Exchange Partners Millie Inbetween

Lauren's Spanish exchange student is staying with us,

so Leo's on the couch.

I was hoping she might liven things up a bit but...

So, Catalina, how was your day?

Did you by any souvenirs?

What would you like to do tomorrow?

Spanish shrugging - so expressive.

It was worse when she first arrived. She talked then.

ALL: Welcome to Scotland!

It's very cold, dark, and wet.

Yes, it is very dreich today.

That's a Scottish word. It means cold, dark, and wet.

Can I take your coat?

I keep coat on, please.

Thank you for the lovely chat.

She just stares at her phone all day. Can't you talk to her, Lauren?

-Lauren?

-Huh?

Oh, I give up.

This could be a long week.

So, um, you got any pets?

Yes.

Any brothers or sisters?

Yes.

-How many?

-One dog and two cats.

So, anyway, this is our school.

It's rated adequate with elements of good.

It looks like a...

Fairy-tale castle?

..prison.

Well, let me show you to your cell.

She seems like a lot of work.

She is.

But on the plus side, she barely comes out of her room.

Ow! Watch where you're going, you big...

Sorry. Excuse, please.

No...

Fault my it was.

HARP PLAYS

My fault, it was my fault.

-I'm Javier.

-Fran.

Yes, Millie.

Voy que te gusta jugar al tenis?

Si. Lo intento.

You speak very well.

Je parle aussi Espanol.

-That's French.

-Oh.

Yeah.

Um...

I hope to see you again soon.

Adios, senoritas.

SHE SIGHS

-Are you all right?

-Yep.

I'm fine.

So, tell me about Toledo. Is it beautiful?

It's OK.

And what's your house like?

It's small, but...

..bigger than here.

I see, well, that's nice.

We're not getting through to her. You need to talk to Catalina.

Mum, I don't have time. I'm revising for a Spanish oral.

We've got to crack this.

The school gave me this questionnaire

that Catalina filled out.

She's keen to learn more about Scottish culture and history.

Do not make me go to the museum of shortbread again.

I know. We could take her to a castle or something.

You could practise your vocab.

Castillo.

I'm tired now. I missed siesta today.

Thank you for the lovely tea.

DOORBELL RINGS

Hey, Ollie. What happened?

Would you believe? Fidget spinner injury!

I fell off a kerb.

Sure. So, I'm guessing your family's gone

white-water rafting or something like that.

No! Mountain biking.

Oh. Catalina, this is my cousin Ollie.

Hi!

His family's very sporty, so he fakes injuries cos he's very lazy.

What? That's not true!

-What's wrong with her?

-A bit moody.

But I see she can perform miracles.

What?

Oh!

Miracles, good one.

Right, well, Fran's here so I'm going to...

..go.

8-0.

Half-time. I'm going to go give myself a team talk.

Hey, Ollie. Family off on another mud run?

Mountain biking.

Watch out.

Leo cheats.

You all right, mate?

Always good to have fresh meat.

I mean, new players.

I need your advice.

-Girls?

-No!

Yes, girls.

-Thought so. Millie?

-What? Ugh!

Millie? Come on!

Yes, OK, but how did you know that?

Because you're always here, laughing at everything she says,

-funny or not.

-Oh.

I like being round her and we get on well.

Then my advice is don't do anything.

If it ain't broke...

Yeah, I guess.

Thanks.

Of course, if you do want to make a play...

..best to be cool about it, be standoffish.

What, you mean ignore her?

If you pay her too much attention, you'll seem desperate.

Make her think you're not into her, then she'll be interested.

Right.

Don't say anything to Jake. You know what he's like.

What was all that about?

He's got a crush on Millie.

Oh!

Oh. Hey. Hand's all better, then?

Rude. What's with him?

I don't know. He usually laughs at anything I say.

Maybe he's got a crush on you.

What?

Like you have on Javier?

-Who?

-Oh, come on, like you don't remember!

The Spanish guy?

No way!

What would make you think that?

That is ridiculous!

Just because he's funny

and handsome

and he's got a really nice accent....

No. Let me show you.

You have to hit through the ball.

Don't move just your arm,

move your whole body.

Oh, no! I do fancy Javier!

Fran, help!

I've got a crush.

-I knew it!

-What am I going to do?

I mean, you could always just ask him out.

I think that's how it works.

Well, what if he says no?

That would be so humiliating.

What if he says yes?

That would be even worse.

Dunmoral Castle, the ancestral home to the Dukes of Dungill.

Built in the 1500s and was once visited by Mary Queen of Scots.

The Queen lives here?

No, a queen.

Once stayed here.

500 years ago.

Oh.

Actually, they do say the old queen walks the battlement at dusk,

calling out to her people.

But she's dead, no?

Yes, I mean her ghost.

Uh, fantasma.

Oh.

Si.

No Catalina today?

No. They've gone to Dunmoral Castle.

-Oh, no.

-What?

-There he is.

-Don't look at him.

It's like staring at the sun.

I can't. I can't not look.

Look at me. Look into my eyes.

You can do this.

OK.

I'm going to ask him on a date.

I can't do it.

I don't even know him.

He'll think I'm shallow.

I think that I'm shallow.

You want me to ask for you?

Yes. Brilliant idea, Fran.

You go. You're immune to his spell.

Fine.

Hola. Como estas?

Bien.

You remember my friend?

You met her yesterday.

Your friend from yesterday, yes, I remember.

Anyway, she wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date with her?

-No entiendo.

-A date. A...

-..cita romantica.

-Cita romantica?

Si. I'd love to.

Great. What about tomorrow at lunchtime?

At the oasis? Dan knows where it is.

-12.30?

-Lunch tomorrow?

-Mm-hm.

-I look forward to it.

-So will she.

I have a date with Fran.

What did he say? He said no, didn't he?

Oh, what was I thinking?

You've got a date tomorrow at 12.30.

Seriously?

Oh, no. What WAS I thinking?!

What to wear? Should I have my hair up or down?

Maybe I should put contacts in.

He said yes when you were wearing glasses.

That's true. But also my uniform, and I can't wear that.

What do you think?

Stop asking me. It's your date.

Sorry. Just jealous.

My plan for tomorrow is to debobble my jumpers...

-..by hand.

-Why don't you come, too?

We could make it a double date.

But who am I going to ask?

How about Ollie?

Hi, Ollie!

Hi, Fran!

See? He does like you.

He didn't even notice I was here.

Is Millie looking at me?

No.

How about now?

No. Why would she look at you? You're ignoring her.

Leo said that would make her like me.

That won't work. Trust me, I know girls.

You?

You've never even had a girlfriend.

But I have a sister and two stepsisters.

So, what do you suggest, then?

OK, here's what I would do.

SHE EXHALES

Look at that view.

Can see all the way to the Firth of Clyde.

Catalina?

Mum? What happened to Mike?

He kept saying that this bit was the highlight.

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Tis I, your Queen!

SHE SCREAMS AND CRIES

Catalina!

Mike, what are you doing?

Bringing history to life, Lauren.

Ollie stopped ignoring me.

"I want to ask you something.

"There's this girl that I like."

See? I told you.

"Thought so. She sitting behind you?"

Two milkshakes?

PHONE CHIMES

"Yes."

"She likes you, too."

-Send.

-Don't!

PHONE CHIMES

"Would she go on a date with me?"

Got to be better than debobbling your jumpers, right?

Go on, then.

"I know she would.

"Lunch tomorrow, here?"

PHONE CHIMES

"It's on."

You've got yourself a date with Ollie.

I've got a date with Millie!

See? I know girls.

So, how was Dunmoral Castle? SHE CLEARS THROAT

You know what? It's probably best not to go into too many details.

Here we go - Scotland's number-one non-deep-fried delicacy.

Haggis, neeps and tatties.

-Mmm.

-Yum!

What is this?

It's sheep's heart, liver and lungs, encased in its own stomach.

I don't think I'm hungry.

Got to have a bit. It's lush!

I have this.

So, I read in your questionnaire you support Real Madrid.

How are they doing this season?

Sorry. I don't feel good.

I go to my room. Thank you for pig entrails.

-It's sheep's entrails!

-SHE SIGHS

I don't get it. What are we doing wrong?

If you ask me, you're overhyping all the Scottish stuff.

Yeah, she might not be an anti-social grump.

She might just be homesick.

I've got it. We throw her a Spanish-themed party tomorrow.

Tapas and flamenco music and sunburn.

I love this house.

Actually, I've got plans tomorrow.

-What?

-I'm meeting Fran for lunch.

Oh, no, you're not, cos Catalina's come a long way to see us.

You show her some courtesy.

But Mum!

Millie, have you got a date or something?

Oh! Come on, then.

Who is he?

Just one of the Spanish exchange boys.

Who'd have thought it?

What does he look like?

Handsome, dark hair, tanned.

Oh, you've got the same taste as your mum.

-Well, I guess we'll have to just make do without you.

-Yeah.

For, like, half an hour or something.

That's how long your last date was,

-wasn't it?

-Well, laugh all you like.

I've got a date with a gorgeous Spanish Adonis and you don't.

Ouch, burn!

I knew make-up would make me look like a clown.

If I'm not old enough to look right wearing make-up,

how can I be old enough to be dating?

I knew this was a mistake.

What if it all goes horribly wrong and I make a fool of myself again?

Or worse... What if it goes really well and we end up hitting it off?

What then?

There's no good way for this to end.

I don't know what I'm doing.

What have I got myself into?

Right, Millie, pull it together. It's going to be fine.

People go on dates every day. There's nothing to it.

Just be yourself.

I looked better with the make-up.

Are you wearing make-up?

-No!

-Come on.

Spill.

OK, like I said,

he's one of the Spanish boys. His name's Javier.

Javier. Oh!

I have waited for this day for so long.

But I need your help.

Either it'll go all wrong and I embarrass myself...

Is there really another option?

..or we'll really like each other.

-So?

-So he's going back to Spain in a few days.

I might as well just crush my dreams now to save the time.

There's no good options.

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating.

Is that it?

What do I do, Lauren?

This is real life, not a romcom.

You're just going to have to work it out for yourself.

But I will tell you one thing -

you don't need make-up.

You look good without it.

Thanks.

Isn't that a Portugal shirt?

Yeah, but I had it already and they're, like, next door.

Well, at least he made an effort.

A tiny one.

ALL: Ole!

You do this for me?

Well, we thought you might be homesick. Um...

Mal a la casa?

This is very kind, thank you.

And you look very funny.

Portugal? We hate Portugal.

Finally.

I am sorry if I have been...

Como dices mal enamorado?

-Moody.

-Si, moody.

Sullen. Grumpy.

-Surly.

-Thank you, Lauren.

This is it. No turning back now.

This way.

-How do I look?

-Fine. Stop fussing.

I'm going to go and check my hair.

It's still on your head.

Find a table.

Hey, Fran. Is Mills here yet?

Yeah, she just went to go check her hair.

I think she's a bit nervous.

I know how she feels.

You don't have to be nervous. It's only me.

What?

Do you want to sit down?

No, thanks. No, I need to go and...check my hair, too.

Buenos tardes, senorita.

Oh. Hi, Javier.

You look very beautiful.

Thanks?

Oh! Look, it's Millie.

Well, I'm going to go check my hair. I'll leave you to it.

Wait, where are you...?

Hi, Javier.

Who are you?

Not "WHO are you", "HOW are you?"

How am I what?

Never mind.

Sorry, I'm just a bit flustered. This is my first double date.

Double?

Ah. Cita doble.

Oh, I didn't realise.

So it's me, Fran, you and...

Ollie, but I don't think he's here yet.

Well, pleasure to meet you.

So, this Ollie, he's nice?

-You like him?

-Ollie?

Well, he's OK.

Kind of take him or leave him, really.

He's not drop-dead gorgeous like you.

Did I just say that out loud?

I...

I need to go and check my hair.

I have got to calm down!

These are my grandparents,

and this is our cat Dali.

-Oh, yes, because he's got a little moustache.

-Si.

And this is my familia fiesta.

Every summer we have a big carnival with food, dancing and...

-..fireworks. You should come.

-Oh, I'd love to.

I can almost smell the paella.

You can, it's the main course.

Oh, look at them all gathered round the blue glow of the phone screen.

It melts your heart.

She's really come out of her shell.

Finally. This party was a great idea.

Don't worry, Catalina, not an entrail in sight.

It's your favourite gazpacho soup.

Not again.

What now?

-It's cold.

-It's supposed to be cold.

I don't understand it. It says here, gazpacho is her favourite.

"Senor J Fernandez." They've given you the wrong list.

-This is for a boy.

-A boy?

Let me see it.

OK. Leave this to me.

So what's your favourite pizza topping, then, Millie?

Probably four seasons.

-Me, too!

-What about you, Javier?

Hm? Oh, I like chorizo,

hot and spicy.

-I bet.

-I like anchovies, if anyone's interested.

Yes, anchovies. That is my favourite.

I love anchovies, too!

-So do I!

-Great, we are the four anchovy lovers.

-Another drink, Millie?

-I'll have a lemonade, if you're asking.

Of course, anything you want.

-Millie?

-Same here, thanks.

So? How do you think it's going?

It would be going better if you'd leave Ollie alone.

I've barely spoken a word to him.

What? Well, maybe you should stop flirting with Javier, then.

He's flirting with me!

As if! You think a lot of yourself, don't you?

Look who's talking.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

OK, Catalina, what's the matter?

We're just trying to do things that are on this list.

Oh, si.

This is not my list.

They give you the wrong one.

OK, fess up.

Who is he and what happened?

I don't know what you mean.

I think you do.

Senor J Fernandez.

We break up just before we come here.

Gazpacho was his favourite.

And all things Scottish and Real Madrid?

Si.

Everything reminds me of Javier.

Javier?

I'm so glad I sent that text.

That whole ignoring thing really wasn't working.

It still isn't.

-What?

-Why don't we swap seats?

Good idea.

Oh! Great.

Maybe Ollie and I should go, leave you two alone.

Fine, bye!

Wait, we are leaving? But we haven't had any pizza.

-There they are!

-Catalina!

Que estas haciendo aqui, tu pequeno gusano infiel?

What did she say?

What are you doing here, you small, unfaithful...

Gusano.

It's a worm.

ALL: Ooh!

Hold on!

You can't just burst in here and...

Mi amor.

I am only here to make you jealous.

Porque me dejaste.

Because you dumped me.

I break up with you because you're unfaithful!

You are at it again.

Hey!

-Como te atreves?

-How dare you!

Is she Spanish?

You must believe me.

No me import a Fran.

"I do not care for Fran?"

But my name's Millie, and that's really insulting.

I'm not on a date with you.

Yes, you are!

No, he's not. I am.

No, you're on a date with Fran!

No! She asked me out to my face.

You did what?

No, I didn't.

-I'm with Ollie.

-Millie, don't listen to her. She's lying!

Ollie, just get off of me!

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

What is going on?

Too complicated.

INDISTINCT ARGUING

Suficiente!

"Enough!"

Catalina, I was not being unfaithful.

La chica con la que me viste...

"The girl that you saw me with..."

..era mi prima.

"..was my cousin."

-Javier.

-Catalina.

That was good translation.

Gracias.

-FRAN:

-So let me get this straight -

none of us were actually on the date with who we thought?

Well, this is embarrassing.

Let's just pretend that this didn't happen and never speak about it,

-ever again.

-Sounds good to me.

-Definitely.

-Could you just chuck me my jacket?

Yep.

Maybe it was a mistake double dating.

Maybe any date is a mistake.

Look, Fran, I'm sorry for arguing with you.

Our friendship is way more important than any boys.

Agreed.

Or, as I'm calling them from now on - gusanos.

So, do you want to order something without anchovies?

Fran?

Fran!

Sorry, what?

A fool, an idiot.

Crazy man. Loco!

No! What am I doing?

No talking!

-You are a lion!

-You're searching for something.

Is it all right, seeing them together?

Yeah, fine. And at least Catalina's finally having fun.

You are useless. Why must I have you on my team?

Oh, yes. You'd be better playing off with a lame donkey.

Maybe I would be better off playing with a lame donkey.

To be honest, I am a bit crushed.

Going on a date is like trying to speak a different language.

It's so easy to say the wrong thing.

It's Jurassic Park!

The Lost World.

Steven Spielberg!

Oh! El Mundo Perdido.

It is lucky you are so handsome.

Mi amor.

Come on, Mum!

CLAMOURING

Tiny!

Small!