Gnomes Nuzzle and Scratch: Frock and Roll

# Here we are - Nuzzle and Scratch

# Best by far - Nuzzle and Scratch

# We're alpacas from the Andes

# With hooves instead of handies

# No two others can match Nuzzle and Scratch. #

Nuzzle and Scratch!

Aww!

Oh, playing Catch the Furball is hard!

I know. If I throw lots of furballs to you, you're bound to catch one.

Hang on.

Here we go.

Ker-bloom!

-Oh.

-Let's try the giant furball.

The giant furball?

When I say "ready", I'll throw the giant furball

and all you've got to do is catch it.

-Ready?

-Ready to find today's costumes?

-OK.

HE LAUGHS

-Great catch, Captain.

-What are the twins dressing up as today?

-Gnomes.

-Oh, gnomes. I love their beards.

Ah, so you know what a gnome is then.

-I thought you said princesses.

-So you don't know what a gnome is.

Erm...no!

There we go.

Right...gnomes.

Ooh!

PROJECTOR BANGS

I wish I was a garden gnome.

I'm the Fancy Dress Genie. Your wish is my command.

Brilliant!

THEY LAUGH

Wait a minute. Gnomes aren't all green and spikey!

Oh, yes. Whoopsy, had a bit of a genie-jam there.

Let's try again. One gnome outfit coming right up.

Oh!

A blue coat with a shiny big buckle on it. That's more like it.

And you'll need a red pointy hat and a beard.

-Oh, pointy hat.

-And a beard!

-Now you're a gnome.

-What can I do?

Just sit still and look after the garden.

BUZZING

Uh-oh. There's a bee.

I said sit still.

There you go. A fancy dress costume for a fancy dress party.

-The twins will love dressing up as gnomes.

-Ah, they will.

Well, you two, go and find the costumes, I'll open up the shop.

Aye aye, Captain!

# Dressing up is fun, you can be anyone

# A monkey or a queen, every costume you can dream

# Everybody knows that wearing different clothes

# Is fun, dressing up is fun. #

Boo!

Boo!

# Dressing up, dressing up, just pass them to me

# Dressing up, dressing up, is very groovy

# Dressing up, dressing up, so raise your hoovie

# If you know what you'll wear today

# What will you wear today? #

We're gnomes!

Look at the size of your buckle!

-Have you found those costumes yet?

-Yeah, we have, Captain.

Good. the twins will be here soon.

-Oh, crumbs!

-Problem, Captain?

I'll say there is. The hold's empty, lads. We're out of sponge fingers.

BOTH: Oh! No sponge fingers?!

Oh, tell you what. Why don't you sail out to the sponge finger shop,

-get some fresh supplies?

-We're on our way!

-I like my beard.

-Yeah, cos we're gnomes!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, I say... Could you...?

OH. Ah, well.

Two alpacas dressed as gnomes, gone to buy sponge fingers...

What could possibly go wrong?

Sponge fingers? Sponger fingers?

We look very smart in our gnome beards and jackets.

Sponge fingers! Sponge fingers!

Let's buy at least 100 packets!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, look, Scratch. It's a gnome, just like us!

I wonder if he'd like some sponge fingers too.

-Let's go and ask him.

-OK.

Gnomey! Gnomey!

Ah! Hello, hello, hello! I like your costume. It's just like mine.

Yes. You've got a fuzzily beard, just like mine!

Do you find it's a little itchy sometimes? Mine is.

Itchy.

Hello?

Oh. Well, he's not very chatty, is he?

Maybe his gnomey hair has got into his gnomey ears.

Hang on a second. Hello, gnome!

-Gnomey!

-Gnomey!

-Gnomey!

-Gnomey-gnomey!

-Come on. Let's herd him!

-Herd up!

Nuzzle and Scratch!

Aargh!

Nuzzle and Scratch, is that you?

Well, that did the trick, Scratch. The gnome's talking now.

It's not the gnome talking. It's me! Holly!

Oh, hello.

I spotted you two in your costumes. You're just what I'm looking for.

-Oh. Go on.

-Today is Gnome Day at the garden centre.

People come from all around to see my gnome display.

But I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I need two extra gnomes, just like you, for my centrepiece.

You are perfect!

Well, did you hear that, Gnome-Nuz? She said we're perfect!

We're perfect! Perfect, perfect, perfect!

Oh!

-Oh, whoopsy.

-Are we still perfect?

Oh!

Aww! She loves us!

-Plants.

-And more plants.

-And even more plants.

-Plants are cool.

-Where's the gnomes then?

This is my gnome display.

Oh. What does it do?

Erm...this.

-Oh.

-I've got teeny gnomes and tiny gnomes

and somewhere in the middle gnomes, fishing gnomes and wishing gnomes

and happy gnomes and cheeky-chappie gnomes.

-Hello, gnomes!

-Hello, gnomes!

Hello... Hello!

Hello? I think these gnomes have got hair in their ears too, Nuz.

-Hello!

-Gnomes don't speak.

-Well, maybe they're just shy.

Yes. Poor little shy gnomes. Come on. Give Gnomey-Nuzzle a cuddle!

They don't move either.

And that is exactly what I need you two to do,

stand in the middle of the display and not move or speak.

BOTH: Oh, easy.

Right, we're gnomes....now!

Very good, you two. Very good.

My gnome display is perfect. See you later.

Er...bye-bye.

Er...Nuzz.

I really need to scratch.

This beard is too itchy!

Mine's a bit itchy too!

Oh, scratchy-scratchy.

What is going on?! Argh!

-Holly!

-Look what you've done to the gnome display.

-What?!

-The furballs look great, but the gnomes are higgledy-piggledy.

But it's a gnome display, not a furball display.

And today is Gnome Day, not Furball Day.

BOTH: Oh, yes.

I'm opening up soon, so you'd better get these furballs cleared up.

Yes, sir, Holly, sir!

The Captain is always telling us to clear up our furballs.

I think Holly and Captain Cakecrumb will get on rather well.

Yes. I like the sound of Furball day.

There you go. Thank you very much. Would you like a bag?

Peace at last. Ah...

-Hello, Captain.

-Hello, twins.

-We've come for our costumes.

-Yes. Where are they?

-Good question.

(Nuzzle, Scratch, where are you?)

-All you have to do is...

-Stand still, not move.

-And not speak.

-Good!

Now, I need to get the rest of the garden centre ready to open.

OK.

Well, not speaking and not moving is so boring.

-I'm bored!

-Yes, me too.

And I don't know what to do with all these furballs.

Let's play Catch the Furball. That's not boring.

Yes. We can play Catch the Furball with our new gnomey friends.

-Rod, over there, he wants to go first.

-Throw one at him.

-OK, Rod, ready?

-Ready?

-Oh.

-He didn't even try to catch it.

-Why don't we try Tony, over there?

-Go on, take one.

-Ready, Tone?

Well, I think I conclude that gnomes are not good at Catch the Furball.

No.

-What about Holly lady?

-Oh, yes. She'd be good at catching.

-Go on.

-Ready, Holly?

-Ready, Holly?

-Oh, no! Holly isn't very good at catching either.

-My flowers!

-Yes. Look at what you've done to the gnome display.

-It's ruined!

It won't take long to clear up this mess and then all you need to do

is stay there, not move and not speak. Got it?

Oh! Very Good! I suppose this means you aren't going to help clear up.

Oh. Never mind.

(We're getting very good at pretending to be gnomes, Nuzz.)

(We really are helping Holly, aren't we?)

(We certainly are.)

# Helping out is fun

# Getting something done

# Get set go and don't be slow, we've only just begun

# Whatever we may do

# There's laughter all day through

# We must confess, we make a mess when trying something new

# Helping is fun

# Helping is fun

# Helping is fun

# Getting stuff done

# We're helping out with glee

# That's our guarantee

# A chuckle makes a happy place, as both of us agree

# Helping is fun. #

But you didn't help at all.

I had to clear this mess up all by myself.

You've done a very good job.

-Really?

-Yes.

-It looks brilliant.

-It looks GNOME-tastic.

Get it? GNOME-tastic.

It looks GNOME-alicous. LAUGHTER

Calm down. Remember you're supposed to be standing still,

not moving or speaking.

-Did you hear me?

-I heard you.

No, I heard you.

Let's both heard her.

SHE SCREAMS

THUD!

Woopsie!

Holly will get on with the Captain.

He likes sitting in ponds too.

He's probably too busy having fun with the twins

-to have time to sit in a pond.

-Probably.

-Where are our costumes?

-HE LAUGHS

I know they're here somewhere.

My faithful assistants are probably making sure they are perfect.

HE CHUCKLES

Some things you can't rush.

-We want our costumes.

-Yes, yes, of course you do.

It's ridiculous. I'll just go and see...

Stay there.

PHONE VIBRATES

Nuzzle, no moving.

Ugh! I can't help it, Scratch... Ooh!

It's my phone ringing.

I'll try and get it. Got it!

Hello. Gnome Scratch speaking.

Where are you? The twins are waiting for their costumes.

At the garden centre, not moving and we're not supposed to be speaking.

-I need those costumes and fast.

-We won't be long.

We have to wait for the people to come and look at the gnome display.

Don't forget the sponge fingers.

-OK, see you later.

-He's a funny one.

Let's get on with being gnomes. No moving.

No speaking. Ha ha.

Great work, Nuzzle and Scratch.

The people will be here really soon.

I hope the people do get here soon.

Being a gnome is no fun, I'm bored.

I'm double bored.

-I'm double bored with sprinkles on top.

-That's really bored!

How can we not move and have fun at the same time?

I know. We could play musical statues.

You mustn't move when you play musical statues.

-Brilliant idea.

-Come on, let's play.

You want to play too, don't you, gnomies?

Ha ha, see, they're playing already.

Oh-oh, I shall play the bugle for the music.

-Ha ha ha!

-Here we go.

HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

OUT-OF-TUNE HORN BLOWS

THE CHILDREN ALL LAUGH

-HORN STOPS

-And freeze.

Uh-uh-ooh! THUD

Oh-ho-ho, you moved, Gnome Nuzz.

-Gnomies have won.

-Agh! Well, that's not fair.

-They're good at this game.

-They've had practice.

-Let's play another game instead.

-What shall we play?

I know what we can play!

I want you to put your hoovies over your eyes,

and count to ten.

This sounds like a whole heap of fun.

One, two, three, four...

The gnome display is now open!

CHILDREN CHEER

..seven, eight, nine,

ten!

Nuzzle! Nuzzle? Where are you?

-I'm here.

-I've counted to ten, what game are we playing?

Ah, well, it's... Oh, look.

Here comes that Holly lady

with all the people to look at the display. HE GASPS

-They can play too.

-Oh yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

may I present my gnome display.

-THEY ALL GASP

-My gnomes!

-Where have they gone?

-They're playing hide and seek.

-What?!

-All the gnomes are hiding and you have to find them.

-That's...

-Brilliant!

We love playing hide and seek, don't we?

-CHILDREN: Yes!

-Come on, everybody.

Great idea, Gnome Nuzz.

-Hello, Mr Gnome.

-Found you.

-I can see you.

-This is so much better than a boring gnome display.

Thank you, Nuzzle and Scratch.

The hide and seek gnome display is great fun.

And our gnomie friends are having fun too.

He's got a red hat.

And to say thank you, I thought you might like to keep a gnome.

Thank you. The Captain will love this gnomie.

-He likes boats too.

-Thank you, Holly.

Let's get these costumes back to the fancy dress shop.

-Well, bye.

-Bye, Holly.

-Bye, Holly. Bye.

THEY SIGH

HE GULPS

COW MOOS

-BOTH:

-Time's up, Captain.

A... Bu...

-Nuzzle!

-Scratch!

-NUZZLE AND SCRATCH:

-Twins!

-Here are your costumes.

-Thank you, Scratch.

-Thank you, Nuzzle.

-Toodle oodles.

-- Bye then.

-Bye.

-Bye.

CAPTAIN EXHALES DEEPLY

And we were so good at being gnomes, Holly gave us a gnome to keep.

-Ah.

-Yes. So we brought it back for you, Captain.

I'm not sure gnomes are my cup of tea.

No! No, no, you'll like this one because it's a gnome in a boat.

-Yeah, here you go.

-Yes, well, he is rather splendid.

I shall call him Simon.

THEY LAUGH

He's not Simon! He's Adrian!

Of course he is. How foolish of me.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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BOO! THEY LAUGH

Captain!