Episode 3 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

Hello. I'm Richard, this is my top secret underground Blast Lab.

Nice to see you.

Oh, yeah - this. Don't worry about it, it's just that late last night something unnatural

lugged itself out of my nuclear tank over there and it ran off sort of in that direction.

I say ran - it was really more of a slithery limp.

Don't ask me what it was, but it was huge.

As long as it doesn't come back, here's what we'll be doing today.

Now one of the reasons I've managed to keep this place so secret

is that I have a crack team of SAS officers protecting it around the clock.

However they all stayed up late watching the Princess Diaries last night and slept in.

Luckily, my nanny's here and she learned ninjitsu from Jackie Chan's nan. It's my Ninja Nan.

Ninja Nan, thanks for standing in.

Yes, she may look fragile, but she's actually a fully trained ninja.

Nan, if you'd like to take your place in security. Oh!

If you'd like to take your place in security, please, Nan!

Playing up again.

OK, away you go. Speeds away.

I once saw my Ninja Nan beat Lewis Hamilton's fastest lap time at Silverstone without using a car.

Ninja Nan, are you settled in yet? Are you in your chair? Oh, there she is, look, she's...

Oh, she's... What's she getting this time?

Sandwiches, knitting... Oh, she's got her thermos out.

It'll be tea in there. She likes it strong.

When I say strong, I mean ninja strong, that stuff you can eat through steel.

Let's have a look at who's trying to get through security today.

There should be a bunch who consider themselves the Yellow Team. Hello!

But hold on, hold on.

You see, they say...they say they're the Yellow Team. We don't know.

We can't let anybody into this lab, so security check time. Identify yourselves, please. Names?

-I'm Ross.

-I'm Matt.

-And I'm George.

-Ross, Matt, George - that checks out. Hidden talent here, it says it's you, George.

-I'm going to guess here, can you play the guitar by any chance?

-Yeah, I think so.

It says here you can. You've got one with you. Prove it.

-HE STRUMS A TUNE

-Go on.

That's playing the guitar, I'd say. Right, you're cleared through security. Come to the lab.

You are the Yellow Team and welcome to the lab. Where are you all from?

We're from sunny Southend and we're the Brain Wavers. Ching!

No, you're not, you're the Yellow Team. Welcome though.

In security there's going to be another bunch of people who claim to be the Red Team.

Let's have a look at you. Come out, please.

Oh, it's all right hopping up and down and looking all pleased now.

I still don't necessarily believe you're the Red Team.

-You've got to prove it. So first of all, to check them, names, please. You are?

-I'm Katie.

-Lizzie.

-Katie.

Katie, Lizzie and Katie - that's what it says here, that's good.

The hidden talent here it says is Katie S,

so that's Katie, you there, and it says something about your fingers and your joints?

-Yes, I have double jointed fingers.

-Prove it.

Oh, look, that's a finger bending the wrong way there, yeah.

That checks out, you are the Red Team. You're through security. Come through.

Hi, Red Team. Welcome to the lab.

Sorry about the security, we can't be too careful. Where are you from?

The Rossendale Valley and we're the Snazzy Scientists.

-The what?

-The Snazzy Scientists.

-No, you're not, you're the Red Team.

Great to have you both here though, red and Yellow Teams,

and it's time for Round One, so make your way to your positions.

Your first positions. OK, most people look for a car that will get them from A to B.

I however look for a car that can debate the fine points of scientific theories. It is, of course, Oliver.

Oliver loves collecting facts for his hi-tech fact nav system.

Sadly though his facts aren't always correct and it's up to my two teams to tell which ones are and aren't,

so this is how it's going to work.

I'm going to read both teams a science fact.

They have to tell me whether it's true or false.

If it's true, Oliver will do this.

ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

And if it's false, Oliver will let us know by doing this.

FOGHORN BLOWS

OK, so is that clear enough, teams?

Yellow and red, well, here we go.

Your first chance to earn some points. Red team, you go first.

I want you did tell me whether this is true or false.

There's enough fuel in the tank of a jumbo jet to drive a car around the world 76 times.

Is there enough fuel in the tank of a jumbo jet to drive a car around the world 76 times? Work it out.

Audience, what do we think, is that true or false?

AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

Everybody down here thinking it's false.

There's quite a lot of trues round there.

I reckon that's more or less 50-50, pretty much half-and-half, which means, Reds,

the audience is absolutely no help to you whatsoever.

Sorry, you're on your own, guys.

What do you think, is it true or is it false?

-False.

-Well, let's ask Oliver because he knows everything.

-Oliver, is it true or is it false?

-ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

It's true, so I'm sorry, guys, I'm sorry, in actual fact it can hold - are you ready for this? -

228,990 litres of fuel, which as you'll all three doubtless both know immediately

is 4,163 times more than the average family car, but you'd worked that out already of course.

Right, Yellow Team, here comes your science fact.

-Tell me if this is true or false. Ready to do some thinking?

-Yeah.

A coin is slightly more likely to land on heads when tossed.

Have a chat, have a talk. If you've got any theories, now is the time to share, talk it over.

If you've heard anything, chuck it in the mix, talk it over.

Audience, while they're doing their thinking, what do we think? Is that true or is it false?

AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

Looking at that, I think there's slightly more thinking it's false this time, but it's still a split.

Don't always go with what the audience think, we have had them be completely wrong in the past.

-So what's your conclusion? What have you thought about it?

-Well, we think it's false.

All right, let's find out. Oliver knows everything.

-Oliver, is it true or is it false?

-ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

Oh, no, it's true!

I can tell you, this is because when a coin is tossed and then spins on the floor,

studies have shown that it's more likely to land heads down when it finally stops. So no point there.

Right, I've got one last question.

This one's a bit different to the last ones because I'm going to ask you a question, not a fact,

so I don't want you to tell me whether it's true or false,

I want you to write down the answer on the board in front of you. It's not the easiest question.

So I'll be very nice and I'll give the point to whichever team gets closest to the real answer.

So write your answer down. Here comes the question.

How many miles away is the Moon from the Earth?

You might have heard something in the past. You might have a theory.

The important thing is to be as close as possible to the answer I have written down here.

I know it's a tricky one. Let's have a look at what you've got. Reds?

Five... That says 5 million miles.

5 million miles.

200,000 miles. Big difference.

Big difference there.

The real answer is 234,000 miles,

so, Yellows, you're very close indeed.

CHEERING

Reds, the brutal truth is you're miles out, but you've got a lot of numbers in it, that's a good start.

The figure will change in time because the Moon is moving away from the Earth by 3.8 centimetres a year.

Probably we should all wave it goodbye. So that means 1-nil to the Yellow Team. Well done.

That's all to come, but now it's time for Mini Science.

This is the round where our teams perform spectacular experiments

using unspectacular household objects.

Now, I don't want to boast, but I've invented a time machine.

The problem is, well, to cut a long story short, it didn't quite work.

I've brought my old science teacher back.

She just looks like a 10 year-old.

She's big on science, but small compared to other teachers.

It's Mini Mix.

-Hello, Miss.

-Hello.

-Are you well?

-Yes, thank you.

-Good. So what are we doing today?

Today's experiment is about friction. Do you remember what that is?

-Yes, friction slows things down.

-Correct, Richard. Well-remembered.

Today's teams are going to be making CD balloon hovercrafts.

-Hovercrafts?

-Yes. And I'm going to show you how to make it.

-OK.

-Blow this balloon up, please.

I have attached an old CD to a bottle top using blue tack.

-Do all the teams have to blow up balloons?

-No, they have machines.

-Why haven't I got one?

-Because you'll break it.

Good point. Right. I've blown up my balloon, so that's a CD with a bottle top stuck on. OK.

-Right, hang on. We're going to put this on there?

-Yes.

-All right.

I've let all the air out, Miss, sorry.

I've got a question. I'm going to guess something.

I know this is a bad idea, but I'm going to guess.

-I'm guessing this is about sliding a CD down there with the balloon as a hovercraft.

-Yes.

-Why don't we just slide the CDs down it?

-It won't go without the balloon's air.

Give me a CD.

You're right, it doesn't go anywhere. OK, so what do we do?

Well, now that you've assembled it, pull up the bottle top,

give it a gentle push and it'll glide until all the balloon's air has gone.

Wow! So that really is hovering like a hovercraft.

-Yes.

-Well, that's brilliant. It seems simple enough to me, teams.

You've got some time to do this, to build your hovercraft

and get as many as you can across that line, and that time starts...

now.

CHEERING

It's fiddly work out there.

Both teams have their balloons inflated, but who'll be able to construct the hovercraft first?

The Yellows look to have the edge on the red rivals

and there goes the first hovercraft,

gliding down the ramp and over the finish line

while the red balloon seems to have a mind of its own.

I reckon a large part of the answer to this one lies in teamwork.

It works best when you've got one person doing one job, one doing another,

so you build up a production line for your hovercrafts, and then one person to let it go down the ramp.

The Reds are doing better at that than the Yellows so far.

Their hovercrafts are rubbish!

A second score for the Yellows.

And the Reds? Well, the less said, the better.

Oh, I spoke too soon.

There's a launch for the Reds. An erratic start followed quite quickly by a sudden stop.

Brilliant(!)

And a third for the Yellows, who are stretching their lead now,

but hang on, it hasn't crossed the line. That won't count.

Do my eyes deceive me?

The first red hovercraft has passed the finish line.

The floor is just one big hovercraft traffic jam

and it's stopping the Yellows from crossing the line.

Those inflated balloons want nothing more than to return to their relaxed unstretched size.

In doing so, they push air out and down,

forcing themselves and the CDs they're attached to off the table.

Because they're then floating on a cushion of air,

there's less friction between them and the ramp,

and they glide with ease, just like a real hovercraft.

-BUZZER

-Time is up, time is up, time is up.

-Right, we must now find out how you've all done. Was that harder than you thought it would be?

-Yeah.

Yeah, it looked pretty tough. OK, Lab Rats, there's counting involved here, so I'll give you time.

Lab Rat, how many for the Red Team? Indicate with your little paw.

Four. OK. Lab Rat, how many for the yellow?

Three. 4-3, that means the red team are the winners! Well done!

There's a point to the Red Team and that's got me thinking -

if a titchy little balloon can lift a CD, I wonder how easy it would be to lift a real person.

Today, at my secret heavily-guarded top-secret test facility,

where all my most secret of secret experiments take place, we're going to attempt something really secret.

For today, man aims to move by wind alone.

Today, we make a craft that can hover.

A hovercraft.

To build a craft that hovers, we're going to use...

some wood,

skirt material,

a load of petrol-powered leaf blowers

and...and...

and an expert.

Hello. I'm a hovercraft expert.

Flanked by his Lab Rat entourage, this man looks like he means business.

But just what is this business that he means?

When the leaf blower is turned on, it'll blow air in the plastic skirt,

blowing it up like an inflatable donut.

The air will then escape through small holes,

creating a cushion of air which should lift the hovercraft up.

To make the craft mobile we need to attach more leaf blowers.

These will blow air backwards making the hovercraft race forwards.

The world's largest hovercraft can carry an impressive 418 passengers and 60 cars.

That's a lot of leaf blowers. But today we're aiming a lot higher.

Today, we aim to push back the boundaries of science and idiocy,

for today we aim to lift one whole Lab Rat on a cushion of air.

With construction complete we're missing just one vital component.

A guinea pig. I mean volunteer.

As he climbs aboard his machine, his mind is completely focused.

No-one knows what on, but completely focused nonetheless.

Three, two, one, ignition.

Success!

Even the Lab Rat's ample frame is no match for the power of wind.

He's actually floating on air.

But he's not going anywhere in a hurry.

I think we may have forgotten something.

Two extra blowers on the back should give us the thrust we need.

A gleaming example of man's mastery over his environment.

This is a precision made machine, the like of which has never been seen before.

Or will ever be seen again, probably.

For a true test of this dream machine's capabilities,

my Lab Rats have created one of the most demanding hovercraft courses ever built, ever.

With the added danger of a number of Ninja Nan's garden ornaments,

this is a course designed to test the nerves as well as the apparatus.

Lab Rat, start your leaf blowers.

Three, two, one, go!

He's off at breakneck speed.

We have lift-off, we have forward motion.

He's practically a blur before our eyes.

History is being made here today.

A Lab Rat is literally hovering above the ground thanks to lots of leaf blowers

and just a little bit of science know how.

The Lab Rat making short work of the course so far - cool, calm and confident through the obstacles.

Apart from that one. Just don't tell Ninja Nan.

OK. Just to check something, hang on, real hovercrafts work on land...

and water, so, teams, there's an extra point for you here.

For that extra point, will that hovercraft work on water?

Reds, what do you think?

Audience, what do we reckon? Will it work on water, will it not?

AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

Hang on, there's some no's over here. I shall get my microphone.

Who thinks no? Who thinks it won't?

-Because the thing might collapse because of all the water.

-The skirt might collapse.

If that goes of course, it's going to go, but most people seem to think it will.

I don't think it'll work because it hasn't got enough speed to go over the water.

Speed to go over the water. It was moving OK before.

So various theories from the audience, teams.

-But this point is at stake. What do we think? Red team, will it work on water or not?

-Yes.

-Yellow team, will it work on water?

-We don't think it will.

-No.

OK, so we have a yes from the Reds and a no from the Yellows.

There's only one way to find out if it does work.

The British countryside. The perfect place to relax.

The perfect place to gather your thoughts.

The perfect place to test your home-made hovercraft on water.

He's off, without a thought for his own personal safety, or the faintest clue where he's going.

It's actually working - he's floating on air over the water!

Hang on, this doesn't look good.

This looks like...

This looks like failure.

The Lab Rat has been forced to abandon his sinking ship.

Useless! I have no sympathy.

Goodbye, Mr hovercraft expert or should I say, Mr!

There you go. It sank, I'm afraid, so, Red Team, no point for you.

The point goes to the Yellow Team. It did indeed sink.

I don't know what that was, but whatever it was, well done.

It looked like it was going to work, but then it sank, which you can't really class as working. Sorry.

So, scores now, 2-1 to the Yellows.

It's time for both teams to go off and get changed - it's the Messy Messy Mess Test next.

You need protective suits. You go and get changed into those.

While they're doing that, just out of interest,

I'd like to watch that bit again where the Lab Rat sinks.

There he goes, he's so pleased and excited. "My hovercraft works!

"Oh, this is going to be wonderful," he thinks to himself.

Oh dear, something is going wrong.

As is so often with the case with Lab Rats, it started well, but then, no!

AW!

Don't "aw", he's a Lab Rat, that's what he's there for.

On the other hand, we're here to have some fun so let's move on to the Messy Messy Mess Test.

Which today is in the nuclear box.

That's why you needed the protective suits, guys, sorry. Are you comfortable in there?

-No.

-Sort of.

No sudden moves. Funny thing, bit late last night - well, late late late last night -

I saw something moving in there.

It was kind of long and it had fins. They might have been legs.

It definitely had teeth, I saw those for certain.

I don't know if will eat people yet, just keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't,

but don't put your fingers in there once you've crossed them.

They'll get bitten off. OK, this is the game.

Each of these pods contains fabulous prizes like a multimedia mp3 player,

a digital metal detector, a solar-powered spider.

The idea is to move these pods with their prizes from one end of the box to the other.

You can't use your hands, because they'd melt and fall off.

That's why you've got these tongs.

You pass them from one to another. Don't drop it. If you do, go back and get another one.

Eventually, you and you'll be putting them in the baskets here.

The team to get the most prize pods into the basket wins and gets to take the prizes home.

The losing team has to blow their's up.

Yellow team, you'll go first because you're ahead on points.

You've won a five-second advantage.

When you hear the first nuclear alert, you start.

Red team, when you hear the second nuclear alert, you start.

Everybody understand? We'll be watching. If you drop any of those pods, start again.

OK, you've some time to do this.

Yellow team, you start first.

That some time starts now!

The siren sounds and the Yellows burst into life.

The first yellow pod is dropped and there goes the second siren.

But a certain member of the Red Team seems entranced

by the sight of the Yellow Team at work!

A bit of geeing up from her team seems to have woken her up.

Yellow now, neck and neck with red,

dropping their pods in perfect unison.

A second there for the Yellows.

Closely followed by the Reds.

The Yellows finding the going tough and the pods a little slippery.

Not as easy as it looks, is it?

This is very, very close.

The pod the Yellow Team just dropped could cost them the lot.

If they don't catch up, it'll all go up in smoke.

Both teams need to hurry.

Some time waits for no man,

or child dressed in a nuclear suit, for that matter.

Yellows aren't giving up, and both baskets are filling up nicely.

It's too close to call at this stage.

The Reds lead, but the Yellows are still in with a fighting chance.

A score for the Yellows as the Reds lose another into the tank.

BUZZER

Time is up! Now, we're going to find out who won that game.

The Lab Rats will count them for me.

If I handle them, I'd get hurt. They don't matter so we don't care.

Yellow team, how many have they got, Lab Rat?

Five.

OK. Lab Rat, show me with your little paw how many they got on the Red Team.

Six! That means the Red Team are the winners.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Time to find out what you've won.

For that, I need Ninja Nan.

Each of you'll be taking home... a Blast Lab goody bag,

a robo spider,

a horrible science book,

a metal detector each,

a toxic mutant,

an electromagic kit.

All of those prizes! I think you just about cleaned us out.

This is the slightly difficult bit, because, Yellow Team,

this is where we find out what you would have won, but you're not taking home with you.

You would have won... a bug barn each,

an electromagic kit...

AW!

..toxic mutants,

a horrible science book

and a metal detector.

Sadly, you're not taking any of those things home because instead you're going to blow them up.

It's time for Bidet Goes Bang.

This is it. The moment of doom.

-Yellow team, how are you feeling?

-Gutted.

Yeah, sorry, sorry. Who's going to push the plunger?

-We all are.

-All together. Team effort. What went wrong?

We held it too close to the end so the other person couldn't grab it.

It's difficult to manoeuvre them and if you pick them up, the things in there will bite your arm off.

Bad luck. Stop gloating over there.

This is a wheelbarrow full of prizes for the Red Team to take home.

Well done to you guys. Yellow team, it's time to do it.

Because of global warming, I can't just throw your prizes in the bin.

The only way to dispose of them without hurting the environment is to explode them using a bidet.

Come on, step forward. Lift the plunger all of you together.

I'm going to give you the countdown.

Are you ready?

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Plunge!

Well, unfortunately, that's all we've got time for.

We've seen how you can use the cushioning effect of air to make a hovercraft,

but if you get it wrong, it's more of a sinking craft.

-See you next time.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Blast Lab was recorded before a live studio audience.

No Lab Rat was harmed during the filming.

There was one incident, but the Lab Rat doesn't want to talk about it.

He can't for now. Not for a few months anyway.