Episode 3 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab


Episode 3

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Transcript


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Hello. I'm Richard, this is my top secret underground Blast Lab.

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Nice to see you.

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Oh, yeah - this. Don't worry about it, it's just that late last night something unnatural

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lugged itself out of my nuclear tank over there and it ran off sort of in that direction.

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I say ran - it was really more of a slithery limp.

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Don't ask me what it was, but it was huge.

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As long as it doesn't come back, here's what we'll be doing today.

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Now one of the reasons I've managed to keep this place so secret

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is that I have a crack team of SAS officers protecting it around the clock.

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However they all stayed up late watching the Princess Diaries last night and slept in.

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Luckily, my nanny's here and she learned ninjitsu from Jackie Chan's nan. It's my Ninja Nan.

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Ninja Nan, thanks for standing in.

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Yes, she may look fragile, but she's actually a fully trained ninja.

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Nan, if you'd like to take your place in security. Oh!

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If you'd like to take your place in security, please, Nan!

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Playing up again.

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OK, away you go. Speeds away.

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I once saw my Ninja Nan beat Lewis Hamilton's fastest lap time at Silverstone without using a car.

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Ninja Nan, are you settled in yet? Are you in your chair? Oh, there she is, look, she's...

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Oh, she's... What's she getting this time?

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Sandwiches, knitting... Oh, she's got her thermos out.

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It'll be tea in there. She likes it strong.

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When I say strong, I mean ninja strong, that stuff you can eat through steel.

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Let's have a look at who's trying to get through security today.

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There should be a bunch who consider themselves the Yellow Team. Hello!

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But hold on, hold on.

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You see, they say...they say they're the Yellow Team. We don't know.

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We can't let anybody into this lab, so security check time. Identify yourselves, please. Names?

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-I'm Ross.

-I'm Matt.

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-And I'm George.

-Ross, Matt, George - that checks out. Hidden talent here, it says it's you, George.

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-I'm going to guess here, can you play the guitar by any chance?

-Yeah, I think so.

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It says here you can. You've got one with you. Prove it.

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-HE STRUMS A TUNE

-Go on.

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That's playing the guitar, I'd say. Right, you're cleared through security. Come to the lab.

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You are the Yellow Team and welcome to the lab. Where are you all from?

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We're from sunny Southend and we're the Brain Wavers. Ching!

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No, you're not, you're the Yellow Team. Welcome though.

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In security there's going to be another bunch of people who claim to be the Red Team.

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Let's have a look at you. Come out, please.

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Oh, it's all right hopping up and down and looking all pleased now.

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I still don't necessarily believe you're the Red Team.

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-You've got to prove it. So first of all, to check them, names, please. You are?

-I'm Katie.

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-Lizzie.

-Katie.

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Katie, Lizzie and Katie - that's what it says here, that's good.

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The hidden talent here it says is Katie S,

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so that's Katie, you there, and it says something about your fingers and your joints?

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-Yes, I have double jointed fingers.

-Prove it.

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Oh, look, that's a finger bending the wrong way there, yeah.

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That checks out, you are the Red Team. You're through security. Come through.

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Hi, Red Team. Welcome to the lab.

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Sorry about the security, we can't be too careful. Where are you from?

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The Rossendale Valley and we're the Snazzy Scientists.

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-The what?

-The Snazzy Scientists.

-No, you're not, you're the Red Team.

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Great to have you both here though, red and Yellow Teams,

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and it's time for Round One, so make your way to your positions.

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Your first positions. OK, most people look for a car that will get them from A to B.

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I however look for a car that can debate the fine points of scientific theories. It is, of course, Oliver.

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Oliver loves collecting facts for his hi-tech fact nav system.

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Sadly though his facts aren't always correct and it's up to my two teams to tell which ones are and aren't,

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so this is how it's going to work.

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I'm going to read both teams a science fact.

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They have to tell me whether it's true or false.

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If it's true, Oliver will do this.

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ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

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And if it's false, Oliver will let us know by doing this.

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FOGHORN BLOWS

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OK, so is that clear enough, teams?

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Yellow and red, well, here we go.

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Your first chance to earn some points. Red team, you go first.

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I want you did tell me whether this is true or false.

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There's enough fuel in the tank of a jumbo jet to drive a car around the world 76 times.

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Is there enough fuel in the tank of a jumbo jet to drive a car around the world 76 times? Work it out.

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Audience, what do we think, is that true or false?

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AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

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Everybody down here thinking it's false.

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There's quite a lot of trues round there.

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I reckon that's more or less 50-50, pretty much half-and-half, which means, Reds,

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the audience is absolutely no help to you whatsoever.

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Sorry, you're on your own, guys.

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What do you think, is it true or is it false?

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-False.

-Well, let's ask Oliver because he knows everything.

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-Oliver, is it true or is it false?

-ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

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It's true, so I'm sorry, guys, I'm sorry, in actual fact it can hold - are you ready for this? -

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228,990 litres of fuel, which as you'll all three doubtless both know immediately

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is 4,163 times more than the average family car, but you'd worked that out already of course.

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Right, Yellow Team, here comes your science fact.

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-Tell me if this is true or false. Ready to do some thinking?

-Yeah.

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A coin is slightly more likely to land on heads when tossed.

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Have a chat, have a talk. If you've got any theories, now is the time to share, talk it over.

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If you've heard anything, chuck it in the mix, talk it over.

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Audience, while they're doing their thinking, what do we think? Is that true or is it false?

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AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

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Looking at that, I think there's slightly more thinking it's false this time, but it's still a split.

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Don't always go with what the audience think, we have had them be completely wrong in the past.

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-So what's your conclusion? What have you thought about it?

-Well, we think it's false.

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All right, let's find out. Oliver knows everything.

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-Oliver, is it true or is it false?

-ALARM SOUNDS, HORN HONKS

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Oh, no, it's true!

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I can tell you, this is because when a coin is tossed and then spins on the floor,

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studies have shown that it's more likely to land heads down when it finally stops. So no point there.

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Right, I've got one last question.

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This one's a bit different to the last ones because I'm going to ask you a question, not a fact,

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so I don't want you to tell me whether it's true or false,

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I want you to write down the answer on the board in front of you. It's not the easiest question.

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So I'll be very nice and I'll give the point to whichever team gets closest to the real answer.

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So write your answer down. Here comes the question.

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How many miles away is the Moon from the Earth?

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You might have heard something in the past. You might have a theory.

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The important thing is to be as close as possible to the answer I have written down here.

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I know it's a tricky one. Let's have a look at what you've got. Reds?

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Five... That says 5 million miles.

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5 million miles.

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200,000 miles. Big difference.

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Big difference there.

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The real answer is 234,000 miles,

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so, Yellows, you're very close indeed.

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CHEERING

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Reds, the brutal truth is you're miles out, but you've got a lot of numbers in it, that's a good start.

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The figure will change in time because the Moon is moving away from the Earth by 3.8 centimetres a year.

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Probably we should all wave it goodbye. So that means 1-nil to the Yellow Team. Well done.

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That's all to come, but now it's time for Mini Science.

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This is the round where our teams perform spectacular experiments

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using unspectacular household objects.

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Now, I don't want to boast, but I've invented a time machine.

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The problem is, well, to cut a long story short, it didn't quite work.

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I've brought my old science teacher back.

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She just looks like a 10 year-old.

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She's big on science, but small compared to other teachers.

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It's Mini Mix.

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-Hello, Miss.

-Hello.

-Are you well?

-Yes, thank you.

-Good. So what are we doing today?

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Today's experiment is about friction. Do you remember what that is?

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-Yes, friction slows things down.

-Correct, Richard. Well-remembered.

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Today's teams are going to be making CD balloon hovercrafts.

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-Hovercrafts?

-Yes. And I'm going to show you how to make it.

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-OK.

-Blow this balloon up, please.

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I have attached an old CD to a bottle top using blue tack.

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-Do all the teams have to blow up balloons?

-No, they have machines.

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-Why haven't I got one?

-Because you'll break it.

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Good point. Right. I've blown up my balloon, so that's a CD with a bottle top stuck on. OK.

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-Right, hang on. We're going to put this on there?

-Yes.

-All right.

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I've let all the air out, Miss, sorry.

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I've got a question. I'm going to guess something.

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I know this is a bad idea, but I'm going to guess.

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-I'm guessing this is about sliding a CD down there with the balloon as a hovercraft.

-Yes.

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-Why don't we just slide the CDs down it?

-It won't go without the balloon's air.

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Give me a CD.

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You're right, it doesn't go anywhere. OK, so what do we do?

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Well, now that you've assembled it, pull up the bottle top,

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give it a gentle push and it'll glide until all the balloon's air has gone.

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Wow! So that really is hovering like a hovercraft.

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-Yes.

-Well, that's brilliant. It seems simple enough to me, teams.

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You've got some time to do this, to build your hovercraft

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and get as many as you can across that line, and that time starts...

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now.

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CHEERING

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It's fiddly work out there.

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Both teams have their balloons inflated, but who'll be able to construct the hovercraft first?

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The Yellows look to have the edge on the red rivals

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and there goes the first hovercraft,

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gliding down the ramp and over the finish line

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while the red balloon seems to have a mind of its own.

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I reckon a large part of the answer to this one lies in teamwork.

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It works best when you've got one person doing one job, one doing another,

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so you build up a production line for your hovercrafts, and then one person to let it go down the ramp.

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The Reds are doing better at that than the Yellows so far.

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Their hovercrafts are rubbish!

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A second score for the Yellows.

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And the Reds? Well, the less said, the better.

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Oh, I spoke too soon.

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There's a launch for the Reds. An erratic start followed quite quickly by a sudden stop.

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Brilliant(!)

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And a third for the Yellows, who are stretching their lead now,

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but hang on, it hasn't crossed the line. That won't count.

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Do my eyes deceive me?

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The first red hovercraft has passed the finish line.

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The floor is just one big hovercraft traffic jam

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and it's stopping the Yellows from crossing the line.

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Those inflated balloons want nothing more than to return to their relaxed unstretched size.

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In doing so, they push air out and down,

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forcing themselves and the CDs they're attached to off the table.

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Because they're then floating on a cushion of air,

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there's less friction between them and the ramp,

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and they glide with ease, just like a real hovercraft.

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-BUZZER

-Time is up, time is up, time is up.

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-Right, we must now find out how you've all done. Was that harder than you thought it would be?

-Yeah.

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Yeah, it looked pretty tough. OK, Lab Rats, there's counting involved here, so I'll give you time.

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Lab Rat, how many for the Red Team? Indicate with your little paw.

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Four. OK. Lab Rat, how many for the yellow?

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Three. 4-3, that means the red team are the winners! Well done!

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There's a point to the Red Team and that's got me thinking -

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if a titchy little balloon can lift a CD, I wonder how easy it would be to lift a real person.

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Today, at my secret heavily-guarded top-secret test facility,

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where all my most secret of secret experiments take place, we're going to attempt something really secret.

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For today, man aims to move by wind alone.

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Today, we make a craft that can hover.

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A hovercraft.

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To build a craft that hovers, we're going to use...

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some wood,

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skirt material,

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a load of petrol-powered leaf blowers

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and...and...

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and an expert.

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Hello. I'm a hovercraft expert.

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Flanked by his Lab Rat entourage, this man looks like he means business.

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But just what is this business that he means?

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When the leaf blower is turned on, it'll blow air in the plastic skirt,

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blowing it up like an inflatable donut.

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The air will then escape through small holes,

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creating a cushion of air which should lift the hovercraft up.

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To make the craft mobile we need to attach more leaf blowers.

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These will blow air backwards making the hovercraft race forwards.

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The world's largest hovercraft can carry an impressive 418 passengers and 60 cars.

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That's a lot of leaf blowers. But today we're aiming a lot higher.

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Today, we aim to push back the boundaries of science and idiocy,

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for today we aim to lift one whole Lab Rat on a cushion of air.

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With construction complete we're missing just one vital component.

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A guinea pig. I mean volunteer.

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As he climbs aboard his machine, his mind is completely focused.

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No-one knows what on, but completely focused nonetheless.

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Three, two, one, ignition.

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Success!

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Even the Lab Rat's ample frame is no match for the power of wind.

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He's actually floating on air.

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But he's not going anywhere in a hurry.

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I think we may have forgotten something.

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Two extra blowers on the back should give us the thrust we need.

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A gleaming example of man's mastery over his environment.

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This is a precision made machine, the like of which has never been seen before.

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Or will ever be seen again, probably.

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For a true test of this dream machine's capabilities,

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my Lab Rats have created one of the most demanding hovercraft courses ever built, ever.

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With the added danger of a number of Ninja Nan's garden ornaments,

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this is a course designed to test the nerves as well as the apparatus.

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Lab Rat, start your leaf blowers.

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Three, two, one, go!

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He's off at breakneck speed.

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We have lift-off, we have forward motion.

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He's practically a blur before our eyes.

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History is being made here today.

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A Lab Rat is literally hovering above the ground thanks to lots of leaf blowers

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and just a little bit of science know how.

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The Lab Rat making short work of the course so far - cool, calm and confident through the obstacles.

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Apart from that one. Just don't tell Ninja Nan.

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OK. Just to check something, hang on, real hovercrafts work on land...

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and water, so, teams, there's an extra point for you here.

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For that extra point, will that hovercraft work on water?

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Reds, what do you think?

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Audience, what do we reckon? Will it work on water, will it not?

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AUDIENCE SHOUT COMPETING ANSWERS

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Hang on, there's some no's over here. I shall get my microphone.

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Who thinks no? Who thinks it won't?

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-Because the thing might collapse because of all the water.

-The skirt might collapse.

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If that goes of course, it's going to go, but most people seem to think it will.

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I don't think it'll work because it hasn't got enough speed to go over the water.

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Speed to go over the water. It was moving OK before.

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So various theories from the audience, teams.

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-But this point is at stake. What do we think? Red team, will it work on water or not?

-Yes.

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-Yellow team, will it work on water?

-We don't think it will.

-No.

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OK, so we have a yes from the Reds and a no from the Yellows.

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There's only one way to find out if it does work.

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The British countryside. The perfect place to relax.

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The perfect place to gather your thoughts.

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The perfect place to test your home-made hovercraft on water.

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He's off, without a thought for his own personal safety, or the faintest clue where he's going.

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It's actually working - he's floating on air over the water!

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Hang on, this doesn't look good.

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This looks like...

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This looks like failure.

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The Lab Rat has been forced to abandon his sinking ship.

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Useless! I have no sympathy.

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Goodbye, Mr hovercraft expert or should I say, Mr!

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There you go. It sank, I'm afraid, so, Red Team, no point for you.

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The point goes to the Yellow Team. It did indeed sink.

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I don't know what that was, but whatever it was, well done.

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It looked like it was going to work, but then it sank, which you can't really class as working. Sorry.

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So, scores now, 2-1 to the Yellows.

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It's time for both teams to go off and get changed - it's the Messy Messy Mess Test next.

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You need protective suits. You go and get changed into those.

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While they're doing that, just out of interest,

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I'd like to watch that bit again where the Lab Rat sinks.

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There he goes, he's so pleased and excited. "My hovercraft works!

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"Oh, this is going to be wonderful," he thinks to himself.

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Oh dear, something is going wrong.

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As is so often with the case with Lab Rats, it started well, but then, no!

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AW!

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Don't "aw", he's a Lab Rat, that's what he's there for.

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On the other hand, we're here to have some fun so let's move on to the Messy Messy Mess Test.

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Which today is in the nuclear box.

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That's why you needed the protective suits, guys, sorry. Are you comfortable in there?

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-No.

-Sort of.

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No sudden moves. Funny thing, bit late last night - well, late late late last night -

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I saw something moving in there.

0:22:020:22:05

It was kind of long and it had fins. They might have been legs.

0:22:050:22:10

It definitely had teeth, I saw those for certain.

0:22:100:22:12

I don't know if will eat people yet, just keep your fingers crossed that it doesn't,

0:22:120:22:17

but don't put your fingers in there once you've crossed them.

0:22:170:22:19

They'll get bitten off. OK, this is the game.

0:22:190:22:22

Each of these pods contains fabulous prizes like a multimedia mp3 player,

0:22:220:22:27

a digital metal detector, a solar-powered spider.

0:22:270:22:30

The idea is to move these pods with their prizes from one end of the box to the other.

0:22:300:22:35

You can't use your hands, because they'd melt and fall off.

0:22:350:22:38

That's why you've got these tongs.

0:22:380:22:40

You pass them from one to another. Don't drop it. If you do, go back and get another one.

0:22:400:22:44

Eventually, you and you'll be putting them in the baskets here.

0:22:440:22:47

The team to get the most prize pods into the basket wins and gets to take the prizes home.

0:22:470:22:53

The losing team has to blow their's up.

0:22:530:22:57

Yellow team, you'll go first because you're ahead on points.

0:22:570:23:00

You've won a five-second advantage.

0:23:000:23:02

When you hear the first nuclear alert, you start.

0:23:020:23:05

Red team, when you hear the second nuclear alert, you start.

0:23:050:23:09

Everybody understand? We'll be watching. If you drop any of those pods, start again.

0:23:090:23:13

OK, you've some time to do this.

0:23:130:23:15

Yellow team, you start first.

0:23:150:23:18

That some time starts now!

0:23:180:23:20

The siren sounds and the Yellows burst into life.

0:23:200:23:24

The first yellow pod is dropped and there goes the second siren.

0:23:240:23:29

But a certain member of the Red Team seems entranced

0:23:290:23:33

by the sight of the Yellow Team at work!

0:23:330:23:35

A bit of geeing up from her team seems to have woken her up.

0:23:350:23:39

Yellow now, neck and neck with red,

0:23:390:23:42

dropping their pods in perfect unison.

0:23:420:23:44

A second there for the Yellows.

0:23:490:23:52

Closely followed by the Reds.

0:23:520:23:55

The Yellows finding the going tough and the pods a little slippery.

0:23:550:24:00

Not as easy as it looks, is it?

0:24:000:24:02

This is very, very close.

0:24:060:24:08

The pod the Yellow Team just dropped could cost them the lot.

0:24:080:24:13

If they don't catch up, it'll all go up in smoke.

0:24:140:24:17

Both teams need to hurry.

0:24:190:24:22

Some time waits for no man,

0:24:220:24:25

or child dressed in a nuclear suit, for that matter.

0:24:250:24:28

Yellows aren't giving up, and both baskets are filling up nicely.

0:24:290:24:34

It's too close to call at this stage.

0:24:340:24:37

The Reds lead, but the Yellows are still in with a fighting chance.

0:24:370:24:41

A score for the Yellows as the Reds lose another into the tank.

0:24:410:24:46

BUZZER

0:24:530:24:55

Time is up! Now, we're going to find out who won that game.

0:24:550:25:00

The Lab Rats will count them for me.

0:25:000:25:02

If I handle them, I'd get hurt. They don't matter so we don't care.

0:25:020:25:06

Yellow team, how many have they got, Lab Rat?

0:25:060:25:09

Five.

0:25:090:25:11

OK. Lab Rat, show me with your little paw how many they got on the Red Team.

0:25:110:25:15

Six! That means the Red Team are the winners.

0:25:150:25:17

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Time to find out what you've won.

0:25:170:25:21

For that, I need Ninja Nan.

0:25:210:25:23

Each of you'll be taking home... a Blast Lab goody bag,

0:25:230:25:27

a robo spider,

0:25:270:25:29

a horrible science book,

0:25:290:25:31

a metal detector each,

0:25:310:25:34

a toxic mutant,

0:25:340:25:36

an electromagic kit.

0:25:360:25:39

All of those prizes! I think you just about cleaned us out.

0:25:390:25:42

This is the slightly difficult bit, because, Yellow Team,

0:25:420:25:45

this is where we find out what you would have won, but you're not taking home with you.

0:25:450:25:50

You would have won... a bug barn each,

0:25:500:25:54

an electromagic kit...

0:25:540:25:56

AW!

0:25:560:25:57

..toxic mutants,

0:25:570:26:00

a horrible science book

0:26:000:26:03

and a metal detector.

0:26:030:26:05

Sadly, you're not taking any of those things home because instead you're going to blow them up.

0:26:050:26:11

It's time for Bidet Goes Bang.

0:26:110:26:13

This is it. The moment of doom.

0:26:210:26:24

-Yellow team, how are you feeling?

-Gutted.

0:26:240:26:28

Yeah, sorry, sorry. Who's going to push the plunger?

0:26:280:26:31

-We all are.

-All together. Team effort. What went wrong?

0:26:310:26:35

We held it too close to the end so the other person couldn't grab it.

0:26:350:26:38

It's difficult to manoeuvre them and if you pick them up, the things in there will bite your arm off.

0:26:380:26:43

Bad luck. Stop gloating over there.

0:26:430:26:46

This is a wheelbarrow full of prizes for the Red Team to take home.

0:26:460:26:49

Well done to you guys. Yellow team, it's time to do it.

0:26:490:26:54

Because of global warming, I can't just throw your prizes in the bin.

0:26:540:26:57

The only way to dispose of them without hurting the environment is to explode them using a bidet.

0:26:570:27:03

Come on, step forward. Lift the plunger all of you together.

0:27:030:27:07

I'm going to give you the countdown.

0:27:070:27:09

Are you ready?

0:27:090:27:10

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

0:27:100:27:15

Plunge!

0:27:150:27:16

Well, unfortunately, that's all we've got time for.

0:27:190:27:22

We've seen how you can use the cushioning effect of air to make a hovercraft,

0:27:220:27:26

but if you get it wrong, it's more of a sinking craft.

0:27:260:27:29

-See you next time.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:27:290:27:33

Blast Lab was recorded before a live studio audience.

0:27:380:27:41

No Lab Rat was harmed during the filming.

0:27:410:27:44

There was one incident, but the Lab Rat doesn't want to talk about it.

0:27:440:27:49

He can't for now. Not for a few months anyway.

0:27:490:27:52

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