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ALARM BEEPS, MILLIE GASPS
I know what you're thinking.
Why would any sane teenager get up at 7.15 on a Sunday morning...
..let alone risk waking up their big sister?
No, she needs her beauty sleep.
You weren't going to wake me up, were you?
What?! No! Of course I was!
Every year, Lauren and I get into a competition
over who can give Dad the best Father's Day.
Last year, things got a bit out of hand.
HE CHUCKLES I made it myself.
That's so sweet.
And so weenie.
-Here's my card.
And I know you said no presents, but I just couldn't resist.
Neither could I.
So, this year, we've agreed to do everything together.
One card, one pressie and one breakfast in bed.
That way, neither of us can outdo the other
and there will be no trouble.
-Can you not open the door?
Lauren, stop it! What are you doing?
LAUREN LAUGHS Lauren!
I was just...resting my face.
OK, so, you give Dad his card and I'll give him his present.
That way, we're even.
Wait, why do you get to give the present?
Because I paid more than you.
Um, it was my LITERAL idea.
It was not!
Right, so we both give it to him at the exact same time.
-One hand each.
-But which hand?
Fine, let's go.
Hm? Oh, nothing, just a card for Mike.
But we don't give Mike Father's Day cards
cos he's not our father.
I thought he'd be touched.
Oh, yeah, that's... really thoughtful of you.
Good. Let's go.
You know what?
It is a bit early.
I expect Dad would like a lie-in.
Couldn't you have thought of this before?!
You go back to bed, I'll wake you in, say, half an hour.
Dad can wait.
Oh, no, I was not born yesterday!
You set your phone to wake me up!
I knew I couldn't trust her.
This is typical Lauren and her competitiveness is so immature.
But there is still time for me to win.
TONY HUMS A TUNE
-Do you want a cup of tea?
nothing before my breakfast in bed from Lauren and Millie.
That's the tradition.
My belly is empty, but my heart is full.
-Well, my belly's full, but my throat's dry, so...
But if they don't find out, where's the harm, eh?
-I'll make it, you're pregnant!
No, you stop in bed and have a nice Father's Day lie-in,
could be your last chance for years.
Happy Father's Day!
I made you tea,
it's your favourite - peppermint and mushroom.
Thanks. What time is it?
Quarter to eight.
What day is it?
Well, I just... I normally have a lie-in on a Sunday.
Well, this Sunday is special.
I knew it!
What? No, I was just coming to wake you up.
Scoring points with Mike behind my back! You snake!
-No, I was just...
-Taking him tea in bed?
Where are you going?
To make Mike breakfast and there is nothing you can do about it.
Oh, that is low!
-And what about Dad?
-What about Dad?! You started this!
I didn't, it was you!
Should I put "Tony" or "Dad"?
Well, he and Mum are having a baby,
so that at least makes him half our dad.
That's a yes, I'll put "Dad".
-SECURITY ENTRANCE BUZZES
That will be Millie and Lauren!
-Can someone get that, please?
KNOCK AT DOOR
-Fancy you turning up just in time for Father's Day.
OK, now you sign.
Don't do that!
Jake the snake!
Look at you two!
Has your hair grown or have your heads got smaller?
He's trying to make a joke.
So, been decorating the new pad, eh?
Cool vibes, is it?
What are you two up to?
-Oh, it's nothing...
-We're just making a card.
Too late to pretend now.
It's for me, isn't it?
I knew you wouldn't forget your old man!
Of course we wouldn't.
"To the best dad in the world.
"Thanks for always being there."
This means a lot.
We meant every word, didn't we, Fran?
And in return, I've got some mega exciting news for you.
You're getting us a puppy?
A puppy each!
How would you like it if we saw each other a whole lot more often?
I know what you're up to.
We share Dad, but you want Mike for yourself.
Oh, please! Go and find your own stepdad.
He is my stepdad!
You're just jealous.
You've never had anything of your own, just my hand-me-downs.
Clothes, toys, insults.
That is so not true!
That is so true.
Why can't I get a new one?
This is way too big.
Don't be silly.
Just...take it in a bit.
She even tried to give me Lauren's old trainers,
but I put my foot down there.
I'm less competitive than you!
Do you think you can do better than pancakes?
Yeah, a fry-up.
There's still time.
We'll give Mike a choice.
Pancakes or a fry-up, see which one of us he likes best.
You mean which breakfast.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Yeah, I was starving. Do you want a bit?
Oh, no, remember the girls.
One bite! They'll never know!
Mm-mn. Bacon breath, it's a dead giveaway.
But they're here now, right?
Oh, that was Andy for the kids. Sorry.
Hey, I found something really cool for the baby.
It's a cot shaped like a bumper car.
Oh, I'm really sorry, I ordered a cot yesterday.
Shaped like a...?
Well, no bother.
I'll get one of these hanging mobiles instead, then.
-What, you've ordered a hanging mobile?
Well, I can send it back.
Is there anything that you haven't ordered?
I could get maybe like an 18th birthday present.
My little footballer!
It's going for a goal - quick!
I can't feel anything.
It's stopped, must have been sent off.
-DOOR SLAMS SHUT
This is my special day and I would like to be asleep
so I can enjoy it properly.
You should have sieved that flour, those are going to be lumpy.
Well, your beans are going to be has-beens!
Move it! I need to get to the grill!
-You're going to whisk me(?)
THEY BOTH SNIFF
Are those my sausages burning?!
You did this!
You sabotaged my pancakes!
Right, get out of the way, I'm starting again.
Not a chance, fish breath!
They're the last ones! Let go, you hobbit!
Oh, perfect(!) What now?
Where are you going?
Lauren, wait! DOOR SLAMS
No, there's no mess so big it can't be ignored on Father's Day.
POP MUSIC PLAYS
Are Millie and Lauren here, carrying a huge bag full of breakfast?
No, it's Dad, and guess what? He's moving!
Oh, I'm sorry, Jake, not too far away, I hope.
-What?! You mean, just around the corner?
And that means I get to visit him all the time.
Oh, great! I mean, that'll be nice for you.
Also, he's going to teach me drums.
What, air drums?
Nah, proper real ones and I can be AS LOUD AS I LIKE!
So, what is it, then, is it like a small flat?
Are you back to sleeping on a Lilo?
No, we get a room each and they are massive.
But you'll still have time for old Tony, though, eh?
And guess what? We get to keep a pet.
Because I'm not allowed one here.
Sultanas, breakfast of sultans!
Couple of slices of apple, heaven.
Hey. We've got to go to our dad's.
Enjoy your day.
It's... It's good news about him moving, though, eh?
It won't happen. This is what he always does.
I-I mean... I mean, that would be a shame.
Why is he moving anyway?
He says his girlfriend wants to settle down and raise cats.
Happens to the best of us.
Not Dad, he's not the settling-down type.
Maybe this time.
No. In a few days,
we'll be sitting around waiting for him,
but he'll never show up.
I know how that feels.
-Where are they?!
Right, get out of my way, you worm!
-I am using the cooker!
-Not if I get there first!
-Real pets, in the flat? Cool!
Come on, they're waiting for you.
I'm not going. What's the point?
Don't you want to meet Andy's new girlfriend?
I met the last one.
We'll never see her again.
Maybe you could give him a chance.
It seems like he's really trying this time.
And it is Father's Day.
Hurry up! Dad said we can put a rabbit hutch in the garden
if there's enough time!
Rabbits AND cats? Is that a good idea?
Oh, it will be fine.
-He says I can have a python to keep them in check.
Come on, come on, hurry up!
You were joking about getting a python, weren't you?
Yeah. I'm really getting a Komodo dragon.
-Anyone know where I can find a couple of tearaways?
Dad, we're ready!
TONY STRUMS THE UKULELE
Here, let me give you a hand with that.
No, you can't get up, remember?
If I lie here much longer, I'll be half man, half mattress.
I'd forgotten it's antenatal yoga this afternoon.
I hadn't, I've been looking forward to it.
You don't have to come. Besides, you can't do it on an empty stomach.
Well, maybe you can have lunch in bed.
And that's me done.
Look what I've got!
Muffins, Danish pastries, croissants, custard slice...
Look, I know your body is a temple, but it is Father's Day.
Couldn't just be a dustbin?
Go on, then.
-Jammy doughnut! Hm?
Glass of smoothie.
Pot of coffee.
But where did you get that?
Corner shop, while you were cruising hair grips.
-You got him a card!
Who opened it?!
Don't look at me!
Craig! I'll kill him!
-TONY'S STOMACH RUMBLES
Oh, come on! Where are you?
Oh, it's Dad!
Oi, give that back!
"To Mike, chichi-no hi omedetou!"
You really went all out on this, suck-up!
What is your problem?!
"Thanks for everything!
"Lots of love Lauren and...
PHONE STOPS RINGING
You signed it from both of us?
'Hi, it's Lauren, can't get to the phone right now.'
But my signature looks so real.
Thanks. I forge it all the time.
Why didn't you tell me it was a joint card?
I wrote it this morning when you were in the shower,
didn't really think about it.
That makes me feel pretty small.
Yeah, well, no surprises there.
Sorry I underestimated you.
This was a really nice thing to do.
And maybe I am a bit competitive.
Look, why don't we put all of this on the one plate
and give it to Mike together?
-One hand each?
Then we'll go to Dad's.
'Hi, this is Millie's phone. Please leave a message after...'
I'm absolutely starving!
Don't even look at it!
These are for Mike.
Where have you been?
Out getting breakfast for Dad.
Well, back away from our breakfast!
Do you know how much trouble we have gone to?
Well, you shouldn't have bothered.
I get MacDougall's for my dad every Father's Day.
-Yeah, cos it's our tradition.
Cos he's MY dad!
And, if I remember correctly, you two, you have your own dad.
Well, yeah, we're just getting to him.
Yeah, luckily he's really patient.
Which one do you want next?
-It's our tradition!
What is that racket?!
Oh, it's just the kids, ignore them, it's Father's Day.
No, it's my special day, I will go and sort them out.
PHONE RINGS, ARGUING CONTINUES
'Hi, you've reached Sharon,
'leave me a message and I'll get back to you.'
Right, I'm getting up.
Ow! Oh, my legs! They've gone to sleep!
Why would he have an Egg MacDougall when he can have an Egg McMillie?
Or Pancakes O'Lauren?
Just back off, yeah, you dad rustlers?
Guys, can you keep it down?
-I'm trying to eat my body weight in pastry...
-ALL: Happy Father's Day!
Look, I got you the traditional MacDougall's!
-And I've made your favourite!
Thanks, guys. I can't believe I forgot our tradition, Craig.
-The thing is, I've already...
Look! You got the little mutant boy!
They've gone to all this trouble, Mike, for you,
on Father's Day!
Right, em, where do I start, eh?
Hello? Anyone there?
"To the best dad in the world."
Just cos he's got his fancy real drums.
-Delicious, eh, Dad? Eat up!
Look, got a shield with the mutant...
Oh, great! Another mouth to feed!
Oh, I get it.
Bacon, anything you fancy.
Thanks, but I can see that I'm interrupting.
-Wait, Dad, we were just...
-It's OK, Millie.
You're busy with Mike. I'll make my own breakfast.
Scrambled eggs? Please! Anything! I'm begging you!
DOOR CLOSES We've really messed this up.
Come on, let's go.
These are lush!
He's only had a bite. Just take it, eat up!
So, come on, spill. How was it?
Just all right?
It was awesome, we had such a good time!
Dad has done so much work on the flat already.
What?! He put in a cat flap!
Well, that's a start.
And he's knocking down some of the walls for an extension.
Seems pretty serious.
Sounds like he might be staying for a while.
And I'm helping with demolition. Smash!
We'll see about that.
Dad's new girlfriend is a wildlife warden.
I've never met someone who actually wanted to talk about bats.
She's so cool.
Well, I suppose it depends what your definition of cool is, but...
We're going to this old barn which has a whole colony of horseshoes.
I'm glad you like her.
She's not as cool as you, though. No-one is, Mum.
We're sorry, Dad.
We didn't mean to forget you, we just got a bit tied up with Mike.
It's fine, Mike's great,
I can see why you'd want to make a fuss of him.
And... I'm only your real father, so...
Look, it wasn't about Mike, it was about us.
It was just me and Lauren getting into another stupid competition.
-She's right, it was all her fault.
-No, it wasn't!
And there you go again.
The point is, we messed up and we're sorry.
And to prove it, I've got you...
I mean WE'VE got you a present.
-That is so cool!
Aw, thanks, girls!
You know, feeling guilty kind of gives me an appetite.
Scrap breakfast, how about lunch in bed?
No, you've done enough cooking.
I'll take us to the cafe.
-OK, but WE are buying.
-It's a deal!
-Dad, can you lend me some money?
Hey, Sharon, check this out!
Zorbing? What's zorbing?
White-water paintball zorbing!
Oh, that's a lot clearer.
Yeah, Dad's going to love it.
It's a lot more dangerous than regular zorbing.
Yeah, it sounds more like a day out for you. He is in his 40s.
Nah! I'll go ask him now, yeah?
Not until we've cleared this lot up.
Oh, look, he's spark out.
Maybe he's meditating.
It's probably best just to leave him.
Well, maybe we could go to the zorbathon, eh?
You know me so well!
Every year, you pull it out the bag!
BOTH: Zorbathon! Aaargh!
Now, this one is going to be great.
-OK, quickly, write your name. Quick, he's coming.
Maybe that second ice-cream sundae was a mistake.
Especially after the spaghetti splatter.
There you are, I thought you'd finally merged with the mattress!
Look what Millie and Lauren gave me.
Oh! I think he likes it! Quick!
Dad said it was the best present ever.
We got you a card, but Dad opened it by mistake.
Oh, that was for me?
So we made you this.
"To Tony, our shared dad.
"You light up our house..."
Some cards and presents are worth the wait.
He didn't cry when he read our card!
Next year, Millie, next year!
We'll make him cry like a baby!
Next year there will literally be one.
-Lunch is ready!
Father's Day can be tricky,
especially if you've got two fathers.
I've already got some ideas for next year...
so I'll be way ahead of Lauren.
-You are having the biggest portion going.