Trump Street Remotely Funny

Would you rather give up chips or pizza? Chips, obviously.

Would you rather have a dog with a cat's personality

or a cat with a dog's personality?

Oh...

Oh, hi! I was just, erm...

On today's Remotely Funny...

SCREAMING

Cat-dog, dog-cat...

Still no idea.

That's a weird level of info for a UK passport application.

Welcome to Remotely Funny.

Hey, everyone, I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

the game show that sees me fly into your homes

and make complete and utter fools of your parents.

After travelling the world in search of the finest Scotch eggs,

I've decided that the UK's the place for me.

And today, I'm coming to you from Trump Street in London.

SHE FARTS

Ooh! Well, when in Rome.

It's topical, because everyone trumps now and then.

Anyway, if I'm in Trump Street, where are my Remotely Funny players?

Who's up first?

It's Rhys! Hello, Rhys!

-ALL:

-Yay!

Hi, I'm Rhys. I'm the only one that can solve a puzzle cube.

This is my mum.

She cooks crazy things like beetroot cake.

This is my friend Morgan. He is so funny cos of his faces.

And this is my dad, Tim.

He is really bad at football, and... Ow!

SAARA LAUGHS

Rhys, why should the other teams be scared of you today?

Cos we're brainy, and we can solve any sort of puzzle cube.

Hmm, well, so you're the brains. Who's the beauty in the team?

SAARA LAUGHS

I love that you pointed yourself out first. Nice.

Can I hear some team spirit? Do you have a chant?

-ALL:

-Cube boys! Cube boys!

Wonderful! Well, let's see who you're up against.

It's Lucy! Rhys team, say hello to Lucy's gang.

-ALL:

-Hello!

Hi, I'm Lucy, and I'm the team captain, and I'm from Surrey,

and I'm obsessed with unicorns.

-This is my mum.

-Hello!

And she likes to wake up in strange places.

This is Stephanie,

and she LOVES puppies.

TOY DOG BARKS

-And this is Stephanie's mum.

-Hello!

-And she likes to dance.

-Whoop whoop!

I'm loving the tie-dye. Can I hear your team slogan?

-ALL:

-Luuuuuucy!

Nice! Well, Lucy's team, you look tough.

But why do you think you can send the other teams down to Losertown?

Girl power!

Yay!

Girl power works. I wonder who you're playing against today.

Hmm...

Who could it be?

It's only Paddy and Matt from Got What It Takes!

-Hi, I'm Paddy.

-I'm Matt.

-And we are Team...

-..Pitch-Black.

This is my mum, Diane,

and she likes to watch really cheesy films with bad actors.

That's my mum, Katie, and she loves to sing.

Well, she thinks she can sing,

and she likes to make a mean bacon sarnie.

And this is Josh, Matt's brother -

his twin brother - and he's really good at the drums.

And he can also boast a tune out wherever he is.

Paddy and Matt's mum, tell me what it's like having famous kids.

It's all right them being famous,

but Matthew still doesn't tidy up his room,

make his bed, put the dishes in the dishwasher,

you know what I mean?

-Still no respect, I see.

-No respect.

-Mmm!

Well, I need some dirt from the mums. Any embarrassing stories?

Paddy used to like running around the house

with his underpants on his head, thinking he was Spider-Man.

LAUGHTER

Interesting.

That reminds me about something we might be doing later, actually.

So I would like to see your team celebration when I give you samojis.

-ALL:

-It's a win!

-Whoo!

You look like a well-organised group of contenders.

Thank you are joining me in Trump Street.

So let me tell you what one of you could be winning today.

It's the Remotely Funny hoodie, of course! Ah!

CHEERING

Win this, and you'll never want to take it off.

Make yourself the hometown legend by being victorious today.

What are we waiting for? It's time to play Remotely Funny Families.

CHEERING

We're about to live it up in the living room.

This is exactly what Professor Ernest Living had in mind

when he invented the lounge.

LAUGHTER I made that up.

Today's game is called Do, Wear, Shout.

Clue's in the name. I'm going to give you three instructions.

The first one will be a doing thing,

the second thing will be something you need to wear,

and the third will be a word you need to shout.

All at the same time.

Now, first team all back,

doing wearing and shouting all three things,

will win super samojis.

And maybe I'll give you a bonus samoji, if you're lucky.

Is everyone ready?

-ALL:

-Yeah!

Wonderful. Your Do, Wear and Shout things are...

Do - hop like a rabbit,

wear - a pillow on your head,

and shout - "David Beckham!"

Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go!

You need to hop like a rabbit with a pillow on your head...

Oh, my goodness, cushions!

It has to be pillows, not cushions!

Pillows, not cushions!

Nice!

Oh, and Rhys's team!

KLAXON BLARES

It is tight, it was tight.

So Rhys's team was the only team to come with pillows.

Paddy and Matt's team and Lucy's team came with cushions,

which was not my instruction!

Which means, well done, Rhys's team. One samoji for you.

CHEERING

20 more rounds to go. It's all right.

Your next Do, Wear, Shout things are...

Do - pretend to ride a horse,

wear - pants on your head,

and shout - "Glob, glob! Glob, glob!"

Go, go, go, go, go, go! Off you go.

Try and find clean pants.

Paddy and Matt's team have tactics.

They're sending someone else to fetch the stuff.

HORSE WHINNIES

In the meanwhile, they're just riding a horse.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Oh!

It was close!

SHOUTING

Ah!

You guys look really funny.

It was very close,

but Rhys's team was back first doing all three things.

Paddy and Matt, you brought trousers, not pants.

Underwear!

Pants!

So American of you!

Your last Do, Wear, Shout things are...

Do - disco dance,

wear - a shoe in one hand,

and shout - "Doughnut face!"

Disco dance, shoes in hands...

Oh!

SHOUTING

Paddy and Matt started their dancing first...

..so one samoji for Paddy and Matt's team.

CHEERING

Well, you all looked ridiculous.

The Lord of Cringe is looking down on us today.

So, Paddy and Matt, fancy winning an extra samoji?

-Yes.

-It's time to play...

..Home Truths!

I want you to stand back-to-back and write your answer on the whiteboard.

And don't show anyone.

Here comes the question. Paddy...

who is Matt's celebrity crush?

If you give me the same answer, you get the samoji.

I'm terrible at spelling.

After three, I want you to reveal your answers,

and shout them out loud, OK?

DRUM ROLL One, two, three, reveal!

-Selena Gomez!

-Cara Delevingne!

Oh!

I'm sorry, guys.

Didn't have the same answer,

which means you missed the chance to get the bonus samoji.

And now we all know who your celebrity crush is.

You're welcome.

Samoji alert!

Lucy has yet to score, but it's early days,

Paddy and Matt are on one samoji...

CHEERING

..and Rhys takes an early lead with two samojis.

I can't explain it. I'm just feeling festive today.

I want to say as many words relating to Christmas you can remember.

I'll start. Christmas dinner!

Turkey...

-Mashed potatoes...

-Christmas tree.

-Presents, Santa...

Actually, I hate Christmas.

It's time for Toilet Takedown!

I'm going to ask you a question,

and I want you to write down your answers

on the closest thing to paper,

which in the bathroom is toilet paper.

You will have 10 seconds to answer the question.

Here it is.

The world record for the largest curry

is held by chefs in Singapore, but how many tonnes did it weigh?

The largest curry in the world, how much did it weigh?

Does everyone have an answer?

KLAXON BLARES

-ALL:

-Yeah.

-Wonderful. Rhys, what do you have?

-20.

-What about you, Lucy?

-1,000.

And Paddy and Matt?

50 tonnes.

The correct answer...

is 15.34 tonnes.

-So Rhys, you got the closest. Three samojis to Rhys!

-Yes!

Are you ready for the race of the century?

It's Wind-Up Warriors.

The toy that travels the furthest will be crowned the winner.

Let's take a look at today's contenders.

It's Monkey Mayhem!

These champion chimps want nothing more

than to be a prize-winning primate.

Ready to race after months of eating clean

and training dirty, they mean monkey business.

It's time to go bananas in Monkey Mayhem!

Rhys, you're the leader now, so you get to pick your toy first.

-Is it going to be A, B or C?

-B.

Because it's quite... It looks light.

Well, Paddy and Matt, you're in second place.

Who have you gone for and why?

-C.

-No, I think A.

Come on!

One, two, three, go!

-C.

-C.

That's a way to do it.

-All I can say is fate will make us win.

-Yeah.

Lucy, that means you're left with Monkey A.

-What chances do you think Monkey A has?

-I don't know.

We'll see about it.

Now, call your teams to the bathroom!

Let's see who winds up the winner.

Three, two, one, go!

Monkey C. Congratulations, Paddy and Matt.

-BOTH:

-Yay!

-Three samojis for Paddy and Matt's team.

-Yes!

C you later.

-Hey, Rhys. It's your chance for a little something extra.

-Yes!

Let's play...

..Home Truths.

Rhys, your question is...

What is your mum's favourite food?

Write your answer on the whiteboard, and no cheating here.

If you both give me the same answer, you get the point.

After three, show me your answer, and shout it out.

One, two, three, go!

-Avocado!

-Courgettes and mushrooms!

No! Not the same answer!

Sorry, Rhys, no samoji for you.

Let's check in with the samoji scoreboard.

Lucy is saving everything for the next game.

Paddy and Matt have moved on to four samojis,

and Rhys is still in the lead with five samojis.

CHEERING

Cube boys!

Today's show is sponsored by ruskeakastike gravy,

a forgotten food for a reason.

To the kitchen!

Important question -

would you rather shoot spaghetti out of your fingers or sneeze meatballs?

Meatballs out the nose!

Oh, that would hurt.

Sneeze out spaghetti!

No, sneeze out meatballs.

Spaghetti out of my fingers, because...

-it might hurt if you do the other thing.

-Yeah.

Hide the snacks. It's time for Kitchen Lolympics.

Fetch your cereal. It's time to play Kitchen Combat.

The team that fills their bowl with the most cereal wins three samojis,

but this won't be quite as easy as it sounds.

This is combat, after all,

so the chosen player will be wearing boxing gloves.

You have to try and tear your boxes rather than punch them.

Team captains, who have you chosen?

-Rhys, who do you have?

-Dad.

Why is your dad up for the task?

Because he has got a big belly.

LAUGHTER

Lucy, what about you?

-My mum!

-Nice.

Does your mum have experience in this?

No.

OK! Paddy and Matt, how about your team? Who's going to do it?

-Oh...Matt.

-Me.

Ah, wonderful. Are my contenders ready?

Get your gloves on.

Limber up and show me some moves!

Come on, Dad!

Yeah!

Fighting spirit!

In the blue corner, we have Rhys's dad.

CHEERING

Cube boys! Cube boys!

And in the red corner, we have Lucy's mum.

CHEERING

And in the yellow corner, we have Matt.

Yeah!

The gloves are on! Let's get ready to rumble!

Go!

BELL RINGS

Come on, come on, guys!

It's going to be tough, I'm telling you, it's not going to be easy.

You can't give up. This is important!

Lucy, you need all the samojis you can get.

Lucy's mum, please don't let her down!

I see that Rhys's dad is really going in.

Has anyone got any actual cereal in the bowls?

Come on, Dad! Come on!

Paddy and Matt do.

Ooh! Lucy's team is actually doing really great.

Great, Lucy's team. Keep on fighting. Keep on fighting.

Come on, Dad!

Right to the front from the forehands!

I've got it, I've got it!

Nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three,

two, one...

stop! Time's up.

BELL RINGS

Float like a butterfly, sting like a...

cornflake? I think that's the saying.

Now, Rhys, can I see your bowl?

OK, good. It's looking good. Lucy, can I see your bowl?

Nice, nice.

Paddy and Matt?

Matt, how do you think you did?

I think I did pretty good, you know?

Yeah. I've done this before, do it on my weekends. Yeah. Every morning.

Wakes me up! Wakes me up, you know, gets me ready for the day.

I like that. Lucy, how about you? How do you think you guys did?

-Good.

-We've done amazing!

Yes. I think it was pretty great, actually.

And Rhys's team, how did you do?

I think we did really well.

Heavyweight cereal champion is...

Lucy! Three samojis to your team!

Yay!

Just edged ahead.

-ALL:

-Lucy!

Sharesies! Let me have some sweet cereal. Bring it to the screen!

Thank you, Lucy.

Mmm!

It's a medley. I've really worked up a sweat here.

Let's play Home Truths!

Lucy and Mum, I want you to stand back-to-back,

and write your answer on the whiteboard. Here is your question.

Lucy, if your mum was an emoji, which emoji would she be?

If you both give me the same answer, you get an extra samoji.

One, two, three, reveal!

-Yes!

-Smiling!

-Laughing!

Oh!

Not EXACTLY the same!

Sorry, you missed your extra samoji.

So, where does that leave us?

It's getting close.

Lucy is up and running on three samojis.

CHEERING

Paddy and Matt are still on four samojis.

CHEERING

And Rhys stands firm with five samojis.

CHEERING

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Paddy, it's your house, so you'll be taking on The Decider.

-Come on, Paddy!

-Go, Paddy!

Now, to your bedrooms, and don't try and hide under the bed!

It's your final chance to win big.

It's The Decider.

Rhys, come on.

-CHANTING:

-Paddy, Paddy, Paddy!

This game is called Say What You See-Mojis.

Look at my samojis, and tell me what they're meant to represent.

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly wins two samojis.

Now, show me your buzzers.

Lucy, what did you bring, and what kind of sound does it make?

It's a whistle.

BLOWS WHISTLE

Nice. Rhys, what about you?

What do you have, and what kind of sound does it make?

I've got a tin and a pen.

Oh, nice. Tribal!

Paddy, what about you?

Pan and a big spoon.

It's nice. We have 60 seconds on the clock. Deep breath.

Focus.

Start the clock! First one.

It's a cartoon with characters called Suzy Sheep and Mr Elephant.

Paddy.

Peppa Pig!

Yes! Here comes the next one.

It's a trend. You got to land it upright.

Rhys!

Is it bottle flip?

Yes! Next one.

It's an animated movie set in a city. The main star is a...

Oh! Lucy.

-Zootopia.

-Yes!

Here comes the next one.

It's a song by Ed Sheeran.

Paddy!

Castle on the Hill.

Yes, well done. Last chance.

It's a type of food from the sea.

Rhys.

Oh, I can't remember.

Anyone, anyone else?

Lucy.

-Shellfish.

-Yes, Lucy, there you go!

Wonderful, wonderful! That's it! Get your teams back in the room.

Come on, team!

I can reveal...

SHE HUMS A DRUM ROLL

..today's Remotely Funny winner is...

..Paddy and Matt!

Congratulations, Paddy and Matt!

CHEERING

Paddy and Matt, I will be sending you both

a highly-prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

Rhys and Lucy, you don't go home empty-handed.

We will be sending you a money-can't-buy Remotely Funny cap

from our sponsor.

Put them on!

Yeah!

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike gravy,

a forgotten food for a reason.

Big thank you to Rhys, Lucy, and Paddy and Matt,

and your teams, for letting us treat your home like a farmyard.

Special thanks to Paddy and Matt for coming along.

You've been immense, it's been remote,

and we've all been pretty funny.

Take it away, Rhys!

Hit the music!

Whoo!

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

-ALL:

-Bye!

-Bye, guys!