Byebyebabylicious Sadie J

-O...

-M...

-Gele? I'm ironing it, along with this little lot.

-But you never...

-Ever...

-Do the ironing.

I know, but, guys, I'm going to be 16 in a few days -

ie, an adult -

which means I want to do grown-up things,

like ironing, cleaning, darning.

-Enjoy.

-Well, I for one think it's great

-that you want to be a grown-up, love.

-Bro-tastic!

I was hoping you'd say that.

Which is why I've already started planning my incredibly grown-up,

totalistically hip and insanely happening house party for next week.

Picture it!

# Party rock is in the house... #

We're talking a DJ in the kitchen,

a dancefloor in the living room,

mocktails in the bathroom

a chillax zone in the garage

with tyres for loungers

and MOT pit as a plunge pool.

-What about having it in the diner?

-Nah.

Besides, it's already been booked up for some snorefest farewell party.

Yawn.

Look, I'm really sorry, love, but you can't have a house party.

What? Why not? I knew you'd think I was too immature.

No, no, it's not that. It's just that...

I've got my reasons

and I don't want to go into it now.

It's just not a good time.

"Got my reasons." "Not a good time."

How many times am I going to turn 16?

Once! That's how many!

Steve, babe, you're going to have to tell the kids what's going on soon.

I know, I know. But how are they going to react when I tell them

I've got to sell this place and the garage?

They love it here.

So do I, but we can't afford to waste any more time.

This place, that business, has to go.

Six more months and it will be too late.

My dad's gone bust and we're losing our home?

This is actually happening, guys?

It's game over for Sadie J.

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude, Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble, Takes a girl

-# To save the day

-# To save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys'...

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind of sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't want to be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Here you are, Sass. Make a wish.

Wishes are for kids, Rico.

And so are doughnuts.

I'm going to be 16 soon, which means I need to man up

and make things better for my dad and Mr Motors.

Which is why I've been brainstorming business ideas.

Oh, Ms V! How do you fancy hosting a fundraiser for Mr Motors?

-Are you kidding, kiddo?

-Yeah-ha!

We have six days to clear this place before next week's farewell party.

Clear the place? Must be one rowdy farewell party.

OMLG, you guys, you're not going to believe what happened!

Me first! Newsflash.

Mr Motors is in trouble and we have to sell up and move away.

Newsflash! Ditto.

But not the bit about selling the garage, obviously.

I might be moving away too. To university.

You know I took those nine GCSEs and three A levels earlier this year?

The three months that I spent every night revising while you two

hung out in the Burger Bowl, throwing fries into a ball pit?

-Oh, yeah.

-Good times.

Well, my application to Coddingham University's astrophysics

undergraduate course has been accepted!

I just have to pass next week's entrance exam and I'm in!

But this is ridonkulous!

I thought you were destined for Harvard or Oxford,

not Coddingham University.

I mean where's that?

-And why would you want to go there two years early?

-Why not?

Cos it's a lot of nights in the Burger Bowl you're giving up!

Really? That's all you've got, guys?

No "Congrats," no "Good luck with your exam, Delia?"

I have my grade one ocarina exam next week.

-You no wish me luck!

-Ocarina? Rico, this is my future!

And that's my future!

I come from a long line of ocarina players.

If I fail, I fail my familia!

Hang on, guys, what about my future?

-My dad is being forced to sell our home and his garage!

-So?

You're an adult now. You've text me enough times to remind me.

-So deal with it.

-Fine, I will.

Fine, so will I.

Gritando obtiene usted a ninguna parte.

That's Spanish for, "Shouting gets you nowhere."

Well, it looks like it's just you and me saving the garage, Rico.

OK. Hit me with your brainstorming brain ideas. No, let me guess.

You're going to dress up as a spanner

and shout at people with a megaphone. Right?

Wrong. I'm 16 now. Nearly.

Which means I want to do this the adult way.

So, I'm thinking a snazzy refit of the garage.

A coffee bar in the corner,

female-friendly tyre changing workshops,

deals of the day vouchers.

Also, an uber cool new website

and a valet servicing area with a glitter ball.

The glitter ball is more for me, really.

It's amazing. It's fantastico!

It's also going to cost your father mucho moolah,

and if he's broke already, then your plan is broken.

No, but... But...

Grr!

It's just too, too tragic, Steve.

It's only a snapped fan belt.

Not the car, I meant you selling this garage.

I love this place and...

I can't imagine some stranger running it.

They may not have to.

Come again?

Steve-o!

All right, Steve-o!

-Let's have a look at the place.

-No way.

-Your mate Gary Gilmott is taking over?

-If the price is right.

If I were to decide to turn this into Metal Motors mark two,

how would you like to come and work for me?

-Are you serious?

-Yeah, deadly.

It's always good to have someone on a job who knows the locals,

the lay of the land, eh?

-Me? You're offering me a job?

-Yeah.

Me working for you when Steve leaves?

-That's amazing.

-Oh, yeah?

Tragic a minute ago.

Thanks, Gary. It's really kind of you and all.

But if I'm going to be anyone's apprentice, I'd rather be Steve's.

Oh. I weren't offering you the apprentice position.

I've got one of those back at Metal Motors.

I want you to be the manager here.

-Take on the double clawed ninja.

-On it.

-Now pick up the samurai sword of Tanjuro.

-Got it.

Now slay the dragon at the heart of the lair of the warlord.

-GAME:

-'Congratulations, warrior.

'You have completed Ninja Warlord 8.

-'Death of Samurai Tanjuro...'

-Yes!

-'Go in peace.'

That's every Ninja Warlord videogame

D-to-the-O-to-the-N-E. Done!

-Awesome-mundo.

-OK.

Get online to find out when Ninja Warlord 9 is coming out.

Already on it.

Ninja Warlord 9.

There is no nine!

Wayland Games Corporation has stopped developing

the Ninja Warlord franchise.

The series is over!

Nooo!

Guys?

-Don't tell me you've done more ironing.

-No, it's not that.

I overheard you guys talking the other day

and I know the garage is struggling and we can't afford to waste any

time cos we've got six months and then we have to sell it...

But, Sass...

I want you to know that I love you and I wish you wouldn't

keep stuff like that from me because I'm an adult now.

I can deal with it.

So no more secrets.

OK, let me just stop you there, Sadie.

All right, you're right. We do have to sell up.

But it's not because the garage is in trouble.

It's cos Bev's pregnant.

And we're going to need a much bigger house and a much better garage.

-Then we can all live together.

-As one big, happy family.

You, me, your dad, Ashlii, Danny, the baby.

We can't afford to waste time, because I'm due in six months.

Oh, my...

There is absolutely no way I'm leaving this house!

But you just said if we have to go, we have to go!

No we don't have to go!

I thought we had to go, because you'd gone bust,

not because of some baby!

Hey, Sass. I came as soon as I got your text.

I'm sorry you're broke, sir.

I'm not broke.

Taylor, I sent that text ages ago.

I've sent three emoticons and another text since then.

PHONE BEEPS

Ah!

Annoyed face,

angry face,

furious face.

Oh, a text!

Whoa. Your dad's, like, having a baby.

Is that, like, even possible, sir?

Not me, you wheel nut. Bev.

You all right, Tay-Tay? Has she calmed down yet?

No, she has not calmed down!

And she's not going to calm down because A,

why would you keep something as trigantic as a baby from me

and B, why would you decide to sell up and move without even

talking to me about it? And C, it's my birthday soon!

Does no-one care I'm going to be 16?

-Are you all too baby-brained?

-Oh, for goodness sake, Sadie!

Stop acting like a spoilt child!

Oh, believe me, you have no idea how childish I can be.

In fact, I'm going to rally the troops

and put an end to this bonkerlicious madness!

Try and calm her down.

Look, Bev, everything is going to be OK.

Not her. Sadie.

Hey, Sass!

Did you know that your mum and my dad are having a baby

and they're planning on selling up and moving us all in together?

Yeah-ha.

So I say we fight this every which way...

Wait, you know? What do you think of it?

It's fine by me, babes.

I'm getting an ensuite and a big screen telly in the new house.

Did you know that Dad and Bev are having a baby,

and they're planning on selling up and moving us all in together?

Uh-huh. Look, Sass, I'm kind of busy.

How about we try Alien Navigator?

Or Jungle Death Clan.

No, they're not the same as Ninja Warlord.

So what do you think of this abomination,

because I say if we stand together...? Wait, what, you know?

Dad's having a treehouse moved plank by plank to the new garden.

Plus pro-style gaming chairs and a popcorn machine.

How cool is that!

Aargh!

Ow!

Don't you think you're kind of overreacting, Sass?

I mean, you're only moving across town.

And your new place is actually closer to mine.

This isn't about you.

But if Ashlii, Danny, Steve and Bev

are OK with everything, why aren't you?

You know what? Just get out! Get out! Get out!

Get out! Get out!

Get out! Get out!

Well, don't look at me like that, you know,

cos you can leave and all.

I am not leaving this house!

POTS CRASH

-What?

-What?

-What?

You started it.

Sorry, Ms V, I must have dozed off.

There's a lot of revision I have to get done for the

Coddingham University entrance exam. It's quite tiring.

-And that's 44 minutes reading time I've lost already!

-So?

-So, if I don't revise, I won't get in!

-And?

The world's not going to end, is it?

-No, but...

-But nothing.

You need to find a balance in life, Delia.

Studying is good, but so is having fun.

But how many 16-year-olds have a chance to study at degree level?

In Coddingham?

Look, I really, really need to get back to this.

Your situation reminds me of my new boyfriend

and old flame, Bjorn Ulysses.

We recently became reunited via

a wonderful new networking site,

Friendsandbookinitus.

Back in the day, Bjorn Ulysses was

a spindly little maths geek,

just like you.

But he was into nature, big time.

And instead of taking up his scholarship

at Gengahoovernitus University,

he went into the wilderness

for two years, swimming with sharks,

fighting with wolves.

That's where he gets all the muscles from.

Look at him. Grr.

And then he came back to Babahoovernitus University,

which is much better place.

And now he is head of numbers at Clinghoovernitus Incorporated

back in Klaipeda.

I really hope there's a point to all of this.

Yes, of course. What is it?

Delia, you have plenty of time for the studying.

Don't burn yourself out trying to do everything now.

Life, as Bjorn Ulysses is teaching me -

woo-hoo - is for the living!

Woo!

And that's 47 minutes of reading time I've lost now. Thank you.

You're welcome.

OCARINA PLAYS

OK, Rico, enough with the miserable music.

I have my grade one ocarina exam in less than two hours!

I have to practise somewhere!

If I don't pass this, I will never

be allowed to play in the

Enriquez Family Ocarina Band.

Catchy title.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Sass? It's Bev.

-Go away.

-Can I come in?

You can try.

What? I told you, I'm not leaving.

I have to go now, chica.

Tell me to break my foot.

-Break a leg?

-That too. Adios.

-I

-bet I can open this door without using my hands.

It's the baby.

It certainly is.

See, the way I look at it is this.

You've been banging on about wanting to be a grown-up all week.

Well, this little bundle of joy is exactly the thing that will test

whether you're serious about all this stuff.

How come?

Cos if she's going to do good in this world, she's going to

need all the help and support from a mature and responsible big sister.

She? It's a girl?

I was thinking about calling her Adele.

-After the singer?

-After my nan.

OMLG. Me with a sister?

Sadie J, the only girl in a boys' world,

with an actual, real baby sister.

It's awesome, isn't it?

Is better than awesome. It's fantastalistic!

It's also complete emotional blackmail to get me

to back down and get on board with moving house.

Yeah, I'm good, aren't I?

You're amaze-a-mungus.

Oh, thanks, Sass.

It's true.

BTW, can I have the house party now?

What? I've learned from the best.

# And every day... #

Can you stop wandering down memory lane every five minutes?

And please stop this unholy indie music!

What are we going to do about Ninja Warlord coming to an end?

What can we do?

If Anvil Vendkine, the insanely genius games developer,

doesn't want to do any more, we can't make him.

BOTH: Can we?

# Hey, I just met you

# And this is crazy... #

Hello?

# But here's my number

# So call me, maybe... #

What do you mean you've never heard of Mr Vendkine?

# At you baby

# But here's my number

# So call me, maybe... #

He's a master storyteller!

# This is crazy

# But here's my number

# So call me, maybe... #

I don't get it. There's absolutely no record

of Anvil Vendkine on the net.

No phone number, e-mail, address, web link.

That's because Anvil Vendkine doesn't exist.

The name is an anagram of Kevin and Nevil,

two high school students who developed the Ninja Warlord

game franchise in Kevin's family's back bedroom in Norwich.

So, if Kevin and Nevil are no longer working on Ninja Warlord games

any more, what are they working on?

On the next mega software success,

Antishoo cats.

Pink, fluffy, virtual kittens

that sneeze and poop on your smartphone!

You're kidding me, right?

-This is disastrous!

-Nuh-huh.

This is brilltastic.

Can you believe the cheek of that Gary?

Coming here, offering Keith a job as a manager.

He hadn't even bought the place at the time.

No, but he has now.

That's not the point, is it?

If Keith accepts the job, what will I do then?

What are you going to do? Without Keith?

What colour paint did I ask you to use on this car?

Was it Sunset Silver or Sunset Amber?

What's the difference?

The boy who's single-handedly blown up

over 20 cars during the time that he's been here?

EXPLOSION

-Got to go.

-Mr Beaton's engine just blew up!

The boy who still doesn't know how to tackle the tracking in a Toyota,

or change the fuselage in a Fiesta.

Right. That's the electrics sorted on the Austin.

The world's only mechanic who still has problems popping the bonnet?

This little baby is ready to roll again.

Never mind sorting out the mess underneath!

-You're right. He's got to take that job.

-Course he has!

I mean, he can still live with us, but he can be

somebody else's trouble at work!

Oh, yes! And then I can get an apprentice who actually knows how to

take on a cracked carburettor.

-Exactly! It's a win-win situation, Steve.

-Oh, yes!

-All right, folks?

-Yes, good. Hi. How are you?

Just wanted to let you know, I've had a long,

hard think about that job offer from Gary.

BOTH: Yes?

I'm not going to take it.

How could I leave you in the lurch like that, boss?

I'm fine with the lurch. I'm a lurch sort of guy.

I'm cool with the lurch.

I know you're just saying that, Steve. But you can relax now.

I'm here to stay.

Forever.

Great.

-MAN:

-'You have one hour...'

-WOMAN:

-'..to complete your exam.'

-BOTH:

-'Your time starts now.'

OCARINA PLAYS TWO NOTES

OCARINA PLAYS LONG NOTE

Give me a woo, woo!

ALL: Woo, woo!

Somebody's in a good mood! What's the big celebration?

Well, I'm going to be 16 soon, I've got a baby sister on the way

and we're moving to a new house where I get my own hot tub.

What? Didn't think I wouldn't get something out of it too?

Plus, Bev has promised to throw me a totally awesome birthday part-ay.

Congratulations. On the hot tub.

Talking of part-ays,

-I hope you will be attending my fabulous farewell bash.

-Farewell?

"Ms V is leaving and the Y Diner is closing,

"so come and say a fond farewell to everyone's favourite Klaipedan."

You're going?

Duh, of course. Why else would we be packing this place up?

-But why?

-I'm in love.

Have you not seen this tawny, tiger-eyed Klaipedan muscle?

They're engaged! Check out the rock!

Hey, Sass. I got your message.

I'm so glad you're back in the groove! Life is great!

Why are you always so behind, Taylor?! Life stinks!

Not only have I just come round to the fact that I'm moving, but

then I go and find out my favourite hangout is closing for ever!

Let me guess.

Nooo!

Precisely.

# The end comes too soon

# I dream of... #

What have I told you about this track?

-What do I have to live for if I can't play Ninja Warlord?

-Everything.

Because we're going to build our own game

-inspired by Ninja Warlord.

-Huh?

If Kevin and Nevil can build a game in their back bedroom,

then we can build a game in a treehouse.

That is...

awesome!

We can take out all those boring ninja levels for a start...

And get better dragon graphics.

Yes! I mean, no.

Let's have hippopotatoads instead!

I just made that up.

-We'll copyright it.

-Yes!

I can see it now.

Move over, Anvil Vendkine.

Say hello to Den Dankanjay.

We could be the next dotcom gaming billionaires.

Den who?

Den Dankanjay.

It's an anagram of Danny and Jake.

Us!

Awesome.

There we are, Gary.

I thought I'd give you the keys early, so you can come and go

-without needing me here.

-Oh, cheers, mate.

Mind you, suppose I should give them to my new manager.

Oh, yeah, Gary, about that.

I'm really honoured that you'd offer the job to me...

Which is why I've accepted on your behalf.

You know, I knew you wouldn't say yes out of loyalty to me,

but I want you to move on.

In your career.

You can still live with me.

But this is too good a job opportunity.

Oh, no way. Brilliant. Thanks, Steve.

Congrats, kid.

-Right, cup of tea?

-Yeah.

In a sec. Just got to finish this job.

THEY COUGH

-What just happened?

-I don't know.

I just turned the thingamajig on the whatsit

and the whatchamacallit went boom.

Good luck.

OK, guys. You know the drill when the Sass is in campaign mode.

There ain't no way, no how, this diner is closing.

And as much as I would have loved to do this the adult way,

sometimes the old ways are the best.

So, I've got a lunchbox full of food

to last a week and this,

which is police issue standard,

which means it's...

INCREDIBLY LOUD!

What do we want?

Some TLC from my BFF, please?

What? I mean, what?

I failed my entrance exam to Coddingham University.

How?

SHE SNORES

It was really, really hard.

Are you OK?

I think so.

I mean, it's like Ms V said.

I've got plenty of time in the future for all this stuff.

Maybe I'll explore the wilderness,

swim with the sharks or fight a wolf.

OCARINA PLAYS

Enough with the ocarina already!

Guess who just passed their grade one ocarina.

I am now officially part of

the Enriquez Family Ocarina Players.

Erm...Great?

I bought this for your baby sister.

Make sure she always has music in her heart, chica.

Sister?

Yeah, I know. Totes amazing, right?

Thanks, Rico.

OK, Miss J.

If you insist on carrying out this protest,

I will have to call Bjorn Ulysses back

to physically remove you.

And believe me, if he can fight a wolf...

I'm not going to do anything, Ms V.

-ALL: Huh? RICO:

-Que?

It's not like I can spend that much time here any more,

cos we've got someone very special to look out for.

I hear that, sister.

So I guess, you know, it really is time to move on.

For everyone.

ALL: Aww!

-Just one thing!

-What?

Can I ask you a teeny-weeny favour?

MUSIC AND LAUGHTER

Sorry.

So, I totally got the right text and I did not go to your house,

cos I was three messages behind,

thinking that your party was still there.

Don't be ridonkulous, Tay-Tay. It doesn't matter.

-I'm sorry I've been such a meanie.

-You're forgiven.

But you totally read the wrong text, went to my house first, didn't you?

Yeah.

-Speech, speech, speech!

-Go on!

CHEERING

Well, I don't know what to say.

Except, happy birthday to Sadie

and thank you all for the memories.

And even more thanks for the moolah that you've spent.

Hopefully see you in Klaipeda.

Not all at once.

CHEERING

Your turn now, Sass.

Go for it, chica.

Well, apart from saying bon voyage to Ms V,

I just want to say how truly, truly lucky I feel

to have had so many amazing memories here.

So thanks to my friends, my family and you.

It truly has been fantastalistic.

Now, let's part-ay!

CHEERING

MUSIC: "Young" by Tulisa

# Forgive me for what I have done

# Cos I'm young

# Yeah, I'm young

# Forgive me for what I have done

# Cos I'm young

# Yeah, I'm young

# I don't mean to frighten you off

# It's just fun

# It's just fun

# I don't mean to frighten you off

# It's just fun

# It's just fun... #

Aargh!

# We live on the edge of life

# We don't even compromise

# We rush because we're out of time

# Time, time, time, time, time, time, time

# Forgive us for what we have done

# Cos we are, we are, we are

# I said, forgive us for what we have done

MUSIC: "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran

-You coming?

-Give me a sec.

# I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

# I'll pick you up when you're getting down

# And out of all these things I've done

# I think I love you better now... #

-MS V:

-'Who likes bacon double buffalo burgers?'

'Has nobody told you that this is a kitty cat special...'

'A double wheatgrass and a banana boat float

'and a side order of chunky monkey fries?'

'Happy birthday! Woo-hoo!'

'Sadie J, you're amazing!'

-MS V:

-'Well, don't say thank you all at once!'

-'We won't!'

Good times.

Ow!