The Camera Never Lies Millie Inbetween

Big day. Lauren's got an interview for a photography course.

SHUTTER CLICKS She's got her heart set on it.

No!

What?

Soz.

Put it back, right there!

Stop stressing - you're going to burst something.

I need to be the best of the best of the best, Millie.

I need to be the best, best-ever, best...

OK! I get it.

Oi, Lauren, take a picture of what makes your heart beat faster.

-A cheesecake?

-No, me.

All right. OK.

Head up a bit.

-SHUTTER CLICKS

-Bit more.

I'm worried about her. She's pretty wound-up about this.

And where Lauren's concerned...

-Now dab.

-Oh, sorry, mate.

No! What did you do that for?

Things have this habit of NOT going according to plan.

Well, this is it - the big moment

that's going to make or break me forever.

Well, we're so proud you've made it this far, even if...

it means that we won't see so much of you.

-She's going to nail it.

-Course she is.

Why don't you just coast through on charisma? Works for me.

-Thanks, Leo. I'll keep that in mind.

-DOOR OPENS

Lauren, will you take a quick shot

of me for my personal training flyers?

-Aren't you a teacher?

-It's my summer side-line.

-It'll only take a sec.

-OK.

Got it. I'll send that to you later. Got to go or I'll miss my train.

-Good luck!

-Good luck!

-See you later!

-Goodbye!

-She's going to do it.

And she'll turn me into the world's top male model.

-Boy, are you deluding yourself.

-What?

-I hope Lauren's OK.

Never seen her quite so nervous.

She'll be fine. First Craig, now Lauren, aye?

-Now Lauren what?

-Leaving home, flying the nest,

going out into the big, wide world.

Oh, I hadn't really thought about that.

Yeah, it's exciting isn't it?

One minute they're taking their first steps,

-the next they're getting their own flat.

-Oh, Lauren? In her own flat?

Oh, my little baby girl all grown up.

How did that happen?

What if she gets homesick or just sick?

Who's going to bring her warm milk, you know, rub her back?

I mean, she is still my little girl.

Of course she is.

But they've got to leave home sometime.

-It's from Mum.

-Why is Mum sending Grandma birthday cards?

Just a wild guess but maybe it's her birthday?

Didn't think old people still had birthdays.

It's written on the calendar for next week.

-We have to get her a present.

-But what?

-I don't know, something fancy.

What kind of present would she like?

What if we get her a pet? What about a peacock?

-Peacocks are well fancy.

-What's she going to do with a peacock?

OK, two peacocks.

-You can stop shrugging.

-Sorry, just like the way it feels.

Lots of photos of fruit.

Yes.

I like the colours of fruit.

The way that they are so colourful and fruity.

-Oh, who's this?

-That is Declan, my boyfriend.

-So...

-You're not bad, technically these are solid,

they even show promise.

Thank you, you will not regret this, I promise.

I'm going to work so hard,

I'm going to be up by ten every day...

However, anybody can take pictures of apples or pears or Declan,

what I'm looking for is the unexpected.

Unexpected fruit?

Like kiwi?

We want students who can see the world differently.

I can take different photos of fruit,

-I can go back to the drawing board.

-No more fruit. Please.

You have a good eye,

but right now, we are looking for the best of the best of the best.

I'm sorry, but this time...

..it's a no.

Sharon? Do I really look like that?

-What's wrong with it?

-So I do look like that?

You're doing that thing you do with your lips but, yeah, that's you.

But I've got a double chin and wrinkles.

I can't use this for my flyers.

I mean, who's going to want a fitness session with Grandad?

Oh, you're back!

So, how was it?

On a scale of one to a million how great did they say you are?

-Zero.

-Zero being the best?

No, she hated my photos and I couldn't stop talking about fruit.

It was like I was applying to be a greengrocer.

Hard luck. Here, have some grapes.

-Oh, love.

-Are you certain she said that she hated them?

Those were her exact words?

I can read between the lines, Millie.

I wasn't unexpected enough.

Someone tell me what's going on - did she get in or not?

No, Declan, she didn't get in.

Looks like that plan of being the world's top model is on hold, mate.

What do they know, eh?

-You're brilliant, babe.

-No, I'm not.

I'm just solid.

OK, so we just write down everything we know about Grandma,

and that will help us come up with an idea for a present. Go.

-Erm... She's a grandma.

-Obviously, what else?

She has hair.

Oh, actually, wait, that might be a wig.

-Face it, we don't know what she's into.

-We could just ask her.

We can't just ask her, it won't be a surprise.

Kids, who's for tea?

Oh, Grandma, we were just having a bet

on what your favourite colour is.

Oh, whatever colour matches my mood that day.

We're going to have to find out another way.

You keep her distracted, I'm going to do some digging.

Right. How's that going to help?

It drives me nuts, Lauren's really good

but she's under confident so she gets wound up and blows it.

Meanwhile, Leo thinks that he can do anything.

So I'm making him help me give Lauren a pep talk.

OK. This'll be tricky. She's really hurting.

Don't worry, I've got your back.

-Hey, there are loads of other things you can do.

-Get out.

OK, you've got two choices.

You can pull that blanket over your head and stay there forever...

-Sold.

-..or you can reapply again next year.

You've got 12 whole months to improve your skills.

What skills? In case you haven't noticed,

I am a terrible photographer.

Lauren, solid does not mean terrible, it means...

..dense.

OK, OK, bad choice of words.

It means strong and thick.

Any time you want to just jump in here.

Look, dude, you're taking this way too seriously.

Life isn't all just a big joke,

I had everything planned on starting my diploma this year.

My whole future! And my future children's future.

OK, but you've got to relax, you know.

Let it go, let it flow kind of thing.

Don't care so much.

And sometimes just saying "I got this" makes it work out.

-Translation?

-We believe in you.

-Do you? Really?

-Yes. Really.

Just please don't be so afraid of messing up that you won't

take risks, just fool around.

Yeah. Say, "I'm so awesome,

"I couldn't take a bad picture if I tried!"

-Come on, world, bring it!

-Oh, you idiot.

SHUTTER CLICKS Lauren, what are you doing?

Fooling around. Thanks for the advice, Millie.

Wait a minute, you better not post that.

This won't take long, I've been practising.

Why've you been practising animal noises?

Because, if I learn the noises I can learn their language.

GRUNTS

What's that?

It's a bear, duh. Right, see if you can get this one.

SQUAWKS

-Anteater?

-No, pelican! Right.

SQUELCHING

Giant squid.

POPPING

OK, that's all the animal noises. Bye.

I'm not deleting it.

Mum, she took a photo of me without permission.

I was just trying to capture you in an unguarded moment.

But that's an invasion of privacy.

Mum, she's turned into a pepper...whatsit.

Paparazzi. Don't overreact, Millie, it's just a photo.

Oh, Lauren! Just give me a chance to do my hair.

No, that's the point, I'm trying to capture things

in those little unexpected moments in life.

Well, people at least deserve to know when to expect it.

-SHUTTER CLICKS

-Argh!

-Mike!

-What? I just lost a whole jar of kale I pickled myself.

Lauren, just a thought but maybe you shouldn't only take pictures of us?

There's a whole world out there.

You're right. World, get ready for your close-up.

-What did you get?

-We hit the jackpot.

I found Grandma's photo album.

Sweet. It's bound to have some clues.

These are all just family photos. That doesn't tell us anything.

Maybe if there was like a photo of an aeroplane,

we could've got her a parachute jump.

We are still no closer to knowing what she likes.

-Gotcha! Cheese!

-Lauren, what are you doing?

I'm just capturing people being real,

you don't mind if I hang out here and take a few pics, do you?

Great, thanks. Just do what you'd normally be doing.

-I'm not here, I'm invisible.

-Hi, Lauren, what's going on?

They've arrived, they've arrived! My flyers are here.

Oh, I thought you weren't very keen on that photo.

I gave them a little digital touch-up. Nothing much.

Now, that's more like it.

A little touch-up? Mike, this looks nothing like you.

-Yeah, it does.

-You even changed your eye colour. And those muscles.

Well, I was slightly enhanced my natural physique.

You look like The Rock. What are you going to do

when people show up and you look nothing like this?

The important thing is getting the clients in the first place.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some flyers to go hand out.

Jake, Fran, would you like a slice of cake?

-Why, that would be lovely.

-You're spoiling us.

Guys, this isn't working, this is not how you usually are.

Of course it is!

No fingers.

-No!

-SQUELCH

SHUTTER CLICKS

THEY LAUGH

# Girls on film

# Girls on film...#

Oi!

-# Girls on film...#

-Oh!

# Girls on film

# Two minutes later

# Girls on film...

# Girls on film

# Got your picture

# Girls on film... #

Why are you taking pictures of me in my sleep?

It's for my new portfolio.

Don't worry, you were only dribbling a little bit.

I'm just going to go get Mum and Mike before they wake up.

Why the rush? You've got a year till you need to reapply for college.

Someone might take me this year if I have an edgy enough portfolio!

You shouldn't be rushing, you need to improve first.

-You said you believed in me.

-I do!

I'm going to the bathroom.

-No!

-Please yourself.

This is a nightmare. I can't even say anything

because it was me that encouraged her to keep going.

Lauren, you've got to get people's permission

before you take their photos!

What have I done?

-Grandma, you know it's your birthday this week...

-You remembered!

Of course we remembered. As if we wouldn't remember a thing like that.

Well, we decided to spend the whole day doing your chores for you.

Oh, but I like doing my chores. I'd be bored without them.

But of course we're going to get you a very nice present too.

Oh, that's so sweet. I can hardly wait.

-Why did you say that?

-I don't know, it just slipped out.

Now we have to actually buy her something.

What about a vase?

-Of flowers?

-No, a vase for hamburgers!

Of course a vase for flowers!

I'm not getting her that, it's unacceptably boring.

We obviously can't agree so we're just going to

have to each get her something.

Leo, do you think any of your friends

want me as their fitness instructor?

Whoa. Only if they want to be coached by Frankenstein.

-Anybody home?

-Hey, Olly.

-Hi.

-Hey, what happened to you?

I thought you were away potholing with the fam this weekend.

I had a nasty fight with the door.

Hi, everyone! My new photos are here!

Get ready to be blown away.

State of Mike on that one!

I look like I've been in a storm with my overcoat on.

Well, you had been working out.

Honestly, Mike, I don't think I realised quite how vain you are.

Oh, Lauren! Why would you take that?

I look like Jaws.

-Oh, what? You've made me look like a right loser.

-You don't like them?

You took one of me dancing, of course I don't.

This, however, this is priceless.

Dec, I never had you down as a picker.

That's not me, I don't... I've never picked my nose, ever.

The camera doesn't lie, mate.

-Oh, hey, Olly.

-Oh, hey, Millie.

What are these? Lauren, I look awful.

Don't blame me, you're the one that told me that I shouldn't give up.

Yeah, cos you shouldn't, but these are just...

Don't say it - you obviously all hate them.

Only cos we all look embarrassing.

What's this? This is not how you looked in the photo that I took.

-I just made a few tweaks.

-Because mine obviously wasn't good enough.

Well, that's it, forget college, forget photography.

Lauren, wait.

Hey, what did you get her?

A little something that goes around your neck.

Something called a scarf.

What sort of scarf?

-A yellow one.

-I got her a scarf too.

Green. You have to take yours back.

-Take mine back? You take yours back.

-I don't want to.

Well, I don't want to.

Hey, Grandma. You know how Mum and Tony

never got round to painting the kitchen?

Wouldn't it be nice if you did it for them?

I was thinking a nice fresh green, what do you think?

Oh, no, never liked green.

-What about yellow?

-Not calm enough.

Are there any other colours you like?

Think of flowers - they come in all sorts of colours.

-You mean as a wallpaper pattern?

-Or a birthday gift?

I had flowery wallpaper once.

It kept attracting bees for some reason.

That's it, scarfs go back.

No, wait, I can paint flowers on mine.

Who knows if she likes the colour yellow.

Maybe we'll have thought of something by her next birthday.

OK, so you mentioned flowers.

-So?

-So, she never said that she didn't like them.

-DOOR HANDLE TURNS

-Lauren?

Talk to me.

-Please.

-I just thought if I could be good at one thing, but I'm not.

-Face it, your daughter's a loser.

-Of course you're not.

You take great pictures.

It's just that you showed us ourselves, warts and all.

-And who wants to see their warts?

-I do.

Just took a bit getting used to, that's all.

Mum! You said, "I look like Jaws."

In a good way.

I never thought I'd have such clever, artistic daughters,

honestly you can do whatever you want.

No, that's Millie.

Lauren, you do know Millie really looks up to you?

What is there to look up to?

I mean, apart from the fashion sense and the cool music taste

and the great friends but, like, aside from that.

-Declan.

-Now I know you're lying.

-No, I'm not!

You take great pictures because you really see people

and then you show them what they're like.

Just comes as a bit of a shock sometimes,

especially to Mike.

Yeah. That's what the photography teacher said that they wanted.

Shame I blew my interview babbling about fruit.

Don't worry, there's always next year.

Thanks, Mum.

Can't believe she tried to show me up like that.

-My own girlfriend.

-You sure know how to pick them.

Well, aside from the finger up the nose, this isn't a bad shot of you.

Guess you've got a point. Sort of.

These are good photos, even the one of me watching Love Beach.

Don't you see? This is about us, not Lauren. We're all too vain.

So what are we going to do?

We're going to get Lauren believing in herself again.

It's been over 24 hours

and not a single person has booked a fitness session with me.

-Ah.

-Go on, say it.

-Fine - I told you so.

I told you nobody would want you

if you sent out these freak show flyers.

What a waste of money, and they upset Lauren to boot.

Thing is, nobody wants to go to a fitness class with a super hunk.

So, I'm not a super hunk.

Well, you're my hunk and I love you.

If my gym instructor looked like this, I'd be scared.

Who could live up to it? Who'd want to?

Yeah, maybe you're right. I'll have to print off another batch

and I know just the photo to use.

SNEEZING What's with her?

-Don't know. She might have a cold.

-Must be some pollen in the air.

Or hay fever. GROANS

"A good substitute for chocolate is carob powder and vegetable oil."

-She's allergic to chocolate?

-You are kidding me.

This is totally sure-fire.

I remember she was looking at these in the shop window

and she liked them so much.

She already bought herself one.

This is not happening!

I give up!

Yeah, I'm all out of cash.

We have to admit to Grandma that we don't have anything for her.

We failed, we're basically the worst grandkids ever.

-Wow, how are you going to tell her that?

-I'm not, you are.

Me? This is your fault.

You're the one who found out it was her birthday.

-We were better off not knowing.

-How can you say that?

Easy! Should've just got her a vase.

You said it was too boring.

Yeah, that was before I knew she was impossible to buy presents for.

-OK! Let's just both tell her.

-Fine.

But bagsie I stand behind you.

Great, bye!

We've gone behind Lauren's back to put on a show of her pictures.

It's called Exposed Unposed.

I'm hoping it gets her confidence back. But it won't if no-one comes!

Leo, you got the word out on social media?

All the major platforms covered as instructed, Chief.

OK. We've got to convince Lauren that she's good at what she does.

-Even if she does make us look like a bunch of freaks.

-Oh, what? No!

OK, now I've got to make a risky phone call.

We just didn't want you to have nothing to open on your birthday.

Yeah, that would be the worst birthday ever.

I'd never get over it if that happened to me.

We bought you scarves and it turned out that

you didn't like green or yellow.

On walls, yes! But clothes and scarves, I like both colours.

Sorry we let you down.

Listen, when you get to my age, birthdays are no biggie -

-I've had so many.

-How many exactly?

Jake!

I remember one when I was a little girl,

my parents took me to Egypt.

-I never knew you went to Egypt!

-Oh, we went all over the place.

-My dad studied insects.

-Your dad was an insect man?

Yes, he discovered a lot of new species.

The big faced moth, the little faced moth, the moth faced ant.

We had literally no idea.

Oh, it was there that I kindled my lifelong love of pottery.

This is like a gold mine for gift ideas. I can't wait till next year.

-Who knew?

-Oh, I've done a lot of things you don't know about.

You only ever needed to ask, you know.

TEXT MESSAGE Text from Millie.

Turns out we do have a birthday surprise for you after all.

But we're going to have to take you out to see it.

Yeah! What?

-What do you reckon?

-This is the one, defo.

I thought you'd be interested in the photo exhibition they've got on.

Millie, you're trying to rub it in my face...

Those are my photos.

Glad you could make it.

Look how many people came to your show.

Exposed Unposed.

And I just heard someone ask for the price list.

I don't get it, people want to buy my photos?

-Of you lot?

-Well, duh, you're good.

-And we're handsome.

-And thanks to your picture,

I've had loads of interest already.

People, come on, gather round.

Now, I'd like to introduce you all to the artist responsible for these

pictures - my big sister, Lauren.

CHEERING

Can't believe people actually like my photos.

Why wouldn't they? They're great.

And not a banana to be seen.

-What are you doing here?

-Millie invited me.

-She can be quite persuasive.

-Yeah, tell me about it.

Look, this is all just a work in progress.

Hey! Lauren, could we buy one of your pictures?

Of course! Price to be negotiated at a later date.

Thanks, cos we're well broke.

You should've brought these pictures to your interview.

They're new, I took your advice.

Lauren, we do have a vacancy at the college

for a photographic technician.

If you're interested you might be a great fit for it and it would help

-improve your skills.

-Really?

Of course. And next year I'm pretty confident you'll be even better.

-Are you interested?

-Yes! Yes, thank you.

I'd love to. Thank you.

-Happy birthday!

-Oh, I love it!

We look so happy, all of us!

You didn't have to.

So tell us more about your dad's moth-faced ant.

I have an extreme close-up on here.

BOTH: Argh!

Oh, while we're here, we should get a family photo.

-Lauren, is that OK?

-Oh, I don't have my camera.

Yeah, you do. Come on, everyone!

-Lauren's got to be in it.

-I'll set a timer.

SHRIEKS

Well done, everyone, that photo's ruined.

Right, Lauren, let's do another one.

No, if you ask me, that was pretty perfect.

I couldn't think of a more honest family portrait.

So everything is going to work out,

though not exactly as Lauren planned.

Being offered a job because of her photos is great,

even though we didn't like them at the start.

I'm so proud of her, but I'll never let on, she'll be a nightmare.