Episode 2 Sam & Mark's Big Friday Wind Up

'This lot are really excited.

'Why? Because they are the Big Wind-Up audience!

'Look at them, they've been queuing for hours.

'Who can blame them? Hey! McElderry! Welcome to the party!

'And what a party this is going to be. Run those titles!'

# Wind me up put me down

# Start me up and watch me go

# It's easy once you know how it's done

# You can't stop now it's already begun. #

Ladies and gentlemen, he's Barnsley's finest export

and he's Wolverhampton's... Well, he's from Wolverhampton!

It's Sam and Mark!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Come with me!

Wave, wave, wave, wave, wave, wave!

Waving, waving, waving!

All right! It's going to be a good show!

Yeah! Come on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to the weekend!

-We are about to wind you up and whip you into a frenzy.

-Whoopah!

-Whoopah!

I'll tell you what,

I'm worried there's too much good stuff crammed into today's show.

-I really am. I really am.

-I know where he's coming from.

For example, one family is in for a right surprise

when they discover we've put their entire contents of their house

up for sale.

-What? That's crazy speak!

-It is! It is!

You might also want to keep watching because later on in the show,

two lucky families are going to be going head-to-head,

trying to win what is now officially known as the greatest prize ever.

Yeah. We are not giving away a million,

we are not giving away a grand,

we are not even giving away ten bob.

What we are giving away is worth so much more. Maybe. It's one of us!

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Oh, yes!

One lucky family could be leaving today with either me or Mark

and once that family's got their hands on us,

there ain't no telling what they might do.

That's right. We also like celebrity action on Big Friday Wind-Up.

Today we are joined by somebody who is a pop star, an opera star

and quite possibly the nicest man in the world of entertainment.

It's Joe McElderry, everyone!

CHEERING

-What a guy! What a guy!

-Lovely guy.

We will be catching up with Joe later in the show

and if that wasn't enough, we've also got music from Six-D!

CHEERING

Right now I recon it's time for less talk and more action.

Remember this is the show with a surprise around every corner.

No-one is safe, especially if you're an embarrassing mum or dad.

-Yes! Oh!

-Don't edit that.

Oh! Embarrassing, embarrassing! This run's pretty embarrassing.

But not as embarrassing as some of you guys.

Look at you! Your head's in a vice.

It's like, "Stay straight, stay straight, so he doesn't look at me."

That hasn't really helped you has it, Nicole?

-Hello! How're you doing, darling?

-I'm fine.

-Yeah? Ha!

-You embarrass your lovely son Tyrell, is that not true?

-Yeah.

-How does she embarrass you?

-Well, her feet stink.

LAUGHTER

And you still, you're, like, holding you're son's hand, aren't you?

You know. And doing mumsy stuff like what's that spit

and polish you do that you do with your hair?

Come on! Look at him! He's bigger than me! Come on!

Hey, a mum's a mum.

You've got to love her, don't you?

-Well... Ah!

-He does, he love's you.

-He's still my baby!

-Still a baby!

Ah! Give us a love as well! Give us a love as well!

That was pretty embarrassing. Sam, over to you, my friend.

Cheers, Mark.

I reckon there's a few people in this audience here tonight

who have embarrassing dads.

-I reckon that your dad is embarrassing, Sam.

-Yes!

First of all, nice name.

Touch me right there. You know what I'm saying, yeah.

We have heard that your dad likes to do a bit of singing. Is this true?

-Yeah.

-What does he sing?

-He sings the Welsh National Anthem.

The Welsh National Anthem? Really?!

How does that make you feel, when he does that?

-Er, embarrassed.

-Does he do it in front of your friends and stuff?

-Yeah.

-That must be really embarrassing. Where is your dad today?

-Er, I don't know.

-You don't know? Oh, really?

I do know where your dad is.

Your dad is right here in the Wind-Up studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Sam's dad!

APPLAUSE

HE SING WELSH NATIONAL ANTHEM IN WELSH

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Nice work, Dad!

Sam, is that the type of thing that embarrasses you?

-Yes.

-Pretty embarrassing. I loved that. That was great.

-Did you enjoy it?

-Goosepimples.

-I think we all got goosepimples!

Sam, don't worry.

We are going to give your dad the chance to redeem himself

for humiliating you so much in front of the entire world.

Do you know what I'm saying? Dad, you need to get yourself ready.

Off you go. Sam, you come with me, mate.

It's time to play Dad On A Wheel! Come on!

Sam, mate. Are you ready to see your dad as you've never seen him before?

Studio audience, are you ready to see Sam's dad as you've never seen him before?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

In that case, everybody in the Wind-Up audience,

please give it up for Dad On A Wheel!

Oh, yeah! Looking good, Dad. How are you feeling?

-Scared!

-Don't be scared, it'll be fine.

Here's the deal.

We have a dad on a wheel and the wheel is split into six sections.

-Sam, take over, will you?

-I will, Mark. I will.

As you can see, there are three gold sections.

If Dad lands on Dad, he will win himself a prize.

That would be nice, wouldn't it, Dad? He's happy about that.

If Dad lands on Audience, he will win a prize

-for our entire studio audience!

-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Thought you might like that.

But better, better still, if Dad lands on Star, Sam here wins a prize.

High five.

-That was the worst high five ever!

-Let's do it again! Yes.

Hold on, we can't high five just yet. We couldn't then, actually.

Only if he answers a question correctly will he win the star prize.

What we are trying to get across to you is that gold is good.

Red, however, is bad!

If Dad lands on red, he will come face-to-face with the Foaminator!

Ladies and gentlemen, this week's Foaminator is Joe McElderry!

-Come over here, Joe. Come stand by me, Joe.

-This is heavy!

It is a bit heavy! Joe, you are the nicest man on TV. That is a fact.

But none of that any more. You need to get mean. You know what happens.

If Dad lands on red,

you need to release a furious amount of foam right in his face.

Think of it this way,

from pop star to opera star to foam-in-the-face star.

-You know what I'm saying, Joe. Get mean.

-Let's go for it! Let's do it!

In that case, here we go. Loads of prizes, no big deal.

Come on, Sam, wind up that wheel!

Here we go!

Where's it going to land?

Would you believe it? It's landed on foam. Joe, get yourself in position.

-We're going to get your dad back.

-OK.

Don't be shy. Right in the face. I'm going to stand behind here.

After three. One, two, three. Go!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

More, Joe! More!

-He is nice, isn't he? He's lovely.

-Come over here, Joe.

-Are you feeling OK, Dad?

-Yup.

-Yup!

OK, it's time for the second spin. Here we go.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

He's landed on Audience

which means that you have just won a prize

for the entire studio audience. Let's see what it is.

It's a cupcake for every single member!

APPLAUSE

Lovely stuff. OK.

-Dad, we've got one final spin. Are you ready?

-I am.

-Excellent. Here we go.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

LAUGHTER

Dad, you got too excited and you made it spin again.

The wheel's got a life of its own. You've landed on red once again.

Joe, you know what to do. Three, two, one. Go!

Go on, Joe. Go on, Joe. Got him!

Whoo! Let's put you right back round.

-Deary me!

-You're dripping on the carpet, Sam!

LAUGHTER

That means at the end of Dad On A Wheel,

you won a prize for our entire studio audience

and you got foamed twice. Not bad at all.

A big thank you to our Dad On A Wheel and our Foaminator.

-Give it up for Joe McElderry. Yes!

-Whoo!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come here, Sam. Come here. That is not all.

You and your family have also won the right to play for another special prize.

Check this. It's the ultimate money-can't-buy prize.

We are inviting you to Win The Presenter later in the show!

LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING

-I couldn't tell whether he was excited.

-He's in shock.

He's saving it, you know what I mean?

We now know that Sam and his family will be taking part in Win The Presenter later in the show.

Who will they be playing against?

It could be anyone in this audience here tonight.

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Any single one of you! Stay watching to find out.

Here's what else is coming up on this crazy show.

You won't believe the lengths Sam and Mark go to

when they pull off the ultimate hidden camera prank.

The finger of fun is on the loose again, which means one family

in the Wind-Up audience will be getting the surprise of their lives.

And how can a pair of red underpants make you react like this?

Why don't you stay tuned to find out.

Loving it. All that stuff still to come on today's show.

-Can't say any fairer than that, can we?

-We can't.

Everybody, give a massive round of applause

to today's special guest, Joe McElderry!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come here, you. Come here, you!

GIGGLING

-How are you?

-Very well.

-Good thanks, mate.

-How the devil are you?

-I'm very well.

Since we last met,

not only have you gone on to win another talent show, you great big winner, you...

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Congratulations on the conversion from pop star to opera star.

Is there any thing you can't do, Joe?

I didn't realise how hard it was going to be

until I got to the first rehearsal.

I was thinking, "I'm just going to pretend. Make a loud noise and..."

You know, when I realised I had to change the breathing and everything, I was like, "oh".

-What kind of loud noise?

-You know, pretend to be an opera singer.

-People put on that kind of fake.

-# Aaah. #

Well, not that bad.

We wouldn't have got very far. Listen, Joe.

We could chat to you all day,

but we like to do things a little differently around here.

Instead of us interviewing you,

we are going to give that job to our lovely studio audience.

Don't worry, they're not as scary as they look.

-Are you up for the challenge, Joe?

-I'm up for it.

-Excellent.

-Off you go, then.

-Who's got a question for Joe?

Put your hands up.

-Come on, Sam.

-We've got some questions over here.

-Quick, Sam!

-Waiting, waiting, waiting. OK. Stand up, mate. What's your name?

-Oliver.

Oliver, what's your question?

How well do you know Cheryl Cole and do you have her number?

All right, player!

Yep, I know her very well and I do have her number.

But it's saved under a different name,

for the very reason that people like you

would probably try and get it off me phone.

-To be fair, you can't blame him for trying.

-Exactly.

We'll try and get it for you after the show.

Who else has got a question? Down here, here we go.

Excuse me, coming through.

-Stand up, mate. What's your name?

-Graham.

Nice to meet you, what's your question?

If you competed in the London Olympics,

-what event would you do and why?

-Cracking question.

That's a great question.

I used to be on the swimming team at school

and I was quite good, so probably swimming.

-Or diving. I like diving. Maybe diving.

-Diving?!

Oh, you'll be up against Tom Daley, though.

OK, maybe swimming.

LAUGHTER

OK, thank you very much. Who else has got a question?

OK, we're going up here. Lovely lady here. Stand up, what's your name?

-Angela.

-Angela, lovely to meet you. What's your question for Joe?

Actually, can I ask you a question? Course you can.

Why isn't it "Mark And Sam"? I think that sounds better.

MARK CACKLES

It's a fair question, but you're wrong. Sit down.

-LAUGHTER

-Who's next, who's next?

OK, here we go, over here.

-What's your name?

-Ellie.

-Ellie, what's your question?

Do you ever Google yourself?

Erm, no. I try not to. I mean, it's quite hard,

because you could whack your name in

and see what people are writing about you.

But I try to keep separate, away from that,

because some people write horrible things

and some people write nice things and it gets messy. I try not to.

-Interesting. Ask Mark if he Googles himself?

-Do you Google yourself?

Every day.

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much.

OK, who's next, who's next? OK, the next row, here we go.

Down here, down here.

OK... Oh, here they go. Stand up, stand up. What's your name?

-Josie.

-What's your question for Joe?

Have you ever met anyone you've always wanted to meet

since winning the X Factor?

-I haven't met her properly, but she said hello?

-Who?

-And I was very starstruck. It was Beyonce.

-Huh!

-Wow!

I bumped into her at a festival

-and I turned into a bit of a fanatical fan.

-Good effort, Sam.

Joe, thanks for letting our audience interview you.

Thank you for your questions.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the brilliant Joe McElderry.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

If you guys are into music, then you are in luck,

because later on in the show, Six D will be performing.

But now, it's time to turn the spotlight

onto another member of the studio audience.

Here on Wind-Up, we are partial to a bit of birthday fun.

Hey, who doesn't like a birthday?

It's a whole day where you are the star of the show.

And we want to celebrate that. Only thing is, we ain't got a whole day!

But don't worry. We've come up with a solution,

because we are about to give someone in the audience today

-the world's quickest birthday party.

-Indeed.

And that person...

is you, Elliott!

CHEERING

Cue the celebrations!

PARTY MUSIC PLAYS

There you go, Elliott, there you go.

We've got some presents here.

We've got you a cake.

-Look at that.

-Party hat on!

Elliott, we know that it's your birthday this week,

so happy birthday, Elliott!

CHEERING

Happy birthday to Elliott, and we've still got all this to come...

Sam and Mark go head-to-head

in the greatest hidden camera game ever - In Yer Face!

And the question is, what on earth is going on here?

Brilliant. That's really good, really good.

-So are you having any problem at all with any vision?

-No.

Do you have any troubles recognising people?

You look a lot like Sam from Sam And Mark.

-Sorry, who?

-Sam.

-Who's Sam And Mark?

-TMi.

-TMi? What's that?

Come on!

It's a TV show I went on.

-Oh, you've been on TV?

-Yes.

-Oh, wow!

In Yer Face! Coming up soon.

But now, back to the studio!

Still to come, two families will be going head-to-head

in order to walk away with one of us, as we play Win The Presenter.

We've already met our first family, the Tilleys.

In case you missed it, we strapped embarrassing Dad Simon

onto a wheel and gave him a right old spin.

Yeah, he didn't do too bad actually. Simon ended up winning...

He got a prize for the entire audience.

-Yeah, nice cupcake.

-CHEERING

And he got a good-old foaming from Joe McElderry,

also known as The Foaminator.

-Are you feeling all right, Dad?

-I'm a bit wet...

You did a cracking job, mate, you really did.

Right now, though,

it's time to randomly select our second studio victim.

So, let's introduce to you a friend of ours - bring on the Finger!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Ooh!

-Someone's had a manicure!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Finger Of Fun.

Now, Finger, we need you to select a mum.

A mum who loves having some fun. So, Finger Of Fun, find us a mum!

Who could it be?!

CHEERING

Oh, who could it be?

It's not going to be you, mate, it's not going to be you.

It could be you, it could be you. Aaaah...

Oh, he's gone past you, sorry!

Oh, what about you, Smiley Face?

Oh, he's in a good mood, the Finger, he's had a manicure.

Who's he going to pick?

Oooooh!

CHEERING

The Finger has spoken. What is your name?

-Hayley.

-BOTH: Hayley!

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

What.. Hold on, the Finger's not finished yet!

Yeah, it seems to have chosen you guys as well. What are your names?

-Jay and Chloe.

-Jay and Chloe.

All right, OK. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

The three of you need to get yourselves down here,

because it's time to have some fun.

It's time for The Prize Surprise! Come on down!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Jay and Chloe, nice to me. Are you having a good time on the show?

-Yes, having fun.

-Good.

Excellent. Have you any idea why the finger has chosen you guys?

No idea!

Let me shed some light on the subject.

We have been speaking to your husband/dad Martin

and he reckons Hayley, you have too much stuff!

-Jay and Chloe, are these accusations true?

-Yes, very much.

Not expensive stuff.

Loads of £5 stuff!

What kind of stuff does she have?

-Give us an example.

-Make-up, handbags, shoes.

Do you really think your mum needs all this stuff?

Not really.

We don't think that.

That's why last week, when you were out Hayley,

we popped to your house and we borrowed some of your stuff.

And then, what you do is, we put it on sale on QVC.

-We would like you to watch this VT.

-Videotape.

And try to memorise as many of the items as possible.

For every item you remember, you will win a prize for your family

from the Wind-Up prize stash. How does that sound?

Great.

In that case, keep your eyes peeled, run VT.

Hi, I'm Simon and you're watching a special QVC presentation.

Today, we are selling off Hayley's things.

A picture Hayley bought on her honeymoon.

A 6-foot Father Christmas.

A dog that never goes pooh-pooh, Hayley's china dog.

Hayley's favourite film.

It's a good one.

Have you ever wished you had something for your bits?

You have. Hayley's handbag!

Next up, Hayley's hippy fancy dress costume. Yeah, baby!

This is a page-turner. Hayley's favourite book.

If you like china and teddies, this is for you.

Hayley's china teddy collection.

Off to a posh party?

This is what you need. Hayley's necklace.

A craft party wouldn't be a craft party without Hayley's

favourite craft machine.

# Robbie Williams. #

Hayley's favourite CD.

Hayley's dressing gown.

Aw, isn't it cute? Hayley's old teddy bear.

That is a lot of stuff!

Get it in your head. 30 seconds on the clock,

How many items of your stuff can you recall? Time starts now.

My handbag, picture from my honeymoon,

Father Christmas, my teddy collection.

Necklace. Ghost. Warhorse.

Ghost. I said that. Robbie Williams.

What else?

My outfit I wore to a fancy dress that I'll never go again.

-Have you said the dressing-gown?

-Dressing gown.

-Come on, come on!

China teddies!

Time's up, very good guys.

-You did well.

-Not bad at all.

Out of the 13 items, you recalled 11.

It was only the china dog and the craft set that you didn't say.

You get 11 prizes from the price stash!

APPLAUSE

Thanks again to Martin for helping us stitch you up.

He has done a good job. We've been planning that for weeks.

Anything to say to him?

I will say it later!

You're in so much trouble, mate.

We got your step back from QVC,

the problem was Santa has done a runner.

The good news is, he's been spotted near the Wind-Up studio.

Hayley, if you can find him in 45 seconds,

you will win a star prize for Jay and Chloe.

-Are you up for the challenge?

-Yes!

Wait, how will she find Santy?

Simple, follow the presents!

Go, go! Go, go!

Come on! Go, go! Come back!

This way, this trial. Go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go on, Hayley!

Come on!

Go on, Hayley!

Yes, go Hayley!

-Well done.

-Do I have to take it back?

-Congratulations, Hayley.

You found Santa in time, which means you win a star prize each

for Jay and Chloe, which are hanging on the Christmas trees.

You both have got two MP3 players - one each!

-Nice!

-How cool is that?

Awesome! And not only have you won a wonderful selection of prizes,

you have also won the chance to come back and play Win The Presenter,

which means you could be leaving the studio

with all those prizes AND one of us!

Yeah, you love that? I was going to ask them if they're up for it.

They are! Well, that's just around the corner but right now,

ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Jay, Chloe, Hayley

and, of course, Santy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hey! Giving away presenters, flogging people's possessions,

giant Santas going missing -

it's just some of the kind of crazy stuff that goes on here in Wind-Up.

Deal with it.

Run, network!

'Here's a taste of some of the hidden-camera pranks

-'coming your way soon.'

-All right! Whoo!

Bleurgh!

How you doing? What can I get you?

Stop. Stop!

MAN YELLS

Oh, my goodness!

THEY CHUCKLE

-DEEP VOICE:

-CBBC.

Is the challenge for me?

Ha-ha!

-Good one, yeah?

-What a weirdo!

It's time for the part of the show

where we introduce to you a couple of friends of ours.

Please, everybody, give a big, massive Wind-Up welcome

to Emily and Fiona!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-High five. High five!

-Yes! High fives! High fives!

-Nice. How you doing, girls?

-Good.

-Really well.

Really well? That's good to know.

Well, you might recognise these girls, because they appeared

on another of our hit TV shows, TMi Friday, thank you very much.

Hey, let's remind ourselves of the good times.

'Now, there's Fiona, there's Emily, there's Hacker. Oh, and there's Iain.

-'And then we played the Ooh Game.'

-Ooh!

-Emily, what are we about to play?

-Ooh!

-'What was that about, then?

'Can't remember. And then we had a bit of a song and a dance.

'Happy days!

'I think it's fair to say a good time was had by all.'

So, the fact that we've got a bit of history made these guys

perfect candidates for the game that is now sweeping the nation -

a little something that we like to call In Yer Face.

Let me explain. For this game to work, we needed two people

who would definitely recognise us if we bumped into them in the street.

We also needed two people who we knew a thing or two about

cos, girls, not only do we know where you live,

but we know what you like to do in your spare time

-and - more importantly - where you like doing it.

-So guess what we did.

-Tell 'em.

-We went to those places, rigged 'em with hidden cameras

so we could film these guys all day without them realising. Ha!

But the big question was, could we infiltrate their lives

-without being recognised? Let's find out. Say the magic words.

-Run VT.

-Ah! Another blissfully beautiful day in Bradford.

-But then we showed up!

We are here to play a little game that we call In Yer Face.

We call it that as we are about to get right in the face of these two.

-I'm taking Emily.

-And I'm taking Fiona.

The aim of the game is not to get recognised.

We've got loads of disguises to help us out.

And whoever gets away with it the longest is the winner.

But if they uncover our true identity and make a positive ID in OUR faces,

then it's game over.

So, let's kick this off with round one...

Will Sam and Mark be able to pass themselves off as delivery men?

Up first...Mark.

All right, Brad? You look like a Brad.

You're going to knock on Emily's door.

-Yeah.

-..deliver the flowers to Emily, and tell her

-they're from a secret admirer.

-From an admirer?

From a secret admirer, and don't forget - if she recognises you

-at the first hurdle, it's game over.

-OK.

-Go. Good luck.

-Nervous!

Don't mess it up.

Give it a good knock.

Don't make me laugh.

COCKNEY ACCENT: All right. You got Emily here, please?

-Emily? Yeah.

-Emily, please, cheers. Just a delivery.

All right, love?

I just need a signature, please.

She's got no idea.

Lovely flowers. Wonder who they could be from.

-All right? Got that? That's lovely.

-No idea!

Have a lovely day. All right, take care. Bye!

HE GIGGLES

We need to go, quick!

Mark takes an early lead. Over to you, you funny, little, hairy man.

You look like a Bee Gee.

# Night fever, night fever. #

Bit weird. OK, well, best of luck. You'll probably need it, mate.

-MIDLANDS ACCENT:

-Hello, I'm looking for Fiona.

-Me.

-Oh, hello, Fiona.

I've got some flowers for you.

Er, if you'd just like to sign and print your name there, please.

Your accent is not great.

Just put your name. It's just cos I'm delivering the flowers,

I need a signature just to show my boss, basically, so there you go.

Thanks a lot.

Cheers, darling. Thank you very much. Bye.

-Ho-ho! That was a bit risky, that one.

-That was REALLY risky!

-Did you see it?

-Yeah.

When she signed, she kind of just looked up at me.

It was a look like, "What is this?" I got away with it. That's one-all.

OK. Off to the next challenge, methinks.

It's level pegging, so it's time for round two - Skater Boy.

Will these two plonkers get their skates on without being recognised?

Break a leg, Mark!

Challenge number two - you need to skate past Emily,

do a little jump or a trick if you can, whilst going past her,

-and maybe go, "Whoo! Yeah!"

-A trick? You've got to be joking.

Well, if you can.

Here they come, mate.

AMERICAN ACCENT: Good afternoon. Whoo!

How you doing?

Bit bad on my feet! Ha-ha!

Yeah, good.

No, nice work, dude.

THEY CHUCKLE

-How was that?

-She totally ignored me!

-HE CHUCKLES

-Rude!

I think I probably would, looking at me!

-2-1.

-I know. You've got to get this, mate,

else you have lost to the master.

The master! The master moustacher!

Absolutely. The master moustacher takes a 2-1 lead.

Up next, Skater Sam.

Good luck, Sam. This is it.

Don't mess it up. Well, do mess it up, cos I want to win.

-AUSTRALIAN ACCENT:

-G'day. Ah, ripper.

I can't believe you got away with that! You're lucky, Nixon!

That was the worst accent ever! Are you all right there?

Can't believe I got away with that. She still looked at me a bit dodgy.

So, that makes the scores 2-2. See you soon!

So, Emily, where to start, really?

Let's start at the beginning.

Did you suspect anything when you received that flower delivery?

-No, I didn't know it was you.

-You didn't, did you?

-No idea!

-Who did you think the flowers were from, though?

-School or something.

-Secret admirer, so shush!

-Ssh!

-And Fiona, you seemed pretty suspicious.

-What was going through your mind?

-It's kind of fishy that some guy,

-dressed in a crazy outfit, delivers you flowers.

-It's true -

-it is strange, I'm not going to lie.

-Yeah.

-I was really suspicious. I was freaking out!

-Were you freaking out?

-My dad was like, "Have you got a boyfriend?"

-Oh, really?

OK, well, with the scores at 2-2, the big question was,

who would get rumbled first? Let's see what happened next.

-Fiona, say the magic words.

-Run VT.

Nice!

Will Sam and Mark be able to look the girls in the eye

and make them believe they are real opticians?

Take it away, Mark.

Tremendous costume, by the way.

-Yeah, I do look pretty cool, I know.

-OK, so it's two-all at the minute.

The third challenge - you have to give Emily an eye test,

so, basically, get right in her face, check her eyes,

ask her if she has problems recognising people.

Maybe ask her about her eye colour,

and then get her to do the eye-chart test.

-And then, er, get out of there.

-Easy for you to say.

-But OK, I'll go for it.

-Don't forget, if she says your name, it's over.

-Not going to happen, mate. I've got this in the bag.

-We'll see!

We will see. We will see, because we're in a seeing place.

-Right, Emily, this is my assistant.

-Hello, hello.

He's going to do the first part of your eye test.

-I'd just like you to read the first letter.

-I.

-Good.

R-U-O-K.

I'm fine, thank you. THEY CHUCKLE

See what I did there?

-What about this one?

-I can't read that.

-Oh.

I'm short-sighted.

Prepare to look her in the eye.

Can I just get a bit closer, Emily, if that's OK?

Just have a look into your eyes.

Brown. Brown eyes - lovely. So, you're short-sighted.

-Do you sometimes not recognise certain people?

-Sometimes.

-Really?

Can't really see their faces.

Right, OK, so distance is difficult with you?

OK, no problem.

I'll go back, I'll write on the chart

and we'll see what we can do for you, OK? Lovely to meet you.

OK, lovely.

-OK. Thank you very much.

-Wait!

Are you Mark?

I am!

HE CHUCKLES

She's got me!

Emily! Well done.

You know them flowers that you got this morning?

-Yeah.

-Who...?

-Oh, my God!

HE CHUCKLES

And, check this out - you know Fiona, your friend?

-She did this?

-No, Sam has been doing exactly the same thing

that I've been doing to you.

And, thank you very, very much, you have got me,

so if Sam beats me at this, then he's won the game.

High five. And your eyesight's not that bad at all. You found me out!

Mark's failure means the scores remain at 2-2,

but will Sammy be able to see it through and claim the victory?

OK, Sam, this is it.

Give Fiona an eye exam, go right up to her - right in her face.

Tell her what colour eyes she's got, and if she finds it difficult

to recognise people.

If you do all that, I'll put my hands up and say that you've won.

Easy. You're going down.

Hi, there. Hi. I'm Martin. Hi. Nice to meet you. What's your name?

-Fiona.

-Fiona? Hi, nice to meet you. How are the eyes?

-Good.

-Yeah?

Dodgy accent!

If you'd just put your hand over your left eye,

and read from the top all the way down to the bottom.

I-C-U.

A-B-C.

Come on, Fiona. Come on!

I-O-U-A-C-D.

Excellent. Nothing wrong with your right eye.

-Let's take a closer look.

-Ask her if she has trouble

-recognising people.

-Brilliant, yeah.

That's really good.

-So, are you having any problem at all with any vision?

-No.

No? Do you have any troubles recognising people?

You look a lot like Sam from Sam & Mark, you know.

-Sorry, who?

-Sam.

Ooh! Remember, the rules of the game state that she has to say

that he IS Sam. Saying he looks like Sam doesn't count.

-Sam from who?

-Sam & Mark.

-Sam & Mark. Who's Sam & Mark?

-TMi.

-TMi - what's that?

-Come on!

It's a TV show I went on.

-Oh, you've been on TV?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow, wow, great.

-When was that, Fiona?

-November.

-Right, OK, great. Great.

Well, thanks very much, Fiona - I'll leave you in the hands...

-Oh, no, he's won, hasn't he?

-Yes, thank you very much. Bye.

Oh, you've got to be joking!

So, she didn't officially say, "You're Sam from Sam & Mark."

-She said, "You look a lot like him."

-Oh! So you've won.

-Which means I've won!

-No!

Yep, Sam wins 3-2.

But hey, can he really rub Mark's face in it by winning another round?

Let's find out - it's time for Lost Grandmother.

All right, then, Sam, as the winner,

you have got to get right into Fiona's face.

You've got to be like a doddering old lady, and you've lost your car.

Mate, I'll do anything. I've already won, so I'm happy.

It's only because I'm far more famous than you - I'm a lot easier to spot.

-Good point.

-All right. Good luck.

Hello. Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my car.

You ARE Sam!

HE CHUCKLES

You got him! SAM LAUGHS

Finally!

I've been playing a little game with you all day

called In Yer Face.

D'you remember this morning, around about half past nine,

when somebody came and delivered some flowers?

-She's just got it!

-Come here!

I've been playing this with you and Mark's been playing it with Emily!

Can I just say...

Come on, Emily!

..Emily...Emily got me before you got Sam!

To be fair, you did clock on in the eye test that it was me.

I did suspect a lot but I didn't really say anything.

You didn't actually say the immortal words, "You're Sam from Sam & Mark!"

Can I just say - what a cardigan that is!

Eh?

-I think we're all winners here!

-Yay!

CHEERING

I agree, I think we're all winners.

Actually, no, we're not all winners, I'm the only winner. In yer face!

-In yer face, man! Oh!

-Yes, OK, well done!

Now, Fiona, I can't believe that you didn't rumble me in the optician's.

You were so suspicious. What were you thinking at that point?

SHE SIGHS

I was so suspicious but I was so nervous to say it!

Oh, really? Oh! Hey, I'm glad you were so nervous

cos that meant that I won it! Don't want to rub it in any more!

Yeah, cheers, mate, thank you.

Emily, on the other hand, you sussed me out good and proper!

When did you twig it was me?

It's just, when you came in,

you looked like Mark.

LAUGHTER I did, yeah.

-Sussed straightaway.

-An older version!

-Yeah, an older version?

-It wasn't a very good disguise,

-to be honest. Sorry!

-That's all right!

Now, I've got to say, usually, when I'm dressed as a grandma,

things have gone too far. Fiona, had I gone too far

with that one?

-Way too far.

-Way too far! Brilliant.

Now, girls, the most important - did you have a good day?

-It was awesome.

-Yeah.

-Absolute legends, I'm sure you'll agree.

They've been great sports.

Please, give it up for the stars of In Yer Face, Emily and Fiona!

CHEERING Well done, girls.

Fiona, just because I'm still a little bit worried about your eyes,

could you test them by reading the line into the next item, please?

Just, er, there.

Now it's time to find who is today's star prize.

Yes, it's time for Win The Presenter.

-Yeah!

-Hey!

CHEERING

When people look back at this century,

what are they going to remember?

-The royal wedding.

-Not that.

-Erm, the Olympics.

-No.

-Jedward.

-No.

Win The Presenter.

It's never been done before, has it? Winning the presenter? It's insane.

Are we crazy?

Probably. But, hey - that's how we roll.

Work hard, play hard, live for today.

-We're pretty rock 'n' roll.

-So, are we out tonight?

-I can't, actually, mate, I'm cooking a lasagne.

-Fair enough.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome to Win The Presenter!

Let's find out which presenter they're playing for today!

He's a few sandwiches short of a picnic -

it's Mark!

Which means it's time to meet your host, Mr Sam Nixon!

Yeah! Welcome to Win The Presenter,

the part of the show where two families go head-to-head

to win today's star prize,

Mr Mark Rhodes!

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Yep, today, one of these two lucky families

will get to take Mark home and do anything they want with him,

and when I say anything,

I mean anything. Mark, are you looking forward to being won?

Erm, on a scale of one to ten...

minus numbers.

LAUGHTER

Let's meet the families who could be winning you.

Simon, introduce the rest of your team, please.

Well, Sam, there's George, a friend of Sam's, and my partner Justine.

Lovely to have you here. Give it up for the Tilleys!

CHEERING

Now, the Tilleys. To get your hands on Mark,

you are going to have to beat the bullies. Hayley,

we met you and half the contents of your house earlier. It's nice to see

you've brought Santa along with you. Excellent stuff.

We've already met most of your team,

but still, introduce them again, will you?

This is my son Jay, my daughter Chloe and my husband Martin.

Excellent. Are you feeling confident?

-Yep.

-Yep.

-Good, that's what we like to hear.

Give it up for the Bulleys!

CHEERING

Now, if you want some inspiration

on what to do with this very special prize,

just take a look at what our last winning family got up to

when they won the presenter.

ALL: Hi!

-Come in, Sam, we've got LOADS of work for you to do.

-Uh-huh.

Cheers.

Ah! All done.

There you go, Lily. Absolutely spotless. You are welcome.

Not quite, Sam.

Brilliant.

Sam, you haven't cleaned my room yet.

SQUELCH!

-SAM SIGHS

-Look at the mess!

There you go, ladies, all done.

So the Tilleys and the Bulleys, I hope that's given you

some inspiration of what you could do if you win Mark.

-Are you happy with your prize?

-Yeah.

-Good.

They're happy, I'm not, back to me in the studio.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, the Tilleys, any unpleasant jobs in mind for Mark to do?

-Do the dishwasher.

-Do the dishwasher?!

-Bulleys, what would you get Mark to do?

-Walk the dog,

-take the rubbish out, hoovering round the house.

-Definitely.

Well, it is the best of three rounds.

Mark, you need to go and get ready,

because it's time to play Presenter Under Pressure.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I imagine you're sat at home thinking,

"There's something different about Mark

"and I can't quite put my finger on what it is."

Well, I'll tell you what it is.

Mark is now wearing one extra item of clothing -

a pair of pants.

Now, unfortunately for Mark, these are no ordinary pants. Oh, no.

They are...the underpants of chaos!

Scary! Very shortly, I will be asking Mark a number of questions

on one of his favourite subjects - television shows he has starred in.

However, every time

he answers a question incorrectly or takes too long,

we will be sending a shock right through those pants.

Let's just see if they're working.

Argh, they're working! SAM LAUGHS

-Sorry, let's just check that once again.

-No!

-Aaargh!

-Yeah, they're working.

OK, families, all you have to do is guess how many questions

out of ten you think Mark will correctly be able to answer.

You now have ten seconds to write down your answers.

Mark, we've done quite a few shows,

but I know that your memory's not the best.

How do you think you're going to do on this?

Well...if I'm in it, then not great.

-SAM LAUGHS

-OK, time is up for the families.

-You both written down your answers?

-Yeah.

-Excellent, OK.

Let's put Mark even less at ease

with some tension music and dramatic lighting.

TENSE MUSIC PLAYS

Oooh! Viewers of a nervous disposition

may choose to look away because, Mark,

here come your ten questions. What does TMi stand for?

-Too Much Information.

-Correct.

We took part in Comic Relief Does Glee Club for Red Nose Day.

How much money has Red Nose Day 2011 raised so far

-to the nearest million?

-What?!

-72 million?

-Incorrect!

-Aaargh!

-It was 102 million.

CBBC got kids to Do Something Different

in the summer of which year?

2007?

Correct! Top Of The Pops: Reloaded

also starred which Radio 1 presenter?

-Fearne Cotton.

-Correct.

Richard Hammond presents which show that we took part in?

Time's up!

-Aaargh! Total Wipeout!

-It's Total Wipeout!

How could you forget that?!

OK, how long did it take you

to complete the first round of Total Wipeout?

Two minutes 37?

Oh! Incorrect!

-Aaargh!

-You were very close, though.

Two minutes 33, but we can't give you that.

We can't give you that, sorry.

Which Wham! song did you perform on Let's Dance for Sport Relief?

-Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?

-Correct.

Which team won CBBC's Jump Nation in 2009?

-What? Taurus!

-Oh! Correct!

Well done! What month did Copycats first air on UK TV?

-November?

-Yeah, well done!

-Yes!

-Congratulations!

It was November 2009. Final question -

who were the guests on TMi Friday Halloween Special?

Frankenstein?

SAM LAUGHS

-Aaargh!

-Incorrect.

It was actually The Wanted.

OK, Mark, that is your ten questions, and I can tell you

that you got six right,

but the one remaining question is, how did our families do?

-Tilleys, how many did you think Mark would get right?

-Seven.

Seven, pretty close! The Bulleys?

Seven!

Even Stevens, so you both

get the point cos you're both one off. One each.

Congratulations!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, Mark. OK, now,

back in 1959, the Americans put a chimp into space.

In 2011, we're putting one in a high-speed revolving chair.

Yep, it's time for Chimp In A Chair.

As you can see, on our wind-up chair,

there is a chimp going ten to the dozen,

but this is no ordinary chimp.

It's Mark's pet chimp and due to a mix-up,

Mark hasn't fed him all day.

Mark, you silly sausage!

-Sorry, mate.

-Now, once the chair stops spinning,

our dizzy chimp will have 20 seconds to grab as many of these cucumbers

as possible, but the question is, how many will he be able to grab?

Families, you now have five seconds to write down your answers.

Don't forget, guys, once he comes off this chair he'll be very dizzy,

so he'll be all over the shop, it'll be very hard.

OK, three, two, one, let's stop the chimp!

Here we go! OK.

Let's spin you round, let's release you. Go, chimp, go!

Not that way, not that way.

This way! Go, go, go, go!

There, there! Get the cucumbers there!

You can hand me the cucumbers if you want. Don't throw them at me!

That's one, we'll take that one.

There we go, that's two, that's two. That's two.

Come on, Chimp!

Come on, chimp! Come on, chimp!

-HOOTER BLARES

-Time's up! Come over here, chimp.

-Mark, do you want to help your chimp?

-OK, come on. Ohh...

-He's always like this!

-This way, OK.

Right, let's see how many you did get.

We got one, we got two, we got three, we got four, we got five.

OK, five cucumbers.

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

"Oooh," from the audience. Impressed? Impressed?

OK, so the Tilleys, what was your guess?

-11.

-11?

Interesting. OK, over to the Bulleys.

Bulleys?

MARK LAUGHS

This is crazy! Are you guys reading each other's minds?!

Well, I've got to say, once again, you are both equally bad,

which means you both get the point. It's 2-2!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK! So, that means it's now time to ask the Big Question.

It's very tense here in the studio, cos the scores are 2-2,

which means whoever wins this round will win the presenter.

It's time for the Big Question.

Now, as you may or may not know,

Mark was once a contestant on Pop Idol.

For those of you too young to remember it,

it's what X Factor was called before it was X Factor.

Anyway, whilst on the show, Simon Cowell said to Mark,

"You have a great voice, but lack any charisma."

The Big Question is,

what percentage of this studio audience agree with Simon?

You now have ten seconds to write down your answer.

Don't forget, this is Simon Cowell, he knows his stuff!

So, what percentage of this audience think Mark has no charisma?

OK, time's up, guys, I need you to write down your answer.

Tilleys, we'll start with you. Please reveal your answer.

17%. Interesting. OK, the Bulleys?

-20%.

-20%.

OK. Let's see who is the nearest.

This is to win Mark, don't forget.

The actual percentage of the studio audience

who agree with Simon Cowell is...

..21%, which means, the Bulleys, you are today's winners!

Congratulations!

Congratulations! Come on over.

So, unfortunately, that means, the Tilleys,

we have to say goodbye to you.

-Have you had a good day?

-Had a great day, thank you very much.

You've been cracking sports. Give it up for the Tilleys!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Bulleys, well done.

You got loads of prizes today, earlier on in the show,

and, Bulleys, you have won today's special prize, Mark Thomas Rhodes!

Guys, take your positions with Mark over there. Excellent. Give it up!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

OK, so a big thank you to all the stars on today's show.

A big thank you to Joe McElderry!

Emily and Fiona!

All that's left for me to say is, Bulleys, do with Mark what you wish,

just make sure he's back in one piece for the next show.

See you later, guys! Bye!

See you later!

OK, right now, ladies and gentlemen, let's end this show with a bang.

Please give it up for Six D!

# I, I, I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn night of my life

# Woke up with glitter in both my eyes

# I lost one shoe, where's my hat?

# Not my phone, got to get that back

# I've been thinking about the night I had

# Boss man won't cut me no slack

# Sent me home without my cheque

# Tell me where they do that at

# Oh, whenever, wherever, whatever I do

# The party will come, the party will go

# Whatever, whatever, whatever you like

# Whatever you need, you got it tonight

# Oh, you got it tonight, you got it tonight

# Whatever, whatever, whatever you like

# Whatever you need, you got it tonight

# In one way high, a bad goodbye

# Hard to be so sad when I'm having the best damn night

# Lost my keys and I'm locked outside

# Got nowhere to crash, but I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn night

# Almost daylight, should be snoring

# Dance floor packed and the speakers roaring

# Cup that empty, not done pouring

# Dance floor packed and the speakers

# We're going to dance till we can't no more

# Hands in the air till our arms get sore

# Sweat till about three in the morning

# Lights on and everybody yawning

# You got it tonight, you got it tonight

# Whatever, whatever, whatever you like

# Whatever you need, you got it tonight

# In one way high, a bad goodbye

# Hard to be sad when I'm having the best damn night

# Lost my keys and I'm locked outside

# Got nowhere to crash, but I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn night

# Dance till we can't no more

# Hands in the air till our arms get sore

# Sweat till about three in the morning

# Lights on and everybody yawning

# Dance till we can't no more

# Hands in the air till our arms get sore

# Sweat till about three in the morning

# Lights on and on and on and

# Night of my life

# Night of my life

# One way high and a bad goodbye

# Hard to be so sad when I'm having the best damn night

# Lost my keys and I'm locked outside

# Got nowhere to crash, but I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn

# Night, night, night of my life, life, life

# I, I, I, I'm having the best damn night

# The best, best night

# Oh! #

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