Behind the Screams Naomi's Nightmares of Nature


Behind the Screams

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Welcome to my Nightmares of Nature.

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I'm Naomi Wilkinson.

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SHE SCREAMS Oh, my goodness!

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And I'm coming face-to-face with the nightmares of the animal world...

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SNAKE HISSES Oh!

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..the ones that make your spine tingle...

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..your heart beat faster....

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There it is, there it is!

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..and your blood run cold.

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Are they truly terrifying?

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LION ROARS

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Or is there a twist in the tale?

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Come with me as I shine a light on wildlife's deepest, darkest secrets.

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And see if you can guess which will be my worst nightmare.

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Shh.

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Welcome to the voice-over booth.

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Just about to start my commentary.

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-Are you ready to go?

-Yeah, ready, Rick.

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Here goes!

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We've travelled all over the world in search of things

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to keep you awake at night.

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SHE SCREECHES

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But to get this show on the air requires nightmares

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not just of the animal variety...

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Oh!

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..but of the film-making variety too.

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Watch out!

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So in this very special show with a twist,

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I'm going to give you a VIP, access-all-areas,

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behind-the-scenes taste of what it really takes to make...

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Oh, hang on a minute, what shall we call this episode?

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Oh, I know.

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Rick, can you give me a very dramatic-sounding voice, please?

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What it really takes to make Naomi's Nightmares of Nature...

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..(DEEP VOICE) Behind the Screams.

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Can I have my normal voice back, please?

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(SQUEAKY VOICE) We've got serious programme making to do!

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'From the Middle East...

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Doesn't want to go up a hill!

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'..to the Americas.

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Or is there a twist, in the tale?!

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'New Zealand...

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A friend has joined us for lunch!

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'..to here at home.'

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A ladybird!

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Frankly, we've had a giggle this series.

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But, before any of these fun and games could begin,

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first we had to get there.

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And when it comes to travel,

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the buzzword on this series is surely...glamour!

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The glamour of airports.

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The glamour of having far too much luggage.

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Cheers for your help, guys!

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And the glamour of our transport.

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For all installations, repairs and maintenance...

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..this is your trusty engineer.

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That's the air con!

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The sun roof is leaking a little bit at the moment,

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but it's all doable, not a problem.

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And finally, we're off!

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THEY CHUCKLE

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..Iceland motorway?

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-Whoa.

-Whoa!

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Oops! We'll leave that one there, shall we?

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At least when we finally arrived,

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we can look forward to a good night's sleep

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in glorious surroundings.

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Most of the time.

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For this show we travel around a lot,

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and we go quite off the beaten track,

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stay in quite remote places.

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So sometimes our accommodation is a little unusual.

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Come on into our underwater lair!

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Hi, Rich.

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So, one of our particular highlights is this dolphin here,

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with a mermaid and the little mermaid baby.

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What else have we got?

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Come and see in my bedroom, who was staring at me all night.

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These two lovely mermaids were watching me while I slept.

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That was not at all unnerving!

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So, the generator on the whole island went off last night,

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so we've had no air conditioning, so we're all a bit sweaty and hot.

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No lights, so getting ready in the dark was quite funny.

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SHE GIGGLES

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-Unusual, isn't it?

-It is quite unusual.

-Quite unusual!

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Oh, well, now that we are on location,

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we can at last get on with some filming.

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It might seem like things happen really quickly on-screen.

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Like this. Guys, where's the camera kit?

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But that's just the magic of telly!

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If only things happen that quickly on location.

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Sadly, it's often a waiting game.

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Waiting for nature, for example.

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It's party time!

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'Perfect timing, would you look at that!'

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Welcome to Iceland!

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'And again, as if by magic!'

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'If only.

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'In reality, it went something more like this...'

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So I say, "Welcome to Iceland," as it happens?

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Yes. So we're rolling.

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So now we're just waiting for the geyser to blow,

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and we don't know when that will happen!

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Now the pressure!

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Literally, face is frozen.

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Welcome to Iceland!

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Woohoo!

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Did that work?

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It worked. But none of us could feel our toes any more.

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Safely back on the road with our epic shot in the can,

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nature started to act a lot more quickly.

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CAR HORN HONKS Basically, the boys are in that car,

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and they've driven through the river there,

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and as the water splashed on their windscreen it froze,

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it's that cold here.

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Us to the rescue!

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Are you all right?

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Well done, team!

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-It's all for the cause.

-It's all for Nightmares Of Nature!

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This series, however, the cold was the least of our weather challenges.

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Generally, waiting for nature, meant waiting for the rain to stop.

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I love Rio!

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"Come to Brazil," they said.

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"It's always sunny in Brazil!"

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Day one.

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Ta-dah!

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My photo of the famous view of Rio from the top of Sugarloaf Mountain.

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Day two.

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Look at it. Look at that mountain.

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I'm supposed to be hang-gliding off that.

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One, take two.

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Well, I can't take off when we can't see.

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Abort, mission abort!

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Day three.

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You get the picture!

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Oh, and don't get excited about Tuesday.

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We were leaving on Tuesday.

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SHE GROWLS

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So, when it doesn't stop raining,

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you just have to stop waiting, and start filming.

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-RINGS BELL

-# Why does it always rain on me? #

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The dog's got a matching raincoat.

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And the rain followed us from Rio...

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..to the Caribbean...

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We are now flooding!

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..and into the South African desert.

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Yes, desert!

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Oh, my gosh, this is so grim.

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It's going well.

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But it wasn't over.

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Then, in came...

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..the wind! Oh!

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Sound man Gary. You're loving it, because it's very difficult

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to not make everything sound like this...

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SHE WHOOSHES

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So, flamingos... SHE WHOOSHES

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What do flamingos look like?

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-You're having a lovely time, aren't you?

-I'm loving it, Naomi!

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The height of summer in Brazil again.

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But don't worry, the sun did eventually show its face.

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It's hot. I'm so hot!

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There is just no pleasing some people.

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Did you hear her, Naomi?

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Anyway, once we're done waiting for nature,

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we then have to wait for sound.

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You see, we can't film anything until it's really, really quiet...

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..which is almost never.

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Helicopter, dog barking, car siren.

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It's all right, we're not trying to film anything!

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I've heard of nest boxes for birds. BIRD SCREECHES

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Shh!

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We're trying to shoot the end part of the programme,

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and as you can see we're in the desert with a camel.

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Behind us, a road sweeper!

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Oh, no! Not another helicopter!

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Oh, hang on, I'm in that one!

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So, waiting for sound or should I say waiting for the soundie?

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You all right there, Rich?

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Having fun, are you?

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Oops!

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'It's OK, he was fine.

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'Meerkats make sound man Rich happy.

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'But unwanted noise makes sound man Rich very not happy.'

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So here we are on this absolutely gorgeous, tranquil beach,

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about to record a piece to camera about the jellyfish,

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and then up rocks a tourist boat,

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with loads of tourists who are going to come snorkelling

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for the next half an hour.

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Ah!

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Bother!

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So that's going to help you out no end, isn't it?

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SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS

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I hate holiday-makers.

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I hate anybody that looks like

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they're enjoying themselves

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when we're trying to be working.

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Look at them, they're having a good time.

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I mean, what are they thinking?

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Off-camera, everyone's having a great time.

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Everyone's having a great time, and I'm not, because of the music.

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-Brilliant.

-Oh, poor Rich!

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Party, party, ooh, ooh!

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Eventually, though, Rich gets his turn to be happy.

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And you know when sound is finally ready for filming,

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cos he'll get nice and comfy.

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Ah!

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Where does Rich sit?

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Rich, are you all right?

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-What?

-Is this heavy?

-It's hard work, what we do.

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And now and again you have to sit down!

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The fact that it's only 8am has got nothing to do with it.

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You don't see us sitting down.

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Oh, well, I suppose that's better than a sleeping cameraman.

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So, the sky is quiet, Rich is sitting comfortably,

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nature is playing ball.

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SHE GIGGLES Or not.

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Now all we need on set are the stars.

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The animals.

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Yeah, easy!

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Filming animals doesn't always go to plan.

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But, as this is behind-the-scenes,

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let's reveal what happened when I looked

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for my ultimate Californian nightmare.

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It's the fourth series of this show,

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so you might think by now,

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I've met pretty much every nightmare of nature out there.

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But, there is one particular nightmare that all this time

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I have been avoiding.

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Because it's my ultimate fear.

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The big one.

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It's great, it's white

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and it's a shark.

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There was me thinking I'd got away with it.

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The great white shark needs no introduction.

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It is simply the world's biggest and most-famous predatory fish.

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With a reputation, well, for biting people.

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But, does it deserve its bad boy image?

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You guessed it, the only way to find out

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was for me to try and see one for myself.

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So, shark biologist Chris agreed to take me out

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just off the beaches of Los Angeles,

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where these pointy-toothed predators

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had been spotted swimming with surfers.

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Eek!

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I never thought I'd be looking for this shark, that's for sure.

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So Chris, how many sharks might we see?

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Well, I mean the most we've seen are maybe 13 in an area

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maybe the size of a football field.

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-That's loads.

-Yeah.

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-Ah!

-But these are babies.

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-Oh, they're babies!

-They're babies.

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-We're not seeing the adults?

-I hope not!

-Phew! Weight lifts!

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The babies come to this bay to learn to be great white sharks.

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Mom gives birth to them and they're on their own.

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There are born to be scared of everything.

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Even as great white sharks?

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They don't know they're a great white, yet.

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Aww, that's kind of sweet.

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The trouble is, baby great white sharks

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are still pretty shark-like.

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Yep, these are the babies.

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-They're born at about 1.25 metres.

-Oh!

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So they're not little babies like this?

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No, they're little babies like this!

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-When they're born, they're that big?

-When they're born, yeah.

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Shark teeth? Lots of teeth?

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Lots of teeth, yeah, they're born ready to eat.

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Even at just over a metre,

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they were still big enough to keep me on my toes.

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And we had finally arrived at the spot where they should be.

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If you keep watching anywhere around here,

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you're liable to see one.

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Let's just look out for a great white shark.

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A familiar feeling of uneasiness in my stomach!

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Now, this is the point where a shark should have started

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circling the boat and I'd have been terrified.

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But this is the behind-the-scenes show after all.

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So instead, what happened was this.

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-There's a fin. That's dolphins.

-Those are dolphins.

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Oh, it's dolphins. No sharks, yet.

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Right, come on then, sharks, where are you?

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I have to say, I never, ever thought I'd hear you say that, ever.

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I know.

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Especially with a great white.

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How times have changed.

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Well, Naomi, I think we're out of luck.

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-I'm actually really disappointed.

-Me too.

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Not so much as a sniff of a shark.

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And, yes, I really was actually disappointed to not see

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a great white shark.

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Just don't tell the crew, or they'll make me go looking for one again!

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There's not much we can do about a shark no-show.

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But, you'd think something as common as great British head lice

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would be easy to find.

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Right?

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-Are you ready to have a look at them?

-Yeah.

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-Sure?

-Yeah.

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-Right, can you see that? It's moving.

-Urgh!

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Well, no.

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Getting hold of them for filming was harder than you might think.

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First we had to pay a visit to lice buster Sophie,

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who separates these crawling critters

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from their unfortunate victims.

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I'm not taking any chances.

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I knew lice couldn't jump, but I didn't trust them.

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How many can you get on one head?

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My most has been about 1,000.

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Rather my job than yours, Sophie!

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Right, so Naomi, I've got a present for you.

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Oh, lovely, thank you very much.

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Look at these, look!

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There was just one problem.

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The lice wouldn't survive until our filming appointment

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at the school unless they fed on one of us.

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So, any volunteers anyone? Anyone?

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-Good on you, Diz.

-Sorry, what?

-Cheers.

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"Work in television," they said.

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"It'll be fun," they said.

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-Glamorous!

-"Work with wildlife."

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You've done it now.

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They'd prefer to be on the head,

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but I'm not suggesting you put them on your head.

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Shall we just put loads of tape all around the edge?

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You can feel them going between the hairs.

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Thanks for nominating me, Naomi.

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Pleasure!

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-Hello, lice cam.

-Lice cam.

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-Right. Let's get these going.

-Have a safe journey!

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I bet you're all wondering what happened

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when we took them off his arm?

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Well, it went like this.

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-Go for it.

-Ready?

-Ah!

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Suffering for the cause, Diz, well done!

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-Oh, no, that's horrible!

-Ow!

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Urgh! So much for getting them off your arm!

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That one's escaping.

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Don't worry, we safely extracted the lice from his arm hairs.

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And got them to the school live and well,

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where their presence spurred a host of intriguing questions.

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Can the actual nits catch diseases?

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When you spray, like, hairspray on your hair, doesn't the hairspray,

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like, affect them?

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How many heads would an average lice go on in its lifetime?

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Hold on, let me just check.

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Will they get sunburnt?

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How do they evolve in the first place?

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Do the lice have special talents?

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Crikey, your questions are very hard.

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Cos they're like vampires, could you ward them off with garlic?

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How long have head lice been around for?

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Does anyone know?

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Capturing all these amazing animals on camera

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simply wouldn't be possible

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without some weird, wonderful and super-smart technology.

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BLOWS RASPBERRY Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

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Infrared cameras.

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Night-time cameras.

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Thermal cameras.

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Slow-mo cameras.

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Everything's fine!

0:19:020:19:03

Too fast for you, am I, Steve?

0:19:030:19:05

Oh, boom pole.

0:19:050:19:08

Really handy...for skateboarding!

0:19:080:19:11

And then there's the special equipment...

0:19:110:19:13

..for filming in the water.

0:19:140:19:15

No, not that.

0:19:170:19:19

This.

0:19:190:19:20

Bertha, the big blue bucket,

0:19:210:19:24

whose job it was to keep all our gadgets nice and dry.

0:19:240:19:27

For sound man Rich, it was love at first sight.

0:19:270:19:30

WOLF-WHISTLES

0:19:300:19:33

HUMS TO TRUE BY SPANDAU BALLET

0:19:330:19:37

You sometimes have to exercise blue tubs.

0:19:420:19:45

Make sure they're well taken care of.

0:19:450:19:48

Come on. Off we go.

0:19:480:19:50

She even kept Rich afloat.

0:19:530:19:56

Where's Rich?

0:19:560:19:57

That's all right. There he is.

0:19:570:19:59

When it came to getting beneath the waves, though,

0:20:000:20:03

there was no room for Bertha.

0:20:030:20:05

And one of our biggest underwater challenges

0:20:050:20:07

was the Bahamas submarine scooter.

0:20:070:20:10

Greetings, air breathers.

0:20:100:20:13

This time I'm searching for the nightmares beneath the waves.

0:20:130:20:17

But don't be fooled by the clear water and the colourful fish.

0:20:170:20:20

SHE GIGGLES This is the domain of sea monsters.

0:20:200:20:24

Looks effortless, but not so behind-the-scenes.

0:20:250:20:29

It took three cameras...

0:20:310:20:33

..plenty of rehearsing...

0:20:360:20:38

..and some meticulous miking up of the bubble by Rich...

0:20:390:20:43

..and we're all set.

0:20:450:20:46

Oh, so much for the perfectly-placed microphone.

0:20:480:20:51

That's just fallen off.

0:20:510:20:53

Better start again, Rich.

0:20:530:20:56

-Good to go.

-Good luck.

-And you.

-Good luck, Naomi.

0:20:570:21:01

This time, we really were good to go.

0:21:010:21:04

See you later.

0:21:070:21:09

It was all worth the effort in the end, though,

0:21:130:21:15

cos it picked up perfect sound...

0:21:150:21:18

Oh, I feel a bit sick in here.

0:21:180:21:20

..of me suppressing the urge to vomit.

0:21:200:21:23

I'm feeling a bit sick.

0:21:230:21:25

-There you go!

-Thank you.

0:21:300:21:33

Honestly, it's amazing in there.

0:21:330:21:35

I don't know whether it was because I was just bobbin around,

0:21:370:21:39

but in the middle I thought I was just going to chuck up.

0:21:390:21:42

I felt completely green.

0:21:420:21:43

I think I got all sea sick but it's an amazing sight down there.

0:21:430:21:48

Whoo!

0:21:480:21:49

To get a really close-up view of the animals, though,

0:21:510:21:54

the secret weapons in our armoury are these.

0:21:540:21:58

Teeny, tiny, tiny, weeny, little cameras.

0:21:580:22:02

So itty-bitty. Hello.

0:22:020:22:04

Used in the right way,

0:22:040:22:06

they can make you feel part of the animal action.

0:22:060:22:09

Sometimes, though, the animals are so unfazed by our camo cameras

0:22:110:22:16

that we get a little more than we bargained for.

0:22:160:22:19

To get a really good shot we're going to try

0:22:200:22:22

and put the camera right in with the agouti.

0:22:220:22:25

This could be funny because they might think it's a big nut.

0:22:250:22:28

But it turns out they didn't want to eat it, just sit on it.

0:22:280:22:33

Hey, agouti, your bum's flashing red.

0:22:330:22:36

Question is, who's going to get it out?

0:22:360:22:39

Urgh!

0:22:390:22:41

Ah! That microphone pole comes in handy again.

0:22:410:22:44

Urgh! Agouti bum fingers.

0:22:440:22:46

Anyone got a wipe?

0:22:460:22:48

The other special view our little cameras give us is of our crew.

0:22:500:22:55

Getting them up and running can sometimes be a bit tricky.

0:22:550:22:58

Is this thing running?

0:22:580:23:00

Now there's a very technical term for this expression,

0:23:000:23:03

but we don't have any idea what it is,

0:23:030:23:05

so we just call it gurney warp face.

0:23:050:23:07

But in fact, it's not gurning.

0:23:090:23:11

No. It's a language of its own.

0:23:110:23:13

Each expression means something.

0:23:130:23:16

Let me translate for you.

0:23:160:23:17

Plus, of course, the crew being, well, the crew.

0:23:310:23:34

Yeah, fantastic.

0:23:380:23:40

Even with the best kit and most well-behaved animals,

0:23:410:23:44

there's always scope for, um, human error, isn't there, crew?

0:23:440:23:49

We are brilliant by the way.

0:23:520:23:54

Are you sure about that, Rich?

0:23:540:23:56

This time on Nightmares Of Nature,

0:23:560:23:58

I'm taking you on a tour of the creepy critters collecting

0:23:580:24:02

in the corners of this hideous haunted house.

0:24:020:24:05

THEY LAUGH

0:24:060:24:12

Sorry!

0:24:120:24:14

Come on, guys, this is serious stuff.

0:24:140:24:16

Even more, I think I would make a very good flamingo.

0:24:180:24:23

What was that about?

0:24:230:24:24

I'm just the director. I don't know what's going on!

0:24:240:24:27

Bit of a long pause!

0:24:340:24:37

-How did it go?

-Just got a lot of spikes up my bum!

0:24:370:24:40

Are you OK?

0:24:400:24:41

Ow!

0:24:440:24:46

Good grief!

0:24:460:24:48

Naomi, that says...

0:24:480:24:50

I've forgotten what I'm supposed to say.

0:24:510:24:53

NAOMI LAUGHS, CREW GROAN

0:24:530:24:55

It's actually written there. You just read it.

0:24:550:24:58

Useless, the lot of them.

0:24:580:25:00

Oh, no.

0:25:040:25:05

I thought we said we weren't showing these bits.

0:25:050:25:08

Well, that is just about it for our California coastal trip.

0:25:080:25:10

Just leaves me to...

0:25:100:25:12

Just leaves me to decide...

0:25:130:25:14

The giant Pacific... THEY LAUGH

0:25:170:25:22

BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:25:220:25:25

Arggh!

0:25:260:25:28

Special... BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:25:280:25:30

Ah! Ah!

0:25:300:25:32

Right, come on, Naomi.

0:25:320:25:33

SHE FAKE SOBS I can't get these words in my head.

0:25:330:25:37

BLOWS RASPBERRY

0:25:370:25:39

My next nightmare animal is... I've forgotten.

0:25:400:25:43

I can't even remember what it is.

0:25:430:25:45

I can't do it. I can't remember the words.

0:25:450:25:47

I'm too cold and wet.

0:25:470:25:49

-Can we go home now?

-Let's go home.

-Yeah!

-Let's go home to bed.

0:25:490:25:52

The director has allowed me to say at this point that normally

0:25:520:25:56

I am a one-take wonder. Honest.

0:25:560:25:58

So I thought... HORN SOUNDS, THEY LAUGH

0:25:580:26:02

OK, heads, it's caterpillar, tails, it's the frog.

0:26:020:26:05

Is there one on my head?

0:26:110:26:12

-Boo!

-Don't, you're so mean, you're so mean!

0:26:120:26:16

Hey, crew, you're scared of the animals as well.

0:26:160:26:19

Look what happened when you lot

0:26:190:26:21

tried to get one of those house spiders out of its box.

0:26:210:26:25

So now the funny thing about filming spiders

0:26:250:26:27

is I'm not the only one in the crew who is not overly keen

0:26:270:26:30

and now we've got to put the spider into the bath.

0:26:300:26:33

The problem is that there's nobody in the crew who's overly keen.

0:26:330:26:36

Oh, Rich is all right.

0:26:360:26:37

Well, Rich can't come, he's sat down.

0:26:370:26:38

-You do it.

-How come I get the short straw?

0:26:380:26:41

Genuinely, this isn't faked.

0:26:430:26:45

You're slowing my job. Right, go.

0:26:450:26:47

THEY ALL SCREAM

0:26:470:26:51

It freaks me out!

0:26:510:26:52

Come on, let's be brave. Come on.

0:26:520:26:54

-Where is it?

-I'm tipping it.

0:26:540:26:56

-That's how you casually release a spider.

-It's easy, isn't it?

0:26:560:26:58

-Easy.

-Easy as that, like, there's nothing to it.

0:26:580:27:03

-It's fine.

-Note, I was the brave one there.

0:27:030:27:06

So brave, in fact, that I now choose to hold spiders.

0:27:060:27:09

I want to hold it before we put it back in the box.

0:27:090:27:11

-Naomi, you want to hold it?

-I want to hold it, yeah.

0:27:110:27:13

It's like a personal...

0:27:130:27:15

-OK, well here we go.

-Hey. It's all right.

0:27:150:27:19

Ha-ha, see? Not a wuss any more.

0:27:210:27:23

So, that's the end of our behind-the-screams tour

0:27:280:27:31

of the Nightmares Of Nature worldwide studio.

0:27:310:27:35

I just have one last crucial bit of advice for surviving

0:27:350:27:39

a Nightmare shoot.

0:27:390:27:41

And that is - don't forget your dancing shoes!

0:27:410:27:44

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