Episode 3 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

So what I've done is fit it with a 3D holographic laser projector.

It is astonishing.

Trust me, my little lab rat friend, this is no ordinary watch.

Mind your eyes. This could be bright. Here we go.

Oh...

Yeah, on second thoughts, this is an ordinary watch.

I've lost my 3D holographic laser one.

Go away. Hello. I'm Richard Hammond.

Welcome to my Blast Lab.

APPLAUSE

I'll get another one. I can't begin to tell you

about some of the exciting experiments we do here.

No, really, I can't, because if I start to tell you about them

the Government gets quite cross.

Nevertheless, I do occasionally like to invite two teams

of young scientists here to take part

in exciting scientific challenges and compete for great prizes.

So, coming up, we have Oliver helping us navigate our way

through some fascinating facts.

In Mini Science, we try to prevent a leak.

My lab rats apparently travel back in time

to try and beat the javelin world record. We'll see about that.

It's time to get ultra messy.

It's Snot Wars.

Now, for a top-security lab, you need a top-security guard

and this lady is right at the very top of the table,

especially when it's ranked by age, because it is my Ninja Nan.

It might look like she's asleep, but in fact she's meditating.

It's part of her martial arts training.

It helps her to focus her positive energies.

Or, actually, no, maybe she is sleeping.

OK, let's have a look at who's trying to get into my lab today.

Hello.

Now, you've come along here claiming to be the Red Team.

I'm here to check you through security.

-Your names, please?

-Iffy.

-Sky.

-Ruth.

Iffy, Sky, Ruth. Yep, OK, that sounds about right.

Under "talent", it says you're going to do something

to prove you are the right people.

-We can do a crab.

-Yeah, that's what it said here. Go on, then, do one.

Whoa! They're broken!

That's terrifying. OK, fair enough.

You are the Red Team. Come on into the lab.

APPLAUSE

OK, welcome to the lab. You're past Ninja Nan,

but you've only got this far

because we agreed a password with the real Red Team.

If you are the real Red Team, you'll know it. What is it?

-Carwash.

-Yeah, that's what I've got written down here.

Why did you pick that?

Because I've got a phobia for carwashes.

OK, fair enough. If anybody sees a carwash sneaking up on her,

we'll let you know.

Welcome to the Blast Lab.

Go and get settled in ready for the first round. Our Red Team!

Right, let's meet the bunch of people

claiming to be the Yellow Team.

Nice to see you, standing there looking pleased for yourselves.

However, before I let you into the Blast Lab, we have to be sure

you are who you say you are. Identify yourselves, please.

-Lewis.

-Josh.

-James.

Yep, that's what I've got written down here.

Talent. What are you going to do for us?

-I can tell jokes.

-Really, Lewis? It's a high-risk strategy. Go on.

What's the most musical fish?

The most musical fish? I don't know.

A piano tuna.

That actually physically hurt. Just in case you try

telling any more, we'll let you in. Come through.

APPLAUSE

Very nice, very nice. It was nearly a joke.

I mean, really, nearly.

Chaps, we've agreed a password with the real Yellow Team

and I'll need that from you.

-Wheels.

-That's what I've got written down here. Why wheels?

Because we all like to cycle.

How lovely. But of no use here in the Blast Lab.

We don't allow bicycles. The lab rats are scared of them.

Let yourselves in, go and get ready for the first round.

The Yellow Team!

APPLAUSE

He has several diplomas and quite a lot of parking tickets.

I'm talking of course about Oliver!

APPLAUSE

Welcome, Oliver. Get him docked up to the Fact Nav.

Hold on. Connect him up. There we go,

right, plumbed in.

Actually, they did recently

develop an upgrade for Oliver's Fact Nav system,

but rather than spend money on that I decided to program it myself.

Turns out to be really, really, really amazingly difficult

to upgrade software yourself like that.

So, as a result, some of the facts

that I have here are not true and some are.

It's up to you teams to tell me which are true and which are false.

Oliver will then let us know. If it is true, he'll do this.

WHIRRING SIRENS

However, if it's false, he'll do this.

DEEP HORN

The game is pretty simple. Each team has three lights.

All three are lit red.

When you answer a question correctly,

one of your lights will go green.

The winning team is the first to get three lights lit green.

Just one slightly cruel complication,

which is, if you answer correctly,

your light goes green. Great.

If you answer it incorrectly, you don't get the green light -

the other team does, which means you can get it wrong and you can

actually win it for the other team.

So think carefully about your answers.

To get the game going and see who seizes control

right from the very start, we begin with a "nearest to" question.

I'll award the green light

to the team that gets nearest to the real answer.

They will get the first true or false fact.

This is your question.

What is the weight of the heaviest recorded hailstone in the UK?

What is the weight of the heaviest recorded hailstone in the UK?

-Five, four, three...

-I'll have to hurry you, teams.

Get your answer written down. What do you reckon? Nine kilograms.

That's quite big.

Reds? 1.75 kilograms. Pretty accurate there.

OK, the real answer is...

142...

grams,

which means, although they're miles out, the Red Team get it.

They are the nearest with 1.75 kilograms.

APPLAUSE

That is about the weight of a cricket ball.

It fell at Horsham, West Sussex, on 5th September 1958.

That means the Reds have seized control.

They have the first light lit green.

You get the first true or false science fact.

The smallest bone in the human body is in the foot.

Is that true or false?

The smallest bone in the human body is in the foot? Is it true or false?

It's false.

You think it's false? That's what you think?

The Red Team thinks it's false.

How you're going to answer the question I've delivered to you

is by saying "false"?

OK, we should find out what the real answer is, shouldn't we?

Oliver...

The smallest bone in the human body is in the foot.

Is that true or false?

DEEP HORN

It's false, correct. Well done.

The smallest bone in your body is in your ear.

There are three bones in your ears that help you hear,

and the smallest one of them is 3.3 millimetres across,

and that's smaller than even your little toe.

Yellows, things are looking tricky.

Don't worry. This can change very quickly.

This is your science fact.

The hairs of a polar bear are actually brown.

Is that true or is that false?

The hairs of a polar bear are actually brown.

Is that true or false?

-False.

-You're saying false?

We should probably find out

by asking Oliver what the real answer is.

Oliver, is it true or false?

DEEP HORN

It is false, well done!

Phew!

Well done. You're still in the game.

Believe it or not, polar bears' hairs

actually have no colour at all.

They're colourless and hollow.

This makes the hairs look white,

even though they're not,

because of how light bounces around within them.

Reds, you have two lights lit. Get this one right and you win.

Get it wrong, they stand a chance of winning next time round.

The Earth is hit by about 1,000 kilograms of meteors each day.

Is that true or false?

True.

You think it's true. Oliver, is it true or false?

DEEP HORN

It's false, and that means the light is lit for the Yellows.

They're on two.

OK, Yellows, I hardly need to point out where we are right now.

If you answer this correctly, you win.

If you're wrong, the Reds win.

OK, this is your science fact.

Silver is the best metal at conducting electricity.

Is that true or false?

Having a think because it all hangs on this.

Let's see what you think, audience.

-Is it true or false?

-KLAXON

Again, the audience just divided down the middle.

They're no help to you, Yellows. You can't tell much from that.

-Who's guessing?

-I actually have no clue.

-No clue, OK.

-It looks like hard metal.

-Yeah, it does. It's a hard metal.

Metals are quite different, aren't they?

Some are really soft.

Lead's very soft.

Some are hard. Some are light. Could that affect it?

-Maybe.

-You're thinking on the right lines.

Something about the metal makes it good at conducting.

OK, audience. Thank you very much.

Silver is the best metal at conducting electricity.

-True or false?

-True.

-You think it's true?

Obviously, if it's true, you win. If it's false, they win.

Oliver, is it true or false?

WHIRRING SIRENS

SPEECH DROWNED BY CHEERING

It's also the best conductor of heat,

but electrical wires are usually made of copper because it's cheaper.

Congratulations. Three lights lit first

and it went right down to the wire. That was a hard-fought competition.

That means it's 1-0 to the Yellows.

Now, they do say you're supposed to learn from your mistakes.

I didn't because exactly the same thing happened when I tried to make

a time machine to bring my old science teacher

back from school to the Blast Lab as happened the first time I did it

with Kyle, my pet gerbil.

My science teacher came back as a ten-year-old girl and my gerbil

came back as a ten-year-old gerbil, which is far too old for gerbils.

I'm talking, of course, about Mini Miss!

-You made a right mess of it, Richard.

-It could have been worse.

You could have come back as a ten-year-old gerbil.

Stop being ridiculous, Richard, or I will have to send you out of the lab.

-Sorry, Miss.

-Now, you are going to be helping me

in an experiment with water tension with a game I like to call...

Tense water? I didn't realise that water could get stressed.

It can't.

But I will get stressed if you keep testing my patience!

-Sorry, Miss.

-There is a large water-filled cylinder

over Ninja Nan's head and each team has to take it in turns

to poke holes into the clingfilm.

Ah, now hold on, Miss. From what I remember from school,

which isn't much, this is about water tension because it'll be

water tension that'll keep the water in

when they put holes in the cylinder.

But then eventually, if the holes get too big or in the wrong place,

the water will come out and it'll fill this funnel

and I'm guessing that the team who causes it to spill over

and land on Ninja Nan will lose and there'll be one heck of a scene.

-Very good, Richard.

-Thank you very much, Miss.

I'm quite tired after all that thinking, so, teams, you can have

time to talk with Mini Miss about what you're going to do.

You have access to her brain, which is enormous.

I'll leave you to do that. OK, have a chat, have a think.

So this really is about water tension. Water tension only exists

because water molecules, the little tiny bits that make up water,

really like each other and they cling together.

You can see it in action here. This glass, nearly full of water.

I can keep pouring more and more water in

and more and more water until, if you look closely,

the water is actually sticking up beyond the top of the glass.

That's because the water molecules are sticking together.

If I keep pouring, eventually the water tension is enough

and the water spills out.

So it'll be water tension when they put the holes in the clingfilm here

that holds it in.

Of course, there's another factor in this - air.

For water to come out, air has got to get in to replace it.

So once the holes reach a point

when they're big enough for air to get in as well,

more water will come out. This will fill up.

Some water will always come out, but the team that causes it to spill

over and land on Ninja Nan's head, well, they can answer to Ninja Nan.

-Teams, do you understand?

-Yes.

OK, Yellows, you're in the lead, 1-0, so you get to decide.

Do you want to go first or second?

-First.

-First, OK. You're about to run the risk of soaking Ninja Nan.

I don't think that's something any of us want right now, so good luck.

No pressure. Step forward and make a hole if you like.

Teams, away we go.

Here we go.

Ooh, a little bit of water will come out. Oh, that's it.

Just a tiny few drops. OK, Reds, here we go.

OK, first off. Ooh, ooh...

That's it, it's stopped. Yellows, in you come.

What's holding the water in is water tension.

The water molecules like being next to each other. They cling on.

We've added some dye into the bottom of the funnel

so we can see the level of water as it rises up,

over the head of the most lethal weapon known to lab-rat-kind.

Ooooh. A fair bit of water able to come out,

but that's OK. We've got a long way to go.

We've got to fill this funnel before we're really in trouble. OK.

Look! Oh, bold play.

He's going straight for the middle. Look at that. A brave young man.

Oooh! The Yellows, really... Oh, that's good play from the Yellows.

Getting some water in there makes it harder for the Reds next time.

You know when it's going to drip because you see the bubbles of air

go up first.

Ooh! Well played, the Reds! That's sending some water in.

The Yellows have to answer back. Whatever you put in the funnel,

they've got to put more on top of it.

Ooh!

It's got to be done, it's got to be done. No pressure, Ruth.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

She's not comfortable with that at all.

-It was an accident.

-Oh, she's not comfortable with that.

Oh, Reds. Oh, Reds.

Oh, Reds.

Oh, Reds!

It may yet stop. It may stop.

We can declare the Yellows as the winners.

That was incredibly tense. Come forward, teams, please.

Both sides up here because that was.... She's OK.

She's actually still meditating. We're OK.

-CRACK!

-Uh! That was quite incredibly tense,

but I can declare that the point goes to the Yellows.

It is now 2-0 to the Yellows.

CHEERING

That was it. It just went.

Now, I admit I may have mucked up my own time-travelling experiments

with Mini Miss, so when I heard of a scientist who said he could

do time travel properly, I had to investigate.

Great Auntie Matilda's chicken drumsticks! What is going on here?!

Hold it right there. Who are you?

HIGH-PITCHED, GARBLED SPEECH:

Who?

Doctor who?

That's not a real name. It doesn't have any vowels.

You're not a real doctor.

No. You're just a lab rat in my old coat.

And that's not a real alien robot you're fighting.

You're just a lab rat in a cardboard box covered in tin foil.

Yes, you are. I can see your foot.

Right, I'm going to give you one chance to prove

that you are a real "alien mysterious time lord".

I'm going to send you on a mission. You'd better take that

or him with you cos you might need a sidekick.

And the mission I've chosen

is to break the world javelin record,

which currently stands at 98.48 metres,

held by a man with a woman's name, Jan.

Using my trusty Cardis, they've gone all the way back in time to...

Well, if my knowledge of Roman battleground fashion is accurate,

I'd say that our time lord and his hapless assistant have landed

around 50 BC, which, judging by the weather, must mean "a bit cold".

But how are they going to beat the javelin world record

with a bunch of blokes dressed like a cross

between a tin of beans and Superman?

I don't know. Hang on a minute.

That's a ballista. Ah, now I see what they're doing.

The Roman ballista was one of the most formidable weapons in history.

In fact, Julius Caesar used them in his conquest of Gaul

around 55 BC to great effect.

Capable of firing bolts or stones, the largest of them could hurl

objects weighing in excess of 100kg, and here's how it worked.

A ballista is like a crossbow but bigger.

When the handle on the ballista is turned, the rope holding

the arrow in place is pulled back and made tighter.

When the rope is as tight as possible,

it has a lot of potential energy.

On releasing the rope, this potential energy is transferred

into kinetic or movement energy, launching the arrow into the air.

But will the energy stored within these strings be capable of breaking

that javelin world record of 98.48 metres?

OK, hold the experiment right there,

because there is a point up for grabs. I know the score, 2-0 -

it won't make any difference overall,

but I think just for the honour of the point

we should play on and it hinges on this question.

Will they break the world record? What do you think?

-Will it work, Yellows?

-Yes.

-No.

-Good! I like it when we have a difference

of opinion. So you think they won't. You think they will.

One point's up for grabs. Let's find out.

Carry on with the experiment.

Tasked with beating a world record,

the wannabe time lord and his hapless assistant have gone

back in time to around 55 BC, the height of the Roman Empire,

where they hope to beat the world record javelin throw of 98.48 metres

with this.

It's a Roman ballista, armed with a wooden bolt.

Our legionnaires are ready, so here we go.

Tres, duo, unus.

Well, that's incredible and just look at it in slow motion.

The force of the ballista has shot the bolt well over

the 100 metres mark, but how far?

The tape measure says 59 metres.

That shattered the javelin world record with a total distance

of 159 metres. Result!

And that brings the score to 3-0 to the Yellows.

Right, now it is time for...

Which, of course, involves my Snot Bots over here.

I'm so proud of these creations.

One day they will be replacing the lab rats.

So clever that they have started taking on human characteristics,

like catching terrible colds.

I'm sorry about that. It really is disgusting.

OK, hidden in that gunge are prize discs.

Written on them are the names of prizes.

Today we've a practical joke set,

a radio-controlled spider and an electromagnetic kit.

The team with the most discs

slotted into the open mouth of their Snot Bot

at the end of the game will win and take the prizes home.

Remember, the Yellows have the lead.

That's bought you a five-second head start. You have some time to find

as many prize discs as you can, and that some time starts...now!

Some time is ticking and the Yellows

are wasting none of it getting quite literally stuck in.

-SIREN

-There's the second siren.

The Reds are off. But it looks like it's going to be the Yellows

who are first off the mark. There's Ruth ready with a disc as well

and in it goes. One for the Reds.

And another for the Yellows. The prize discs are flying in today.

Yet another disc has been found by the Yellows.

There's no stopping them.

And James has been passed another yellow disc

and the Reds have one as well.

It really is anyone's game...probably.

There's another one found by the Yellows.

The prize discs must be getting a little thin on the ground now

with both teams putting in flawless displays of disc discovery.

Well, some time is up, teams. Whoa, that's a lot of gunge on you guys.

We must now find out how you teams have done.

Lab rat, how many have we got for the Reds? Let's have a look.

How many have we got, lab rat? Six prize discs for the Reds. Well done!

How many for the Yellows?

Ten!

CHEERING, APPLAUSE

That's amazing! That is a win for the Yellows.

Let's have a look at what you've got.

You've got a model speedboat.

A radio-controlled spider for each of you.

A voice warper.

A pogo stick.

A practical joke set.

A puzzle cube.

A soap factory.

You'll need that after this for certain! An electromagnetic kit.

A skeleton model.

A metal detector.

Wow, that's staggering! Congratulations, Yellows.

Now, a slightly trickier duty to perform because we must find out

what the Reds would have been taking home with them.

An electromagnetic kit.

Very nice. A model speed boat.

-AUDIENCE: Aw!

-A soap factory.

Yes, handy right now as well. A practical joke set.

A lunar eclipse bedroom light. Very nice.

-And a personal room moon.

-AUDIENCE: Aw!

I know, but, Reds, it's OK, cos here's the thing.

You're not going to take them home with you. Instead,

you're going to blow them up because it's time for Bidet Goes Bang!

Yellows, you have emptied my prize cupboard. Well done, well played.

All that lot going home with you.

Reds, you did really well and I'm really very sorry,

but it's OK because, instead of taking them home,

what you're going to do is follow me along the Walk Of Shame.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

I know. It's... It's... Aw.

Reds, you were great sports,

and you were great fun to have here in the Blast Lab.

Thank you for playing and I'm really sorry,

but you know what you must do.

Lift the plunger.

It's time to say goodbye to those prizes. Lift it up.

Here we go, audience, we'll count them down from five.

ALL: Five, four, three, two, one.

CHEERING, APPLAUSE

Reds, well done. Well done, girls. So, that is just about it.

We've investigated how water tension can keep you dry...ish

and how spring tension can make a lab rat wet.

I'll see you again next time.

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