Loved Up Millie Inbetween

Oh, I LOVE getting the old albums out.

Really takes me back.

Oh, I remember that holiday!

Dad got locked in the caravan toilet!

And then got stuck trying to climb out the window!

-It was awesome!

-It was embarrassing.

You should've been there! Though that would've been a bit weird.

-Whoa! Is that Lauren?

-Ha-ha!

Oh, Mum! How did you even get that?

Oh, it's an old school photo. You look really sweet.

Nice pigtails(!)

Shut up! No-one can ever see this.

This is, er, this is Justin. He's my new mate.

Nice to meet you all.

Oh! Not again!

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Extend your left hand and make a loose fist,

and put your thumb in between your first and second fingers. Lauren?

Hmm? Yeah, right - fingers!

Lauren, don't you need to, like, straighten your hair or something?

He's just teaching me how to play.

You're a natural, Lauren.

A natural what, though?

DAD: Hey! We could all rock out together!

Dad! Don't.

Justin, how exactly did you and Craig become friends?

Our teacher asked Craig to show me the ropes on my first day.

Yeah, Justin's just moved schools.

It's a bit of a sad story, to be honest - don't really want to

go into it, but, well, the thing is, my dad kind of got ill.

Oh, no!

And we needed to move house to be nearer his hospital.

Things like that really make you realise...

..that life is a precious gift

and we should never waste it.

Seize every moment.

Wow! Yeah.

That is so deep.

Eurgh!

-WHISPERS:

-Stop it!

-What? I was just feeling a bit sick.

Sorry, Justin. She's really warped.

It's OK. Cut her some slack.

You were young once, too!

Oh, true! You want to see a picture?

No, Millie!

Um, listen, how about we, er, go and chill in the chill zone?

Well, nice meeting you all.

Mwah, mwah, mwah! Oh, Justin!

As if I'd actually fancy one of Craig's friends!

Then, why are you drooling?

I'm not drooling. Oh!

Something you've got to understand about my sister Lauren

is that she totally loses it when she has a crush on a boy.

And who do you think suffers when this happens?

I swear, he totally looked at me in Maths today for, like,

a whole second.

Do you think I should work up the courage to, like, actually,

properly talk to him tomorrow?

I think you should let me get some sleep!

Yep, you guessed it - me!

Snorgaloids have invaded Sector Seven.

We are the only things that stand between them and the Earth.

But we're not alone, Captain Tony.

Not as long as we have Commander Starlight!

Ah, the bravest space bear in the known galaxy!

Hey! How's the presentation going?

Ah, er, not bad.

"Hello" - that's it?

-So far.

-Wow! If I was giving a talk to over 100 people

in a couple of days, I think I'd want more than "hello".

Well, it'll have to wait.

Jake and I have been tasked with a very important mission.

And speaking at a work do isn't an important mission?

A mission to the planet Boring!

Oh, come on! Justin's so cheesy, you could spread him on a cracker.

Oh, I thought he seemed like a really nice boy.

Thoughtful, sensitive, cool - reminds me of a young me.

Justin is kind and wise and handsome and deep and handsome.

You said handsome twice.

-POP MUSIC PLAYS

-So, over here I've got my bed!

Yeah, the whole "looking like a bed" thing was a giveaway.

I just kind of lay here and sleep, and stuff.

Over here I've got my, er, wardrobe.

That's for putting clothes in and that.

-Defo a bedroom, then.

-Here I've got my speakers.

And they're for...music.

Yeah. So, what...what bands are you into, man?

You heard of Flamebox?

Flamebox? They're all right. Bit over.

Yeah! Who'd listen to them, eh? Well rubbish.

So, tell me more about Lauren. Does she have a boyfriend?

A boyfriend? Who'd go out with her?

Right. Right.

Anyway, I'd better get home.

Just need to use your loo.

My toilet is your toilet.

Cheers...I think.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

# Cos you keep me hanging on

# Keep me hanging on

# Keep me hanging on... #

Amber, I wanted to ask your advice.

Did you have any feelings for anyone when you were my age?

Ooh! Who's the lucky boy?

Nobody! I'm asking for a friend.

Um, she has this crush on Craig's new... Just on some boy.

OK. My advice - to your friend - would be to play it cool.

-Boys are like kangaroos.

-Furry?

Jumpy.

So, not too needy.

Play a little hard to get. It'll make him all the more keen.

-Play it cool.

-Mm-hm.

-OK.

You're the best, Amber. I'm going to tell my friend.

-Hey. Hey, Dad!

-Hey, sweetheart.

I think someone has a crush.

-What, on a boy?

-Mm-hm.

Nah. She's too young.

She has to grow up, Tony. It's like the law of the galaxy.

Except for the daughters of space captains. She's my little girl.

Mmm.

-Ah, there we go!

-You need a whisk?

This isn't a whisk.

It's a jet-propelling molecular discombobulator.

Uh-uh.

THEY LAUGH

Do-do-do-do, whirrrrrrrrrr!

I think Justin's younger sister's in my class. She started today.

Oh, is she all peachy-perfect too?

She seems nice. You know, you sound a teeny bit jealous.

-Why would I be jealous of Justin?

-Cos everyone thinks he's great.

-I don't. I think he's shifty.

-Why?

I don't want Lauren getting a crush on him.

The last time she had a crush, she kept throwing me

out of the bedroom cos she wanted to practise kissing, with her hand!

"Mwah, mwah, mwah! Oh, Shane!"

Er, Millie?

I do not have a crush!

Is that lipstick on your hand?

No!

Now, get out. I've got stuff to do. Get out!

Out!

You are cool and collected!

CHATTER

Hey, Lauren.

Like, totally whatever.

Um, how are you?

Have I done something to annoy her?

Nah. She's always like that, for some reason.

Listen, man, d'you want to come over tonight? Blow up some pixels?

Yeah, that'd be sweet.

I've got to warn you - I'm a demon when it comes to the joypad.

I'm going to whip you real good!

See what you can find out from Justin's sister today.

Yes, Sherlock!

So I can prove to Lauren he's not all that, so she goes off him.

Aren't you being a little paranoid?

Call it sisterly intuition. There's something dodgy about him.

If only I can make her see it.

I just need some proof.

Nice teddy bear, mate! What are you, three years old?

LAUGHTER

-It's not a teddy bear, it's a space bear.

-Good.

Cos kids who bring teddies to school seriously need to grow up!

HE LAUGHS

-What's going on?

-Ensign Jake! Welcome to Space Fort Alpha Seven!

What about your presentation?

Saving the Earth took priority - or there'd be no presentation,

which...might not be a bad thing.

Sort of got homework to do.

Oh, hold on, this is not like you. What's up?

Are you ill?

Have the solar brain scrubbers got to you?

Wait a minute, wait! Is that really Jake?

Or are you a robot double?

Yes, it's really me. And I've got homework to do.

All right. Well, I suppose I'd better get on with my own, then.

DOORBELL

-All right?

-Hey, mate. Nice jacket.

-It's kind of like mine.

-Hah! This old thing? Had it years.

Is that a price tag?

No.

Is it just you home?

No, man. Lauren's upstairs but, um, it's cool. She won't bother us.

FOOTSTEPS

Hi, Lauren.

Hah! You got enough jewellery on?

I'm surprised you can even lift your arms!

Go on, mate. I'll show you how it's done.

You're sure I haven't done something to upset her?

Lauren? Yeah, probably. Upset all the time.

Just by existing.

Oh, I've got the highest score on this game.

-Ready?

-(It's totally working!)

Bang, yeah, take that! Yeah!

How did you find that power-up?

Are you sure you haven't played this before?

Guess I just got lucky.

Don't mind if I sit in here, do you?

Yeah! The clanking of your jewellery's putting us off.

Well, tough. It's my house too - I'll sit where I like.

-Same again? Best of 30 rounds?

-Cool.

I like your hair today, Lauren.

Sorry, did you say something?

Your hair. I like how you've done it.

Do you? That's nice.

I brush it myself.

Yes! Yes! Hah!

-In your face!

-Yeah!

-I win!

Well played, mate. Listen...

I get the feeling I've done something to annoy you.

I mean, at school, you blanked me.

And on the bus. And now.

Yeah, whatever. So?

Yesterday, I thought we kind of clicked.

I thought you felt it too.

Justin, mate! What you doing? We're playing games over here!

It was like there was some kind of electricity between us.

Justin! Come on! I'll let you use the...

Only, I need to know if I've done something wrong.

-Cos this morning I was all set to ask you out.

-Yes!

-No!

-Yes?

-Yes!

She means, yes, you do annoy her!

Yes, I will go out with you, Justin.

That's everything I found out about Justin from his sister.

SHE SIGHS

But this is blank!

Exactly! He's a clean bean, Millie. The guy's completely normal.

This isn't normal! Nobody's that perfect.

And he was so mean to Jake on the bus before.

He's hiding something.

All you can hope for now is that Lauren's crush

is just a flash in the pan.

She spent her whole lunchtime spelling his name out of chips.

No, I can see things that others miss.

SHE SIGHS

Time to find his secrets online.

SHE EXHALES

-How's the homework going?

-Oh, I finished ages ago.

Why didn't you meet me in the fort?

I sort of thought you were doing something else.

No, I was waiting for you and Commander Starlight the whole time.

Er...I don't know how to say this but...I sort of lost him.

What? You've lost him? Where?

You know what? It doesn't matter.

He was just a stupid old teddy bear anyway. No big deal.

But you love Commander Starlight - he goes to school with you.

Not any more! Teddy bears are for little kids!

Hey, what's up with Jake?

It's like he's gone out of his way

to avoid playing Aliens versus Spacebears.

Maybe he's growing out of it.

What, Ensign Jake? Never.

Here, I got you these.

Amber, I don't know what you think I like reading, but...

Oh! A free bangle!

This is the kind of thing teenage girls, like your daughter, are into.

This is full of problem pages and photos of soppy boys and...

advice on kissing.

Well, that's what I was into when I was her age.

Lauren's growing up, Tony, and so is Jake.

You need to accept it.

No, you got this wrong.

I just need to find Commander Starlight, then you'll see.

Lauren did something to Justin, because she messed with his brain

by ignoring him and now he doesn't want to be mates with me any more!

All right, calm down, calm down, deep breaths!

HE BLOWS

And now they're going out, as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'm sorry! Sharon, we've got to do something,

-Lauren can't have a boyfriend!

-Why can't she?

-Well, she's too young!

-No, she's not.

You know what teenage boys are like. You can't trust them!

That's right, we're the worst.

But Lauren's going to have a boyfriend sooner or later

and I trust her.

And now they're in there, holding hands and stuff. It's not natural.

Do you hear that? What if it progresses to K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

Where is this all coming from? I thought you liked Justin.

Yeah, that was before he asked out your daughter.

What if he breaks her heart?

Lauren's going to make her own mistakes.

You've got to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

There we are again - kissing!

What if Justin was just using me to get to her?

I thought we were mates.

I thought he liked me.

I thought he liked all of us.

I've got him! You all need to see this.

Let's have a look.

Can you play something for me on your guitar? Something romantic?

Maybe later, yeah? My fingers are a bit tired from school.

-Listen, I was thinking.

-Mm-hm?

-You know what you should do?

-Dye your hair.

-Why, is something wrong with it?

No! I just think you'd look great blonde.

Especially with some of those big hoop earrings. Love those.

OK, then. If you think I'd look good like that.

Stop brainwashing him, you monster! He's my friend.

And now he's my boyfriend.

Sorry, don't think I can fit you both in my life right now.

Ha! Bad luck. On you go!

He means you!

I'll take care of this. Justin, we have a few questions

-before we'll allow you to court Lauren.

-Allow him to court me?

What is this, the 18th century?

Sorry, Justin. Millie's found some stuff about you on social media

and she's got it into her head that you might be lying.

Lying about what? You've got it in for Justin for some weird reason.

No! Wait a minute, I want to know.

Is he a champion sailing expert?

And does he actually run marathons for charity?

And does he really have a black belt in karate?

An empty cart rattles the loudest.

Are you an empty cart, Justin?

I can show you some of my karate moves, if you like, guys?

I warn you, I know the Eagle Claw!

And I've run marathons for my dad's hospital.

See? He really is that awesome.

Now, will you all just trust me?

I'm not a child.

Of course, love. Hope you'll be very happy together.

Sorry, Justin.

Traitor.

SHE GIGGLES

So from now on, you are to leave Lauren and Justin alone.

You got that?

SHE SIGHS

So I was wrong. Maybe he does run marathons.

But he was mean to Jake and he dumped Craig.

This has gone from me stopping Lauren driving me mad,

to me stopping my sister getting hurt.

Cos if I don't...

I now pronounce you Justin and wife!

SHE LAUGHS

You're so wonderful, I'm not worthy!

I'm one of the family now!

SHE LAUGHS

That could happen!

Well, maybe not their getting married in the living room part,

but, yet...

We've got to expose this friend-dumping ratbag.

Whatever devious schemes you're planning, Millie, I want in!

You were close to him, what did you learn?

Just that he's Mr Perfect.

So perfect that he can dump a mate in a heartbeat.

Everyone loves him, though.

Kids, teachers, woodland animals,

girls - especially girls.

Especially girls?

Yeah, he was telling me, he's had loads of girlfriends and stuff.

Craig, you are a genius!

I know. But why?

Fran? It's me. Get on to Justin's sister.

I need the names of ALL his ex-girlfriends.

-Oh, is that honey roast ham?

-What's wrong?

Sorry, cupcake, I don't like honey roast.

It's OK, I'll just make you another one.

You're a star.

Don't mind me. I've just come to fix the cupboard door.

I didn't know it was broken.

Oh, yeah. See?

It's hanging off!

We should defo go out tonight then, cupcake.

Oh, yeah. Where would you want to go?

BANGING

We could see if the Temper Hearts are in town.

The Temper Hearts?

I can't be seen at a Temper Hearts gig.

Oh, OK. Well, wherever you want to go, then.

Mike! Out!

SHE LAUGHS

Good news, Jake, my man! I found him!

-Oh.

-Commander Starlight!

-Right.

I thought you'd be over the moon base!

Tony, he's a teddy bear.

And I'm a bit old for teddy bears.

Amber was right - you're growing up.

Hey, Millie. You got a sec?

What do YOU want?

You and I got off on the wrong foot.

I just wanted to say - I know what you're doing.

You do not want to mess with me.

-Is that a threat?

-Consider it a warning.

What if I go and tell everyone that you just spoke to me like that?

Who's going to believe some stupid little kid?

Face it - they think I'm awesome and they're right.

I knew you were bad news.

Justin, is she annoying you?

No. We're just clearing a few things up.

She's great, your little sister.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'Hi, Millie.'

Oh, hiya!

-'When should I bring Chrissy over?'

-Now would be the perfect time.

My name's...oh...Tony

and I'm here to tell you about the Falcon 500 fuse box.

When Edison invented his light bulb, what he really needed to do

was invent the Falcon 500 fuse box.

That way, technology....

Why doesn't Tony want to play any more?

I think he thought you didn't.

It's only because some big kid on the bus said I should grow up

and then everyone laughed at me.

Oh, did he?

Well, being a grown-up isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

Neither is being a kid.

True.

That's the good thing about Tony. He still knows how to have fun.

I think we need to rescue him from planet Boring!

TONY REHEARSES PRESENTATION

One for you.

-DOORBELL

-And three for me!

Hi, Fran!

This is Chrissy.

Where's that rat? I want a word with him.

Is this your playlist? Well over.

-Chrissy!

-Hello, Justin.

What are you doing here, cupcake?

Cupcake? Justin, who's this?

I'm his ex-girlfriend.

Who told us some interesting stuff.

Like how he moved school because his dad changed jobs.

And not to be closer to his hospital.

Because he isn't really ill.

He said moving wouldn't change anything,

and then he dumped me by text.

-Are you just jealous because he's found someone else?

-Exactly.

But your dad isn't really ill?

What else isn't true? Can you even play the guitar?

Oh, my gosh! You're not still pretending you play the guitar?

You're right. I wanted to impress you and you ignored me.

If liking you too much is a crime then I'm guilty.

She doesn't mean anything to me,

and you really think I wanted to hang out with a loser like Craig,

do you?

How dare you!

No-one calls my stepbrother a loser except for me!

Or me!

He may be a loser, but he's OUR loser!

And proud of it!

Isn't it about time you got going?

Yeah. JUSTIN time.

Ensign Jake and Commander Starlight reporting to Captain Tony.

We've had a distress signal from the Outpost Alpha.

Jake, man - I'm busy.

What? Too busy to save the universe with me and my favourite teddy bear?

I'm afraid so, mate.

Because if I don't learn my speech...

..then Emperor Blong will disintegrate me!

Not so fast! I am Ambrax the Annoying

and I have taken your precious Commander Starlight hostage!

-SHE LAUGHS

-You hand him over, Ambrax!

I am all up in your fort!

-Quick! Let's get her! Let's go!

-Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh!

Having him? You're not having him!

Give him back!

SHE LAUGHS

Listen. You're the only girl for me.

They're all trying to come between us!

Get lost, creep!

Craig? Brother!

Whoo! That felt good.

Chrissy, yeah? Don't suppose you'd fancy going out with ME?

Er...I'll think about it.

To think that I was so close to dying my hair blonde for him!

I'm never going to dye it for any boy.

-Justin gone?

-I shouldn't have tried to get involved.

We were thinking of asking Justin to stay for dinner.

Justin? You mean Mr Ancient History?

I was wondering if Chrissy could stay instead.

We have so much to talk about!

Hey, girls, wait up!

See? Told you she needed to make her own mistakes!

I'd better go fix that cupboard door.

Well, I guess Lauren learned that sometimes a frog stays a frog,

even if you've kissed it.

-And if there's one thing

-I've

-learned from all this,

it's that I am never getting a boyfriend!

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