Bling My Droid Pixelface

This is The Console. Pixelface is OK, Rex and I get this point, we

win the game. Oh, come on Kiki, start pulling your weight. Me, you

keep waving your arms and screaming every time the shuttlecock comes

near you. I am trying to unnerve them!

Yes, we win! Out! It's out. It's out, our serve.

We agreed the line was from the apple core to the broken cup.

agreed to the strange picture of a woman on a plate.

You lost! Look, a squirrel playing a banjo. Out! Anyone with half a

brain could see that's out. It's brain could see that's out. It's

our serve! That's not fair. You just moved it.

Are you accusing me of cheating? I am offended and hurt that you think

I would stoop so low. Oh, please, eth Aethelwynne, there is nothing

that you would not cheat at! No way. That is a word.

Kyoazogavoxs. It's a kind of wheelbarrow, for cheese. Any way

with a triple word score that brings me to 14,000.

I'm winning! We were awesome. What a double act!

We could take on the world. Phew! What a brilliant game. We finished

the level and wiped out a battalion. I wonder what happens to those

alien robots after you have blown them to smithereens. They get

recycled. Most end up as coat hangers, pens, drink cans.

Must have earnt a tonne of credits. I am off to get some up-grades.

could do with some new kit. What are you talking about? I bought you

that new kit? What, the used toilet rolls. I want some furry dice.

can compile a shopping list and you can pick up the stuff. Switching to

grumpy mode. Who wants to play badminton? I don't know. We have

played for hours. You have broken one of your high

heels. These are not high heels. These are

man boots, with a supportive block. How many times?

Maybe we are all a bit unfit. When the boy went on holiday we went out

of shape because we weren't played every day. Barely knew what a

zombie looks like. Why don't I start an aerobics class and we can

all get fit together. That sounds.... Amazing. A terrible idea.

I must learn to get in there quicker. Right, that is the list

finished. Take that to the QM. Don't get anything that's not on it.

Do this, do that. Stop your whining. Rex, what are you doing? There was

a squirrel playing a banjo over there a minute ago. I am just

waiting to see if he comes back. right. Can I join in? Are you there,

QM? I need some new high... Man boots, with a supportive block.

What's this? Hello, all, emergency day off. Had an accident with am

thermal powered pants. I have left the QM to deal with any problems

you might have. PS, please zero to start.

Hello. Welcome to the Automaster 2,000. Do you require upgrades?

Press one for yes, two for no. Yes. You have pressed two. No. I

pressed one. Go back. You You have pressed five. Console,

self-destruct. Selection cancelled. Please reselect. All right. I'll

start again. You have pressed nine. Change accent to French. I didn't

mean to press that. Press six. Cause doors to open and close

randomly. I just want some boots. You have pressed seven. Creating

indoor hurricane. I shall get them myselfs. You have pulled my power

out. That was clever, wasn't it? Boot, boots, boots.

What do we have here? Top secret. I am sure it doesn't mean that. Oh!

Cheat codes for all the games. Me oh, me oh my!

Why have you described -- disguised yourself as an irritating elf?

is not here. What is that behind your back? If you are after

upgrades I am sure QM will be keen for you to take whatever you want.

Must dash. Is this going to take long? It is eating around into my

sitting around and looking glamorous time. You will go easy.

We are not as good a dancer as you. I have created an easy routine.

First I'll demonstrate it, then we'll do it all together. Step to

the right and clap. Good. Then the other side. Left and clap. OK? And

but we will move on to more complicated stuff later. Right,

let's go! CONSOLE: THIS IS THE CONSOLE. THE SWORDS OF THE ANCIENTS

NOW LOADING. WOULD AETHELWYNNE CONSOLE: Swords of the Ancients now

loading. Would Aethelwynne please enter the game?

Let's see if these cheat codes work. CONSOLE: SWORDS OF THE ANCIENTS

LOADING. WOULD AETHELWYNNE PLEASE In for a penny, in for a pound.

Let's try them all. Please follow your instructions and enter the

game immediately. All right, all Looking good. Feeling good.

Yeah, come on. Let's roll with it. Who's the daddy? Did anyone else

It worked. I have superpowers. goes there? Nothing can defeat me.

Oi, twinle toes, who goes there. Halfwit. What did you call me? A

dumb wit. A nincompoop. You're going to get such a

I'm the meanest dressed robot in town. My man, what's up? What have

you done to yourself? My dream come true.

How did you afford all this stuff? Chill. Wrong foot, made a few deals.

Know what I mean? You did not spend your entire upgrade budget on this

nonsense did you? I have the stuff. Look in the box. Did you get the

ultrasonic lasers I asked for? ran out. What about the therm mo-

seeker. Tell me you got that! A roll of sticky tape. This is it?

This cost 800 credits. I know. It's surprising.

Why, you little.... CONSOLE: This is The Console. Would you please

enter the game. We will have some words if we get out of this next

game. Good afternoon, gents. Going to your game. I don't envy you. It

must be difficult to get anywhere when you play by the rules.

What's the matter, Rex? It turns out Kiki's aerobic class is a tiny

bit, well... Terrifying. I don't think I've ever moved that fast.

That includes the time I accidentally sat on the lobster.

Rex, tomorrow's class starts at 5am. See you then.

What's so funny? The joke's on her. Romford, Romford. I need help. I

need back-up. Something is slowing me down. I can

not put my finger on what it is. You are weighed down with all that

bling. Where are you exactly? I Who are you? My name is Zork. I am

here to deliver a terrible warning to you Aethelwynne. Why do I

recognise you I am one of the first computer game heroes. I came from

years ago when games took ages to load and came in three colours.

From ancient times. I thought that was a myth. I was once like you,

proud, ambitious. A bit of a twit. I too choose to cheat at my game.

I'm here to warn you the consequences are dire.

Why are you walking like a crab? can only move side ways. My game

was not very sophisticated, all right? Carry on. I became obsessed

with winning. I kept using cheat codes. As a result I became lost in

the counting. Doom to wandering as an unsafe character. Never

completing my final level. You don't have to be like me. I can

save you from yourself. Are you finished? I would like to go back

to sleep. What...: Listen. You seem to have confused me with some sort

of wishy-washy balloon and kitten type. Sob stories don't work on

this elf. Thank you. No, no, no. Clear off. And do not come back.

Thank you! Very well. But you'll be sorry.

Could you give me a hand please? Yes. OK, yup. OK now we just...

What an earth is wrong. We did one of aerobics classes. I am hurting

in places I did not know I had places. This is the consols. Sorts

of the Asians now loading. Maybe if you were better at your game you

would get played more often. Seeing as you're trying to be healthier, I

thought I would hide all of the stacks. It is time we had a word

with little miss a motivator. we can leave it for now and tell

her later. We have decided dot dot dot stop chatting and start working.

Super powers - that wouldn't be a cheat would it? No. Just a tiny,

tiny one - why? There you go, it does not work, not if you are

cheating. It is those codes, they must all this stuff up. You cannot

go any further? You are stuck on this level for ever. It serves you

right for cheating. Speak to me. am not talking to you with all of

that on. It is the worst training session ever. It is a liability

dress like that. Those because of yours pick of local radio stations.

You are just jealous. We needed those upgrades for the next level.

This sticky tape is not going to be a substitute. You have to earn

those credits back. How? You have to complete all of the training

levels again. It will take me hours and those training levels are so

boring. If you don't earn enough credits to buy some of grades come

I won't protect you in the game any more. You'll fight your own battles.

Suits me, I can look after my self. This is the console will Sergeant

Riley entered the game. We will see how to if you are. Rex how's it

going? Not good. Kiki's trying to get us all to eat healthily. She's

put me on a fruit only diet. I've never been so miserable. But Rex

you love fruit. Do I? Yes. In fact it's the only thing you ever eat.

Oh yeah. Brilliant. I forgot. Mm. So what's up? Well I, I wonder if

you could me a little favourette - oh, here's a gift for you. What's

this? Infinite energy. Unlimited apples - these are cheat codes for

my game. Let's go and have some fun. No, I

would be cheating. Your mother has told you some weird stories. Come

on, it will be a bit of funds. thank you. Come on, you will be

doing me a favour. How? I cannot say, but doing a friend a favour,

doesn't that make up for being a cheating Charlie? No, it would have

to be for a really good reason. is because a little yellow man

visited me in the middle of the night and offered to to help me and

for reasons I shall not go into, I ignored him and now I am stuck on

my level and I am worried that my game is broken and down never be

played again. And getting you to cheat at your game is the only way

to get the man back and save me. Why didn't you say so in the first

place? But I am only going to do a little cheat. Invulnerability?

No. Unlimited saves? No, I will do that one, green issues. I am not

sure it is a cheat, but it will have to do. This is the console,

sentient for session complete. Sergeant Riley and Romford released.

What have you got to say for yourself now? You might have a

point, I will do the training levels.

Get set. That is it. That is it, Romford.

Who OK, I am out. That is it, dish deep. I am proud

of you. I am shattered. Come on, let's go and get some rest. Come on

you lot. Hello, what is going on here? I want to see 15. Press-ups!

Now drop. That includes you Sergeant Riley. And now drop and

Who are you? My name is Zork and I am here to... Zork. How nice of you

to pop by. Tea? Biccy? Be gone elf. Ouph. You had your chance but you

chose to insult me. I'm here to warn the kangaroo rat thing -

perhaps he can be saved instead. Yes. I don't want to be a cheating

Charlie, I can't bear the guilt. I want normal coloured shoes again. I

didn't insult you, I mean, it was just friendly banter. Now, how

about a neck rub? Enough. Aagh. bargaining can save you now. You're

doomed to remain unsaved and unplayed. Huh. Eventually you too

will become like me. Aah, no. You must fix me, I don't wanna be like

you. I look awful in yellow. Please Zork, but he's not a bad person, I

mean he does act like a bit of a twit... Why does everyone keep

saying that? But he's got a good heart underneath and I'm sure he'll

never cheat again. Yes cross my heart. Well I suppose if he were to

renounce all his cheating ways. oh. You can have my two headed coin,

you can have my pack of cards with five aces, my blindfold with loads

of holes in it for cheating at hide and seek and, oh, oh, and the dice

which is all sixes so I can beat Rex at Snakes and Ladders. Oh yeah

and don't forget about that stash of board game cash you've got

hidden in your pants. Yes. Mm. Yes. Thank you Rex. Mm. You are lucky to

have such honest and loyal friends. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Very well. Here.

Ooh. These codes will reverse all the cheats in your games but if I

ever hear of you cheating again... Ah, you won't. I swear. Then I

guess my work here is done. Hah. Farewell. Rex, thank you for

helping me. Oh don't worry. I'm really proud of you, you've taken a

big step to becoming a more honest person. Um, do you think we should

be giving him a hand? Yes. Yeah. Yes. OK, I'll just get that. And if

you come... OK maybe just here. Just come to this... That's it.

Right... Rex Dynamo... And then...... Stop, stop. There we are.

Rex Dynamo There we go. There you are. Get back here now. Well. Here

goes. If I have fingers they will Please, please! It does not work.

Hold, who goes there? Fine, let's get on with its cheating. I am not

cheating any more, I deleted the code. Watch. Back to normal,

devastatingly handsome. I won't be cheating any more, which means I

can finally complete this level. That's terrific. You great half-