Robobootylicious Sadie J

-RADIO:

-'Sadie, what were JLS called before they were JLS?

'Remember, no conferring allowed.'

I don't even know the meaning of "conferring".

The Waves? The Bunnies?

The Goldfish Bowl Heads?

UFO? Oh. Is it UFO?

'Sadie, you said UFO.

'The answer is...

'UFO! Congratulations!

'You have just won front-row tickets to see JLS in concert on Friday.

'Terms and conditions, all under-18s must be accompanied by an adult.'

-I did it!

-Yay you! Nice dungarees.

Have you combed your hair? How about a fudge brownie? My treat.

I always go carb-crazy when I'm celebrating.

-She wants my JLS ticket.

-It's not your ticket.

Ha-ha. Pur-leeze!

You've got your robotic lame-fest on Friday. You're not going.

Robo Fight Night is not lame!

-My ninja-bot is gonna obliterate the opposition.

-Whatevers!

The main thing is we're going to JLS! Sing it!

# JLS!

# JLS! JLS...! #

-Didn't you listen to the terms and conditions?

-Terms and con what?

All under-18s must be accompanied by an adult.

I have to take an oldie to see JLS?

Why is the system loaded against the young and beautiful?

-I was desperate to meet those boys.

-I'm so sorry, Kit.

What will I do without you?

Hey, Dad. You're taking me to JLS on Friday! It's gonna rock!

This kind of stress goes straight to my T-zone!

I can feel a zit brewing. Spa o'clock! I need pampering. Fast!

You're taking your dad to see JLS?

Yeah. Problem?

No problem. Apart from embarrassing dad.

Ooh, and embarrassing dad. And, further more, embarrassing dad.

My dad is NOT embarrassing.

MUSIC: "The Club Is Alive" by JLS

He's been doing it for hours.

All right, Sasta? Check out the Dadsta.

Just can't wait to ROCK to JLS.

You know! Ooh!

OMG.

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surround by boys?

# Give me a break

# Their attitude is kinda cute

# But when they're in trouble Takes a girl to save the day

# I'd love another girl around to the place to be her

# Someone to back me up so I always have the last word

# Guess it's hard to be the only girl in a boy's world

# Girl, girl in a boy's world

# I know I'm stronger cos I got a positive mental attitude

# I'm understanding, kind of sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't want to be the only girl

# In a boy's world. #

I need to find a cool oldie right now.

Denise, Dermot, Steve and Tess won't take my calls.

And Harry Potter doesn't exist.

Suggestions.

-Miss V isn't gonna know JLS.

-I know JLS.

I prefer XZJ.

They are huge in Klyberda.

Las vienas vititis! Labasena gerulitis!

Ow! Hot! Crazy!

XJS!

Two shakalaka shakes, please.

I'm not asking for much.

Just someone glamilicious, fabulistic.

Someone like...

Dede's mum!

-Dede, what are you doing?

-Ssh!

-Hey! Sas.

-Hi, Maddy. Nice dress. Hair.

Shoes. Nails. Everything.

-Where's Deeds?

-I have no idea.

Delia!

You're not supposed to be here. We signed a treaty in triplicate.

Yeah. I know. But I brought you something for the robot.

Check out the bag! She's perfect!

-Please say it's a variable pneumatic actuator.

-Hm. Close.

Ta-da!

Mum! What's a ninja-bot gonna do with this?

I thought that it looks pretty.

-Is that so bad?

-Pretty? We'll be a laughing stock on Friday.

Are you kidding? Now, if ONLY she likes JLS.

Ooh, I LOVE JLS. I am, like, their biggest fan.

Mum! The agreement! Read your own copy at home.

I did try to get tickets but it clashes with your robo fight.

-I would not miss that for the world.

-Mum!

Well, step aside, world, cos she's coming with me!

-The treehouse!

-I can't wait any longer!

But where are you gonna put them?

I love this house.

So, THAT's what six months' pocket money looks like.

-Your pile's bigger than mine.

-What can I say?

It's not my fault I get £3 more a week!

-Not fair!

-Here.

-Ready?

-Let the Dino Ninja Warrior sticker-fest commence!

-Crashdactyl!

-In exchange for...?

-Trakabot.

-Deal.

-Sumuraptor?

-As if? That's the most common card in the entire series.

But I WILL take it off your hands if you throw in a T-Hex.

What? The legendary leader of the Dino Ninja Warriors? Come off it.

I've been looking for that since I was born!

Strength, 10.

Ninja power, 10. Deadliness...

BOTH: 10!

I don't know anyone who's got one or SEEN one.

-I don't think it exists.

-Jakey boy, I disagree.

I've a feeling that today is our lucky day.

It's in there somewhere.

-Where IS he?

-I told you the T-Hex doesn't exist.

My life is over. O-V-A.

The spa has closed for redecoration.

Look at me!

I know. I'm a monster.

Wow! That is INSANE!

I can't believe it.

T-T-T-HEX!

I've bought a million packs and haven't found one. It's fate!

Argh!

What? This old thing? Sadie swapped it for a bag of Cheesy Bites.

I thought, "Well, the emerald glow does match my eyes."

Two packets of Cheesy Bites and I'll take it.

-Three.

-Four!

-Anything!

Anything.

You need T-Hex and I need my T-zone cleansed. Have we got a deal?

BOTH: Done!

OK, Kit, listen up. I need to get Maddy to come to the JLS concert.

I've already asked Dad. I need to get rid of him and get with her.

Which is why I've come up with Operation Parent Swap.

-Don't do it.

-Too late. Call waiting.

Hey, Maddy. Mads, the Madsta.

-Hi, Sadie. You OK?

-All right. You've twisted my arm!

Don't say anything, but Dede doesn't want you to go to Robo Fight Night.

-Did she say that?

-No.

She said she'd rather eat her Skylo boots than be seen with you.

I thought I'd just soften the blow. I know. Two ticks.

-Hello?

-Hey, Dad. Guess what?

-You're taking Dede to Robo Fight Night on Friday.

-Why?

-It's not me. Her mum doesn't want to take her.

-She said that?

She said she'd rather shave her hair and beat a car with an umbrella.

You couldn't make it up!

Oh, I've built up my own dance and everything.

# The club is alive with the sound of music... #

I know, but Dede's my BFF and BFF comes before JLS.

Check your dictionary. You're going.

-Maddy?

-Kit.

Get off the line.

-Who me?

-No. So, how are you feeling?

-Well, I'm upset.

-If there was only a way of cheering you up.

I hate the thought of you staying in on a Friday night.

I know! Why don't you come and see JLS with me?

-Really?

-Great. See you at 7. Bye.

Still on the line. I know you don't want my...

And I'm home free.

OK, fine, Mum.

-Problem?

-You won't believe what my mum's just done. She's such a flake.

She told me she was coming to Robo Fight Night. Now she's bailed on me.

-How am I supposed to get there?

-Oldies, huh? What you gonna do?

I can't take the Dedenator on the bus. I can't go!

No, don't give up like that. I'm sure something will turn up.

Something's turned up. My dad can take you.

-He's taking you to the concert.

-Not any more. I insist he takes you.

Robo Fight Night is WAY more important than some silly concert to see one of the best boy bands ever.

-Thanks, Sas. You'd do that for me?

-What are BFFs for?

-WHISPERS:

-JLS!

I'm out of seaweed smoothie! Who's going to fetch me the next one?

I will!

One of you get me a smoothie. The other, exfoliate my face.

Not the cherry scrub. I'm berry intolerant.

You know what? You go.

-Really?

-Yeah. I'll take one for the team.

-OK.

So, going anywhere nice in the holidays?

I said exfoliate, not tickle. Work those fingers!

Bliss. Keep going.

I took the precaution of removing T-Hex from my bag.

I'm not a total idiot.

-Right.

-That's enough, Roger.

Since you're less skilled at exfoliating than a dog,

you can do my feet instead.

Eugh!

MUSIC: "One Shot" by JLS

Nice moves. Is that your dad's routine for the concert?

Actually, Dad's not taking me.

I'm going with Maddy. Mads. The Madster. She's SO cool.

Designer clothes, perfect make-up, impossibly bouncy hair.

-Really?

-Yeah. I'm meeting her in five.

-I, er... I think she's here early.

-Really?

What do you reckon? How fabulous is she?

Oh, this is fabulous, all right.

You just wait! Everyone's going to be turning around, pointing at us,

-thinking, "Who are THEY?"

-They sure will.

-Hiya.

-Hey, Ma... What are you wearing?

What do you think?

I knew it. It's too subtle, isn't it?

Aren't you going to introduce us?

Whitney, this is Maddy.

-Dede's mum.

-Hiya.

Don't get me wrong. I love it all.

But what's with the hat and the lunch box?

Well, we don't want to waste time queuing up for snacks.

So... Hold this.

Personalised carrot sticks carved into the shape of the band!

-So they are!

-There's Oritse.

JB, Aston and Marvin, my favourite!

Mwa! Oh, boys.

We forgot the six-foot banners. We'll be right back.

# Down! The.... #

OMG. I need to get my dad back.

Dad, there's been a change of plan.

-Dad?

-Sorry, Sas. I'm busy here.

If we increase battery power we'll extend capacity for weaponry.

Fantastic! You know what I've always wanted?

-A flame-thrower gun turret?

-Zingon blasters!

It's like you read my mind.

I don't know what's got into him, playing with toys.

Kids today, eh?

Dad.

Systems activated.

Check it out! The Steedee Stampeedee.

It's a pun, you see? His name's Steve.

And she's Dede.

I get it.

Dad, listen.

-About Friday night...

-Yeah. Listen.

Sas, thanks for introducing me to robo combat.

So much better than JFX.

The Steedee Stampeedee has already got over 1,000 Facebook fans.

Let's try out this new attacking move, yeah?

Stealth operation initiated.

It's programmed not to harm humans.

Just wreck their lives. Not on MY watch.

-I got the mud for your mud mask.

-Me too.

-Mine's the muddiest.

My mud's muddier than a muddy bit of mud.

Such a choice.

-Whose are you gonna choose?

-You get half a face each.

Hold up. Are you sure this is a Dead Sea mud pack?

Of course it is.

Where's the 53 minerals, the timeless mystery of the Middle East?

It's all there. Take a good whiff.

SNIFFS I'm getting algae, bull-rushes...

crisp packets and kebab wrappers?

You didn't root around the canal underneath the shopping trollies?

What's the difference? Mud's mud, right?

KIT SCREAMS

I've gone into acne overdrive. The zits have landed.

I'm a pizza-face pus-monster.

That's it!

The T-Hex is going down!

BOTH: No-o-o!

Look, it's nothing personal. You've come between me and my dad.

And nobody comes between me and my dad. Except me. And JLS.

This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.

Ish.

Relax, I'm just going to put it out of action for Friday.

Motion detected.

-Shut it. Someone will hear you.

-Defence mode initiated.

Intruder! Intruder!

-Shut up!

-Warning! Warning!

Intruder! Intruder!

Ow! Ow! Ow...! Ow...

-CRACKLING

-Oops.

At least it's out of action for Friday

and every other Friday for ever.

I'd better hide it before Dede finds it.

She's behind me, isn't she?

Phew!

I'm over here.

Deeds, I can...

-I... I can explain.

-Don't bother!

Don't look at me like that.

I'm not a monster. Ever seen a monster do this?

'Wye ay man pet. You've gone too far.'

I know. But at least now I get to go to the JLS concert.

KNOCK KNOCK

Hey. Do you know anything about this?

I don't know what that is. Part of the microwave? What's Danny done?

It's the Steedee Stampeedee.

Well, it was. It's wrecked.

You've twisted my arm. It was Dede.

What? Why?

Off the top of my head, you know what a perfectionist she is.

She said it would never be good enough so she just...

Not good enough? That robot was brilliant.

Maybe... Maybe it wasn't the robot.

Maybe it was closer to home. Closer to this room. In this room.

In overalls.

Me?

-You think

-I'm

-not good enough?

Not me. Dede. She's a tortured genius.

-No-one lives up to her standards. At least she didn't cut off her ear.

-Poor girl.

-I'd better go and ring her.

-No.

She didn't want any contact for three weeks.

Maybe even a month.

Six months. Till the whole thing's forgotten.

-Think so?

-Yeah. Trust me.

I'm her BFF, right? Anyway!

On the bright side, at least we get to go to the concert.

Gimme a yay!

FEEBLE: Yay.

Oh, bless. He'll get over it.

Close the door on your way out. I've got a concert outfit to plan.

Give me back my T-Hex!

-Give me back my T-Hex!

-MY T-Hex! < Gentlemen!

I think you'll find it's MY T-Hex, but not for much longer.

Keith! The shredder!

-What?

-It makes paper turn into little strips.

The paper spaghetti maker!

JAKE: No. No. No.

No, please!

Fire it up!

No-o-o!

Yes! This T-Hex is going down.

Literally. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

BOTH: No.

This isn't a T-Hex. It's a J-Hex.

-No, it's not.

-Yeah, it is. It's got to be transparent against the light.

-Can you see through that?

-He's right! We don't want THAT.

Yes, you do. It's a collector's item.

I cut your toenails for that!

I squeezed his pussy spot.

Time for your oil treatment!

No. No. NO!

The old "transparent" gag! Works every time.

Finally! My collection is complete!

Ah. Kids today, eh?

DING DONG

DING DONG All right. All right.

Keep your hair on... Hi, Maddy.

-Steve.

-Come in.

-How's Dede?

-Well, she's very upset.

Of course. Of course. Any idea why she did it?

-I was hoping you could tell me that.

-Apparently, she just...

-..battered it to a pulp. It wasn't good enough.

-Not good enough?

-What are you going to do?

-Me?

-She's your daughter.

-Dede's my daughter?

-Sadie! She's the one who did this.

-No...

Actually, that does make sense.

I don't understand why you'd do this.

Well, I wanted you to come to the concert with me.

Then I wanted you to come to the concert with me. Simple!

-So you lied to both of us?

-A...bit, but no harm done. Right?

-No harm done(!)

-It all worked out OK.

You and I can go to the concert and you and Dede can...

..have a night in?

A night out?

OK, a pizza. Which is like a night out, in.

-Somebody needs an apology.

-Now.

-Fine. I'm sorry, OK?

-Not us!

-Not us.

Dede. Unless she forgives you, you're not going to the concert.

How is that ever going to happen?

This is how. Flowers. Choccies.

And a signed photo of Captain Skylo.

I signed it, but she doesn't need to know that.

-Deeds...!

-I know the score. Your dad told me when he brought me this.

-You can only go to the concert if I forgive you.

-So...do you?

Thank you!

No.

I know you're furious with me...

Talk to the robot cos the human ain't listening.

I am really truly sorry. What will it take for you to forgive me?

-AND get me to the JLS concert. I'd do anything.

-Turn back time.

That's the only way I'd have a robot for Robo Fight Night.

-That's what I'll do.

-You can't turn back time.

-It exists in discrete non-linear blocks. You can't manipulate them. Yet.

-Unless you're Sassy J.

We're going back.

This baby is gonna be bigger, better and Robobootylicious!

Good luck.

I pulled an all-nighter but I reckon it was worth it.

Presenting the Sadedenator. It's a pun.

-Her name's Dede and...

-ALL: We get it!

It's got double crushers and a triple impact laser-guided spiker!

-OMG, Sas. This is better than mine.

-Is that the paper shredder?

-Yeah.

This baby is gonna make mincemeat out of the competition.

Looks like you pulled it off this time.

-It's brilliant.

-I know. It's even got voice control.

Shredder on.

Shredder on.

Shredder off.

Shredder on.

No. Shredder off.

Shredder on.

Turn it off now, Sas.

I'm trying. I don't know what to do.

It's a shredder. It'll only stop when it's full. Give it paper!

Need paper! Need paper!

Need paper!

Need paper! Paper!

-It's not enough!

-There's no more paper. Only...

-The tickets!

-Do it!

-Do it!

What about Aston?

JB? Oritse? Marvin?

What about my face?

Paper! Paper!

Shredder off. Thank you.

We're saved!

No!

If it's any consolation, I forgive you.

No-o-o-o!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Ah! Ticket!

Put your hand out.

There's definitely a J in there.

Here's an L. Ish. Actually, that looks like a T.

Fine.

I don't think so.

What? Worth a shot!