The Big Day Millie Inbetween

It's a big day for Mum,

she has a meeting to get her cushions

put on the Puffy Fun website.

Now, you know your pitch.

My cushions are puffy and fun...

Oh, that's all I can remember.

Relax, you'll be a star.

I've made you lunch, I will see you after.

-Thanks,

-Mr. Go get 'em, Mrs.

Aww! They call each other Mr and Mrs!

How cute is that?

And it's not even like they're married.

They wanted to last year, but we put a stop to that.

I think the kids are right, I think it's too soon.

Whoa.

You're actually listening to us, for once?

We were so against it, then.

I wonder what we were thinking?

Do you know Mum and Mike call each other Mr and Mrs?

Yeah, when they think we can't hear.

And, they wear matching Valentine's Day jumpers.

Ugh, Millie, don't remind me.

So maybe, they should actually, like, really get married!

Look at it this way.

Why shouldn't they get married?

Ugh, don't go there again.

We've been through all this. There's no way we're ready.

Times change, and maybe we should change with them.

What if it messes up the family, though?

You just said it.

We're a family now.

I guess someone else could be even worse than you guys.

Ugh, stop it. We know that you miss us when we're at our dad's.

Yeah, right. As if.

But what about Dad?

That's different, too.

Dad's on his way to Babyville, so he's sorted.

No, it works fine now.

Why do you always have to interfere by being right?

But in their heads, they're already married.

So what's really changing?

I suppose they could take us somewhere cool for the honeymoon.

And by cool, I mean hot.

For this to work, it needs to happen fast.

That way, there won't be time for anyone to get cold feet.

Including us.

So...

-OK.

-Whatever.

They could always say no.

But tonight, we're going to propose.

Uh, I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.

The Puffy Fun buyer is the least fun person

I've ever met in my entire life!

Well, you never know, every failure

is a stepping stone to success.

Carpet's vacuumed, coats hung up, we're in the wrong house!

Quick, let's go!

Don't worry, Mum.

What? What do you mean?

It's OK, we tidied up.

Why? Are you ill?

What have you done? Look, whatever you want, the answer's no.

Oh, you're welcome.

Chill, Mum.

Go.

Right, what is going on?

We've got something we want to ask you.

Er, you want another holiday?

A bigger TV? A party?

-Mum.

-Dad.

Will you...

..marry each other?

Be Mr and Mrs, but for real.

We're all right as we are, though, really, aren't we?

Well, it just works.

We wouldn't want to mess that up.

But we're saying WE'RE ready.

We feel like we're a family now.

You don't have to hold back, just lose the matching jumpers!

Are you... Are you serious?

You've already got the ring.

-MIKE:

-I do! I mean...

I really want to.

It's my dream come true.

All right.

Yeah, why not?

Yes!

THEY APPLAUD

Ah, this is proper emotional!

We're going to have to set a date.

That's the best part, we already have.

The registrar has a last-minute cancellation,

and we've found a venue!

What? When, when for?!

-Saturday.

-This Saturday?

Yes. That way, no-one has a chance to lose their nerve.

Then you won't have time to think of a load of weird stuff,

like last time, Groomzilla!

Of course, Mike being Mike,

he managed to think of one or two weird things.

Yes, I'll hold.

So, right, we found this place where they release doves,

and then they fly home again.

-No.

-CRAIG:

-Well, we're still going

to have that massive cake, though, yeah?

There's no time, we'll be lucky if there's a plate of scones.

Mum, why isn't Dad on the guest list?

Oh, we went through this last time, love.

You don't invite your ex to your wedding.

But Mum, he's our dad, I want him there.

Maybe... I mean, maybe we should invite Tony.

I mean, he is part of our story.

-Mike!

-Well, it's not exactly a conventional wedding, is it?

-CRAIG:

-Not with you involved, geezer!

What if... What if Dad had something to do?

Like, park the cars?

No. Like, give us his blessing?

Tony make a speech?

Ah, Mum, that's such a great idea!

Just a few words, so then it won't feel so weird.

-All right.

-Yes!

You will regret this, but all right.

Married? Ah, I'm happy for her, but haven't we been here before?

-Well, yeah, but...

-There's no time for them to change their minds.

It's on Saturday.

-What, this Saturday?

-And you're all invited!

What, us? Ah, love, I don't think that's a good idea.

Your mum wouldn't want us...

Mum wants you to say a few words.

Me?! What, make a speech?

Only a tiny one.

Mostly about how amazing me and Lauren are.

Please, Dad?

Well, OK, then.

Yes! I can't wait.

Sweetheart, you've got that festival

with your dad this weekend, remember?

Wait, we can't go to both?

No, Jake. Andy's been arranging this for months.

You can't let him down now.

We'll save you some cake, OK?

-FRAN:

-I don't want any cake!

Can I just say, that doesn't go for me.

OK. Here goes.

I think it's very brave of Sharon to have another go.

Especially after the first time!

And Mike's a tolerant guy.

He'll need to be! Still, second time lucky, eh?

Dad, I don't think you can say that.

Ah, OK, which bit?

Any of it!

Just leave it with me, Millie, I know what I'm doing.

Craig wants to do a few numbers in the foyer.

Oh, no, Mike.

It'll frighten the aunties!

-What are you wearing?

-My wedding robes.

What if I lose the flower crown?

No.

-Hi, Mike.

-Hi, Millie.

Millie?

How is your dad's speech coming along?

Really, really well.

Good, because I'm holding you personally responsible.

-Why me?

-It was your idea.

I'm starting to wonder if this was such a great plan.

Yeah?

I'm afraid it's a no, Son.

So what, Sharon doesn't like my songs, or...?

No, no, she loves your songs, mate.

It's just, there's not enough time.

-Yeah, right!

-Hey, I'm going to have to lose my Elvish robes, OK?

We're all having to make sacrifices.

Ah, Millie! I've made an alteration.

Ahem.

Hold it!

I'm going to write your speech.

But it's meant to be from me.

And it will be. But you need to see it from Mum's side of things.

She never saw things from mine.

-Dad!

-OK, but can we at least pretend that I wrote it?

Ah, this wedding.

What am I going to wear

that doesn't make me look like a space hopper in a shower curtain?

Even Amber's stressing.

Mills, you know what this wedding means?

Mum and Dad are never, ever getting back together.

That's OK, though. Yeah?

It's OK.

-Just a bit final.

-I know.

Maybe there's an alternate universe where they did stay together.

And an alternate Millie and Lauren, still listening to them argue.

Night, Mills.

Night, Laurs.

The big day!

But I'm so nervous.

Well, at least I haven't got my trademark family-occasion big spot.

-All right?

-Have you only just got up?!

No. It's just Lauren's been in there for, like, an hour.

Go away!

It's not just girls who need to make themselves look good, you know.

I need to shape my eyebrows.

Seriously, do you?

Of course not! It got you out, though!

Come on, get ready, or we'll be late!

Was it my idea to do this in such a rush?!

Please let this not be a disaster.

Argh! Shoe crisis!

Tony, are you ready? Don't forget,

we've still got to pick the present up.

Wallet, wallet...

OK. Erm, hanky...

Speech, speech!

-Where's my speech?

-Don't panic, here it is.

Admit it, I look like a beach ball in a play tent, don't I?

Ah, come on, you look fabulous.

I hope Fran and Jake are OK, they should be with us.

They're fine, they're rocking out with their dad.

It's been raining all week, it's probably a sea of mud.

You OK? What's the baby doing?

Front crawl, it feels like.

Come on, let's go.

It's just so sudden.

I'm not sure I'm ready.

I made such a mess of it last time.

Anyway, Julie, I've got to go.

I'm running really, really late.

I'll see you there. Bye-bye.

Dad and I are going to the main stage.

Apparently the mud there is deep.

Are you coming?

No. I'm going to sit here wondering why I'm not at a nice, dry wedding,

and catch up on some homework.

-Seriously?

-That's how bored I am.

Oh, no. This is Millie's speech that she wrote for Tony.

We have to get this to him before he reads the wrong one!

Dad'll have to take us.

-When?

-Now!

Aunt Kathleen! So glad you could make it!

-Aunt Muriel! Lovely to see you...

-Craigster!

I haven't seen you since Christmas, mate.

Ollie, mate, has it really been that long?

You look like a right wally.

Let me get a shot of you like that.

No photos!

No photos!

Just leave me alone, OK!

Hey! It's just a wedding! Craig?

Millie, are you all right?

No.

Craig, mate, what is it?

This is, like, their wedding.

You know? Their dad gets to make a speech.

Yeah, but your dad's the groom!

And Sharon won't let me sing.

Oh, is that what this is about?

I look like an idiot!

Mate, no, you look smart.

Now, come on, we'll be late.

Don't push me, all right?

I'm sorry, Mum. This is all my fault.

Millie, what is?

Hello? Everyone's waiting for us!

Lauren, please.

Craig is sulking, Fran and Jake aren't here, nothing feels right.

Get a grip, OK, you're not the one that's getting married.

Lauren, can you give us a minute?

Typical Sharon.

Makes you hurry up, keeps you waiting.

Oh, well, never mind.

Have you got your speech?

Craig, it's normal to have nerves when you're getting married.

Or...when your dad is.

But a wedding,

it's like a leap of faith.

And I want you to leap with me, Son.

Mum, you don't have to do this.

-What do you mean?

-We can just carry on as we are.

I heard you saying that you were worried.

That you made a mess of things last time.

Oh, Millie.

That was just letting off steam.

Things will stay the same as they are.

Only, better.

Sorry, but we are out of time.

Come on, Millie.

We've got a wedding to get to.

Sharon!

-Mike!

-Everything OK?

Fine. You?

Fine, yeah.

Oh, there you are.

I was just about to send out a search party.

This is Craig, he's going to be giving me away.

Yes, yes. Shall we?

Would you mind reading this out, please?

It's Elrond's blessing.

You know, the elf dude.

From The Lord of the Rings?

Elrond the elf.

Well, if there's time, er, shall we?

Up the stairs, as quick as you like.

Thank you very much.

Sorry, everyone.

-Sorry!

-That's right, everyone take your places.

Fast as you can.

Thank you.

We're ready at last.

So, hello and welcome.

We are gathered here today...

We are gathered here today...

What're you doing? You can take pictures afterwards.

-I need to get out.

-But they've started.

So have I. Sorry.

Excuse me, sorry, thank you.

-Just talk amongst yourselves.

-Look after that, will you, love?

-Sorry.

-Excuse us.

Right.

-As I was saying...

-Sorry, can we

just press the pause button for a second?

Because that man was going to say a few words,

so he really needs to be here.

And who's he, Bilbo Baggins?

No. Tony.

My ex-husband.

Is this it? It's just a building.

What did you expect, a palace of spun sugar?

Where are they?

This way!

Now you're talking.

Ah! Argh!

I am definitely having this baby now!

What?! Are you sure?

It's just, I read online you can get these cramps...

Tony, I'm a midwife, of course I'm sure!

Ah, OK. Ah, stay calm...

I am calm, which makes one of us.

Ah, right, OK, we need to get you to the maternity unit.

SHE GROANS

I don't think there's going to be time for that,

you're going to have to call the midwife.

Don't say it!

The next party will be arriving soon, there'll be a wedding jam.

I'll go see what's keeping Dad.

I told you you'd regret inviting him.

Great minds think alike, eh?

Whoa, dude, did you have a fight with a puddle?!

I'm not doing anything wrong.

Relax. We both have the same idea.

Why sit there listening to boring "Blah, blah, I do",

when we could be getting stuck into the buffet?

-I'm Ollie.

-Jake.

Have a cake, Jake.

They're getting restless.

It's OK,

I've got this.

All right? I'm Craig.

How's it going? Now, I know you all know Marry You, eh, am I right?

Yeah? Well...

# It's a beautiful night

# Looking for something dumb to do

# Hey, baby

# I think I wanna marry you... #

That's my boy.

# Is it the look in your eyes...? #

Oh, where are they, Jake?

Jake?

Where are you, Jake?

Jake?!

Millie!

We need Dad, like, yesterday.

Craig has started singing!

He's not coming, Amber is having the baby!

What?! You're kidding!

Is this my "I'm kidding" face?!

Dad's in there delivering a baby, on his own.

-He needs us.

-Wait!

If Mum's wedding is ruined, she will never get over it.

She needs us, too!

You know what this is?

This is the ultimate in-between moment.

THEY LAUGH, THEY CRY

How are we supposed to choose?

Wedding, baby.

Mum, Dad. Wedding, baby...

OK, you're babbling. Do you want me to slap you?

Yes... No!

Hi, I'm here.

-Where do I go?

-Who are you with, the bride or groom?

Um, neither.

I'm with the baby.

-BOTH:

-The midwife!

# Hey, baby

# I think I want to marry you... #

APPLAUSE

Who knows the words to Thinking Out Loud?

-Yeah?

-I think we'll leave it there, Son.

-Yeah?

-It was great.

Where is he?

Pretty busy right now.

He's supposed to be giving his speech.

OK, he gave me his speech, I'll read it.

Hi, I'm meant to be my dad.

LAUGHTER

I think it's very brave of Sharon to have another go,

especially after the first time.

And Mike's a tolerant guy, he'll need to be.

No, wait...

-I...

-Millie, Millie!

-Fran?

-Sorry, long story.

-Here.

-Thanks.

Perfect timing.

Right, I'll start again, then.

Hi, I'm Tony.

I know it's a bit odd, me being here.

But nothing's that normal about our family,

or should I say "families"?

So I'm here to wish Sharon all the best,

and to give my love to our two gorgeous, amazing girls.

I can't read this...

Anyway, it's Mum and Dad who are amazing.

But together they were a bit like...

..two left boots?

And then Mum met Mike, and Craig.

We gave them a bit of a hard time at first,

just to check they were up to it.

And they were.

And now,

now, I can't really picture life without them.

And I think...

I think this is all going to work out fine.

APPLAUSE

Mike and Sharon, I'm happy to be here on your big day.

Except, he's not here, he's out there having a baby!

What? Mum!

May I please carry on?

That was amazeballs.

Yeah.

What's a "Hamilton Party"?

A Hamilton Party is where we've eaten the food

meant for someone else's wedding.

Let's get out of here!

This is not how I planned this to be!

SHE YELLS

It's OK, you're doing really well.

Thanks.

Mum!

Mum? Mum!

Wait, wait, wait... What are you doing here?

-Tony!

-Where have you been?

Did you give him the speech?

Mum's having the baby!

-What?!

-Tony!

Wait here!

-JAKE:

-Yes!

Does anybody here know any reason why Mike and Sharon

should not be married here today?

AMBER YELLS

I take that as a "no"!

I now declare you husband and wife.

APPLAUSE

And now you really must go, or we'll be backed up here for hours.

No, but I just wanted to say...

I just wanted to tell everyone here...

..how much I love you.

And the girls. And...

how lucky I am to have found you.

Oh...

And if we're all done here...

Wait! The blessing of Elrond?

Seriously?

Oh, give it here!

I've always wanted to do this!

Look not too far ahead...

..but go with good hearts...

..and let the blessings of elves and men...

..go with you.

BABY CRIES

Hey, what's up? Did I miss anything?

Now then, the honeymoon.

Ah, yeah! I vote somewhere hot.

-Hawaii?

-You're not coming!

-No way!

-What?!

-Look who's here!

-Hi, guys.

-Hello. How cute...

-He's well small.

-And unbelievably gorgeous!

-JAKE:

-I'm a big brother now.

-CRAIG:

-Yeah.

-So come on, have you thought of a name yet?

-AMBER:

-We were thinking Hector.

Oh, right, after the ancient Trojan hero?

-DAD:

-Actually, no. After Amber's grandad.

So that was a seriously crazy 24 hours.

And who was I kidding, no-one would lose it?

And I was the worst!

But now, Mike is Mr Mum, and Dad is a new dad!

And I just knew Lauren and Mum would go all gaga over the baby.

I don't see what all the fuss is about, myself.

Hey, Mills. Here you go.

Aw!

Hello, Hector.

Hello! Now, I will tell you who all these people are later, OK?

But trust me, I think you're going to like it here.