Friend Friction Millie Inbetween

Don't be late now, because I'm not driving you in.

Tell that to the bathroom barnacle!

I need to brush my teeth!

Lauren!

How much longer?

Go away!

Everything feels strange.

Dad and Amber have moved to Spain with baby Hector,

so Fran and Jake's gran has moved in to look after them,

into my dad's room!

I bet she's taken down his Keep Calm and Play Bagpipes poster.

-Mike!

-Won't be long.

MILLIE SIGHS

We've spent three years sorting out our two families

and now everything's changed.

Mum, you're going to need to drive us in.

-Oh, no.

-What? Millie's not even ready!

Because I can't get into the bathroom!

My fastest shave yet.

Hey, don't worry about your dad being away. I got your back.

Thanks, but we're just going to be so late!

Oh, well, I'll get my car keys, then.

And can you drop us off on the corner so no-one sees you?

All I'm saying is, I hope taking the Dad and Amber bricks away

doesn't bring the house crashing down.

Oh, look at you, big man.

Very smart.

-It's elastic.

-Oh.

Oh, and you look smart too.

-Thanks.

-I just knew we three would get on.

-Sandwich, darling.

-Oh, what's in it?

-Fish paste.

-Fish paste?

No, thanks, that's just weird.

I'll make myself a peanut butter and cheese.

And that's not weird?

Don't be fussy, love.

Your mum always loved her fish paste.

-I miss Mum.

-Yeah, and I miss Hector gumming my finger.

If Millie's dad hadn't have kidnapped them,

then we wouldn't be stuck here with our weird gran.

It's not Millie's fault.

Maybe. All I know is they've got their family

and we're stuck with someone who thinks fish paste is food.

Look, she's not that bad.

You're just saying that because she loves you, big man.

Bye.

Oh, you forgot your sand...

DOOR SLAMS

Mmm.

Welcome to the pit.

I know it might look like the start of a zombie apocalypse,

but actually, everyone has their place.

Those are the populars.

In this sunny bit, if there's ever sun,

that's the super brains.

And the wild bunch by the farm.

Oh, and that's Mr Yates.

He lives for his farm.

That's trainer abuse!

Sorry, mate, didn't see you.

And there's the kid that doesn't fit in.

Then there's us.

You could call us the ninjas, because we fly under the radar.

Fran, how are things with Franma?

-Franma?

-Yeah, your grandma.

Oh, that's funny.

Shall I pop over later to meet her, then?

-If I invite you.

-Oh.

Jokes. Of course you can come.

Invite me to my own dad's?

Chill. She doesn't mean it.

Fran.

Don't you think this new deal feels kind of strange?

Well, you're all right, you've got your mum and dad.

Step-dad. And I still have to share with Lauren the whole time.

At least you've got a room in my dad's flat.

Funny, because I don't remember asking your dad to take my mum away.

What is up with her?

And what have I done?

I thought your friends were meant to be on your side.

Sir's sprayer.

Who wants some?

It's like there's this unwritten rule

that you can't hang out with just anyone, even when your friends

are being mean for no reason.

THEY GIGGLE

Well, rules are meant to be broken.

-Hi.

-What do you want?

I didn't think this through, did I?

You're Jesse from my maths class.

Yeah, I know who I am.

So, I saw you got Mr Yates' sprayer.

I hope he doesn't mind.

I mean, who cares if he minds?

Teachers, eh? Always minding about everything.

What's one of the normals want with us, anyway?

Normals? We're the ninjas.

Right, and who are we, then?

You're the um, the wild bunch.

Yeah, that's right...girl.

I'm Millie, not girl.

I mean, I am a girl and I know you probably said girl just because...

If you want to hang out with us, you have to do a dare.

A dare? I don't really do dares.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd be up for it...Millie.

I know I shouldn't, but hey, I've come this far.

OK. What dare?

We just need someone.

That kid on the bench.

Not him. How about...

No, him.

Your mission is to nick his bag without him twigging

-and chuck it up there.

-But everyone'll see.

Oh, no! And what if they think you're not such a normal?

OK.

It'll be a laugh.

And Jake can take it.

He never turns down a dare.

A ketchup and gherkin doughnut!

You don't have to do this.

Just because I double dared you.

-MILLIE AND FRAN:

-Eww!

Is that all you got?

Hi, Jake.

Millie, long time no see.

Wow, is that a parrot?

LAUGHTER

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

Nice one!

That was a ninja move.

You cheered up my grim Tuesday.

What's wrong with Tuesdays?

Better than Mondays?

I have to wait ages after swimming for my mum unit to pick me up.

Well, the pool's near us. Come round there and wait if you want.

OK, then. Thanks.

That's it! You can do it, shorty.

-He can't reach it!

-Get up!

What's going on? Why are you ripping Jake?

It's not him. It's just a dare.

A dare?

Dares are dumb and anti-social.

They're fun. Lighten up.

Enjoy your juvenile fun.

Sorry, miss.

He's got a hockey stick!

Do not miss!

THEY LAUGH AND JEER AT HIM

Sorry about that, Mr Yates.

Oh, wow! I haven't seen one of those in ages.

It's Declan's. He likes the simple things in life.

Like Lauren.

Declan. Yeah.

He's here a lot.

He's Lauren's boyfriend.

Oh, is he now? And who decided that?

They did.

DOORBELL RINGS

So, Jessie's a laugh.

And it's good to widen my friend base,

what with Fran being so stroppy and my family going into meltdown.

Oh, Declan, it's you again.

Hi, Mr Taylor. Is Lauren in?

Walk with me, bro.

-She in the kitchen, is she?

-Might be.

-She's not here.

-Sit.

Let's have a little chat.

CHAIR SCREECHES

Now, I've noticed that you and Lauren are spending

a lot of time together.

Yeah, she's my girlfriend.

Listen, Declan, a young girl's heart is like a precious Ming vase.

Easy to break, not so easy to put back together.

Probably have to send it to an antiques expert, and it'll have

tiny little cracks in it, which kind of look quite nice, but...

-What was I saying?

-I have no idea.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, what are your intentions?

-My what?

-Listen, son, I've raised a boy.

I was a boy of myself once, so I know...

-LAUREN:

-Mike!

-What are you doing?

-Just having a little chinwag.

Sitting room, now.

I got your back, remember?

Stop it. You are now banned from talking to the boyfriend.

How could Millie do that you?

It's no biggie.

It's almost like she wants to replace me with her new friend.

What's that smell?

And now she's over at her nice, cosy house having fun

while we come home to a bleak, joyless flat.

Hello, you two. Made my special ginger cake.

It's lush.

Want to try? I think you're going to like it.

Here you go.

Well?

How long's your hair been like that?

14 years. What's wrong with it?

Your mum's was just the same, but hers was never out of place.

Don't worry, I'll get you something to tame your locks.

OK, look, like, I'm my own person and my hair's my business.

I see.

Your hair's your affair.

THEY SNORT AND GIGGLE

Excuse me.

What did I do?

SHE SNIFFS

Jake, tell me if I'm imagining it...

..but can you smell something off?

No.

Stop breathing.

PHONE RINGS

-Hiya!

-Hi, Hector!

-Hello, baby!

How are you?

There. There we go.

Ah, there you go, love.

Hola!

Did I have you going?

Yes, Dad.

We thought a nine-month-old baby was calling us from space.

Yeah, you can breathe now.

-So how's it going, Mills?

-Yeah, it's fine.

-It's just...

-I got a B in English.

Oh, nice one, love.

I do miss you both.

-I'm working mucho hard, though.

-SPLASHING

Dad, are you just in the pool?

No, but I will be later.

Hi, Mr McDonald!

Who's he?

Dad, that's, um, Declan.

Listen, don't worry, sir, your daughter's in safe hands.

Look, the way I see it, girls are like Ming vases...

Ah! Excuse me? Hello?

I'm not making a fuss, and...

and, yeah, I get it, other kids' dads go away to work

and everyone else thinks it's fine,

so maybe it is, but what if we're being hasty?

Fran, well, she's being weird and I can't even go round to yours,

and, Dad, I miss you.

Dad?

Dad?

DOORBELL RINGS

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Got the right house, then?

-Yeah. Come in.

-Great, thanks.

What is it?

My bacteria experiment.

What was it before?

-Porridge.

-It's going straight in the bin.

No, it's mine!

Eugh!

Now see what you've done!

OK, OK, that was my fault.

But you are cleaning that up, young man.

You just said it was your fault.

Yes, but I'm not the one growing experiments in the cupboard!

Now... Oh, my days, stop.

I'll get a mop.

Oh, out of the way.

And mark my words, Jake, there'll be no more experimenting

in this kitchen.

She doesn't think you're so great now.

Mum would have appreciated it.

Why don't we go to Dad's tomorrow?

I can't.

Mr Yates gave me after-school detention all week

for mashing his veg patch.

Why didn't you tell him it's Millie's fault?

-Because I'm not a snitch.

-Plant mashing goes on your record.

So, I won't be able to get a Saturday job at the garden centre.

Right.

Don't look down.

Now, what was I saying?

Women have been oppressed since the Ice Age?

Right. I bet they had to melt the ice to make tea,

and that's why you should take out the rubbish.

Wait, what?

Aren't you just swapping oppressing women for oppressing men, though?

It's Lauren's turn, actually.

To take out the rubbish, I mean.

-Is that true?

-But men haven't taken their turn for hundreds of years.

Tell you what, I'll do it.

I'll just squash it down with my leg.

MILLIE AND JESSIE LAUGH

Big kids are so fun to wind up.

I know. I'll go and get the rest of the snacks.

See you in a minute.

DOORBELL RINGS

Jake's got a week's detention for plant crushing.

That's your fault.

Well, I did start it, but he fell over by himself.

I didn't make him do planticide.

Oh, so it's his fault now?

-We need to talk.

-Yeah!

But wait, not up there.

Why not?

I mean, let's grab a snack first.

FRAN SIGHS

Maybe it would be better to talk tomorrow.

-I could come to yours.

-Trying to get rid of me?

-No.

-This is going to go on Jake's record, you know.

To be fair, it is a pretty long record.

-Well, now it's longer. Pickles?

-Cupboard.

-How's Franma?

-It's not Franma!

I don't call your mum Millmum!

Oh!

Loose lid. That'll be Craig.

Gone, but still annoying.

Everything feels so wrong.

That's what I've been thinking.

Maybe the only reason we're friends is because of my mum and your dad.

What?

No. OK, hold that thought.

So, who put out the rubbish?

We decided on equality.

-Millie can do it.

-Where is she?

Dude, your leg!

Sorry, I'm...

Jessie?

So, it's true. I am being replaced.

Whoa, take it easy.

I'm only here waiting for my mum unit.

Yeah, right. And I don't think it's cool when people

call their parents "units". It's disrespectful.

And you wonder why we call you the normals.

KNOCK ON DOOR Jessie, you in there?

Hang on. Millie never said you were here.

She never said anything about you, either.

You think she's been trying to keep us apart?

Slippery Millie, eh?

Giving us both the run-around.

She thinks she can do whatever she wants.

-There are rules.

-Right. You can't ditch your old friends

just because they're seriously uptight.

And take up with any old random show-off.

MILLIE: No way, because I did it last time.

OK. Don't let on we saw each other.

And Declan, sort your leg out.

-We'll talk at school?

-OK.

-Oh, it's you.

-Expecting someone else?

-Um, no.

-My mum's outside.

-Thanks for the snack, yeah?

-No probs. See you.

-Bye!

PHONE BEEPS

"Had to go. Talk soon. XX Fran."

Well, that could've been a nightmare.

I've got to patch things up with Jake and get Fran back onside.

My family is self-destructing, so I need all the friends I can get.

I don't know. You sure?

Like you say, we need to teach her a lesson.

Plus, won't it be worth it to see her face?

All right, then.

Let's do it.

We never had this conversation, right?

-Why not?

-Don't know.

It's just what they say.

-See you later.

-Bye!

It was hard work to start, but I'm in with them now.

And I've got my old mates, too,

so I'll be an independent wild bunch ninja,

or at least I will be after I sort this out.

Hey, Jake. I heard about your detention.

I'm sorry. But I confessed to Mr Yates, so you're off the hook.

Thanks, Millie. That's really nice of you.

You know, I almost feel bad for loosening your water bottle

-on the bus.

-What?

Oh, no!

-Going somewhere?

-The cafe, to meet Millie.

-PHONE RINGS

-Hey, it's Mum!

Hi, Mum!

Hi, you two, just checking in.

I accidentally crushed the school farm.

Oh, I'm missing everything.

How you getting on with grandma?

Um, not great.

She's kind of down on us.

We're not perfect like you.

-Me?

-Yeah, you used to love her fish paste sandwiches.

That's what I told her.

I used to feed them to the school cat.

Don't tell her that, though. She'll kill me.

Your hair was never out of place.

Because she used to put this monster product in it.

It wouldn't have moved in a force nine gale.

I was terrible.

Always sneaking in late.

You two are angels compared to me.

-HECTOR CRIES

-Oh, he's waking up.

I've got to go. I miss you two.

Miss you. Make sure you let Hector gum your finger for me.

I don't think that's what he wants to gum.

Bye.

Right. I'm on a mission.

You cleared that with mission control?

Who, Franma? I mean, Grandma.

No problem. I got this.

-Mike.

-I haven't said a word to Declan.

It's OK, I get that you were just trying to protect me

with my dad gone, and that was kind of sweet, so thanks.

Oh. OK.

-No problem.

-But if you want to raise anything, with the boyfriend,

then you have to give it to me first...

in writing.

You miss him, don't you?

Who? Craig?

I'll get over it.

Dad.

Heard you talking on your tablet.

You spied on me?

I'm a mum. Get over it.

Look, we're acting like this is the new normal,

but what if we're just being reckless?

What if it all goes pear-shaped?

-Well, it won't.

-How do you know?

I won't let it.

Your dad's working away to save to get a bigger place for you all.

His place was big enough.

Well, till baby Hector came along.

Look, there will always be changes, Millie, but we adapt.

Like Dad leaves and Mike takes over annoying Lauren.

Yeah. I guess, but...

Is there something else?

-You'll laugh.

-Of course I won't.

Well, I'm miss having two houses that I can go to whenever I want.

Sorry. That must be really hard on you.

This talk is over.

Come on, let's watch some rubbish telly.

I'll make some popcorn.

Yeah, OK, then.

PHONE BEEPS Oh.

Got to go. Fran wants to meet me.

I knew I'd make things right.

I know you were traumatised by bringing up our mum.

-What do you mean? Amber was...

-Perfect, right?

She told us how she was never home on time, you gave her helmet hair.

She fed your sandwiches to the cat.

-What?

-But we're different.

Responsible, mature.

Well, I am, anyway.

Look, I'm off to go meet my friends now.

But I was just about to make tea.

And I will be back at 6:30, on the dot.

OK?

This is our favourite cafe.

I'm not going to lie, the pizzas aren't great.

They're a bit like eating a soggy carpet.

But you can stay as long as you like for only one slice.

GIGGLING

Huh?

Mum unit. I love it.

Hi, guys.

Well, if it isn't slippery Millie.

-What do you want?

-Come on, Franster, let's grab a table.

What is going on?

I have no idea, but I've got to find out before I wind up with no mates.

Um, guys, hey, I didn't know you two hung out together.

We met at your house yesterday.

No thanks to you.

Thought you got away with it, huh?

Because the rules don't apply to Millie, apparently.

You're right. Look, I'm sorry.

I was wrong and selfish and...

Stop before we blub.

So, whose group are you in, anyway?

Do I have to choose?

Isn't it all just labels?

If you're in every group, you're in no group.

-We can give you a minute.

-I don't need a minute.

Fran, you can be stubborn and vexing,

but we're friends for a reason.

And not just because of our parents.

Jessie, I really like you,

but I think I'm more of a ninja that a wild buncher, if I'm honest.

-Who says you're either?

-Eh?

See, we think before you get back in with the normals...

-Ninjas.

-Ninjas.

You should have to do a dare.

What? No.

Dares are dumb, remember, Fran?

No, you're right. I need to lighten up.

Say that again?

I said...

this is my table, so get lost, you big loser.

You know that what that means, don't you?

Yeah. Let's just get it over with.

Was that your idea?

DOOR OPENS

You're late.

-Awesome!

-What happened to you?

We got into a pizza fight.

-This is my friend Millie.

-I see.

Mature, responsible.

I was right after all.

You're just like your mother!

Sorry if I've been so bossy.

I haven't done this for a while, and you are Amber's kids,

so who knows what you're capable of?

She's all right, your Franma.

Franma?

-No, no, not yet.

-Now? Can I open my eyes?

-Three, two, one.

-Open your eyes!

-ALL:

-Surprise!

Aw, a new farm. Sweet.

Yeah, Jessie's not all that bad.

-Not like you.

-Me?

You were the one blaming me for your mum leaving.

I had to blame someone.

And you were the one lining up a new bunch of friends.

My family was imploding.

Well, I just think you're used to being Millie Inbetween.

That is the stupidest thing I have ever...

That is so true!

Mind blown!

-You're welcome!

-PHONE BEEPS

I was so worried about my family that I nearly wound up

with no friends.

And school without friends...

Cheer up, mate. It might never happen.

Now where are you going?

It's all right.

There's someone I want to talk to.

-Hey, Milo.

-Oh, hi.

-You OK?

-Yeah.

-Good.