Bobsleighbonkerlicious Sadie J

Hey, Sass, ready to get bobsleigh bonkerlicious? Who's our third man?

-Bobsleigh bonker-third who?

-I knew it. You forgot.

I entered us in a charity three-man bobsleigh event

at Carston Castle today. You promised you'd find our third

man if I thought about the uniforms.

-Oh, my eyes! My eyes!

-Funny(!) You knew how important this was to me.

It's to raise money to launch a satellite to track the stranded

minke whales.

The minke star capsule probe?

After space cargo, astrophysics and world peace,

whales are my main priority. And you swore you wouldn't let me down.

You even pinkie-promised me with extra bobsleigh sprinkles on top.

I did?

Deeds, I swear I will not let you down this time.

Pinkie-promise with extra bobsleigh sprinkles on top.

I did, oh!

It's a good thing I totalistically have not let you down.

So who's our third man?

When I say man, I mean woman because the teams are gender specific.

That's Rico, Taylor, Keith, Danny and Jake out.

-And Miss V cos it's an under-18s event.

-Oh, what?!

And they have to be really fit cos we have to achieve optimum

velocity of trajectory into the vehicle as a team.

In other words, get on the bobsleigh really fast together.

Well then you are in luck

because the girl I've found is super-fast and fit.

Who is she?

Ashlii?

Helmet, please.

No-o-o-o!

# Won't somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They got attitude, kinda cute

# But when they're in trouble it takes a girl

# To save the day

# I'd love another girl around the place

# Someone to pick me up so I always have the last word

# Guess it's hard to be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl in a boys' world

# I know I'm stronger cos I got a positive attitude

# Understanding, kinda sensitive

# I just don't want to be the only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Let me get this straight, you expect me to believe you didn't

forget about the bobsleigh and wanted Ashlii on board?

Mm-hmm, yep, that's right. Why not?

Because she's Ashlii, ie. the enemy, the evil one,

the one who ruins everything.

To get away with an evil scheme, you have to play nice.

Then wreck things from the inside. Like I do.

-Having a fashion-tastic disaster.

-Correction.

You are a fashion-tastic disaster.

Stop already. You could wear washing-up gloves for all I care.

Come away from the delusional, there's a good boy.

Didn't you get the memo? Fashion is supposed to improve your appearance.

OMLG. The poor guy is dating a monster.

-It's time to go-go. Ta-ta.

-He's my perfect guy.

-I think Sadie deserves a supersized shakalaka shake, don't you?

-I know.

-But I...

-But nothing. Just take the shake and take a hike.

Taylor is totally off-limits to losers like you.

-Oi, watch it!

-Haven't you ever played human skittles? It's awesome.

You have to hit somebody so hard with the ball they fall over.

I knew it. You're about as vegetarian as Miss V's wolfhound.

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me, Jenkster. Not!

Cool water bomb. Did I mention it's not full of water?

It's full of custard.

Save it, Summers, we're not going to custard balloon you.

I didn't ask you to, Doofus.

-Are you crazy?

-Mum, Danny and Jake just custard bombed me!

Not enjoying your date then? Oops, I forgot. Calum's already on a date.

-With someone else. Ouch!

-Do you know if Sadie J is here?

-Sadie J?

Let me think - skinny, dishwater blonde.

My hair is not the colour of dishwater.

Compared to my mop of bodacious black, it is.

Nope, haven't seen that loser all day.

Hey, Sass, ready for your lame-fest?

-I mean, Fright Night.

-Too right.

Good, so you won't mind that I've invited Kelisha von Konikov to it.

She's even got her own website.

Aaaaagh.com.

One bad review and it's all over the world

that you're a social non-entity.

Think you can handle the pressure?

-Handle The Pressure is my middle name.

-I thought it was Blodwin?

-What are you doing?

-Didn't I mention?

Kelisha decided to broadcast your Fright Night live.

Don't be intimidated.

I'm not good at maths but I'm thinking there's going to

be at least a billion people who will see you fail miserably tonight.

-So are we back on, yeah?

-Erm, I don't think so.

-In that case, please accept this as a goodbye present.

-Oh, thanks.

-What is it?

-The dos and don'ts of acting, dummy.

-Really?

-Oh yeah.

It says here, under no circumstances must you talk to or even

look at your fellow cast members on the day of the show.

Bad luck, apparently.

Like saying MacBeth instead of The Scottish Play.

-Oops, sorry! You don't want to wreck the show, do you?

-No.

In that case, you better ignore everyone. And I mean everyone.

-Taylor, I bring good news.

-Don't talk to me.

What's up with him?

How are you supposed to know he asked me to go back out with him?

-He what?

-Just because he's made his choice, and it's not you,

that's no excuse for being so horrific.

-He might think you're a loser, desperado, non-entity.

-He said that?

-That was the edited version.

-Oh!

-You set me up.

-You set yourself up.

I can't believe you did all this just to get me in trouble with Dad.

Newsflash, Jenkins. It's not always about you.

I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me?

-I'm not that hideous, am I?

-Well, now you ask...

I know, but we've had some good times with her too. Roll the clips.

You've got nothing? You're killing me here, guys.

Just admit it, you let me down...again.

No, that is so not true. The truth is, bear with me on this...

The truth...

The truth is that I really want you and Ashlii to be friends.

She's going to be part of my family soon.

Sadie, that's so sweet.

I know. How nice am I?!

What with her mum getting together with my dad,

-we're practically sisters.

-Don't push it, Jenkins.

You know what I mean, Ash. We're mates, we're tight.

And you're just doing this to help us out.

-Out of the goodness of your own naughty little heart.

-Yep.

Plus, my mum said she'd fit me in

with some bodaciously banging new nail extensions if I did.

-BTW, what's this big bean pod for?

-Oh!

This is a bobsleigh crash waiting to happen.

I know you're doing this for the right reasons.

But why do you always have to cause such chaos, Sadie?

Oops!

She's so backstabby, she gives backstabbers a bad name.

SHE SQUEALS

-Miss Jenkins, chop-chop.

-I'm busy waitressing.

No time to chop things as well.

I haven't a clue how I'm going to get down!

I need... Oh!

SHE SQUEALS

Oh, why does everything have to be such a problem?!

-Trash or recycling?

-Sadie? No!

-Way. Where's she gone?

Oops!

No!

Come on, let's get this party started. Oh!

What? It was a dance move.

Now who's lame? Boo!

THEY SCREAM

-This old banger is officially getting trashed.

-Ah!

-You'll have to take me down first.

-I want that tofu tamale. Oh!

Kids, the Jonas, it's the Jonas Brothers!

I know, that was the whole...point.

What are you? Animals? I will not stand for it.

She got that right!

-Hey, guys!

-Joe, you made it.

-Hey, where'd he go?

-For counselling, I'd imagine.

-No harm done.

No spillages, no leftovers on my... Oh!

Sadie, Sadie!

And now, Operation Don't Get Dumped is on my face.

-And on the floor.

-Take these over there before you make any more mess.

-Like that.

-Honestly, I can't leave you alone for one second, can I?

-Enough with the lying, we've got work to do.

-No!

-You detestable little brat!

-OK, trashing works for me.

SCREAMING

ALARM BLARES

SCREAMING

Oops!

HE MUMBLES

What's wrong with your voice?

And your hands!

-Aah!

-And your face!

-Aah!

-Aah!

Chillax, it's not even five past yet, look. Oops.

What a candyfloss brain. Here, let me... Oh, I'm sorry.

Have you seen Joe?

But nobody makes a fool out of Sadie J.

She's more than capable of doing that herself.

If we have any hope in winning this race,

we need to get into the bobsleigh in 2.7 seconds,

and she doesn't even know what a bobsleigh is.

Erm, who are you calling "she", nerd features?

I'd rather have nerd features than candyfloss for a brain.

How can you have candyfloss for a brain? That's not even possible.

It's a metaphor, you muppet.

Why don't you look it up in your dictionary app?

Oh, whoops, silly me, why would you have the dictionary app

when you can download the funky nails and fashion tips app instead?!

-Are you trying to call me shallow?

-My ice tray has more depth than you.

Oh, I can't deal with this any more, Sadie. Sadie?

Where did she go?

TEXT ALERT

It's a text from Sass. "Gone to get shakes for everyone at the Y.

-"I feel we need some chocolate to get through this."

-That...

-Is...

Not actually a bad idea.

-My sugar levels are way too low to deal with this stress.

-Mine too.

-"Make 'em large ones."

-Oh, look, Ashlii.

I really want this to work because I respect what Sadie is trying to do.

By letting you join our team, and by making sure you and I become friends.

Oh, what evs. Sadie only asked me in case she messed up again.

She was covering her back, girlfriend.

I don't even get why you guys are mates.

She's always backstabbing you, breaking your stuff,

bombing out your plans.

Please, Sass, I really need a model.

Look, Deeds, how do I put this? No!

-You lied.

-I don't like that word.

That's why I've changed it to ice cream.

Isn't that Colin from the vegetarian book shop?

That's Mrs Higgins from my organic wool spinning class. Oh, you didn't!

I did. Thanks, Deeds.

Your contacts list is literally bursting

with bean-bag loving bongo bashers.

Who is this irritating personage?

-Hello!

-What are you doing?

-It was just a joke.

-I'm so sorry, Megan.

My friend has a unique sense of humour.

You lie, you cheat, you mess up everything. You even steal my shakes.

You're incredibly selfish and you only care about you.

A good deputy is a patient one.

It's all about the kind of person you are and the company you keep.

You just totally messed up my chances of becoming Deputy Head Girl.

She would have given me the gig if you hadn't been

so unbelievably rude to her.

My BFF Dede would love to help.

They don't call her Dede "the Baker" Baxter for nothing.

But I've never made a cupcake in my entire life.

And did you honestly think making a few cupcakes would get me

back into Megan's good books.

I think the choice is obvious.

-Sadie, you've got the gig.

-Yes! Get in. Go, Sassy, go, Sassy.

In your face, Baxter. Not so full of yourself now, are you?

Wow, not bad. Maybe I should enter this jaunty little number myself.

I...tore it up.

Yeah, I couldn't bear to look at that wreck any longer.

As Captain Scarlo would say, I'm getting out of this

battle before someone fires a zingler they can't handle.

-Don't come to the show tomorrow, then.

-Fine. I won't.

-Look at the craftsmanship on that, eh?

-Yeah, very crafty.

-But, Dede, you weren't supposed to be here.

-Obviously.

-Deeds, what are you doing?

-Shh!

-Hey, Sass.

-Hi, Maddie.

-Where's Deeds?

-I have no idea.

-Deliah.

You're not supposed to be here.

-'Intruder.'

-Shut up!

-I'd better hide this before Deeds finds it.

-I'm over here.

-Oops!

-I-I can explain.

-Don't bother.

You've twisted my arm. It was Dede.

She said it would never be good enough to win Robo Fight Night

so she just, you know.

-She's a tortured genius. Deeds, Matey!

-I know the score.

Your dad told me when he brought me this.

-You can only go to the concert if I forgive you.

-So, erm, do you?

-Thank you. No.

-For what it's worth, Deeds, you've got my vote.

I am 100% behind you.

-I'm here for a waitering gig, do you know if it's still going?

-Oh...yeah.

It's, erm, totally going.

Just because you fancy him doesn't mean he deserves my job.

You don't understand, Deeds. I don't JUST fancy him.

Wait, it's your birthday? On Saturday? I mean, ha-ha, busted.

You forgot Dede's birthday? You're one bad BFF.

Deeds, I need to get some of these One D tickets before they sell out.

But with you blabbering on to Kit with your ridiculous comments,

I'm going to be here till Christmas with him. Face facts, give up

and realise that you are terrible at this emotional stuff.

I've simply been trying to compartmentalise Kit's emotions.

I rest my case, Dede, you are banned from the rest of the conversation.

-If you could...

-OMLG, Deeds, that's so thoughtless.

This is mine and Kit's shake.

I can't drink it now he's moved to Brazil.

-Don't sit there! That's Kit's place. Was Kit's place.

-Sorry, my mistake.

Is that my speech? Sadie. Sadie!

Somebody just stop me.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-So she did let me down?

-Duh, obviously, as per u.

But in a weird way, I kind of respect her for that.

She always gets away with it and you never get mad at her.

The same with me and Miss V, actually.

OMG, me and Sass are a bit like sisters, though she's the vain one.

-Natch!

-Well, you can tell your ugly sister to stuff it.

Bobsleigh, minke whales and all. I'm done with Sadie Jenkins.

Oops!

OK, Deeds, right, the thing is...

I know, it totally looks like I've sucked the chocolate chips

out of your shake but I didn't. They evaporated on the way here.

-Save it, Sass, the Dede bug has done a runner.

-What?

But what about the manky whale satellite...thing?

She's done with it.

-And you.

-OMLG, what did you do?

-Nothing.

OK, I may have pointed out how you did sort of let her down.

I was brought in at the last minute

and you do always do this kind of stuff...

-ish.

-See that? Speechless.

I wasn't trying to get you in trouble or anything.

It was actually a compliment. I was saying we were a bit alike.

OK, I've got my speech back. I am nothing like you, Ashlii.

You backstab, you back bite, you're only out for what you can get.

-And you're incredibly selfish.

-That's what I'm saying.

Just roll the clips already.

You and evil one working together. It's terrible.

It's like Simon Cowell working with Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Oh, dibsy I'm Simon.

Is the position still available?

-No.

-Yes.

-But you just said...

She gets confused. Ah!

If we stand shoulder to shoulder as sisters and comrades,

we can show them that they can not objectify people like this.

-Are you with us?

-Oh, look, Stephen Hawking.

Oi, Jenkins! Pick up your trash.

Oi, Summers, you're the waitress, do your job.

I know you're my friend, and I really do want to hear what

you've got to say, but I called you to talk about me.

-Call me old school...

-Not old school, you're just old.

-It's BFF Day.

-Where's your sense of humour, Jenkster?

-It's with the present you haven't got me.

-Miaow.

-I'm facing a gigantic disaster this Saturday.

-This Saturday?

No, I wanted you to spend that day with me.

-It's my...

-Deeds, focus on me.

-Oh!

-Say cheese!

-Cheese!

OMG, you just broke the teapot Dede and I made.

-Why don't you just tell her the truth?

-Brilliant, Kit-Kat, I will.

-Albeit the Sadie Jenkins version of the truth.

-Which would be a lie.

Naturally. But not a big one.

Only the person holding the talking tomato can speak, OK?

No, stuff your tomato.

Maybe you're the one with the problem.

Maybe you need to grow up, get your head out of science books

and get a life.

Oh! But I don't want a life if it's as freaky as this.

THEY GASP

What? I felt left out.

How great is this?

I get to see my favourite five-some

while cheering up my mega-mundously miserable BFF. Result!

-OMLG.

-I told you he'd love it. Go, Harry, go, Niall, go, Zayn.

I don't care about going to see some stupid boy band.

-Sadie just thought this would cheer you up, that's all.

-I bet she did.

Of all the selfish, self-centred things you've ever done,

this has to be the worst, Jenkins.

Everything isn't always about you, Sass.

Am I a terrible person? I made my friend tidy up while I do the conga

-down here.

-Dede loves to clean.

You're right!

Dede, you're off the proverbial hook.

-You're...

-OK, OK, no need to brag.

You shouldn't need a boyfriend just to become prom queen.

It's not a boyfriend, it's an accessory - it's like an Alice band.

Only not like an Alice band, cos that's not a cool accessory.

Is it?

This slumber-over is going to be slumber-nificent.

Seriously, Deeds, don't do the made-up-words thing.

DEDE SIGHS

-Why didn't you just ask me for help?

-I did.

-The Jenkster can pull a few strings.

-Seriously?

Sass, that would absolutely...

What do you want?

-Revelation much?

-Wow.

How fabulicious was my hair in series one?

W to the OW.

Wow. You're worse than me.

You just saw that and all you've got to comment on is your hair.

OMLG, she's right, I'm bonker-liciously bad.

In fact, I'm the worst BFF ever.

Especially to Deeds.

-OK, I've got to put this right and you're going to help me.

-Er, why me?

Because this is your chance to show you're not entirely selfish too.

-Plus you'll get those nail extensions Bev promised you.

-I'm in!

Oh, even these ferociously hard quadratic equations

can't cheer me up.

OK, Deeds, now don't you blow a gigabyte, but I may have

told your dad that Tom Cruise is at the corner store signing autographs.

-You what?

-I know what a Mission Impossible fan-boy he is,

and I had to get him out the house

because you told him not to let me in.

Yeah, for a reason.

I'm sick of you letting me down, breaking my stuff

and bombing out my plans.

I know, and I'm sorry.

Oh, so that's your excuse now, is it?

-Wait, what?

-I've been a complete idiot.

I never should've promised you something then gone back on it

and I need to stop treating you so badly and realise what

an amazing BFF you are, because...I never want to lose you.

OK, this is freaky now.

Just admit it. You've been body-snatched, right?

You're actually a replicant from the planet Narzog,

because you cannot be Sadie J.

She's never this penitent.

Well, I am now.

Even though I don't know what "penitent" means.

Oh, me and Ashlii have been practising really hard

and we've managed to get our bobsleigh time down to 2.7 seconds.

Oh, great, good for you and your new BFF(!) Or should I say, sister.

She's not my new BFF

and she'll never be as close a sister to me as you are.

Look, Deeds, I know I can be thoughtless sometimes.

And selfish and egocentric and unreliable and annoying.

Yeah, yeah, I know. You're right, you're right about everything.

But I can be really, really nice sometimes too. Right?

Can't I?

Roll the clips, roll the clips!

Look, Deeds, I love you too. I really do.

Now that was some good communication!

But that wasn't what I was... Actually, just go with it.

I don't think you've realised what a good, kind BFF I already am, guys.

Mine!

I'm on it this time - all over it, in fact.

Just give me a chance, I promise this is going to work.

It has to! Because I have absolutely no alternative.

-SHE SPITS

-You're on! Put it there, sister.

You have seriously been living with boys too long.

The day you come back here and tell me

you've failed at something is the day my whole world falls apart.

I'm sorry, Kit Kat.

-I didn't want to say I told you so, so I showed you show.

-OMLG.

-You did not throw the contest for me?

-Too right. That's what BFFs do.

-Friends again?

-Yeah.

-Put down your rule book and read my lips.

-This little lot are Dede...

-Don't do it!

Remarkable. Looks like you've excelled yourself, Baxter.

-I try my best.

-Does she ever!

This girl here can turn her hand to anything.

In fact, I'm amazed she isn't in pole position for that

-deputy head girl role.

-How unsubtle.

Agreed.

-Dede, you're back in the running.

-Unsubtle works for me!

You're totally right that you were totally wrong to play Juliet.

Playing both the lovers is going to my greatest acting challenge yet!

-Like taking candy from a baby.

-Ya-huh!

Yeah, I'm Katy and this here's my girl, Phoebe.

Um, we're thinking of joining your team.

-The Cha Cha Cheerleaders, were you?

-Yes?

Oh, wow, you were amazing that day!

Oh, it was off the hook!

Thanks!

Ta-dah! Happy birthday. Woo hoo!

Keith AND Dede?

-So it actually is Keith's birthday today.

-No!

Well, yeah.

But this was meant for you too. Happy birthday, Deeds.

Kit, I got you something too actually.

Please don't say it's passes for the museum.

It's a shaving kit, Kit. I'm sorry I dissed your goatee.

Ciao.

You OK?

Yeah. Fine.

Deeds, I'd like you to meet the brill-tastic, the amaze-a-mungous...

-I think she gets the picture. Pleased to meet you.

-Delia Baxter.

-How fabush is he?

-He's in.

So, am I forgiven?

SHE SIGHS OK, OK.

Yes. You're forgiven.

Now come on, cos we have a bobsleigh race to win.

Grab your helmet, Ashlii!

Operation Bobsleigh is a go, go...

no!

I was trying to get my time down to 0.1 seconds while Sass was at yours.

-Turns out I couldn't.

-Nobody could!

0.1 seconds is physically impossible.

Why does everything always have to go so bonker-liciously wrong?

Sorry, Deeds.

I know how much that dinky space globe meant to you.

It was a minke star...

Oh, never mind. I'm sorry too, Ashlii.

I shouldn't have shouted at you.

And I'm really grateful that both of you at least tried to help me.

-Wait, so that's it? Game over? Capito finito?

-Well, yeah.

I mean, we need three people

of the same sex, 18 and under,

into that bobsleigh or we're bust.

Oh, why didn't you just say so?

BOYS SCREAM IN TERROR

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd