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TELEPHONE RINGS | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff, | 0:00:06 | 0:00:08 | |
we seek to answer any question you may ask. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:12 | |
No question is too ridiculous. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:14 | |
On call are our highly curious researchers, Lovett, | 0:00:14 | 0:00:18 | |
Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Tea Party and of course Captain Lengthwidth. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:24 | |
The ministry is a thinking facility that helps us | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
to find you an answer. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:30 | |
TANNOY: 'The working day will commence in 10 seconds. | 0:00:30 | 0:00:34 | |
'Don't be late. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
'Attention! Mr Reeves is entering the building.' | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff! | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
-Morning, everybody! -Good morning. | 0:00:54 | 0:00:56 | |
-Good morning, Mr Reeves! -Good morning, Mr Reeves! | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
-Good morning, Mr Reeves! -What a marvellous day. -Quiet, Reeves. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:04 | |
Now, look here, I'm going to do some practising for Britain's Got Talent. | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
-I can't get involved this morning. -You carry on. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:11 | |
Far too much to do on the ledger. Just doing the accounts. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
HE PLAYS | 0:01:15 | 0:01:17 | |
Now, look here! I made it very clear that I'm doing accounts. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
Now, you look here! Look here! | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
HE PLAYS | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
-Now, look here! Look here. -Look here. | 0:01:30 | 0:01:33 | |
I'm trying here, I'm trying to do my work. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:36 | |
You can go practise anywhere else in the ministry. Look here! | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
You look here! Get on with your work and I'll get on with mine. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:42 | |
-You look here. -You look here. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:44 | |
HE PLAYS | 0:01:44 | 0:01:46 | |
Mr Frazernagle, could you put the first call through, please? | 0:01:50 | 0:01:53 | |
-There's a call coming through on line four, Mr Reeves. -Thank you. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:57 | |
Hello, this is Vic Reeves at the Ministry of Curious Stuff, | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
how might I help you? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Hi, this is Tatty. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
I was just wondering, will dinosaurs ever come back? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Thank you, Tatty, what a very good question. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
I shall make every endeavour to find out. Thank you. Goodbye! | 0:02:10 | 0:02:14 | |
Tatty wants to know, will dinosaurs ever come back? | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
Let's ask an expert. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
Mum, wake up. | 0:02:28 | 0:02:29 | |
Now then, if dinosaurs came back, | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
do you think they'd be able to fit into society, | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
and man and dinosaur live together in perfect harmony? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
-Do you think that could happen? -Never mind that. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Are you wearing your Tweety Pie underpants? | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
-I left them in a jim-jam bag. -Shh! Not in front of the staff! | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
If you must know, I'm wearing the Iron Man underpants. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
Well, I didn't iron those, son! Now, what do you want for your tea? | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
Thank you to that expert. (Just ketchup, please. Thanks.) | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
Now then, I tell you what would be good. | 0:02:56 | 0:03:00 | |
If we could talk to a real, live dinosaur. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
There's something prehistoric coming through G1, Mr Reeves. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
'Dinosaur loading in G1.' | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Hello! And who's this coming out of the door? | 0:03:13 | 0:03:17 | |
What's your name, sir? | 0:03:21 | 0:03:22 | |
Well, my name is Craig, I'm 21 from Chipping Sodbury, | 0:03:22 | 0:03:28 | |
and if you hadn't guessed yet, I'm a dinosaur. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
Well, thank you, Craig, we had guessed you were a dinosaur. | 0:03:31 | 0:03:34 | |
What we're going to do is see how you, as a dinosaur, | 0:03:34 | 0:03:37 | |
fit into modern society. | 0:03:37 | 0:03:39 | |
-How are you with that, Craig? -Well, I'm a little nervous, to be honest. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:43 | |
Never mind, don't be nervous. Three very simple tasks, | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
starting with the first task. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
It's a task we all perform every day, it's peeling the banana! | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
That's right, just an ordinary, everyday banana. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:54 | |
I really do enjoy performing this task. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
I should point out that that's just a standard banana, | 0:03:57 | 0:04:00 | |
no smoke, no mirrors, just a standard banana from Tel Aviv. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:04 | |
Here we go with the standard banana. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
-See the nerves, there. -Really struggling. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
Really struggling with this task. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
Really trying - those arms are really quite pathetic, aren't they? | 0:04:12 | 0:04:16 | |
-Does anybody know why they're so small? -Nobody knows. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
Ah, there we are! Fail on the first task. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:23 | |
Hard luck there, Craig, hard cheese indeed. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
Moving onto the second task, it's a punch ball. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
That's right, this is just a regular, everyday punchball on loan | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
from Kawowski's gym in the high street, where champions are made. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:38 | |
-Micki Kawowski's gym, yeah. Are you ready, Craig? -As I'll ever be. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:43 | |
What we want you to do is simply punch the punchball. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:46 | |
Off you go, Craig, in your own time. Getting ready. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:49 | |
-Nice little useless claws. -Got to get Craig... | 0:04:49 | 0:04:53 | |
That's his first attempt. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
-That's pathetic. -Come on, Craig! -Give it a punch. | 0:04:55 | 0:05:00 | |
Take a swing, take a swing. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
Ohh! So sad. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:05 | |
Now then, Craig, not doing too well up to now, | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
but we're going to finish off with a standard task which | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
we all perform in modern society every day. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
And that task, Craig, is touching your toes. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
How do you think you're going to do, Craig? | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
-Let's find out, shall we? -Let's find out. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
-We're rooting for you, Craig. -Thank you. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:23 | |
I should point out that while Craig steadies himself, | 0:05:23 | 0:05:26 | |
Craig is an Aries, his hobbies include looking out the window | 0:05:26 | 0:05:29 | |
and going for walks, and hip-hop. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
Let's see how he gets on with this task of touching the toes. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:35 | |
Touch your toes, Craig! | 0:05:35 | 0:05:37 | |
CRACK! | 0:05:37 | 0:05:39 | |
-Oh, my back! -Oh, I felt that. Craig, you all right? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:44 | |
-Oh, I'm in a lot of pain, actually. -OK. Well, well done to Craig there. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:48 | |
-Off you go, Craig. -All right, everyone. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:52 | |
-Thank you, I've had a really lovely day. -Good, thank you very much. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
Craig the dinosaur, there! | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
Mr Reeves, please get on with the question. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:02 | |
All right, all right, all right! Who rattled your cage? | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
Back to Tatty's question - will dinosaurs ever come back? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
Well, here's a curious fact for you, Mr Reeves. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
-Did you know there is such a thing as a frozen zoo? -I didn't. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:17 | |
Welcome to the amazing frozen zoo in San Diego! | 0:06:18 | 0:06:22 | |
Here we keep over 800 examples of endangered animals, | 0:06:22 | 0:06:25 | |
all frozen to prevent their extinction. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
CROWD: Oooh! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:30 | |
Or, more accurately, their DNA in some test tubes! | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
GROANING | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
Oh, don't be like that. DNA is really exciting and cool. Look! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:41 | |
Hey, kids, I'm Danny DNA. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
I'm a kind of biological recipe for making animals. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
So, in the future, if any become extinct, we can make copies of them! | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
Wahey! | 0:06:50 | 0:06:52 | |
-Get on with it! -Where are all the animals? -Ahem. | 0:06:52 | 0:06:56 | |
Actually, that is quite boring. | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
Can you do an impression or something, just to keep us going? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
Why, sure I can! "Grrr, I'm a big bear, dangerous and endangered. | 0:07:01 | 0:07:06 | |
"Grrr!" | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
No? OK, hold on. "Coo-coo, I'm a rare and beautiful bird. Coo-coo!" | 0:07:07 | 0:07:14 | |
Oh, who am I kidding? Come back in 30 years. Bring your kids! | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
So they've started freezing | 0:07:21 | 0:07:22 | |
the DNA of animals so they can bring them back in the future. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:25 | |
No big deal - I've been doing that for ages. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
-In fact, I've got a frozen zoo. Do you want to see? -Oh, I'd love to. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:31 | |
Want to see my animals? I'll show you. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
-Anyone want to see my frozen animals? -Of course! -Yes! | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
Yes, have a look at this. In here, very exciting. Where've they gone? | 0:07:38 | 0:07:43 | |
Has anyone seen my frozen zoo? | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
No, nobody's seen your frozen zoo, nobody's seen it. Calm down. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
Where did you get that oversized ice from in your stupid drink? | 0:07:48 | 0:07:54 | |
-I got it out the freezer. -This one? -Yeah, the Vic's Frozen Zoo freezer. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
The Vic's Frozen Zoo freezer. Yes, and what's this? | 0:07:57 | 0:08:00 | |
-You've defrosted my rare and extinct bumfluffowl! -You know, | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
I though I could taste a bit of bumfluffery in there. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
Do you know what you are, Captain Lengthwidth? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
-You're a great, heaving, steaming pile of manure. -I heard that rumour. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:14 | |
I started it. Right, come on, let's get back to the question. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:18 | |
Tatty wants to know, will dinosaurs ever come back? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:20 | |
Well, Mr Reeves, I'm not sure you'd want to bring back dinosaurs. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:25 | |
Why ever not, darling? | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
If dinosaurs were to come back, there'd be a lot fewer people. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:30 | |
Some dinosaurs are huge, meat-eating monsters. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:34 | |
It says here a T-Rex could crush a car or eat your granny. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:39 | |
Ooh, well, I hope they don't come back, | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
-because I quite like my granny! -Wait! I have the answer here! -What?! | 0:08:41 | 0:08:46 | |
It says dinosaurs CAN come back! | 0:08:46 | 0:08:50 | |
THEY SCREAM | 0:08:50 | 0:08:57 | |
-Wait, wait, wait. Silly me. It says here they can't. -Oh. -Phew! | 0:08:57 | 0:09:04 | |
There are no animals around today closely related enough to dinosaurs | 0:09:06 | 0:09:09 | |
that we might have suitable DNA to create a dino clone. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:12 | |
-So, thankfully, he's right. -Very good. OK. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
Miss Tea Party, | 0:09:15 | 0:09:16 | |
please get that information off to Tatty | 0:09:16 | 0:09:19 | |
as quickly as possibly possible, if that's at all possible. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:22 | |
-Right away, Mr Reeves. -TANNOY: 'Attention, attention. | 0:09:22 | 0:09:26 | |
'Flying Postal Services entering the ministry.' | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel upon arrival.' | 0:09:29 | 0:09:34 | |
'Postal person descending. Postal person descending.' | 0:09:37 | 0:09:41 | |
'Please stand back. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
'Postal service reaching its destination in three, two, one.' | 0:09:44 | 0:09:51 | |
'Postal services departing. Stand clear. | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
'Post will be delivered in approximately two minutes | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
'and 32 seconds.' | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.' | 0:10:09 | 0:10:13 | |
Right, come on, let's have another question. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:17 | |
Of course, Mr Reeves, I've got another call on line three. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
Good, thank you. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:26 | |
How might I help you? | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Hi, my name's Leo, and my question is, | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
can an animal ever be a superhero? | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
Very good question, Leo, very good indeed. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
I'll do my best to answer it. Goodbye. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
Leo wants to know, can animals ever be superheroes? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
Oh, I have a curious fact here, Mr Reeves. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:50 | |
Cockroaches have a superpower. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
In fact, they're super tough. | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
They can survive for four weeks without a head! | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
It says here that they're almost invincible - | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
they're said to be the only animal that could survive a nuclear bomb. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:04 | |
Invincible, yeah! Yeah, invincible. Do you know what? | 0:11:04 | 0:11:09 | |
Those cockroaches, as they call themselves, | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
they come around, hanging around in my back yard, | 0:11:12 | 0:11:15 | |
acting like the tough guy, chest puffed out like a have-a-go hero, | 0:11:15 | 0:11:19 | |
munching on crisps like they own the place. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
-They think they're so cool and trendy and all that. -Don't they just? | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
-You know, watch me, see my moves? -Yeah, they're idiots. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
Yeah, they are idiots. You know what? | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
-I could have a cockroach like that. -Yeah, me too, just like that. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:35 | |
Take it out. | 0:11:35 | 0:11:36 | |
Excuse me, could you direct me to the nearest information centre? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
Ahh! Eeeh! It's a cockroach! | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
-Give him your wallet. -Yeah, yeah, take my wallet! | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
It's got nearly £7 in it, but just don't hit my face! | 0:11:46 | 0:11:50 | |
It's my fortune. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Under the desk - get under. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
Have a look, see if it's gone. Has it gone yet? | 0:11:55 | 0:11:58 | |
It's gone, it's gone, it's gone, chill out. | 0:11:58 | 0:12:00 | |
-Lengthwidth, you're just a big baby. -What? | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
I saw the way you acted, you were like a big baby, | 0:12:03 | 0:12:05 | |
-scared of a cockroach. -No, I was just doing what you were doing. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
-You weren't doing what I was doing. -You were hiding under the desk, | 0:12:08 | 0:12:12 | |
-I was just doing what you were doing! -Yeah, whatever! -Whatever! | 0:12:12 | 0:12:15 | |
-Whatever. -Whatever. -Whatever. -Whatever. -Whatever. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
-Are you two quite finished? -Yes. -Yes. -Oh, just one more thing. | 0:12:18 | 0:12:23 | |
-Yeah, what? Whatever! -Whatever! -HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY | 0:12:23 | 0:12:27 | |
Right, come on, let's answer this question. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
Leo wants to know, can an animal be a superhero? | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Well, Mr Reeves, ants seem to be really super. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
Ant can lift 20 times its own bodyweight. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:42 | |
That's the same as you being able to lift a car with five people in it. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
Yeah, looks like you've got a problem with your exhaust, mate. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
Going to take all week to get the parts. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:51 | |
If the same size as a man, it could run as fast as a racehorse. | 0:12:51 | 0:12:55 | |
Good afternoon. Lovely day for it. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
And the ant has the biggest brain of all insects. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
In fact, a colony of ants has collectively | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
the same-size brain as a human. | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
-Ooh, I never knew that. -Well, I did. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:09 | |
Well, who'd have thought that the humble ant could do that? | 0:13:09 | 0:13:13 | |
But we need more facts. Can animals be superheroes? | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
Well, Mr Reeves, have you heard about the mind-control wasp? | 0:13:16 | 0:13:19 | |
A what what what? | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
# A what what what? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:22 | |
BOTH: # A what what what what what what what | 0:13:22 | 0:13:25 | |
# What whadiddly what | 0:13:25 | 0:13:26 | |
# Whadiddlyodiddlyat what | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
# What a lovely hot pot | 0:13:28 | 0:13:29 | |
# What what! # | 0:13:29 | 0:13:30 | |
-Not a hot pot. A wasp. -A wasp? -A mind-control wasp. | 0:13:30 | 0:13:35 | |
They come from Costa Rica | 0:13:35 | 0:13:38 | |
and they can actually control the minds of spiders. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
The baby wasp, or larva, will attack a spider | 0:13:41 | 0:13:45 | |
and take control of its brain. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
Hmm, and what happens next? | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
Well, it makes the spider stop building its normal web, | 0:13:49 | 0:13:52 | |
and instead build a little cocoon for the baby wasp to grow in. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:56 | |
-It is amazing, Mr Reeves. -It is amazing. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
-And not only is it amazing - it's curious. -Brace yourselves! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:04 | |
Stations, everyone! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:09 | |
Hello, little fella. What's it like being a mind-control wasp? | 0:14:22 | 0:14:25 | |
-Look into my eyes. -I'd rather not, if you don't mind. | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
I said, look into my eyes. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
-All right, then. -You are feeling sleepy. | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
I am the master, and you are completely under my control. Say it! | 0:14:36 | 0:14:40 | |
"I am the master and you are completely under my control." | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
-No, you're under MY control. -All right. What you said. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
You will do everything I say. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:50 | |
When you hear this piece of music, you'll do a mystical little dance. | 0:14:50 | 0:14:55 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
-Yes. -And when I click my fingers, | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
you will completely forget this conversation ever took place. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:06 | |
-Yes. -Good. -So, what's it like being a mind-control wasp? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:10 | |
Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! | 0:15:10 | 0:15:13 | |
We can probably safely say that animals can be superheroes. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:23 | |
We've heard about super tough cockroaches, | 0:15:23 | 0:15:26 | |
we've heard about ants with super strength, | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
but I'm not sure I really believe in this hypno-wasp business. | 0:15:28 | 0:15:34 | |
Don't believe it. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:36 | |
Can you get those facts off as quickly as possible, please, | 0:15:36 | 0:15:40 | |
-Miss Tea Party? -Right away, Mr Reeves. -Thank you. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
'Flying Postal Services has arrived. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
'Post prepared for postal personnel. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:51 | |
'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
'Your number one aerial courier.' | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
Fly away, fluttering delivery girl. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
Well, it's been quite a fabulous day up till now, very very productive. | 0:16:02 | 0:16:08 | |
MUSIC PLAYS | 0:16:08 | 0:16:10 | |
Erm... How did I...? | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
Right, OK! Um... | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
Right, come on, let's crack on. Mr Frazernagle, anyone on the lines? | 0:16:30 | 0:16:34 | |
Yeah, one last call coming through, Mr Reeves. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:37 | |
I'll connect you straight away. | 0:16:37 | 0:16:39 | |
(POSH ACCENT) Hello, this is Vic Reeves here | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
at the Ministry of Curious Stuff. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:44 | |
How may I-I-I be of assistance to you? | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
My name's Jeremy, and my question is, | 0:16:47 | 0:16:50 | |
will robots ever take over the world? | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
Oh... Thank you, Jeremy. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:54 | |
Jeremy wants to know, will robots ever take over the world? | 0:16:54 | 0:16:58 | |
Mr Reeves, I've got something coming through G1. | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
'Zoltan loading in G1.' | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Ah, hello... | 0:17:09 | 0:17:10 | |
I am Zoltan the Magnificent, Zoltan the Incredible, | 0:17:10 | 0:17:14 | |
Zoltan the Indesctructible. | 0:17:14 | 0:17:17 | |
-Didn't quite catch your name, son. -It's Zoltan. -Right, good. | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
So, Zoltan, you want to take over the world. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:23 | |
That's it, you... That's right, you've got it in one. | 0:17:23 | 0:17:26 | |
Right. And when you take over the world, what are your plans? | 0:17:26 | 0:17:31 | |
Well, I shall ensure buses run on time, | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
I will fill in the potholes in Basildon High Street, | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
and I will introduce free hearing tests | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
for the elderly and children and Tracy Beaker. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
-So what else would you... -Silence! Silence, I haven't finished. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
I will put in a high-speed rail link between Chester and Crewe, | 0:17:45 | 0:17:49 | |
and I will put up a massive statue in honour of Tracy Beaker. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:53 | |
-Right... -Silence! | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
And then I will make underground pipes for hedgehogs | 0:17:55 | 0:17:59 | |
under the motorway, M6 between junctions 3 and 17, | 0:17:59 | 0:18:03 | |
and I will oversee the annihilation of all feeble human life, | 0:18:03 | 0:18:07 | |
-apart from Tracy Beaker. -You really like Tracy Beaker, then. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
She's all right, yeah. I can take her or leave her, really. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
-So, you wouldn't want to meet her. -Oh, no, I would like to meet her. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:17 | |
-That is something I'd really like to do. -I thought so! | 0:18:17 | 0:18:20 | |
It's you, Lengthwidth, you're just a robotic fraud, | 0:18:20 | 0:18:24 | |
-a robotic fake... -DESCENDS INTO GROWLING | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Learn to take a joke, will you? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
-I'm just mucking about. -Yeah, well, sometimes you muck about too much. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:34 | |
You know what you are? You're about as much use as... | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
a bicycle, but without handlebars, just a Cumberland sausage there, | 0:18:37 | 0:18:41 | |
which is rubbish for steering with. | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
Now get back into your position! | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
-Get back there! -Do I still get to meet Tracy Beaker? -No, you do not! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
-Get back into your position. -Just asking! -Back there! Back there! | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
-Back there! On your chair! On your chair! -I can't... | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
-Not on the bike, on the chair! -Cos I'm still half Zoltan. -On your chair! | 0:18:54 | 0:18:58 | |
Right, come on, then. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
Let's answer this question - will robots ever take over the world? | 0:19:00 | 0:19:04 | |
Here's a curious fact, Mr Reeves. There's a robot hall of fame. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:08 | |
-Mm, tell me more. -It's in America, and honours all kinds of robots. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:12 | |
They include C3P0 and R2-D2 from Star Wars, | 0:19:12 | 0:19:15 | |
-and Commander Data from Star Trek. -Well, coincidentally, | 0:19:15 | 0:19:19 | |
that's a coincidence, because my good friend Captain Lengthwidth | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
has also opened up a robot hall of fame. Isn't that right? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
-That's exactly right. -I'm very excited. -Yes. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
-Is that it there? -There it is. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
-There it is. Do you want to have a look? -Yeah. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:35 | |
-Well, that'll cost you a pound. -Just knock it off what you owe me. -OK. | 0:19:35 | 0:19:39 | |
So, welcome, then, to Captain Lengthwidth's Robot Hall of Fame. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:43 | |
First up, we have this incredible robot. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:47 | |
Calco-Man. | 0:19:47 | 0:19:48 | |
And borne of mutant microwave parents, | 0:19:48 | 0:19:52 | |
he can do any mathematical sum, he's a genius. Like two plus two. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:57 | |
-Equals... -Four! | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
-Four! Equals four. -Yeah. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
-That's just a calculator. -Yes. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:03 | |
And then, take a look at this. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:07 | |
-What's that, then? -The Incredible Grater. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:10 | |
He... He's one tough cookie. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
Don't get too close, because he'll shred you to pieces. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:16 | |
He's a nasty piece of work. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
-He's evil. -It's a cheesegrater! | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
Yes. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:22 | |
And finally, have a look at this. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:26 | |
Cumbo-Tron 4000. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:28 | |
And this is a time-travelling cucumber, and if you look here, | 0:20:28 | 0:20:33 | |
he's just gone back in time to 1.15pm. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:36 | |
Yeah, I can guess what you're going to do. | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
It's a cucumber with some tin foil and a wristwatch round it. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
(Yes.) | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
Captain Lengthwidth, these robots are rubbish, | 0:20:43 | 0:20:48 | |
and do you know what I do with rubbish? | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
I stamp on it. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
So you don't like them, then? | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
No, they are rubbish. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:02 | |
Now clear up this mess or I will have you arrested by Robocop! | 0:21:02 | 0:21:06 | |
-Doing my head in, you. -Right, come on, let's get on with it. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:10 | |
We've got to answer Jeremy's question - | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
will robots ever take over the world? | 0:21:12 | 0:21:14 | |
Ooh, Mr Reeves, you might not know that there's a home assistant robot. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:18 | |
'Do you need help around the home? | 0:21:20 | 0:21:23 | |
'Then what you need is the Home Assistant Robot. | 0:21:23 | 0:21:26 | |
'Made to Japanese design specifications, | 0:21:26 | 0:21:28 | |
'it will deal with all your jobs. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:32 | |
'Using five cameras, six lasers and three fingers on each hand, | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
'it can do your laundry, wash your dishes and put them away. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
'It can open and close doors and mop the floors. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
'It really can do everything. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:44 | |
'Oh, yeah. Batteries not included.' | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
Hang on, the robot's meant to do that, but it runs on batteries? | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
Yes, unfortunately, the battery only lasts about 30 minutes. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:59 | |
After that, you have to recharge it. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:02 | |
-Sounds like Captain Lengthwidth. -LAUGHS | 0:22:02 | 0:22:05 | |
Well, I have something here, Mr Reeves. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
-It's a curious fact about one of the first ever robots... -Yeah? | 0:22:11 | 0:22:15 | |
..but, er, it got lost, so he won't be taking over the world, will he? | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
-He got lost? -Mm. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
Yes, Mr Reeves. It was made in Japan in 1929, | 0:22:20 | 0:22:24 | |
and was considered very impressive for its time. | 0:22:24 | 0:22:27 | |
-What did it do? -Well, Mr Reeves, it could do loads. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:30 | |
It could move its head and hands, change its facial expression, | 0:22:30 | 0:22:34 | |
and even write words with a pen. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:36 | |
But unfortunately, | 0:22:36 | 0:22:37 | |
he was lost somewhere in Germany during the 1930s, | 0:22:37 | 0:22:40 | |
and never seen again. It's very sad, isn't it? | 0:22:40 | 0:22:44 | |
It is sad, but I think... | 0:22:44 | 0:22:46 | |
I think I've seen this robot around here somewhere. | 0:22:46 | 0:22:48 | |
Something loading in H28, Mr Reeves, up there! | 0:22:48 | 0:22:51 | |
THEME FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY | 0:22:52 | 0:22:56 | |
Wow. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY | 0:23:13 | 0:23:15 | |
Erm, so, what's the answer, then? Will robots take over the world? | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
At the moment, no, because humans still need to design | 0:23:26 | 0:23:30 | |
and programme them and tell them what to do, etc. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
Good. All right. There's our answer. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:34 | |
(ROBOTIC VOICE) Get those findings off to Jeremy | 0:23:34 | 0:23:37 | |
as quickly as you can, Miss Tea Party! | 0:23:37 | 0:23:39 | |
-(ROBOTIC VOICE) Right away, Mr Reeves. -Thank you! | 0:23:39 | 0:23:42 | |
BELL | 0:23:42 | 0:23:43 | |
'Attention, Ministry. The working day is over.' | 0:23:43 | 0:23:47 | |
Well, what a fantastic day it's been. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
It's been an absolutely knockout day, really, hasn't it? Marvellous. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:53 | |
Been a great day. One of the top three days of all time. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:56 | |
Really? I feel that way as well. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:57 | |
-Don't forget a day like this, you know? -Won't ever in the future. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:01 | |
Cos when the hard times come, you'll want to remember this. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:04 | |
-Put a little smile on your face. -Yeah. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:06 | |
-TANNOY: 'Reassessing Curious Stuff.' -'So what have we discovered today? | 0:24:06 | 0:24:10 | |
'Tatty wanted to know if dinosaurs would ever come back. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:12 | |
'And we discovered | 0:24:12 | 0:24:14 | |
a frozen zoo which stores DNA so we can clone animals. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
You've defrosted my bumfluffowl! | 0:24:17 | 0:24:20 | |
'But we can't clone dinosaurs, so the answer to Tatty's question is, | 0:24:20 | 0:24:23 | |
'dinosaurs aren't coming back. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:25 | |
Aaaaaw! So sad! | 0:24:25 | 0:24:27 | |
'Leo asked if animals could be superheroes. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:29 | |
'Through research, we found ants have superstrength, | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
'cockroaches can survive for four weeks without a head, | 0:24:32 | 0:24:35 | |
'and some wasps can control minds.' | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
I am your master! | 0:24:38 | 0:24:39 | |
'So, yes, Leo, animals do have superhero-like powers. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:43 | |
'Jeremy asked if robots will ever take over the world. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:46 | |
'We discovered a robot that can do your chores. | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
'There's a robot hall of fame, | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
'but the oldest Japanese robot isn't in there. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
'He went missing. Or did he?' | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
So, Jeremy, robots may be clever, but they won't take over the world, | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
as they still need humans to programme them. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
-Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye, team. -Bye-bye. | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
TANNOY: 'End of the day. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:06 | |
-'Transportation for Mr Reeves has arrived.' -Goodbye, Mr Reeves! | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
-Goodbye, Mr Reeves! -Goodbye, Mr Reeves! -Goodbye, Mr Reeves! | 0:25:10 | 0:25:15 | |
Stand back, everyone! | 0:25:15 | 0:25:16 | |
I'm going home for me tea. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:22 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 |