Trump Street Remotely Funny


Trump Street

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Transcript


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Would you rather give up chips or pizza? Chips, obviously.

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Would you rather have a dog with a cat's personality

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or a cat with a dog's personality?

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Oh...

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Oh, hi! I was just, erm...

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On today's Remotely Funny...

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SCREAMING

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Cat-dog, dog-cat...

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Still no idea.

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That's a weird level of info for a UK passport application.

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Welcome to Remotely Funny.

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Hey, everyone, I'm Saara, and this is Remotely Funny,

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the game show that sees me fly into your homes

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and make complete and utter fools of your parents.

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After travelling the world in search of the finest Scotch eggs,

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I've decided that the UK's the place for me.

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And today, I'm coming to you from Trump Street in London.

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SHE FARTS

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Ooh! Well, when in Rome.

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It's topical, because everyone trumps now and then.

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Anyway, if I'm in Trump Street, where are my Remotely Funny players?

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Who's up first?

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It's Rhys! Hello, Rhys!

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-ALL:

-Yay!

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Hi, I'm Rhys. I'm the only one that can solve a puzzle cube.

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This is my mum.

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She cooks crazy things like beetroot cake.

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This is my friend Morgan. He is so funny cos of his faces.

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And this is my dad, Tim.

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He is really bad at football, and... Ow!

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SAARA LAUGHS

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Rhys, why should the other teams be scared of you today?

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Cos we're brainy, and we can solve any sort of puzzle cube.

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Hmm, well, so you're the brains. Who's the beauty in the team?

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SAARA LAUGHS

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I love that you pointed yourself out first. Nice.

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Can I hear some team spirit? Do you have a chant?

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-ALL:

-Cube boys! Cube boys!

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Wonderful! Well, let's see who you're up against.

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It's Lucy! Rhys team, say hello to Lucy's gang.

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-ALL:

-Hello!

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Hi, I'm Lucy, and I'm the team captain, and I'm from Surrey,

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and I'm obsessed with unicorns.

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-This is my mum.

-Hello!

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And she likes to wake up in strange places.

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This is Stephanie,

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and she LOVES puppies.

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TOY DOG BARKS

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-And this is Stephanie's mum.

-Hello!

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-And she likes to dance.

-Whoop whoop!

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I'm loving the tie-dye. Can I hear your team slogan?

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-ALL:

-Luuuuuucy!

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Nice! Well, Lucy's team, you look tough.

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But why do you think you can send the other teams down to Losertown?

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Girl power!

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Yay!

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Girl power works. I wonder who you're playing against today.

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Hmm...

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Who could it be?

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It's only Paddy and Matt from Got What It Takes!

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-Hi, I'm Paddy.

-I'm Matt.

-And we are Team...

-..Pitch-Black.

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This is my mum, Diane,

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and she likes to watch really cheesy films with bad actors.

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That's my mum, Katie, and she loves to sing.

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Well, she thinks she can sing,

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and she likes to make a mean bacon sarnie.

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And this is Josh, Matt's brother -

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his twin brother - and he's really good at the drums.

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And he can also boast a tune out wherever he is.

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Paddy and Matt's mum, tell me what it's like having famous kids.

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It's all right them being famous,

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but Matthew still doesn't tidy up his room,

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make his bed, put the dishes in the dishwasher,

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you know what I mean?

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-Still no respect, I see.

-No respect.

-Mmm!

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Well, I need some dirt from the mums. Any embarrassing stories?

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Paddy used to like running around the house

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with his underpants on his head, thinking he was Spider-Man.

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LAUGHTER

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Interesting.

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That reminds me about something we might be doing later, actually.

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So I would like to see your team celebration when I give you samojis.

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-ALL:

-It's a win!

-Whoo!

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You look like a well-organised group of contenders.

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Thank you are joining me in Trump Street.

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So let me tell you what one of you could be winning today.

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It's the Remotely Funny hoodie, of course! Ah!

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CHEERING

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Win this, and you'll never want to take it off.

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Make yourself the hometown legend by being victorious today.

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What are we waiting for? It's time to play Remotely Funny Families.

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CHEERING

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We're about to live it up in the living room.

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This is exactly what Professor Ernest Living had in mind

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when he invented the lounge.

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LAUGHTER I made that up.

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Today's game is called Do, Wear, Shout.

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Clue's in the name. I'm going to give you three instructions.

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The first one will be a doing thing,

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the second thing will be something you need to wear,

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and the third will be a word you need to shout.

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All at the same time.

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Now, first team all back,

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doing wearing and shouting all three things,

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will win super samojis.

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And maybe I'll give you a bonus samoji, if you're lucky.

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Is everyone ready?

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-ALL:

-Yeah!

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Wonderful. Your Do, Wear and Shout things are...

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Do - hop like a rabbit,

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wear - a pillow on your head,

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and shout - "David Beckham!"

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Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go!

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You need to hop like a rabbit with a pillow on your head...

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Oh, my goodness, cushions!

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It has to be pillows, not cushions!

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Pillows, not cushions!

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Nice!

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Oh, and Rhys's team!

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KLAXON BLARES

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It is tight, it was tight.

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So Rhys's team was the only team to come with pillows.

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Paddy and Matt's team and Lucy's team came with cushions,

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which was not my instruction!

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Which means, well done, Rhys's team. One samoji for you.

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CHEERING

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20 more rounds to go. It's all right.

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Your next Do, Wear, Shout things are...

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Do - pretend to ride a horse,

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wear - pants on your head,

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and shout - "Glob, glob! Glob, glob!"

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Go, go, go, go, go, go! Off you go.

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Try and find clean pants.

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Paddy and Matt's team have tactics.

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They're sending someone else to fetch the stuff.

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HORSE WHINNIES

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In the meanwhile, they're just riding a horse.

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Oh, oh, oh, oh!

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Oh!

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It was close!

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SHOUTING

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Ah!

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You guys look really funny.

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It was very close,

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but Rhys's team was back first doing all three things.

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Paddy and Matt, you brought trousers, not pants.

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Underwear!

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Pants!

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So American of you!

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Your last Do, Wear, Shout things are...

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Do - disco dance,

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wear - a shoe in one hand,

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and shout - "Doughnut face!"

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Disco dance, shoes in hands...

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Oh!

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SHOUTING

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Paddy and Matt started their dancing first...

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..so one samoji for Paddy and Matt's team.

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CHEERING

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Well, you all looked ridiculous.

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The Lord of Cringe is looking down on us today.

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So, Paddy and Matt, fancy winning an extra samoji?

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-Yes.

-It's time to play...

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..Home Truths!

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I want you to stand back-to-back and write your answer on the whiteboard.

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And don't show anyone.

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Here comes the question. Paddy...

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who is Matt's celebrity crush?

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If you give me the same answer, you get the samoji.

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I'm terrible at spelling.

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After three, I want you to reveal your answers,

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and shout them out loud, OK?

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DRUM ROLL One, two, three, reveal!

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-Selena Gomez!

-Cara Delevingne!

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Oh!

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I'm sorry, guys.

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Didn't have the same answer,

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which means you missed the chance to get the bonus samoji.

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And now we all know who your celebrity crush is.

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You're welcome.

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Samoji alert!

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Lucy has yet to score, but it's early days,

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Paddy and Matt are on one samoji...

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CHEERING

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..and Rhys takes an early lead with two samojis.

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I can't explain it. I'm just feeling festive today.

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I want to say as many words relating to Christmas you can remember.

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I'll start. Christmas dinner!

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Turkey...

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-Mashed potatoes...

-Christmas tree.

-Presents, Santa...

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Actually, I hate Christmas.

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It's time for Toilet Takedown!

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I'm going to ask you a question,

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and I want you to write down your answers

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on the closest thing to paper,

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which in the bathroom is toilet paper.

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You will have 10 seconds to answer the question.

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Here it is.

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The world record for the largest curry

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is held by chefs in Singapore, but how many tonnes did it weigh?

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The largest curry in the world, how much did it weigh?

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Does everyone have an answer?

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KLAXON BLARES

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-ALL:

-Yeah.

-Wonderful. Rhys, what do you have?

-20.

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-What about you, Lucy?

-1,000.

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And Paddy and Matt?

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50 tonnes.

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The correct answer...

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is 15.34 tonnes.

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-So Rhys, you got the closest. Three samojis to Rhys!

-Yes!

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Are you ready for the race of the century?

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It's Wind-Up Warriors.

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The toy that travels the furthest will be crowned the winner.

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Let's take a look at today's contenders.

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It's Monkey Mayhem!

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These champion chimps want nothing more

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than to be a prize-winning primate.

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Ready to race after months of eating clean

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and training dirty, they mean monkey business.

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It's time to go bananas in Monkey Mayhem!

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Rhys, you're the leader now, so you get to pick your toy first.

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-Is it going to be A, B or C?

-B.

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Because it's quite... It looks light.

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Well, Paddy and Matt, you're in second place.

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Who have you gone for and why?

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-C.

-No, I think A.

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Come on!

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One, two, three, go!

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-C.

-C.

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That's a way to do it.

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-All I can say is fate will make us win.

-Yeah.

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Lucy, that means you're left with Monkey A.

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-What chances do you think Monkey A has?

-I don't know.

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We'll see about it.

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Now, call your teams to the bathroom!

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Let's see who winds up the winner.

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Three, two, one, go!

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Monkey C. Congratulations, Paddy and Matt.

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-BOTH:

-Yay!

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-Three samojis for Paddy and Matt's team.

-Yes!

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C you later.

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-Hey, Rhys. It's your chance for a little something extra.

-Yes!

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Let's play...

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..Home Truths.

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Rhys, your question is...

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What is your mum's favourite food?

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Write your answer on the whiteboard, and no cheating here.

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If you both give me the same answer, you get the point.

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After three, show me your answer, and shout it out.

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One, two, three, go!

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-Avocado!

-Courgettes and mushrooms!

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No! Not the same answer!

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Sorry, Rhys, no samoji for you.

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Let's check in with the samoji scoreboard.

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Lucy is saving everything for the next game.

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Paddy and Matt have moved on to four samojis,

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and Rhys is still in the lead with five samojis.

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CHEERING

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Cube boys!

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Today's show is sponsored by ruskeakastike gravy,

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a forgotten food for a reason.

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To the kitchen!

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Important question -

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would you rather shoot spaghetti out of your fingers or sneeze meatballs?

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Meatballs out the nose!

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Oh, that would hurt.

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Sneeze out spaghetti!

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No, sneeze out meatballs.

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Spaghetti out of my fingers, because...

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-it might hurt if you do the other thing.

-Yeah.

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Hide the snacks. It's time for Kitchen Lolympics.

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Fetch your cereal. It's time to play Kitchen Combat.

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The team that fills their bowl with the most cereal wins three samojis,

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but this won't be quite as easy as it sounds.

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This is combat, after all,

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so the chosen player will be wearing boxing gloves.

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You have to try and tear your boxes rather than punch them.

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Team captains, who have you chosen?

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-Rhys, who do you have?

-Dad.

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Why is your dad up for the task?

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Because he has got a big belly.

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LAUGHTER

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Lucy, what about you?

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-My mum!

-Nice.

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Does your mum have experience in this?

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No.

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OK! Paddy and Matt, how about your team? Who's going to do it?

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-Oh...Matt.

-Me.

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Ah, wonderful. Are my contenders ready?

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Get your gloves on.

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Limber up and show me some moves!

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Come on, Dad!

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Yeah!

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Fighting spirit!

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In the blue corner, we have Rhys's dad.

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CHEERING

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Cube boys! Cube boys!

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And in the red corner, we have Lucy's mum.

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CHEERING

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And in the yellow corner, we have Matt.

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Yeah!

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The gloves are on! Let's get ready to rumble!

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Go!

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BELL RINGS

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Come on, come on, guys!

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It's going to be tough, I'm telling you, it's not going to be easy.

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You can't give up. This is important!

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Lucy, you need all the samojis you can get.

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Lucy's mum, please don't let her down!

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I see that Rhys's dad is really going in.

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Has anyone got any actual cereal in the bowls?

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Come on, Dad! Come on!

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Paddy and Matt do.

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Ooh! Lucy's team is actually doing really great.

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Great, Lucy's team. Keep on fighting. Keep on fighting.

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Come on, Dad!

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Right to the front from the forehands!

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I've got it, I've got it!

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Nine, eight,

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seven, six, five,

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four, three,

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two, one...

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stop! Time's up.

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BELL RINGS

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Float like a butterfly, sting like a...

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cornflake? I think that's the saying.

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Now, Rhys, can I see your bowl?

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OK, good. It's looking good. Lucy, can I see your bowl?

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Nice, nice.

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Paddy and Matt?

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Matt, how do you think you did?

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I think I did pretty good, you know?

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Yeah. I've done this before, do it on my weekends. Yeah. Every morning.

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Wakes me up! Wakes me up, you know, gets me ready for the day.

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I like that. Lucy, how about you? How do you think you guys did?

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-Good.

-We've done amazing!

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Yes. I think it was pretty great, actually.

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And Rhys's team, how did you do?

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I think we did really well.

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Heavyweight cereal champion is...

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Lucy! Three samojis to your team!

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Yay!

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Just edged ahead.

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-ALL:

-Lucy!

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Sharesies! Let me have some sweet cereal. Bring it to the screen!

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Thank you, Lucy.

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Mmm!

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It's a medley. I've really worked up a sweat here.

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Let's play Home Truths!

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Lucy and Mum, I want you to stand back-to-back,

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and write your answer on the whiteboard. Here is your question.

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Lucy, if your mum was an emoji, which emoji would she be?

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If you both give me the same answer, you get an extra samoji.

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One, two, three, reveal!

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-Yes!

-Smiling!

-Laughing!

0:17:240:17:28

Oh!

0:17:280:17:29

Not EXACTLY the same!

0:17:290:17:31

Sorry, you missed your extra samoji.

0:17:310:17:33

So, where does that leave us?

0:17:330:17:35

It's getting close.

0:17:350:17:37

Lucy is up and running on three samojis.

0:17:370:17:40

CHEERING

0:17:400:17:42

Paddy and Matt are still on four samojis.

0:17:420:17:45

CHEERING

0:17:450:17:48

And Rhys stands firm with five samojis.

0:17:480:17:52

CHEERING

0:17:520:17:54

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

0:17:540:17:56

Paddy, it's your house, so you'll be taking on The Decider.

0:17:560:18:00

-Come on, Paddy!

-Go, Paddy!

0:18:000:18:02

Now, to your bedrooms, and don't try and hide under the bed!

0:18:020:18:05

It's your final chance to win big.

0:18:050:18:08

It's The Decider.

0:18:080:18:10

Rhys, come on.

0:18:130:18:15

-CHANTING:

-Paddy, Paddy, Paddy!

0:18:160:18:19

This game is called Say What You See-Mojis.

0:18:230:18:26

Look at my samojis, and tell me what they're meant to represent.

0:18:260:18:29

The first person to buzz in and answer correctly wins two samojis.

0:18:290:18:33

Now, show me your buzzers.

0:18:330:18:34

Lucy, what did you bring, and what kind of sound does it make?

0:18:390:18:42

It's a whistle.

0:18:420:18:44

BLOWS WHISTLE

0:18:440:18:45

Nice. Rhys, what about you?

0:18:450:18:46

What do you have, and what kind of sound does it make?

0:18:460:18:49

I've got a tin and a pen.

0:18:490:18:51

Oh, nice. Tribal!

0:18:510:18:53

Paddy, what about you?

0:18:530:18:55

Pan and a big spoon.

0:18:550:18:57

It's nice. We have 60 seconds on the clock. Deep breath.

0:18:580:19:02

Focus.

0:19:060:19:07

Start the clock! First one.

0:19:070:19:10

It's a cartoon with characters called Suzy Sheep and Mr Elephant.

0:19:100:19:14

Paddy.

0:19:140:19:15

Peppa Pig!

0:19:150:19:16

Yes! Here comes the next one.

0:19:160:19:18

It's a trend. You got to land it upright.

0:19:180:19:21

Rhys!

0:19:230:19:24

Is it bottle flip?

0:19:240:19:25

Yes! Next one.

0:19:250:19:28

It's an animated movie set in a city. The main star is a...

0:19:280:19:31

Oh! Lucy.

0:19:310:19:33

-Zootopia.

-Yes!

0:19:330:19:34

Here comes the next one.

0:19:340:19:35

It's a song by Ed Sheeran.

0:19:350:19:37

Paddy!

0:19:380:19:39

Castle on the Hill.

0:19:390:19:41

Yes, well done. Last chance.

0:19:410:19:43

It's a type of food from the sea.

0:19:430:19:45

Rhys.

0:19:450:19:47

Oh, I can't remember.

0:19:470:19:48

Anyone, anyone else?

0:19:480:19:50

Lucy.

0:19:500:19:51

-Shellfish.

-Yes, Lucy, there you go!

0:19:510:19:53

Wonderful, wonderful! That's it! Get your teams back in the room.

0:19:540:19:58

Come on, team!

0:20:000:20:01

I can reveal...

0:20:080:20:09

SHE HUMS A DRUM ROLL

0:20:090:20:15

..today's Remotely Funny winner is...

0:20:150:20:19

..Paddy and Matt!

0:20:270:20:28

Congratulations, Paddy and Matt!

0:20:280:20:30

CHEERING

0:20:300:20:33

Paddy and Matt, I will be sending you both

0:20:390:20:41

a highly-prized Remotely Funny hoodie.

0:20:410:20:43

Rhys and Lucy, you don't go home empty-handed.

0:20:460:20:49

We will be sending you a money-can't-buy Remotely Funny cap

0:20:490:20:52

from our sponsor.

0:20:520:20:53

Put them on!

0:20:530:20:54

Yeah!

0:20:580:20:59

Today's show was sponsored by ruskeakastike gravy,

0:20:590:21:03

a forgotten food for a reason.

0:21:030:21:05

Big thank you to Rhys, Lucy, and Paddy and Matt,

0:21:050:21:07

and your teams, for letting us treat your home like a farmyard.

0:21:070:21:11

Special thanks to Paddy and Matt for coming along.

0:21:110:21:13

You've been immense, it's been remote,

0:21:130:21:15

and we've all been pretty funny.

0:21:150:21:17

Take it away, Rhys!

0:21:170:21:19

Hit the music!

0:21:190:21:20

Whoo!

0:21:200:21:22

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

0:21:220:21:25

-ALL:

-Bye!

-Bye, guys!

0:21:450:21:47

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