Survival Surveillance Millie Inbetween

-"Tip me into your hand," Mike?

-Ooh.

CARD PLAYS WEDDING MARCH

Oh, it's from my old friend Charlotte.

She's getting married. "Throw me."

Oh!

-Don't.

-Oh, and Charlotte's parties are legendary.

This invite is for the whole weekend.

A whole weekend on our own, fantastic!

That's wonderful news!

I just know that you two are going to have a really special time.

Yeah, I'll call her later, let her know we can't be there.

But, Mum, your oldest, dearest friend Carla...

-Charlotte.

-Charlotte. You can't let her down.

Yes, but what will you lot get up to when we're gone?

-ALL:

-Nothing!

THEY LAUGH

Honestly, where is the trust?

Mum, you cannot keep saying no to things.

I deserve a life too, you know.

I meant you deserve a life.

I can say no if I think you lot are going to get up to no good.

Sharon, Lauren and I are both responsible young adults.

Well, you're young - I'll give you that.

One out of three ain't bad.

Lauren and I had to grow up fast,

if anyone knows how to cope on their own without parents,

functioning parents,

-it's us.

-What?

-Your dad and I never left you guys on your own.

-Erm...

Dad did and we were fine.

No, I don't think...

-No, he didn't.

-Focus, we're nearly there.

Yeah, I guess Dad and Amber are more chilled.

Just trusts us more.

OK, so it was a bit risky playing the Mum versus Dad card,

but it worked. The wedding's tomorrow,

which means two whole days of freedom...

..for us.

Mum, did you get any extra hot chocolate?

You know how I like a cup before turning in early.

Ha-ha.

Have fun at the wedding, but don't go too wild.

-We know what you're like.

-You can 100% trust us.

-Well, me anyway.

-We know.

-You do?

Yeah. In fact, we trust you so much we got one more young responsible

adult to join you for the weekend.

Yeah, responsibility levels off the scale.

DOORBELL RINGS

Thanks for having me, Auntie Shaz.

Oh, you're welcome.

HE COUGHS

The family's gone rock climbing, shame I got this chest infection.

I was really keen to try my first undercling.

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Of course you were, mate.

Funny how often something stops him from enjoying the great outdoors.

-Ollie?

-Hey, Millie.

So money for food and emergencies.

Lauren, what's an emergency?

-Out of lip gloss.

-No, ditto clothes, movies,

and printing party invites.

Don't be silly, we'd send them online.

Not that we're going to.

BOTH: I'll take it.

She knows that I'm more responsible.

We'll see.

Right, be good.

ALL: Bye!

Don't go too wild!

Bring on the freekend!

It's a weekend...

..free from parents.

-BOTH:

-Oh!

THEY CHEER

Freekend!

Haven't you used up all your screen time this week?

Yeah, and now I'm using up your screen time.

Whoa, you really need to unclutter your inbox.

I've been meaning to, but I just don't know how.

-Can you help me, darling?

-Not right now.

I wanted to watch an unboxing clip of the new box set

on my favourite TV show.

You want to watch someone unboxing a box?

Thank you.

Fran's time's up too.

Thank you!

Why's Franma e-mailing someone called Dan?

And why is he glad that Flora chose him?

I don't know, but you shouldn't be reading through

-other people's e-mails.

-I'm not! Well, I am,

but it's just the subject line, so it doesn't count.

Hold on...

..he says he wants to make her dreams come true.

-So?

-You don't think...?

No. Yes!

-Franma's dating!

-Yeah, right.

Then why have they agreed to take things slow at first?

Let's have a look. But why would Franma want to date?

She always says, "Me time, not he time."

Poor Franma, she must be lonely.

-But she has us.

-It's not the same.

Now that we know, we can help her.

The last time that she was dating, people didn't have mobile phones.

So they used to send emojis by post?

We just need to get her to tell us that she's dating first,

so she doesn't know that I saw the e-mails.

-What are you doing?

-Pretending I still have a phone,

so I don't get dragged into this.

Argh! Movies have lied to us.

When kids are alone in movies, that's when all the exciting stuff

happens. Turns out that no parents is even more boring than parents.

There aren't even any useless burglars trying to break in

-or anything.

-This is like the weekend that time forgot.

-How long till they come back?

-What a bunch of amateurs,

haven't even searched the cupboards.

-Duh.

-Yes, lad. To me.

Kale crunchies? Urgh.

What say we kick off the freekend with an outrageous feast,

and as I am wildly talented, I'll even cook.

-I could eat.

-We can have all the cool things that Mum won't buy us.

Like toasted potato waffles and microwavable cheeseburgers.

Family size tubs of cookie dough ice cream?

Yes! And squirty cheese.

-Ew.

-Really?

What? I like squirty cheese.

Right, here is the money for the feast.

-Wow!

-Making dinner is easy,

I don't know why Mum makes such a fuss about it.

Right, start with these.

-Yum, yum.

-I'll be back soon.

Oh, Gran, your horoscope says that you'll meet someone special soon

who'll sweep you off your feet.

So, have you?

-Have I what, dear?

-Been swept off your feet?

Rushed off my feet more like.

What does mine say?

What about the weekend,

got any plans?

SHE SIGHS

-E-MAIL PINGS

-Ah, goodie.

How about an afternoon with your dad tomorrow?

He phoned this morning.

Sure, but not zip wiring again.

Last time we went, he kept cutting in front of me.

Oh, I'm not going, just you two and your dad.

Guess who's got a date tomorrow!

Us with Dad, Franma just said.

No, Franma. Read the signs, Jake.

She got all touchy when I asked her if she'd met anyone,

and now she's trying to get rid of us tomorrow.

But why won't she tell us?

Maybe she thinks she's too old.

That's ridiculous, you can date anyone at any age.

Look at Mum and Tony for example, they're ancient.

You know what we need to do with Franma?

-Get my phone back off her.

-No, show her that it's all fine.

-GLASSES CLINK ALL:

-Cheers!

Here we are.

So it's toasted potato waffles,

in a red currant jus,

with a parsnip puree,

garlic broccoli,

with almonds and a chervil foam.

Oh, and of course, the lobster tails.

I'm glad I popped in.

THEY LAUGH

Mm, I'm getting the crunch of the waffle,

the tartness of the red currant,

balanced with the creamy puree.

Is the chervil a bit much, though?

No, it brings it all together.

-Nice one, Ollie.

-Oh, thanks, guys.

What was Mum worried for?

Look at us, being all responsible and sophisticated.

Can I have some cash, please?

It's an emergency.

Dino World is in 3-D for one day only and a crowd of us are going.

I don't know why you're asking me. I gave Ollie the envelope.

Yeah, but that wasn't all the money, was it?

No way.

-He can't have spent it all.

-SHE LAUGHS

What? Lobster tails aren't cheap.

Lauren gave me the money for food.

Yeah, food for four teenagers plus one hanger on.

This isn't the MasterChef final.

Chillax, children. I thought this would happen...

..if Lauren was in charge.

So I asked uncle Mike for some emergency, emergency money.

Oh, that's why you two winked at each other.

Et, voila.

It's gone.

Oh, erm...

I took the money for a taxi.

-There was a lot to carry.

-How did you even find it?!

I told you, I searched the cupboards.

Great, so Gordon Ramsay has blown all the cash.

I'm so happy we asked Mum to leave us alone.

No-one eat any more.

This has got to last us the whole weekend.

-We're rationing.

-Stop it!

Urgh, why aren't there any adults here to blame?!

-I'm off to bed.

-Me too.

Night, Lauren.

I'll text you in five minutes.

You're all welcome. I'll clean up, then.

Now that the money is gone, we're stuck here,

but at least we've got the place to ourselves.

I've just had a 30 minute shower with Mum's posh shampoo

that she never shares.

Good morning. Or should I say good afternoon.

Yeah, it was until Mum texted me to say stop being lazy,

and get out of her bed.

How did Mum know that I was in her nice big double bed, huh, Millie?

-I don't know.

-Yeah, right. Maybe because I called dibs first,

-you should not be bitter and snitch!

-I didn't.

I'm going to take a shower.

Just in case you want to inform your spy bosses!

"Spy bosses"?

LAUREN SCREAMS

Millie!

Whoops. I used all the hot water.

Well?

Oh, Sharon, you look amazing!

Well, you don't look too shabby yourself.

Shall we?

You don't miss the kids, do you?

Yeah, but you know what they say -

absence makes the heart grow fitter.

-Isn't it fonder?

-Yeah, but our hearts will be fitter,

because we'll have no stress from the kids.

Yeah, and I'm not worried about what they're up to either,

-because it's all about...

-BOTH: ..trust.

Oh, hang on.

They'll be fine.

Yeah, I'm just checking.

This live streaming's brilliant.

Jake, music.

# Someone told me... #

What is this?

-Ed Sheeran.

-I said find something romantic.

It's Ed Sheeran.

# ..and make mistakes from time to time... #

Ow! Why are you sitting in the dark?

-It's called mood lighting.

-Oh, you two are putting me in a mood.

Hurry up, your dad's waiting.

OK, we're going. Oh, and by the way, you're never too old to wear purple.

And remember, any more than 13 heart emojis just looks desperate.

OK, so the idea is - you slide down the stairs on the mattress.

Bonus point if you do it backwards.

Then you climb the stepladders with no hand,

and then you leap from chair to chair with your eyes closed.

I call it a Ride of the House Ninja.

More like ride to A&E.

Look, I came here to escape physical challenges!

It'll be perfectly safe, whoever's fastest is the winner.

Or whoever's alive by the end.

-Shall we go and set up?

-Be my guest.

-MESSAGE PINGS

-Got a text. From Mike!

"Don't do anything stupid."

How did he know I was about to do something stupid?

I mean, daring.

Maybe he just knows you're a potential maniac.

Or someone's dobbed me in!

-Lauren!

-What?

Lauren, you traitor!

What is this,

an art installation for demented spiders?

This is Ride of the House Ninja.

In here is round two -

the laser room. I had to use string.

My kind of lasers. Nice.

-Why did you tell Mike about it?

-I didn't.

Did you tell Mum I was searching for my birthday presents?

No, because - one, I didn't know you were doing that,

and two, if I did, I would have helped.

Well, I just got a text saying, "Find anything yet, Snoopy?"

And here you are, out of the blue.

-Well, it wasn't me.

-Yeah, and it wasn't me that told Mike about your

-lame ninja playground.

-And it wasn't me who told Mum that you were

-sleeping in her bed.

-Show me your phone.

-Touch my phone,

-and you'll lose fingers!

-What have you got to hide, Lauren?!

-No!

-Show me your phone!

-There's nothing!

-I've got nothing on my phone!

-Show me your phone!

THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

Stop! Calm down!

Is that Mike's tablet?

He said he was taking that with him.

-Strange.

-I think we're being watched.

-He must be streaming us on his tablet.

-That's how Mike and Sharon

know what we're going to do before we even do it.

There must be other cameras.

Lost a few points there, mate!

Upstairs!

DOORBELL RINGS

Stupid.

-A rose for my rose...

-No time, we're being watched.

Got it! Action camera at 11 o'clock.

AM or PM?

-What?

-Don't look, they might be watching.

What are we going to do?

Yeah, it's the safety camera from Mike's bike.

Oh, come to think of it,

I saw a suspicious device downstairs in the kitchen.

I mean, it might just be a smoke alarm, but...

OK.

It's on the wall by the door.

That is a smoke alarm.

-Oh.

-To be fair, it is very camera-like.

Thank you.

We're still being totally spied on.

Wait.

What lovely weather we're having. I love Scotland.

"We're being bug..."?

Sh! Lauren!

Millie, this is no time to be hand dancing.

It's code. We all need to split up,

look for more cameras and microphones,

-then regroup.

-OK.

Good idea, and remember - act natural.

There won't be one in there.

Guys, on top of the kitchen cupboard.

Don't look.

OK, act normal.

Hurry up! Don't see why you needed your coat.

I don't, duh. I want to see if her date was going well.

I'm sorry, but it's just not working.

Oh, please don't say that.

-I so wanted it to work.

-Dan and Gran are breaking up.

Is it cos their names rhyme? That would put me right off.

-What can I do?

-Nothing, it's a compatibility problem.

It doesn't help if one is much older.

What a cheek, he thinks she's too old for him.

I understand. If we can't make it work,

we can't make it work.

I suppose that's it, then.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

MUSIC: Get Down On It By Kool & The Gang

Get down!

-What's going on at home?

-Nothing.

In fact, they look bored.

Bored is good.

-Right, come on, I've requested the Macarena.

-Ooh!

OK, to confirm - four cameras, living room,

landing, kitchen, hallway.

The microphones were turned off.

Affirmative.

Then why are you both whispering?

-Oh.

-Oh, yeah.

I can't believe this, Mum and Mike don't trust us at all.

The whole time they've just been spying on us.

Like they expect us to be irresponsible.

Well, we did blow all the money.

-You did.

-Well, if that's what they expect,

then that's what we should give them.

-Go on.

-Right, first we need to make sure that they're watching.

I'll text Mike and ask where he keeps his drill,

that'll get him watching his little CCTVs.

Perfect. Things are about to get wild.

Fake wild.

Yes!

THEY LAUGH

Remember, look like you're going for the mirror.

Pretend you smashed it.

-The bath, it's leaking.

-Lauren!

I'm sorry!

-Mum's dresses?

-Mm-hm.

Which one should I choose?

-This one.

-This one?

Definitely.

-Oh, no!

-Lauren! What have you done?

-What have I done?

-Up the stairs,

come on, wash it. Come on!

I'll get the lights.

Ollie, stand-by. Now get the cracked glass.

Great. Turn it off.

She's not here, must've taken the break-up pretty bad.

Yeah, she's too good for him, and Dan's a dumb name.

Oh, I didn't hear you guys come back.

You had other things on your mind.

Jake, go get some ice cream. How about we watch a rom-com?

What? No, I hate rom-coms.

But they're good once you've just been dumped.

-Helps you get it all out.

-Excuse me? Who dumped me?

-She's in denial.

-I don't have a boyfriend.

That's right, Dan's your ex now.

-Who's Dan?

-Look, you don't have to be embarrassed.

-We know that you met Dan online.

-Yeah, and we heard him break-up

-with you this afternoon. What a creep.

-Dan?

Oh, you mean Digital Applications Network?

-Is that your pet name for him?

-No!

DAN is a company.

And the one you heard earlier when you were spying is a nice young man

-called Ash who works for them.

-Oh, so you're dating Ash?

I'm not dating anyone!

I hired him to teach me how to use the editing software

on the computer. I wanted to edit the videos on my phone!

With all my lovely grandkids and me on the zip wire holding a flare.

-Why didn't you just ask us for help?

-I did, but you're always too busy on

your gadgets and gizmos to teach me.

So when Ash said you're too old...

He was talking about the computer, thank you very much.

It needs its GPU updated.

-Whatever that is.

-That actually makes way more sense.

I have a lot of admirers,

and I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell anyone I was dating.

But Ash, a bit young, practically a baby.

I will make sure that I log out of my e-mail account

properly in future.

THEY SIGH

Faking for parents is so exhausting.

Yeah, you should know.

Leo, make some Cocoa, we've got to turn in early,

-so we could wake up at six.

-Oh, no way! I want a spy-free lie-in.

Trust me, Mum and Mike will be home extra early.

-Yeah, I better get home.

-Oh, well, I'll text you. Thanks for helping.

It's cool.

-Ah-ha! We caught you.

-What is going on?

Good morning.

-Broccoli?

-Slice of toast?

Anchovy butter?

Why have none of you been answering your phones?

Oh, we fancied an early night, so we switched them off.

-"Early night"?

-Yeah, right, as if.

Well, there's been no parties, no fun.

In fact, this has been the most boring weekend ever.

-Oh, really?

-That is not what it looked like on the...

Oh, my dress, my mirror!

-My tablet screen!

-What about them?

I'm just...I'm just wondering how they are.

-They're fine.

-Yeah, well I'm going to go check.

But I thought you took your tablet with you.

No, it's upstairs.

Oh, right, so it's not this one that was propped up on the book shelf

watching our every move even though you said that you could trust us?

-We can explain.

-No need, you were spying on us.

Well, yes, but good job after we saw what you lot got up to.

THEY GIGGLE

Oh, wait.

This is a set-up, isn't it?

Yeah. Follow me.

-Here you go!

-Oh, what's that for?

To help you wake up, you're going to need your brain on.

Yeah, we're going to show you how to speak computer.

Starting off by showing you how to edit your videos.

Oh, thank you, guys.

Isn't there something else you'd rather do with your day?

-BOTH:

-Nope.

-Oh, well, while we're here,

can you help me join one of those dating websites?

Joking! Your faces.

-Just press that button and then it will play.

-OK.

So, my dress isn't ruined?

Not unless red paper stains.

What about the leak in the ceiling?

A stick and a cup.

And some brilliant acting.

Yeah, but I saw my screen was smashed.

No. You saw this.

We just drew some lines on it.

Now, that is genius.

We were convinced you guys had messed up.

-Yeah, before you'd even left.

-We're sorry.

-It's not like we don't trust you.

-You just really missed our faces?

We ruined your weekend and ours.

Next time, we'll just to leave you to it.

So there will be a next time?

And no cameras.

And it was Mike's idea.

That is so not true.

So we've forgiven Mum and Mike for turning our weekend of freedom into

some strange reality TV show.

It's not that they don't trust us,

it's more that they don't want to admit that we're growing up.

KNOCK ON DOOR Wait for it.

-Hi!

-Mum.

-I was wondering if you'd fancy snuggling up,

-and watching an old musical.

-Oh!

Can we make chocolate milk floats as well?

Yeah, I'll see if there's any sprinkles.

What? I didn't say we were totally grown-up.