Essex Project Parent

'Project Parent is the show that puts you in charge of your single parent's life.'

-Hello, Project Parent. Can I help you?

-Hi, is that Angellica?

-Yes, it is.

-I have a problem. My dad wears rubbish clothes,

he hasn't been out with anybody for three years and he has yellow toenails.

I need your help.

-Say no more, I'm on my way.

-Yes!

'This week's project manager is Tatum.'

My dad needs to change his ways and I'm ready to do it.

-'She's ready to revamp her dad's image...'

-Ow.

That is so James Bond.

Oh, no.

'..jump into the surveillance van to find him a lovely lady...'

Bleeuuuughh!

'..and get up to mischief.'

Dad, break the display pot.

Dad, come in.

CHEERING

Welcome to Project Parent, the show that gives you the power

to whip your single mum or dad's life into shape.

And with a little bit of help from me you can

totally transform their image and kick-start their social life.

Now, today's case study is from Essex, and he is in need of some serious attention.

42-year-old Stuart is in a shabby state

but luckily project manager Tatum is on the case.

My name is Tatum. I love acting.

Whatever!

And I'm mad about fashion.

My dad's an impressionist and he's very funny.

Hello, I'm Chris Tarrant.

Hello, I'm Simon Cowell.

Hi, it's Dale Winton.

My dad's worst feature is his feet.

My dad looks after me really well. He cooks.

He cleans.

And his chicken curry is the best.

But he has no fashion sense.

I regularly shop for T-shirts and shorts!

It's always sports clothing.

Sometimes he even goes out in his swimming trunks.

There's nothing wrong with sports stuff.

You can't wear sports clothing when you go out with a lady.

I don't do as much sport as I used to but I still wear the clothes.

Boring. Anything different?

I'm very protective over my dad and I've got high standards, and I'm very picky.

What?!

Not just anybody can go out with my dad.

Tatum is very bossy.

Ah-ah-ah-ahh!

On a scale from one to ten she's at least 155.

SHE GIGGLES

Bless her. Love her to bits.

If I could create the perfect woman for my dad she would have

Karen Gillan's hair,

Christine Bleakley's eyes,

Anna Friel's nose

and Cheryl Cole's smile.

My dad has no fashion sense, he doesn't get out very much

and he needs to change, and I'm the girl to do it.

Tatum is spot on. He's a prime case for Project Parent,

so I brought along top stylist Darren Kennedy.

Darren's an international fashion guru with an eye for detail

and a no-nonsense attitude.

If anyone can spruce up Stu, it's him.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-Come in.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-This is my dad.

-Hi, Stuart.

-Hi, how are you doing?

-Good.

Hey, Stuart, pleased to meet you.

Now, we came as fast as we could, so let's get stuck in, right?

Tatum, it seems we've a lot of work to do, so I want to see the clothes.

-Shall we get stuck in?

-Yeah.

We need to have a chat and find out what's going on in your social life.

-Do we have to?

-Yes. Come on.

So, Tatum, we've taken your dad's wardrobe

and brought it out here in all its meagre glory. That's it!

-I'm just shocked. Where are the rest of his clothes?

-I don't know.

It's just...that's it.

What's with the sporty stuff?

I don't know.

Everything is sporty, sporty, sporty.

-Does he ever wear anything kind of, you know, smart?

-No. Never.

When was the last time you found someone to go out with?

Oh, crikey, it's more than three years ago now.

Do you think what you wear

-helps you in the stakes of finding somebody?

-No.

# Hallelujah... #

OK, so you realise that and you're open...

I do realise that. I'm a very lazy dresser.

He has a couple of shirts here. Now, in fairness, they're not the best.

Tell me about these, Tatum.

The problem is he wears the buttons too low

so you can see his chest hair.

-Oh, are you serious?

-It's like pigs' tails.

Oh, stop!

So who would be your ideal celebrity?

-Celebrity? I guess Nicole Kidman.

-G'day, mate.

She's different.

Creative, very talented and she's a redhead as well. I like redheads.

OK. And qualities?

No high-maintenance.

Can't do high-maintenance at all.

If you named someone that you'd like him to have a bit of their style,

-who would it be?

-James Bond.

The name's Bond. James Bond.

So you're thinking very slick, very chic, very tailored.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. We're going to obviously change all this.

What's your ideal look for your dad? What are you thinking, head to toe?

We have to get rid of the sports clothing

and I want to change the colour of his hair

and I want him to wear smart shoes,

smart suits like James Bond, and, most importantly, the chest hair.

Are you ready to take control?

-Yes, I am.

-That's what I like. Give me five.

-Well, Darren, that went really well.

-It did.

And I really love Tatum and Stuart, they're lovely.

They have a lovely relationship.

In our chat, Stuart told me he wants Nicole Kidman.

Sorry, Ange, I'm busy.

The thing about Tatum is she knows exactly what she wants.

-James Bond is high up on the list and she is...bossy.

-Bossy.

-Let's get to work.

-Let's do it.

The race is on to find someone special for Stuart's big night out

and it all starts in this ultimate spying machine,

the Project Parent surveillance van.

This multi-screened dual-satellite hub of technology

is where Tatum will interrogate potential ladies

as they take the hot seat.

And, if she doesn't like what she sees, there's always the buzzer.

BUZZER SOUNDS

We've lined up three ladies to be grilled by Tatum.

Stuart loves tennis, so first up is sporty Nina.

As Stuart is an impressionist,

lady number two is a fellow performer, actor Penny.

And finally, Androulla.

This chatterbox would be great at bringing Stuart out of his shell.

If these ladies don't live up to Tatum's incredibly high standards

then we have a back-up plan.

Dad's best friend and cousin, Lynne.

Shall we bring in the first person? She's called Nina.

-OK.

-Yeah?

Bring in the first lady.

Ooh. Hello, I'm Tatum.

-Hi, Tatum, how are you?

-Great, thanks.

How funny are you on a scale of one to ten?

Six or seven. But I've also got an eye that squeaks.

EYE SQUEAKS

Bleeuuuughh!

BUZZER SOUNDS

LAUGHTER Can you dance?

Cue music.

FUNKY HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah.

Oh, she's cool, she's cool.

Thank you. MUSIC STOPS

My dad loves tennis. Could you pick up the racquet

-and see how many balls you can bounce.

-Here we go.

OK, thank you, Nina. That's enough questions.

Thank you very much. Bye.

-How was that?

-I think she's really, really nice

but there's other women to choose from.

Tatum was quite tough in some of her questions

and she was incredibly direct.

Clearly a girl who knows exactly what she's looking for.

-So it's time for number two.

-Yay.

-Yay.

Bring in Penny, please.

-Hmmm.

-Hello, Tatum.

-I think she looks really, really nice.

What is your job?

My job? I'm an actor.

Oh, that's great.

My dad is an impressionist. Can you do any impressions?

-Um...I can do my impression of a fly.

-OK.

SHE HUMS

SHE HUMS AND THEN STOPS

I don't like it. BUZZER SOUNDS

How are you with creepy-crawlies?

Um...I'm not TOO scared but if there were one

crawling up the chair right now I wouldn't be overly comfortable.

Ohhhh!

Can you dance?

Er... Ish.

Cue music.

Phew.

-Thank you, Penny, that will be all.

-You're welcome. Thank you.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-What are you thinking?

-She's really nice.

She's an actor, but she didn't do the impressions very well.

I'd really like to meet Stuart face to face

and see some of his impressions.

Bring Androulla in, please.

-Mmmm!

-Mmmm!

What's your biggest fear?

Er...spiders.

Aaarrgh!

I love that bit!

Can you tell me your best joke?

-Knock, knock.

-Who's there?

-Narnia.

-Narnia who?

Narnia business!

I like that, that's good.

How do you compare to Nicole Kidman? Put on the red wig

and say something in an Australian accent for me, please.

Put on the barbie, love.

I don't sound like that, ya flaming galah!

How was that? Not the buzzer, please!

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-Aaaargh!

Thank you, that's enough questions. Bye.

-Thank you. Bye, Tatum.

-BUZZER SOUNDS

-I think she's scared of spiders and the buzzer.

-Yes!

The questions were tougher than I thought they was going to be.

Just slightly, ever so slightly. But I got by.

Tatum, you've seen all three and now we've got to take it down to two.

So let's go through each person and tell me what you genuinely thought.

Nina was number one.

It was really good that she said that she was sporty

but I think she put too much make-up on.

-Penny was next. Did you like her?

-SHE HUMS

I think it's great that she's an actor

because my dad used to be an actor himself on stage

but I don't think the impression that she did was very good.

-SHE HUMS AND THEN STOPS

-Then it was Androulla.

I think Androulla was really funny.

Her jokes really made me laugh but she didn't seem like

she was up for anything.

Not the buzzer, please!

So we've got Nina, Penny and Androulla,

but if none of those women meet your high standards

-we've still got the option of Lynne, so we'll keep her in the mix.

-Yeah.

So who is going to go?

-Androulla.

-So it's goodbye to Androulla?

-Yes.

I do feel a bit disappointed.

I would have liked to have met Tatum's daddy,

but...don't win them all.

Gee, see you later, alligator.

So, only two ladies are left standing,

plus best friend, cousin Lynne, is still in the mix.

Who will Tatum choose to join her dad on a luxury limo trip?

And can Tatum knock some fashion sense into Stuart?

Luckily help is on hand. Cue fashion guru Darren Kennedy.

Laid-back dad Stuart has no interest in his appearance

so it's down to Tatum and I to take this casual geezer

and turn him into a James Bond.

If we can't convince him to ditch those sports clothes

he's going to look really shabby on his big night out.

I'm really excited about shopping with Darren because I love fashion.

I'm like the fashion queen. So I can't wait to get my hands on dad.

So, guys, the plan is we're going to split up and find things we like.

First, Tatum, you have to lay down the ground rules. What are they?

Well, you're not allowed to shop for slogan T-shirts.

-Gor!

-No blue.

-No blue?

-No shorts.

-No shorts?

-No trainers.

-No trainers?

-And nothing sporty.

-Nothing sporty!

-Think you can handle that?

-No.

Well, you're going to have to. OK, so you go that way.

-OK.

-We're going to go this way and we'll see you shortly.

-See you soon.

Normally Stuart avoids the shops like the plague

so this won't be easy.

Tatum, on the other hand, knows exactly where to go.

A suit shop.

Where do you want to start?

-At black.

-Black. OK. Look what's behind you.

How do you feel about some florals?

Dad doesn't look nice in flowery stuff.

-Are you willing to give it a shot?

-No.

What do you think? I think it looks really good,

-it's just the tie I don't like.

-OK.

-These two are really nice.

-Yeah, take 'em, take 'em.

-That is so James Bond.

-Do you know what, it is very James Bond.

See those lines going straight down there?

-Yes.

-They're really flattering, make you look very long, very lean.

-And the dicky bow. It's just a bit of fun, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Good job.

See, blue. We like blue.

It's a good job Tatum's having a good time

because fun couldn't be further from Stuart's mind.

I don't shop that often because it just...it just bores me really.

Ooh, no.

I would just pick sports stuff, easy stuff.

You know, easy, comfortable, out of the shop in five minutes.

-Oh, there you are.

-There you are.

He's one tricky customer.

Get him in that changing room quick before he does a runner.

I hope he turns out really smart.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Hey, hon.

-Hi!

I think you look really great because of the pattern of the tie

and also the stripes on your shirt.

Not convinced by the pink, I'll be honest with you.

-You think the pink works for his skin tone?

-I think it really does.

-Well, I don't.

-Well, I do.

-I don't.

-I do.

-I don't.

-I do.

-I don't.

-DARREN CLICKS HIS FINGERS

I think you look really, really cool and you look more...Daddy-like.

And what's nice about this, it's a single breasted jacket

and the fact that it's a slim lapel

means it makes your dad look really slim, it's slimming.

And actually the little pinstripe there is fantastic

because it just goes straight down the body.

Where's the snooker table?

You look fabulous.

Adding a waistcoat just gives

amazing structure and shape to any man.

Hey, how are you doing?

And we're just going to put this round. What do you think of that?

I think it looks really cool.

-OK, let's go to Las Vegas.

-It's a bit cooler, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-"I know what I'm doing."

-Yeah.

Overall, is it James Bond enough for you?

Yeah.

Finally Tatum has narrowed it down to three James Bond styles.

Will it be secret-agent city slicker,

007 fine dining

or undercover casual chic?

Tough job but well done, we did it.

High five.

Tatum's dad Stuart has absolutely no social life so she's on a mission

to pick someone to go on a glam night out with him.

So far she's whittled it down to Nina and Penny.

The next step is to introduce Stuart to the ladies,

and Tatum has a cunning plan.

My dad wants a creative lady

so I've invited Nina and Penny along to a pottery masterclass.

I want to see who's the most artistic, creative and most humorous

to see who is perfect for my dad.

Stuart's wearing a secret earpiece

so Tatum can control him without the ladies knowing.

He has to do anything she wants at the drop of a hat,

or should I say pot? Watch this space.

It's Penny.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-How are you?

-I'm good. How are you?

-Stuart.

-Hi, I'm Penny.

They're getting to know each other.

-What do you do back in Chelmsford?

-I'm an actor.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-Cool.

-I knew he'd like it.

'Time for a quick pottery demo.'

There are four basic principles to throwing on the wheel.

'How difficult can it be to make a pot?'

-Finishing the top, and that's all there is to it.

-Very good.

That's fantastic.

-Oh, yours looks pretty good.

-You know, that reminds me of...

That looks like a toilet. Excellent.

I want to test out how she copes with things that are surprises.

-Ah, so you've got something up your sleeve?

-Yes. Dad, it's Tatum.

Could you break one of the display pots.

Give us that pot.

-OK.

-Mine's all going a bit wobbly now, so...

-Ooh!

-Whoops!

Whoops. Oh.

We'll just pretend no-one saw that.

-Dad, mess up her pot.

-Now, why do you want him to do that?

Well, because then it will see if she's a calm person

if something goes wrong.

-Will that get a hole in there?

-Yes.

-Oh.

-Oh.

It won't come off.

There.

A wonderful creation.

Penny and Stuart.

Great job, Dad, great job.

-Bye.

-All right.

I think they do get on quite well, because I think my dad was

quite impressed that she was an actress, but I don't think

-he found her on the funny side.

-No.

He seems like a really cool dad

and he and Tatum have a really cool relationship, I think.

I think they probably play a lot of practical jokes.

-OK, shall we get the next person in?

-Yes.

-Shall we get Nina?

-Yep.

-Hello.

-Hello, how are you doing? Stuart.

-Nice to meet you.

-What's your name?

-Nina.

-Hi, Nina.

Dad's very welcoming.

-I love to dance.

-I do, strangely enough, although I'm not fit enough.

-OK.

-But I do love dancing.

I've never seen him dance before, except going like that.

-So, two thumbs on the top.

-Yes.

Rest your arms on the side. This is where strength in the arms comes in.

Hmm. Nice nails.

I want yours exactly like that.

Oh, thanks for that!

They've got some on the camera!

I don't think it helps when you've got long nails, digging in the clay.

You could use those as tools.

-I've got more mud in my nails than I have here.

-Oh, look at this.

Dad, break the display pot.

I can't see it coming out.

I'm sure it will wash off.

Now look, grab that.

Oh...dear.

-You're going to get told off now. You're going to get told off.

-Oh.

Dad, sabotage Nina's pot.

I'll put mind in there as well.

-Oh, sorry.

-Oh! I can't believe you did that. That was purpose.

No, I didn't, I promise you.

-You did that on purpose.

-I was trying to get the water out for you.

She's taking it really in a funny way.

Look, perfect.

That's like a flan dish.

Well done.

-You take care.

-And you.

-All right.

-See you later.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye-bye.

What did you think about Nina?

I think she got on really well with my dad.

She didn't take any of the things we were telling him to do seriously.

So she definitely has a funny side.

I think Stuart is a really nice guy.

He seems very down to earth, he's very chatty, and

it was good to have a chat to him over doing something really fun.

So, Tatum, now they've mixed, it's time to match.

-OK, shall we start with Penny?

-Yeah.

I think Penny is a very nice lady and she's got a great personality

and my dad was very interested when she described her job,

but she took my dad's jokes too seriously.

Like when he broke the pot she didn't really take it in a funny way.

-A sense of humour's important, isn't it, for you?

-Yes.

Neeee-na.

I think Nina was really funny and she made my dad laugh.

But she just seemed like she worried about her appearance

because she came in high heels

and she was a bit worried about her nails as well.

He's not keen on high-maintenance women.

-And you know he's still got Lynne, your cousin...

-Yep.

..in the mix, as a possibility

-who could have fun with your dad as well.

-Yeah.

Who is it going to be?

That one.

Project manager Tatum is still in total control over her dad's life

but do we think she can pull off transforming Stuart's life?

Well, I think turning sporty Stu into a more suave James Bond type

isn't going to be easy, but Tatum is certainly...

well, how can I say it, focused and determined.

-Brilliant. I love a girl who knows her own mind.

-Mm-hm.

Operation Makeover Stuart is about to commence

and Tatum has organised it with military precision.

I want dad's hair cut,

his chest hair completely gone and a pedicure on his toes.

Whatever you want, ma'am. Permission to cover the mirror?

Yes. Let's go. TATUM BLOWS WHISTLE

Right, chest wax.

Tatum, is this going to hurt?

No, Dad.

-Ow.

-I'm so sorry.

Pedicure.

-Do my feet look better?

-Mmm.

I have a very tight schedule but so far everything is going to plan.

Excellent.

It feels really good to be pampered and Tatum's in control

and seems to be doing a good job.

Give me five.

Once he's preened and polished we're sending Stuart on a VIP limo trip.

But who will Tatum be asking to join him? Sporty Nina,

actor Penny,

or is it his best friend, cousin Lynne?

Time to break the news.

-Tatum, what's left on your list?

-Well, it's a new outfit.

-Yeah.

Shoes on.

Aftershave. But we need to call the chosen lady.

RINGING TONE

Hi, it's Tatum. I've chosen you to go out with my dad.

Bye.

With the clock ticking, Tatum's guest list of friends and family

have arrived at a grand location, ready for the moment of truth.

It'll be exciting to see him out of sports clothes

and in something better.

-So what's next on the list?

-The big reveal.

The big reveal. Oh, great. OK, well, listen, enough clipboard.

You have to look well too. Give me that. Good stuff.

Right, shall we get him in?

-OK.

-Go for it. Call your dad.

Dad, come in!

CHEERING

-James Bond was the vision.

-Yes.

-What do you think of the outcome?

-I love it.

-He looks amazing. How do you feel?

I feel great, yeah. I feel a million dollars, so it's really cool.

-Have you ever seen him look like this?

-No.

-Does he seem taller to you?

-Yes.

And when he was wearing his sports clothing he was slouching as well.

-Shall we show him himself?

-Yes.

-Yes? Do you want to see yourself?

-Yes.

-OK, are we ready, shall we count in? Three...

-Two, one.

Oh, boy.

No, that's cool.

Well done, hon. Wow, that's a difference.

-Do you feel any different?

-Yeah, I feel great, really good.

In less baggy stuff I look thinner, you're right about that definitely.

How do you feel, Tatum?

I feel great because I've chosen this lovely suit

and you just look so much smarter and you look really, really good.

I'm extremely proud of my daughter. Love her to bits.

He looks fantastic. It's the best I've seen him look.

It's definitely the best suit he's ever worn. I think he looks pukka.

The best thing Stuart can do is go home,

chuck out all his old sportswear, never to be seen again.

'It definitely was up to my standards.'

He just looks absolutely amazing.

Until Tatum took control of her dad Stuart,

he threw on the same sporty casual look every day.

Now, thanks to Tatum, he's Bond. Stuart Bond.

It feels special today because Tatum has done what she wanted to do.

Wasn't sure about the chest but, hey, it will grow back.

'The rain has started to pour but it won't dampen our spirits.

'This will be the first time

'Stuart's been out with a lady in three years.'

-Do you think you've made the right choice?

-Yes.

-You think he'll like her?

-Yes.

'But who has Tatum chosen?'

Hiya.

Hiya. You all right?

-How are you? All right?

-Oh, yes.

-Good to see you.

-You look lovely.

-There you go.

-Thank you so much.

That's lovely, that's beautiful.

Have a great time.

-OK. You too.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Bye.

I'm very pleased I've picked Nina

because all along I knew she was the right person.

Nina had a great personality and I think Tatum's chosen very well.

I think Stuart is very down to earth, he's very chilled

and he's really good company to be around.

I think my dad has definitely got confidence today.

-To Tatum.

-To Tatum.

-Thank you very much, Tatum.

My daughter means the world to me, there's no scale I can use really.

Makes me smile every single day from morning to night.

My dad means everything to me.

He's caring, he's funny and he's so loyal to me

and I think Project Parent has really brought us together.

Well, that's another Project Parent in the bag. Well done, Darren.

James Bond certainly got a run for his money with Stuart.

Yes, I think he looked great.

Well done, you. Tatum was brilliant, but I won't miss that whistle.

-Excuse me, madam, there's a message for you.

-Oh.

"Dear Project Parent, it's an emergency. Help me.

"My dad's favourite outfit is a Day-Glo orange shell suit."

-We'd better get going.

-Another parent...

Another project.