Episode 11 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

# Wind me up, put me down and watch me go

# Cos it's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now, it's already begun. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Ladies and gentlemen - good times are just around the corner!

And so are your hosts - it's Sam and Mark!

Haagh!

Whoo!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

Whoo!

-All right!

-Oh, yes.

-Welcome to the weekend.

-Oh, yes. This is where it starts.

We are about to wind things up for the weekend,

and you are invited along for the ride.

This show is jam-packed full of surprises for you at home

-and for you lot here in the studio.

-Yeah!

CHEERING

For example, on today's show,

we are going to be winding up an aunty in this audience

and putting her memory to the test.

-Whooo!

-And we've taken our hidden cameras on the road,

stitching people up left, right and centre. You're at home,

the doorbell goes, and then this happens...

# Happy birthday, birthday, birthday, it's your birthday today

# We hope that you enjoy yourself

# It's your birthday, it's nice to have a birthday

# Because it's your birthday Happy birthday, hey! #

-Hey! Hey!

-Yes.

-Very good.

Who knows when we might turn up at your door in a ridiculous disguise.

-There's plenty more where that came from.

-Also later in the show,

two lucky families will be going head-to-head, trying to win

what some are calling the greatest prize ever on national television.

A presenter!

Whoo!

The question is, is it going to be me...?

-Is it me?

-Is it me?

-Or is it him?

-I don't know.

One lucky family could be leaving today with either me or Mark.

They'll be taking us home, to do whatever they want with us -

which is actually quite terrifying.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I won't lie to you.

Big Friday Wind-up is also partial to the odd celebrity.

Today we're joined by superstar dance duo Chris and Wes!

We will be catching up with Chris and Wes later in the show.

But now, it's time for less talk and more action.

This is the show with a surprise around every corner,

so no-one is safe, especially if you're an embarrassing dad.

OK, so, embarrassing dads...

Looking for an embarrassing dad. I can see you're all a bit nervous,

especially...you, Bill!

Now, we've heard from your daughter Phoebe...

-How are you doing, Phoebe?

-I'm good, thanks.

We've heard that once you went bowling, and instead of

throwing the ball down the aisle, you went down the aisle!

Do you want to explain yourself, Bill?

-Well, yes, I'm a little bit competitive...

-Aren't we all?

Went hurtling along, bowled the ball, forgot the line was there,

and didn't realise it was so slippery on the other side of the line.

-Yep, it is!

-Headfirst, down the lane.

Even more embarrassing, I work in a school, and didn't realise

-there were lots of my pupils.

-Oh, no, on the next aisles?!

Oh, no! How many pins did you get down?

-All ten.

-All ten!

-APPLAUSE

-That's good!

That was a pretty embarrassing story - Mark, can you beat that?

Embarrassing dads, well... Let's have a look.

They're all going like this - no, not me.

Oh, I think we've got one... here, haven't we, Hugh?

Hiya!

-And is this Olivia?

-Yeah.

-Are you all right, Olivia?

-Yeah.

-You were painting your summer house, weren't you?

-One summer's day, yep.

-What happened, mate?

-I went to get some paint out from the garage,

-pink paint, left over from my daughter's bedroom.

-Pink?

Pink. Yep, nice. And the paint pot fell straight onto my head.

That's bad, but that's not even the worst part, people.

-What happened next?

-Despite trying to wash a lot of it out,

I ended up out on the high street, not realising I had pink hair.

Over to you, Sam, any more?

Hey, we've all been there, pink hair!

I want to speak to...you, Hrithika.

-Hello.

-Are you all right?

-Yep.

Now, we have heard that you have a bit of an embarrassing dad

-because he likes to do a bit dancing...?

-Yes.

-How does that make you feel?

-Embarrassed!

-Of course! Where is he today?

-At home.

That's a shame. I'd have liked to have met him.

Actually, he's not at home. He's right here in the Wind-Up Studio!

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Hrithika's dad!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

HIGH-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG IN TIME

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Give me a hug. That was amazing!

That was like ballet

mixed with Bollywood, with a slash of Michael Jackson thrown in!

Personally, I dig that,

but is this the type of thing that embarrasses you?

-She's lost for words, mate!

-I can see why.

Don't worry, we are going to give your dad the chance

to redeem himself on national television.

Dad, get yourself ready. Hrithika, come with me.

We're going down there. It's time to play Dad On A Wheel!

CHEERING

OK, now, Dad is backstage, getting himself ready.

-Are you ready to see your dad as you've never seen him before?

-Yes.

Studio audience,

-are you ready to see her dad as you've never seen him before?

-Yes!

In that case, everybody in the audience,

please give it up for Dad On A Wheel!

# Daddy, daddy cool! Daddy, daddy cool! #

-Yeah! Dad, you look good! How you feeling?

-Great!

-You're feeling great? He's feeling great.

-If you've just tuned in,

as you can see, we've got a dad on a wheel.

-The wheel is split into six sections. Sam.

-Thanks, Mark.

You may have noticed there are three golden sections.

If dad lands on "dad", he will win himself a prize.

-That would be nice?

-Yes.

-That would be lovely.

-AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

-"Ooooh" indeed!

Wait till you hear this one. If Dad lands on "audience",

he will win a prize for our entire studio audience!

CHEERING

But, better still, if Dad lands on the star,

-he will win a prize for his lovely daughter, Hrithika.

-He might do.

APPLAUSE You're jumping the gun there!

I've got a question that she needs to answer correctly

to win the star prize.

We don't give out a star prize willy-nilly!

But what we are saying is, gold is good.

Red, however, is bad.

AUDIENCE: Ooooooh!

Yes, if Dad lands on red,

he will come face-to-face with the Foaminator...!

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

-Come over, Chris and Wes! I'm scared!

-I'm scared!

Guys, you look good.

Now, you know the score. No more mister nice guys.

If Dad lands on red,

you need to release a furious amount of foam right in his face!

-OK? Understand?

-Easy.

-Excellent.

-In that case, here we go.

Loads of prizes, no big deal. Come on, Sam, wind up that wheel!

# I'm spinning around Move out of my way

# I know you're feeling it Cos you like it like this

# I'm breaking it down I'm not the same

# I know you're feeling it... #

Who'd have thought it?! Hang on!

I'm just going to wind you right up. So, the first spin, you land on red,

which means you get foamed. I'll stand behind here,

so I don't get foamed. OK, three, two, one, go!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Stop the foam! Stop the foam!

-It's safe!

-OK, good!

-How you feeling, Dad, are you all right?

-Yeah.

-OK!

OK, two more spins. Here we go!

# I'm spinning around Move out of my way

# I know you're feeling me Cos you like it like this

# I'm breaking it down... #

-Oh, dear. You all right, Dad?

-Yeah.

-Sorry about that.

This means, for a second time, you're going to get foamed.

OK, in three, two, one! Foam him!

You're all right!

OK, so, Dad, it's not working out for you - I'm not going to lie!

-We have one more spin. Let's try and make it a prize.

-Come on!

# I'm spinning around Move out of my way

# I know you're feeling me Cos you like it like this

# I'm breaking it down... #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It's landed on "audience"

which means you have won a prize for everybody in this audience.

Let's see what it is.

-You've all won some popcorn!

-CHEERING

That means, at the end of Dad On A Wheel, you got sprayed twice,

but you have won this entire audience some popcorn.

You've been a cracking sport. Give it up for Dad

and our Foaminators!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Fantastic! That was amazing. Well done.

You're doing all right, aren't you, audience?

That is not all, because we are inviting you and your family

-to come back later on in the show and play Win The Presenter!

-Oh, yes!

That's right, you could be going home with either me or Sam!

How do you feel about that?

-Happy.

-That's good!

-That's what we want, to make you happy!

We now know that Hrithika and her family will be taking part

in Win The Presenter later. But who will they be playing against?

-It could be anyone in this audience today.

-Anyone.

-AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

-So keep watching to find out who.

Let's see what else is coming up on today's rather crazy show!

Why are Sam and Mark looking even more ridiculous than usual?

Because they've taking part in the game that's sweeping the nation.

In Yer Face!

The Finger Of Fun is on the loose,

which means another member of the Wind Up audience

is in for the surprise of their lives, but who's it going to be?

And if you're a fan of high-speed chimps

and presenters in dodgy underwear, stay tuned for Win The Presenter!

Now, this week's Wind Up guests remind me a little bit of us two.

They're funny, they're stylish, and boy, can they dance.

That's it! Please give it up for Got To Dance winners Chris and Wes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Chris and Wes, lovely to have you on the show.

-Thank you for having us.

-Pleasure.

First of all, can we congratulate you on winning Got To Dance!

That is pretty impressive.

Can I ask you, have you? Have you GOT to dance?

-Of course we have!

-That's our life!

Let's take a look at the moment that you did win Got To Dance.

DAVINA MCCALL: Chris and Wes!

CHEERING

Lovely. That's a lovely reaction.

So, lads, how has winning that competition changed your lives?

-Literally...

-Flipped it upside down. Literally.

We won it, and the next day I wanted to stay in bed as long as possible,

because we'd been rehearsing non-stop.

We had the semi-final on the Friday,

so we were rehearsing for two or three months.

I wanted to stay in bed, but we were out by 8:30, doing interviews.

Really? Showbiz life straightaway!

Not only did you win the title,

but you can buy a good bed with 250 grand!

-That was the prize money.

-I haven't done that yet.

-What have you bought with the money?

-Matching cars.

-Really?!

-Yes!

They're the same in every way - the colour, the shape, everything.

-What happens in the car park when you can't find your keys?

-We've done it!

-We were bleeping it...

-Don't know whose it is.

-Oh, that's me!

Before becoming global superstars,

you were backing dancers for an A-list celebrity.

-Yeah, Cheryl Cole.

-Wow!

-She's lovely. It was wicked.

That was a really good experience, especially at the Royal Albert Hall.

That was amazing. It was a very militant routine. We had these hats.

There was an issue with mine. We had to get a strap to pull it down.

Cos it would come to here, but when they let it go it would go...

The Royal Albert Hall goes up,

so I want to look up, but I'm not allowed to.

He was the same, he said, "I want to look up, but I can't!"

Well, before you do your exclusive performance,

could you please try and teach me and Sam a move?

-Of course!

-Here we go.

CHEERING

We have a bit of music. Let's have the music, get us in the mood.

MUSIC STARTS

What have you got for us?

-Join hands.

-Join hands.

OK, you've got an arm movement with the wrist and elbows.

-And we'll take it from the fingers. Ready?

-Do it. ..Oh, nice.

-Come back!

-Come back!

-Oh, wow!

-CHEERING

-Nice work, nice work.

We'll leave you to the dancing, and we'll stick to the presenting.

Chris and Wes, if you'd like to get ready for your performance, please.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Don't give up the day job, I'm telling you!

OK, audience, and everyone at home, prepare to be blown away.

Ashley Banjo from Diversity described them

as the most unique dance act he's ever seen.

You are about to find out why. It's Chris and Wes!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

ALARM CLOCK RINGS

Chris, we're going to be late for the final!

MUSIC: "One More Time" by Daft Punk

I think we're lost!

# Just the two of us We can make it if we try

-# Just the two of us

-Just the two of us. #

MUSIC: "aNYway" by Duck Sauce

-Oh, my days! It's Sam and Mark.

-They're gorgeous! Oh, my days!

# Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? #

MUSIC: "One" by Swedish House Mafia

We made it!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That was amazing! Amazing! Brilliant!

-Thanks so much! One more time, give it up for Chris and Wes!

-Fantastic!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

See you later. Wow, they can dance!

It's time to turn the spotlight onto another member of our audience.

-Everyone loves a birthday, don't they?

-I do.

You get loads of presents, everyone's nice to you,

you get a cake, you even have a party.

Basically it's a day full of fun.

We like to celebrate birthdays.

The only thing is, we don't have a full day to do it.

That is why we're going to give someone in the audience today

the world's quickest birthday party.

And that person is you, Beth!

Happy birthday!

Cue the celebration!

MUSIC: "Fiesta" by The Pogues

-Happy birthday! There you go, Beth.

-Thank you!

-First question is, please tell me it's your birthday today?

-Yes!

-How old are you?

-10.

CHEERING

Right now, let's find out what else is coming up on today's show.

Get out my face!

Still to come: In Yer Face!

And the question is, what on earth is Mark doing dressed as a woman?

Do you have anything for a windy tummy or something like that?

-Do you suffer from bellyache and stuff like that?

-No.

PFFRRRT! Ugh. Oh, I'm all right.

Stay tuned to find out. But right now, it's back to the studio.

CHEERING

Now, still to come, two families will go head-to-head

and hope to walk away with one of the greatest prizes given away on TV,

as we play Win The Presenter. We've already met our first family.

In case you missed it, we strapped Dad, Balbir, onto a wheel

and gave him a right old spin.

He got foamed, but he did win some popcorn for the audience!

-How you feeling now?

-He's feeling good!

-Yaaay!

-That means he's good!

-He's drier.

-It's time to randomly select our second studio victim,

and to help with that, let us introduce to you a friend of ours.

Bring on the finger.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Finger Of Fun. Hello.

-I don't like it when it gets close.

-Don't worry about it, it's a friend.

Finger, we need you to select someone that loves having some fun.

Finger of fun, find us someone. Go!

Who's it going to be?!

Everyone is wanting it to be them. Is it going to be you?

Oh, it might be!

-It's not going to be you!

-They all want it, but only one can have it!

Who's it going to be?

-The finger has spoken! What is your name?

-Andrea.

In that case, Andrea, get yourself down here.

It's time to have some fun. It's time for the Prize Surprise!

Do not adjust your TV sets - we really are this short.

We really are!

-Andrea, how are you feeling, darling?

-Nervous, but I'm OK.

We'll look after you! I bet you didn't think

you'd be standing here, being the star of the show, did you?

-Definitely not.

-Who are you here with today?

My sister, my nephew Joshua, and my niece Mia.

There they are! Give us a wave, guys! Nice to see you.

Enjoying themselves.

If I'm telling you the truth, I already know who you're here with,

because it was Josh who wanted everyone to see this...

Yes, that is you as a young little girl. You look lovely there!

Give her a cuddle! Give her a cuddle! She's gone!

You look lovely!

Let's change the subject slightly.

How do you fancy playing a game to win prizes for your nephew Joshua,

even though he stitched you up like a kipper?

-Most definitely.

-Yeah!

-You're all right, mate!

OK, we are about to play a little game of Pairs.

Behind these doors are 12 items. Each item is part of a pair.

Find a pair, win a prize.

For example, if we were to open number 2, that'd be a red shoe.

-Nice. A lovely shoe.

-Open this one...

-Oh!

-So that wouldn't be a pair, would it?

-It wouldn't be a pair.

-Nice.

-Whose flip-flop is this?

-They're mine.

-They're yours! They're yours!

Yes, Andrea, you may recognise that flip-flop, cos that is yours

and that red shoe is yours. In fact,

every one of these doors is filled with one of your shoes.

I want to stick this one back. All right. OK.

-Now, we've got your attention.

-We HAVE.

We know you love shoes, because we've been speaking to your sister Desiree,

and planning this for days. What have you got to say?

-You wait till I get home!

-THEY CHUCKLE

OK, 60 seconds on the clock, please. Thank you very much.

-Andrea, are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Mark'll do the opening doors.

Here we go. Three, two, one.

-Pick a pair.

-Six.

-Six. OK. We've got... Ooh! Lovely.

-Eight.

Six and eight, OK. Let's open that door.

-Yes! A pair!

-Well done. Next one.

-Two.

-We're going for two.

-That's the red one.

-11.

You're going for 11?

No, that is not a match. Let's close it. What are you going for?

-One.

-We're going for one. Ooh!

-11, 11, 11.

-Oh-oh-oh...

-It's a match.

-Yay!

-Four, four, four.

Four, four. Oh, I'm not fit for this! Ooh, you know this one!

-Two, two, two!

-Yeah. Whoa...

-Yes! You're doing really well.

-Three, three.

Three, three? OK. What's this one? Oh, nice one!

-Number five, number five.

-Number five?

-No.

-Shut that one. Shut that one.

-Number seven, number seven.

-You're going for number seven? I wish I was fitter!

-Number nine!

-Number nine.

-Number nine, OK. Let's open this.

-Yes!

-Number ten, number ten.

-OK, yes.

-Number three!

-OK!

Number 12.

Number five and number 12.

Yeah!

KLAXON WAILS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Very good!

You know... You know you said you was a fitness trainer? Oh!

Sort me out with a membership, will you? OK.

I can say that you matched all six pairs.

-That's six prizes for Josh from the Wind-Up prize stack.

-Oh, yeah.

Lots of prizes for you to choose from there.

But now, we are going to wind things up a notch.

How do you fancy winning...this for Josh?

Ooh! It's a brand-new games console!

Hey, before you say...

Now, we have well established that you are a big fan of the shoe.

But to claim that star prize,

all you have to do is name ten types of shoe/footwear in 30 seconds.

OK, are you ready? In three, two, one. Go!

Wellies, flip-flops, heels,

Rifts, sandals...

Oh, er... Oh...

Stilettos, stilettos.

Boots, boots.

Ankle boots, ankle boots.

Er...

Crocs! Trainers, trainers.

CHEERING

-Two more.

-High-tops, espadrilles.

-Yes, that's it!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Wow!

-Very good.

-OK.

-Very good.

That was amazing. Well done.

You have won not only six prizes, you have also won a star prize for Josh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Very good.

-Andrea, you have been absolutely awesome.

Give it up for Andrea and her amazing collection of shoes!

They are amazing!

Now, Andrea, not only have you won

a wonderful selection of prizes for Josh,

you have also won something else.

Yes, you are going to be going head to head with star of

Dad On A Wheel Balbir, to try and win me...

-Or me.

-..in Win The Presenter later on. What do you think of that?

-Great!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Whoever wins us gets to do whatever they want with us,

-and that is very scary!

-Very scary.

Stay tuned to find out which one of us is this week's star prize

but, in the meantime,

let's see what happened last time on Win The Presenter.

Hello, welcome to Win The Presenter. Off you go. Go on, Sam!

OK, here we go.

A point, yeah!

We'll be sending a shock right through those pants.

Buzz him! Buzz him!

The Savages get the points.

The Savage family are closest, so you win the presenter!

Fantastic. Good luck, Sam.

Say tuned - this week's instalment of Win The Presenter

is coming up very soon. Right now,

we want to introduce to you a couple of friends of ours.

Please give it up for Adam and Sohail.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Milk it! Milk it!

You might recognise these guys - they appeared

on another of our hit TV shows, TMi Friday.

-There they are, Sam and Mark's TMi Friday.

-Ah, the good times, eh, lads?

-The good times.

-Who was on the show? Kara Tointon and Shayne Ward.

Had fun with them, didn't we?

Hacker T Dog, as well. Look at that!

I think it's fair to say that a good time was had by all.

What was your highlight of being on TMi?

Meeting all the celebrities - they were absolutely hilarious.

-Oh, really? Nice! Which was your favourite celebrity?

-All of them.

-But Kara a bit more.

-THEY CHUCKLE

Well, the fact that we've got a bit of history with these guys

made them perfect candidates for our brand-new game In Yer Face.

-I'm going to do what you do.

-Yeah, do it.

For this game to work, we needed two people who'd recognise us

-if we bumped into them in the street.

-We also needed two people

who we had a bit of inside information on.

For example, not only do we know where you guys live,

but we know about your hobbies and where you like to hang out.

As we knew where they hung out,

we rigged those places with hidden cameras

so we could film these guys all day without them realising.

Yes, but the big question was,

could we infiltrate their lives without being recognised?

-Let's find out. Adam, say the magic words.

-Run VT.

Ah! A sunny sleepy day in Shipley.

And then we turned up!

-Right! It's time for another game of In Yer Face.

-In YOUR face!

-Not my face.

-No, not your face,

but we are going to be getting in the faces of these two.

I'm taking Sohail.

And I'm taking Adam.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of disguises to help us out.

Whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity right in our faces,

then it's game over.

So, let's get things on course by playing round one, Golfer.

Can Sam and Mark get their golfer impressions down to a TEE?

First up, Sam.

-Oh, no.

-You got a hold of that one!

I'm not confident about this - I can't play golf to save my life.

What I want you to do is hit the ball...

-Don't you patronise me!

-Whenever you see Sohail take a shot,

I want you to comment on it.

Maybe, you know, throw in an accent or something.

Right!

HE CHUCKLES

Here we go. Here we go.

-AMERICAN ACCENT:

-All right! Whoo!

Right behind you, dude!

Sohail's better than you!

Oh, man!

MARK CHUCKLES He's looking at you!

-Nice shot!

-Ooh! He looked at you funny then.

He looked at you proper funny then. He's looking at you up and down.

Oh! Come on!

I want you to do some stupid stretching now.

He's laughing at you!

Man!

Give him some advice.

Good shot, kid. Remember, on your tiptoes, yeah? Keep it good.

Hope you have a better game than me.

Man!

That was amazing!

So, Sam goes one up.

Next to tee off... it's Mark "Tiger" Rhodes.

You look like you should be in an indie band.

I know what you're saying. A really cool one?

Don't forget, if Adam outs you - if he says,

"You're Mark from Sam and Mark," it's game over.

Not going to happen, mate.

-YORKSHIRE ACCENT: I'll talk like this and keep it local.

-Here they come.

Looking at you.

YORKSHIRE ACCENT: Keep your head down, lad. Spread your legs a little.

-That's it. Go on.

-Oh, he's listening to you.

-That's it, lad. That's it, lad. Natural! Nice work.

-He's got no idea.

Well, you're a natural.

-I'd get yourself out of there.

-I'll leave you to it.

You're doing a cracking job.

Whoa! Tell you what, mate, wowsers!

Nice work. I'll see you later.

-MARK CHUCKLES

-Very good, very good!

Oh, he didn't have a clue, mate.

-No, not at all.

-We were like best friends in the end. It was amazing!

One-all. Next challenge - let's do it. Start her up.

-Start her up.

-All right.

-ENGINE TURNS OVER

-Start her up.

-Yeah, she's dead.

Mark makes it one apiece, which means it's time for round two.

Can the lads carry out their survey without being rumbled?

Hey, let's find out!

You need to go up to Sohail and ask the question,

"Which celebrity would you most like to see

"turn on the Christmas lights in Bradford?"

-Easy, mate.

-What accent are you going for?

-I'm going to go "Scor-tish".

-"Scor-tish"? Interesting.

So, I apologise to any Scottish people in advance.

Remember, if Sohail actually says,

"You're Sam from Sam and Mark," it's it. That's over.

OK, now I'm nervous.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

-EXAGGERATED SCOTS ACCENT:

-Can I ask you a quick question?

I'm doing a bit of market research.

I'm just wondering, which celebrity

would you like to see switch on Bradford's Christmas lights?

Ooh, Sohail might just have twigged what's going on,

but unless he clearly identifies Sam to his face,

then Sam is still in the game.

Oh, the two wee lads off the telly? Oh, yeah, good guys!

-I can't believe this.

-You've got another two choices.

-Simon Cowell.

-Oh, laddie. Ah, good one, laddie.

-I don't think he knows!

-Aston from JLS.

-Aston from JLS? Oh, the wee lad from JLS? The small one?

Come on, Sohail. You've got to get him!

Nice one. Cheers, mate.

Shook his hand, as well!

MARK CHUCKLES

-Wait a minute!

-Hey, he didn't say it, so I'm still in the game.

-What?!

-And we're switching on Bradford's Christmas lights.

The little fella sneaks a 2-1 lead. Next up, it's the other one.

-Are you nervous?

-Not at all, mate. Not at all.

-You are a bit, aren't you?

-Massively.

Get ready. He's coming up the hill.

This is it, mate. Don't mess it up. If you lose this, it's game over.

He's coming round the corner. Good luck.

Er, excuse me. Before you go in, could I, er...

I'm doing some market research

for Bradford Metropolitan Council. Just wondering,

which celebrity would the people of Bradford most like to see

-switch on the Christmas lights this year?

-Simon Cowell.

That would be a good one, wouldn't it? Yes. Very good.

-Popular.

-It is. All right. Thank you very, very much.

That's great market research. Thank you. Enjoy yourself. Take care.

Very good, very good.

I can say that now - you have absolutely smashed it.

I can't actually believe that we are carrying on, because it's just...

Hey, those are the rules, brother.

-I'm still in the game until he says, "You're Sam."

-Start that car up.

-All right. Let's do it.

-Owww!

Off to the next challenge!

We'll be back for that after their break. Two-all.

-OK.

-Adam, what did you suspect when you saw me at the golfing range?

Nothing. I thought you were a random person playing golf.

-We had a great time - working on our swing. Smashed it!

-Now, Sohail,

you said you wanted Mark and I to switch on the lights.

Now, was that just a coincidence, or had you rumbled me?

Well, I thought you did look like Sam, but I wasn't 100% sure,

so I just want to see your reaction when I said "Sam and Mark".

Mark, you must've been confident - you didn't put much of an accent on.

-I didn't think I needed to after your display.

-Well, that's true. So,

with the scores still at two-all, it was all still to play for.

-Let's find out what happened next. Sohail, over to you.

-Run VT.

Can these two big gobs get a note out without getting caught out?

Samuel, strike up the band.

OK, Sam, the rules are that you have to go to Sohail's house,

you have to knock on the door. When he answers it,

you need to sing him happy birthday in, er...

Well, a song of your choosing, really.

If he recognises you, remember he has to say,

"Are you Sam from Sam and Mark?" If he does that, game over, mate.

I am still in this game, and you're running scared.

I can hear it in your voice. I can hear it in your stupid voice.

-You're a stupid voice.

-Good trash talk.

-Cheers, man.

Here we go.

# Happy birthday, birthday, birthday

# It's your birthday today

# We hope that you enjoy yourself

# Because it's your birthday

# It's nice to have a birthday

# Because it's your birthday

# Happy birthday, hey!

-MIDLANDS ACCENT:

-Happy birthday, mate. Nice to meet you, Jack.

-You all right? Yeah, good to meet you, Jack.

-Are you Jack?

-It's what?

-Sohail.

-Sohail?

I thought it was Jack. Is this not number eight?

Is this not number eight?

-What number house is this?

-Six.

I'm really sorry. I've got the wrong house. I'm sorry about that.

OK, see you, mate.

HE GIGGLES

Sorry, what?

-Yes, he said, he said it!

-Finally!

Sohail...

Come here, mate. We, er...

We have been playing a game with you all day -

I think you know that, don't you?

I've not been very good today, have I?

We have been playing a game called In Yer Face,

where I've been trying to get into your life.

I was the man asking you who'd switch on the Christmas lights.

Brilliant. Well, you have just found me out, but what you don't know

is that Mark is playing this with your good friend Adam.

And what I can tell you is, at the minute,

Adam has no idea that it's Mark at all. He's not clocked at all.

-You have clocked. Do you reckon Adam will get him?

-It might take a while.

Sam's failure means the scores remain at two apiece.

If Mark avoids identification, he's our winner!

OK, dude, this could be it for you. This could be the one.

If Adam doesn't get you in this one, you've won.

Which would be nice, wouldn't it? How you feeling, mate?

Nervous. Really nervous.

Good luck, dude. Don't forget, this is it for you.

If you don't do it, it'll be a measly draw and you won't have won.

I know how much you like to win.

# Happy birthday, happy birthday

# I hope you agree

# You'll have many more birthdays, but so will me

# Grammatically, that's not correct I know that it's true

# I'm wearing red and white today but sometimes I wear blue. #

AMERICAN ACCENT: Happy birthday, Peter.

Your name's not Peter?

Your name's not Peter?! Oh, what's your name?

-Adam.

-Adam?

-Nice to meet you, Adam. This is not 23?

-No.

Where's 23?

Where's 23, man?

I can't believe this. I...

I'll let you go. I'll let you go.

I'm not from around here. I'm from America.

Ooh! Adam may well recognise him from somewhere, but unless he makes

a positive identification, Mark will win the game.

-I'll see you later, man.

-Ridiculous!

HE LAUGHS

Yeah!

So, Mark's won but could he really rub Sam's face in it

by winning another round dressed as a woman with wind?

-Mark, can you hear me?

-Loud and very clear.

Or should I say, Marquetta?

Looking good(!)

You're talking to a winner, Nixon, so pipe down.

Let's see how far we can take it.

So, Adam's going to come into the chemist.

What you need to do is pretend that you've got a really bad tummy

so ask the person at the counter

for something that could solve your tummy troubles.

-Good times.

-Good luck, dude, they're on the way.

Let's see how good you really are, Mark.

-Do you want to sit down?

->

Excuse me, love.

Excuse me, do you have anything for a windy tummy or something?

-I'm having a lot of gas at the minute. I'm so bloated.

-Oh, dear.

Oh, it's been terrible.

-I can't tell you the grief that I've had but I feel quite gassy.

-Good.

-Do you suffer from belly ache and stuff like that?

-No.

Oh! Oh, no! FARTING AND RUMBLING

I'm all right, oh.

Really?

I look like Mark from TMi?

You're right, mate, it is! How you doing?

We have been playing a little game called In Yer Face.

Sam has been playing with Sohail and I have been playing with you

and thankfully my friend, you have not noticed me

until the very end so I have won, gimme five. Yes.

I'm sure you knocked on my door.

-Who is this?

-That's Sam.

-Here he is.

-How are you?

-I'm all right.

THEY CHEER

-Have you enjoyed yourselves?

-Yes.

-We've had a great time.

It's been a crazy day, but worth it.

AUDIENCE CHEERS

I've got to say, you're right, it was a crazy day and it was worth it

because I smashed it, in your face, Nixon.

-Get in.

-OK, pipe down, at least I went out in style.

Scrap that, I was stupid, dressed as a barbershop singer.

-And Adam, Marquetta in the chemist, that was the last straw.

-Yeah.

-Was it the beard?

-Probably.

But some women have beards.

LAUGHTER

-He's not wrong.

-He isn't wrong. He isn't wrong. Not with a full beard.

I think you'll agree that Sohail and Adam have been cracking sports.

Give them a massive round of applause.

APPLAUSE

Well, it is time to find out which one of us is today's star prize

because it's time for Win The Presenter.

When I first heard about Win The Presenter I thought it was

another one of their wind-ups.

I really can't believe they're giving themselves away.

Winning a presenter - I think that's off the chain -

but that's Sam and Mark for you, those boys are absolute legends.

I just can't believe they're doing it. Crazy.

Who would I rather win? Sam or Mark?

You could have both, or is that a bit greedy?

It would be better if it was Ant and Dec, right?

I heard it's cos they didn't have any money for a real prize.

I'd rather win a holiday, though.

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Win The Presenter!

And let's find out which presenter they're playing for today.

He's often known as "the other one", it's Mark.

Which means it's time to meet your host, Mr Sam Nixon!

CHEERING

Woo!

Yay, welcome to Win The Presenter, the part of the show where

two families go head-to-head and win today's star prize, Mark Rhodes.

Yeah, today one of our lucky families will take Mark home and do

anything they want with him and when I say anything, I mean anything.

And if you want some inspiration for this very special prize take a look

at what our last family got up to when they won the presenter.

-Hello, girls. So, have you got loads of jobs for me?

-Yeah.

All right, let's do it, let's get cracking.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC

Phew!

There you go, the Stewarts and the Nandras,

that's the kind of thing you can get Mark to do if you win him today.

-Say bye, guys.

-Bye.

OK, well, let's meet the families who could be winning you.

The Nandras. Balbir, we saw you being spun on that wheel earlier.

-Have you recovered from that?

-I have indeed.

It's good to have you here. Introduce the rest of your team.

This is Hrithika, Ishan and Rekha.

Excellent, give it up for the Nandras.

Now, Nandras, if you want to get your hands on Mark

you are going to beat the Stewart family.

Andrea, we met you earlier in the show

and your wonderful collection of shoes.

Introduce the rest of your team for us.

This is Joshua, Mia and Desiree.

OK, give it up for the Stewart team.

APPLAUSE

OK, so, Nandras, any unpleasant jobs that you've got in mind for Mark

that he could do for you?

-Erm.

-Clean the garden.

-Cleaning the what?

-The garden.

-The garden?

-Oh-ho-ho, is it a bit overgrown?

-Nah, it's just big.

-Oh, it's big.

That'll be a tough job!

He was right in there, weren't he?

So he doesn't have to do it, I don't blame him.

Stewarts, what about you? What job would you have Mark do?

-Ironing.

-Lots of ironing.

-Lots of ironing.

Excellent, that's a good one. A big pile of it? Excellent.

-Mark, are you happy?

-No, not at all!

So, let's get things kicked off with Round One.

Mark here is a massive fan of Wolverhampton Wanderers

and one of his dreams is to be

a professional footballer, so imagine his surprise

when he receives a phone call

offering him a £100,000-a-week professional contract.

Happy days!

The only thing is, though,

the contract is for Wolves' arch rivals West Brom!

DRAMATIC CHORD

Does he A) Turn it down immediately,

this boy is Wolves through and through.

No amount of money would make him put on a West Brom shirt.

B) Have a long, hard struggle with himself

but realise the money was too good to be true and sign the contract.

Or would he C) Play hardball, try to get his wage up to £200,000 a week

and as part of his deal see if they will employ me to clean his boots?

Mark, the question is, what would you do? Before you answer, families,

you need to write down the answer that you think Mark will say.

So, A) Would he turn it down straight away?

B) Would he have a long, hard struggle with himself

but still sign the contract?

Or C) Would he play hardball and try and get a bit more money?

OK, both teams have written down their answer.

Nandras, we'll go to you first. Nandra, please reveal your answer.

-A.

-You've gone for A. You said he'd turn it down immediately.

-Stewarts, please reveal your answer.

-C.

You said play hardball and try and get a bit more money.

Let's find out. Mark, what would you do?

-Morally...

-Be honest!

I am! Morally, this is a tricky dilemma because I love money.

LAUGHTER

But I also love Wolves as well.

So, I hope my dad's not watching, I'd probably...

I'd refuse point-blank.

Liar.

That's what I'm going with, that's what I'm sticking with.

So, that means that the answer is A,

which means that the Nandras got that correct. Congratulations.

So, it's one to the Nandras,

the Stewarts still to get off the mark but now it's time

to really wind things up or, more importantly, really wind Mark up.

Mark, get yourself ready

cos it's time for Presenter Under Pressure.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that since the last round

Mark is now wearing one extra item of clothing - a pair of pants.

Unfortunately for Mark, these are no ordinary pants. Oh, no!

They are the Underpants of Chaos!

DRAMATIC MUSIC AND THUNDERCLAPS

SAM CACKLES SINISTERLY

Very shortly I will be asking Mark ten questions about a subject

that he thinks he knows everything about, football.

But every time he answers a question incorrectly or takes too long,

we will be sending a shock right through those pants just like this.

Argh! ZAPPING

Just like this.

No!

LAUGHTER

OK, all you have to do

is guess how many questions you think Mark will get right.

Families, write down your answers now. Mark, how are you feeling?

-Terrible.

-Excellent.

Let's make things more unpleasant

by throwing in some tension music and dramatic lighting.

TENSE MUSIC

AUDIENCE WHOOPS

Yeah, it's pretty tense in here.

Viewers of a nervous disposition may choose to look away

because Mark, your ten questions start now.

What year was the first ever World Cup held?

-1932.

-Incorrect!

-Oh!

The correct answer is 1930, you were close.

-Who does Andy Carroll play for?

-New...No, Liverpool!

Just in time, correct. Just in time.

-How many teams are there in the English Premier League?

-20.

-Correct.

-What country does Christiano Ronalso play for?

-Portugal.

-Correct.

Name the ground where Hartlepool United play?

-You're having a...a shed.

-Time's up!

SAM LAUGHS

The correct answer was Victoria Park.

OK, which team has won the most Premier League titles?

-Manchester United.

-Correct.

What is the nickname of Scottish Football team Partick Thistle FC?

-The Thistles?

-Incorrect.

Argh!

It was actually The Jags.

OK, what Match Of The Day pundit used to play for Newcastle United?

-Alan Shearer.

-Correct.

-Phew!

How many England caps did Wolves legend Steve Ball earn?

-You should know this.

-12.

Incorrect.

Waaa! Argh!

Steve Ball is Mark's hero, so he should have known that.

In fact, give him another, because he should have known that.

It was actually 13, you were close. OK, final question.

Last one, here we go. Which country won this year's Copa America?

-Uruguay.

-Correct. OK.

So, that is your ten questions, Mark,

and I can reveal that you got six right.

The remaining question is, how did our families do?

Now, Nandras family -

how many answers did you think Mark would get right?

-Five.

-Five! That is very, very close.

The closest does win this round. Stewarts, what did you write down?

-Five.

-Five! So, you know what we're going to do?

We're going to give you both a point.

So, that means that the Nandras have two points

but slightly lagging behind with one point is the Stewart family.

The next round is the game we thought we wouldn't need to play.

Many people suggested that we didn't play it.

Families, audience, viewers, I know what you're thinking -

where can we go from here?

I'll tell you, it's Chimp On A Chair.

Now, as you can see, on our wind-up chair there is a chimp

rotating at quite some speed but it's not any old chimp,

it's Mark's pet chimp and due to a mix-up Mark hasn't fed him all day.

Mark, you silly sausage, why have you not fed him?

-Because if he eats, he's going to puke up.

-True.

Now, once the chair stops spinning, our dizzy chimp

will have 20 seconds to grab as many of these bananas as possible.

There are loads of bananas on the floor,

so the question for our families is -

how many bananas will chimpy be able to grab?

Families, please write down your answer.

You'll have to hurry up,

we don't have much time and we don't want him to throw up.

CHIMP HOLLERS

OK, they've written it down. Here we go. In three, two, one.

Stop the chimp.

Right, OK, I'm releasing you. Go! Go! Go! This way.

Pick up the bananas. On your feet, chimp, on your feet.

CLAXON SOUNDS

Time's up. Time's up. OK, come over here.

-OK, Mark, do you want to come over and help your pet chimp?

-Massively.

OK, right. Let's see how many bananas you've picked up.

You've got one, two, three, we've got four bananas.

APPLAUSE

I love that you gave him a round of applause for that.

OK, let's go over to the families. The closest answer wins.

OK, Nandras, reveal your answer.

-11.

-11. Interesting, OK. The Stewarts, what's your answer?

-13.

-13! Which means, the Nandras you get it and you are today's winners!

Congratulations, that means, Mark, go over there,

you have been won, my friend.

Nandras, you said you were going to get him to do the garden,

are you going to get him cracking on it straight away?

-Yes.

-Excellent. Good luck with that.

Now, the Stewart family, commiserations,

but today you have won six prizes earlier on

and you won the star prize, have you had a good day?

-Yes.

-Nice one, give it up for the Stewart family everybody.

OK, so, that is the end of the show.

A big thank you to all of the stars of today's show.

A big thank you to birthday girl Beth, happy birthday, Beth.

A big thank you to Chris and Wes.

Thank you to the stars of In Your Face, Adam and Sohail, cheers, lads.

A big thank you to the Stewart family

and a massive thank you to our winning family, the Nandras.

Nandras, you did with Mark what you wish.

Just make sure that he comes back in one piece for the next show.

See you later, mate, bye!

Oh!

Bye!