Germany Remotely Funny

IN GERMAN:

Hello. Welcome to Remotely Funny.

Hi, everyone. I'm Saara and this is Remotely Funny,

the show that has the power to go anywhere in the UK.

I'm coming in wirelessly,

hijacking your home and then offering you prizes.

You can play if you're in your PJs.

You can play if you're grounded.

You could even play if you've accidentally locked yourself

in the cupboard under the stairs pretending to be Harry Potter.

We've all been there.

Today I'm in Germany.

If I'm here in Germany,

where are my daring Remotely Funny contenders today?

Let's meet them. First up, it's Manon. Hello, Manon.

-ALL:

-Hi!

Manon is 11 years old and from Derbyshire.

She likes doing the Funky Chicken, while eating chicken nuggets,

horse riding, high ropes

and roller-skating.

-Who's with you today?

-Hello! I'm with my dad, Steve.

Hi!

-And my brother, Matisse.

-Hello!

Wonderful. Great to meet you people.

Manon, you have three brothers. What's that like in your house?

-Horrible and outnumbered.

-Yeah, you definitely are.

What is the most adventurous thing you've done on a family holiday?

Probably canoeing with crocodiles.

-What?! Where did that happen?

-In America.

Oh, my goodness. Tell me about your dad.

Why did you choose him as your team-mate today?

He is good at embarrassing me.

OK, well, that is definitely an advantage in this game, Manon.

Let's move on. It is time to meet Madeleine.

-Madeleine, say hello to Manon and the boys.

-Hello!

Madeleine is 11 years old, from Hertfordshire.

She loves playing the piano and daydreaming.

But she totally hates cheese.

Madeleine wants to be an author when she grows up.

She likes writing spooky stories and her favourite emoji is the ghost.

Boo!

Madeleine, you want to be an actress when you're older? Why is that.

I quite like being creative and I'm not really scared

in front of big crowds and I just find it fun.

What qualities will your dad be bringing to your team?

He doesn't care about making a fool of himself, really.

That's amazing. That sounds exactly like me.

Finally, we're connecting to Rion. Hello, Rion!

-Everyone say hello to Rion. ALL:

-Hello!

11-year-old Rion is from London.

He loves rocking out on his guitar,

is a whiz at building things and once met the actor Vin Diesel.

Rion has eaten dried mealworms

and said they're actually a lot nicer than broccoli.

Hello, Rion. Who are you with today?

I'm with my auntie, my mother...

Hi!

..and last but not least, my little cousin.

Hello! Really nice to meet you.

Rion, I've heard you're quite the musician. What do you play?

I play the guitar to grade two.

Oh, interesting. Can you give us a tune?

HE PLAYS GUITAR

Oh, my goodness, Rion!

Thank you, Rion. That's enough.

Mum, what a talented boy you have.

But is he any good at useful stuff like washing up and making the bed?

Absolutely not.

SAARA LAUGHS

Players, this is a contest and only one of you can win.

It's time for all the family members to leave the room.

Everyone leave the room!

OK, players, there's a lot at stake when it comes to prizes.

So listen up because I'll only say this once, I hate repeating myself.

Do you hear me? I hate repeating myself.

-Are you up to the challenge? ALL:

-Yes!

Awesome. This is what you can win.

Your face in the Remotely Funny Hall of Fame.

Plus, the top-of-the-line in loungewear -

the Remotely Funny hoodie.

Guaranteed to get you the best table in the school canteen.

Order yours today by winning this game.

Manon, Madeleine and Rion, show me your best game faces.

THEY SCREAM

Good job. This is Bedroom Bonanza.

I name it, you collect it.

The first one back with the item wins three of my delectable samojis.

Item number one, go get me something you would take with you

to the future if we could time travel. Go! Go get me that item!

What would you take to the future if we could time travel?

The first one back with the item gets three samojis

and Madeleine is back.

And so is Manon. Rion, what do you have there?

-A toothbrush.

-Why would you take a toothbrush to the future, Rion?

Dental care is very big these days.

Hm, and it should be in the future as well.

-Manon, what would you take to the future?

-I would take my tablet.

I'd want to communicate with my friends

and it's really handy if I don't know something in the future,

I can just search it up.

-Madeleine, what do you have?

-I have my phone.

Like, wouldn't it be pretty cool to take photos of the future?

That is pretty cool, Madeleine. Good thinking.

Madeleine was back first so, Madeleine, you get three samojis.

Whoo!

But, Rion, because you thought of dental care,

which was amazing to me, you get one extra samoji, Rion.

Item number two - bring me your mum's perfume.

Come on, come on, come on! Your mum's perfume.

Bring me your mum's perfume. Oh, and Rion is back first.

Madeleine is number two. Where's Manon?

Oh, here she comes, here she comes.

Rion, tell me about this perfume.

One thing I know for sure, it stinks.

Simple and clear.

Manon, spray some of your perfume on me. I want to smell it.

Oh, oh...

I smell flowers.

Madeleine, what about your perfume?

Tell me something about it.

It smells kind of like a nice soap.

You would like wearing a nice soap scent?

Yeah.

Rion, you were back first so that's three samojis for you.

Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

But, Manon, because you're so great at selling perfume,

I'm going to give you one samoji.

Whoo! Celebrate!

It is time for item number three.

Get me something you could use to build a sandcastle.

Come on, come on, come on! Use your young creative minds.

Oh, and Madeleine is back first.

Rion, what do you have there?

A small bucket thing.

What about you, Madeleine? What do you have?

Well, I have a box.

It does have earrings in it at the moment

but if you empty them out, I'm sure you could scoop the sand into it.

What about you, Manon? What do you have?

I brought a perfume box.

You know when you use, like, buckets,

you fill it all up and then you tip it upside down, you can use that.

Oh, so you'll get wonderful sharp edges.

Madeleine, you were back first this time, so you get three samojis.

Whoo!

But, Manon, because I liked your sharp edges,

you're going to get one extra samoji.

Whoo! Celebrate!

Rion, I've got a question for you. Come close to me.

So earlier I spoke to your mum and she told me

that she does something that really embarrasses you.

If you can give me the same answer, I'll give you a slice of samoji pie.

What do you think she said embarrasses you?

Her embarrassing, embarrassing pyjamas.

Yes! That is the correct answer.

How are they so embarrassing, though?

THEY ALL LAUGH

That's an amazing chicken onesie, Rion's mum!

SAARA LAUGHS

Rion, yes, that was the correct answer, so you get one samoji.

Yeah!

Let's find out who has scored some sweet samojis.

So speeding down the Autobahn into first place is Madeleine.

Good job, Madeleine. To the kitchen for Food Flash.

Manon, give us a tour of your house, please.

I'm just going to go through the hallway and go into the kitchen.

Be careful, don't trip!

Here in Germany, there are many culinary delights.

It's just most of them are in sausage or pickle form.

In Finland, where I'm from, we have our own specialities.

So for this game, I'm going to show you a Food Flash picture

of one of my favourite Finnish dishes

and you have 45 seconds to recreate it.

Samojis for the player who makes their dish look

as close to the picture as possible.

What I am missing with my German food is my favourite Finnish gravy.

It's called ruskeakastike.

Shout out, "I love you, ruskeakastike!"

-ALL:

-I love you, rusty...cat...sticker...

Today's dish is called freshbreathbottom.

And here it is.

Today's dish includes sponge fingers,

expertly laid across one another to form delicate crosses.

Combined with an exquisite dollop of blue icing.

Topped with Tic Tacs and a final flourish

in the form of a wasabi pea.

It's then decorated with room-temperature Finnish gravy.

Now...start cooking! Come on, everyone!

ALL SPEAK INDISTINCTLY

Come on now, Manon, I need you to shout those orders.

I don't see your dad doing much.

Put the icing on, Dad.

Perfect, perfect.

Not that.

Five, four,

three, two,

one. Stop cooking!

Put everything down.

It's time to look at your "Finnish-ed" dishes.

-Manon, tell me something about this dish.

-It's very gravy.

Madeleine, can I see your dish?

I decided to cook it raw.

Well, that's a first.

Rion, can I see your plate?

Hm, well, things got a bit messy.

There's gravy on the plate,

on the walls and on the counter and also on my shirt.

Wonderful. I can tell you're very passionate about that dish.

I had an incident with the gravy.

Manon, yours looked the closest to the original picture,

so, Manon, you get three samojis.

Whoo!

Time for me to taste your food.

And by that, I mean I will taste it with my eyes,

while your parents get to try it.

Everyone's parents have to try it.

Here we go!

-OK.

-Oh, yeah!

-Mm!

Madeleine's dad... I am in love!

Rion, how is your mum liking it so far?

Rion's mum, that is NOT the correct answer.

Everyone's parents tried it, so everyone gets bonus samojis.

CHEERING

-Hey, Madeleine, I've got a question for you.

-OK.

I want to know just how well you know your father.

If you can name his least-favourite food, I'll give you a samoji.

Do you know what it is?

Is it cream?

BUZZER No, that was not correct!

That was so close, though. But it wasn't cream, it was milk.

So you don't get a bonus samoji. I'm sorry, Madeleine. Maybe next time.

Let's find out who's top of the table.

Let's head to the lav for some toilet telly gold.

It's time for Toilet Takedown. Everyone to the toilets.

This is a guesstimating game.

The closest to the actual answer gets the samojis.

And here comes the question.

What percentage of a jellyfish is made from water?

Remember, try and visualise a jellyfish. Be the jellyfish.

How watery do you feel?

Now, pens down.

Come to the screen and hold up your answers at the same time.

Madeleine, what does yours say?

90%.

Rion, what does yours say?

100%.

-And Manon?

-15%.

The correct answer is 95%.

-Madeleine, you get three samojis.

-Whoo!

Rion, you were only 5% out too, so you also get three samojis.

Whoop! Whoop!

This is awkward.

I've been telling you not to use the toilet

but I've actually been caught short,

so watch this LooTube while I, you know...go.

For an extra samoji, I'm going to ask you a question about the video

and the first one to flush the loo gets to answer.

And hands off those flushers!

So, what was the colour of the block on top of the last tower

to be knocked over.

Manon, what do you think it was?

-Purple.

-Yes, Manon, that is correct.

You get one samoji.

Whoo!

Toilet Takedown over.

As long as your dad wasn't in there this morning,

you can all take a deep breath of relief.

FART

Well, it is time to see your family without the filter.

Head to the living room for Remotely Funny Families.

# Der-der-der-di. #

You've all been joined by a hot new pop star

who also happens to be your parent.

Contenders, find something your parents can use as a microphone.

Great. What did you pick for a microphone?

I picked our TV remote.

-I picked the TV sound recorder.

-Of course.

I picked something REMOTELY funny.

Oh, hmm... I see what you did there.

I'm going to play each of you a song and when the music stops,

you need to finish the lyrics.

If you don't know the lyrics, make them up.

I'll also be awarding samojis for your performance.

So flair like you don't care.

Rion's mum, you're going first.

Play the song.

# Tried to square not being in there

# But think that I should have been... #

Here we go, Rion's mum. Take the stage.

# Hold back the river and look in your eyes

# Hold back the river tonight... #

-I don't know the words!

-Keep it going.

# Hold back the river Hold back! #

Rion, how did you feel about that?

My ears will never recover.

Oh, please! It really moved me!

Good job, Rion's mum. But here's the original track.

# Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes

# Hold back the river so I... #

Manon's dad, it is your turn.

Hit the music.

# She took my arm

# I don't know how it happened

# We took the floor and she said... #

# Dance with me

# Will you just be with me?

# And even if I don't know the words

# We're onto Remotely Fu-u-nny

# And my daughter is so loving this. #

OK, I'm loving it too.

Stop!

Manon, did you hear any of that?

I can't hear you cos of how deaf I am now!

LAUGHING: Come on, now!

Let's hear how it should've been done.

# Oh, don't you dare look back

# Just keep your eyes on me

# I said, "You're holding back"

# She said, "Shut up and dance with me"... #

Finally, no pressure, Madeleine's dad.

Go track!

-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!

-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!

-# Girls hit your hallelujah

-Whoo!... #

# Uptown funk but I don't know the words

# This is going to really embarrass Maddie

# Yes, it is!

# Yes

# Why you crawling away, Maddie?

# Why you crawling away?

# Come on! Come back no-o-o-ow! #

OK, I-I think she's had enough.

Madeleine, how excited are you for friends at school to see that?

-Yay...

-LAUGHTER

Madeleine's dad, here's the proper lyrics.

# Cos uptown funk gonna give it to you

# Saturday night and we in the spot

# Don't believe me just watch Come on! #

Rion's mum, you get a samoji for style.

Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!

Madeleine's dad, you get a samoji for cringe.

-Yes!

-Whoo!

Manon, your father gets three samojis for best performance.

Yee-ha!

Well, it's time to revisit the scene of crime.

Play the evidence. Let's loop!

# Hold back the River and... #

# Dance with me... #

# Hold back the River to... #

# I don't know the words... #

# Don't know the words... #

# Ahh... #

# We're onto Remotely...

# Why you crawling away? #

# ..Funny. #

# Yes, it is! #

# Hold back. #

Hey, Manon, how well do you think you know your dad?

I hope I know him better than he knows himself.

I know everything about your dad.

And I'm going to give you an extra samoji

if you can bring me one of his favourite items of clothing.

Go, go, go!

What can it be?

No! No!

His cycling mankini.

It's what he cycles in.

It looks like a baby swing.

That's the correct answer.

The answer was anything he wears for cycling,

so that's one samoji for you, Manon.

Whoo!

Scores are...

It's time for The Decider.

OK, everyone, things are about to get so tense right now

I need your full attention and that means it's time for mums and dads

to leave. Out!

Madeleine, Rion and Manon, you're on your own from here until the end.

This game is called Say What You See Moji.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly wins the samojis.

So now, go and get a buzzer.

Get a hold of anything that makes a big noise.

Everyone got their buzzers? I've got mine.

HE PLAYS TUBA

What do you have for a buzzer?

CLANGS AND RATTLES

Wonderful.

First Say What You See Moji.

Here it comes.

So...

RINGING

Oh, Madeleine, what do you think it is?

-The Jungle Book.

-Yes!

That means three samojis for you.

Great job, Madeleine.

Let's try the next one.

What do you think this means?

CLATTERING

Rion, what is it?

I love pointing.

No! That is wrong.

The answer was I love you.

And finally, if you got loads of dollar dollar bills, y'all,

you're a...

RINGING

Moneybags.

That's correct, Madeleine, it's moneybags.

Great work, you get three samojis.

Whoo!

Game over. OK, the scores are in.

I can reveal that today's Remotely Funny winner is...

# Dun, de-de-dun, de-de-dun, de-de-dun

# De-de-rin-der-der-der-der... #

-..Madeleine!

-Whoo!

Congratulations, Madeleine!

Uggy! Uggy! Uggy! That's a Finnish celebration.

Wunderbar! That's a German one.

Madeleine, keep your eyes peeled for your postie

as I will be sending you my Remotely Funny hoodie.

Manon and Rion, you won't leave with nothing.

We will be sending you some Remotely Funny souvenirs

to remind you of all the good times we've spent together.

Now get your families back in the room.

Big, big, big thanks to you, Madeleine, Manon and Rion

and your families.

You've been immense,

it's been remote and we've all been pretty funny.

Play the music! Auf Wiedersehen!

Thanks so much, everyone. It was awesome to meet you.