Gnomes Nuzzle and Scratch: Frock and Roll


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# Here we are - Nuzzle and Scratch

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# Best by far - Nuzzle and Scratch

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# We're alpacas from the Andes

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# With hooves instead of handies

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# No two others can match Nuzzle and Scratch. #

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Nuzzle and Scratch!

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Aww!

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Oh, playing Catch the Furball is hard!

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I know. If I throw lots of furballs to you, you're bound to catch one.

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Hang on.

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Here we go.

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Ker-bloom!

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-Oh.

-Let's try the giant furball.

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The giant furball?

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When I say "ready", I'll throw the giant furball

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and all you've got to do is catch it.

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-Ready?

-Ready to find today's costumes?

-OK.

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HE LAUGHS

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-Great catch, Captain.

-What are the twins dressing up as today?

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-Gnomes.

-Oh, gnomes. I love their beards.

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Ah, so you know what a gnome is then.

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-I thought you said princesses.

-So you don't know what a gnome is.

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Erm...no!

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There we go.

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Right...gnomes.

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Ooh!

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PROJECTOR BANGS

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I wish I was a garden gnome.

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I'm the Fancy Dress Genie. Your wish is my command.

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Brilliant!

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THEY LAUGH

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Wait a minute. Gnomes aren't all green and spikey!

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Oh, yes. Whoopsy, had a bit of a genie-jam there.

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Let's try again. One gnome outfit coming right up.

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Oh!

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A blue coat with a shiny big buckle on it. That's more like it.

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And you'll need a red pointy hat and a beard.

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-Oh, pointy hat.

-And a beard!

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-Now you're a gnome.

-What can I do?

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Just sit still and look after the garden.

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BUZZING

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Uh-oh. There's a bee.

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I said sit still.

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There you go. A fancy dress costume for a fancy dress party.

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-The twins will love dressing up as gnomes.

-Ah, they will.

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Well, you two, go and find the costumes, I'll open up the shop.

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Aye aye, Captain!

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# Dressing up is fun, you can be anyone

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# A monkey or a queen, every costume you can dream

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# Everybody knows that wearing different clothes

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# Is fun, dressing up is fun. #

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Boo!

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Boo!

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# Dressing up, dressing up, just pass them to me

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# Dressing up, dressing up, is very groovy

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# Dressing up, dressing up, so raise your hoovie

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# If you know what you'll wear today

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# What will you wear today? #

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We're gnomes!

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Look at the size of your buckle!

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-Have you found those costumes yet?

-Yeah, we have, Captain.

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Good. the twins will be here soon.

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-Oh, crumbs!

-Problem, Captain?

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I'll say there is. The hold's empty, lads. We're out of sponge fingers.

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BOTH: Oh! No sponge fingers?!

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Oh, tell you what. Why don't you sail out to the sponge finger shop,

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-get some fresh supplies?

-We're on our way!

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-I like my beard.

-Yeah, cos we're gnomes!

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, I say... Could you...?

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OH. Ah, well.

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Two alpacas dressed as gnomes, gone to buy sponge fingers...

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What could possibly go wrong?

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Sponge fingers? Sponger fingers?

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We look very smart in our gnome beards and jackets.

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Sponge fingers! Sponge fingers!

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Let's buy at least 100 packets!

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THEY LAUGH

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Oh, look, Scratch. It's a gnome, just like us!

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I wonder if he'd like some sponge fingers too.

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-Let's go and ask him.

-OK.

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Gnomey! Gnomey!

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Ah! Hello, hello, hello! I like your costume. It's just like mine.

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Yes. You've got a fuzzily beard, just like mine!

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Do you find it's a little itchy sometimes? Mine is.

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Itchy.

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Hello?

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Oh. Well, he's not very chatty, is he?

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Maybe his gnomey hair has got into his gnomey ears.

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Hang on a second. Hello, gnome!

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-Gnomey!

-Gnomey!

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-Gnomey!

-Gnomey-gnomey!

-Come on. Let's herd him!

-Herd up!

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Nuzzle and Scratch!

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Aargh!

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Nuzzle and Scratch, is that you?

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Well, that did the trick, Scratch. The gnome's talking now.

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It's not the gnome talking. It's me! Holly!

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Oh, hello.

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I spotted you two in your costumes. You're just what I'm looking for.

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-Oh. Go on.

-Today is Gnome Day at the garden centre.

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People come from all around to see my gnome display.

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But I'm in a bit of a pickle.

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I need two extra gnomes, just like you, for my centrepiece.

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You are perfect!

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Well, did you hear that, Gnome-Nuz? She said we're perfect!

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We're perfect! Perfect, perfect, perfect!

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Oh!

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-Oh, whoopsy.

-Are we still perfect?

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Oh!

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Aww! She loves us!

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-Plants.

-And more plants.

-And even more plants.

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-Plants are cool.

-Where's the gnomes then?

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This is my gnome display.

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Oh. What does it do?

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Erm...this.

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-Oh.

-I've got teeny gnomes and tiny gnomes

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and somewhere in the middle gnomes, fishing gnomes and wishing gnomes

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and happy gnomes and cheeky-chappie gnomes.

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-Hello, gnomes!

-Hello, gnomes!

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Hello... Hello!

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Hello? I think these gnomes have got hair in their ears too, Nuz.

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-Hello!

-Gnomes don't speak.

-Well, maybe they're just shy.

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Yes. Poor little shy gnomes. Come on. Give Gnomey-Nuzzle a cuddle!

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They don't move either.

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And that is exactly what I need you two to do,

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stand in the middle of the display and not move or speak.

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BOTH: Oh, easy.

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Right, we're gnomes....now!

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Very good, you two. Very good.

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My gnome display is perfect. See you later.

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Er...bye-bye.

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Er...Nuzz.

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I really need to scratch.

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This beard is too itchy!

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Mine's a bit itchy too!

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Oh, scratchy-scratchy.

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What is going on?! Argh!

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-Holly!

-Look what you've done to the gnome display.

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-What?!

-The furballs look great, but the gnomes are higgledy-piggledy.

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But it's a gnome display, not a furball display.

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And today is Gnome Day, not Furball Day.

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BOTH: Oh, yes.

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I'm opening up soon, so you'd better get these furballs cleared up.

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Yes, sir, Holly, sir!

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The Captain is always telling us to clear up our furballs.

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I think Holly and Captain Cakecrumb will get on rather well.

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Yes. I like the sound of Furball day.

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There you go. Thank you very much. Would you like a bag?

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Peace at last. Ah...

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-Hello, Captain.

-Hello, twins.

-We've come for our costumes.

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-Yes. Where are they?

-Good question.

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(Nuzzle, Scratch, where are you?)

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-All you have to do is...

-Stand still, not move.

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-And not speak.

-Good!

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Now, I need to get the rest of the garden centre ready to open.

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OK.

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Well, not speaking and not moving is so boring.

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-I'm bored!

-Yes, me too.

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And I don't know what to do with all these furballs.

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Let's play Catch the Furball. That's not boring.

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Yes. We can play Catch the Furball with our new gnomey friends.

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-Rod, over there, he wants to go first.

-Throw one at him.

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-OK, Rod, ready?

-Ready?

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-Oh.

-He didn't even try to catch it.

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-Why don't we try Tony, over there?

-Go on, take one.

-Ready, Tone?

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Well, I think I conclude that gnomes are not good at Catch the Furball.

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No.

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-What about Holly lady?

-Oh, yes. She'd be good at catching.

-Go on.

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-Ready, Holly?

-Ready, Holly?

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-Oh, no! Holly isn't very good at catching either.

-My flowers!

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-Yes. Look at what you've done to the gnome display.

-It's ruined!

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It won't take long to clear up this mess and then all you need to do

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is stay there, not move and not speak. Got it?

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Oh! Very Good! I suppose this means you aren't going to help clear up.

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Oh. Never mind.

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(We're getting very good at pretending to be gnomes, Nuzz.)

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(We really are helping Holly, aren't we?)

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(We certainly are.)

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# Helping out is fun

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# Getting something done

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# Get set go and don't be slow, we've only just begun

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# Whatever we may do

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# There's laughter all day through

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# We must confess, we make a mess when trying something new

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# Helping is fun

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# Helping is fun

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# Helping is fun

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# Getting stuff done

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# We're helping out with glee

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# That's our guarantee

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# A chuckle makes a happy place, as both of us agree

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# Helping is fun. #

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But you didn't help at all.

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I had to clear this mess up all by myself.

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You've done a very good job.

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-Really?

-Yes.

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-It looks brilliant.

-It looks GNOME-tastic.

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Get it? GNOME-tastic.

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It looks GNOME-alicous. LAUGHTER

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Calm down. Remember you're supposed to be standing still,

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not moving or speaking.

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-Did you hear me?

-I heard you.

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No, I heard you.

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Let's both heard her.

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SHE SCREAMS

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THUD!

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Woopsie!

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Holly will get on with the Captain.

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He likes sitting in ponds too.

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He's probably too busy having fun with the twins

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-to have time to sit in a pond.

-Probably.

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-Where are our costumes?

-HE LAUGHS

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I know they're here somewhere.

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My faithful assistants are probably making sure they are perfect.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Some things you can't rush.

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-We want our costumes.

-Yes, yes, of course you do.

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It's ridiculous. I'll just go and see...

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Stay there.

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PHONE VIBRATES

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Nuzzle, no moving.

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Ugh! I can't help it, Scratch... Ooh!

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It's my phone ringing.

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I'll try and get it. Got it!

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Hello. Gnome Scratch speaking.

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Where are you? The twins are waiting for their costumes.

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At the garden centre, not moving and we're not supposed to be speaking.

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-I need those costumes and fast.

-We won't be long.

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We have to wait for the people to come and look at the gnome display.

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Don't forget the sponge fingers.

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-OK, see you later.

-He's a funny one.

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Let's get on with being gnomes. No moving.

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No speaking. Ha ha.

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Great work, Nuzzle and Scratch.

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The people will be here really soon.

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I hope the people do get here soon.

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Being a gnome is no fun, I'm bored.

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I'm double bored.

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-I'm double bored with sprinkles on top.

-That's really bored!

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How can we not move and have fun at the same time?

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I know. We could play musical statues.

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You mustn't move when you play musical statues.

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-Brilliant idea.

-Come on, let's play.

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You want to play too, don't you, gnomies?

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Ha ha, see, they're playing already.

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Oh-oh, I shall play the bugle for the music.

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-Ha ha ha!

-Here we go.

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HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

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OUT-OF-TUNE HORN BLOWS

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THE CHILDREN ALL LAUGH

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-HORN STOPS

-And freeze.

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Uh-uh-ooh! THUD

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Oh-ho-ho, you moved, Gnome Nuzz.

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-Gnomies have won.

-Agh! Well, that's not fair.

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-They're good at this game.

-They've had practice.

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-Let's play another game instead.

-What shall we play?

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I know what we can play!

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I want you to put your hoovies over your eyes,

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and count to ten.

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This sounds like a whole heap of fun.

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One, two, three, four...

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The gnome display is now open!

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CHILDREN CHEER

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..seven, eight, nine,

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ten!

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Nuzzle! Nuzzle? Where are you?

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-I'm here.

-I've counted to ten, what game are we playing?

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Ah, well, it's... Oh, look.

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Here comes that Holly lady

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with all the people to look at the display. HE GASPS

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-They can play too.

-Oh yes.

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

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may I present my gnome display.

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-THEY ALL GASP

-My gnomes!

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-Where have they gone?

-They're playing hide and seek.

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-What?!

-All the gnomes are hiding and you have to find them.

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-That's...

-Brilliant!

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We love playing hide and seek, don't we?

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-CHILDREN: Yes!

-Come on, everybody.

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Great idea, Gnome Nuzz.

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-Hello, Mr Gnome.

-Found you.

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-I can see you.

-This is so much better than a boring gnome display.

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Thank you, Nuzzle and Scratch.

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The hide and seek gnome display is great fun.

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And our gnomie friends are having fun too.

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He's got a red hat.

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And to say thank you, I thought you might like to keep a gnome.

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Thank you. The Captain will love this gnomie.

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-He likes boats too.

-Thank you, Holly.

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Let's get these costumes back to the fancy dress shop.

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-Well, bye.

-Bye, Holly.

-Bye, Holly. Bye.

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THEY SIGH

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HE GULPS

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COW MOOS

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-BOTH:

-Time's up, Captain.

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A... Bu...

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-Nuzzle!

-Scratch!

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-NUZZLE AND SCRATCH:

-Twins!

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-Here are your costumes.

-Thank you, Scratch.

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-Thank you, Nuzzle.

-Toodle oodles.

-- Bye then.

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-Bye.

-Bye.

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CAPTAIN EXHALES DEEPLY

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And we were so good at being gnomes, Holly gave us a gnome to keep.

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-Ah.

-Yes. So we brought it back for you, Captain.

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I'm not sure gnomes are my cup of tea.

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No! No, no, you'll like this one because it's a gnome in a boat.

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-Yeah, here you go.

-Yes, well, he is rather splendid.

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I shall call him Simon.

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THEY LAUGH

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He's not Simon! He's Adrian!

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Of course he is. How foolish of me.

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Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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E-mail [email protected]

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BOO! THEY LAUGH

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Captain!

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