Giggleswick Remotely Funny

I knew it. I can communicate with only my mind.

You can hear me, can't you? Yes, you can.

My thoughts are now in your mind.

On today's Remotely Funny...

Eeny meeny miny moe, other teams have got to go.

Hurray.

Ugh! Seriously?

Welcome to Remotely Funny.

Hey, everyone. I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the game show that takes place in your home,

which means your parents don't have to play taxi driver.

After travelling the world in search for a new market for Finnish

gravy, I have decided that the UK is the place for me

because you Brits need ruskeakastike in your lives.

And today, I'm coming to you from Giggleswick in North Yorkshire.

Ha-ha! It's funny because...

It's nice but there is literally nothing funny

about this place at all.

Anyway, if I'm in Giggleswick, where are my Remotely Funny players?

Who's up first?

It's Megan. Hello, Megan.

THEY ALL CHEER

Hi. I'm Megan from Fife. And I love my dog Charlie.

This is my mum. She is really clumsy and always falling over.

My dad snores so loudly, he sometimes wakes himself up.

My little sister Lucy is into gymnastics.

And my brother James plays the clarinet and he loves olives.

Megan, let's hear your slogan.

Megan is mega.

Ooh, Megan is mega. What makes you mega?

I am very funny and very troublesome.

What makes you troublesome?

I annoy my brother and sister a lot.

I do the same. Welcome. Let's see who you are up against.

It's David. Megan's team, say hello to David's gang.

MEGAN'S TEAM: Hi!

Hi, I'm David and this is my family from Hertfordshire.

I love playing football and I've been playing since I was four,

and this is one of the trophies I have. This is my sister.

She loves playing the piano and she also loves chocolate.

This is my mum - she is very kind and caring.

And this is my dad, the brainiest and strongest.

ALL: Hoooooo-rray!

Yes, I like that. Classic. What is your family motto?

In time of the test, our family is the best.

Ooh, that's beautiful. Finally, it's Naiara.

Everybody say hello to Naiara's team. ALL: Hi.

Hi, my name is Naiara, and I'm from Edinburgh.

I love acting and unicorns. This is my mum.

She is an excellent swimmer. This is my dad.

He could snore for Scotland.

HE SNORES

This is one of my best friends, Kara.

She is very fast, and excellent fun.

Naiara, you say you love unicorns.

How are you going to express your love for them today?

# Dance like a unicorn! #

Oh. I want to do it too.

Put your hand up here and put your other hand as a tail,

and then you...kind of...

Yeah, everyone do it.

# Dance like a unicorn!

# Dance like a unicorn!

# A unicorn. # What does a unicorn say?

THEY WHINNY

Probably not that.

Well, let's see what one of you might be walking away with today.

It's the Remotely Funny hoodie, of course.

Win this, and you join one very exclusive club.

Give yourself a head start in life, and win this hoodie today.

It's time to play Remotely Funny Families.

I love the living room

because it means that parental humiliation is about to take place.

Today, we are playing The Parent Trap.

Have your parents got any wrapping skills?

Eeny meeny miny moe, other teams got to go.

Ooh. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh.

I'm sorry, it's wrapping, as in paper, not like rapping rapping.

My bad.

Aim of the game is to wrap a parent as fast as you can.

Wrap your present expertly from head to toe,

and you will get three samojis.

Get all three bows on, and you will get a bonus samoji.

If the presents are wrapped well enough, I'm happy to

pay for shipping to send your mum and dad to a faraway place.

SHIP HORN BLARES

Megan, who will you be putting under the tree and why?

My mum. Because she is small.

Takes up less wrapping paper. Cheaper. Well, David, how about you?

Who is going under?

-My dad.

-Ooh!

SHE LAUGHS

OK, cool. Naiara, who are you wrapping up and why?

My dad. He is very good at taking instructions.

Wise.

I like that. Good man. OK, get into position. I need a starfish.

You have 60 seconds on the clock. Three, two, one. Get wrapping!

Now, yeah.

I might take you home for my parents.

They love presents from my holidays.

Once covered, get those bows on.

Remember, you might get bonus samojis if you manage

to get those bows on.

OK, Naiara, I see that you have some action going there,

and, David, ooh, OK.

Don't forget the arms. Do not get the arms, or the head.

Remember, you have a limited amount of time.

Oh, wow.

It's like you are at the tailors.

Eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

Time's up. Stop wrapping. KLAXON BLARES

Megan, did you manage to get any bows on?

One up here, one down there, and one at the side.

Nice. David, let's have a look at your present.

-And it's badly wrapped.

-Did you get any did you get any those on?

-Yeah, two.

-Two. Nice.

Well, let's move on to Naiara. What was it like wrapping your dad up?

I loved it. Naiara's present, are you an expensive gift?

-I was very expensive, yes.

-Any bows there?

One on the leg, and two here.

Wonderful, wow.

Three samojis go to Naiara for best wrapped present.

THEY CHEER # Dance like a unicorn, dance like a unicorn... #

And that one extra samoji from getting all three

bows on goes to Megan and Naiara.

THEY CHEER

I'm ready for a bonus samoji. Fetch your whiteboards, please.

I've got a game that has been described as innovative,

ground-breaking, brave.

Let's play Guess How Much It Holds.

Clue is in the title. The closest wins. Confer with your teams.

So, guess how much it holds.

It's a kettle full of cheese balls.

Write your answer on the whiteboard and don't show it to me yet.

After three, I want you to turn your board around

and shout out your answer.

One, two, three.

78.

195.

50. Depending on the size of the cheese balls as well.

Mm, true. Well, let's see how much it actually is.

533.

Which means Megan wins. It's a samoji love-in.

David's team have yet to score.

Megan is off the mark with two samojis.

And our early leader is Naiara with four samojis. Let's move.

I want you to move to the bathroom, like you're a sheep

and you are being herded by a farmer.

It is time for Toilet Takedown. Let's go.

SHE BAAS

SHE BAAS

HE BAAS

SHE BAAS

TOILET FLUSHES

Hey, here we are in the good old dunny.

I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to write your answers

on the closest thing to paper, which in the bathroom, is the loo roll.

You'll have ten seconds to answer the question.

You can grab your toilet paper. Here comes the question.

How many kilos of toilet roll does the average British person

flush down the toilet in a year?

Write down your answers don't show me yet.

KLAXON BLARES OK, pens down.

Megan, what did you write?

1000.6.

Oh, that is very specific. David, what about you?

-Five kilos.

-OK. Naiara, what about you?

19 million.

19 million kilograms of toilet paper. Nice.

Well, the correct answer is..

17.6 kilos,

which means David, you got the closest, you get three samojis.

DAVID CHEERS

It's time for the race of the century in Wind-Up Warriors.

The toy that travels the furthest will be crowned the winner.

Let's take a look at today's contenders.

It's time for Rodent Rampage.

It's a rat race of the highest level.

Former titleholders of Splat The Rat

and the Drainpipe Championships,

please welcome black rat, grey rat, and brown rat.

First Rattus rattus off the board wins.

But who will be eating their weight in floorboards

and who will be caught by pest control?

You decide in Rodent Rampage.

Naiara, you're in the top spot for now,

so you get to pick your toy first.

What rat are you going for, and why?

I'm going for the brown rat

because it looked faster than the others.

OK. David, you are in second spot.

Who have you gone for and why?

The black rat because it was the first rat.

Megan, that means you get the grey rat.

What do you think the grey rat has the other rats don't have?

-Turbo speed.

-Well, we'll see about that.

Let's see who winds up the winner. Get your teams in full support.

Team in.

Dun-dun-dun, baby's here.

Let's see who wins.

THEY ALL SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT

Get ready.

Three, two, one, go!

Let's watch that again.

THEY CHEER

Yes! Congratulations, Megan. Three samojis for you.

You know what? I'm in the mood to play Guess How Much It Holds.

The clue is in the title, the closest wins.

Confer with your teams, so, guess how much it holds.

Yes, it is a trainer filled with toothbrushes. Why not?

Write your answer on the whiteboard and don't show it to me yet.

All right.

Megan, what do you have?

24.

-David?

-15.

Nearly?

35.

Well, let's look how much it actually is.

And I can reveal, dun-da-da-dun, da-da-da!

44.

The samoji goes to Naiara.

# Dance like a unicorn, dance like a unicorn. #

Congratulations. SHE SNIFFS

Smells rather tooth-brushy.

Samoji collection time.

THEY CHEER

Move, my friends, to the kitchen.

Right, this is your moment to be funnier than me for once.

Tell me your favourite joke.

What do you call a dinosaur crossed with a book?

What do you call that?

Thesaurus.

Oh! OK, I can deal with that. Nice, nice.

-Why did the toilet roll down the hill?

-Why?

To get to the bathroom.

Oh, nice.

-What you called cheese that isn't yours?

-What do you call that?

-Nacho cheese!

-Oh!

-Nacho cheese!

Nacho cheese. Nice.

I can't top that, I'm not even going to try.

Today's show is sponsored by ruskeakastike,

the king of condiments.

Welcome to Kitchen Lolympics,

the perfect platform for anyone who has been told to stop

messing around in the kitchen.

I salute you. Today's sport is Let's Bounce.

I said, let's bounce.

So, three samojis to the team

who can get the most ping-pong balls in the basket,

and the balls must bounce at least once on the surface in front of you.

There is also a sweet golden bonus ball moment.

Get that in and you will win three extra samojis.

Who are my basketheads today and why?

Megan, who's going to be your baskethead? Why him?

Because the basket fits best on him.

David, who is going to be your baskethead and why?

My dad, because he can stay still.

That's good. Naiara, who's going to be the baskethead?

My mum, because she is agile.

Teams, are we ready?

Yes. Baskets on and get into position.

Let's bounce.

Go!

Remember, get as many balls as possible.

I see that Naiara's team is going in hard.

Oh, my goodness, there's so many balls in there already.

Good job, everyone, good job, good job, good job.

Oh, I see David is really... David is getting those balls in as well.

And you thought the microwave would be the only thing

ping-pinging in this kitchen.

Keep it going, keep it going.

I see that Naiara's basket is overflowing with balls.

Seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one.

KLAXON SOUNDS Stop throwing.

It's the big moment. Team captains, grab the golden ball.

Megan, you go first.

ALL: Oh!

Sorry, Megan. David, it's your turn.

Oh!

Too bad. Naiara, you're the last hope.

It's your golden throw. Go ahead.

THEY CHEER

Congratulations, Naiara.

# Dance like a unicorn Dance like a unicorn. #

Come forth, and count the balls for me.

-Six, seven...

-..Eight, nine...

10, 11...

16.

-14.

-23.

The winner is Naiara with 23 balls.

You also got the golden ball, so that is three extra

samojis for you, Naiara. # Dance like a unicorn. #

You cleaned up in Let's Bounce. Nice.

Let's play Guess How Much It Holds.

You already know how it goes by now. So...

Guess how much it holds.

It's a swimming cap full of dog treats.

I just found this laying around. Weird.

So write your answer on the whiteboard

and don't show it to me yet.

It's full to the brim.

KLAXON SOUNDS Time's up.

Megan, what do you have?

500.

David?

-600.

-Naiara?

275.

Well, let's see how much it actually holds.

607 dog treats.

That means samojis for David's team.

ALL: Hurray.

So, where does that leave us on the samoji scoreboard?

# Dance like a unicorn Danced like a unicorn. #

Well, I've had enough of making mischief.

Ready to get real, real nervous.

To the bedroom. It's the decider.

This game is called Say What You Seemojis.

Look at my samojis and tell me what they're meant to represent.

First person to buzz in and answer correctly wins two samojis.

Now, go get your buzzers.

Ah, David is back first.

David, what did you bring me and what kind of sound does it make?

It's my baby brother's bath toys.

Megan? What do you have?

It's a pencil case.

Wonderful. Naiara, what do you have?

An old-fashioned hotel bell.

Can you test it out for me?

Start the clock.

It's the capital of France.

BELL RINGS Naiara.

Paris.

Wonderful. Next one. It's a song by Little Mix.

-David.

-Shout Out To My Ex.

-Wonderful.

Next one, it's an animated movie with characters

with brightly coloured hair.

-Naiara.

-Trolls.

Yes, next one.

It's something you might say when you get something right.

-David.

-Nailed it.

Not quite right. Megan, what is it?

-Nailed it.

-No, that was hit the nail on the head.

Next one.

OK, it is a TV show with metal characters called Shunt and Matilda.

KLAXON Time up.

No-one got it, it was Robot Wars.

That's it. Get your team is back in the room.

Up in my room.

I can reveal...

Da-la-da-la-da-la-la-da-la!

Today's Remotely Funny winner is...

Naiara.

Congratulations, Naiara.

Naiara, I'll be sending you a highly prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

David and Megan, you don't go home empty-handed.

We'll be sending you a money- can't-buy Remotely Funny cap

from our sponsor.

Put them on.

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike,

the king of condiments.

Big thank you to David, Megan, and Naiara,

and your teams for letting us use your homes for first-class chaos.

You've been immense, it's been remote,

-and with all been pretty funny. Take it away, David.

-Play the music.

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-h, yeah!

-# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

-Whoo, whoo!

-# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

-Whoo, whoo!

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na... # Bye!

-# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na

-Whoo, whoo!

# O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh, yeah! #