Spain Remotely Funny

IN SPANISH:

Oh, hi! Welcome to Remotely Funny!

Hey, everyone. I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

It's just an excuse for me to pick up some new interior design ideas,

to be honest. Which is even more exciting than normal

because there is a celebrity in the house!

Today, I'm in Spain.

If I'm here, where exactly are

my daring Remotely Funny contestants today?

Let's meet them.

First up, it's Deanna. Hola, Deanna.

-Hola.

-Deanna's 11, from Bradford,

she hates spicy food,

but loves ballroom dancing

and performing magic.

Deanna has a rabbit called Wiggles,

but he's far too wiggly to get pulled out of a hat.

Who's with you today?

-My mum, my sister and my dad.

-OK, interesting.

Deanna, I hear you like doing magic. Can you show me a trick?

I've got a bag here with two coins in. Just pick a coin.

-I'll pick the biggest one.

-The £2.

-Yes.

OK, watch the £2 really closely.

SHE GASPS The coin came out of the bag!

That's incredible. You are like a teeny tiny Dynamo. I like that.

It is time to meet... Mia! Hello, Mia.

-Are you there? ALL:

-Hi!

-ALL:

-Hello.

Ten-year-old Mia is from Berkshire,

she plays the guitar and piano

and, if she was Prime Minister

for the day, she would make everyone do a silly dance.

Oh, and Mia HATES Brussels sprouts.

She thinks they stink!

Mia, who are you with?

My brother, my mum, and my dad.

Very nice to meet you all.

Mia, you've been to Spain - what's worth seeing in Spain?

You should definitely go to the dolphin park.

I love dolphins.

I can tell. Finally, connecting to...

it's Officially Amazing's Ben Shires.

Everyone, say hello to Ben Shires.

-ALL:

-Hello.

Ben is 30 and from Yorkshire,

he presents CBBC's Officially Amazing

and Match Of The Day Kickabout.

Ben loves Leeds United,

and catching monsters on his phone

almost as much as he loves his quiff,

which he's extremely proud of.

Oh, my God,

we are in Ben Shires' actual house!

CROWD ROARS

Hello, Ben Shires. Who are you with?

I'm in my place in London and this is my dad.

Ben's dad, tell us something about how well-behaved Ben was

when he was a little boy.

And if there's something embarrassing, I want to hear it.

He went through a blonde phase, peroxide blonde,

so he used to walk around with blonde hair like Eminem.

# I'm not afraid... #

Rebel, aren't I? Just always been a rebel, as you can probably tell.

It's time to ditch your families -

banish your parents and your siblings to their room!

Say adios, everyone!

-ALL:

-Adios!

Away, parents. Be gone.

OK, players, let me tell you

about the above-average prize up for grabs.

It's a Remotely Funny hoodie.

Look at it. It's Officially Amazing.

This beautiful hoodie comes with a sunroof setting,

by which I mean you can take the hood off.

Order yours today...

by winning this show.

OK, Mia, do you have any special skills

that are going to make you better than Ben?

I've got a brain.

Whoa! Is that implying that Ben doesn't have a brain?

-Yeah.

-BEN LAUGHS

Everybody do your game faces. Arr!

Yarrr!

Hnng-ynnng!

HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH

Well, now that we've seen your ugly sides, let's play.

This is Bedroom Bonanza,

like an ordinary bonanza but in your bedrooms.

And the rules are quite simple.

I name something and you have to find it for me.

First one back with the item wins three of my prized samojis.

If you are not sure what to look for, be creative.

That will impress me and you might get an extra samoji for that.

-You guys ready for item number one?

-Yep.

-Yes!

Let's go.

Go get me something...

smelly. Go! Go get me something smelly.

It can be anything, from your kitchen's mouldy bread

to your old sock...

-Got it!

-I'm here.

-Oh!

Ben, what is that?

These are a pair of brownish socks.

OK, are they used, though?

Cos they look kind of fresh to me.

Oh, no, no, they're used all right.

I just ball them to give the impression that they've been washed.

-That's the way you get away with it.

-I like that. What about you, Deanna?

-What do you have there?

-Perfume.

You are going to have to spray the air for me to test if it's smelly.

SHE SNIFFS

Ugh! Definitely smelly. I like that. Good job, Deanna.

Mia, what do you have there?

It's an air freshener.

Oh, well, OK. That makes it smelly.

Well, guys, it seems like Ben was back first, though,

so, Ben, you get three samojis.

Item number two.

I want something...

that you would wear in the rain.

What would you wear in the rain?

Come on, you can be creative with this one.

Deanna, go get me something you would wear in the rain.

-I'm here.

-Everyone's gone... OK, and Deanna is back first.

Where is Mia and Ben?

Ben, do I see you approaching me from the corner?

And Ben is back second.

Deanna, Deanna, what do you have there? What is that?

I have a waterproof jacket.

Oh, wow, well, that is just perfect for this. What about you, Ben?

What is that?

I also have a jacket, but it's less waterproof cos it's made of tweed.

Classy. Is that how you wear your jackets in Yorkshire?

-No.

-Yeah, this keeps your front dry.

-Mia, what is that?

-A purple raincoat!

Oh! Deanna, you came back first, so you get three samojis.

Yay!

And, Ben, I'm going to give you one extra samoji for style.

Thanks, that's all I'm good for.

Item number three.

Get me something squishy.

Has anyone got a mouldy, old piece of pizza from behind the bed?

You could use that.

-What could it possibly be? It could be anything...

-I'm here!

OK, I think Ben was back first. Ben, what is that?

This is Baldwin Graziano, he's an Italian ape.

Tell me the story of the Italian ape.

Well, he belongs to my girlfriend

and I've tried to get rid of him so many times,

but he just keeps coming back.

Don't you, Baldwin, don't you!

What about you, Deanna? What did you bring?

I've got a toy panda.

Interesting. I like pandas. What about you, Mia? What did you bring?

I've got a squidgy elephant sponge.

Pretty good, you know, Mia. I'm going to have to give you

one extra samoji for that.

Yay!

And three samojis for Ben for being back first.

Congratulations, Ben.

Yay!

-Yeah!

-Samoji time, people.

Mia has one.

Deanna has three.

And Ben has seven samojis!

Whoo!

Anything can happen on this show, and often does.

We're moving to the kitchen, so don't forget to wash your hands.

It's the first rule of kitchen hygiene.

Ben Shires, give us a tour of your house as you go.

There's my dad in the background.

-Hello, Dad. I've never met you before.

-Hi!

Get out.

We've only just moved in, so it's really fresh and clean.

It does look fresh and clean. Do you want to put me down?

Back in Finland, where I'm from,

we, of course, have many culinary delights.

So, for this game, I'm going to show you a food flash picture

of one of my favourite Finnish dishes

and you have 45 seconds to recreate it.

Samojis for the player who makes their dish

look as close to the picture as possible.

My favourite thing about Finland is, of course, the Finnish gravy.

It's called...

I insist I have it on everything!

Show me you got the bottle and bring it close to the camera.

Hold up the gravy and repeat after me -

"I love ruskeakastike!"

-ALL:

-I love... Blah, blah, blah.

Yes! Something like that.

Today's dish is called... SHE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

And here it is.

Today's dish consists of meringue nests and Flumps

in a tubular arrangement, laid onto a bed of the finest garden peas.

The antennae are made of breadsticks.

The mouth is a cheesy puff and I think eyes are raisins.

Anyway, as if that weren't enough,

it's covered in delicious Finnish gravy.

I know! And people pay good money for expensive wedding cakes.

Start cooking! Start cooking!

Get me meringue, I need the...!

Deanna, come on.

Pour those peas on to that plate.

Come on, Johnny!

Finnish gravy, I need the Finnish gravy.

Mum, get me...

Dad, I need a tin opener!

Where is it?!

Three, two, one. Stop cooking!

Stop.

Let me see what you've made.

Bring them close to the camera.

OK, Mia, I see you remembered

the Finnish gravy,

and I love that about your dish.

Deanna, tell me something about your dish.

It's very marshmallow.

It has lots of marshmallow fluff on.

It looks great. What about you, Ben?

This is an insult! Where is the gravy?!

I need the gravy on it!

Gravy was going to be next. I couldn't find a tin opener,

-so the peas were also a problem.

-OK, well, I don't care about the peas.

The gravy is the problem. Put it on right now.

Mmm.

I'm scarred. But you do think it's delicious, right?

-Yeah...

-Mia, your dish looks exceptionally delicious

and it also looks closest to the picture.

-So you get three samojis.

-Yes!

Ding, ding, ding, ding. Ding.

Ben, you get one extra samoji for eating it the traditional way,

-which I appreciated.

-Yay!

-Great.

OK. I think I've got enough of that.

Let's put these delicious offerings to the taste test.

Bonus samojis for parents that chow down

and give us some serious..."Mmm."

-Come on, Ben's dad.

-Get one with some gravy... That's got nothing on!

-Get some gravy.

-Oh!

-Oh, yeah.

OK, Ben's dad seems to really enjoy it.

Deanna's mum. Oh, yeah, give me some "Mmm."

-Oh, it's delicious.

-The meringue works best with the peas,

just saying.

Everyone gets a bonus samoji!

CHEERING Big hand for the parents.

Hey, Ben, come closer to me, will you?

-Yeah.

-Do you want chance to bag an extra samoji?

Do I?! By which I mean yes.

I'll dish you one up if you can tell me

what your dad's all-time favourite dinner is.

And no cheating, Dad.

Well, I have particularly fond memories of a veggie Bolognese

that my girlfriend once made for the whole family,

and I think you devoured every last mouthful of that, didn't you?

-Absolutely.

-Veggie Bolognese, are you sure about that?

Mm-hm.

Because the right answer is liver and kidney.

So you don't get an extra samoji, Ben. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry.

Samoji alert!

-Deanna has four...

-Yay!

-..Mia has five...

-Yay!

-..and Ben's in the lead with nine samojis.

-Yay!

-Woohoo!

It's time to move on, hurry up!

Because I'm bursting for the el bano, as they say here in Spain.

Deanna, tell me where you're going.

I'm going to the bathroom.

What about you, Ben?

Yes, I'm here in my chamber of solitude. It's lovely and tiled.

It's almost like these bathrooms weren't designed as TV studios.

Third game, let's get flush with samojis.

Ben Shires on the loo on my show.

I seriously never thought this would happen.

Right. Go get a pen.

You know why? Because this is a guesstimating round.

The closest to the actual answer gets the samojis.

And I want you to write your answers on the loo roll.

Here comes the question, Buckingham Palace has 775 rooms,

but how many of them are bathrooms?

Write your answers.

It has a cinema, a swimming pool and even a post office,

but how many of those rooms are bathrooms?

OK, everyone, come to the screen and hold them up.

Mia, what does yours say?

-12.

-OK, interesting. What about you, Ben?

774.

Interesting. What about you, Deanna?

184.

The correct answer is 78.

Which means, Mia, you are the closest. Three samojis for you!

Yay! Woohoo!

Ben, do you really think the Queen needs that many bathrooms?

They're always talking about "the Royal wee",

-so I thought she needs a room with every one in.

-Good answer.

While you are on the lav, let's have a LooTube moment.

Check this video out.

How do they do that?! Oh, that is so weird.

I'm going to ask you a question

and the first to flush the loo gets to answer.

For an extra samoji...

tell me how many pictures were hanging on the wall

behind the super-cute balancing dogs.

Any clue? TOILET FLUSHES

Ooh, Deanna, OK. What do you think it is?

200?

That's kind of a lot. That is the wrong answer!

TOILETS FLUSH

Mia, how many?

75?

Not quite. Ben, what do you think it is?

Three?

Oh, that was close, the answer was two pictures.

So no-one gets an extra samoji for that.

Mia, psst.

Come a little closer to me.

Listen, I can get you a little something extra,

but only if you can answer this question right.

Earlier, I asked your mum who in your house spends the most time

looking in the mirror. For one samoji, who did she say it was?

Me.

Yes! It was you. Indeed.

That is one extra samoji for you.

Yay!

Toilet Takedown over.

-Deanna has four.

-Yay!

-And Ben and Mia are tied with nine samojis!

-Yay!

-Yay!

It's hotting up!

To the living room! Let's play Remotely Funny Families.

Take me to the living room, everyone! Pick it up.

I don't have all day!

Don't get too comfy, there's two more games left.

Deanna, Mia, and Ben Shires,

I can see your team-mates have joined you in the living room.

But before we start, Deanna, I want a word.

Come closer, will you?

Look me in the eye.

I know your dad likes to dance,

but for one sneaky extra bonus samoji,

what is your dad's all-time favourite dance move?

I don't know what it's called.

Can you show how he does it?

-Yeah.

-Come on.

-It's one extra samoji.

-Like this.

Yes! You got it.

The old-fashioned ankle grab.

You get an extra samoji for that, Deanna. Good job.

Dad, we just need to see you verify that. Can we see some?

Come on!

Whoa! OK.

I've given you all a pedometer, which will count up your steps,

but there'll also be samojis on offer

for the most flamboyant dancing.

It's all about showing off.

Parents, take a look at these crazy moves

and get ready for a spot of flamenco.

MUSIC: Bamboleo By Gypsy Kings

That dog's got some serious moves.

OK, everyone, check your pedometers

are turned on and set to zero.

Hold them up, so I can see them. So I can see the zeros.

Put the pedometers on your parents.

Cos it's time to roll.

We're on, it's almost covered by the overhang.

SAARA LAUGHS Is everyone ready?

-Yes.

-Dance!

MUSIC: Bamboleo by Gypsy Kings

Yes. Oh, Deanna's dad, I am impressed.

They really want that hoodie.

OK, good job, Mia's dad.

Shake those hips. Yeah, move those hands.

Ben's dad, I like it, I like it.

You've clearly watched flamenco before.

Remember - the more you move,

the more of a chance you have of looking really silly.

-That's it. Lead with the...

-BEN SPEAKS INAUDIBLY

Yes, Mia's dad! Oh, my goodness.

Look at him, he is going in.

Stop! AIR HORN BLARES

Everyone stop dancing, I think I've seen enough for today.

Stop, Ben's dad. Stop.

Stop. Mia, what did you think about your dad's dancing?

Very...

creative.

Very creative indeed. What about you, Deanna?

It was funny.

Yeah, definitely funny. What about you, Ben?

It was scary. It was a vision of my own future and I didn't like it.

SAARA LAUGHS

-Deanna's dad, you get one style samoji.

-Woohoo!

Ben's dad, you get one samoji for cringe.

-BEN LAUGHS

-Gross!

Hold up your pedometers, let's see what they say.

Deanna's dad pedometer is saying 242.

Mia's says 135

and Ben's says zero.

Did your dad not move at all, Ben?

He was moving so fast it couldn't pick it up.

Yeah, I understand.

Deanna, you get another three samojis for most steps.

OK, peeps, let's loop.

OK, time to look at the scores.

Deanna and Mia both have nine. THEY CHEER

And Ben is still steaming ahead with ten samojis.

Time to say bye-bye to your parents because we're about to get serious.

No help allowed!

Players, this is your last chance to add some valuable points

to your score problem. Family, out! Family, leave.

-Exit, go to your rooms.

-Bye!

Everyone, move in closer.

This game is called Say What You See-mojis.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins the samojis.

So go and get a buzzer. Something that will make a massive noise.

The louder, the better.

I hope everyone has their buzzers ready. Cos I've got mine.

FROG CROAKS

What do you have there, Deanna? What is that?

CLAPPING

Ben? DINGING

That's beautiful. Mia?

HONKING

Very interesting, very creative, I like that.

First one, Say What You See-moji.

Clues - delicious straight out of the oven.

HONKING Oh, OK, Mia. What is it?

Banana bread.

Yes! Three samojis for you.

Next on, it's a popular CBBC TV drama starring Mia McKenna-Bruce.

CLAPPING Oh, Deanna, what is it?

The Dumping Ground.

Yes! Three samojis for that. Great work.

And finally, which city's nickname is this?

DINGING Oh! Ben, what is it?

Is it the Big Apple, New York?

Yes! You get three samojis for that too.

Congratulations. Well done, everyone.

So it is time to reveal today's winner.

# Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! #

Today's Remotely Funny winner is...

..Ben Shires!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

SHE HUMS

This is the Spanish way of celebrating.

The Finnish way of celebrating is... SHE SCREAMS

Ben, I'll be sending you a limited edition Remotely Funny hoodie.

Deanna and Mia, you don't go home empty-handed.

We'll be sending you some beautiful

Remotely Funny souvenirs.

And, Ben, cos you love my Finnish gravy so much,

we're giving you a year's supply.

You ready for this?

SHE GIGGLES

I can't wait. Get in my belly!

Get your families back in the room!

-Come on in, Johnny.

-Family!

Big, big thanks to today's special guest,

Officially Amazing's Ben Shires.

And, of course, all your families

for letting me be a total creep in your homes.

I'll guess I'll Andalu-SEE-YA later!

You've been immense,

it's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music.

THEME TUNE PLAYS

It was lovely meeting you all.

Bye-bye.