Home Sweet Home Naomi's Nightmares of Nature

Welcome to my Nightmares Of Nature!

I'm Naomi Wilkinson!

Oh, my goodness!

And I'm coming face-to-face with the nightmares of the animal world.

Oooh!

The ones that make your spine tingle...

..your heart beat faster...

Argh! There it is! There it is!

..and your blood run cold.

Are they truly terrifying?

Or is there a twist in the tale?

Come with me as I shine a light on wildlife's deepest, darkest secrets.

And see if you can guess which will be my worst nightmare.

EERIE WAILING

Welcome to my House of Horrors! Do come in!

This time, on Nightmares Of Nature,

I'm taking you on a tour of the creepy critters

collecting in the corners of this hideous haunted house.

Naomi? What are you doing?

This house isn't haunted.

I know it's not! It's my friend's house.

But I'm just trying to make a spooky opening, so just...

You're spoiling it. Just go in there.

Can I have my effects back, please?

Thank you.

I am going to take you on a tour of this perfectly normal house.

But I can still show you that it is full of nightmares!

Yes, our homes here in the UK are as good a place as any

to seek out some nightmares of nature.

So forget the map, we all know where we live.

This time, we have come to any old house in any old street in the UK...

..to show you the nightmare nasties roaming in your rooms.

Whaa!

Gathering in your gardens.

Eurgh!

And sauntering through your streets.

-Yargh!

-What was that?!

And my horror house tour begins in the bathroom.

It's not everyone's favourite part of the house to hang out in,

but there is one spindly spinner

that just loves to play hide-and-seek in here.

Under the sink, behind the shower curtain, down the plughole!

Spiders!

Argh! Look at that eight-legged monstrosity!

There are over 650 different species of spider in the UK.

All of them bite.

And, like us, they like to hunker down in winter in our houses!

Not so long ago, spiders were one of my biggest phobias.

I don't like it!

But over the years,

I'm proud to say I have pretty much conquered my fear.

DOORBELL

So I thought if I can do it, anyone can do it.

Which is why I've invited my spider-scolding friend, Ed, along

to see if I can turn his terror into tenderness.

He's going to love this.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-Hello!

Oh! I can't believe I agreed to come on this show.

You know you're always taking the mickey out of me for being scared?

Yep. "Oooh, I'm scared of sharks! Oh, I'm scared of badgers!"

Well, I thought I'd see how you cope. Hm!

-Is it some lovely kittens?

-Nope!

Over the last few days, the Nightmares team

has been collecting spiders from around their homes

and fondly naming them after the food container they were stored in.

Now, knowing Petrie, he's going to play this cool,

but trust me, he is petrified of spiders.

So, to calm his nerves around Bolognese, Beans and their pals,

I've also invited critter expert Tim.

Shall we start with the spiders in the wine glasses?

It's the worst dinner party ever!

THEY CHUCKLE

So this spider here you've probably seen running across

-the living-room floor when you're watching telly.

-Yep.

-Yes.

It's one of my least favourites.

It's got those things, the fangy things.

The bits at the front, like boxing gloves on the end of sticks.

-Yeah!

-They're not his fangs.

'They use them to feel their way around.'

These mean that it's an adult male.

-That's cool, because you can see those quite clearly.

-Yep.

So you could sound like a spider expert and just go,

-"Yeah, that's a male".

-While you're standing on a stool.

-SHE LAUGHS Screaming.

-Screaming.

This is also the spider that you often find in the bath.

Because spiders, just like us, need to drink.

-Most people think spiders come out of the plughole.

-Yeah.

If you think about a bath, it's got a tiny hole at the bottom,

-but a huge, big hole at the top.

-Mm.

So as a spider is walking around,

he falls into the big hole at the top.

And because his legs are used to walking across his spider web,

he can't grip onto the smooth sides.

-Aw! So, it's a total mistake if they're in the bath?

-Yeah.

The worst thing you can do is think, "Oh, he's come out of the plughole.

"We'll let him go back down there and wash him down."

Time for spider number two.

So this is another really common spider.

If you imagine a spider web or see a spider web in a cartoon...

They sit right in the middle.

..that is the kind of web that this spider builds.

And true to form Beans is already building.

So this bit of silk flying off the back, that's not an accident?

No, this is one of the ways that spiders get across a gap.

So it sits right at the top of a branch and it feels the wind,

it feels the wind moving and it sprays a line of silk

from the end of its body.

And you can see, if I touch this

silk over here, it attaches

onto my finger.

So that silk could attach to a tree on the other side and then it

could actually use that to crawl all the way across, like a tightrope.

That's genius.

I'm starting to quite like Beans, actually, he's got a personality.

Can we win Ed over on our final, somewhat controversial

spider, though?

So it's got a very gruesome-sounding name.

-It's actually a relative of the black widow spiders...

-Right, bye!

-..that you get in North America.

-I'm leaving now, bye.

-Really dangerous.

-It's been lovely and everything.

-Don't worry, Ed, don't worry.

-I'll see you around, Naomi.

-Come on, Petrie, you wuss.

-See you on Marry Mum And Dad.

-Come back, come back.

-There's more to the story,

-we haven't finished yet.

-Uh!

-This is the normal reaction. People think, "Argh!"

-"Agh!"

Normal, sensible reactions.

But the false widow is actually pretty much harmless.

-Pretty much harmless?

-Pretty much harmless.

-Good, I trust you, Tim.

So the bite from one of these spiders is no worse

than a bee or a wasp sting.

They'll only bite you if they're

stressed and you're causing it concern?

-I don't like the look of it.

-Why?

It just looks a bit terrifying.

'Hm, poor Paella.

'To prove to Ed, and you, that she's not scary, I'm going to hold her.'

Come on then, Paella. You can barely feel it.

I like this one now.

Is that bulbous body packed with venom?

No, this is a female so she's probably about to lay eggs.

Look, she's just sitting still. It's fine.

-Ed, want to have a go?

-Not really, no.

-Come on.

OK, well, if I do hold a spider, you've got to do a dare.

-Want to shake on that?

-No.

Whether this leggy lot will be in the running for my worst

nightmare will probably depend on what Ed's got in store for me.

In the meantime, I'm off to explore some more nightmare nooks.

And believe me, there are nasties

to be found in every room of the house.

Did you know that a brand-new cushion like this can double

its weight in three years thanks to the build-up of dust mites

inside it?

These eight-legged critters belong to the spider family and feed on

our dead skin flakes.

Eww!

SHE COUGHS

Hiding in many of our wardrobes

are moths that like to chomp on our clothes.

But it's not the adult moths responsible for our holey jumpers,

it's their larvae.

Lovely, soft natural fibres like wool and silk make the perfect nest

for laying eggs and a delicious dinner once hatched.

Oh, by the way,

they prefer dirty fabric containing nutrient-rich sweat.

SHE SNIFFS There's a good reason

to wash your clothes.

Yep, even the near-freezing temperatures of the fridge

aren't enough to fend off fiends.

Fancy some cheese?

Well, a few special cheeses like this one are riddled with

thousands of cheese mites.

Mmm! Anybody want some?

Want to try a bit? Anyone? No?

Perfectly harmless. Mm.

Mighty fine.

'The presence of horrible cheese mites may make your toes curl

'but they are not found in your everyday cheeses.'

My next nightmare can be found in the bedroom

and the bathroom,

ooh, and the kitchen.

In fact, pretty much anywhere in the house that you happen to be

if you're unfortunate enough to have them.

Itchy, scratchy, creepy head lice!

Thousands of UK kids bring them home from school every year

on their heads.

But I've been doing this show long enough to know that just because

something looks and feels like a nightmare

doesn't mean it definitely is a nightmare.

So, with the help of my local school pals,

I'm going to see if there's a nice side to lice.

Apart from a cold, nits are one of the things you're most likely

to catch from your classmates.

So these year six pupils

are perfectly placed to give their verdict

on these irritating insects.

Let's see if I can convince them that head lice aren't so bad

after all.

I've come armed with some live lice

and a microscope so we can see them really big.

-Are you ready to have a look at them? CHILDREN:

-Yes!

-Sure?

-Yeah.

Don't worry, they don't fly and they don't jump.

Right, can you see that? It's moving.

CHILDREN SHRIEK

-It looks like a long spider.

-It looks like a big ant.

No, cute.

-You think they're cute?

-Cute?

-No!

-It feels like a tiny squirrel.

-What?!

-A tiny squirrel.

Like a tiny squirrel, yeah?

'We know these tiny...squirrels as nits.

'But, actually, the crawling ones are lice.

'The nits are the eggs they lay, which are glued to the hairs

'so they can't get washed or brushed off.

'Once hatched, the louse's six legs are the perfect width apart to

'cling to two human-head hairs.'

This is the perfect example on this one.

They've got little claws on the end of each leg that help them grip

hold of the hairs.

Look how it climbs up the hair.

They're good movers. Oh, yay, go, lice(!)

OTHERS LAUGH

-Do they suck your blood?

-Exactly right.

That's exactly what they do. They're quite like mosquitoes

so they've got piercing,

pointy mouthparts that they dig into your scalp and they suck the blood.

-That's how they feed.

-Like vampires.

-Yeah, they're like vampires.

-Are they dangerous?

-No.

They don't spread any diseases so the only harm they cause us

is the itching.

'What makes us itch is their saliva.

'In it are substances that stop our blood clotting

'so they can keep on sucking. But it's these substances that

'we're allergic to so they make us scratch.'

If they can't jump then how do they get onto other heads?

They have to have head-to-head contact.

'They crawl from one head to another when two hairs touch.'

-I bet you that they love going to rugby matches.

-I bet you are right.

-I bet you are. Because of the scrum?

-Yeah.

Yeah, that's perfect head lice opportunity.

Are lice helpful in any way?

Well...

..no. We could survive just fine without them.

Think about it, they can't live on anywhere else on your body,

they don't live on other animals, they only live on humans.

They only live a month. Aw, they only live a month.

-Do you feel sorry for them? CHILDREN:

-No!

We're survivors.

-I think I'm losing this battle, aren't I?

-Yeah.

Who thinks they're nice? Hands up.

And who thinks they're nasty?

Yeah, I think everyone is pretty decided - they're nasty.

I'm defeated.

Well, I would love to say we are all wrong about head lice and

they are actually cute, cuddly critters that serve

a fundamental purpose to our universe.

But my friends have cast their vote and quite frankly,

I agree with them.

Defi-nit-ely nasty and could easily crawl their way to the head

of my worst-nightmare list. Eugh!

Now, I haven't forgotten about my dare.

I will be back later to check on Ed and his spiders.

But for the moment, I've had enough of these home-scuttling,

scratching, itching fiends.

Eugh! Get me out of this nightmare house!

Ah. Oh, at least my next nightmare is in the garden. Right.

Guys, I think you've made a bit of a mistake here.

It says here our next nightmare is the ladybird.

-No, it's not. That's right, Naoms.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

Oh, great.

I'm looking forward to this one, then, cos they happen to be

some of my favourite animals. Yes!

MUSIC: Country Gardens by Percy Grainger

Britain's best-loved beetle.

A sign of good luck.

Every gardener's best friend.

The collective term for a group of ladybirds is a loveliness.

Oh, come on, seriously.

How can a group of insects known as a loveliness

be a nightmare of nature?

To get a better look at this curious creature I've come to see

beetle expert Helen who's been

,lining up some specimens for me

under her microscope.

Helen, I love ladybirds. This is going to be great.

But what are they?

That's not a ladybird.

Before a ladybird becomes the ladybird we're so familiar with,

it has to go through a variety of stages.

So first of all, a ladybird begins its life as an egg.

And then out hatches a really tiny little larva.

So they are the larvae.

Eugh, that's revolting.

Then they've got a big challenge to find something to eat,

so, actually, they then eat their brothers and sisters sometimes.

What, they're cannibals?!

That's right, and once these hungry horrors

have run out of siblings to munch on,

they gobble up aphids that are nearly as big as they are.

As they grow and grow, they shed their skin again and again.

Until they become a pupa.

Under this protective shell,

they prepare to make their big transformation.

They literally break out of it.

And then out emerges a beautiful adult.

Yes, without spots.

It takes a few hours for those to appear.

So, as a larva, not so pretty, but as a beautiful adult,

I mean, come on, we love them. They're not a nightmare, are they?

-Well, let's go out in the garden and find out.

-OK!

First, though, we need to find some ladybirds.

Well, we've done OK, haven't we?

Yeah, I think we've done really well.

We have three different species.

I mean, they look pretty harmless to me, Helen.

They're really beautiful. I mean, look at that seven-spot ladybird.

But it will eat 60 to 80 aphids in one day.

NAOMI GASPS

Powerful jaws with sharp pincers crush and tear their prey apart,

making them the insect equivalent of a tiger.

Look at it. It looks so sweet.

That red colouration with those black spots is warning colouration.

It's full of toxins.

If I was to touch it very gently,

it might imagine that I'm being...a predator

and exude some chemicals from its knees.

Oh, yeah, look! That one's totally done it.

Sitting in a pool of yellow.

-That's not its wee?

-No, that's not its wee.

That's actually part of their blood,

and it contains that chemical of toxins that are inside its body.

-And it smells dreadful.

-It smells like...sort of compost.

And it really tastes quite horrible, so birds, for instance,

will just spit them out if they accidentally feed on them.

Good defence, ladybird.

But there is one species of ladybird that outdoes them all.

This.

The invasive harlequin ladybird.

It's a big beast of a beetle,

twice the size of our native species,

and much, much hungrier.

Not only does this pilfering predator nick our ladybirds' food,

it also gobbles up our ladybird larvae.

And when it gets a bit chilly outdoors,

these barbaric burglars invade our homes.

In their hundreds!

A loveliness of ladybirds? Nothing lovely about that.

OK, so I stand corrected.

I thought ladybirds were lovely,

but actually, they're swarming cannibals with toxic knees.

Not so ladylike after all.

They could fly off with my worst-nightmare crown.

My final contender is a neighbourhood nightmare.

It cruises the streets in the dead of night,

looking for its next meal.

Unknown to us, tucked up safely indoors...

SHE YAWNS

"It was an ordinary Tuesday night. The moon shone bright.

"Naomi had gone to bed early to catch up on some reading.

"Alone, at last."

SHE SIGHS

Seriously, don't you lot ever go home?

Yeah, maybe it was a good job they were there,

because...outside her bedroom window,

a predator was on the prowl.

ANIMAL SCREECHES What was that?!

That sounded horrific. SHE SIGHS

I'm going to have to go and investigate.

ANIMAL SCREECHES

It seems I'm not alone.

Also out on the hunt tonight is urban animal expert Ian.

Ian's a specialist in capturing

our culprit on camera.

Yep, this suburban screecher is...

the red fox...

..with a reputation for spreading disease and ransacking rubbish

as it runs riot on a hooligan killing spree.

But despite this, I'm going to try and snap one, too.

We don't have long to wait.

-Is that it?

-That's it, yeah.

-Is that it on the pavement?

Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes.

'Oh, not exactly the miscreant I had in mind.'

-SHE GASPS Oh, isn't it sweet?

-Yeah.

Wow, I never thought we would get this close.

-It's pretty rare to get this close.

-Yeah, I've never been this close.

I've been taking photos for five years, and it's only ever

three foxes that I've got that close to.

So, this one looks really young.

Yeah, this would be a cub from this year.

He's probably about eight months old.

At that tender age, a fox cub will be pushed out of its home territory

by its parent so they don't have to share their food.

So the parents will even fight their own offspring over food?

They let them know that they need to move on.

-And then they're left to just fend for themselves.

-Yeah.

-Wow. Tough life for a fox.

-Yeah, it is. You have to learn fast.

Careful you don't get run over!

Ooh! Sweet little thing!

Cars are the number one killers of urban foxes.

Seems they're more victims of our streets than prowling predators.

Looking at it now, it is so passive.

What was that awful sound that I heard?

It was probably the female fox calling for a mate.

-That's her flirting?

-Yeah, that's one way of putting it.

-And the males find that attractive?

-I suppose some do, yeah.

It's bloodcurdling.

-It sounds like there's a fight outside.

-Yeah.

So it's totally opposite to fighting, really?

-Opposite in 100%, yeah.

-It's looking for love.

When they're not looking for love, they're looking for food.

You won't find any nibbles in our camera gear.

In fact, these gutsy guzzlers have been running amok

in homes everywhere.

But watching them up close tonight

has been nothing less than a peaceful privilege.

Even if my souvenirs leave a little to be desired.

Well, now that I've seen them in the flesh,

can I really call these crafty canines my worst nightmare?

Smelly, noisy, mischievous, maybe,

and clearly a nightmare to photograph,

but I think these streets pose far more of a threat to them

than they ever do to us.

See ya.

'So, not such a nightmare ordeal for me.'

But I think it's time to find out

how Ed's been doing with his spider therapy.

OK, I'm back. How are you getting on?

Well...pretty well so far cos I haven't had to hold this guy.

And you're about to.

Give it a go. Never mind you -

I'm concerned that the spider might be worried.

Look at him! He's really moving around a lot. Oh, dear.

He's lovely, friendly Bolognese.

He won't eat you. It's fine.

-You're loving this, aren't you?

-Every second.

THEY LAUGH

-That's it. Nice deep breaths.

-Come on, Ed.

Keep your hands nice and flat.

-And there he goes.

-There we go.

-Yes! He's on your hand!

-Well done, well done.

-Oh...

-How does it feel?

Ew, he feels weird. He feels a bit weird.

-Is it slightly tickly?

-Yeah, he's a little bit tickly, isn't he?

-Ew, there we go....

-So, it's about being calm.

-Deep breath.

-I am calm.

-Relax.

Just think how scared a spider must be of a huge animal like a human.

That's better. That's better. I'm in the groove now.

I'm getting used to it. I am getting used to it.

So you're not going to be getting a pet tarantula,

-but they're not quite as bad as you thought.

-No.

Who knows, maybe next time there's one in the bath

maybe I could even pick it up and take it out of the house.

And that's Ed's ordeal over.

-Yay! Champion spider holder.

-Well done.

-Did it.

-And well done to the spider as well.

-He survived. Well done, spider.

-Well, I faced my fears.

-You did.

-So it's time for your dare.

Thank you.

"Seeing as you've become so fond of spiders,

"how about you see what it's like to be one?"

Well, that's all right.

-That's just sitting around and eating all day, isn't it?

-Wrong.

Oh, no.

My breakfast is hanging from a tree

at the end of a silk thread.

Ooh...

Otherwise known as a slackline.

Spiders can balance effortlessly on single threads

using thousands of tiny hairs on the ends of their legs.

If they want to catch their breakfast,

it is crucial that they navigate their delicate webs

with grace and speed.

Ooh! No! Argh!

What did you move that for? I was using it.

Ooh! Yeah, cool.

Spiders that do manage to catch their breakfast

then have to kill it with a stab of their sharp fangs.

Oh... No, thank you!

I'm not eating those. Full English for me, please.

Oh, of course.

Spiders inject their prey with digestive enzymes,

liquefying their insides so they can drink their meal.

Cheers.

SLURPING

House spiders can cover 330 times their own body length

in just ten seconds.

That is like you or me running 100 metres in one second.

So don't blink, Ed, or you'll miss this.

TRIUMPHANT MUSIC

Woohoo! Ha-ha!

SHE HUMS CELEBRATORY TUNE Easy! Yeah!

The house spider needs speed on its side

to escape its most deadly predator... Oh!

..the dreaded homeowner!

Just call me super-speedy spider.

Ha-ha! Too fast for you!

Do you think this is enough to stop me? You've got to be joking.

Ha-ha! SHE BLOWS RASPBERRY

SHE CACKLES

SHE GASPS

Oh, yeah, I forgot, house spiders often end their day

getting washed down the plughole.

Thanks for this, Ed.

Being a house spider is no fun.

Playing tag with giant humans, trying not to get washed away.

I actually feel quite sorry for them.

Is it a bit unfair to call them my worst nightmare?

Well, Naomi, it's that part of the show when you decide

what your worst nightmare is, so what's it going to be?

I've learnt I don't have to travel halfway

round the world to find nature's nightmares.

There are plenty, not just on your doorstep,

but on the wrong side of your doorstep.

Spiders! Argh!

I was pretty shocked by the ladybird, actually.

The spiders! Ooh, nasty! Huh?

Oh, remember that sound the fox made?

FOX SCREECHES

HE IMITATES FOX

I know.

It was the creepy, crawly, pointy-clawed, bloodsucking...

Spiders! Bye, folks.

..head lice.

SCREAMS IN DISGUST

Actually, Ed...what's that?

What? Argh! ARGH!

Argh!

I'm never coming on this show again!

SHE LAUGHS