What about a big romantic dinner?

We invite Amber round, but don't tell her why.

Yeah, we can get loads of flowers.

-Right! And fairy lights.

-And a fresh bucket of popcorn.

What's romantic about popcorn?

The smell.

So, when are we going to go for it?

If our dad's in the friendzone, as soon as possible.

DRUMMING

Mike, the drums have to go!

It was your idea, and it's a genius one! I've never seen him like this.

Maybe he could take up something quieter? You know, like mime.

Honestly, he's like a different kid, he's all lit up.

Well...

CYMBALS CLASH

Oh, I can't take it, it's like living in a bowling alley!

Either those drums go or I do.

All right, I'll have a word!

DOOR SLAMS

-Lauren! Can I come out now?

-No, it's a surprise.

It's not my birthday, is it?

Just put on the clothes I chose for you and be quiet.

MUSIC: My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

Oh, no, you haven't!

DOOR BUZZER

Oh!

-Hi, come in.

-Hey.

You look nice.

# I see you, I feel you... #

It's not how it looks.

Surprise! We cooked you dinner.

I'm sure that Amber has to get back.

Oh, for goodness' sake, it's fine.

We are friends, aren't we?

HE SIGHS

Yeah, yeah, all right, OK.

Yes!

Come on.

-Thank you.

-All right.

What's that smell?

Oh, popcorn.

Under the table. Enjoy.

For my special starter, tower of salad. And following, spaghetti.

Come on, let's go.

Go!

-What are you doing?

-Oh, come on, let me stay.

-No, we're leaving.

# ..my heart will go on and on. #

Almost makes gherkin omelette look good.

This is all a bit over the top.

How sweet is it, though?

I can't believe how much the kids want to see each other.

Tony...

I know things have been a bit difficult between us,

but I wonder if we could...

PHONE RINGS

Sorry! Erm...

Hi, Dave.

Have the new room specifications come through?

Is everyone happy?

-I bet they'll be back together before pudding.

-Yeah.

Let the popcorn do its work.

-DOWNSTAIRS:

-..just because you're working hard.

You still have to cook and clean the bath!

Well, the bath doesn't need cleaning all the time,

-it upsets its natural ecology.

-That's unhygienic!

Yeah, so is covering the kitchen table

with bits of an oily motorbike!

TONY SIGHS

Oh, ketchup on a salad. What are you going to put it on next?

Mum, no, don't!

THEY GASP

Come on, kids, we're leaving.

-But what about dinner?

-I want to stay.

-Go!

-Please, Mum!

-I don't understand.

Look on the bright side. At least you got out of the friendzone.

Just in the wrong direction.

I don't think I can be the guy that she wants me to be.

-What guy is that?

-An on-time guy who remembers every little detail.

-Like food?

-All right, every big detail.

Your mum wanted to make me someone I wasn't, and look how that ended.

Trust us, Dad, Amber is not Mum.

What worries me the most

is the thought of ever putting you two through that again.

No, you're banned.

We made a romantic dinner for you and you squirt ketchup all over him?

I don't get it. I thought you loved Tony.

I do love him.

You know, he makes me laugh and he's thoughtful and kind.

Oh, and he can do impressions.

Yeah, but the thing is, can I count on him?

Because, after your dad, I think I've had it with unreliable men.

Tony's not like Dad. For starters, he doesn't wear leather trousers.

Yeah, but what if he walks away like your dad did?

I'd never forgive myself if you two got hurt again.

We're all right, aren't we? Come on, The Three Musketeers, one for all...

ALL: ..and all for lunch.

That's it.

Come on, we don't want to be late for Jake's run.

Sorry, Craig, it's just that I'm in the house all the time.

Oh, Sharon, it's OK. I'm sorry too, but it's OK.

The band, they've found a space where they want me to rehearse.

-Wait, "the band"?

-Oh, yeah, Sharon, I told you I was onto something big.

I've joined a band.

-You're in a band?

-Yes! The Drooling Mummies.

Not mummies like you, mummies like...

HE IMITATES MUMMY

Sweet, yeah? It's all down to you.

I just want to say thanks, Sharon,

for getting me up off the sofa and that. Nice one.

See, what did I tell you? He just needed an interest.

Here, let me help you out with that.

So, this band, does it rehearse far away?

Three nines.

Four fours.

Five twos.

-THEY LAUGH BOTH:

-Cheat!

PHONE BLEEPS

Stop it, cheater!

-Oh, no!

-What is it?

I promised Jake I'd go to his fun run.

I set a reminder ages ago, so I'd remember.

He'll be gutted, but I can't just turn up.

-Are you kidding? This is perfect.

-Seriously, you have to go.

I'm not even dressed, and even if I make it, I'll be well late.

And you know what Amber was like if I was late.

Well, this is your chance to show her what you're made of.

Aye, jelly!

I don't feel very well. My elbows hurt.

Besides, my van's in the garage.

Looks like you'll be having a fun run of your own to the park then.

Oh, no!

Go, go, go.

What do you think, Mum, should I wear my blue or striped top?

Sorry, what do you keep looking for, Jake?

Tony said he would come.

Oh, sweetheart, look, Tony might have changed his mind.

He won't. He promised.

Stop, wait!

I can't.

-Argh, I'm too late.

-No, Dad, come on.

I can't!

If you don't hurry up, then we're going to miss it

-and then you're going to be mayor of the friendzone.

-Let's go!

HE SIGHS

OK.

In what way is this a fun run?

All runners to your starting positions, please.

But he swore on his galactic oath.

Jake, I tried to tell you.

I mean, he's probably just got a call from Dave

-and had to drop everything.

-Hey, pal.

Are you ready for the off?

You came!

Millie!

-I told you he'd come.

-I'm so sorry I'm late, sorry.

You don't have to say sorry, not for keeping your promise to Jake.

He's over the moon.

And I feel pretty good too.

Hello, Mr Mayor? Time to get out of the friendzone.

Kiss her.

-PHONE RINGS

-Oh.

Yes, Dave, this is a bad time.

Whoo!

THEY LAUGH

-Yes!

-Urgh!

I really want you in my life.

All of you.

But this getting a bigger place, it's messed everything up.

-We're back to where we started.

-No, wait, I have an idea.

You should all just move in.

Say what? Dad's place is too small, so put more people in it?

It would work, because we did it before.

But that was only temporary.

And so would this be - well, until you got a bigger place.

If you move in, that would save one lot of rent,

so you two wouldn't have to work as hard to save up.

That is so mad...

that it might just work.

Yes, Jake, what do you think?

I think I...

missed the race.

-Go!

-Go!

-Go, Jake!

THEY LAUGH

Dad and Amber are over their bump in the road

and the wheels haven't come off.

They're all moving into Dad's flat - hooray!

But also...

LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

SHOUTING: That's the sounds of The Drooling Mummies.

He needed a place to rehearse for a few days,

so Mike offered them our house.

It's just while the guitarist's dad finishes painting the garage.

What?

The guitarist's dad, he's painting the... Never mind.