Ultimate Nightmare Naomi's Nightmares of Nature

Welcome to my Nightmares Of Nature.

I'm Naomi Wilkinson...

Ah! Oh, my goodness!

..and I'm coming face-to-face

with the nightmares of the animal world...

Ooh!

..the ones that make your spine tingle...

..your heart beat faster...

SHE SCREAMS

There it is, there it is!

..and your blood run cold.

Are they truly terrifying?

Or is there a twist in the tale?

Come with me as I shine a light on wildlife's deepest, darkest secrets.

And see if you can guess which will be my worst nightmare.

76,000 miles.

55 nightmare contenders.

12 worst nightmares.

I'm home!

Yes!

I'm back!

Water from the tap.

Cheers. Coffee!

My pillow!

With no spiders.

So, my nightmare hunting may be over,

but I still have one big choice to make.

Obviously, at the end of each episode,

I decide on my worst nightmare.

Giant hammerhead. Hibernation.

The tarpon. My worst nightmare.

CAMEL GRUNTS

Like that. But as this is the end the series...

SHE SOBS THEATRICALLY

Why?

Why? Why?!

..I have to decide on my Ultimate Nightmare from the whole series.

Yes, out of 55 nightmares.

Er, 55, guys.

Thank you.

I must choose one...

One. So what will it be?

How am I going to decide?

I have met some pretty heinous horrors

on my search for nature's nasties.

No!

'I've taken to the skies...'

Ah!

'..and plunged to the depths...

'..all to bring you the very best...

SHE SHRIEKS

'..of the very worst that nature has to offer.'

'Let's hear it for the freaks, geeks and monsters

'of the animal world.'

Hey, maybe my Ultimate Nightmare could be a monster.

Or a dragon!

I've met a fair few of those.

Like that blue-skinned, red-eyed

monster of the Cayman Islands.

Wow.

I actually quite liked them.

Or those monsters of the deep in the Bahamas.

VOICE DISTORTED BY SNORKEL

DISTORTED WORDS

Super-sized super-shark.

But my ultimate monster title

and surely the strongest contender so far

has to go to that clingy cephalopod

I met in California.

It's got three hearts, nine brains

and can measure eight metres across.

The Giant Pacific Octopus is a nightmare to behold.

They are formidable predators

who come out at night to hunt and have been

known to eat birds and even sharks.

I've come to Monterey Bay Aquarium

to meet octopus expert Alicia

and one very special resident.

Let's see if she wants to come over.

Really? OK.

I'm going to just tempt her over with a little piece of shrimp here.

-Is that her favourite food?

-Uh-huh.

She's got hold of you.

It's like one of those mats you put in the bath.

-Exactly.

-How many suckers have they got?

About 2,000.

Wow!

Oh, it's a bit alarming how quickly they can capture you.

So they've got a mouth somewhere in there, have they?

The mouth is in the middle here.

There goes the shrimp that we gave her.

-And is that quite dangerous?

-Mm.

It's the only hard part that they have in their entire body.

But it's used to open clams and crabs,

and so...

it could definitely cut through bone.

So you want to stay away from the beak.

Yeah, I guess, if it can eat a crab...

-Yeah.

-That's a pretty strong mouth part.

-Uh-huh.

Uh-oh!

-Are you OK? Do you need any help?

-I'm fine.

I'm not sure I'd know what to do to help, to be honest.

I'm offering to help, but I don't know how.

What does that mean, when it does a massive, wide open...

HOLLOW GURGLE

That's what it means!

It's taking in the water, is it?

-Yep.

-Oh!

This is the weirdest creature ever.

Would you like to pet her?

Er...

Yes?

Look at this.

It's an absolutely brilliant strategy, isn't it,

to capture their prey?

My goodness. Just to suck it in towards you.

I mean, imagine if all these arms were on you.

You wouldn't be able to get away.

Imagine a small animal.

-Doesn't stand a chance.

-Mm-mm.

It's really pulling me in.

There's being friendly and then there's being very, very clingy.

Can I just say, that octopus

actually left sucker marks on my hand?

Hm. Evidence.

Admittedly, the light wasn't very good when I took the photo.

It's quite hard to see how red it was.

It was really red, angry and sore for...

It's only just gone away, really. Anyway, shall we carry on?

They wouldn't ever go for a human, would they?

No. I mean, it's never happened.

Till today!

It's not every day you get to meet an eight-limbed sea creature with

a fondness for arm wrestling.

Can I have my arm back now, please?

I think that might be octopus for "no".

True monster.

Could definitely be a contender for my worst nightmare.

But I don't want to be a sucker, and go for the first option.

Get it? Like the octopus's suckers.

Anyway...

Being home from my nightmare adventures

does have its drawbacks, though.

All those time zones.

I never know if it's breakfast...

Ooh, whoops.

Dinner...

Middle of the night...

Morning!

And if I can't sleep, I just count nightmares.

Rodents.

It's a horse.

Head lice.

Pigeon poo.

Camel spider.

Well, that's not helping me sleep,

especially the camel spider.

Ow! What was that?

Aha!

Come with me.

Come and have a look at this.

So, when I get back from my travels,

I like to put a pin on a map.

This is where I've been before.

Now, for series four.

Brazil!

British Columbia in Canada.

California.

The Bahamas.

Oh, the Cayman Islands!

New Zealand.

The Arabian desert.

Kalahari safari.

Rio de Janeiro!

Welcome to Iceland.

My house of horrors... Come in.

So how do I fathom out my Ultimate Nightmare?

Haven't got a clue.

Clues! Maybe that's it.

I have had to turn detective

on quite a few of my nightmare encounters.

Like in the Cayman Islands,

working out what was causing that ghostly glow.

SHE GIGGLES ANXIOUSLY

It turned out to be a magic soup

of tiny twinkly plankton.

It's incredible!

It's like my toes are casting a magic spell.

Or in the Arabian desert,

what was that nightmare hiding

in the burrow of the spiny-tailed lizard?

Oh, my goodness. Oh!

But my detective skills were tested

to the max by those mystery monsters in the Bahamas.

My first job was to build up an image of the creature.

And like any good detective,

I appealed to the general public for help.

I've been told there are monsters lurking around here.

-Oh, yeah!

-Could you tell me, what do they look like?

Teeth in the front, and these teeth down here,

and they have a great big snout that looks like a snorkel.

Let's ask these guys, cos they look a lot friendlier than my picture

so far. What are their eyes like?

Eyes? Pretty squinty.

Squinty eyes.

Nasty-looking teeth.

Nasty-looking teeth?

-Yeah!

-Big and nasty!

With my sketch complete, our mystery monster can be revealed.

So THIS is our culprit.

A...monster indeed!

A true nightmare of nature!

50 years ago, these beasts were introduced to an island.

It's believed the man who brought them here

had hoped to return and eat them.

But...they changed.

They grew.

They became clever and resourceful,

and now demand food from the very people who put them there.

It's time to meet this monster face-to-face.

We come in peace!

Oh, there! There, there, there!

Gosh, that's big.

What?

I don't believe it. It's a pig!

It's all right, though, cos we're on the boat, they're on land.

So we can figure out what we're going to do next.

What? It's swimming?

It's a swimming pig.

What?

They're really good swimmers, aren't they?

Oh, hello. You're not scary.

Look at your big snout poking out the water.

And big ears!

How hilarious is this?

And we brought them a little offering.

Yum, apple.

Mmm!

His little curly tail!

But it's not just food these pigs are after.

Oh, that one opened its mouth!

Fresh water is at a premium on this desert island.

The only reason they can survive here

is cos there's a fresh spring on the island.

But, as you can imagine,

they are always... PIG GRUNTS LOUDLY

..keen to enjoy...

So the island mystery may have been solved.

But, before I left, there was one more thing I had to do.

I'm going in!

How often do you get to say you've been swimming with pigs?

Play nice, OK? I haven't got any apple.

It's quite cold.

Not doggy paddle, it's piggy paddle.

Hello.

These pigs may have been introduced to the island as a source of food.

But my porky pals now so popular with visitors that they are well

and truly here to stay.

It's actually not that surprising that pigs swim.

They've got to cool down somehow and, unlike us,

they don't have sweat glands,

so getting in the water is their best option.

Backstroke!

Breaststroke!

You make it look so easy.

Look at you. But I can't possibly call a swimming pig

my Ultimate Nightmare.

Hmm.

Back to the drawing board.

Now, THIS is my idea of a great creature.

Hello, Wiggles.

Did you miss me? Did you?

You're not a nightmare, are you?

No! But actually I have met quite a few animals that didn't look like

a nightmare, but were hiding some pretty terrifying traits.

ELECTRONIC ZAPPING

How did you just do that with your eyes?

Maybe one of those could be my ultimate series nightmare, eh?

Sweet...or sinister?

I'm going to put you back now

just in case you're hiding a terrifying side.

Like the lovable dolphins,

who are prone to bully-boy tactics.

One just jumped over my head!

Fighting hummingbirds in Brazil.

That is one brawl I would not want to be in the middle of.

Or those desperately cute meerkats that turned out to be murderers.

And it didn't end there.

Ladybirds who eat their brothers and sisters.

SQUEAKY VOICE: Everybody loves me.

I'm shiny and spotty.

Yes, but we do squirt blood from our knees.

To be honest,

if you are nightmarish, I'd rather you just came straight out with it.

Perhaps I could give my series nightmare title to one of these?

Maybe...head lice?

ALL: Eurgh!

That camel spider?

Or the worm-munching sharp-toothed snail

in New Zealand.

BUT my very worst nightmare and-we-know-it crown

has got to go to that predator of the New Zealand undergrowth...

the velvet worm.

I joined Steve for the lowdown on this squirty squirmer.

-Heading into the bush.

-There we are, this is the bush.

This worm had better be worth it!

HE LAUGHS

It's quite a climb!

Ooh!

We're coming, we're coming.

I know there's one in there. Let's just lift of this bit of...

It's still stuck on.

Actually, that is a monster.

Oh, wow.

-That's really blue.

-That's about as big as they get

for these North Island ones.

Look at their funny stubby legs.

They're called lobopods

and they're specialised legs that are just filled with fluid.

I tell you what, we'll just give it a bit of stimulus.

I'm just going to gently touch its antennae...

-Oh!

-Ah!

Did you see, it really fired, didn't it?

-What's it doing?

-It's on my finger. It's fired its glue guns.

-It shoots slime.

-Why does it do that?

To hunt, to catch its prey.

Cos it's just a soft-bodied animal.

But it hunts animals, it hunts other little animals.

Yep, the velvet worm shoots slime.

On each side of its head are slime-firing pistols.

Like a super sharp-shooter,

it launches lassoes of goo at its target.

Splat!

The sticky substance traps its victim so it can't get away.

Actually, having a set of firing glue guns

could come in pretty handy.

I've put this off long enough.

Dirty washing explosion!

Stuff it all in.

Oh, better not put that in.

The last time I saw THAT

I was painting a giant insect called a weta,

so Steve could keep track of it.

SHE SHRIEKS

There you go, Pinky.

Fantastic colour.

Yeah, a much better weta(!)

And that's not the only animal

that's been beautified on my nightmare journey.

There was that super fluffy baby sea otter.

Play it again!

Oh, play it AGAIN!

Play it again! I LOVE THAT OTTER!

The creature that wins the best use of lotions and potions has to be

that large leviathan, the elephant seal.

Little did I know, to study elephant seals,

you need a pot of hair dye.

Oh, and a seal scientist called Patrick.

I found myself as his trusty assistant

in giving a seal its very own name badge.

So what we're going to do now is walk around the colony here,

look for those flipper tags -

if we see one, we're going to put out a dye mark

using this stamping tool here.

We'll write backwards on the face of it and then stamp it on the side

of the seal to give them a nice mark.

-You use hair dye?

-We do,

the same that your mother would use.

No way. And how long will that last?

Just shy of a year, actually.

Until they moult. They last quite a long time.

-So we're going to have to get quite close to do that.

-We are, yeah.

It's one of the excuses we have to work quite closely with these guys.

Well, what could possibly go wrong? Let's do it.

Elephant seals can grow up to four metres in length

and weigh up to 2,000 kg.

That's longer and bigger than most cars.

And they don't take kindly to strangers.

This is very strange. I've got a lot of eyes on me.

Right, we've found one that we can mark.

Just get the...

..hair dye ready. 'With the dye mixed,

'the number written on backwards and my not-so-hi-tech marking device,

'we are ready to go.'

9404, we're coming to get you.

With this many seals and the tide high,

there's not much room for manoeuvre.

One false move could land me in serious trouble.

Patrick will distract the seal, and then it's up to me.

It's now or never.

-My heart!

-That was great!

That's really scary.

I was more worried about this little one.

I need a really strong, sweet cup of tea.

I think we can jump out of here

and get away from these guys.

Yeah, let's get away.

Ooh!

My messages. Let's see who's been calling me while I've been away.

Oh, it's Ed!

Hey, welcome home, Naomi.

Welcome home.

Now, I hear you're choosing your Ultimate Nightmare

for the whole series.

Tricky choice. Really tricky choice.

But it's got to be the spider, hasn't it?

Yeah? I mean, nothing can come close to THAT.

Anyway, looking forward to hearing what you choose.

Spider! Laters. Spider.

Yeah, thank you, Ed.

I didn't think the spider was too bad.

Nightmare for Ed, maybe.

He's a little bit tickly, isn't he?

Not for me.

But it's time to make my decision.

So what is my worst nightmare?

This is NOT an easy choice!

I have been inundated with nightmare contenders.

But can only choose one.

BLEATING

SQUAWKING

DING!

My Ultimate Nightmare has got to be my night in the Kalahari,

in the pitch black, with a pride of hunting lions.

I don't think anything could top that for sheer fear.

Oh, my God, I see one!

I met up with safari guide Dylan

and a pride of hungry lions,

with the aim of seeing their transformation

into nightmare hunters.

In the pitch blackness,

THIS is what I can actually see.

A big, fat nothing.

But that's not the case for lions.

THEY can see in the dark.

Their eyesight is six times better

than ours at night,

allowing them to bring down prey

as large as an elephant.

To keep track of these petrifying predators,

we have to use some special kit.

We're switching our cameras to infrared.

And we've put some red filters on our lights

so that we won't disturb the lions.

Then hopefully, this will all give us a secret view into their

night-time antics.

I literally cannot see the lions now, can you?

-No.

-'But I KNOW we're surrounded by a pride of deadly predators.

'And they're hungry.'

What you can't see can't hurt you.

Er, that's not true.

Until it's on top of you!

LION SNARLS

-See those eyes shining?

-Oh, gosh. This is terrifying.

'The lions' hunger is making them more active,

'and they're coming closer and closer to our vehicle.'

The cats are now holding all the cards.

It makes you feel part of the food chain.

I don't want to feel part of the food chain tonight!

LION GRUNTS

Oh, my gosh. That made me jump.

'These cats could easily kill a human

'and I'm starting to feel like

'they're eyeing us as potential prey.'

Oh, goodness. I feel sick.

(She's coming straight towards us.

-(Should we go?

-No.

(Are you sure we shouldn't move away?

(She saw me move then.

-(I'm terrified. I'm really scared.

-OK.

-)

Oh, she's going to come by me.

It's OK, just sit still, she won't do anything.

It's absolutely fine. Absolutely fine.

You're doing well.

You can see she's not interested at all.

LOW GRUNT

-She is.

-That's a contact call. She's now calling for her cubs.

She wants to go hunting.

But not for us.

'And drawn in by her calls, the rest of the pride come running.'

Beautiful, look.

Wow.

'A deadly team of hunters is assembled.

'And there's nothing between me and them.

'One leap and they could be inside our vehicle.'

-Are you sure we shouldn't go?

-No, don't worry.

'We start the engine.

'The lions turn and melt into the darkness.'

What an experience. I was sweating so much!

Shaking like a leaf. That is going to take me about a week to get over,

the feeling of that!

I don't think I've ever been that frightened.

Ever.

And that is why lions at night

take my Ultimate Series Nightmare crown.

Decision made.

So...

I've FINISHED nightmare hunting now.

Or have I?

DING!

But before I declare this gargantuan nightmare adventure over...

Thank you!

..there is just one last decision I need to make.

After the titles, of course.

Oh, I've gone to the wrong house!

She's gone to the wrong house.

It's the wrong house!

Right, hold on. Let me just...

She's just gone to the wrong house, everyone!

Sorry, went to the wrong house.