Hawaii Remotely Funny

TRANSLATION FROM LOCAL LANGUAGE:

Oh! Welcome to Remotely Funny.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Saara and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK

and dive right into your living room

so you never need to leave your house ever again.

I'm serious.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

You can play if you're in your PJs,

you can play it if you are grounded,

you can play even if you've got

an entirely rational fear of birds,

and you don't fancy leaving the house.

Today, I'm in Hawaii. Aloha.

CAMERA CLICKS

Let's meet today's Remotely Funny contenders.

First up, it's Arwen.

Hello, Arwen.

Hello!

Arwen is 12 years old and from Lincolnshire.

She loves acting, playing the piano and dolphins.

Arwen is double-jointed and is always bending her fingers

into weird shapes.

Her favourite word is "pudding". Mmm!

-Tell me who is with you today.

-I'm with my mum.

-Oh, wonderful.

Great to meet you guys.

So, Arwen, apparently, you're a get-up-and-go kind of girl.

Well, I don't really like anything to pass me by.

I always want to get out there.

I like doing a lot of

-adventurous things.

-Yeah.

Me too.

Your mom says your room is always messy.

Have you ever found any old

pizza under the bed?

I wouldn't go that far, but I have found sweet wrappers in the past.

-There was an old apple last week.

-Oh, no, Mum!

-No way!

OK, Arwen,

it's time to meet Daniel.

Arwen, say hello to Daniel and his dad.

-Hi.

-12-year-old Dan is from Hartlepool.

He loves Harry Potter,

playing video games and uses "LOL" far too much.

Dan is super clumsy

and loves Brussels sprouts.

Let's hope he hasn't had too many today. Uh!

You guys live in Hartlepool.

When I come there on my holidays, what's good to visit?

You should come to the Marina

and the Trincomalee.

It has lots of history.

And there's a museum right next to it

where you can view all the history of the town.

I love a good museum. That sounds really good. Well, next.

Axelle!

Hello, Axelle. Everyone say hello to Axelle.

-ALL:

-Hi!

13-year-old Axelle is from Basingstoke.

She's half French - ooh-la-la!

Axelle loves baking,

dipping apples in peanut butter and the word "toasty",

but can't stand peppers.

-Axelle, who are you with today?

-I'm with my family.

Mm, wonderful. Axelle, what do you want to be when you get older?

Um, either an actress or a midwife.

Actress versus midwife?

That's, like, two very different types of jobs!

Interesting. Right, mums and dads,

now, get out! Get out!

Players, you have to stay.

Before we begin, it is crucial that we talk about the prizes

that you could get your mitts on.

Firstly, the Remotely Funny glory.

Secondly, the remotely funny hoodie.

You'll have to open a savings account

for all the street cred you'll be banking - kerching!

It is time to show me your worst game faces.

-Rarr!

-Rarr!

Rarr!

Rarr!

Let's get this luau started.

This is Bedroom Bonanza. The rules are simple.

I name something,

you have to collect it.

The first one back with the item wins three

of my sugar-coated samojis.

All right, it's time to tear up your bedrooms.

First item I want you to get is...

something interesting from

the room next to yours.

Go! Something interesting from the room next to yours.

What could it be?

It could be anything. Come on.

Remember, I said something interesting. Nothing too weird. Oh!

And Axelle is back first.

And then comes Daniel.

OK, interesting.

Axelle, what do you have?

A window cleaner, I think.

Why is that interesting?

Because I never use it and I've never seen it before.

Hm! A window cleaner that you've never seen before.

Daniel, what did you bring for me?

I've brought this little cuddly meerkat toy dressed as a superhero.

Mm. Wonderful. Arwen, what did you bring for me?

I have my step brother's hover board.

Well, Axelle, you were back first,

so that means you get three samojis.

SHE CHEERS

Next item.

Bring me something that would be useful

if you went on a secret spy mission.

Go! Go, go, go, go, go.

Bring me something that would be useful

if you went on a secret spy mission.

Come on, everyone, use your little brains.

Oh, and Axelle is back first.

OK. And Arwen, number two.

Where's Daniel?

Oh, here he is.

Daniel, what did you bring for me?

It's my mum's old make-up/jewellery kit thing.

You could hide things that you'd

need for your mission inside it.

That is very creative.

Arwen, what do you have?

I have my stepsister's Penny board.

-Ooh, OK, you're all about the boards. I see.

-I am.

So, why would you take that on a spy mission?

Because it's very stealthy,

so no-one could hear me come up and sneak up on you.

Oh, I like that.

-Axelle, what about you?

-I have a torch.

-A torch?

Wonderful! What would you use it for?

You can use it for seeing in the dark or, like,

signalling to other people.

That's creative too.

Well, Axelle, you were back first again

so you get three samojis.

Yay!

However, Daniel, because you were creative,

I'm going to give one extra samoji for you.

Hey!

Item number three. The last item.

I want to see something you would wear

if you were going to Number 10 Downing Street

to meet the Prime Minister.

Go! What would you wear to meet the Prime Minister?

Come on, is it going to be someone else than Axelle,

Yes! It is Arwen.

Oh, Daniel!

You're back.

Axelle, are you changing your clothes mid-game?

Come on, you don't have to impress anyone. Arwen, what do you have?

I have a very special pair of socks.

OK, why are they special?

Well, these are no ordinary socks.

If you wear them,

you look like the most glamorous person in the whole world.

-Sure, Arwen. Sure.

-Don't doubt it.

Daniel, what did you get me?

I've got this suit

so that you'd look very professional and smart

if you went to 10 Downing Street.

Charming, Daniel, charming.

Axelle, this must be very special

because you took the longest.

What do you have?

I have the jacket.

I want to look cool for Theresa May.

Oh, well, I did hear

that she does like leather jackets.

-That's lucky.

-Arwen, you were back first,

so you get three samojis for that.

-Whoo!

-Congratulations.

It's Super Samoji Time.

Daniel is on one.

Arwen is on three.

And top of the Samoji Board is Axelle with six.

It's time for Toilet Takedown.

TOILET FLUSHES

Everyone to the toilets!

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day,

and the same applies here.

We still have four more games to play.

In Toilet Takedown, I'll be logging the scores,

so no-one else LOG anything, please.

Write your answers on the closest thing to paper,

which, in the bathroom, is the loo roll.

Here comes the question.

In 2013, an Australian company

produced the world's most expensive toilet paper.

It was made of 22-carat gold.

But for three samojis, can you guess how much one roll cost?

Write down your answers.

And don't show me yet.

How much did the 22-carat gold toilet paper roll cost?

KLAXON

Does everyone have an answer already?

-Yeah.

-Wipe off now. Let's get to it.

Everyone bring your answers

to the camera.

Let's see what you guys wrote down.

Axelle, what does yours say?

-£2 million.

-Interesting. Arwen, what about you?

-I wrote 10,000.

-OK, and Daniel?

£820,000.

The correct answer is...

£825,000.

-Daniel, I'll give you three samojis for that.

-Yay!

Well, now that's over,

we've really lightened our loads.

Mentally, mentally, guys.

Let's watch some LooTube.

I'm going to ask you a question based on the LooTube,

and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

'Course, I know you'd never let your pets play with your toys.

So the question is...

How many owls were in the clip?

Axelle, how many?

Three!

Yes, Axelle, you got it right.

That's one bonus samoji for you.

Yay!

There was one on the horse

and two on the weird skateboard things with umbrellas.

-Hey, Arwen.

-Yes?

Do I hear you say you'd like an extra samoji?

-You did.

-Great. Come here, then. Come closer to me.

For a little extra something,

what did your mum tell me annoys her most in the house?

Me spitting in the sink when I brush my teeth

and not cleaning it out properly?

No, that is NOT the correct answer.

The correct answer was your dad,

for leaving his beard trimmings in the sink.

-Eurgh. Yeah.

-I'm sorry.

That's the end of Toilet Takedown.

Let's see who's swimming in samojis.

Arwen's on three,

Daniel's on four,

and extending her lead is Axelle with seven.

It's time for Food Flash.

Everyone to the kitchen!

Daniel, are we there yet?

-No, not yet.

-It's your time to shine.

Only three more chances to grab some super samojis.

For this game, I'm going to show you a food flash picture of

one of my favourite Finnish dishes.

And you have 45 seconds to recreate the dish.

Samojis for the player

who makes their dish look as close to the picture as possible.

A Finnish kitchen is not complete

without at least one bottle of ruskeakastike,

or just gravy to you. All hail the gravy!

Everyone shout, "I love ruskeakastike!"

-ALL:

-I love ruskeakastike!

Beautiful.

You make me proud.

Today's dish is a true winner. It's known locally "a wafer-a-swim."

And here it is.

Today, our contestants will be creating a dish

that favours looks at the expense of taste.

They'll stack six wafers to form a stand,

and then balance six breadsticks to form a grill.

The plate is then covered in canned cream,

and the grill adorned with four gravy drizzles.

Freshly tinned sardines, delicious.

Start cooking!

Shout orders at your parents like you're the boss of them!

Come on, Arwen and Arwen's mom.

Axelle, I see your whole family is into it.

I love that.

Arwen, talk me through it, what are you doing?

We're trying to build the basis of the foundation.

Perfect. Strong foundations are crucial in this dish.

Great, don't forget the finished gravy.

Five, four, three, two, one...

Stop cooking, everyone!

Put everything down.

Let's take a look at your finished dishes.

Bring it up close so I can see what you've made.

SHE LAUGHS

Wow, let's rewind that!

All that hard effort and work gone to waste.

Arwen, how does this dish compare

to your famous pineapple upside-down cake?

I'm not sure if this takes the biscuit or not,

but it looks pretty good.

It does. I am telling you, I knew it would turn out like that.

Daniel, who do you think would eat this in your family and why?

Probably my mum because she is the only one who likes sardines.

I love sardines as well. Axelle, you love baking,

but would you swap a cake for this creation?

Arwen, your dish looks the closest to the original picture,

so Arwen gets three samojis.

Whoo!

Wonderful, wonderful.

Parents, are you ready to discover how tasty a dish it is?

Bonus samojis for parents that don't just try it,

they must celebrate it in all its glory.

Come on, everyone try it out!

It's delicious, I swear.

Eat it, Mum!

Oh, wonderful. Axelle's parents are really loving it.

And sister. Oh, Axelle's Dad is really, really loving it.

And so is Arwen's mom.

Arwen's mom, what do you love about this dish?

Absolutely nothing.

Daniel's mom, you seem like you actually enjoy it too.

I love that.

Everyone gets bonus samojis,

because everyone's parents tried it out.

Congratulations.

THEY CHEER

However, Axelle... Shh, come here.

Axelle, I've got a chance

for you to bag an extra samoji.

-Are you interested?

-Yes.

I had a little chat with your dad earlier,

and he told me a very interesting food fact about himself.

If you can get this question right, the samoji is yours.

How old was your dad when he had his first ever pizza?

27?

Yes! You get an extra samoji! The correct answer is 27.

Now that you've all had some good home cooking,

let's check in with my samojis.

Daniel's on five,

Arwen is on seven and Axelle is still leading the way with nine.

Whoohoo!

THEY CHEER

It's time to meet your Remotely Funny families.

Let's go to the living room. Everyone to the living room!

Come on! I don't have all day.

Plus, you only have two more chances at scoring some important samojis.

Arwen, Daniel and Axelle, get something to hide behind

because I fancy a spot of mum moves and dad dancing.

Now, there will be three samojis

for the highest number on the pedometer I've sent you.

Plus one for style. Please don't hold back.

I want to see sweat on your brows.

Show me that your pedometers are set to zero.

Daniel, it's at zero. Axelle, I see a beautiful zero.

Wonderful. Now, parents, take a look at this clip for inspiration.

Hey-ey!

Ooh! Now, ready, go!

Axelle, I see your dad came prepared.

And Daniel's dad has "Hawaii" on his T-shirt.

He must mean business!

Oh, Arwen's mom, that movement is beautiful.

It's like you're here with me.

I like those little baby leaps you're doing.

-It adds to the experience.

-Dad, come on, you can do it!

OK, stop dancing.

Arwen, talk to me about the feelings you felt watching that.

I actually felt quite proud of Mum then.

I didn't think she could dance that well.

Neither did I. Daniel, will you be taking your dad to the school disco?

I certainly wouldn't do anything public with that dancing.

OK. Axelle, what did you think about your dad's dancing?

What was lacking?

A bit more rhythm and movement.

Ha-ha-ha, which is the definition of dancing.

Yeah.

Hold up your pedometers. This is the science.

OK.

Axelle's pedometer is saying 62.

Arwen's pedometer is saying 86.

And Daniel's says ten. Arwen gets three samojis for those steps.

-BOTH:

-Whoohoo!

Axelle gets one samoji for overall style...

-Yes!

-Yay!

..with the skirt and all, you know.

And Daniel gets one samoji for cringe.

-ALL:

-Hey!

It's still a samoji.

OK, peeps, let's loop.

Hey, Daniel, I've got a chance for you to get your hands

on an extra samoji.

Come closer. I asked your dad

who has the weirdest habits in the house.

I'll give you a samoji

if you can tell me who it is and what the weird habit is.

It's probably my mum.

And it's probably when she's picking her toenails at night

and leaving it on the coach.

No way! You do that?! You are one of those?!

Well, Daniel, that's the correct answer.

-You get one extra samoji.

-Yay!

Let's catch up with the samojis.

Daniel is on seven,

and Arwen and Axelle are sharing the top spot with ten.

Families, out you go!

Take that mirror ball

and go and take a long look at yourself. Outside!

Focus, my players. It is the last chance to win big.

This game is called Say What You See Mojis.

Look at my samojis

and tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins

the hallowed samojis.

Go and get a buzzer!

Get me a buzzer.

Everyone got their buzzers? Cos I've got mine.

CAN RATTLES

BELL RINGS

Oh, that's going to be perfect.

First Say What You See Moji.

It's a fairytale.

BELL RINGS. Axelle!

Cinderella.

Yes. You get three samojis, Axelle.

Yay!

Time for the second one.

Clue, it's a phrase.

CAN RATTLES

-Arwen, what is it?

-The early bird gets the worm.

Yes, that is correct. So you get three samojis.

Whoo!

Here comes the final one.

And it's also a phrase.

CAN RATTLES

-Daniel, what is it?

-Eye on the ball.

Correct. The correct answer is eye on the ball.

You get three samojis for that.

Yay!

Guys, we have a tie-break situation.

Axelle and Arwen are tied.

So it is time for the very final deal breaker,

Say What You See Moji.

Only Axelle and Arwen can buzz in here.

Now, here we go, final one.

I'll give you a clue. It's a sci-fi show.

CAN RATTLES

Arwen, what is it?

Doctor Who.

Yes! That is correct!

Yay!

Congratulations, Arwen, that was so tense. Tense, but amazing.

Congratulations, Arwen.

Yay-aaaaa!

Arwen, an exclusive Remotely Funny hoodie is on its way

to your wardrobe.

Daniel and Axelle, you'll be getting a couple of sweet

Remotely Funny souvenirs, so you don't forget us.

Get your families back in the room!

Big, big, big, thanks to you,

Arwen, Daniel and Axelle,

and your families for letting us

turn your houses upside down

so one of you could get a new hoodie.

You've been immense, it's been remote,

and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music! Aloha.