Japan Remotely Funny

SHE SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE

Welcome to Remotely Funny!

Hi, everyone. I'm Saara and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home

and then offering you prizes.

You can play if in your pyjamas, you can play if you're grounded,

you can even play if you're in quarantine

with a highly contagious tropical disease.

Today I'm in Japan!

"Konnichiwa" - as they say here in Japan.

If I'm here in Japan,

where are my courageous Remotely Funny contestants today?

Let's meet them.

First up, it's Laura.

Hello, Laura. Nice to meet you.

-ALL:

-Hello.

Laura's eight years old and lives in Glasgow.

Laura has two guinea pigs named Noble and Harry.

She dislikes pickles, but is a big fan of skiing

and considers herself an expert cartwheeler.

Who's with you today?

This is my dad, that's my brother and that's my mum.

Oh. Hello, Mum.

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-I heard your family is really into skiing. Is that true?

-Yeah.

OK. Tell me who's the best skier and why.

Me because I got into the race team at the ski club

and my brother got into the lower section.

-Hey, Laura!

-Ooh!

That's pretty cool. Good job, Laura.

So, Laura's dad, apparently you're really talented at burping.

Come on, give me something.

LAUGHTER

-That's going to put me on the spot a wee bit.

-Oh.

-Can I come back to you on that?

-OK.

You can come back to me with that.

Well, it is time to meet Matthew!

Lauren and family, meet Matthew and family.

Big hellos, everyone.

-ALL:

-Hello!

-Hi!

Matthew's eight and he lives in Middlesex.

He loves Liverpool FC and rollercoasters,

but he can't stand rice pudding!

Oh, and Matthew was also once chased by a herd of cows

and two chickens! Wow!

Who are you with today?

-My mum Siobhan.

-Hello!

-My brother Ethan and my dad Aidan.

Pleasure to meet you.

Matthew, I hear you fancy yourself as a YouTuber.

Yeah, I do a lot of videos.

So do you think you're as good as me?

I think I'm better than you.

Oh!

The shade, I like it. You feel the contest in the air already.

So, finally, connecting to Farah!

Hello, Farah!

-Hi.

-Everyone say hello to Farah.

-ALL:

-Hello!

Eight-year-old Farah, or Fayze to friends, lives in Surrey.

She can play the guitar and has a really loud snore.

Farah is not a fan of the colour pink

and puts tomato sauce on absolutely everything she eats.

-Who are you with?

-My mum and my sister.

-OK. Lovely to meet you people. I am thrilled.

-Hi.

What qualities does your mum have

that will make her a good team-mate today?

She's very organised, so when I'm stuck and stuff,

she'll just be like, "Do that," and stuff.

I can appreciate that.

I am the least organised person in the whole world,

so I can really appreciate someone who's organised.

I heard you play guitar.

I want you to show me some of your guitar skills. Come on.

Come on, girl. Show me something.

Good job.

Ooh! OK. Fancy, fancy.

Can you play it for me?

SHE PLAYS CHORD Oh!

Yes! I feel Spanish. Good job, Farah. Can you show me one more?

SHE PLAYS CHORD

Ooh! You're really rocking out. Maybe we should make a band.

It is time.

Ditch your families and parents, and every other member of the house.

Sayonara. Be gone. Out! Out!

Au revoir!

Bye!

Only us kids now.

We've got loads to do to win Samojis

and there's an epic prize up for grabs

and, when I say epic, I'm talking XXL epic.

Firstly, the honour of being crowned a Remotely Funny Champion.

Secondly, the sublime Remotely Funny hoodie.

Look at it. It blows your mind!

It keeps out the cold,

but it makes you look super hot stuff at the same time.

And you can order yours today by winning this game.

Laura, Matthew, Farah, show me your best game faces.

SHE GROWLS

HE GROWLS

Booya!

SHE ROARS

Yes! Bring this on.

Let's play Remotely Funny.

This is Bedroom Bonanza.

The rules are simple - I name something, you have to collect it.

The first one back with the item wins three of my precious Samojis.

OK, everyone, item number one.

Go get me something you would take on a plane.

Go, go, go! Go get me something you would take on a plane.

It could be anything. Use your minds.

Oh, and Laura's back in first.

Why would you bring the emoji pillow with you?

Because I really like emojis and I like to sleep on it.

OK. Let me see. Farah, what is that?

-It's a hat.

-OK.

Why would you bring a hat on a plane?

Because I like to go like that when I'm sleeping.

Oh! Interesting. What about you, Matthew?

I can't sleep without this teddy.

Oh, really? That is so adorable.

I can't sleep without teddies either.

It just so happens to be that Laura was back in first,

so Laura's going to get three Samojis for that.

Booya!

Item two.

I want something cool you can fit in your pocket.

Go, go! What is it going to be?

Grab something. Oh, OK.

Farah was back in first.

That was quite quick though.

Did you put thought into that?

-Yeah.

-What is that, Farah?

It's a lip balm that I usually use a lot.

Laura, what did you get me?

I took a Minion nail file.

Why would you pick a nail file?

Because I look after my nails.

Matthew, what do you have there?

A balloon.

OK. Why would you grab a balloon?

I like making sound effects.

OK, I can see why that would be. But Farah was in first.

Farah, you get three Samojis.

Bing, bing!

Item three.

Get me something with legs.

What could it be?

And who's going to be back first?

Farah!

What is that?

It's a toy kitten that I got a couple of months ago.

OK. Laura, what is that? Is that a dog?

It's a teddy bear of my dog.

I'm very happy you chose the dog

because dogs happen to be my favourite animal.

I actually do have a dog myself

and he's super tiny and white,

and I miss him dearly because he's not with me in Japan.

Matthew, what is that? What is that, a pillow?

-Yeah.

-I like that.

You know what, Matthew?

Just because you were different and you brought a pillow

that has legs, I'm going to give you one extra Samoji for that.

But, Farah, you came in first, so you get three Samojis.

Let's see how that burp is coming along.

I'm back.

Laura's dad, how's that burp coming along?

I'll try.

Let's hear it.

-HE BURPS

-Oops! Excuse me!

Yes! HE BURPS

I'm going to give you an extra Samoji for that.

SHE BURPS

Let's see who's snapped up the Samojis.

Matthew has one,

Laura has four

and Farah is in the lead

with six Samojis.

Let's head to the bathroom. Let's go. Everyone to the toilets.

Laura, take me up.

Farah, pick up your little lapytopy

and take me to the bathroom cos I am bursting for a wee.

There's still four more chances to win those Samojis.

OK. Is everyone on the toilet?

That sounds so wrong.

Go get a pen.

Get me a pen.

I need a pen for this round.

Great work.

This is a guesstimating round.

The closest to the actual answer gets the Samojis.

Write your answers on the loo roll.

Here comes the question.

In a day, an elephant can drink 363 litres of water,

but how many cans of fizzy pop would that be?

You have ten seconds to write your answer on the loo roll.

Come to the screen and hold up your answers.

Let me see what you've got.

Matthew, what does yours say?

100.

What about you, Farah?

1,000.

And, Laura?

900.

Yes, Laura, you were the closest.

The correct answer is 1,102.

Three Samojis for you for that.

Congratulations.

-Booya!

-It's LooTube time.

OK, stop!

I'm going to ask you a question about the video

and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

For an extra Samoji, what do you think happens next?

Laura, do you have an answer for me?

The fish jumps out of one of the guys' hands

before he takes the photo.

Ooh! It's close, but it's not correct.

Matthew, what do you think happens in the video?

They chuck the fish back in.

That is not the correct answer.

Let's have a look. Let's see what happens.

Ooh!

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

That was pretty crazy, so the answer was - a saucy seal grabs the fish.

Toilet Takedown over.

Matthew has one,

Farah has six

and Laura is now in the lead

with seven Samojis.

Yes, yes!

Laura can smell the success,

or maybe it's something else, since we're in the bathroom.

We're moving to the kitchen,

so don't forget to wash your hands, you filthy animals.

It's time for Food Flash.

Come on, take me to the kitchen. It is time for some cooking.

Farah, where are you taking me? Can you talk me through?

I'm going downstairs and then I'm going to go through the corridor.

Bring on the third game.

As I am in Japan today,

I've been eating lots of delicious sashimi, which is raw fish.

Some people think it's gross, but I like it a lot.

It makes me feel "so-fish-ticated".

You get it?

BELLS RING OUT

Me neither.

Anyway, in Finland, where I'm from,

we of course have lots of delicious delicacies,

so for this game I'm going to show you

a Food Flash picture of one of my favourite Finnish dishes

and you have 45 seconds to recreate that dish.

My favourite thing about Finland is the Finnish gravy.

It's called ruskeakastike.

I have to have it on everything.

Show me you got the bottle of ruskeakastike.

Hold it up to the camera and shout, "I love ruskeakastike!"

THEY SHOUT

Yes! I love the effort on that.

I love ruskeakastike, too.

Today's dish is called "supra-coopra-popo"

and here it is.

Today's dish is croquembouche of Yorkshire puddings,

stuffed with rich squeezey icing and topped with elegant crowns

made of juicy raisins, Party Rings and organic mallows of the marsh.

This creation is served on a crescent bed of lovingly tinned

mandarin segments and finished off with

a generous drizzle of ruskeakastike, cold Finnish gravy.

OK, everyone, start cooking!

You are a top chef and shout orders at your family.

Come on, Laura. Shout for your dad. You need his help.

You need all of his burpy help right now.

Matthew, where is your parents? You need them.

Come on, there we go.

Matthew's mum going in with the little mandarins. I like that.

Put them on top.

Here we go. We don't have all day.

Don't forget the gravy.

I'm telling you, do not forget the Finnish gravy.

It is the most important part.

Two, one, stop cooking!

Put everything down. It's finished.

Let's take a look at your finished dishes.

Matthew, Laura, I do not see any of the gravy on them.

Farah's dish looks the closest to the actual picture,

so, Farah, you get three Samojis.

Matthew, you get one extra Samoji for superb teamwork,

for your dad coming in with the Yorkshire pudding.

Peace out.

Let's put these dishes to the taste test.

Bonus Samojis for parents that eat it.

Farah's mum. OK, OK.

Laura's dad, I think... Laura's dad is actually enjoying that.

That is frightening.

Good job, everyone.

Samojis all around.

It's much better chilled, trust me.

Also, once reduced in a pan, it works as a great paint stripper.

Let's check in with the Samojis.

Matthew has three,

Laura has eight

and Farah has ten Samojis.

Yay!

Let's play Remotely Funny Families.

Let's go. Let's go to the living room.

It's time to pick your little laptops up

and take me to the living room.

Laura, are we there yet?

-Yes.

-Great.

Nice living rooms.

Three out of five games complete.

Two more Samoji-winning chances to go.

Matthew, can you come closer to me, please?

Earlier your mum told me that there is one person in this house

that hogs the remote control for the telly.

For one Samoji, who did she say it was?

Me.

Yes! It is you, Matthew.

Apparently you're always watching CBBC.

You get one extra Samoji for that. Good job.

Peace out.

Laura, can you show me your best dance moves?

Let me see some.

Ooh!

OK. I don't know what that is, but I like it.

Farah, you are a ballet dancer, right?

Can your mum show me a perfect pirouette?

Come on. Come on.

Taking Farah to those lessons has really paid off, I see.

Good job. Good job.

I've given you a pedometer,

but you won't just be given Samojis for the most energetic dancing.

It's all about the style.

People think that here in Japan there's some strange pastimes,

but sometimes you should look closer to home.

Parents, check out this Morris dancing here.

Oh!

Sorry about that, I got a little excited there.

Check that your pedometers are turned on and set to zero,

and hold them up to the camera so I can see.

There we go. It's all showing zero. Awesome.

Put them on your parents.

Dance! Dance for your lives!

Dance. Move those handkerchiefs, if you have any, that is.

OK. Laura's dad is going in.

OK, Farah's mum, move those little legs of yours.

I like what I'm seeing.

Matthew's mum, good job!

Move to the music.

There's a hoodie at stake here, come on.

Two, one.

OK, OK, OK.

Stop dancing, everyone. Stop dancing.

Well, I'm going to have to give one Samoji for Laura's dad

for being cringy.

I thought I was embarrassing enough.

OK, let's see those pedometers, hold them up.

86.

Farah - 74.

Matthew - 0?!

What is this? Did you not move your legs at all?

I did!

Laura's dad, you get three Samojis for most steps.

Congratulations.

And, Matthew, it doesn't matter if your pedometer didn't work

because your mum had the best style.

I loved that rose in your mouth, it was very creative,

so she gets three Samojis for that too.

OK, peeps. Let's loop.

MUSIC: Sweet Lovin' by Sigala

Psst, Farah, come here.

I've got a chance for you to win a bonus Samoji.

Earlier I asked your mum to tell me the one thing that she does

that really embarrasses you.

For one whole Samoji, what do you think she said?

That when I'm going to school and she's, like, kissing me

and I'm trying to get away when all my friends are walking already.

Yes! That is the correct answer.

You get one whole extra Samoji for that.

Good job, Farah.

Go on, Mum, give her a lovely, big, sloppy kiss.

In fact, I want all of the parents to give their kids lovely,

big, sloppy kisses. Go in!

Go in!

I have no-one to kiss here.

I'm just going to kiss this bottle of Finnish gravy.

OK.

I'm glad that's over.

Not as much as you guys, though.

Matthew has seven,

Farah has 11,

which means Laura is now in

the lead with 12 Samojis.

Get rid of your parents. Everyone, out!

OK, players, get your heads in the game.

It is the last chance to win big.

This next game is called Say What You See Mojis.

Look at my Samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly wins the Samojis.

Go and get a buzzer.

Go get some kind of buzzer for me.

I've got mine.

What have you got there, Matthew? What is that?

A xylophone.

What about you, Farah? What do you have there?

-A tambourine.

-OK.

Can you test it out for me?

-Laura.

-I've got maracas.

Yes! Yes!

First, say what you see moji.

Clues - you might need them to protect your eyes.

Ah, Matthew, you were in first. What are they?

Sunglasses.

Yes! You get three Samojis for that.

Good work.

Next one. Clue - it is a CBBC TV show.

Matthew, I think you were in first again.

What is it?

The Dog Ate My Homework.

Yes! Another three Samojis for you.

You're good at this, Matthew.

And finally, which superhero is this?

Oh, guys, that was so close, but, Matthew, you came in first again.

-What do you think it is?

-Spider-Man.

Yes! Another three Samojis for you.

-Peace out.

-Oh, goodness. It's over.

Everyone, don't move.

And I can reveal, sweeping the board at the last minute...

..today's Remotely Funny winner is Matthew!

-Matthew, congratulations!

-Peace out! Peace out!

That was quite the comeback.

Yay! That's a Finnish celebration.

SHE SPEAKS JAPANESE

That's a Japanese one.

Matthew, I will be sending you a highly sought-after

Remotely Funny hoodie.

Farah and Laura, you don't go home empty-handed.

We'll be sending you an exquisite

Remotely Funny souvenir.

Get your families back in the room!

Big thanks to you, Laura, Matthew and Farah,

and to your families for letting me tear into your lovely homes.

You've been immense,

it's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music!

Freestyle!

Thank you so much, everyone, it was nice meeting you.