Fashiontastic Sadie J

That's why, in 1381, the peasants revolted

and stormed the Tower of London. Am I right? Am I right?

Sadie!

You're so not taking this seriously!

-You do realise I flunked the last history class quiz?

-Flunked?

-You got 99 points.

-I want 100!

You know how I feel about round numbers.

Frank Lampard! The crowd go wild. It's a perfect goal!

I don't think so. Can't you see we are studying here?

Don't be a spoilsport. We've just signed up for the footie try-outs.

We're going to be millionaires!

Haven't you seen Panther's new transfer deal?

-Its mammoth!

-That's why we need your help to up our game.

Sorry, Sass can't do that.

Because I'm a super-girlie, fabulicious non-tomboy?

-No, because you've promised to help me today - duh!

-OK.

-Pass the pillar!

-OK, OK.

What major event occurred in 1154?

Kit Karter got asked to organise the Y Club fair and fashion show.

Actually, I got the job at 11:52.

-But let's not quibble over details.

-Fantastic, Kit-Kat!

-I thought trog-face Chloe always did that?

-Not any more.

I am now the official Y Club charity fair and fashion show organiser.

-Or Y-C-C.F.A.F.S.O, for short.

-Catchy.

And I get a blinged-up Bluetooth Britney headset!

-Britney?

-Bluetooth?

-Ya-huh!

My vision for the day is insane. There'll be shi-shi stalls,

a gold tombola, a delicious disc competition

and a frock face-off at the fashion show. I'm literally tingling.

But Kit, I'd make a perfect designer.

What does his outfit say to you?

"This girl has been living with guys all her life."

Oh, come on. Fashion is in my blood!

Yeah, because Steve's overalls are so chic(!)

I was talking about my mum. Check these out. All original designs.

Please!

It would have been her dream to have me succeed

-in something she was so good at.

-Don't play the dead-mum card.

-Please!

-OK, fine.

-Yes! Go, Sassy. Go, Sassy...

As long as you swear on the fashion bible that you won't mess up.

I won't let you down, Brownies' honour.

-You got chucked out of the Brownies.

-It was a set-up!

I did not shave off Brown Owl's eyebrows. Well, not both of them.

Kitty-Kat, all you need to know is that nothing

is going to stop me designing a totally fashiontastic outfit.

# Won't somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys

# Give me a break

# They got attitude, kind of cute But when they're in trouble

# Takes a girl to save the day

# I'd love another girl around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always Have the last word

# I guess it's hard to be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# I know I'm stronger cos I got a positive mental attitude

# Understanding kind and sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't want to be the only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Maybe footie's just not for us.

As if. Paraldino is my middle name.

No, it's not. It's Bert.

-Something simple's missing, that's all.

-Skill.

-Talent. Genius.

-That's it!

Look. What's Pazza wearing in every one of these pictures?

-Earrings?

-Panther XLS footie bootie, fudge face.

If we can them that transfer cash is as good as ours.

-What about hard work and constant training?

-Totally overrated.

Watch this.

-So, what do you think?

-That you're not going out like that.

Oh, right, then. I'll let you buy me a real pair.

Ha, ha! Dream on.

Take those upstairs to Stella McCartney, will you?

-I love you, Steve.

-Oh, thanks, mate.

Feeling's not mutual but each to his own, eh? Come on, Roger. Up.

No, I meant I love that you cannot cook. You're the worst, ever.

Every day is just a... junk food bonanza.

It's not.

My mum's always trying to make me eat those... Ugh. ..green thingies.

-Vegetables?

-Exactly.

But Danny and Sass, they're so lucky you're rubbish in the kitchen.

Just a minute, sunshine.

I'll have you know, yeah, that I am not rubbish in the kitchen.

-I'm a regular Gordon Ramsay when I want to be.

-What, shouty and scary?

No, I mean a top chef. My...fish a la gold is divine.

It's just that Sadie and Danny, they...they won't eat it.

That's why we've to put up with, on a daily basis,

this easy-to-cook cheap...muck.

Ah, yes. I could be a real Jamie Oliver. If I was ten years under.

And learned to cook.

Clear the runway.

I'm ready for a fashiontastic flight of fabuliciousness.

# The glamorous

# Glamorous, glamorous The glamorous

# Oh, flouncy, flouncy

# Glamorous...

# The glamorous, glamorous...

I knew I was good. But not this good!

Maybe I'm not so rubbish at this girly stuff, after all.

-Can we please get on with my history revision? Argh!

-I know, right?

It's so faboo, it's frightening.

It's like I've been possessed by the spirit of...Channel.

-Chanel?

-And her.

-Look, I know I don't know anything about fashion...

-Mwah, bless!

Don't worry, Dedes. I'll be your style guru.

But first I have to give Kit a peek of my design.

He is going to go bonkalicious!

Ouch. That actually hurt my eyes.

On three. One, two...

-Oh. I got excited.

-Well, you shouldn't have.

We're not going to buy much with two buttons. And an IOU.

What are we going to do?

We could make tons of wonga. Please!

It's for charity. I've only got one stall left.

All you need to do is get a load of junk together and flog it.

Hey presto, instant cash! What do you mean you've got no junk?

Your house is full of it.

Hello?

Granny?

-Yes?

-We'll take that stall off your hands.

-Hm. My card.

Y-C-C.F.A.F.S.O. They couldn't fit in the O so it's on the back.

Now, the stall is in a lovely corner spot.

Not much foot traffic and twice the price of the others.

Which I think you'll agree is a plus.

It's a deal.

It's also legally binding. BTW, what charity is it for?

-Because it has to be for a charity. Snoresville, I know.

-Shame.

-It's for Panthers XLS footie...

-OMG!

I love big cats. What's wrong with the poor things?

They've, um, got...

-..spots.

-I've been there myself.

You wouldn't believe the trouble I've had with this T-zone.

Anyway, nice doing business with you, boys. Ciao!

Spotty panthers?

What are you on about? We want to make money for footie boots.

And we will, Jakey boy. I just invented a fake charity!

-All the money at the fair goes to us!

-But we've got nothing to sell.

A minor detail.

# And I love what you do But you know that you're toxic... #

-You got the Y-C-C.F.A.F.S.O gig?

-Guilty.

-A ha! This is just too good. I love it.

-No, you don't!

You're eaten up with jealousy. You can't believe I stole

-such a fabulous job from you.

-Fabulous?

Did you have a brain fart? Running the fair is hard work.

-I nearly lost my pinkie hammering down the catwalk.

-Lies. All lies!

Excusez-moi! When would you like to go over my vision of the fair?

Vision? What vision?

My creative vision. Picture it.

There'll be a gold tombola, shi-shi stalls and a maypole.

I don't know why, but I just love those ribbons.

The fair and fashion show are nothing to do with vision.

They're to do with hard work.

Setting out the stalls, getting the best designers,

building the catwalk.

Watch that pinkie.

I'm beginning to wonder if you are tough enough for the job.

But, but, but!

Have you seen Kit? I need to speak see him about the frock-off.

Please tell me you are doing it, because I will so whoop

your unfashionable butt.

Oh, really? Well, we'll see about that, won't we?

# Glamorous, the glamorous, glamorous The glamorous... #

-MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

-O.M.G.

It's like Big Bird barfed over a trash bag.

If that's your design for the fashion show,

you are going to get roasted.

-Are you crazy? It's my...uniform for my, er, new job.

-What new job?

At the Chicken Shack, on the high street. Yeah.

I stand outside singing and dancing about their, um, menu.

Do it. Do it now.

Oh, let's see. How does it go?

# If you want some drumsticks Come on in

# Fries and sides and onion rings. #

All soft drinks included, no refills after 6pm. Mm, yummy!

At least Kit hasn't seen me.

What in the name of Gaga?!

If that's your design, my event management career is officially over.

-O-V-A-R.

-This? Don't be ridonkulous!

Question 62. Why was everyone in England a Christian?

Oh, too easy. It was the law.

Correct, Dedes. Well done. You're so going to get 100.

Why didn't you tell me I looked like a... Like a...

-Diseased bird?

-No!

OK, yeah. I got followed home by a gang of street cats.

They ate my wing.

Perhaps designing's not my thing after all.

-Yeah.

-You're supposed to disagree! It's in my genes, remember.

If my mum could do it, so can I.

I just haven't found my fashion mojo yet, that's all.

Maybe I'll have to coax it out. Like a ferret.

Look, I've got history revision to do.

-Are you going to keep on about this all day?

-And night.

Fine. Why don't I help you? A problem shared is a problem halved.

Fundamentally, that saying is mathematically flawed.

Ah, you'd do that, for me?

What do you want?

OK, here's the deal.

3.5 hours of history revision, 100 questions, zero interruptions.

Kind of like a mock quiz only six times longer.

You're on. Put it there, sister.

You have seriously been living with boys too long.

Check out our the new sign for our stall, Jakey-boy.

-Save a spotty panther. The shame of having zits. Well....

-I know!

And look at these. I wrote a handout on the pimply pussycats.

Then I thought words are useless without pictures, so I made these.

The crowds are going to go cat-crazy at the fair tomorrow!

I'm so good, I deserve the robot.

Danny, get a grip. These cats don't exist!

This is about getting boots, to get on the footie squad,

to get a transfer deal,

so we can get rich and I can retire before I've even had a job.

All right - keep you knickers on.

It's not like I'm getting carried away.

Are the spotty cat mugs available on the website?

-Ooh!

-Get your spatula out, Steve. The kitchen is calling.

-Have you been having sherbet dip on your cereal again?

-I'm serious.

I was thinking about what you said yesterday

and I thought, I've got to help Steve. And then I saw this.

There's a "delicious dish competition" at the fair.

It's time for you to come out of the culinary closet

and show everybody what you can do.

-Ah, I... Look, I... I couldn't.

-But this is your dream.

-The dream died.

-It's for a very worthy cause.

All proceeds go to the Spotty Panthers Foundation.

-And you want to help them, don't you?

-Of course, but...

-Brilliant.

You're going to knock spots off them. Get it? That joke was spot-on.

-I did it again.

-I know.

-Did you spot that?

-Yep.

-I'm on fire!

-That's lovely.

OK, now.

From my albeit short but in-depth, nay, encyclopaedic research

I have discovered that fashion is about themes.

-Nautical, fantastical...

-Popsicle?

-No - that's an ice lolly.

Now, if you were to pick, oh, I don't know, history, as your theme,

then you would take looks from each era and put them together.

Kind of like....

..a tabard from medieval England, first used in 1403.

And an Elizabethan corset, originally made from rope - not whalebone.

And...

..a corona from ancient Rome. Corona means light halo.

See?

Wow - not bad, eh?

Maybe I should enter this jaunty little number myself.

OK, firstly, don't ever say "jaunty" again and secondly,

this dress is a blagh, with a capital agh.

-Ah. But you're still going to help me, right?

-OK.

-Brilliant!

Meet me in half an hour.

I've got to pick up my buzzer from the hardware store.

-I've had one made specially. Call me crazy!

-You're crazy.

Don't get up. I'm having a career crisis.

Ms V doesn't think I'm tough enough to be the Y-C-C.F.A.F.S.O

and I'm beginning to agree. BTW, what are you wearing?

-Ugh, I know. It's.

-So fierce! It should be on a leash.

-OMG, you designed that?

-Um....yeah

Potato-patata! You do have designer genes after all.

And I don't mean Diesel ones. How did you do it?

I...slaved for hours, stitching...

..yeah, the stitches, creating the Elizabethan medieval corona.

Yeah, it was all me.

If Sadie can create that, then the Kit-Kat can beef up and battle on.

Sassy J, you're an inspiration.

What? Didn't you hear him? I'm an inspiration.

And a big, fat liar.

Pestle-ground Peruvian pepper to a soupcon of langoustine stock.

I've read clearer Japanese car manuals.

Dad? I'm going to say something to you and I just need you to say "OK."

-OK?

-OK. OK.

-No, just OK.

-OK!

-Right, there you go.

Right, well, um, my friend... Let's call her... Schmadie.

She really wants to do something,

but it might involve pretending someone else's...work is hers.

If she doesn't do it she'll look like a total tweenage loser.

That's OK, isn't it?

And does this other someone know what...Schmadie is going to do?

You were supposed to say "OK"! Although...

if the other person doesn't know then nobody gets hurt. Result.

Thanks, Dad!

Hang on! That's not what I meant...

What are you?

-Danny, we've got 4,000 hits on the website.

-Come on!

-Yeah, for a charity that doesn't exist.

-Chillax.

This time tomorrow it will all be over - money in the bank,

boots in the bag, on the brink of an international footballing career.

-Yo, Kit-Kat. What's up?

-No need for polite chit-chat.

This is not a social call.

My cousin, Sonali, heard all about your zitty tigers

and she wants to do a feature.

-This is bad. This is fraud. We could go to jail!

-Relax.

-Relax - it's probably just for the local rag.

-TV. Newsround?

I'd skip lunch because the camera adds a least 3Lb. 2.5 in my case.

I think I'm going to be sick.

What do you mean you've got no paper cups in stock?

Is this or is this not Paper Cup World?

Hello? Hello?

What are you doing? This is not a time for the sitting around.

All these people here want to set up their stalls next to

-the spotty panther stall, so what you going to do?

-I don't know.

You're the organiser, so organise.

I am warning you, Kitty-Kat,

you let me down and I crush you to the pulp

and I take away your Britney Bluetooth boppavicious headset.

ALL TALK AT ONCE

Look! It's Justin Bieber!

OK, so we're agreed.

If I'm going to pretend I made that dress and not Dede,

she cannot be at the fashion show, OK? Just nod.

-So we're agreed. I have to put her off.

-Sass!

Sh! Here she comes.

-Ta and indeed da!

-Your new buzzer.

Correct. No points for that answer.

That's what I think of your revision.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not your history quiz slave.

What are you doing? I helped you with your stupid fashion design thingy.

-We had a deal.

-The deal's off.

Why should I help you when you were no help to me?

I spent ages showing you how to make a dress.

-Yeah, a rubbish one.

-If it's that rubbish, I'll have it back.

-I...

..tore it up. Yes, I couldn't bear to look at that wreck any longer.

Right, that's it.

As Captain Skylo would say, I'm getting out of this battle

before someone fires a zingler they can't handle.

Er, fine - don't come to the show tomorrow, then.

But I never mentioned that... I mean, fine - I won't.

Don't look at me like that.

I'll buy her a new buzzer.

So that's where that went. Thanks.

Nice seeing you.

Tell me. What are you doing hiding in there?

I wasn't hiding. I was studying the gear thingy.

-Mm.

-You know how much I love these...really shiny objects.

-Of course.

-And that's why you're a mechanic.

Spill.

It's nothing, really. It's not like Ms V wants to take away my headset

and grind me to a pulp.

And all because I can't lift the maypole,

move the chairs and build the catwalk.

-You mean do hard work?

-You say potato, I say potata.

Which is actually what I do best.

Tell me, what are you like with one of these spatulas?

Enough said.

How pukka is that, eh?

Just call me Jamie.

-Wow, almost as good as chips.

-Chips?

-What happened to your pinkies?

-Nothing.

-Not so fast.

-Ouch, morning face.

-Turning up so early?

I knew you'd leave everything to the last minute.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Don't answer that.

I am going to mince you like the porker that plumped the sausage.

-But first, give me that head-set.

-No! I am ready!

I will be the judge of that.

I was joking, of course.

I said to myself this morning, Venda,

that Kitty Katten really is the person for the job, and, look,

you have proved me right

which is why you can do this job every year from now on.

-Eh? Eh?

-Is that Kit's Pixie Lott pie?

No, now why are you asking?

Cos there's a pastry cutting of Pixie on it.

He does all the pop princesses.

Anyway, if you're looking for Sash,

she's already on her way down the wire.

-Oh, right. I suppose she told you we argued?

-Can I apologise for her?

I know she's got a way with words... a bit like a sledgehammer.

I think I might have pushed her over the edge with my quiz obsession.

I mean, what's in one point after rule?

Academic failure, a life full of odd numbers.

Yeah, anyway, look, the fashion show going on,

I'm sure you can get there.

Moral support and all the rest of it.

You're right, I'll be the bigger person and forgive.

Besides, that will definitely make her feel worse.

I like your style.

Chloe...

APPLAUSE

..is 14-and-half.

Her hobbies include ballet, playing the clarinet

and bare-knuckle fighting.

This is her first attempt in designing, and doesn't it show?

Watch it, Kit-bag.

-Beat that, loser.

-With pleasure.

Our next design was created by a very special friend of mine,

no, not Katie Perry, although we are like that.

-You wish.

-It's my besty and yours, Sassy J.

-That's my daughter, that is.

-That his daughter, that is.

-Wow, look at the craftsmanship on that, eh?

-Yeah, very crafty.

-But, Dede, you weren't supposed to be here.

-Obviously.

See, she's even runway original.

Bet you never see Kate Moss do that.

Anyway, back with the results in five.

-Hey, I'm Sanali, are you Danny or Jake?

-Dake, I mean Janny, Jake.

Great stall and what a story.

We'd like to make it quite personal, if that's OK?

Really get to the heart of what these spotty cats mean to you.

-But I... Danny.!

-Don't worry, if you need to prep,

there's plenty of time.

OK, going live in three, two...

I'm sure you'll all be buzzed to know that the winner

of the Frog Face-off is... drum roll, please.

Drum-roll.

Sadie J!

I don't know what to say. Seriously.

-Say thank you.

-Thank you.

But I... I can't accept this. I didn't design the dress.

I know, it designed itself. Stop being such a humble artiste.

Dede designed it.

I'm so sorry, Deeds, I thought fashion was in my genes,

not my denim jeans, but my genes genes.

But it's not.

I know I can strip an engine in 34 seconds

and explain the offside rule in even less, but I just...

I wanted to be like my mum for once.

That's why I stole the dress, smashed the buzzer,

and lied and cheated and became the worst friend

in the whole wide world. All because I can't design.

Well, I can't cook. Kit made my pie.

There, I've said it now.

And I can't do hard work. Steve did all this.

And I can't live a lie any more. Spotty panthers don't exist.

We took stuff from Danny so we could sell it and buy Panther footy boots.

Going somewhere?

Where is that Kitty Kat? I want that head set.

-I got you a new buzzer.

-I don't want it.

-It's got three dings and a quack.

-I don't need it.

Because...

I got 100 points in the history quiz! Check me out, dude.

OK, firstly, don't ever say dude again.

And secondly, I thought you were still furious about the dress?

Not about the dress, about the lying, you could have just asked to use it.

So, I made a total bomb face of myself in public for nothing?

You're missing the point.

Squeeze me, but you are missing the point, Lady.

-Nah, you are.

-You are.

-You are.

-You are.

-You are.

Don't worry, Britney, Daddy will never give you up, never.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]