Episode 12 Officially Amazing

Welcome to Officially Amazing,

the show that guarantees to bring you

the most talented, the most courageous and, dare I say,

the most handsome record-breakers from across the planet.

But sometimes, when they're not available,

we have to do the best with what we have.

In this case, we've managed to get award-winning comic and actor

-Lee Mack.

-I feel very welcomed, Ben.

Yes, it's my pleasure, Lee.

So, tell us, what record will you be attempting today?

Is it the world's loudest laugh? The world's best joke?

The world's greatest actor to appear in a sitcom called Not Going Out?

No, Ben, today I will be going for the world record for the most

amount of number twos in a minute.

Both intriguing and disconcerting.

Here's what's coming up on today's show.

You won't belly-ieve what this man's going to do.

And it's feeding time in the secret bunker,

but first, it's back to the Mack.

We kick off today's show with the most number twos in one minute.

PARP!

Not that! We mean darts,

and the man attempting this possibly deliberately misleading record

is award-winning comedian and actor Lee Mack!

-So this is an exciting thing.

-I'm genuinely excited.

I'm a massive darts fan and I played for Comic Relief.

-You won that competition.

-Whatever?! I didn't want to bring it up.

-Oh, I did, didn't I?

-How's the training been going?

I've got a dartboard at home, which annoys my kids.

They go to bed at night and they're trying to get to sleep

and all they hear is thud-thud-thud

and an occasional thud-thud... "GRRR!"

Number twos isn't the only record you're going for today?

No, it's not. I'm going for the most bull's-eyes or outer bulls.

-I have

-practised. Good.

Bearing in mind it took me about 17-and-a-half days to do it once.

-I'm looking forward to seeing it.

-I'm genuinely nervous and excited.

Here are the rules for the number twos record attempt.

Only darts hitting these areas that score two point will be valid.

That means the red double and triple zones will not count.

Lee must throw from the standard distance of 2.37 metres

from the dartboard

and the target for this brand-new world record

is 14 number twos in one minute.

Right, Lee, it's time for the record attempt.

Are you sure you don't want to go for a number one?

I'm quite nervous but I think I'll be OK.

Three...two...one...go.

KLAXON SOUNDS

'Yes... No!

'But that's two quick number twos already.

'That's more than I usually manage in a whole day.

'Lee can only use three darts for this attempt.'

He's lost a flight. That's going to add time on.

'Fallen darts or dislodged flights will cost precious seconds.'

-Come on.

-He's having a word with himself. Come on, Lee.

Three...two...one....time.

KLAXON SOUNDS

'Ooh, time's up. Did Lee hit enough number twos to claim the record?'

In order to get the record,

you needed 14 number twos in one minute.

You achieved...

-13.

-Recount! Recount! I want a recount!

I mean, never mind, these things happen.

'Attempt number two.

'Just relax, Lee, and the number twos will come naturally.'

A strong start. It's a Mack attack. Come on.

'That's five valid darts so far. Oh, six!'

Going great guns at the moment. Come on, Lee.

'To take this record,

'Lee needs to land a successful dart roughly every four seconds.

'That's nine out of nine.

'The watching Mini Macks will be loving this.

'He's so close.

'It's a real balancing act of speed against precision.

'If he rushes too much, his accuracy could suffer.'

Five...four...three...two...one.

KLAXON SOUNDS

Ooh, right on the timer!

'Incredible accuracy delivered at great speed,

'but did he reach the target of 14?'

That attempt you achieved...

..18, which is a brand-new Guinness World Record!

'Take a breather, Lee.

'A far tougher challenge awaits you after Al and Haruka and...'

This is Wang Zhanjun, a master of the martial art of t'ai chi, which,

as you can see, focuses on internal power.

And that should help in his attempt to set a record for

the farthest distance flipping

a 2kg weight...with the stomach?!

They've even built a miniature long jump pit for him to flip it into.

Impressive scenes. The target for this new world record is 65cms.

First, like all athletes, Wang must warm up.

Whoa! what is going on here?

Is something trying to escape?

Amazing! And slightly disconcerting.

Remember, that thing weighed the same as two bags of sugar.

That is what I call stomach-churning.

How on earth did he do that?

No idea, but Wang's beguiling belly flipped that weight

a record-breaking distance of 98cms.

He really gave it some welly with his belly.

Now the return of the Mack.

Earlier, Lee Mack proved he's the world's number one at number twos,

but this comedian now faces a challenge that would daunt

even a professional darts player.

This time, Lee must only land his darts in the inner and outer

bull's-eyes and the record to beat is 11 bulls-eyes in one minute.

Let's get darted.

Three...two...one...go!

Lee has played darts for years.

He's good,

but now he's aiming at a circle not much larger than a 50 pence piece.

This will not be easy.

Let's see how his first attempt went.

-That was just six.

-So over halfway.

Just six?!

'He's back out for another go

'but he's having a few problems with those flights.'

-Seven.

-Right, heading in the right direction.

'The longer he plays, the more accurate he's becoming.

'Will all those hours of late-night practice in his bedroom pay off?'

Nine bull's-eyes.

-Ooh! Getting better, Lee.

-Getting close.

-You feel it's coming on?

-I feel...

Give me another 16 days. All I ask.

'We don't have that long, Lee, but you were just two short.

'You're so close.

'Crack! Whack! Thwack!

'He's not slack. He's got the knack.

'He won't crack and his name's not Jack.

'It's the Lee Mack darts attack.

'Ooh, that looked like a strong attempt. How did he do?'

11. You equalled the world record.

'Incredibly, he's equalled the record.

'Can he go just one bull's-eye further and break it?'

Go.

'Two out of three. A solid start.'

Come on. This is pace.

'His eye's in. His arm's in. Come on, Lee, get those darts in.'

'A perfect set. That's five bulls in six throws.'

-Yes.

-15 seconds.

-Come on, Lee. Come on.

'Time is running out. Can he hold his nerve?'

Time.

'We've seen him equal this record.

'Has he now done the unthinkable and broken it?'

On that attempt, you achieved...

..12, which is a brand-new Guinness World Record!

Come on! Come on!

-Congratulations.

-I'm genuinely delighted. Thank you so much.

'Two records in one day and the Mini Macks are delighted.

'Now another record that requires skill, speed and real hunger.'

Once again, three superheroes with no superpowers clash in a bid

to find out who's best at breaking records you can try at home.

They are America's finest, US Ray.

Japan's finest, Mr Cherry.

-And Britain's finest...

-Wait, really?!

-Of course!

Sizzling Steve!

This is Officially Competitive 3-D.

Brought to you in glorious 2-D.

Last time out, Mr Cherry sharpened his way

to the top of the leaderboard.

Cherry!

And with four events left, anyone can still win.

Today is my kind of record.

Yeah, I'm afraid it's not as deliciously simple as it sounds, Al.

They're not allowed to use their hands.

Hands schmands, man!

'Oh, sorry you had to see this. It's both unhealthy and unseemly.

'Let's get to the team talks.'

How many have you eaten in preparation for this record attempt?

Er, one.

Why haven't you practised for this?

Cos I'm no good at it, Ben.

Well, at least Steve's training won't affect his waistline.

But how has Cherry-san fared?

Do you have any particular technique

that you're going to use today?

-TRANSLATION:

-No, I'll start by surveying the doughnut, then...

HE SNORTS

HE GULPS

..I will consume it quickly

like a famished little piggy.

A piggy that loves doughnuts.

Well, good luck, Mr Cherry

and DOUGHNUT fail!

Well, that's one approach. How's Ray going to DOUGH it?

How do you fit doughnuts into your muscle-bound lifestyle?

-I just eat them faster.

-Faster?

Yeah. More power, more energy.

That's the way you keep the weight off just eat faster?

-Go faster. Burns more calories.

-I've never read or heard that.

Yep, that's because Ray's talking nonsense.

Keep the doughnut diet up, Ray, and your flipping days are numbered.

Here are the rules.

Doughnuts must be covered in sugar and have jam in the middle.

The doughnut may not be touched with any body part except the mouth

and lips must not be licked.

And, to break the record,

our heroes must have eaten a full doughnut in less than 11.41 seconds.

I guess we can say a little dough-Ray-me.

Hey!

Urgh, I wish you hadn't!

Three...two...one...go.

Come on, Ray. Get in there, get in there.

Ray almost seems to be trying to

inhale the entire doughnut in one go.

Yes, no finesse, no style, just sheer jaw strength.

That's all right, Ray. You do whatever you want to do.

No matter how disgusting.

Ray is doing his best to chomp that dough,

but it does not seem to be working.

He seems to be hoarding the doughnut in his cheeks like some

kind of giant American hamster.

-Do you want to start chewing?

-Mmm.

-If you're done, you're done. I think this is over.

-Mmm.

All right.

So Ray's tactic of putting the whole thing in his mouth at once

backfires and he can't eat it.

Don't try that at home.

Come on Cherry-san. Go.

Unlike Ray, Cherry is tearing off manageable chunks,

much like a lion feasting on the rump

of a large sugar-coated wildebeest.

But, just like Ray, he's struggling to swallow...

..and won't get close to that target of 11.41 seconds.

Wait, did I see a little lick there?

Let's see that again. Oh, yes, look at that.

A definite lip smack.

But did official adjudicator Shantha spot it?

I don't think he even knew he did it.

That's the devious nature of this record.

The doughnut is gone

but did that tempestuous tongue end his attempt?

So, with Ray out the running

and Mr Cherry facing possible disqualification,

what does the Sizzler do now?

Does he, A, make an heroic attempt to annihilate the existing record?

Or B, just go for the points and eat very carefully and boringly

and hope that Shantha penalises Mr Cherry's tongue?

Sadly, it's option B.

That's a little against the spirit of Officially Competitive.

Sorry, but that's the advantage of going last.

Shantha must closely inspect there's not even a teeny bit of tongue.

That cannot be pleasant.

We'll save you the pain of watching

the rest of Steve's laborious attempt and get to the results.

All right, guys, we didn't break a record,

but who got the all-important Officially Competitive point?

Two of the attempts were disqualified.

So Shantha did spot Cherry's lip-licking

and that Ray was rubbish.

So the winner, with the only valid attempt

and a time of three minutes and 14 seconds

is Steve.

Yes! Come on!

Winning by default is surely the best way.

Default! Default! Default! Default!

So Steve's healthy one-doughnut training paid off.

Just be happy we didn't make you watch his whole attempt.

I'm still having nightmares!

That puts Steve joint top with Mr Cherry.

Join us next time for more genuine amazingness like this.

# Well, with his dart-throwing chops

# Lee Mack was double tops

# His aim was good and true

# Even he was surprised at the most bull's-eyes

# And he also took the most number twos

# The doughnut challenge was tricky

# Cherry lost cos he got licky

# And Ray couldn't get his down meaning Sizzler took the crown

# And Wang wowed us with his wobbly belly powers

# But here come the rubbish bits - the outtakes! #

Go.

Hang on, sorry, I forgot to press start on the stopwatch.

LAUGHTER