Crushamondo Sadie J

-Major-tastic emergency, Dad! Dad?

-Roger peed in the fishbowl again?

OK, two major-tastic emergencies.

There's some big surprise at the Y. Can I get a lift?

Do I look like a taxi driver? BOTH: Yes.

Sorry, Princess. I'm up to me bald patch. Run - you'll get there.

I can't turn up dripping in sweat! How grossorific is that?

Try again, Keithy-boy.

ENGINE SPUTTERS

-I'm not going anywhere until this is fixed.

-Fine. Step aside.

Sass, I was born with a spanner in me hand. If I can't fix it, no-one can.

ENGINE STARTS

I'll see you outside.

Because you have all been whinging

about my not staging enough "fun activities" -

although vot isn't fun about ping pong?

Or viffi-vaffee, as we call it back in Kleiperdach.

Ah, viffi-vaffee...

I remember the big final back in '86. Doh-dee, doh-dee.

And sometimes, Dee-doh, dee-doh.

And once, just once... Doh-doh, dee-dee, doh-doh, dee-dee.

Good times.

And so I vill be hosting the one - oh, can you bear the tension? -

the only - vait for it...

-Space cargo screening!

-Lady Gaga tribute!

-Karaoke night?

-Vell, don't say thank you all at once(!)

-We won't.

-She can't even spell Karaoke! Never mind.

An entire night of it. One Justin Bieber ringtones says

-it's going to be a train wreck.

-You're on.

-Am I missing something?

-Kit's gone cuckoo over the Quiz Quest Channel.

-Everything is a bet now.

-How dare you say such a thing!

Two ringtones says it's not.

Zingon blasters! It's 1400 hours! Gotta go. Meeting an old friend.

-Your gran doesn't count as a friend.

-I meant Joe Taylor.

The boy I used to run the Space Cargo Society with. My former co-captain.

Oh, yeah - the, er, larger-than-life guy? Big fan of doughnuts.

Jelly-belly Joe?

-SHE SNORTS

-That's what we used to call him.

There's nothing wrong with being a little...spherical.

So what's he doing in town? Cream bun convention?

A trail bike tournament, if you must know.

Must be a big bike!

No. Trails are generally 8.4 pounds lighter than the average bike.

-Not that I've calculated the mass or anything.

-Sorry, Joe, I...

I...

I...

OMG, Joe's been eaten by a supermodel!

Wow! Look at you! You used to be so... And now you're so...

Wow.

Thanks... I think.

Anyway, good to see you guys again. We should hook up sometime.

That is the right term, isn't it?

When? I mean, Kit and Dede are coming over to mine tonight.

You said you were potty-training Roger.

What is she like?! Such a joker!

-So can you come?

-Um...

Yeah.

Fabooshaperfecto!

Just come round at 6-ish. When I say "round", I don't mean ROUND, just...

Somebody stop me.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

# Can somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys

# Give me a break

# They got attitude, kind of cute

-# But when they're in trouble, takes a girl to save the day

-Save the day

-# I'd love another girl around the place

-To be her

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# Guess it's hard to be the only girl

# In a boy's world

# Girl, girl in a boy's world

# I know I'm stronger cos I got a positive mental attitude

# I'm understanding, kind of sensitive, want gratitude

# I don't want to be the only girl

# In a boy's world. #

Yes, I know I said I'd look at your bumper,

but you wouldn't believe the pressure I'm under.

If I don't cut back on my workload it's all going to come to a...

CRASH, THUMP

It already has. Gotta go.

Mr Beaton's engine blew up. It's on the ceiling.

Floor.

-How did you do that?

-It's not me.

-There's something wrong with this petrol.

-Yes.

It's diesel, you muppet!

Oh, so it is.

-Get your eyes tested or something.

-No, as if! Hilarious, that is.

Good one, Steve.

HEAVY METAL GUITAR

-Oh, yeah, who's the daddy? Who's the daddy?

-You're the daddy.

-OZZY OSBOURNE: You're a god of rock!

-Yes!

Result! Bow down to a rock superstar, Jakey-boy!

If you say so.

I'm Slash! I'm Brian May! I'm the ugly hairy one in Kings Of Leon!

Only not ugly...more hairy.

Why aren't you impressed?

Well, it's not like you're doing it for real, is it? Like live.

In front of an audience. It's just a game.

Bon-bon?

Nibbles?

You know I don't do carbs on a week night. But if you insist...

They're not for you, they're for Joe.

I also got a couple of majorly scary movies. Subbuteo, a WWE game AND...

a kitten jigsaw!

-I don't know what he's into now he's hot, hot, hot.

-Hang-a-lang a minute.

You're doing this, wearing something that isn't woefully unstylish and...

-SNIFFS

-..you've washed your hair?

OMG, you totally have a crush on Joe!

As if?!

Only the biggest crush ever!

In fact, I'm crushed! Not that I'll show him, of course.

I'm going to play it so cool.

Just like our Cheryl.

-Hey, guys!

-Joe!

You made it!

-Yippee!

-Sorry we're late.

You know I like to arrive within 30 seconds of the allotted time.

Four seconds out, Dede - call the time cops!

My fault. I kept her talking about astrophysionomy. Rocks, doesn't it?

Science joke.

FAKE LAUGH

So, Joe, what got you into trail biking?

The thrill of the chase? The need for speed?

Er, sort of. I was studying flocculation

and realised I could pick up some incredible samples by trail biking.

The wheels are like a mini eco-system.

Awesome!

So, what'll it be? Vampire Death Squad or Zombie Hitman?

-Er...

-Or we could play a game. WWE?

I don't really play football.

Shut up!

Looking like that you could practically BE Beckham.

But no worries, let's wrestle!

Not literally, of course. Unless you want to? I warn you,

-my power slam is deadly. Shall I show you?

-NO!

Actually, I...

think I'd better, er...go.

-I've got a, um, you know.

-No. A what?

Trail bike session! Yes, that's it.

Really? So soon?

What a shame. Waah!

-DOOR SLAMS

-Hey, where'd he go?

-For counselling, I imagine.

-I think that went quite well, didn't it?

-If you want to be his stalker, not his girlfriend.

-Girlfriend!

So that's why she's been acting clinically bananas!

I was just trying to make a good impression.

You certainly made that. He'll have the bruises to show it.

I should just ask him on a date now.

-Seeing as he didn't have enough time to ask me.

-NO!

People, this is the Teenies. It's OK for a girl to get a guy.

Not in a headlock.

I am so going to breeze this.

Hey, Joester!

There was something I wanted to ask you.

-Can it wait? I'm meeting somebody at one.

-No.

Chillax, it's not even five past yet! Look.

Oops!

Candyfloss brain. Here, let me.

-Oh, I'm sorry, um...

-I'm going to get going.

No! I haven't asked you yet!

It'll only take a teeny-weenysecond.

-Sorry, but I really have to run.

-Oh, but-but...

-Have you seen Joe?

-Uh... You know Joe?!

Yeah-huh. He was meant to be meeting me here at one.

You? Meeting? At one? You?!

Yeah.

No-o-o-o!

Ta-da!

What did you do that for?!

Karaoke night. I'm going to show you I can kick it as a rock god.

For real! Stick that in your trumpet and blow it.

-I haven't got a trumpet.

-But you might need one.

That or a drum kit.

-Why?

-Cos you're in my band.

I can't be a legendary guitarist without a band, can I?

It's like Ronaldo playing without balls.

Let me just think about that.

No...way!

Shame. Sadie LOVES rock stars.

I'm in.

Tell me, Keith, just out of general curiosity,

what colour paint did I ask you to use on this car -

was it sunset silver or sunset amber?

What's the difference?

-Ah.

-You do need glasses, don't you?

No!

Yeah.

I've run out of contact lenses.

They were in the post, but... I'm blind till Friday

-and I hate wearing my glasses.

-Why, mate?

Blimey!

Yes. Ooh. Yes.

Well, look, don't worry. I mean, there's only me and you in here.

Nobody's going to see it.

# You're beautiful

# You're beautiful, it's true

# I saw your face

# In a crowded pla... #

Any chance of an autograph?

She means, er, will you sign for it, don't ya?

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Hi!

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Thanks.

-Thank you.

Just a random thought here.

She's not anything to do with the fact you're not wearing specs?

No!

Yeah.

Put 'em on, keep 'em on.

We're here to fix cars, not dates.

OK, major-tastic emergency, guys.

You dropped lip gloss in the toaster?

You forgot your French assignment is due?

OK, three major-tastic emergencies.

My date chat with Joe was a disaster.

Told you! You owe me two cuppas of scandalitious!

Two? Why two?!

Double or nothing. Quiz Quest Channel special. Remember!

Fine!

But why you'd want to read that tawdry, tacky, trashy...

Captain Sky was hot bod of the week?

And, um, where can I buy this?

HORN HONKS

Guys, focus!

-Sorry, Sas. Give us the deets.

-Well...

-SPEAKS RAPIDLY:

-I plastered him him in ketchup

and chased him round the table and it collapsed.

It wasn't that bad! He didn't need stitches or anything.

OK, maybe two.

But I don't understand.

I just tried to be confident and fabulous

but he doesn't like me, he likes trog-face Chloe.

Well, what did you expect?

Every boy in the Y Club fancies her.

-I don't.

-You're not every boy.

I don't understand.

What's trog-face got that I haven't?

Colossal hair, she-she nails, a co-ordinated wardrobe,

and that uber-cool LA princess thing sewn up.

So...that's exactly what I'll get!

-Brilliant!

-Stupid!

Nuh-uh. It ain't over with a makeover.

Two popsicles says it gets her a date.

Popsicle-schmopsicle!

Enough with this childish betting, Kit.

Let's raise the stakes.

One of Ms V's triple-chocolate monster shakes.

You're on!

MUSIC: "American Idiot" by Green Day

HE SINGS OUT OF TIME: # Don't wanna be an American idiot

# Don't want a nation under the new media

# And can you hear the sound of hysteria? #

Stop!

We're getting worse, not better.

My voice hurts from making it so gravelly.

Are you sure this is what Sadie likes?

Never mind that.

I've got one day to prove I can kick it as a rock god for real!

I'm never going to do it at this rate.

-Which means I'm never going to marry Sash.

-What?

Nothing.

MUSIC CHANGES: "Flying Without Wings" by Westlife

# A simple line can make you laugh

# Or cry...

BOTH SING ALONG: # You'll find it in the deepest friendship

# The kind you cherish all your life

# And when you know how much that means...

# You've found... #

RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS

This is perfectamundo, Kit! I look exactly like her.

Joe is going to be blown away.

-Yeah, if he can get past the real trog-face.

-Leave it to me.

-AS MS V:

-Chloe to ze office, please. I want a word.

And don't pull that face!

HE GASPS Sadie!

You look kind of...different.

-GIRLISHLY:

-You're so funny, Joe! I've always looked like this.

Oops! Sorry. Um...

-Someone is playing games.

-Sadie?

-Chloe!

-BTW, what

-are

-you wearing?

I always wear stuff like this cos I'm an uber-cool girly girl

and my favourite colour is rainbows.

That's how I roll.

Talking of rolling, there was something I wanted to ask you.

How fantabulous is this?!

He's going to ask me out in front of trog-face!

Get in!

My trail bike's backfiring. Could you take a look at it?

-Oh, right. Yep. No worries.

-See?

That's the real Sas.

A spanner-happy grease monkey in overalls.

Practically a boy.

Sorry to burst your bubble,

but I grew out of all that tomboy stuff ages ago.

I'm an uber-cool girly girl now.

In fact, I wouldn't know an exhaust pipe from a drainpipe these days!

-But you said...

-When I said yes, I meant...my dad could do it!

You don't know how much that means! I'm over the moon. Jupiter's moon!

-Anyway, I'll bring it round later?

-Great!

Just one more thing.

Mind if I watch your dad fix it? I need to learn that stuff.

Of...course!

Great.

-Please, please, pretty please with a side of fries!

-No way!

-I'm already miles behind because of Ugly Betty here.

-Watch it!

-I HAVE to get this bike fixed.

-You'll just have to fix it yourself.

-You know your way around a trail bike.

-But I'm not allowed!

What do you mean...?

What's going on? What are you wearing?

Nothing! I always... dress like this! Ah!

You see, there's this person that likes trog-face Chloe

that doesn't like me, so I thought if I was more like her, this boy...

Boy? Did she say boy?

Oh, boy. A boy? Oh, right. Wow. I wasn't really prepared for this.

I thought maybe in a few years' time when you're...45 or something...

I think she needs "the talk", Steve.

Really? The talk?

The talk.

Uh...

I...

You see, it's-it's like this.

There's...there's these bees...

..and-and-and there's birds and...

Bees and bird.

-I wish your mother was here.

-I just need the bike fixed!

I can't do it cos I told Joe I'd grown out of all that tomboy stuff.

He's got a name! He's got a name! Why does he have to have a name?

Listen, I can see where you're coming from here

and I just want to say that in my experience,

a dump truck never got very far by pretending to be a Porsche.

Are you calling me a dump truck?

BOYS SING IN DISTANCE

Oh! Right!

# The kind you cherish all your life

# And when you know what it means

# You've found that special thing

# You're flying without wings. #

Very good. Very nice.

Very nice?

Tremendatious! I take it that's what you'll be doing for karaoke.

-BOTH:

-No way!

Janny don't do sloppy love songs.

-Janny?

-Our band name. It worked for Jedward.

Our band name, it worked for Jedward.

Jedward?

-So why can't Janny be a boy band?

-Because we're rockers!

-You do like rockers, don't you?

-I prefer boy bands.

-We're doing a love song.

-No! We'll look like right muppets.

Shouldn't you just do what you're good at?

So are you telling them to be dump trucks?

Joe, I'm going to have to come clean.

I'll have that Monster Shake this afternoon!

I tried to get my dad to fix your bike...

but I couldn't.

-Therefore your mechanic is going to have to be...

-Keith.

Wow. They look...

-telescopic.

-Do you want your bike fixed or not?

'Course he does! (Get on with it.)

Thanks, Sadie, you're a star.

Possibly a Cepheid variable one!

Don't tell me, science joke.

Still don't get it.

-She's amazing, isn't she? Super cool, girly and full of...

-Fibs.

..fun.

-How can I say thanks?

-You could...

take me to the karaoke night tonight.

OMG, did I really just say that?

I've totally blown it now.

I did it! I bagged my first date!

SHE SCREAMS DELIGHTEDLY

You should be pleased she pulled it off.

Between me and you, it was touch and go.

Did I tell you? I bagged my first date!

My first date!

I am pleased,

I just can't bear losing a bet to a total tinsel brain.

-My first date!

-WOOF!

Yes!

Oh no... I bagged my first date.

My first date! My first date! MY FIRST DATE!

-Rock.

-Love.

-Rock.

-Love.

-Rock!

-Love!

-Janny are rockers!

-Not any more, we're doing a love song. End of.

Argh! I can't work like this.

Fine, then don't. Janny is officially over.

-Artistic differences.

-But our slot's at the Y!

-It's OK, I'll take it.

-Oh no, you won't.

-Try and stop me.

Watch the paintwork. And the shell.

-And the torso.

-I know what I'm doing.

CLANG!

Oops!

# You're beautiful

# You're beautiful... #

-Hop it, junior.

-Hop it?

Oh, "hop it".

The term "hop it" originates from...

HE DRILLS LOUDLY

-Back again.

-Special deliver...

Is that a ZX 200?

-You like bikes?

-I love them.

(Thank you.)

Er, I'm a bit of a bike expert myself, as it happens.

-Just a couple of fuses gone on this one, that's all.

-Really?

I never know how to change them.

Do you mind showing me some time?

Great. When are you free?

How about now?

Now's good. First off, you find the fuse.

Right.

BANG!

I can't go on a date, I've never had one.

What do you do on a date? What do you say?

How long are they? Is there a timetable? Are there rules?

What if I fart?!

Help me, Chezza, please!

Relax, just be yourself.

How can I be myself when I'm being somebody else?

He'll totally find out I'm a fraud. Why didn't you stop me?

Look, what you've done isn't that bad -

bending the truth, pretending you're someone you're not,

lying, cheating, identity theft.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this but...

# Sassy J's fierce and fearless

# She's the girl who's peerless

# Strong and proud, she lives out loud

-# But if the girl don't prove it...

-Girl's gonna lose it! #

The pep rap always works. WOOF!

You're right, I can do this.

Yay! Crisis over.

Can we go now? Some of us have sequins to sew on our jeggings.

Knock him dead.

And not literally.

KNOCK AT DOOR

What now?

There's been a bit of an accident.

You were supposed to fix it, not wreck it!

Love makes you do funny things.

You should know that.

Keith, you ready? >

Please don't let him know I did this, he'll kill me.

Just coming!

Hey, Dad!

Steady on. Keith, have you gone bowling or not?

He's not going, he's got a date with the postman, er, woman, that girl.

-Really? I wasn't aware of any sparks flying.

-Stop!

Er, did I tell you I'm meeting Joe tonight?

Do you have any dating tips for me cos I think he's The One?

Er, The One... Oh dear, is that the time? I, erm...

I've got to go. Bowls, bowls and all that.

SINGING KARAOKE BADLY

Mmm, this is de-delicious.

You do know that's 2,000 calories, don't you?

Already jazz stepping it out.

-Hey, guys, have you seen Sadie?

-Yep.

She's about this high, wild hair and zero idea how to dress.

Non-science joke.

Hey, Joe, want to dance? Yes, thanks.

No date, no drink.

Look, a meteor shower!

-So who's up next?

-Me!

-Me!

-And what are you singing?

-Love song.

-Rock song.

-Rock.

-Love.

-Rock.

-Love.

-Rock!

-Love!

Quiet! You both signed up, so you both have to perform.

Don't make me call Miss V.

All done. Phew!

HE STARTS ENGINE

Er, Sadie, you've got a bit of...

Oh, nothing, nothing. You're perfect.

Oh, good. Now what's the, er...?

Oh no, I'm late for my date!

How am I going to get to the Y?

HE REVS ENGINE

We're doing a rock song!

No, we're not, we're doing a love song!

TYRES SCREECH

CRASH!

You might need to have a look at those brakes when you get back.

I knew I forgot something.

Where's Joe?

You can't see him like that, you need a makeover.

Or a miracle!

-Is everything OK?

-Yes, she's fine.

-Messy, but fine.

-I meant with my bike!

All fixed. Shall we dance?

-I don't think so, he's with me.

-Whatevers, we're on a date.

Guys, we're just friends.

-See.

-See.

I meant all three of us.

They can't both be your friend, this isn't France.

Tell her you like me better, Joe, the clean, sparkly me, obviously!

I don't care what you look like, Sass.

Or you, Chloe. I'm sorry but none of you are my type.

Fine, your loss. FYI, you may be hot,

but you're still a nerdy-birdy!

But...But what is your type?

Call me a geek, but I prefer someone who likes what I like -

Sci-Fi channel, quantum cosmology, inter-stellar combustion fusion...

Though, technically, they cover the same ground.

# Flying without wings... #

Urgh, no, I don't think so!

Captain Skylow's the only man for me.

Thank you.

What's wrong with me?

The first time I fall for a guy and he's not interested.

Don't worry, Sass, you'll get over it.

Is he mad? I'm fabulicious!

And she's got over it.

Will I ever find true love?

# I've been waiting

# For a girl like you

# To come into my life

# I've been waiting

# For a girl like you

# A love that will survive... #

Oh pur-leeze(!)

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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