Germany Remotely Funny


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Transcript


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IN GERMAN:

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Hello. Welcome to Remotely Funny.

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Hi, everyone. I'm Saara and this is Remotely Funny,

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the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

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I'm coming in wirelessly,

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hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

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You can play if you're in your PJs.

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You can play if you're grounded.

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You could even play if you've accidentally locked yourself

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in the cupboard under the stairs pretending to be Harry Potter.

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We've all been there.

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Today I'm in Germany.

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If I'm here in Germany,

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where are my daring Remotely Funny contenders today?

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Let's meet them. First up, it's Manon. Hello, Manon.

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-ALL:

-Hi!

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Manon is 11 years old and from Derbyshire.

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She likes doing the Funky Chicken, while eating chicken nuggets,

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horse riding, high ropes

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and roller-skating.

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-Who's with you today?

-Hello! I'm with my dad, Steve.

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Hi!

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-And my brother, Matisse.

-Hello!

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Wonderful. Great to meet you people.

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Manon, you have three brothers. What's that like in your house?

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-Horrible and outnumbered.

-Yeah, you definitely are.

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What is the most adventurous thing you've done on a family holiday?

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Probably canoeing with crocodiles.

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-What?! Where did that happen?

-In America.

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Oh, my goodness. Tell me about your dad.

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Why did you choose him as your team-mate today?

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He is good at embarrassing me.

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OK, well, that is definitely an advantage in this game, Manon.

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Let's move on. It is time to meet Madeleine.

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-Madeleine, say hello to Manon and the boys.

-Hello!

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Madeleine is 11 years old, from Hertfordshire.

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She loves playing the piano and daydreaming.

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But she totally hates cheese.

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Madeleine wants to be an author when she grows up.

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She likes writing spooky stories and her favourite emoji is the ghost.

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Boo!

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Madeleine, you want to be an actress when you're older? Why is that.

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I quite like being creative and I'm not really scared

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in front of big crowds and I just find it fun.

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What qualities will your dad be bringing to your team?

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He doesn't care about making a fool of himself, really.

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That's amazing. That sounds exactly like me.

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Finally, we're connecting to Rion. Hello, Rion!

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-Everyone say hello to Rion. ALL:

-Hello!

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11-year-old Rion is from London.

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He loves rocking out on his guitar,

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is a whiz at building things and once met the actor Vin Diesel.

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Rion has eaten dried mealworms

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and said they're actually a lot nicer than broccoli.

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Hello, Rion. Who are you with today?

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I'm with my auntie, my mother...

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Hi!

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..and last but not least, my little cousin.

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Hello! Really nice to meet you.

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Rion, I've heard you're quite the musician. What do you play?

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I play the guitar to grade two.

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Oh, interesting. Can you give us a tune?

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HE PLAYS GUITAR

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Oh, my goodness, Rion!

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Thank you, Rion. That's enough.

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Mum, what a talented boy you have.

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But is he any good at useful stuff like washing up and making the bed?

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Absolutely not.

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SAARA LAUGHS

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Players, this is a contest and only one of you can win.

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It's time for all the family members to leave the room.

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Everyone leave the room!

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OK, players, there's a lot at stake when it comes to prizes.

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So listen up because I'll only say this once, I hate repeating myself.

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Do you hear me? I hate repeating myself.

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-Are you up to the challenge? ALL:

-Yes!

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Awesome. This is what you can win.

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Your face in the Remotely Funny Hall of Fame.

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Plus, the top-of-the-line in loungewear -

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the Remotely Funny hoodie.

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Guaranteed to get you the best table in the school canteen.

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Order yours today by winning this game.

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Manon, Madeleine and Rion, show me your best game faces.

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THEY SCREAM

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Good job. This is Bedroom Bonanza.

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I name it, you collect it.

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The first one back with the item wins three of my delectable samojis.

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Item number one, go get me something you would take with you

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to the future if we could time travel. Go! Go get me that item!

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What would you take to the future if we could time travel?

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The first one back with the item gets three samojis

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and Madeleine is back.

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And so is Manon. Rion, what do you have there?

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-A toothbrush.

-Why would you take a toothbrush to the future, Rion?

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Dental care is very big these days.

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Hm, and it should be in the future as well.

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-Manon, what would you take to the future?

-I would take my tablet.

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I'd want to communicate with my friends

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and it's really handy if I don't know something in the future,

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I can just search it up.

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-Madeleine, what do you have?

-I have my phone.

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Like, wouldn't it be pretty cool to take photos of the future?

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That is pretty cool, Madeleine. Good thinking.

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Madeleine was back first so, Madeleine, you get three samojis.

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Whoo!

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But, Rion, because you thought of dental care,

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which was amazing to me, you get one extra samoji, Rion.

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Item number two - bring me your mum's perfume.

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Come on, come on, come on! Your mum's perfume.

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Bring me your mum's perfume. Oh, and Rion is back first.

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Madeleine is number two. Where's Manon?

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Oh, here she comes, here she comes.

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Rion, tell me about this perfume.

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One thing I know for sure, it stinks.

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Simple and clear.

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Manon, spray some of your perfume on me. I want to smell it.

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Oh, oh...

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I smell flowers.

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Madeleine, what about your perfume?

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Tell me something about it.

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It smells kind of like a nice soap.

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You would like wearing a nice soap scent?

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Yeah.

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Rion, you were back first so that's three samojis for you.

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Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

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But, Manon, because you're so great at selling perfume,

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I'm going to give you one samoji.

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Whoo! Celebrate!

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It is time for item number three.

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Get me something you could use to build a sandcastle.

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Come on, come on, come on! Use your young creative minds.

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Oh, and Madeleine is back first.

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Rion, what do you have there?

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A small bucket thing.

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What about you, Madeleine? What do you have?

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Well, I have a box.

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It does have earrings in it at the moment

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but if you empty them out, I'm sure you could scoop the sand into it.

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What about you, Manon? What do you have?

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I brought a perfume box.

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You know when you use, like, buckets,

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you fill it all up and then you tip it upside down, you can use that.

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Oh, so you'll get wonderful sharp edges.

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Madeleine, you were back first this time, so you get three samojis.

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Whoo!

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But, Manon, because I liked your sharp edges,

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you're going to get one extra samoji.

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Whoo! Celebrate!

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Rion, I've got a question for you. Come close to me.

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So earlier I spoke to your mum and she told me

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that she does something that really embarrasses you.

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If you can give me the same answer, I'll give you a slice of samoji pie.

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What do you think she said embarrasses you?

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Her embarrassing, embarrassing pyjamas.

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Yes! That is the correct answer.

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How are they so embarrassing, though?

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THEY ALL LAUGH

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That's an amazing chicken onesie, Rion's mum!

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SAARA LAUGHS

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Rion, yes, that was the correct answer, so you get one samoji.

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Yeah!

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Let's find out who has scored some sweet samojis.

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So speeding down the Autobahn into first place is Madeleine.

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Good job, Madeleine. To the kitchen for Food Flash.

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Manon, give us a tour of your house, please.

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I'm just going to go through the hallway and go into the kitchen.

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Be careful, don't trip!

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Here in Germany, there are many culinary delights.

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It's just most of them are in sausage or pickle form.

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In Finland, where I'm from, we have our own specialities.

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So for this game, I'm going to show you a Food Flash picture

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of one of my favourite Finnish dishes

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and you have 45 seconds to recreate it.

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Samojis for the player who makes their dish look

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as close to the picture as possible.

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What I am missing with my German food is my favourite Finnish gravy.

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It's called ruskeakastike.

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Shout out, "I love you, ruskeakastike!"

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-ALL:

-I love you, rusty...cat...sticker...

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Today's dish is called freshbreathbottom.

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And here it is.

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Today's dish includes sponge fingers,

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expertly laid across one another to form delicate crosses.

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Combined with an exquisite dollop of blue icing.

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Topped with Tic Tacs and a final flourish

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in the form of a wasabi pea.

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It's then decorated with room-temperature Finnish gravy.

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Now...start cooking! Come on, everyone!

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ALL SPEAK INDISTINCTLY

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Come on now, Manon, I need you to shout those orders.

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I don't see your dad doing much.

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Put the icing on, Dad.

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Perfect, perfect.

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Not that.

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Five, four,

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three, two,

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one. Stop cooking!

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Put everything down.

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It's time to look at your "Finnish-ed" dishes.

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-Manon, tell me something about this dish.

-It's very gravy.

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Madeleine, can I see your dish?

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I decided to cook it raw.

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Well, that's a first.

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Rion, can I see your plate?

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Hm, well, things got a bit messy.

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There's gravy on the plate,

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on the walls and on the counter and also on my shirt.

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Wonderful. I can tell you're very passionate about that dish.

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I had an incident with the gravy.

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Manon, yours looked the closest to the original picture,

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so, Manon, you get three samojis.

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Whoo!

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Time for me to taste your food.

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And by that, I mean I will taste it with my eyes,

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while your parents get to try it.

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Everyone's parents have to try it.

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Here we go!

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-OK.

-Oh, yeah!

-Mm!

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Madeleine's dad... I am in love!

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Rion, how is your mum liking it so far?

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Rion's mum, that is NOT the correct answer.

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Everyone's parents tried it, so everyone gets bonus samojis.

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CHEERING

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-Hey, Madeleine, I've got a question for you.

-OK.

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I want to know just how well you know your father.

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If you can name his least-favourite food, I'll give you a samoji.

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Do you know what it is?

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Is it cream?

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BUZZER No, that was not correct!

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That was so close, though. But it wasn't cream, it was milk.

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So you don't get a bonus samoji. I'm sorry, Madeleine. Maybe next time.

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Let's find out who's top of the table.

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Let's head to the lav for some toilet telly gold.

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It's time for Toilet Takedown. Everyone to the toilets.

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This is a guesstimating game.

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The closest to the actual answer gets the samojis.

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And here comes the question.

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What percentage of a jellyfish is made from water?

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Remember, try and visualise a jellyfish. Be the jellyfish.

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How watery do you feel?

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Now, pens down.

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Come to the screen and hold up your answers at the same time.

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Madeleine, what does yours say?

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90%.

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Rion, what does yours say?

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100%.

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-And Manon?

-15%.

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The correct answer is 95%.

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-Madeleine, you get three samojis.

-Whoo!

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Rion, you were only 5% out too, so you also get three samojis.

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Whoop! Whoop!

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This is awkward.

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I've been telling you not to use the toilet

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but I've actually been caught short,

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so watch this LooTube while I, you know...go.

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For an extra samoji, I'm going to ask you a question about the video

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and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

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And hands off those flushers!

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So, what was the colour of the block on top of the last tower

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to be knocked over.

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Manon, what do you think it was?

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-Purple.

-Yes, Manon, that is correct.

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You get one samoji.

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Whoo!

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Toilet Takedown over.

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As long as your dad wasn't in there this morning,

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you can all take a deep breath of relief.

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FART

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Well, it is time to see your family without the filter.

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Head to the living room for Remotely Funny Families.

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# Der-der-der-di. #

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You've all been joined by a hot new pop star

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who also happens to be your parent.

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Contenders, find something your parents can use as a microphone.

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Great. What did you pick for a microphone?

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I picked our TV remote.

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-I picked the TV sound recorder.

-Of course.

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I picked something REMOTELY funny.

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Oh, hmm... I see what you did there.

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I'm going to play each of you a song and when the music stops,

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you need to finish the lyrics.

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If you don't know the lyrics, make them up.

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I'll also be awarding samojis for your performance.

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So flair like you don't care.

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Rion's mum, you're going first.

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Play the song.

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# Tried to square not being in there

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# But think that I should have been... #

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Here we go, Rion's mum. Take the stage.

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# Hold back the river and look in your eyes

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# Hold back the river tonight... #

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-I don't know the words!

-Keep it going.

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# Hold back the river Hold back! #

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Rion, how did you feel about that?

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My ears will never recover.

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Oh, please! It really moved me!

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Good job, Rion's mum. But here's the original track.

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# Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes

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# Hold back the river so I... #

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Manon's dad, it is your turn.

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Hit the music.

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# She took my arm

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# I don't know how it happened

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# We took the floor and she said... #

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# Dance with me

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# Will you just be with me?

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# And even if I don't know the words

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# We're onto Remotely Fu-u-nny

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# And my daughter is so loving this. #

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OK, I'm loving it too.

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Stop!

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Manon, did you hear any of that?

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I can't hear you cos of how deaf I am now!

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LAUGHING: Come on, now!

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Let's hear how it should've been done.

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# Oh, don't you dare look back

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# Just keep your eyes on me

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# I said, "You're holding back"

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# She said, "Shut up and dance with me"... #

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Finally, no pressure, Madeleine's dad.

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Go track!

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-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!

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-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!

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-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!... #

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# Uptown funk but I don't know the words

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# This is going to really embarrass Maddie

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# Yes, it is!

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# Yes

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# Why you crawling away, Maddie?

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# Why you crawling away?

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# Come on! Come back no-o-o-ow! #

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OK, I-I think she's had enough.

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Madeleine, how excited are you for friends at school to see that?

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-Yay...

-LAUGHTER

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Madeleine's dad, here's the proper lyrics.

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# Cos uptown funk gonna give it to you

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# Saturday night and we in the spot

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# Don't believe me just watch Come on! #

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Rion's mum, you get a samoji for style.

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Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

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Madeleine's dad, you get a samoji for cringe.

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-Yes!

-Whoo!

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Manon, your father gets three samojis for best performance.

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Yee-ha!

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Well, it's time to revisit the scene of crime.

0:17:590:18:01

Play the evidence. Let's loop!

0:18:010:18:04

# Hold back the River and... #

0:18:040:18:05

# Dance with me... #

0:18:050:18:07

# Hold back the River to... #

0:18:070:18:09

# I don't know the words... #

0:18:090:18:10

# Don't know the words... #

0:18:100:18:12

# Ahh... #

0:18:120:18:13

# We're onto Remotely...

0:18:130:18:15

# Why you crawling away? #

0:18:150:18:16

# ..Funny. #

0:18:160:18:18

# Yes, it is! #

0:18:180:18:19

# Hold back. #

0:18:190:18:21

Hey, Manon, how well do you think you know your dad?

0:18:220:18:25

I hope I know him better than he knows himself.

0:18:260:18:30

I know everything about your dad.

0:18:300:18:31

And I'm going to give you an extra samoji

0:18:320:18:34

if you can bring me one of his favourite items of clothing.

0:18:340:18:38

Go, go, go!

0:18:380:18:39

What can it be?

0:18:410:18:43

No! No!

0:18:430:18:44

His cycling mankini.

0:18:440:18:46

It's what he cycles in.

0:18:460:18:48

It looks like a baby swing.

0:18:480:18:50

That's the correct answer.

0:18:500:18:51

The answer was anything he wears for cycling,

0:18:510:18:54

so that's one samoji for you, Manon.

0:18:540:18:56

Whoo!

0:18:560:18:57

Scores are...

0:18:570:18:59

It's time for The Decider.

0:19:070:19:09

OK, everyone, things are about to get so tense right now

0:19:150:19:19

I need your full attention and that means it's time for mums and dads

0:19:190:19:22

to leave. Out!

0:19:220:19:24

Madeleine, Rion and Manon, you're on your own from here until the end.

0:19:240:19:28

This game is called Say What You See Moji.

0:19:280:19:31

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

0:19:310:19:34

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly wins the samojis.

0:19:340:19:38

So now, go and get a buzzer.

0:19:380:19:40

Get a hold of anything that makes a big noise.

0:19:400:19:42

Everyone got their buzzers? I've got mine.

0:19:470:19:49

HE PLAYS TUBA

0:19:500:19:52

What do you have for a buzzer?

0:19:530:19:54

CLANGS AND RATTLES

0:19:540:19:56

Wonderful.

0:19:560:19:57

First Say What You See Moji.

0:19:570:20:00

Here it comes.

0:20:000:20:02

So...

0:20:020:20:03

RINGING

0:20:030:20:05

Oh, Madeleine, what do you think it is?

0:20:050:20:07

-The Jungle Book.

-Yes!

0:20:070:20:09

That means three samojis for you.

0:20:090:20:11

Great job, Madeleine.

0:20:110:20:13

Let's try the next one.

0:20:130:20:14

What do you think this means?

0:20:150:20:16

CLATTERING

0:20:160:20:18

Rion, what is it?

0:20:180:20:19

I love pointing.

0:20:190:20:21

No! That is wrong.

0:20:210:20:23

The answer was I love you.

0:20:230:20:25

And finally, if you got loads of dollar dollar bills, y'all,

0:20:260:20:31

you're a...

0:20:310:20:32

RINGING

0:20:330:20:34

Moneybags.

0:20:360:20:37

That's correct, Madeleine, it's moneybags.

0:20:370:20:39

Great work, you get three samojis.

0:20:390:20:42

Whoo!

0:20:420:20:43

Game over. OK, the scores are in.

0:20:430:20:46

I can reveal that today's Remotely Funny winner is...

0:20:460:20:53

# Dun, de-de-dun, de-de-dun, de-de-dun

0:20:530:20:55

# De-de-rin-der-der-der-der... #

0:20:550:20:56

-..Madeleine!

-Whoo!

0:20:580:21:01

Congratulations, Madeleine!

0:21:010:21:03

Uggy! Uggy! Uggy! That's a Finnish celebration.

0:21:080:21:11

Wunderbar! That's a German one.

0:21:110:21:13

Madeleine, keep your eyes peeled for your postie

0:21:130:21:16

as I will be sending you my Remotely Funny hoodie.

0:21:160:21:19

Manon and Rion, you won't leave with nothing.

0:21:190:21:21

We will be sending you some Remotely Funny souvenirs

0:21:210:21:23

to remind you of all the good times we've spent together.

0:21:230:21:26

Now get your families back in the room.

0:21:260:21:28

Big, big, big thanks to you, Madeleine, Manon and Rion

0:21:300:21:33

and your families.

0:21:330:21:34

You've been immense,

0:21:340:21:36

it's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

0:21:360:21:38

Play the music! Auf Wiedersehen!

0:21:380:21:41

Thanks so much, everyone. It was awesome to meet you.

0:21:580:22:01

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