Episode 12 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

# Wind me up, put me down Start me up and watch me go

# Cos it's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now it's already begun. #

APPLAUSE

'Ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started.

'Give it up for your hosts, Sam and Mark!'

CHEERING

Come with me, come with me! Look at all these people!

Look at all these people! Come on!

-Welcome to the weekend!

-Oh, yes!

-Oh, yes!

It starts right here. We are winding things up for your weekend.

-I want to know, who is along for the ride?

-Yeah.

How about you at home? Are you up for it? Are you? Yeah?

Oh, yeah! You will not believe what we've got in store.

This show is full to bursting with surprises, and they could be for you!

They could be for you! They could be for you!

-Or you. Don't think I've forgotten about you.

-Or you!

-Probably not me.

-Probably not.

On today's show, we're going to try and pull off,

quite literally, our biggest surprise ever.

-And there's going to be a little slippery twist in the tale.

-Ooo!

-ALL: Ooo!

-Yeah.

We've also been out and about with an epic hidden camera prank

that involves some old friends, a bakery

and a very strange-looking woman.

Can we get that, Angie, please? Let's get this lady what she wants.

Pretty weird, that. See, no-one is safe from the Wind-Up cameras.

I am sure you want to see what happens when two families battle

-to get their hands on the greatest prize in television.

-What is it?

It's a presenter! CHEERING

That's right. One lucky family in this audience, yes, you heard me,

one family out there could be leaving today with me or Sam.

In this studio, we get to call the shots.

But whoever takes us home can do whatever they want. Scary!

-Yeah, you're right.

-LAUGHTER

We couldn't Wind Up to the weekend without music.

They'll be performing later on. It's Oh My!

CHEERING

We will be catching up with them later.

Right now, are you guys ready for this jelly? Are you? Are you ready?

Because I think it's time to walk the walk

and not just talk the talk.

Remember, this is the show with a surprise around every corner.

No-one is safe. Especially if you're a huge embarrassment to your kids.

Let's do this. Let's do this right now. Yeah?

You following me? Following me? Yeah?

Embarrassing people around and about.

Hello. You all all right? You all look lovely. All right, mate?

-I'm fine.

-Good. Good.

How are you? You all right? High-five.

Good. Good. Good.

I would like to speak to you, Karen.

-Hello. You all right?

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-Is this your son Aiden?

-Hi, Aiden. You all right there?

-Yeah.

-Good.

Now, we have heard that you've got an embarrassing story.

Including a spoon and a trip to A&E.

Explain yourself.

Um, I was cooking porridge

and my husband took the Mickey out of my porridge.

-Right.

-So I went towards him with the spoon.

Whoa!

I brought the spoon down as he lifted his hand

-and I broke his wrist.

-LAUGHTER

So he didn't like your porridge, so you broke his wrist.

Aiden, that must have been embarrassing

-when your parents went to A&E and had to explain the story.

-Yeah.

Security, have we checked Karen for spoons?

-You've not got any spoons with you, have you?

-Not today, no.

-OK. Good.

We're safe. Mark, beat that.

Tricky. Tricky, tricky.

Oh, so many embarrassing people.

Eee! Ooo! You're all looking at me, going, "Don't come to me".

LAUGHTER

Right.

Sian, Lorelle.

-How are you, girls?

-Fine.

-Fine, yeah. Good?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Well, you've got an embarrassing auntie, haven't you?

THEY LAUGH

She's pretty embarrassing. What does she do that embarrasses you?

When we're going shopping,

she'll go in her pyjamas

and then she'll start dancing

and shouting our names in front of everyone. It's really embarrassing.

She dances in her pyjamas everywhere?

-Oh! Where is she today? Do you know?

-She's at work.

-Is she at work?

It would've been brilliant if she was rocking out

in the studio with everyone to see, wouldn't it?

Well, you know, never mind. What's that?

She is here? And she's ready to perform right now?

-LAUGHTER

-Right, OK.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Aunty Nina.

APPLAUSE

MUSIC: "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hey, what was that like? That move!

That move was my favourite. Yeah!

Is that the kind of thing that embarrasses you, girls?

BOTH: Yeah.

-I'm so sorry!

-Oh, bless her!

You'll be pleased to know we're going to

give you the chance to get your own back on your aunt big time.

-Aunty, you need to go and get ready.

-That way.

Sian and Lorelle, you need to come with me

because it's time to play Aunty On A Wheel! Come on!

APPLAUSE

Sian and Lorelle, are you ready to see your aunty

-as you've never seen her before?

-BOTH: Yeah.

Studio audience, are you ready to see Sian and Lorelle's aunty

as you've never seen her before? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

In that case, everybody in the Wind-Up audience,

please give it up for Aunt On A Wheel!

SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE

# Upside down

# Boy you turn me inside out

# Round and round. #

Aunty Nina, you are looking good. How are you feeling?

-I'm all right.

-You're all right? Good.

-You look terrified!

-LAUGHTER

If you've switched over to Sam and Mark's Big Friday Wind-Up,

I can confirm you are not seeing things.

That is a large wheel, it is divided into six sections

and that is someone's aunt strapped onto it. Sam, explain yourself.

There are three gold sections.

If Nina lands on Aunt, she will win herself a prize.

-That'd be nice, wouldn't it?

-That'd be lovely.

If Nina lands on Audience,

she will win a prize for our entire studio audience.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

But better, better still,

if Nina lands on Star, Sian and Lorelle could win a prize.

Yes, that is good.

That is good, but only if they can answer a question correctly.

What we're saying, basically, is gold is good.

Red, however, is bad!

If Nina lands on red, she will come face-to-face with the Foaminator.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

This week's Foaminator is Alex and Jade from Oh My!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come over here, ladies. Come over here.

Looking good, girls!

Now, don't worry.

All the big names in music have taken part in this part of the show.

You know, Beyonce, Rihanna, the Bieber. He loves a bit of foaming.

Actually, I'm lying. They've never agreed to come on this show.

Yet! Yet!

Just remember, if it lands on red,

you have to release a furious amount of foam right in Aunty's face, yeah?

-OK.

-Excellent.

OK, girls. Let's get out the line of fire.

I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't know why.

Let's stand over here, that's it, girls.

All right, in that case, here we go. Loads of prizes, no big deal.

Come on Sam...

ALL: Wind up that wheel!

All right, here we go!

AUNTY NINA SQUEALS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's landed on Aunt, which means you get yourself a prize.

Let's see what it is.

It's a brand new set of pyjamas and slippers.

CHEERING

All right. OK. Are you feeling OK, Nina?

Erm, ye-eah.

LAUGHTER

OK, it's time for the second spin. Here we go!

It's landed on Foam. Ladies, get yourselves in position.

I'm going to stand behind here. After three. Right in the face, girls.

Right in the face. One, two, three, go!

SCREAMING AND CHEERING

LAUGHTER

OK, OK. Come over here, come over here, girls.

Nina, how are you feeling now?

-What?!

-LAUGHTER

OK, it's time for the third and final spin. Here we go!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's Aunt! It's Aunt again! You've won yourself another prize.

Let's see what it is.

It's an air guitar game!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

So not too bad at all.

At the end of Aunt On A Wheel, you only got foamed once

and you won yourself two prizes. APPLAUSE

Thank you to Nina and thank you also to Alex and Jade, our Foaminators.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sian and Lorelle, we have got another surprise

up our sleeves for you, and your aunt, actually.

Because you'll be coming back later on to play Win The Presenter.

APPLAUSE

That maybe is exciting for you but it's a bit terrifying for us.

The winner will take one of us home

and then do whatever they want with us, or to us.

Pretty scary. Who will Sian and Lorelle and Nina be playing against?

It could be anyone in this audience tonight. Any one of you.

Nobody is safe. Keep watching to find out who it's going to be.

Let's take a look at what's coming up on the rest of it.

APPLAUSE

We've taken hidden cameras on the road and dressed Sam and Mark

up in more ridiculous disguises.

Yes, it's In Yer Face.

The Finger Of Fun has got a slippery surprise up its sleeve

for someone in this studio audience.

And we've got music from Oh My! later in the show.

Right now it's back to the boys.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hiya. Win the Presenter is coming up very soon,

but right now let's introduce to you a couple of friends of ours.

Wind-Up audience, please give a massive welcome to Niamh and Lauren!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Ladies, you are looking lovely!

-It's lovely to have you on the show.

You might recognise these girls because they appeared

on another or our smash hit but non-award-winning shows, TMI Friday.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah.

'There's Niamh, there's Lauren and there's Jedward.

'Why am I massaging her head?

'Why are we playing basketball with Justin Bieber's head?

'Jedward seemed to be enjoying themselves, anyway.'

'Ah, yes. Bursting balloons, Bieber and basketball.

'I think it's fair to say a good time was had by all.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good times.

-Great times, great times, Mark.

Did you ever think you'd hear or see

from me and Sam again after the show?

-The occasional Christmas card? No?

-BOTH: No!

Actually, the fact we've got a bit of history

made these guys perfect candidates for our brand new game, In Yer Face.

Let me explain.

For this game to work, we needed two people who had met us in person

who would definitely recognise us if we bumped into them in the street.

And we also needed people we had intel on.

That stands for intelligence. I know that because I got told today.

Now the big question was could we infiltrate their lives

without being recognised? Let's find out.

Niamh, say the magic words.

Roll VT!

'A beautiful, peaceful day in Flint. Until we showed up.'

We're here to play a little game we like to call In Yer Face.

It's called that because we're about to get in the face of these two.

-'I'm taking Niamh.'

-'And I'm taking Lauren.'

'The aim of the game is not to get recognised.'

'We've got loads of disguises to help us out.'

'And whoever gets away with it longest is the winner.

'But if they uncover our true identity and make a positive ID

'right in our faces, it's game over.'

'We kick off with round one - Special Delivery.

'Will Sam and Mark be able to pass themselves off as delivery men?

'Up first is Sam.'

GIGGLING

Don't mess it up, Sam.

COCKNEY ACCENT: All right, I've got a package for number 30.

OK. Mum!

If you just print and sign that, I just need a signature.

-It's not... Mum!

-Get her to sign it!

It's all right, you can sign. I just need a signature, darling.

-Go on, you sign.

-I don't know what to do!

Print your name there and signature there. Cheers, darling.

Stop saying darling. Get out of there, get out of there, quick.

Thank you. Cheers, thank you.

LAUGHTER Oh! That was pretty nerve racking!

-Now it's my turn.

-Your turn now.

-Off to Naimh's. Come on, Niamh!

-Ah-hah!

Horrendous cockney accent! "All right, darling. How's it going?"

LAUGHTER

'That's 1-0 to Sam, but will Mark be able to deliver the goods?'

(Good luck.)

Struggling with gate! Hah!

-Stop laughing.

-Shut up. My moustache is coming off.

Excuse me, I've got a delivery. Can you sign here, please?

Just on there.

Right, just a quick signature, that's all. Anywhere there, love.

All right, darling. You take that in there. All right. Have a good day.

-Bye!

-Thank you.

MARK WHINES

-Go, go, go!

-LAUGHTER

'It's level pegging so it's time for round two, On Your Bike.

'Will Sam and Mark be able to cycle past without getting recognised?

'Let's find out. Up first, Sam.'

I'm going to tell you the rules.

Ride up to her, say good morning and then honk your horn.

Do it really slowly and do it coming towards her, not behind.

-OK.

-Good luck, you'll need it.

'Slowly.'

Morning. Lovely morning.

HORN SQUEAKS

Did she clock you then? Did she clock you?

'Lauren looks suspicious but remember,

'she needs to make a positive ID for the game to be up.

'So has Sam got away with it?'

I'm sure she clocked him then.

Morning. LAUGHTER

Either she recognised me or she thought, "What a weirdo!"

What a weirdo!

'What a weirdo indeed, but he's taken a 2-1 lead.

'Next up it's Mark.'

HORN SQUEAKS

OK, Mark. This is it. Here comes Niamh.

-Morning.

-HORN SQUEAKS

Little look back!

She doesn't suspect a thing.

'That makes it two apiece. Still all to play for.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-We looked weird.

-Very strange. OK, let's start at the beginning.

What was going through your head when that strange,

delivery man with a dodgy accent turned up at your door?

That someone was just winding me up.

Straight away, you were thinking, "This can't be right."

Weirdo. What did you think when I cycled past, Niamh?

I thought, "Why would a grown man have a pink horn on his bike?"

Yeah, Mark. Why?

These were questions I was asking myself, Niamh!

LAUGHTER

OK, so that's 2-2. It's all hanging in the balance.

But one of us had to win and one of us had to become a big loser.

Let's see how it went down. Lauren, you know what to do.

-Run VT.

-'It's time for In Your Face Round 3.

'Can Sam and Mark pretend to be lost ramblers

'and ask for directions in a foreign accent?

'Off you go, son.'

OK, the rules are pretty simple.

All you need to do is ask directions to the town centre.

But do it in an accent.

SAM LAUGHS

-You look like a gibbering wreck.

-I am, I'm nervous.

-It doesn't help that you look like an American garden gnome.

-Ha!

I'll tell you what else doesn't help,

the fact that I've got a map of the Yorkshire Dales.

LAUGHTER

Yeah, granted, that's not going to work in your favour.

POOR AMERICAN ACCENT: Oh, hi! Excuse me, I was just wondering

if you could tell me where the town centre is?

You'll have to go all the way to the front of the castle,

-follow the road around...

-OK.

-..you come to a little bridge...

-Back into Barnsley!

-..that's where the town is.

Follow round to the right, under the bridge. Thank you very much.

Have a good day. 'Bye!

LAUGHING

That was amazing! Keep walking, keep walking.

LAUGHING

LAUGHING

-Can't believe you did that.

-AMERICAN ACCENT: Excuse me!

LAUGHTER

Oh, no, that means I've got to do it now.

Yeah, man! What accent are you going to do?

Well, it's got to be better than yours!

'It's 3-2 to Sam! Will Mark be able to level the scores?'

-I'm just enjoying a sandwich.

-What? Are you?

-Yeah.

-Save us some.

-I will.

You know the rules.

To be fair, I didn't put the map in front of my face.

I don't reckon you should too.

We said what the rules were.

LAUGHING

-You're getting nervous now.

-I'm really nervous.

If I can't use the map, I am going to struggle.

-DUTCH ACCENT:

-Excuse me, could you please, er, help me?

I'm not from around here. I was looking at the map

and I was wondering if you could show me where the town centre is?

Please? Do you know? I have a map. The town centre.

I'm not from around here, so I don't know. Where would you say?

To the shops? OK, thank you, please. A high five for that.

Yes, thank you. Thank you very much.

LAUGHTER Awesome!

Careful, careful!

LAUGHTER

-That was really good.

-What are the scores? 3-3?

-Yes. Three all. Wow!

-This is good. This is tight.

-I would have been found out on that one.

-I'm surprised!

-Next one's a biggy!

'Mark makes it three apiece. So, it's on to round four.

'Can the lads serve their target in a bakery dressed as a lady?

'Let's find out. Up first, Sam.'

-Sam?

-Yep.

-What you need to do is serve her in a woman's voice.

How you doing, ladies? What can I get ya?

LAUGHTER

A tub of coleslaw. Can we get that, Derrin, love?

Couple of slices of that. Can we get that, Angie, please?

Let's get this lady what she wants.

LAUGHTER

-It's my birthday.

-It's your birthday? Oh, happy birthday!

-How old are you today?

-Ten.

-Ten? Wow, I remember being ten!

-Do you remember being ten, Derrin?

-No, it's too far!

-Oh, too long away!

-I don't remember yesterday!

-Here we go, is that it, love?

-That's it, thank you.

-£1.79 that please, love. Thank you.

There you go Angela, love. You do that.

I'm not good with tills me, I'm only new. There's your change.

-Thank you, my love.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-Thanks.

-Thank you. Have a nice party. Happy birthday. See ya.

'Nothing half baked about that!

'Sam seems to have got away with it, so the pressure's now on Mark.'

You all right, ladies? What do you want, darling?

-You don't want anything?

-She can't have bread.

Oh, no, what about coronation chicken down there?

-No, don't like chicken?

-I might have one of those.

-Do you want a drink, Niamh?

-Oh, Niamh, what a lovely name!

-There you go, thank you.

-Bargain! Look at that.

-Thank you very much.

-It's a pleasure. Take care, love, bye!

-Bye!

'So, that means Mark's levelled it up.

'Score draw 4-4!'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

One quick question, Niamh.

DUTCH ACCENT: Could you tell me where the dance centre is, please?

AMERICAN ACCENT: I have a map! I have a map!

My dad always said to me, "Never trust a woman with a beard!"

Lauren, surely, you must've started to smell a rat in that bakery?

Well, I could see it was you, kind of.

-Right.

-But I wouldn't, I didn't think it would be you.

I don't think anybody noticed me, cos when you left the shop,

the guy behind me, "Can I have a bacon sandwich, please?

LAUGHTER

Oh, brilliant.

And, Niamh, I thought you were totally going to get me there.

What were you thinking?

I thought it did look like Mark, and I just thought,

"I don't want to say anything just in case it isn't."

And I don't want to be rude.

That could have been awkward, bless you for being so polite.

That kept us in the game, you still didn't spot us.

So, it was down to the last resort - shadow walking.

Niamh, do it.

Run VT.

'It's time for the decider - shadow walking.

'Whoever can walk in the shadow of their target for the longest time,

'without being recognised, is our winner.'

'Looks like Niamh might have spotted Mark.'

-'Game over, son.'

-How're you doing?

-Fine.

-Are you all right?

'We've been playing a game with you'

all day, called In Your Face.

'Oh, and it looks like Lauren might have spotted Sam!'

Hello, Lauren, all right?!

'Winner!'

-How are you doing?

-You know the delivery person this morning?

That was me.

And then, you went for a little walk in the park, didn't you,

there was a cyclist that went past you? Yeah, that was me.

-And I can't believe you didn't get me in here.

-I thought it was you.

You thought it was me?! You were being too polite, weren't you?

Hey, but something you don't know,

is that Sam has been playing the game also with Lauren.

All right, Niamh?

Hi!

I literally had to go up to her and go, "Hello."

-Did you enjoy that?

-You've got to say something to me.

-Happy birthday!

SAM AND MARK CHEER Don't forget the birthday.

CHEERING

All right, begrudgingly, I will say congratulations.

You pretty much had to jump into Lauren's face to get spotted there.

-That was funny.

-Lauren, it was actually your birthday.

The weirdest birthday ever?

-Yes, and thanks for making me late for my own birthday party.

-Oh, what?

-Sam!

-Oh, man!

-Oh, well, you've both been brilliant, brilliant sports.

Now, please, one more time...

-DUTCH ACCENT:

-Would you tell me the way to the town centre?

-I do not know.

-Give it a rest!

Ladies and gentlemen, give a massive round of applause to Niamh and Lauren!

CHEERING

-Well done, girls.

-Fantastic.

You might have noticed that we are partial to a bit of birthday fun.

The problem is we haven't got a full day to do anything about it!

Don't worry, because we've rectified this,

we've decided to give someone in this audience the world's quickest party.

Yes, and that person is you...

-Ashley! How are you doing, Ashley? Are you all right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, and it is your birthday today, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Phew!

-Ho-ho!

-Ashley, how old are you?

-11.

In that case, happy 11th birthday, cue the celebrations!

CHEERING

Yay! Woo hoo!

MUSIC: "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by Rednex

Look at this!

-Nice!

-All right, Jacko?

-Good.

So, Ashley would you say...?

Sorry, we'll just take that out of your mouth...

-Is this the world's quickest birthday party ever?

-Yeah.

-Excellent!

We've done our jobs brilliantly!

Keep watching, because one family will be walking away with me...

-Or me!

-..when we play Win The Presenter.

Right now, here's what else is coming up on the show.

Happy birthday! CHEERING

'We've got a bobby dazzler of a surprise,

'and yes, it involves a giant animal!

'What do you get if you stick a chimp in a chair

'and spin him like there's no tomorrow?

'Well, why don't you stay tuned to find out.

'And, as if that wasn't enough excitement,

'we've also got music from Oh My!'

CHEERING

So, in case you missed it, we strapped embarrassing Aunt Nina

on to a wheel and gave her a right, old spin.

-I'll tell you what, she didn't do too bad.

-No.

Yeah, she got two prizes for herself and got foamed by

the Foaminator. Oh My! There they are. Right in the face.

Give us a wave if you're feeling OK now, Aunt Nina.

-I'm OK. I'm all right.

-LAUGHTER

Slightly unconvincing, but there we go.

OK, but now, it's time to randomly select our second studio victim.

We couldn't do it without a friend of ours, bring on the finger!

CHEERING SAM: Whoa!

-Look at that!

-Hey, a party blower.

Wey-hey! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the finger of fun.

Now, finger, we need you to select someone,

someone who loves having some fun.

So, finger of fun, find us someone!

Who is it going to be?

Oh, it might be you, sir! Probably not you.

Oh, not you, mate, sorry.

Oh, it might be you, though.

Definitely not you.

Oh, it could be you.

Who's it going to be? Ohhh!

SAM: Wow!

Right, yes way, my friend.

-The finger has spoken, what is your name?

-Ben.

Ben, in that case, Ben, get yourself down here it's time to have some fun.

It's time for The Prize Surprise. Come on down, Ben.

CHEERING

-Ah!

-Ben, it's brilliant to have you here with us.

We've got a surprise for you, don't worry, it's good.

Ben, who are you here with today?

I'm here with my mum, Sharon,

my dad, John, and my little sister, Molly.

Hiya, guys, you all right?

Well, to tell you the truth, Ben, we already knew that.

In fact, we know loads of stuff about you.

Yeah, we do, actually, for example,

-we know you played Oliver in a school play, is that right?

-Yes.

We also know that, when you grow up, you want to be a forensic scientist.

Yes.

We know that you know a few words in Turkish,

what kind of words do you know?

Like, "My name is Ben," say that in Turkish.

Uh, Ben Ben. That means I Ben.

-OK.

-Ben Ben, that's a stroke of luck, isn't it?

I might take up Turkish lessons.

-You could've said anything, I wouldn't have known.

-Sam sam.

How are you doing, you all right?

And, we also know that you love animals, in particular snakes.

-Is it true that you've got a pet snake?

-Yeah.

-Where do you keep them?

-In tanks.

-In tanks? OK.

One in my room, one in my uncle's room in his house,

-and one in my front room.

-Excellent.

-One in your room? Interesting.

We knew that fact, in fact, we know everything about your bedroom.

-Sounds like a cool bedroom, Ben.

-Yeah, really cool.

So, cool we decided we'd like to see it for ourselves,

so we brought it here into the Wind-Up studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Ben's bedroom!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Ben, this is your bedroom, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Good.

It's smaller than my bedroom.

All right, all right. It's not that big a studio to be fair.

-My bedroom's twice the size of that.

-All right!

-Did we get the dimensions right?

-Let's prove it.

Here's a picture of your bedroom before we nicked it.

-Nice.

-Good. This is what it looks like after we nicked it.

-Pretty bare.

-As we've sneaked into your room

without permission, we're going to try to make it up to you

by giving you the chance to win some prizes from our Wind-Up Prize Stash.

-Yeah?

-OK.

-Yeah, that's only fair.

Ben, as you're a big fan of snakes, we've hidden loads

of the slippery suckers around your bedroom.

You've got 30 seconds to rummage through your bedroom and find them.

The more snakes you find, the more prizes. It couldn't be simpler.

Can we have 30 seconds on the clock please?

-Thank you. Ben, are you ready?

-Yes.

-Audience, are you ready?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

The best of luck, Ben. In three, two, one, rummage!

That's it!

-Go on, yeah.

-Yeah!

-Have a good rummage.

-You've got it.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Where's he going?

-He's got something.

-Check the drawers.

Come on, Ben.

You've got 10 seconds left. Come on.

-Come on!

-Where are they?

-Come on!

-Where are they?

-Stop what you're doing!

-Time's up.

-Come over here. Time's up.

-All right.

We'll give you that one. We didn't see that. OK, let's have a look.

How many have we got here? Come over here.

Let's take a look. We have got...

One! CHEERING

We've got...two! CHEERING

We've got three!

I'm not going to throw this one - it's heavy and might hurt someone.

We've got four! CHEERING

That's four snakes which means you've won

four prizes from the Wind-Up Prize Stash. Not bad at all.

OK, but Ben, we are now going to wind things up a notch.

How do you fancy getting your hands on this?

That's right. It's a brand new laptop.

-You don't get the chimp!

-No, you don't get the chimp.

That's not all. As well as getting your hands on today's star prize,

we are also going to let you get revenge on your parents

because basically they were the ones who stitched you up

-by letting us borrow your bedroom.

-Borrow(!)

-We've got a pet snake as well. His name's Tiny and he's so cute.

-Yes!

-He's waiting backstage actually.

-You hold him, then!

Well, this is the thing. All you need to do is nominate either your mum

or your dad to come down here and hold him.

If they can do it for ten seconds you will win today's star prize. Simple.

-OK.

-Actually... Sorry. Sam, there's been a slight change of plan.

-Has there?

-Anybody tell you?

No, nobody's told me.

Come here, mate.

My chubby cheeked friend. You stay there, Ben.

What we needed was someone who didn't like snakes,

who didn't understand what beautiful creatures they are.

-I think you know where this is going, don't you?

-Mm.

To win, Ben, our star prize, we want you to hold Tiny for ten seconds.

-Yeah?

-Right.

-Will you do it?

-Yeah. CHEERING

Right, so... Ben just said, "You WILL do it".

All right. I think it's time to meet Tiny.

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

LAUGHTER

-Wow!

-Er... I'm not going to lie to you, Sam.

I didn't realise he was that big.

-How are you feeling about this?

-Great(!)

-Come over here.

Ben, any advice for Sam when handling snakes?

-Keep calm.

-Keep calm, yeah.

-Ignore it.

Ignore it(?) Oh, it's making noises and everything!

-All right. Are you going to put this over your shoulder?

-Yeah, all right.

It's going to ruin my suit!

No, listen, stick it over his shoulder.

-All right.

-Come on!

-SAM SQUEALS

-All right. All right!

-SAM SHRIEKS

It's a Burmese Python, four metres long. It weighs two stone.

-Start the clock!

-Start the clock!

Eats rats, pigs and TV presenters.

-Come on, Sam.

-AUDIENCE COUNTS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good, good.

-Oh!

-Well done, Ben! You've won the Star Prize!

I've got to say, that is one beautiful looking snake.

You can go away now!

Well done, Sam. Congratulations, Ben, you've been awesome.

Please give it up for Ben, Ben's bedroom and Tiny the snake!

-OK.

-OK. That is not all, Ben.

We haven't finished with you and your family just yet because you could...

That's still hissing!

You could be taking home the greatest prize in television history.

-One of us!

-You'll go head to head with star of Aunt On A Wheel, Nina.

That's right. It's Win The Presenter.

It's never been done before, has it? Winning the presenter. It's insane.

-We were going to give away a dream holiday.

-Yeah.

-A brand new house.

-Yeah.

-A sports car.

-Yeah.

-We thought we'd do it differently.

-Plus we've run out of money.

-Yeah.

Yeah, winning a presenter's never been done before but they used

to think the earth was flat and the moon was made of cheese.

-What does that mean?

-I've no idea.

Are we crazy? Probably, but hey, that's how we roll.

Work hard, play hard, live for today.

-Yeah we're pretty rock'n'roll.

-Are you out tonight?

-I can't, I'm cooking a lasagne.

-Fair enough.

'Welcome to Win The Presenter!

'And let's say hello to our two families.

'We've got the Wilson Family and the Carberry Family.

'Let's find out which presenter they're playing for today.

'He's the man with the best teeth in showbusiness.

'It's Mark!'

'Teams, it's time to meet your host. It's Mr Sam Nixon.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, welcome to the most exciting part of the show where our two

families go head to head to win Mark.

One of these two lucky families will get to take Mark home

and do anything they want with him and I'll give you a little tip.

Like Mr Muscle, he loves the jobs you hate! Isn't that right, Mark?

-Shut up, Sam!

-It's payback time. Get that snake off of me!

Let's meet the families who could be winning you.

Nina, would you like to introduce the rest of your team?

This is my niece Sian,

her twin sister Lorelle, and my older sister Tasha.

OK, it's lovely to have you. Give it up for the Wilson family.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wilsons, to get your hands on Mark, you have to beat the Carberrys.

Ben, introduce the rest of your family.

This is my dad John, my sister Molly and my mum Sharon.

Give it up for the Carberrys!

If you want some inspiration about what to do with this special prize,

just take a look at what our last winning family got up to

when they won the presenter.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-We've got loads of things for you to do today. Come in.

-OK.

Ah! I knead it.

Oh, no, what a nightmare!

-Cheers, Gran.

-CHEERING

I hope you like it crispy.

Ah, chapatis done. I think I've done a good job.

-Can I have one.

-FAMILY: No!

-Right.

Missed a spot.

Thank you.

Thanks.

-Yes. Guys did I do a good job?

-FAMILY: Yeah.

-Fantastic.

Wilson and the Carberry family,

I hope that's given you some thoughts about what you can do

if you win the presenter. Back to Sam in the studio.

So, Wilson family, have you got any yucky jobs around the house

that you would get Mark to do?

-I've got four cats.

-Ooh.

So there's a few bits of poopy scoop in the garden.

Yeah, big time. Big time.

There's a ten foot paddling pool that wasn't cleaned from last year.

-Oh, really?

-Brilliant.

-That's a good one. That'll do.

Carberrys, What would you get Mark to do?

I was going to get you to clean the snakes out, but that's backfired.

Sorry, not me! You could Mark to do that, though.

-I might get him to wash the dog.

-Wash the dog!

Clean the snakes and wash the dog!

OK. All right. Let's not waste any more time.

Mark, you go and get yourself ready because it's time for round one,

Presenter Under Pressure.

Viewers, you are in for a right treat, because Mark has got

a special pair of pants on. They are the Underpants Of Chaos!

THUNDER CRASHES

Very shortly, I will be asking Mark a number of questions

about one of his favourite subjects, WWE.

But every time he answers a question incorrectly or takes too long,

we will send a shock right through those pants. How are we doing that?

We've made a sneaky gizmo and shoved it down the back of those Y fronts.

Let's see if it's working.

It's working! ARGH!

I think that's working. Audience, are we happy that it's working?

AUDIENCE: Yes! You're meant to say no.

Are you happy that it's working? AUDIENCE: No.

-Let's try it again.

-ARGH!

Excellent teamwork.

Families, all you have to do is guess how many questions out of ten

you think Mark will correctly be able to answer.

We have three seconds to answer each question.

Remember, he's under extreme pressure

so those questions might become a bit trickier.

Families, write down your answers now.

So, Mark, WWE wrestling, you watch it quite a lot, don't you?

Yes, I'm nearly 30. I should get a proper job.

-You do actually love it, though!

-I love it.

-I remember coming round to your house and you made us watch it.

-Yes.

It's like an aggressive soap opera.

It is! OK, families, have you written down your answers? Excellent.

I think it's time for a bit of tense music and dramatic lighting.

SHORT BURST OF MUSIC

OK, Mark, stand by, because ten questions,

that I've no idea what I'm saying, is coming up right now.

Question one, what does WWE stand for?

World Wrestling Entertainment.

Correct. In what year was the Intercontinental title introduced?

-1972.

-Ooh, incorrect.

-ARGH!

-You were very close. It was 1979. Question three.

What is Hulk Hogan's real name?

-Terry Hogan.

-Oh, incorrect.

-ARGH!

-It's Terry Gene Bollea.

-Of course it is.

Question four, what do the Hs stand for in HHH's name?

-Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

-Correct.

It's pretty sad you know that. Question five.

-Pretty sad!

-Which WWE wrestler made a video appearance on TMi Friday?

-Kofi Kingston?

-Correct, well done.

Which wrestler is also known as Brahma Bull?

-The Rock.

-Correct! What colour is Goldust's costume?

-Gold...and black.

-Incorrect, sorry.

-Agh, no!

Oh, sorry, apparently, you did get that right, Mark.

I'm sorry that we buzzed you! LAUGHTER

Black and gold, we'll give you that.

-Ow!

-Who was the first female wrestler

to ever enter the Royal Rumble?

-Chyna?!

-Correct! Wow! You really are a sad little man.

-I really am!

-What was Bret "Hitman" Hart's signature move called?

-Sharpshooter.

-Incorrect.

-What?!

-That's right!

-Mark says it's right. Apparently, it was the Heart Attack.

-No!

-SAM LAUGHS

Well, it was a tandem clothesline, that sounds mightily vicious.

-OK, final question.

-Oh...

-What is Rey Mysterio's weight in pounds?

179?

-Whoa! Incorrect!

-Agh!

175! Wow! Give him a round of applause, that's pretty impressive.

CHEERING

-That was, that was actually...

-I'm not wanting any more.

That was very impressive, Mark, that is your 10 questions

and I can tell you that you got six right.

The one remaining question is how did our families do?

-Wilsons, how many did you think Mark would get right?

-Four.

Four? OK, interesting.

-The Carberrys?

-Four.

-Interesting!

OK, well, you were both two off, so we'll give you both a point each.

CHEERING

OK, our next round is a game more high risk than Total Wipeout,

more stupid than Hole In The Wall and more pointless than Pointless -

it's Chimp In A Chair.

CHEERING

As you can see, there is a chimp rotating

rather rapidly in our Wind-Up chair.

Now, that dizzy fella is Mark's pet chimp.

As you can tell by the look on his face, Chimpy really needs the loo.

So, once the chair stops spinning, our dizzy chimp will have 20 seconds

to grab as many of these loo rolls as possible.

Hey, when a chimp's got to go, a chimp's got to go,

but the question is, how many will our chimp be able to grab?

Families, you now have five seconds to write down your answer.

-THEY CONFER

-No!

-Don't forget,

he'll be pretty disorientated when he gets off that chair. OK!

Time's up, families, in three, two, one. Stop the chimp. Here we go.

Go, Chimpy, go! This way, this way, the toilet rolls are that way.

Go, go, go!

Get on your feet, chimp. LAUGHTER

Pick 'em up, pass 'em to me if you need to!

All right!

Right. What are you doing, man?! You need to give them to me.

Here we go, give me one. I'll count that one. OK, that's another one.

KLAXON BLARES OK, time's up, time's up.

-CHILD:

-Three?!

-Go on, we'll count that last one.

OK, so, chimp, you managed to get

one, two, three, four...

CHEERING ..toilet rolls.

OK, you can have that for free. LAUGHTER

OK, Wilson family, how many did you think Chimpy would get?

-We thought 10.

-Aw, you thought he really did need the toilet.

OK, Carberrys, how many did you think?

-12.

-12?!

OK, so, I've got to say, the Wilsons, you were closer,

-which means you get the points.

-Yeah!

CHEERING

OK, so, that means the scores are 2-1 to the Wilsons.

Let's go to our third round. It's time to ask The Big Question.

CHEERING

Now, the Carberry family, you need to win this round to stay in the game.

Time to ask today's Big Question.

Now, lucky old Mark gets to mingle with celebrities

from time to time and, one time, he was hanging out with ex S Club 7

and Strictly Come Dancing star Rachel Stevens.

AUDIENCE: Woo! Now, he gave her his phone number

and asked her to call him sometime.

Yep, he is definitely a confident fellow.

The big question is, what percentage of the Wind-Up studio audience

thought Rachel Stevens actually gave Mark a call?

Now, before you write down your answers, family,

let's take a quick look at a picture of Rachel Stevens. There she is.

Wow! Smoking hot!

Now let's take a look Prince Charming himself, Mark Rhodes.

Wow! SLOW TROMBONE PLAYS

SAM LAUGHS LOUDLY, AUDIENCE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

-OK, now, families...

-What are you doing to me?

..write down your answers now.

Can I just hear that little bit of music for Mark again?

SLOW TROMBONE PLAYS AGAIN

SAM LAUGHS

Guys, your time is up. Have you written down a percentage?

-Yes.

-The Wilsons have? The Carberrys have?

-Yes.

-OK, the Wilsons, reveal your answer.

-35%.

-35%? OK. The Carberrys? Reveal your answer.

-60%.

-60%.

-Very kind of you.

-A compliment. LAUGHTER

OK, so let's see who is the nearest.

The actual percentage of studio audience who thought that Rachel

would actually call Mark is...

-51%, which means the Carberrys get the point, congratulations.

-Woo!

CHEERING

That makes the scores 2-2 and we should clear things up.

We're not actually quite certain if Rachel did call Mark.

-Can you clarify if she did?

-I don't think we need to go into that.

LAUGHTER

No, I think everybody wants to know. AUDIENCE: Yes!

-I think she was a little bit busy.

-Really?

-She didn't, in the end, but...

-AUDIENCE: Aw!

-No text or e-mail or anything?

-Her loss. Seen that picture?

LAUGHTER

Brilliant, OK. TROMBONE PLAYS AGAIN

SAM LAUGHS LOUDLY

OK, so it's all square, the scores are 2-2,

which means we have a tie-break situation on our hands.

It's time for The Telepathic Tie-break.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

CHEERING

CHEERING CONTINUES

OK, families, to win Mark,

you are going to have to do something very dangerous - read Mark's mind.

Mark, come join me over here.

Mark Rhodes, everybody. Mark Rhodes.

CHEERING

OK, now, I'm going to ask Mark a tie-break question

that he absolutely 100% knows the answer to and you

have to guess what that answer is. Now,

you need to make a telepathic connection with Mark,

-right, just get into his very tiny brain.

-All right!

-OK, now,

the family closest to the answer will win the presenter.

Here comes the question. If you add together

all the digits that make up Mark's mobile phone number,

what number do you get? Families, write down your answer now.

Mark, get the number in your head,

-send it to them!

-Agh!

-Send it to the families, Mark.

-Agh!

FAMILIES CONFER

-What do you think?

-I don't know.

-At least in the 400s, I think.

OK, I'm going to have to get you to write down your answer, please.

-Mark, send it to 'em, send it, I think they need it, man!

-Agh! Agh!

-OK, have you written down your answers?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-OK.

Thank you very much. Mark, please tell us the actual answer.

-The answer is, Sam, 55.

-55, OK, OK.

-Well over.

-Well over, yeah.

-The Wilsons, please reveal your answer.

-205.

-LAUGHTER

It's a long, long telephone number that.

That's a big phone number right there.

OK, the Carberrys, please reveal your answer.

-72.

-72, which means that Carberrys are closest,

which means you win the presenter!

CHEERING Come on out there, Mark.

Aw, commiserations, commiserations to the Wilson family.

I've got to say, you have been absolutely amazing.

Nina, you were the best person we have ever put on that wheel!

You won a couple of prizes, have you had a good day?

-Yes, I had a fantastic day.

-Thank you, you've been awesome.

Please, put your hands together for the Wilson family!

CHEERING

OK... The Carberrys, you have won Mark.

-Will you get him to do the jobs you said you would?

-I will do, yeah.

-I'd be pretty scared if I were you.

-I am.

-Get yourselves in position!

CHEERING

All that's left for me to say is, guys, do with Mark what you wish,

-just make sure he's back for the next show. See you later, guys.

-Bye!

Bye! SAM LAUGHS

CHEERING Wow!

He is genuinely scared. I'm scared for him.

Right now, though, ladies and gentlemen, get on your feet,

let's end this show with a bang.

Kicking and Screaming, this is Oh, My!

CHEERING

Big Friday Wind-Up, are you ready to talk with us after three?!

One, two, three, jump!

ALL: Jump, jump, jump, jump!

Oh, my! Let's go!

# You've blagged your way to me But where's your backstage pass?

# You don't know what you're doing Going way too fast

# I might call your mama Ask her where's your class?

# Keeping up with me You didn't stand a chance

# Been there, done that Got the T-shirt

# 12 rounds and we've still got stamina!

# Been there, done that Ripped my T-shirt

# Shot it all on the brand-new camera

# Been there, done that Lost my T-shirt

# Turned nasty, Tommy and Pamela!

-# You didn't read the label!

-Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

# They come for me and I'll be kicking and screaming

# Cos the last thing on my mind is I'm leaving

# Right now, my head feels like I'm sat on the ceiling

# And we'll be kicking and screaming I mean it, I mean it, I mean it!

# I mean it, I mean it, I mean it!

# I mean it, I mean it!

# I'm known around these parts for going way too far

# I'm kind of like the scratch upon your brand-new car

# Enjoy a night with me You'll have a fair few scars

# I think it's time you said a few hallelujahs

# Been there, done that Got the T-shirt

# 12 rounds and we've still got stamina!

# Been there, done that Ripped my T-shirt

# Shot it all on the brand-new camera

# Been there, done that Lost my T-shirt

# Turned nasty, Tommy and Pamela!

-# You didn't read the label!

-Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

# They come for me and I'll be kicking and screaming

# Cos the last thing on my mind is I'm leaving

# Right now, my head feels like I'm sat on the ceiling

# And we'll be kicking and screaming I mean it, I mean it, I mean it!

# We'll never throw in the towel You'll never take us alive

# Take a look at me now I bet your mother would cry

# We'll never throw in the towel You'll never take us alive

# Take a look at me now I bet your mother would cry

# Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry!

# I bet your mother would cry Cry, cry, cry!

# Cry, cry... # Whoa!

# They come for me and I'll be kicking and screaming

# Cos the last thing on my mind is I'm leaving

# Right now, my head feels like I'm sat on the ceiling

# And we'll be kicking and screaming I mean it, I mean it, I mean it!

-# I mean it!

-I mean it, I mean it, I mean it

-# I mean it!

-I mean it, I mean it, I mean it!

-# We mean it!

-I mean it, I mean it!

# Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my! #

MUSIC STOPS, AUDIENCE CHEERS